My Dad Wrote A Porno - S6E2 - 'The Flying Doctor'

Episode Date: May 30, 2021

Stuck in the middle of nowhere, Belinda calls for help to escape the dust and scrub. Meanwhile, Herr Bisch plots his next move.Come see us live on tour in 2022 - full dates and details at mydadwroteaporno.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for what you need. And coverage starts at only $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com and secure your new policy online in a matter of minutes. Zensurance, mind your business.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno. James, Alice, how are you both today? Feeling good. Thrilled to be back. It really shows. You've got good energy today, guys. The renewal always surprises me, but when it comes in the post and I realise I'm invited back for another one, just fantastic. Look at us both in jumpers.

Yeah, it's because it's chilly in here,'t it it's a bit cold did you ever put the heating on you keep it very cold I do because because of lockdown I had the heating on the whole time and I got a bill um that was 450 pounds for a month that's why you keep the heating off for the bill well that's quite a large bill James would you not agree yeah it feels a little bit like um I guess well no lizards they're under hot lamps, aren't they? Can I just say, you have been in my house for about an hour and a half, and you choose to mention this the minute the mics get turned on. Well, we travel together, we're like, let's shame him on mine. What else did you do?

You must learn. It's becoming the show, actually. It's less about Paul and by the day, it's just more about, oh, Jamie, you're weird. I'm imagining now we'll get some kind of portion of his next bill. It's like, well, actually, it's for work purposes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go three Zs. I'm surprised the lights are on, to be quite frank.

Honestly, honestly. I mean, I dared ask for a coffee. It just takes a bit of an adjustment, doesn't it, living in a full house? Not that you two would know that, but it does. Full house. Full house. You live on your own. I know, but, like, you two are in flats, aren't you?

Oh, wow. Okay. Now the truth comes out. Yeah. Let's get all the beef out on the table, shall we? Any other judgements anyone wants to make?

Oh my God, the tablecloth is red. It's literally like one of those red table talks or whatever it is. What, the Jada Pinkett's tablecloth? Yeah. Outranger.

This has been obviously bubbling. This has been boiling unlike the atmosphere in here. It has been boiling I am so relieved that we are recording this conversation because I think you'll find that you provoked me.

So you look down on us. Let me get this straight. You look down on us because we live in flats and you live in a full house. Absolutely. I mean, I was joking. Very coarse joke. No, no, come on.

Claw it back. Come on, let's backpedal. What an unusual man. I'm just saying, it is more expensive to heat a full house, is what I'm saying. Stop saying full house. You're not in a sitcom. Why do you keep calling it full house? Okay, a, you know, a house is...

But he's saying it like it's a stately home, you know, when they had to have all the fires on. Like, calm down. Like it's got wings. I've lived in flats my entire life. Yeah, we get it, man of the people. Oh, God. Let me get the violin. Oh, my God.

I'm just trying to explain why I didn't judge my heating bill properly. Anyway, my God. Welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno. It's chapter two time. Look, let's clear the air. Your house is lovely. Thank you. Put the heating on.

Do you want me to put it on now? I can go put it on now. No, it's fine. Sorry, I'm just dabbing my nose because it's so cold. Sorry about that. Can you catch a cold? From cold? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think famously. It's my toes. You can you catch a cold? from cold? yeah I think so yeah I think famously it's my toes you know you don't you can't feel them yeah yeah yeah next time thick socks yeah absolutely

I took my trainers off that was that was a mistake wasn't it gloves no honestly I just tried to use my phone it couldn't detect my fingers

so what have you both been up to I can see my breath is this all part of that little lord what would you call me again fontleroy fontleroy yeah oh yeah because you always make out as if i live in some country pile it's just a house it's a very modest house but i think it's the cake fork stuff from previous times it's it's not so much where you live or how you live it's it's just cold it's just cold it's just really cold.

There's something on my fridge, actually, that Alice sent me in the post. And it literally says, Little Lord Jamie Morton. And then my address. It's just as ethos, isn't it? Little Lord Jamie Morton. Oh, my God, that's such a good... That's what I'm calling him in future. Hideous. I mean, I don't want to go on about the cold, but we haven't even mentioned the noise outside.

I don't know why we pretend it's in that kind of rural in a rural ideal it's like a main road right there it's pissing it down with rain i know so apologies if there is road noise um but there's nothing can be done i'm so glad we have that on record remember how maddy used to get if your upstairs neighbors put their fridge on and there was a light hum he would look at me and roll his eyes like it was me. Our standards have dropped somewhat on the road of this podcast. Somebody dropping a pin four streets away. He'd be like, guys. James, can you sort that out?

Anyway, moving on. Chapter two is upon us. Are we excited? Very. What's it called again? It's called The Flying Doctor. The Flying Doctor, yes. There was an Australian TV series tv series called the flying doctors

which i used to really enjoy kidding me very good there's a plagiarism case here i think because he's lopped off the s we might be all right we're fine yeah so belinda's escaped from the hot air balloon and has ended up god knows where george and bish are still stuck in it very ill very ill deathly poorly disgustingly so um do we think i mean we kind of know don't we that she's going to be fine but it didn't sound in real terms in real life like she could topple out of that and survive yeah yeah i don't think we could gauge quite from what height she was jumping yeah true um well i guess there's only one way to find out and that is to get a reading oh my teeth are chattering i can't tell if i'm excited or cold my god i roll okay belinda blinked six chapter two

the flying doctor blumenthal's timing was near perfect as she rolled onto the scrub and dust like a true spy pro. Okay, so we're outback. Australian outback, I assume, because we're still in the scrub and dust. Oh, yeah. She's not in Europe or Cancun. Yeah, so she's got out of the hot air balloon, so she's safe. She's done a drop and roll by the sounds of it.

Well, you say she's safe, but, I mean, the middle of Australia is very, very sparsely populated. So, I mean, if she's not near a town... Yeah, youralia is very very sparsely populated so i mean if she's not near a town yeah you almost hope there's a flying doctor nearby or something i hadn't even thought of that god what yeah i mean you could hope but i doubt it her eyes darted around the infertile landscape finally getting dizzy she landed on a tin shack where she longed for some cold shards on tap. Well, lower your expectation. Water would be nice.

You're not going to get chardonnay. I'm not picturing it very well. So she's rolling around. She lands on a tin shack. No, no, no. She's landed in the outback. Yeah. And she's looking.

Her eyes are rolling around or darting around. Darting around, yeah. Oh, and they focus on the shack. Got you, sorry. Yeah, it's better if you act it out. Thanks, both. She's getting dizzy. So she's like, but she finally found a shack. Got you, sorry. Yeah, it's better if you act it out. Thanks, both. She's getting dizzy, so she's like...

But she finally found a shack, thank God. Smashing the rusty lock and chain with a gold-bearing oar, she entered. With a gold-bearing oar? A bit of gold-bearing oar. What does that mean? Is oar a rock? You mean O-R-E? Yeah.

Oh, not gold-bearing oar. Shock and oar. Gold-bearing oar. Or something to row the boat with. No, I think it's a rock. Where's she got some gold-bearing oar? and ore. Or something to row the boat with. No, I think it's a rock. Where's she got some gold-bearing ore? So she's got a big lump of gold in her hand. I guess it's in the scrub and dust.

Where has she landed? What is this absolute hotbed? So she entered. How easy is this? Is it a trap? Blumenthal hissed, but she knew spoons would be proud. She gritted her teeth. She vowed personally to avenge his death

no matter the costs. No conviction from Jamie there. Sorry. I'm just thinking there should be an and in there. She gritted her teeth. Oh, there's no punctuation? No. I just read as it comes. She gritted her teeth? She gritted her teeth. She vowed personally to avenge his death no matter the costs.

I think you're both being very unkind. The door groaned squeakily open and the naked Blumenthal... Was she naked? Maybe the fall from the basket tore her clothes off. Right, yeah. She probably had nicks that were chomping through her bum, weren't they? Oh, right. Maybe the scrub and dust tore it off when she rolled in that.

I don't really understand what scrub and dust is, but it sounds... It does all sorts, scrub and dust. It sounds like it could corrode clothing um so the naked blumenthal went inside with a ninja stance of preparedness have a day off belinda paranoid naked as well just ninja stance why Just dance. Why? Hi-ya! The place was empty. No shit, it was padlocked. Save for an old radio transmitter. That's convenient.

The only thing in here. How unlikely. She is one very, very lucky lady. A radio transmitter. Yes. It's repeated in the book, just so you know lady a radio transmitter yes it's repeated in the book just so you know a radio transmitter how many times is it repeated blumenthal smiled today was going to be a good day after all she clicked her imaginary glass of shards with james spooner and drank in one she's lost the plot she has three days in that hot air balloon without any food or water. It's really sent her mad.

She's behaving very unusually, even for Belinda. Somewhere else, the sun... Anywhere else. Moving on. Somewhere else, the sun was blinking off the bluer-than-bog-standard blue sea. In his slimy, shrunken hands... Who can it be? Bish?

Hair Bish! Slimy, shrunken hands! He gets the right doing over in these books. I bet he's not even that old or gross. In his slimy, shrunken hands, Hair Bish was sipping a cocktail with a fish finger garnish. Sorry, what? In the sea?

I can't cope with how quickly he's rushing through events. So in the time it took Belinda to leave the basket and land in scrub and dust, they've reached the sea. And got well. And got a cocktail. With a fish finger garnish. Fish finger garnish? To be fair, a cocktail and a fish finger sandwich right now sounds quite nice.

It sounds like there's a fish finger in the cocktail. He's thinking like aperitivo. Yeah, like, yeah. He's had a cocktail and he's just got a side plate of fish fingers. James, don't tell me you wouldn't love that. I mean, yeah, I would order it 100% if it was available, but... I've been to Italy with you, James. You love that little snack that you get with a drink there.

George Sylvester. Oh, they're all there. George Sylvester was ranting and raving about being betrayed by Blumenthal and Giselle. As Rocky said to himself in this chapter, I'm not going to refer to Belinda by her first name. I'm just going to keep calling her Blumenthal. Oh, has he? Well, he might have said Belinda as well, but I think it started, he called her Blumenthal. A new naming convention.

Oh, you're right. Every single time, it's Blumenthal. Gosh, James, well noted. Thank you. So George Sylvester was ranting and raving about being betrayed by Blumenthal and Giselle. They're unkind, bish. Unkind! They're very mean. And your

goons need a good shaking up. Well, the goons are all dead, I think. There's no goons left. Don't shake the dead goons. I'm the only one qualified in penetrative insurgency who can find the lost blueprints and get your special one back. Oh, Christ.

So, such a fucking yo-yo of back and forth between the companies. So, George is now going to go back into steals. Undercover? Undercover, how? How do you cover that gammy leg? So, wait a sec. He's an expert in penetrative what? Penetrative Insurgency.

Is that a euphemism, or you just literally mean going undercover? I mean, I mean nothing. I have no idea what it means. But dad, I think just means... It's far too late to distance yourself from this now. He's going to have to go in in full prosthetics. Yeah. I just can't wait for him to be wandering around steals.

And everyone's like, morning, Sarah. Or I don't know, however he's disguised. So I'm the only one who can find the lost blueprints and get your special one back. Bish was a hell of a business hare and his standards were higher than Keith Richards up a coconut tree. I am going to need you to explain that to me.

Is that a famous news story? Keith Richards in a coconut tree. Let's have a look. Higher than Keith Richardsards he likes his drugs or did like his drugs didn't he keith richards famously so he's he's high mentally and he's physically high because he's in a coconut tree okay well you could have said higher than keith richards couldn't you really i love that we're googling for a news story about keith richards in a coconut tree he did fall out of a coconut tree oh my god he was holidaying in fiji

and he and ronnie wood decided to explore the same tree the consequences explore the same tree the consequences were spectacular halfway up richards slipped and fell to the ground severely banging his head in the process oh i remember he had an as a young man is this when's this no i think this was quite recent wasn't it it? I remember him having an accident. No, it was 2009. Wasn't it recent in the context of the Rolling Stones? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Because they've been around for hundreds of years. Yeah. He was higher than Keith Richards up a coconut tree. He would never be happy until every citizen in the pots and pans industry were kissing his tight, wrinkly arsehole. That's what he wants. Now, I didn't know that was his end goal. I thought it was something to do with the technology,

but this is a horrific master plan. Who would go near that arsehole? The wolves. As we've discussed. You'd pass out before you even got a metre close. I mean, I'm just putting it out there. I don't think he's going to achieve that dream. That dream.

Dream big. I dream of everyone near my arsehole. The trioxybrillo blueprints were essential for his survival, and he would rather die deaf than lose in life. I love the idea that your life's work is to steal somebody else's work. It's quite relatable, actually. But it's going to cost you, George continued, another million of your so-called euros plus reasonable expenses why does he want euros

he lives in britain i'm surprised he's not said franks or lira to be honest yeah i need the special one alive i suspect she has the toy oxybrill of secrets and I want them he wants them every word began with a V there you were for war vine, vut, remember vut, for butt

yes V-U-T vut vut so he wants Giselle back as well I'll prize them from a vice-type vagina if needs be. George, they're in my hand. George. You've got

three weeks, Georgie. Three weeks. Bish scowled as he pressed the send button on his remote online banking application server. So, he's got three weeks, Georgie.

I didn't know you could do million euro transfers same day. You're not operating in the same world, James. Oh, that's true, that's true. Wait till Jamie has to pay his next heating bill.

Yeah. As George left for his mission, the large-titted private nurse, Gunda... Oh, hello. Gunda's back. ...dressed in a petite white medical attire i imagine very

sexy nurse oh for sure like the total cliche yeah wipe clean gunda crawled around bish she whispered in his good ear he nodded his gaunt head at her in a sharp jolt she was an expert at non-verbal signals so immediately knew he meant yes she's a smart cookie she's a g all that training nod means yes she's an expert in it did you say she's an expert in non-verbal signals so immediately knew he meant yes in front of him she spun on her left stiletto heel, 360 degrees and a third. Just did a turn maybe. No, and a third. Oh, sorry, and a tiny third.

The velocity of the G-force made her hairnet fly off and bundles of red hair fell down her back and shoulders. Oh, gunda. It was shiny and high-end. High-end. Her nurse outfit also fell victim to the forest floor. They're in a forest by the sea? Has time passed? Time has to have passed. Oh, time's definitely passed.

How much time? What, right now? It feels like days. Somewhat of a slog today, isn't it? Yeah. So, her nurse outfit also fell victim to the forest floor, revealing a skin-tight tight leather look bodysuit covered in drawings of various insects okay i in any of my worldly guesses would that have been what i thought she was wearing underneath the nurse's outfit skin tight outfit covered in insects pictures they're drawings yeah so it's, bodysuit, covered in drawings of insects.

I can't even picture that. Like I can't even approximate. I'm imagining maybe, you know, that Britney Spears video. Yeah. That sort of...

A catsuit. Yeah. She's not covered in insects. But then if that catsuit had like drawings of snails on it and stuff. Why?

I love like, if that video was absolutely batshit, then like that. Like wood lice, you know, centipedes. Do you know what I think it's going to be? Oh, come on. Camouflage.

Oh, for the forest. Lie on the forest floor? Yeah. For what? No more questions at this time. I like how you're thinking though. Good. Well, where do you get insects?

The forest floor. Duh. I hate that you just said that in unison. I feel like I'm operating in some different plane. This chap is really weird. It is. Anyway, so she's in a bodysuit covered in drawings of various insects.

Bish smiled the sinful grin of a crook. It's almost like I can taste his breath. Agent XYZ. it's almost like i can taste his breath agent xyz you has finally revealed your true being wow okay so gunda was an agent all along sorry you're saying gunda like we've met before yeah we obviously have yeah because i'm just picking up on your tone but who was she again vicious private nurse slash clearly some sort of secret agent xyz yeah agent xyz why did you say z what do you mean is it written z z well it's written xyz z oh is that american z i think so maybe i would say i would say that okay as would you jamie thank Thank you. Well, clearly not. Of course he learnt a different alphabet, like, probably to a different tune as well. X, Y, Z. Zed.

Zed. X, Y, Zed. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J, K, L, M, P, Q, R, X, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. That definitely wasn't in order. Because it has to rhyme. But we didn't learn Z. But in that rhyme you would have.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J, K, L, M this episode going to be mainly you singing the alphabet? Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. So what do you say? Oh my God, this is going to be such a long episode. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Z, because it rhymes with V. But you didn't learn that at school. Yeah. Oh, so you're now on my side of the joke.

So would you say xyz or xyz so wait so you're spelling out a word you've got you've got a number plate in front of you on a car no no i would say zed as a British person, but in that particular ABC song. Which we all know the ABC from. But he's just said X, Y, Z. I know. But if we're basing it on that song, it is Z in that song. So she's called Agent XY, what would you say?

I would say Zed. Thank you. I rest my case, Your Honour. That was 16 minutes long for that investigation. So hang on, What am I saying? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P Q, R, S, T, U, V, S, W, X, Y, Z Z

So agent XYZ Agent XYZ Both I'll just mix it up So our agent XYZ You have finally arrived You have finally revealed your true being You're here Obey you here Forever here You've finally arrived. You've finally revealed your true being.

You're here. Obey you here. Forever here. Not all there, is she? She's not all there. Is she trying to say sir? Like, yes, sir. Yeah, I think so.

But it's mister, isn't it? So she's saying, yes, mister. Yes, mister. Obey you, mister. Forever mister. Agent XYZ shouted robotically. Sexy. Oh, is she a robot, do we think?

He husked. Well, we'll see if the robot can do sexy. I'm too nervous to even laugh at that because there's a real chance that she is. XYZ tossed her flaming hair down her bum and allowed her big tits to pout pouting like to go together i guess and kind of like oh yeah do you know what i'm getting jessica rabbit vibes certainly from jamie's performance in the room yeah i mean he has he has red hair that tumbles down his back so this sort of plays to his strength at the moment because you're not got your hair clips in before i knew i was um a homosexual man sure yeah uh sorry to come out like that i think that's the first time i've ever heard it on record

yeah i don't know if i've talked about it before congratulations james i really had the hots for jessica rabbit you do like a glamorous woman though still to this day yes there was just something about her her bitchy persona maybe, maybe. She's quite sassy. Yeah, sassy's a good word, yeah. Can you be a homosexual man? You can probably still fancy rabbits. I think there was a lot of cartoons. Alice, you can fancy anything.

I don't think that's in contradiction to your status. We might have talked about it before, but there were a lot of cartoons I fancied, both male and female, when I was younger. But I think you're right. I think I was more attracted with Jessica Rabbit, just her like voluptuous kind of sexy. Her confidence was attractive to you. Confidence, yeah.

Oh yeah, it was her confidence. Lots of people fancy her because of her confidence. So she's being sexy, so... Your hair, I'll bear you hair forever. You have made her... Incredible vibrato. It's quite a skill to make someone wholly unappealing like that. Everyone that Jamie does has an air of being incredibly old. Yeah.

Biz jizzed in his lap. Who? Bish jizzed in his lap you said biz jizz makes more sense jizzed in his lap like in a naughty dream from that regaining his delirium bish spoke the language of hate my exceptional one oh god there's grades of special, exceptional Oh, now that is a twist. Why? So, it's a bit like the woman who ate a spider to catch the fly.

So, he sent George to kill Giselle and Agent XYZ to kill George. But we have to have Giselle first. He doesn't want to pay George, maybe. But he's already transferred the money. Oh, yeah. That'll be clear in two hours. Maybe it's doing it in installments. Right.

So once he has the special traitor... You will kill Georgie Poggie. Agent XYZ sneered a deliciously evil smile that could cut glass and smash mirrors. That's a good old smile, isn't it? And as well. You will capture me, Belinda, the bitch of Blumenthal. I'll have unfinished business with her titties.

He just wants everything. He's so greedy. What do you want? The house of Blumenthal. He's got quite the shopping list hasn't he so capture giselle get the blueprints then kill george get belinda i mean we don't know what happens to agent xyz then he probably sends someone after i mean it's a never ending cycle and what about the goons there's a whole goon spin-off i think it's like minions you know they did a Minions movie. Yes, yeah.

Agent XYZ cackled. This terror-laced lullaby made Bish snooze off in his deck chair. Covered in his own jizz. So he just came and then she laughed and he fell asleep. In the baking heat we imagine with a ruthless gate agent xyz marched out of the lair understanding of her orders perfectly the lair where are we oh fine they're ambitious australian lair oh fine yeah they're ambitious australian forest beach bar lair i'd spend more time there than that gross slosh after many attempts miss blumenthal had managed to get in touch with the local flying doctor right so we're going back and

forth in time here using an over the intercom diagnosis he deduced she was dehydrated and in need of multivitamins you need a barocca i mean doesn't everybody need a multivitamin yeah i've really got into my vitamins with all the kind of stuff that's been going on vitamin d every day lovely i have a multivitamin dissolvable tablet in the morning you strike me as a vitamin girl i'm not actually but that's just me being thrifty it's an expensive business the vitamin business oh it's a racket i don't think i don't think it's worth the paper it's written on that makes you feel endorsement to condemning it in about five seconds um so she was dehydrated and in need of multivitamins but otherwise nothing too serious however protocol stated he'd have to come and execute some internal lookovers not wanting to hurt the flying doctor's

wife miss blumenthal had found a very old and very hole-damaged pair of dungarees. That's a sexy look, to be fair. Oh my god, yeah. Right? But they would do, and she could hold her hand over the left breast area, which had completely rotted away. I was going to say, let me guess where the holes are. The nipples, the vag, the bum. Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com,

you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for what you need. And coverage starts at only $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com and secure your new policy online in a matter of minutes. Zensurance. Mind your business. The sound of a small aeroplane got louder and slower. That was quick.

And the flying doctor... Oh, he's flying. Yeah, he's flying. He's not teleporting. And the flying doctor made a perfect landing in the scrub and dust. From a cloud of small rocks, the dock made his way across

to Miss Blumenthal and simply said... G'day. G'day. The flying doctor looked like he'd be more at home in Mr. O'Gregor's garden than the outback. Who's Mr. O'Gregor? Mr. O'Gregor. Mr. McGregor from Peter Rabbit?

Oh, is that what he means? O'Gregor. O'Gregor. Has he made him Irish? Probably. Is there another famous Gregor? Ewan McGregor? In Ewan McGregor's garden?

He looked like he'd be more at home in Mr. O'Gregor's garden than the outback. He had a nose as long as a crooked carrot and hair like a cauliflower. A nose as long as a carrot? Wow. Just thinking about that, that's sort of like... It's like Pinocchio. Yeah. He had a nose as long as a crooked carrot and hair like a cauliflower.

What a hunk, Belinda thought. Yes, that was it. Swinda thorold she was entranced doesn't take much these two days were the longest she'd gone without a fondle and her fanny was itching for action i don't think they're itching itchy fanny the doc proffered his right hand and they both shook earnestly miss blumenthal's was pumping. She let her left hand slip in her excitement and her tit hung out as if it were a tongue needing a very cold beer. Ugh.

A tit that looks like a tongue. The doc smiled and said, Call me Al. Everyone else does. Belinda blinked. Doc Al was very thorough and within three minutes of his examination, he noticed she was fine. But she was oh so wet, was this new patient of his in the vaginal region.

Indeed, he also clocked her magnificent mammary attributes. Long, sexy leg muscles, beautifully flowing black hair, seductive ass and wonderfully prehensile shaped toes. Prehensile toes and their presence in modern day women was his PhD degree at Money Ash University and he dearly would have liked to continue on to research. Monash University is a real university, isn't it? Oh, is it? What's he called it? Money Ash.

Yeah, Monash University, Melbourne. His degree was in what, sorry? Prehensile toes and their presence in modern day women. It's a very specific degree, isn't it? I guess PhDs are quite specific though, aren't they? You know, you're absolutely right. I guess what I meant to say, what a weird... So that's what he's a doctor in?

Yes. So he's not a doctor doctor?. So he's not a doctor doctor. Right. He's not a medical doctor. He's like Jill Biden. Still a doctor. Still a doctor, by name. Are modern women more...

Well, I'll have to read his thesis, I suppose. Modern women more prone to prehensile toes? When you say prehensile toes... What exactly are we talking about here? Like toes that can pick stuff up. Right. Which mine actually can. Can you? Oh, so you have prehensile toes? When you say prehensile toes... What exactly are we talking about here? Like toes that can pick stuff up. Right. Which mine actually can. Can you?

Oh, so you have prehensile toes. I wouldn't say I could write with them, but I can pick up items with them. We've got a case study here, ladies and gentlemen. Let's see. Get your toes out for the lads. Okay. So give me a pen, for example.

Oh. Oh. They're a little blue because it's so cold in here. There's a pen in the east wing but you should put it on the bench okay let's get paper and see if she could write her name well it's clearly uh more common than we thought um give me a bit paper let's see if i can write okay what you're gonna try and write your name do you want to do it on the floor yeah okay oh oh wow joined up writing that is foul cursive with the toes let me see hold it up oh my god that's better than my handwriting i was gonna say dr al would have

a field day with you wouldn't he i actually didn't know that was gonna go i mean i don't like the image that's on google imagesages for prehensile toes. I like to think mine are a bit nicer than that. If you want to get a scare, honestly, put prehensile toes in second picture. Crikey. So he would have dearly liked to have continued on to research,

but past student loans had called a halt to his academic desires. But to meet a potential specimen such as this, well, he'd have to cultivate her. Oh, he would go wild over there. He'd love you. Can you imagine? Yeah.

Whatever the cost. Use the old cliché if needed. In the name of science. The old cliché. Do you want to sleep with me? In the name of science. Roll over onto your tummy, please. Masturbate with your hand between your legs.

Oh, my God. Sorry, what? Oh, God, in the name of science. In the name of science. Roll over onto your tummy, please. Masturbate with your hand between your legs whilst I... Is there another way? Measure your toes, ma'am.

Blumenthal smiled and said, You can call me Belinda Blumenthal, International Sales Director of Steels, Pots and Pans, Al. Little does she know, she's been... Oh, God, yeah! The title has been swiped away from her. Oh, yeah, no longer relevant. And be careful I don't squirt.

It's been one of those days. Al blinked. It's been a squirty kind of day. Squirty kind of day. He then laughed and thought if anyone as dehydrated as Belinda could squirt, then he'd run for state governor.

What's happening? I also like that it's peppered with a little bit of Australian politics. Thanks for the warning, Belinda. I'll just duck if necessary. Duck? Duck.

As long as she's face down. How's she going to squirt over his head backwards? Yeah. Oh, James. No, come on. Meanwhile, as Blumenthal played with herself, Al put his PhD in toes to good use and took some dimensions. Doc Al stripped off and gently took out belinda's throbbing pussy

took it out what does that mean oh took it out of the dungarees yes let's say that oh so she's got a hand down the dungarees not she's just i'm being incredibly generous but yeah i think that could be it although she did say watch out i might squirt so that doesn't really follow does it but so he gently took gently took out belinda's throbbing pussy with his penis enlarging by the second he penetrated her vulva just managing to rub her clitoris as he entered and sent her into a deep orgasm i like not waiting to be fully erect though it's getting it's getting larger let's go for it now wow prehensile toes wow prehensile toes are really gross wow prehensile toed women were so satisfying this cannot be ethical as part of his research no this can't be necessary as part

of his research his phd's done he can't continue it because of the loans issue. Well, so maybe he's just kind of doing ad hoc case studies when he can. But the thesis says what? He has to sleep with them to work out if modern women with prehensile toes are what? What's the kind of...

Yeah, better in bed, more adventurous. What's the hypothesis? Can write their name in joined-up writing. I wouldn't be surprised if we get quite a lot of emails about that, guys.

He threw her brassiere to the side. I thought all she had on was dungarees. I find myself bubbling with anger at this. It's really, really, even for Rocky, not making a great deal of sense. It's a dragon. So he threw her brassiere to the side and started licking bloom and thaw all over stop calling a bloom that's really bothering me now you've pointed that out she screeched as his full depth hit her and she immediately orgasmed again this was a multiple orgasm situation

oh right and it was lovely just lovely needing to mix up, the doc pulled out of her front bottom and began to enter the back one. It gave a different feel but was still magic. He did what, sorry? He pulled out of the front bottom. Went to the back. And began to enter the back one. Front to back. Doc Al.

I think calling yourself doctor in this context suggests you are a medical doctor. Particularly doc. I think doctor's fine. It's the doc like i say he could well be one but it feels like he is just dining out on that half finished phd so he's not even phd he's not even a phd he's not even a qualified doctor yeah he's just a man called al with a plane who likes feet doc al was giving it his all. So much so that his fluffy hair was getting wetter and wetter and slapping to his rectum red forehead. Rectum red.

I didn't think of it as fluffy when it was cauliflower hair. Sorry. Rectum red as a colour. I can't. That's like a paint colour or something. How red is a rectum? Well, I imagine with rectum red it's more of a pinkish kind of pinkishy red okay because they're not like he's thinking of a baboon isn't he like but it's not they're not

they're not bright red aren't they well no that's baboon's rectum red baboon's rectum red so he's gone from the front to the back and because his head's now rectum red uh belinda got worried so pushed him out of her and spoke doc al prove to me you can lick my ass out better than any soft wipe one thing we know for sure i don't know what's going on in this book but we know that rocky likes rooming he's really embraced it in a way that is just there's no game there's no ambiguity there he's just he he's a breast man. He's a bum man. The thing is... I don't like the implication of, like, the cleaning aspect of it.

The thoroughness as well. Yeah. What's the matter, Jane? What could possibly be the matter, Jamie? I've been... As you know, I've been resisting this as a kind of a realisation for a while. Because I do think that, you know, Spooner was just getting his bum kissed. This is very much... Oh, this... this yeah this is rimming yeah you can't deny this this is this is rimming in your face that is

gazing at a rectum red rectum i wonder if in like normal times he would have you know done some kind of market research right because he knows what the people like like that's gonna it's gonna tantalize that scene isn't it is it you better believe it james you are gonna see some correspondence which says thank you thank you thank you i feel seen i feel seen um so doc i'll prove to me you can lick my ass out better than any soft wipe but he didn't seem too keen so belinda do you mind if i don't i'd rather not i also hate in a sexual scenario prove the following it's quite a you mind if i don't i'd rather not i also hate in a sexual scenario prove the following it's quite a lot of pressure i don't want to be too graphic but like

three days since she's had a shower or what but she hasn't eaten a thing nothing has passed her lips i don't care would you no would you not committal would you i think i you'd want to hose somebody down wouldn wouldn't you? Oh my God. Come on. Sorry, that's not a euphemism. That's saying you'd actually want to hose somebody down. Yeah, literally.

He didn't seem too keen, so Blumenthal took matters into her own brain. For once. For the first time. I think that's our first time. Seeing as she was down under, why not do the same and pleasure the perineum? Of Al. Of the perineum of Al. She flipped the flying doctor PhD over and

dragged her long nails across his lower carriageway with ease. She kept at it, scuttling her claws up and down as if touch typing. He was a stranger to the act and consequently it made him come buckets and buckets.

So she's flipped him. He's a quite large grown man with a cauliflower for a head. She's flipped him over and gone scuttle, scuttle, nails, nails and then...

She's just tickling him with her hand. On his perineum. On his perineum. On his... On his... Well, I got the gooch. Taint.

Taint, perineum, gooch, under undercarriage i'm not saying it's false advertising but if you would say as we're down under i think i should go down under and then you just tickled someone you'd be a bit like hey but if that's what gets the job done well it clearly has why over stretch yourself absolute buckets buckets and buckets two buckets fulls so much for the outback being dry, Blumenthal laughed hysterically. That's not going to irrigate the plants, though, is it? God, water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

Depends what you're into. After he had stopped panting, sweating and ejaculating, Doc Owl suggested they get back to Sydney Town Centre pronto. Town Centre pronto Town Centre Offended Full city

CBD His Airbus flyer was very fast He's got an Airbus? Aren't they like jumbo jets? I thought it was like a little land plane Well it's an Airbus flyer We could have had a flyer on the end Da fuck is an Airbus flyer?

So sorry, they deliver the Guardian in a de Havilland, whatever the fuck that was called, and a flying doctor is in a jumbo jet. So Doc Owl suggested they get back to Sydney Town Centre pronto. His Airbus flyer was very fast

and in two shakes of a cat's ass, they were there. In two shakes of a cat's ass, they were in Sydney Town Centre. They'd landed in an Airbus in Sydney Town Centre. So they really can't be far away. Are you not baffled by the fact they've managed to find a landing strip? I'm baffled by all of it.

So in two shakes of a cat's ass, they were there. He shook her hand once more on the tarmac and left her be. What to do now? She wondered lostly. Get back to London? Blumenthal blinked Don't say it like it's dramatic And that is the end of this chapter

And please let us never speak of it again That is the end of my patience Two questions for you Mainly for James Because Jamie will be oh well i think what he's trying i believe it's a metaphor um we're never going to meet dr all again are we i hope not i really hope not secondly other than letting us know that belinda was alive and horny what was the point of all of that? Okay, well... No, don't you dare.

No, you stay out of it. Don't you bloody dare. Okay, sorry. Keep your mouth shut. Put the heating on and keep your mouth shut. The heating's on. It's lovely now, isn't it? Oh, it has got a bit more toasty.

It is toasty. Can you turn it off, actually? It's too hot. Two things we learned. Okay. Belinda's got back to Sydney, so I'm sure she's slowly on her way back to London. Fucking hell, to hurry up.

Secondly, we now know Bish's plan for the rest of the book, presumably, or for the future. That's what I was going to say before I was, you know, silenced by you two. I think the agent... Were you silent? Were you silent? I was silenced. Everyone do the

hand gesture. Silenced. No, I think that I think Agent XYZ slash Zed is a really monumentous moment in the books. Is monumentous a word? Monumental? Momentous?

It's a combination. Shut up. Okay, I'm now silent. Go on, fuck off. It's a phenomenal combination of the two. It really is monumentous. Son of Rocky, everyone. Well, we're only two chapters in

and the listeners probably have as many questions as I do. Oh, for sure. So if you do want to get in contact with us, I'm really happy to talk about any of the issues that have been raised by this episode. So you can tweet us at dadwroteaporno. Mydadwrotea on Instagram. And you can email us at mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com.

Also worth mentioning that if you've enjoyed this trip around the world, we will be getting on an Airbus flyer ourselves and recommencing the tour in 2022. Yes, all being well, we'll finally get to celebrate

Belinda's 30th birthday. Woohoo! Years later than planned, but never mind. Just go to mydadwroteaporno.com forward slash live to find out all the dates

and to get your tickets and we will see you there, I hope. Very very relatable think how many people have delayed their 30th exactly come party with us yeah so we'll see you next week i don't know about you but i need a drink oh definitely jim you got any fish fingers be honest when was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com,

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