My Dad Wrote A Porno - S3E9 - 'Yorkshire'

Episode Date: July 24, 2017

Belinda flies to Yorkshire to meet her RSM, Ken Dewsbury, and resolve an issue with one of her distributors in her own unique way. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno. Unbeknown to the contestants, the club would immediately send them all to a charity organisation for distribution to its shops throughout Belgium. Oh, God! What? What is the game?

It's a song we sing. What is the game? No one knows the game. What is the game? Where my clothes go. What is the game? That was my grandma's. What is the game? Where my clothes go, what is the game? That was my grandma's, what is the game? I've only got about three minutes left with you. Alphonse barked out a deep cough,

making Belinda think he was going to exit this life and continue. Exit this life! Happy Porno day It's Monday Which means my dad Wrote a porno is back I'm Jamie I'm here with Alice Hello

I'm here with James Hi How's it going guys? I'm top of the world You've just been having A fucking good time I've just been having A fucking great time

Since we last met In life Not the rocky definition I was going to say Have you been to A private member's club? I use it very differently You've been to a reading room having a fucking great time since we last met in life not the rocky definition i was gonna say you've been to a private member i use it very differently you've been to a reading room oh man what an ep i also think she's going to be famous now because of those paps i think we're gonna belinda's gonna become infamous well she'll be one name you know like a share a madonna yeah belinda precisely on all the covers. Playboy. Tatler.

You name it. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do that. Are you joking? Oh, come on. No, you're right. Nuts. Zoo.

That's more her speed. She wouldn't even ask for the money. She'd be like, yeah, I'll do it for free. I've already got the pictures, actually. I've just been waiting for an hour. Have you ever had a professional family photo shoot, though? When we were kids, yeah. I haven't.

Haven't you? But I am obsessed with them. We had one about 10 years ago and at one point we had to lie on the floor on our fronts and tickle each other

to be fair the photo came out quite nice but it was fucking weird who did you have to tickle your sister who was I next to

someone my stepdad I don't know oh no poor bastard James this is a weird confession with your hands or with a feather Who was I next to? Someone. My stepdad, I don't know. Oh, no. Poor bastard. James, this is a weird confession. With your hands or with a feather? With your hands.

It was prop light. With buttery fingertips. Coming after you. Now, Jamie, I know that the Flintstones have these because when I did my tour of the pavilion... Did you see the black and white? I saw them all. Yeah.

You've got many. There's a lot of photographs in my parents' house. What, professional shoots? The black and white professional shoot is one of my favourites, actually. What is it? All of my sister's like on top of me, because we also had to lie on the floor. Excuse me? Yeah, she kind of was lying on top of me.

It's weird. Some of the arrangements were unorthodox, but I presumed that Rocky had arranged those himself. These photographers just haven't taken a picture before. Because you're such a big family as well. You're like a touring theatre troupe. It's like your press shop for a tour. We must have looked really awful in ours as well because I remember they came through

and they were all in black and white. I think that's what they do. Oh, right, sure. Unless ours look shit as well. Everybody looks better in B&W though, don't they? No, seriously. They were just like, seep the other shit out to that

I'm like greyscale that to fuck please so what's this week's chapter called I can't remember if I told you this week's chapter is Yorkshire

yes you did God's Own Country oh that's it God's Own Country exactly maybe Ken Dewsbury's shining moment at last oh finally

we all met in Yorkshire we did indeed we did there you go also interesting fact my mum and dad's first house together as a couple shining moment at last. Oh, finally. We all met in Yorkshire. We did indeed. We did. There you go. Also, interesting fact, my mum and dad's first house together as a couple was on the next road from my first house I had in Leeds. That's so weird.

Did you know that before you went and moved to the house? I don't know if that's that weird. I feel like that's when people go, oh my God, my birthday's the 13th of June. And people go, that's so weird. Mine's the 13th of August. That's go that's so weird mine's the 13th of august that's so strange or like that's so odd my brother's is the 12th of june okay cool yeah so interesting factors may be overstating it but it's definitely a fact oh my god we're going back to

leeds slash yorkshire yeah back to yorkshire oh can't wait to hear your yorkshire accent you've heard it already I've heard it Man the pants Man the pants If you're unfamiliar with that reference It was from our Christmas special Oh yeah which is available now on ACAS Plus Plug It's Christmas somewhere in the world isn't it Okay so let's delve in

Belinda Blinked 3 Chapter 9 Yorkshire. Alphonse had left around two-ish in the morning, saying he had an early flight to Ireland, where they were intending to source an independent manufacturer of high quality butter. What's he doing again? I thought he was in pots and pans.

He's in sales. For? Sales. He's kitchens, isn't he? Kitchen wares? He's a bit of everything. Hasn't he got like 300 outlets? Oh, that was it, yes. Very vague.

Oh, so he sells more than just pots and pans. Well, clearly, apparently things that need butter. Irish butter. Butter. We've got your butter, we've got your bread. Which is the envy of the world, Irish butter, but still. Oh, isn't it good? Oh, lovely. As a result, Belinda was left aboard the flight alone. How she longed for Hazel and a tumble in B2. Surprised Hazel's not there. She flies every other bloody flight in the world. I know, either as a passenger or

genuinely as a co-pilot. Ken Dewsbury waited dutifully at Leeds Bradford Airport arrivals for his boss. I never think of her as their boss. I know. Because the lines have been so blurred. I forget that there's an actual hierarchy sometimes. Ken saw her before she saw him. And he thought once again, What a magnificent creature she was No James

Oh sorry And he thought once again What a magnificent creature she was You don't want to be called a creature do you You're such a beautiful creature Hi Ken Hi Barbie Don't do that

Oh god Don't do that Barbie girl I'm a put pots and pans girl. I really wondered what was happening there. And I was like, this rings a bell. Hi, Ken. Hi, Barbie. Hi, Ken, shouted Belinda.

Tell me more about this little problem with our biggest UK customer. No context. Say hi first. A little problem. Don't ask me how I am. Ken nodded sheepishly. He was grateful for the boss's help. He was in deep water and he didn't know what to do.

What's happened? Never mind where to go. Well, out of arrivals, I imagine. Baby steps, Ken. Follow the exit signs. It's all very well labelled. Are we aware of what this situation is? Who is their biggest UK customer?

Maybe we haven't met them yet. Not Peter, he's Dutch. He's Dutch. Not Alphonse, he's Belge. Yeah. We haven't met a UK supplier yet, I don't think. Which is odd, isn't it? Yeah.

Stakeless to book three. Have we not? No one at the barbecue? Well, I guess Steeles isn't a retailer. No, they're the manufacturer, famously. You've been reading this a lot, love. I mean, I'm doing my best to learn business from this thing. Nice of you to join us, Jamie.

Why we're trying to make sense of this business empire, I do not know. He wasn't built for confrontation with the famously combative distribution supervisor and trade union boss andy milston of shakespeare retail stores oh for god's sake shakespeare really very british so british the most british of all the suppliers andy milston i'm so into andy you know he's gonna be such a fucking ball breaker. Trade union boss. Famously formidable. He won't stand for all this shagging around.

No. Do you not think? He'll get the job done. But maybe he'll get the job done. The hand job done. Precisely. He wasn't built for confrontation with the famously combative distribution supervisor and trade union boss, Andy Milston, of Shakespeare Retail Stores. I still don't understand where Andy sits in the scheme of things.

I don't understand how he's like the head of the union and has his own company. Like, what? Like, am I being really stupid? It's like conflict of interest. Like if he's the head of the union, but also... I'm going to fight for your rights. Hang on. What are longer hours? In my factory, anyway.

He's got a dual personality. Cheaper wages. What are you talking about? Andy, you're being far too harsh on them. Shut up, Andy. We're protesting. I've got overheads over here. You're a scab. We need you in eight tomorrow.

You can think again. They entered the massive distribution centre, unsure of where to find Milson's office, as Ken had only previously called him in Worksop, where the company's head office was based. Sorry, so they didn't know where to find him because he'd only ever made a phone call to a different office. Whose head office is it?

Shakespeare's head office will be in Worksop. Oh, and the distribution centre's in Yorkshire. Absolutely. So they didn't know where his office was because they'd never been to even the one in Worksop. They just called the one in Worksop. Oh, Jesus. Oh, I can't find his office

because I've only ever made a call to a different building. Great. I've got a headache. A canteen was opposite them and Belinda went to ask where Mr Milston's whereabouts was The thinnish tea lady Thinnish Thinnish or thinnish

Thinnish How can you be thinnish How can you be tallish How can you be smallish Isn't thinnish just slim Slimish Yeah She's too thin to be slim

But she's too slim to be thin So she's thinnish Makes total sense Thank you for clearing it up Oh my god Our first ish of the chapter Brilliant The Finnish tea lady

Called Ethel Pointed up some fire escape like stairs And said And said Double and said Oh it is double Too unsaid Yeah

And said And said I said I said I said I said Oh, it is double. Too unsaid. Yeah. And said, and said. I say, I say. I said, I said. Good luck, lass. You'll need it. Belinda said thanks.

Wondering what she meant about the luck part of her answer. The only part of her answer. You would. But her information was good. And Belinda... Her information was good. Why wouldn't it be? It was one instruction. She just pointed up some stairs. You would. But her information was good and Belinda Her information was good? Why wouldn't it be? It was one instruction she just pointed up

some stairs. At the CIA the information was good. We're in. Ethel's a fantastic lead. Our intel is top notch. But her information

was good and Belinda soon found Milston's office. There are two full stops. I think Dad got very erratic during this transition. I said I said

full stop full stop. Just copying and pasting by accident. Ken knocked on the door and they entered. What, they just knocked and went in? I'd be like, yeah, you knocked, polite,

but don't just open the door. That's what parents do, don't they, to teenagers. I'm coming in. Giving no warning at all. Yeah, on purpose. Mr. Milston, sir. I have pleasure of introducing my boss, Belinda Blumenthal.

Boss, Mr. Andy Milston. A big, red... Oh, what? Throbbing? Round-faced man. Oh, sure. Got up from the desk. He was sitting behind and came forward with an outstretched hand. He was about 60-ish, bald, with a large-ish hand he was about 60 ish bald with a large-ish

beer belly so many issues you know ish and hip-hop means shit this book is full of ish is it ish yeah i don't know you're such a hip-hop queen well there's a lot you don't know about me she does love rap though doesn't she like we'll come around often she'll be like put that childish gambino on he's a very talented artist who doesn't love him him, yeah. Yeah, who doesn't love him? Oh yeah, I mean, I love him too, yeah. What's your fourth favourite song? Well, it's in between all the, you know, Kendrick Lamar I listen to.

Sure. The Kanye. You're talking-ish. He was about 60-ish, bald, with a large-ish beer belly and well-trimmed fingernails. What are you talking about? What? She focuses on all the fucking weirdest things and well-trimmed fingernails. What are you talking about? What?

She focuses on all the fucking weirdest things. Well-trimmed? You'd notice if they were like raggedy and long. Why would you notice that they were well-trimmed? Maybe she's thinking, if that's well-trimmed, other things about them are well-trimmed. Hmm, I don't know. That doesn't correlate necessarily.

Or maybe you're thinking they're well-trimmed, like if they went somewhere, that would be fine by me. No. Yeah, safe. He thought himself a bit of a dandy when it came to women. A dandy? What is a dandy? A very very flamboyant man from the 1800s. And

quite camp. It wasn't Byron and Oscar Wilde, aren't they dandies? Sure, he doesn't sound like what I imagine a dandy to be. Big fat red. Beer belly. Don't they wear like flouncy blouses and things? But luckily he's got very well trimmed fingernails, so he's all good.

That's textbook dandy, actually. Pleased to meet thee. Me! Me! Pleased to meet thee, Belinda. Pleased to meet thee, Belinda. There's three A's on the Belinda there. Sit thee down, please, Ken. For God's sake.

Andy is my fave. Ken, big titties Matilda at head office. Trade union boss Andy Milstein Oh my god it might as well be the 1800s This fucking everyday sexism What did Andy do? Big titty Matilda Big titty Tilda was it? Ken

Big titties Matilda at head office Wants to, was it? Ken, Big Titty's Matilda at head office wants to talk to you on phone about some wrong invoices. Ken shook his head. More bloody wrong invoices. I swear to God, I spend more time with that woman than I do with my own wife. But hang on, Ken. If there's wrong invoices,

surely you're doing the invoices wrong. Not more wrong invoices. Like, yeah the invoices wrong not more wrong invoices like yeah do an invoice right belinda blinked what just at the sheer chauvinism of it all that was the first reference ken dewsbury had ever made to being married oh does that matter whatever next she thought because he's so not a catch. Is that what she thinks? She's like, well, if Ken Dewsbury's married, chance for us all.

Yeah, maybe. Or maybe the fact that he's just a bit of a lech and he shouldn't be married with that sort of attitude. As Ken left the room to take the call, Belinda noticed the whole office wall was a sheet of glass. Looking into the busy canteen, full of lorry drivers in dirty blue overalls.

A window. A window. Why are the lorry drivers wearing dirty overalls? Oh yeah, good point. It's clean work driving a lorry. Yeah. Famously. Lorry drivers though.

What? They've got a reputation for like kinky sex stuff. Do they? Do they? There was a documentary on Channel 4 called Dogging Tales. Right. Which James immediately Sky Plus. And apparently

Sky Plus is rancid. Honestly. The Snoopers chat will have a field day with his. Oh my God. It's pure dark web. Oh my God.

Is it too late to clear my browsing history? Yeah. Apparently 70% of lorry drivers go dogging. That is absolutely outrageous.

That's so true. According to this documentary. 70%. 70% of lorry drivers. But I bet some lorry drivers listen to this show, so naughty naughty!

Or apologies to all of us. I mean, naughty naughty, but also each their own. You go enjoy your dogging. Oh, sure. But it is illegal. Is it? Yeah. Dogging's illegal. Well, you're opening yourself up to a litany of charges there. You've got indecent Dogging's illegal? Well, you're opening yourself up to a litany of charges there. You've got indecent exposure,

public lewdness, gross indecency. How do you know all these laws so specifically? Sounds like Belinda's CV. I used to be a lorry driver. The whole office wall was a sheet of glass

looking into the busy canteen full of lorry drivers in dirty blue overalls. This must be how he controls his workforce, she thought, as a wicked idea flashed across her brain. This must be how he controls his workforce, she thought, as a wicked idea flashed across her brain. What must be how they control them?

Having a canteen? Looking out the window. How can you control somebody by... Just like wave your hands. No! I guess it's like George Orwell, you know, the all-seeing eye. I'm always watching you. So people feel like they must step into line.

Exactly, at least when they eat. Again, he's a trade union boss. What's with these, like, strict laws? Well, this is actually not really him in his trade union role. This is very much his distribution hat that he's wearing. Distribution supervisor, James. Completely different remit. Please don't confuse the two.

Now then, Miss Blumenthal, steals pots and pans. Have a problem with treating us lorry driver folk with respect and not ignoring us. So does James with all of his stats about them barked Mr Milston. Doggy

There you go Belinda blinked once more. That was a very throwaway blink What did Ken let happen? She always respected distribution people. They could make or break a supplier's sales to any company if they felt they weren't being treated fairly.

It's true. Belinda had made the decision back on the plane to travel thongless throughout Yorkshire. She was. Thongless throughout Yorkshire. Belinda had made the decision back on the plane to travel thongless throughout Yorkshire Belinda had made the decision back on the plane to travel thongless

throughout Yorkshire Why? And she secretly thanked the Norse gods that she had Oh for God's sake Why would you make that decision?

Why would that be such an important part of your thinking? Your thought process I'm going to go thongless throughout the county of Yorkshire Throughout Yorkshire If I cross over into Lancash go thongless throughout the county of yorkshire if i cross over into lancashire thong back on full-on bloomers oh my god belinda moved her

legs apart and quietly hitched her skirt upwards making sure andy could see directly in it in it In it. In it. Look at it. Look it in the eye. Face your fears, Andy. It's not a puddle. It was his office and he was the union. So he slightly moved his chair to get a better view. What? Is he pulling rank?

I guess, yeah. Like, he's the boss around here, so he can have a look at her vag. Well, she's showing him on purpose, so it's not like... Andy could now see the top of her pale thighs, but couldn't... Sorry. James is just sick in his mouth. Pale thighs, is that a tan line?

Andy could now see the top of her pale thighs, but couldn't see any signs of underwear. He continued. To look. He's slowly moving his eyes up her legs. No, no, no. He continued. Oh.

Now then, do you realise this is the first time your Mr Dewsbury has set foot in this depot? Andy looked up her legs again. Good God, he thought to himself. She's come to meet him bareback. It's not bareback. Commando, he means commando. It's not where bareback is.

Why would Belinda be wearing a condom? A femidom. Oh my God, she's not got a dental dam on. Oh, bless him. Bareback. Bareb bum is what he means good god he thought to himself she's come to me meeting bareback well i never andy immediately came in his pants oh gross sorry oh really okay, at least I know the threshold. Andy immediately forgot his increasing rant and wasn't at all put out about Belinda's state of undress.

But he'd been flummoxed and didn't know how to capitalise further on it. Does this make any sense? No. As I'm reading it, I'm like, this is such weird logic. Maybe he's got half a brain as trade union, half a brain as distribution supervisor. I honestly stopped listening after Ethel left. Like, this is such weird logic. Maybe he's got half a brain as trade union, half a brain as distribution supervisor. I honestly stopped listening after Ethel left.

Like, what is happening? You're just wondering what Ethel's doing in the kitchen. Well, her information was good. What soup of the day? You get a lovely crusty roll with that. Oh, lovely. Lovely bloomer. Irish butter.

So he was in the middle of a rant about Ken never coming to the distribution centre. The depot, yeah. And then he saw right inside Belinda. Andy racked his brains and came up with a quick strategy. Let me guess, this strategy is going to be shit. Can't have the blouse chiff in those delicate nipples now, can we? This is his strategy.

Genius. He said, Belinda dutifully opened her blouse and unclasped her skimpy string bra. String? Like a string vest. String bra? It's made of threads.

Loose, loose cottons. Good God. What magnificently well-formed titties you have, Belinda. Stop saying titties, Andy. It's not the 1950s. She's going to have a new nickname. Tits Belinda. Titties is so great,

isn't it? He took them firmly in both of his hands and felt their dead weight. Dead weight. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Dead weight is so offensive.

Dead titty weight. Dead titty load. Oh, my God. They're like dumbbells. You know, like in Roadrunner cartoons when they've got those like... Weights, yeah. He moved them to the right and then to the left. Slam it to the left.

If you're having a good time. Titty to the right. If you're not ready to feel fine. Watching how they always bounced back to their original position. Like one of those executive toys. Yeah.

You know the little ball bearings on the string just swinging them left and right. He sadly thought about his missus. She hardly ever took hers out

very often these days. Even for a little walk? I wonder bloody why. Yeah, it sounds like you're an awful man. Big red fat, big fat man with a big red face. Huge, big, fat dandy.

I'd hide my titties too. Oh, God, his poor wife. Oh, what an awful life. I bet she's dead timid as well. Oh, man. Probably Ethel. I bet it is Ethel. Why would it be

Ethel? He's got spies everywhere. Oh my god. Years of self control melted with his continued handling of Belinda's tits and Andy Milston He shoved himself.

Followed through. What does it mean? What does it mean? Years of self-control. Years of self-control against incontinence. No, years of self-control melted with his continued handling of Belinda's tits. And Andy Milston, trade union boss of the TGWU union, broke his own rules.

TGWU, doesn't the U normally stand for union? The TGWU union. Oh, God. The union union, and said, and full stop full stop oh why is this so good he touched belinda's now completely exposed clitoris and started to massage it crudely as he was by his own admission no expert done by his wife's admission I'd imagine but this

talking about the years of self control maybe this is his first indiscretion yeah well that's what I think yeah I think he's been a really upstanding guy his whole career slash life and now Belinda's breasts are just too much they've melted him an upstanding member of the community.

Let's get a little testimonial from Matilda, shall we, about whether he's an upstanding member of the company. Or Tits McGee, or whatever she's called. That's right, Belinda thought. Fall under my businesswoman's spell. My businesswoman's spell. It's not a thing. I mean, it's just not a thing. I mean, it goes without saying, but It's not a thing. I mean, it's just not a thing.

I mean, it goes without saying, but it's not a thing. What, businesswoman spell? A businesswoman spell. You must have been under a businesswoman spell. Andy massaged the little nub of oily skin. Oily? What, the clitoris? Nub of oily skin. Is that what it is? No. Oh, God clitoris? A nub of oily skin.

Is that what it is? No. Oh, God. Oily? And enjoyed Belinda getting wetter and wetter, licking his fingers the odd time or two. Time or two? Time or two. Licking his fingers.

So he's like, you know, fingering it and then having a little slurp every now and then oh he needs a napkin or like trying to enhance it with a bit of his own oh just like a bit of lubrication which i think is like desperately offensive well it's very oily so oh yeah oil and water don't mix go straight to the top it's going to separate right out Belinda realised she was going to get no release from him

but she needed him satisfied no matter how much she yearned for his cock-up-er cock-up-er is that a breed of dog? did they give I'll come pet my cock-up-er

is that what you say then when you're up north? I'll come pet my cock-a-butt. Is that what you say then when you're up north? Did you sleep with a... Yeah, a cock-a-butt. Andy started to concentrate big time on her tits. Big time. Big time. I hate big time. Big time.

Big time, big time. Big time Andy. Dad says big time all the time. Oh, is that another one like Jusianne? Just hoping he stops writing. Just saying has evolved, hasn't it?

It's now just whatever the tweet was about initially. I like just humming. Just humming. It's genius. Andy started to concentrate big time on her tits,

sucking them, rolling his fingers up and down her extending nipples, pulling them and eating them as best he could. He was like a horny pig in muck. He sounds like he looks like a pig.

A pig with a huge hat with a feather in it. Such a dandy. Pig with a moustache. Pig with a cigarillo. Pig wearing a wrinkle finger. Pig with a cigarillo. Pig wearing a winkle finger. Pig penning poetry on the moors. Oh my God. Pig in a hat with a feather in it.

He was like a horny pig in muck. My God, Belinda. You're so receptive. Well, she's not, because she's not finding it pleasurable at all. Sounds like she just sat there. That was his last words for a good half hour. What? Where did he go? Where was his mouth? As he manfully brought Belinda to a fake climax.

Every few minutes. She's like, if I'm going to fake it once, I might as well fake it 150 times. Now using his fingers, tongue, lips and nose Nose It's not a snout It could hunt out a truffle Oh god Snuffling her truffle

Oh good god Oh god We've actually gone delirious. Never once did he remove any of his clothes. And more importantly, never once did he remove his cock from his stained and straining dirty blue overalls. Do you think he tried to and Melinda was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, keep it on, it's sexier.

Leave everything on. Maybe put an extra cloak on. Maybe a bag over your pig's head. Why is he wearing overalls? Why is everybody wearing overalls? He's the man of the people. He's a trade union boss. Okay, fine.

Can everyone see in to what they're doing? Yes, famously. Yeah, famously. Including Ethel. Oh, God. Ethel slipped on the soup. The wife. Okay, Ethel's not his wife.

No, true. Yeah. Oh, God, Ethel slipped on the soup. The wife. Okay, Ethel's not his wife. No, true, yeah. Oh, James. Belinda smiled as she watched all the lorry drivers gawp at her from the canteen, unbeknown to the very busy Andy Milston TGWU chief. She could give the Home Secretary some tips, she mused. I dread to think who was Home Secretary when this was written. Theresa May.

It would have been Theresa May. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Home Secretary and Andy Milston getting it on. Oh, God. But as a man of self-control, eventually Milston's true nature kicked in. What, is he going to be like,

what the hell am I doing? He sucked Belinda's tits for another two minutes then slowly but sadly helped her to dress. Is this his dual personality kicking in? It definitely is. Oh this is amazing. Andy what are you doing? Stop it. You've got a wife.

Stuck her tits for two more minutes. No I won't. Belinda firstly thank you. And secondly, can I have a small memento to remind me of your visit? Oh, what's he want? Why, certainly, Andy. I think I've got a couple of company pens in my briefcase.

Oh, that's definitely what he meant. Replied a curious Belinda. That briefcase. I mean, shout out to the briefcase because that briefcase goes everywhere with her. Through thick and thin. Honestly, it's seen the wars, hasn't it? Please don't think me silly

or come to that soft. But I'd like that there string bra. And a lock of your hair. I feel like he's a right creepy bastard. Belinda laughed. That's not silly, Andy. It's a compliment. Take it.

Now. Take it now. Right now. Take it right now. Belinda threw the bit of black material to Andy, who deftly caught it. Deftly. Definitely. Smelt her sweat on it and quickly stuffed it into his overall pocket

Almost afraid Belinda might change her mind And give him the pens He doesn't want those pens does he He doesn't want those pens You can have them as well It's not in substitute of You've never done that on a free pen James No seriously I'm always out of pens

Where do the pens go Thanks Belinda Said Andy I owe thee dinner sometime Or whatever Where do the pens go? Where do the pens go? Thanks, Belinda, said Andy. I owe thee dinner sometime or whatever. He finished lamely. Oh, romantic. Andy, don't be concerned.

You do a great job for us. You know that. Just keep up the good work. Andy smiled. Nice of you to appreciate us at last, Belinda. What, that's problem solved? That 30 minutes of shit sex and all the issues out the window. I think it's great.

I think it just shows that sometimes you need to approach a problem a different way and traditional means of crisis management don't always work. No. These are business tips according to Rocky Flintstone. Note them down. This is free advice, leaving the office belinda caught the eye of a gobsmacked ken jewsbury where was he he was stood to the side no he's with big titties matilda oh he's calling it wasn't he yeah oh shit as she passed him and all the workforce she said i don't think you'll be having any

problems ken with this lot from now on as belinda jumped into his car into his car which is we presume parked in the canteen stole his car well she hasn't got her own one anymore has she no jumped in ken's car and ken's gonna give her a lift we presume back to departures, there were still three hours left before Belinda's flight. And Ken suggested she have a refreshing shower before her departure. Finally, she'll bathe. This is amazing.

Three books in. She has had washers before, but never like a shower on her own. The chocolate fountain does not class as a wash. And she's just been licked up head to toe by fucking Andy Milston. What's your point? She needs a wash. And she's just been licked up head to toe by fucking Andy Milston. What's your point? She needs a wash.

Sounds like a wet wipe job to me. People get really concerned about this. This is a thing that comes up time and time again. When will she wash? When will she wash? She was hosed down, to be fair, a couple of times in book, was it book one? Yeah, by the Duchess, that's true. And they shared a little sexy shower as well.

Yeah, she was literally scrubbed with a brush, then had a shower within like 10 minutes. That was to get the mud off though, wasn't it? Yeah. There was a reason. There was a reason. She couldn't really escape the shower. So this must be why she's going to go with the shower this time, because chalk.

There were still three hours left before Belinda's flight and Ken suggested she have a refreshing shower before her departure. Belinda agreed and Ken drove back to the outskirts of Leeds. Yay! It was in the Students' District near Headingley Cricket Ground. Oh my God! That's where Mum and Dad's house was. Where he turned the diesel Audi down a narrow back street and parked outside a row of old terraced houses.

You used to live in a terraced house in Leeds? I did. It was lovely. In Headingley too. Yeah. I own these, he said proudly. The full terrace? Been in the family for over a hundred years.

Belinda. Belink. And that is the end of the chapter. What a boring end. What a boring end. Blink. And that is the end of the chapter. What a boring end. What a boring end. It could have ended on such a high. Yeah, he could have deleted those last couple of sentences.

I mean, he's Rocky Flintstone. Over a hundred years, which is what it feels like we've been reading these books for. Hang on, is it relevant anyway? Like, what's the next chapter called? The next chapter is called Ken Dewsbury's Cellar. So, yeah. Cellar?

Oh, God. That's it. Oh, dear. Well, I need a shower. Yes, I think we all need a shower. I need a shower yes I think we all need a shower that's been our little tour of Yorkshire and all things trade unions

that's been our little tour of the mad goings on of Rocky's mind nice for Elise to get a little shower though yeah takes me back definitely I mean we did used to hang out in this area maybe we've even been in this cellar that we're going to find out about this could be my old house at a cellar

did it? you had a cellar at uni. Posh. That big house. Oh, yeah. You had an amazing house. It's good, wasn't it? Yeah, your house was the best.

It's the nicest house I'll ever live in. Yeah, honestly. All right, you're sat in my house right now. At least pretend. Should we say where it was so people can put a blue plaque on it? They probably should, shouldn't they? Regent's Park Terrace. Yeah, Regent's Park Terrace.

That's where Alice lived. Yeah. If you want to go and have a pilgrimage there. Wonderful times. Pay your respects. I'm sure there'll be many corrections this week about trade unions, jogging.

Lorry drivers and their habits. Pigs, probably. I don't know. So you can get in touch on Twitter at dadwroteaporno. Instagram at mydadwrotea. Or you could email us if you wanted. mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com.

Don't forget to visit our website, mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com don't forget to visit our website mydadwroteaporno.com where you can find loads of merchandise live tour dates all of that stuff and you can even buy Belinda Blink 3

Rocky's actual book you can go get that in e-form it's like 3p do him a favour that much he pays you 3p brilliant

so until next week until next week until next week. So, until next week. Until next week. Until next week. Until next week. Until next week.