My Dad Wrote A Porno - S3E15 - 'East Berlin'

Episode Date: September 4, 2017

As Book Three draws to a close, it becomes clear that things will never be the same again at Steele's Pots and Pans... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously, on My Dad Wrote a Porno. His foreskin went up and his foreskin went down. Revealing more and more of his shiny knob. Oh, my God! Des's tongue replaced his inexperienced sticky fingers in Belinda's labia. Oh, my God.

Sticky fingers. Sticky, sticky fingers, we love you. Hey, oh, sticky, my God. Sticky fingers. Sticky, sticky fingers, we love you. Hey, oh, sticky, sticky fingers. Belinda took his hand and led him to her bedroom, where she reclined on her huge purple waterbed. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! purple waterbed hello everybody

it is the last episode of the season oh I can't believe it chapter 15 it always surprises me when we get to this point

because it always just feels like it's just never going to end I know and I just said to Jamie tea and he was like well I brought Prosecco I was like let's not overmark the occasion.

We've got a bit of fizz. Cheers, everyone. This is very exciting. To a disappointment. Oh, I'm sure of it. To being underwhelmed. To copy-paste. I wish.

This series has gone super quick. I don't know if anyone else feels like that. Yeah. 15 chapters down. Like that. Yeah. 15 chapters down. Like that. Yeah. But what a book. What a book.

Alfie, the smallest man dressed in black. So long ago. Mr. Klaus Bloch. Yeah. The Schweinsteiger twins or whatever they were. Madame Chocolat or whatever she's called. The incredibly disappointing hen do. I mean, we could go on.

Chiara Montague. I mean, it has been the book of dreams. And a trip to God's own country, up to Yorkshire. It's had everything, this book. Erratic, or as Ben Barnes says, erratica, at its best, I feel. I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss this. But hopefully when we come back, if we come back with book four, Jamie.

If we come back, Alice Levine. If counselling does really work and if therapy is as effective as people claim it is. If we do come back, I'm hoping that maybe the Millennium Dium dome building is for us and we'll be sat in there reading it when do you decide if we're coming back during today's chapter let's see how it goes okay oh no this is like when people break up with people and they have a meal or like a date or whatever that's the decider and they're like if this goes well i'll carry on i mean i've brought prosecco so get ready for a bumpy ride guys because we only imagine we do one book we this was a bit of a laugh like doing one book we never long time since it's been a bit of a laugh seriously the laughs went a long time ago it's a joke that's got to rise it really has end of book three it's

mental I know it's a bit strange and in theory we could be doing this until one of us dies because Rocky's written what 108 books the plethora of material available for us to mine is quite extraordinary oh please let's not go to a book 108 i mean we're not going to book four yet hold on all of us in an old people's home like anyone want to listen it's porno mondays again belinda's still 29 years old it's like James Bond. But it all starts making more sense because we're old and senile. We're like, oh yeah, great. Now I get what he's been doing all this time. He was right.

So you didn't tell us last time what this chapter was called. No, I didn't. Because, I don't know, because it would be a plot spoiler or something? Power trip? No, just because I thought, let's do something. Yeah, I can withhold information from you guys and I love it. No, I thought, why don't we just go straight in and just go on the crazy ride that is the last chapter of Belinda Blink 3. I'll drink to that.

To Blumenthal. To Blumenthal and all who ride in her. Which is everyone. Belinda Blink 3. Chapter 15. East Berlin. What? Hang on, weren't we just on some concrete steps at Belinda's house?

Yeah, we were. She doesn't live in East Berlin, does she? Given that East Berlin doesn't exist. No. No, East Berlin does. Like, you can be on the east side of Berlin. True, yeah. East Berlin. Okay. So is this pre the fall of the wall? Like, you can be on the east side of Berlin. True, yeah. East Berlin.

Okay. So is this pre the fall of the wall? Like, what's going on? Let's delve in. Don't tell me we've travelled in time. No, we're not going back in time. Two weeks later. Right. Than 19...

1945. A treaty of Yalta has just been signed. Churchill is musing in number 10. How can we get rid of Stalin? I would not be surprised if Yalta made a cameo. I bet he loves all that shit, doesn't he? We've all been to Yalta. We have, actually, isn't it?

As a little team out. That was Yalta. Oh, in the Ukraine. Yes, very famously, yes. James remembers it well, clearly. No, I do. I do remember going on a tour of that lovely palace. Two weeks later.

9.17am. Are these all headings? They're one after another. Is this all the chapter title? No, no, no. East Berlin semicolon. Right, okay. Two weeks later.

9.17am. The grey leaden sky hung over one of the central plats in East Berlin. Plat? Right up his strata. What's a plat? Just a street, like a giant sort of avenue, isn't it? Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plats with a Z.

Yes. Like Potsdamer Platz vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it. Large snowflakes slowly fell to the ground. Guys, is it our first snow? It's our first snow.

I think it's our first snow. We're travelling through the seasons. Large snowflakes fell to the ground as Hair Bish. Mr. Bish? Swish Swish Bish. Swish Swish Bish.ish? Swish Swish Bish. Swish Swish Bish.

Head of Swish Swish Bish, this will be, won't it? Yeah. Made the final changes to his meeting later this morning with his communications director. We've never started a chapter without Belinda before. Have we not? Like, this sounds like Belinda's not there. She's not the focus, that's for sure.

She's the fucking protagonist of this book. I don't care hair bish i actually really care about hair bish i'm quite intrigued it's not called bish blinked although not bad i said enough he grimaced as he felt the twang of pain shoot across his upper left arm so what is that that's not the pain of the the cold is he an older man maybe i think he's got an old injury or something. That's what I'm presuming with no context whatsoever. Do you think maybe from being in the forces? Again, you're presuming with no context whatsoever. It was an unpleasant reminder from his operational years of the Cold War.

Come on! What did I tell you? Bish is an army man. That was quite good, Alice. Worryingly good. Because cold weather can, you know, exacerbate that kind of injury. It brings back the Cold War like that. Oh, like that. But was there any fighting in the Cold War? Huh?

There was no fighting in the Cold War, was there? It was famously cold, yeah. It was just a standoff. It was famously just being cold. I'm sure some people got injured in the Cold War at some point. What, like, did he fall down the stairs? Did he fall down the Cold War? It wasn't all-out battles, but I think there was...

Fisticuffs. Fisticuffs. Deadarm. Deadarm. There were skirmishes, all right, guys, come on. Chinese burns and the like. Yeah. In the Cold War, it's not my speciality,

but yes, I did do a degree in history. What of it? This wasn't really your time period, was it? No, I did black feminism in the Harlem Renaissance. Of course you did. Interesting. That's the next chapter. So whenever that comes up, I am ready.

It was an unpleasant reminder from his operational years of the Cold War at the hands of the Western secret agent. What? I don't understand. Stunt silence. Appropriately stunt silence from you two. He knew he'd been lucky that day 40 years ago but he could never bring himself to forgive the west and that's in capitals

the west or what they stood for oh gosh i mean we should remember at this point that germany is in the west it's actually some would argue is the leader of the free world yeah so what's he classing as the West? Cornwall? Wales? Hawaii? He's furious with St. Ives. Hairbish smiled as he shuffled his papers together.

Years of preparation were now coming together very nicely. He's prepared to shuffle those papers. And now he's an expert. One day I'll shuffle papers and smile. And today is that day. So this is for the meeting with Belinda. I mean, it doesn't really... So yeah, who is it?

Oh, no, no. His communications director. I mean, if Belinda doesn't turn up, this is going to be weird. I feel like she'll burst in halfway through at least. Did I miss anything? Yeah, just Bish shuffling some papers. Did somebody ask for a vagina? I think it's point seven on the agenda, am I right, Bish?

Question. You know, I don't remember one chapter to the next. Yes. Did Belinda mention that she was going to see bish no the only mention of bish was at bargain basement land with the schweinstein yeah you're right yeah he's like one of the steals pots and pans main rifles oh yeah of course because des was going to be stealing some of the designs yes so really she shouldn't be meeting with bish unless she wants to get headhunted unless he wants to get headhunted. Unless he wants to get headhunted. Hey! Gross. Hideous.

I've never heard that analogy for a blowjob before. Have you not? Give us a headhunt. You have to hunt for it. Jim Sterling vibes. You have to ask for it. Oh, don't. He sat back in his large black swivel chair and hit the intercom button.

Surely? Surely it's like, um, Gunter. Gunter. Send her in. Petra. Send in our agent immediately. Our agent. Is this like some spy shit?

Maybe you have that in commerce as well, though. Yeah. Because there'll be spies everywhere, won't there? Trying to steal designs and stuff. Well, apparently this does happen. I was listening to an interview with Richard Branson. and when he set up his airline for virgin yeah british airways were trying to bring them down by with this like dirty tricks campaign no yeah he was claiming all sorts of stuff allegedly no no no it's in interviews it's like well documented james will not have you stamping allegedly on that. That's on James Cooper. He will not be silenced.

Honestly. Oh my God. Dirty, dirty tricks. Dirty tricks. Business. So maybe Bish is about to try the same tactics. Wow. If it's happening in airlines

it's definitely happening in pots and pans. And he can find out so much dirt. But don't you think it will just be so much more lo-fi than what they were doing?

It will literally be rifling in bins. It'll be like, oh yeah, she had baked beans last night. What can we do with that? Bish swung his chair 180 degrees. So precise. Round to face the large full height window and stared out at the snow, which was now falling much faster.

Renegade statement. Oh, there we go. This is kind of all rightly written. What? I mean, that wasn't all rightly said. Sorry. It's the Prosecco. All rightly written.

This is all rightly written, Governor. It would be if it wasn't in this book. It just feels like it's come out of nowhere. He smiled. Stop smiling to yourself. What? His plan for espionage. Sure.

And very soon concrete results was about to start. What? Oh my God. Wait, is Belinda's life at risk? We can only hope. Only sexual health. Yeah, she'll be dead by herpes way before anything comes of her. Can herpes kill you?

She'll be the first fatal incident. She's got mutant herpes. She's contracted it so many times, one on top of the other. So do we think that maybe there's going to be threats? Maybe even she could be the most valuable asset that Steeles has. So they're going to just go and swipe her up. Yeah, but my issue is, is it really worth their time? It just seems like a

waste of they've sold 7 000 pounds let's bring them down really talk about small fry literally small frying pan and they have to give them away yeah you're right this would be a really unusual use of the espionage department at bishops wouldn't it i work in espionage at a major pots and pans industry. When you don't get into, like, the CIA or, like, MI5, where do you work? And Bish? They make the really, really great, larger saucepans. Oh, cool.

Oh, cool. What's your name? I can't tell you. I've already said too much. Do you think they've got, like, loads of passports this year? The wok is not enough. It is quite Bond, bond though isn't it we've always said he's been influenced by him his plan for espionage and very soon concrete results was about to start and here was his special one capital s capital o visiting him what so the

special one's visiting special ones visiting him keep up? So the special one's visiting him. The special one's visiting him. Keep up. Yeah, but the special one's not Belinda, surely, because what he said before about waiting for years. No, it's not Belinda. It's his spy, surely. Oh, okay.

Unless Belinda's his spy. Oh, my God. Belinda is his spy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Belinda is his spy. Belinda's a double agent. Shut up.

No. Bloomin' tall. Is it German? Oh, God. Belinda is his spy. Belinda's a double agent. Shut up. No. Blumen toll. Is it German? Oh, God. I'm going to cry. I'm actually going to... I feel so betrayed. Oh, my God.

I feel sick. She's infiltrated Steeles at its top level. She's not going to be headhunted because she's already on Team Bish. Oh, my God. Swish, swish, Bish. But Belinda's betrayed us like like this I'm going to cry But we are assuming quite a lot Yeah it could be anybody

But it all makes sense to me Because she doesn't say a lot She just listens She completely doesn't give a lot of herself away She seduces everybody like James Bond does She gives away more pans than she sells. She's trying to bring the place down.

Oh my God. His very willing espionage agent had been the key to identifying I can't breathe. an annoyingly pernicious

competitor's impressive new secrets. No, right. It's definitely going to be someone that steals. It just might not be Belinda.

Oh my God. Hang on. I haven't felt like this since Game of Thrones. Hang on. it's no right it's definitely going to be someone that steals it just might not be belinda oh my god hang on i haven't felt like this since game of thrones hang on no wait des martin was taking pictures yeah maybe he's but of bish oh of bish but also he was quite upfront about it and also des martin's no one's special one as we were no two Unless his wife found out and that's why she left. Oh my god. Oh my god. But wait, in the flat with all the cameras. Ken Dewsbury.

Ken Dewsbury. Everyone's a suspect. You can't trust anybody. And yet no one is. The only one who's not is Bella. There's no way she's

a fucking spy. She can barely dress herself in the morning. But what about the woman that ran the canteen? Ethel? Ethel.

What about Maeve? She's just been in his dorm. Hiding in plain sight. No, Maeve doesn't have a key card. She won't be able to get anyone. She can only be on reception. Well, who's in charge of key cards?

Bella. Yeah. Tony? No, not Tony. Oh my God. We need to read on. What a waste if it's Tony because we know jack shit about Tony.

He laughed to himself manically. He's got to have a different laugh to Dr. Robin. Oh, sorry. He's got to be a mwahaha. Oh my God, an evil villain. Love this. Love this. He was going to enjoy this.

And he couldn't wonder why he hadn't got into industrial espionage sooner. He couldn't wonder why. I couldn't wonder why. He could not wonder why. So he's just having such a lovely time doing espionage. He just wishes he wonder why. I couldn't wonder why. I could not wonder why. So he's just having such a lovely time doing espionage. He just wishes he'd done it

as a young man. Well, Alice, it was so much easier than inventing products. Oh, I mean, simply. What, just stealing other people's? Yeah. What?

What? What? What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? Right, right, right. The special one

strode into the room. Strode. Who strides? Linda strides. No, she doesn't. She kind of struts. I feel like men stride in this book. Dressed from a head to foot in a patent black leather trench coat.

She looked deliciously poisonous. And just the right person for this delicate operation. Oh, my God. I think something just popped inside me. Let's stop talking. Let's just listen to this like an audio book. I have nothing to contribute. Good morning, my special one.

Bish exhaled through his yellow teeth. Oh, God. Breaking the tension. Don't give a shit about the dentures. Hair Bish. I mean, I have no idea what accent to do for the special one, so I'm just going to do it normal. Okay.

Jamie. Oh, because we don't know who it is. Hair Bish. How nice to do it normal. Okay. Jamie. Oh, because it'd be anyone. Oh, yeah, because we don't know who it is. Hair Bish. How nice to see you again. And so soon at that. Oh, God. So whoever it is has seen him recently. Right.

Yes. That's spelled Y-E-Z. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, my dear. Congratulations on your recent promotion Reasons with a Z

Recent promotion? Who's had a promotion? Bella, she got a new job Giselle, got one on the hen do Oh my god And also she's like shifty and stuff Because she's Dutch, not because she's Dutch but and she's Dutch So it could be Bella

After I just said she'd be shit. Oh my god. Anybody else? Belinda got a job recently? Well she's been promoted, although it's not within Steels. It's a promotion for my last job. We've seen the CV. A typhoid. A typhoid! Oh my god, this is... I've got a dab on. I'm so sweaty. This is so intense.

Yes, dear. Congratulations on your recent promotion. You have been so successful so quickly. You may rightly expect a bonus. Don't forget, on the Belinda Blink books, it's all about her getting to the top and securing that bonus. I'm just saying. Oh, my good God.

I don't want to narrow us down a particular route of inquiry but i'm just saying i can't overstate what a game changer this is the special one started to remove her thigh length boots and calmly folded them into a kind of leatherish roll kind of a sausage roll before gently placing them into a corner of leatherish roll. Kind of a sausage roll. Before gently placing them into a corner of the office. Makes me still think it's Belinda because she likes putting things in corners. She has a leather outfit, does she? Well, she's definitely got a horse riding outfit.

Well, so is Bella in that case. Oh God. I'm sorry, but Bella can't be a German spy. But maybe she's been deliberately thick so that no one would ever assume it was her. Where'd she get that thousand pounds to pay for that equestrian gear? On a receptionist's salary. But maybe she's been deliberately thick so that no one would ever assume it was her. Where'd she get that £1,000 to pay for that equestrian gear? On a receptionist's salary. Where indeed?

You're so fucking right. Why didn't he just say her name? Oh, hi, Bella. That's what I would do. Hairbish licked his lips in anticipation of what was to come. He did love a good foreign thigh. East German girls just didn't do it for him these days. It's not really a place.

Past checkpoint, Charlie. You don't want it now. Those thighs. He quickly thought back to the days when they did do it for him. That glorious wall with all its intrigue. Is he really talking about the wall? The wall. Oh my god. The sleazy bars built into its bricks. It's very small bars. Built into the bricks of the Berlin Wall.

With their underground passages leading to the west with all its cigarettes. And freedom. Freedom. All those delicious West Berlin cigarettes. and freedom all those delicious West Berlin cigarettes and a lack of fear of persecution

but also cigarettes with all its cigarettes and American contraband freedom they've got a converse shop on the other side the special one slowly unzipped her black leather jacket. She was completely naked underneath. Belinda, done.

Shall we stop there? As she shook her magnificent breasts... See, Liddy? ...with their extending nipples free, she placed the trench coat into another corner. A separate corner. A separate corner. A spy will never leave two items of clothing in the same corner

for fear of being caught. It's too obvious. Guys, I'm exposed. I put all my clothes in one corner. Take the suicide pill. Thank God, she thought. At least Hair Bish liked women. She'd have had no chance against the large, smooth-chested men

who prostituted themselves for the chance to pull off an espionage operation such as the one Hair B bitch had proposed to her. What are you talking about? What smooth-chested men? Where are all these winky men? There were all these like really sexy German gay guys

who were just like, oh, hi. Hi, just had a chest wash. Oh, hi, don't mind me. Love this range. Sorry, say that sentence again. Yeah, sorry. I chest wax. Oh, hi, don't mind me. Love this range. Sorry, say that sentence again. Yeah, sorry. I was laughing halfway through, wasn't I?

Thank God, she thought, at least Hair Bish liked women. She'd have had no chance against the large, smooth-chested men who prostituted themselves for the chance to pull off an espionage operation such as the one Hair Bish had proposed to her. What does it mean? to her what does it mean literally what does it mean i think it means her upper hand is that she's a woman and he's into that yeah but then sexuality is a tool but they're the same team so she doesn't really need to win him over does she she's not she's not espionaging him for the most people just auditioning to be

spies well apparently loads of guys that have just come straight off the West End. They all sound like they're used to Broadway. And they're like, but I might turn my hand to being a spy. This is the honey trap the other way. It's the most glamorous parade of spies ever. Oh, this is interesting. No, it's not. Is it?

Oh, no, sorry, wrong book. Get off the internet, Jamie. She didn't particularly like what she was doing but she needed the money oh no she feels like she's betraying them friends especially business friends not a term whatever they were

just didn't cut the mustard when it came to family eh? there's a whole new paragraph that consists of two words. Oh God. Yes. Family. Next paragraph. What?

I don't know. What is going Just tell us the fucking name and let's go on with our lives. Christ. James. Yes. Family. I love that he's written that and he's been like, that's profound. That's the quote. That's going to be on a t-shirt.

Yes, comma, family. Are we business friends, by the way? Oh yeah, definitely. Whatever that means. No, it's show business, not show friends, James. The special one slowly pulled down her black leather trousers, at last showing Bish her naked torso. I thought she was naked underneath the coat.

Oh, yeah. Maybe she whipped him back on real quick. Got it from the other side of the room. From the third corner. Showing Bish her naked torso. Not many trousers only cover your torso you know you know i love a high-waisted band suit you do but they don't cover your boobs they do just just over the boot and no leg at all cut off at the knee

she pulled her black leather trousers at last showing bish her naked torso that sentence ruined everything that's come before honestly because you're taking the leather jacket off to show the boobs already i mean it's ridiculous jamie what were you saying about good writing sorry she so wanted a fuck and she knew her bish was up for it mentally who is she and also what does she mean mentally but she'd been let down so many times before now i don't know if that can be belinda because she hasn't really been let down that many times she's always had quite a good time who is it who is she show yourself however i just love the idea that it's someone we've never fucking heard of. It totally will be. A new person altogether.

Maybe one of Sir James Godwin's wife isn't dead. It was Jane all along. She's been hiding in East Berlin. Who the fuck is it? However, she never gave up. And as she tentatively approached Bish, she saw him shudder in expectation. Oh dear.

And she sadly knew it was over. What he'd come or the operation? He'd found release. He'd just jizzed himself. Oh God. At the sight of that naked torso. Fuck me. However cool Bish was, he's just lost all his cool.

Was he cool with his yellow teeth and his dead arm well you know it was just feeling like quite cool like spy scenario it wasn't jack bauer was he let's be honest no he's just just his knickers yeah that kind of puts a bit of a a dampener on things literally he'd found release in just seeing her naked she reassessed the situation well you would she had to give Bish something he was paying her big money how much do you reckon for espionage

well I don't think it's one standard rate guys for espionage you're like what's the given rate for one unit of espionage the value of it to trump your competitor how do you put a price on that

no it's true I think you get paid an awful lot. Yeah. Because it's your life. Like for a lot of people, you kind of don't re-emerge from it, do you? So I would say at least 30 grand. 30 grand! For how long?

For a sustained period of espionage. He was paying her big money and a quarter of it that afternoon. £7,500 today. In a little briefcase. She always carries the briefcase. It's got fucking cold, hard cash in it. No, it's got recording equipment in it.

She's got a wire on. What if she blinks to take pictures? What if she's got a wire on what if she blinks to take pictures what if she's got little cameras in her eye that's not a million miles away from what rachel bloom yeah i'm not gonna lie i'm so happy he was paying her big money and a quarter of it that afternoon. Her advance, so to speak, on results yet to be attained. So she's newly working for him, that would imply. So she's been working there and then they've approached her and said,

what are you on? I'll triple it and then give you a quarter. If she's on 80 grand and steals, say it was Belinda, she's on 80 grand plus travel perks. So what, do you think they'd triple it? Yeah, that's an incentive, isn't it? Nearly a quarter you a quarter. If she's on 80 grand at Steeles, say it was Belinda, she's on 80 grand plus travel perks. So what, do you think they'd triple it? Yeah, that's an incentive, isn't it? Nearly a quarter of a mil. Whoa.

Plus more travel perks. But if it's Bella, £3.50 back at Chris. Yeah, 300 quid. And back down. So a quarter of that would be what, like 60 grand? Yeah, today.

In her pocket, in cash. Fucking hell. How's she going to get that through customs? Is. In her pocket. Today. In cash. Fucking hell. How's she going to get that through customs? Is it going to be in euros or pounds? Deutschmark today. Yeah. Wheel barrows of old money. Do you have to declare it to the taxman?

Oh, God. It would have to be a blowjob. What? A headhunt, please. After all, she really didn't want to have to kiss his horrible cigar-stained teeth, never mind the fetid breath. She'd rather suck his cock than kiss his mouth. No.

Good old clean cum was a much better option, and she gladly took it. Good old clean cum. Good old. Oh, Ellie. Good old clean cum. What do you mean she gladly took it so she just licked him clean? Because he's already come so she's not giving

him a blowjob. Oh God. So she's just mopping up his pants. Also he doesn't sound like he has clean come. And also what is good ol' clean come? Is that like some sort of Christmas carol? Oh good ol' clean come last one out. Oh come all ye come.

The special one slowly pulled down down, hair bish, is Soviet-style trousers. Stop reminding us we're in Germany. It's the Cold War, guys. Oh, for fuck's sake. In 2015. What is a Soviet style? Is it like a skinny jean? Like a combat pant.

Favoured by a pop star in the early 90s. She removed his black underpants. Finally, someone isn't wearing a thong in this book. Jesus. Black on the outside, white on the inside though, aren't they now? Oh. And gently kissed his flaccid cock. His flaccid cock?

Flaccid. Please just come, I mean. Oh. No one surely enjoys that. You want somebody as far away as possible if it's flaccid, right? You don't want somebody like pecking as possible if it's flaccid, right? You don't want somebody like pecking at it while it's just

laying there. A small amount of semen still remained on his penis. Of course it did. God. She delicately

licked it up in one fluid movement. In one fluid movement. Bish groaned in delight did he though? whilst grabbing her tits and relentlessly squeezed her nipples between his spindly forefinger and thumb

spindly also he's quite skinny skinny and gross little liver spotted Mr Burns oh yeah in his Soviet style trousers please of course probably too big for him the special one's mouth in response liver-spotted Mr Burns. Oh, yeah. In his Soviet-style trousers, please. Of course. They're probably too big for him.

The special one's mouth, in response, sucked up all of Bish's member. Flaccid. I'd like to eat a marshmallow. Like a Henry Hoover. I actually don't feel very well. She gagged on fresh air. It's not fresh down there.

And sucked harder, trying desperately to produce some sort of friction between her tongue and Bish's cock. He's just come. Yes, she knows nothing about sex, it is, Bella. This is too detailed. You can't make someone hard and come immediately after. You need to recover. Yeah, you need to let him breathe. You need to give it, like, what?

An hour? Oh. I wouldn't say that long. No, yeah, me neither. James is like, it'll be Thursday now. She rhythmically moved back and forth whilst Bish screamed for mercy. Yeah, because it's probably quite tender.

It's not going to get harder. It's just going to... Oh, God. Get off my penis. The special one smiled. Can we stop saying the special one? Also, can you smile with a flaccid cock in your mouth? I don't know, can you?

Never have, never will. This was so much easier than all of her other encounters. This was easier? It sounds awful. It sounds repulsive. Bish pulled her closer to him. He wanted to feel her gyrating ass. It was so responsive. The ass was.

So, so tender. He'd show her who was the boss. He knew he'd prematurely ejaculated. We all do. Now the world knows. But he was the money, and he'd make sure she always understood. Jamie, your eyes have gone very big. Very big.

If she lived that long, of course. This is what I said! If she lived that long, he's going to kill her. Or maybe she's just not very healthy with her lifestyle choices. That seems pretty harsh. Well, they are harsh, aren't they, these espionage people? These espionage people. The espionage department are famously very harsh. I guess once she's done her job, they don't want her blabbing.

Exactly. What else can they do? No, no, no. She hasn't done the job yet, remember? She said, for results yet to be attained so she's safe for now but she may well

she's disposable be murdered in the future she might get axed fucking hell Rocky it's like Game of Thrones isn't it they're all gonna die he has a very

very overactive imagination he does doesn't he though fucking hell and it's taken me till chapter 15 of book 3 to realise that

within minutes Bish had become sated with her body and pushed the now panting espionage agent away from his cold body I think just drink on espionage espionage, drink

cold body, is he a reptile? Like a snake. Oh god he is. He is a snake. She's a snake. She's a bloody serpent. The still naked special one stood in front of the now coughing old school German. He's not well. Watching him

feebly pull up the zip on his trousers. How old is he? With one arm, because he can't do it with that dead arm, can he? Well, he must be quite old if he was attacked in the Cold War 40 years ago. No, he wasn't attacked in the Cold War. He was injured in the Cold War, and we don't know if it was related to combat. He's got spindly fingers, a cold body. A heart that is doing all kinds of crazy stuff by the sounds of it.

And a cock that is way too overactive. And a chronic cough. She wondered how much longer he had left in this world. So they're both thinking about each other's deaths. What a lovely way to round off a sexual encounter. Oh my God, suppose it ends with them just both killing each other. Wow. Like they departed.

She'd better get her money quickly and get back to the safety of her deep cover this is very exciting Bish pulled open a drawer in his desk and took out a tablet device an iPad other iPads are available

a tablet device he powered it up oh good for God's sake it wasn't even standby anyone these spies they should know

to have things on standby he powered it up and asked the special one for her bank account number you don't transfer dodgy fucking spy salaries by just doing a little

I'm going to set you up as a regular payee what should I put the reference as I'll put it I just got to set you up as a regular payee is that what should I put the reference as I'll put it I've just got to find my card where's that bloody

card reader I'm using the secure key have you seen it it's so bloody annoying you've got to have it with you at all times what are you talking about what would the reference be

ESP because you can never fit it all in can you ESP but the S is a five and the E is a euro he believed in paying But put it all in, can you? S, but the S is a five. And the E is a euro.

He believed in paying his bills promptly. Even if it was dodgy as fuck. Do you know what? My dad really believed in paying his bills promptly. Oh my God. He wants them paid within seconds. Yeah. Suppliers always appreciated it. And they always gave you priority when you needed another job doing.

Business tip. Pay your suppliers immediately. And murder your employees. And spy on your competitors. That's business. It was the same with industrial spies. And this girl was one of the best he'd ever encountered. And he was in the Cold War. Wait, she hasn't delivered yet, so he doesn't know one of the best he'd ever encountered. And he was in the Cold War.

Wait, she hasn't delivered yet, so he doesn't know she's the best. Her day job meant she came into contact with some interesting companies. Is it Belinda? All roads lead to Belinda. Why was she talking to Grigor Kolansky? We didn't know why. Collusion with the Russians. Wouldn't be the first time.

Wouldn't be the first time. Her day job meant she came into contact with some interesting companies and he could choose which ones to infiltrate as and when he needed but this project was so satisfying in so many ways well i'm glad he's happy but i'd really like to know who the special one is hairbish tapped in the numbers and hit the return key yes we know how to transfer funds on an online account thank you the return key that is it my special one one million euros wow i'd spy for that I spy with my little eye.

Oh, the money I've unwanted. One million euros. That's about 10 English pounds. At current rates. And that's just a quarter. So she's being paid four million euros. Fuck me. Four million euros.

It can't be worth it. For the pots and pans industry. Yeah, I imagine so. Some really great intel there. One million euros now in your chosen bank account. Chosen. I presume you have. H-A-F.

Expenses to pay and people to oil. Oh, so she has to pay her expenses out this morning. It's not all pure salary. Of course, Herr Bish. There are always people to oil. Oh, the whole thing's disgusting. Bish smiled. Closed the computer.

Thought it was a tablet. Folded it and smashed it. Stamped on the tablet. Closed the computer. With a flourish. And watched her finish dressing. Heading to all the corners of the room to get her stuff.

To the north, east, south and west. She went. Of East Berlin. She was indeed a beautiful, if wild, creature. Wild. I i mean there's still every possibility it's a character we've never heard of course why are we getting up why why would we think that he would go this far and get it right at the final because he's so got it right like if it's belinda this is incredible really he wished he was 30 years younger and sadly shook his head. 30 years younger.

So how old do you think he is? Like 90? Maybe 70. Yeah. 60. World's oldest man. He's 110. He reached for another cigar, lit it and inhaled.

You don't inhale a cigar you cough your guts up yeah you're supposed to like yeah good morning special one now it's not the time for good mornings she's licked him clean he waved her out of the room with his free hand until next time, Hair Bish. That will be soon. Very, very soon. We are going to find out who it is, aren't we? Bish coughed. And took another drag of the cigar. Watching the now leather-clad sexy ass depart from the room.

Sounds like he needs to stop smoking. Oh gosh, he's not got very long to live, has he? It's hours. Literally hours. She's not going to get the rest of that money. No, she's three million euros down. I hope she's happy with the mill because she's not getting any more.

Steals, pots and pans. The Bish Herstalung's biggest competitor in Europe, indeed the world, would never know what hit it. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't know what's hit me. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Bish cackled his cold, phlegmy laugh. Phlegmy?

Oh, I hate this. Steel's brand new, top secret, state of the art, trioxy brillo range. Oh, God. Would soon be his. Stop it. And he would make a fortune. He has got, like, even we don't know about the trioxy brillo range.

And also, no one's making their fortune out of the tri-Oxybrillo range. Habish blinked. Oh my God. Semicolon. Yeah. And that is the end of Belinda Blink. No! Three.

Oh, my fucking God. Fuck me hard with the tri-oxybrillo range. Fuck you, Jamie. Fuck you. Why are you blaming me? Fuck Bish. Fuck the special one. And fuck Rocky. No, well done, Rocky. It was Fuck Bish. Fuck the special one. And fuck Rocky.

No, well done, Rocky. That's a brilliant one. Oh my God. He's left us all wanting more. You cannot leave it like that. Do you know what the really annoying thing is? We're going to have to do fucking a book four now. I was so ready for this to be a fucking trilogy.

I can't believe we ever thought the last chapter could be disappointing. That is the best thing we've ever read. But it sets up so much for book four. Someone's going to be trying to bring down Steel. So we have no idea who it is. Everyone's a suspect. Every woman. I do not trust Maeve.

You're not the first person to have said it. So hang on. Who could it be? Okay. Bella. Bella. Giselle. Yeah.

And Belinda. It's one of the Glee team. Maeve? I think it could be Maeve, maybe. She's had a promotion as well. She has had a be Maeve maybe she's had a promotion as well she has had a promotion technically she's had a promotion fucking hell

yeah we have to do book four we kind of do don't we okay let's do a show of hands James I'm in Alice I'm so in oh fucking hell

all right fine we'll do it but you have to transfer me a million euros is that all right okay fine Porno Day shall return and we'll do it. But you have to transfer me a million euros. Is that alright? Okay, fine. Porno Day shall return in 2018. I can't even believe

I'm saying that. There will be so much that people want to say about this. Yeah. So do not hesitate to get in touch. Yeah.

Who is the rat inside Steels, Pots and Pants? Get in touch at Dad Wrote a Porno on Twitter. Hashtag the special one yes you've been sending their theories to my dad wrote a porno at gmail.com you've got literally months to get

and months to make some lovely illustrations so i had to my dad wrote her on instagram too in the meantime though we would love you to come and catch a live show so keep up to date with everything on my dad wrote a porno.com and also i think we can say right now that we are going to be back for a christmas special it's kind of become tradition oh yeah you can't have your turkey without listening to a bit of uh porn yeah so we will be dropping a christmas special at some point in december so look out for that it's been such a fun series i've loved this book we've had some amazing guests on footnotes you guys have sent in amazing things had incredible theories and props to my dad we're all here because of rocky so thanks dad yeah incredible rocky i mean you will be listening to this uh we'll probably see you at the pavilion

soon anyway but just wonderful work so guys thank you so so much for listening and we will see you next year have you got the title of belinda blink 4 yeah what is it belinda blink 4 it's too good