My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - 243 - New Escape Rooms

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

In this quilt episode, Karen and Georgia cover the I-5 Killer and the murder of Carol Thompson.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And welcome. To my favorite murder. That's Georgia Hardstar. That's Karen Kilgarath. That's Karen Kilgarath. This is a podcast. Kilgarath, yeah. Did I get it right?

Yeah. How's everybody doing? Yeah. Fun time. Fun times. Just good time. COVID. Yeah.

Pandemic. What's up? You know, I think just a lot of escapism. I think welcome to your podcast world. You've put your earbuds in, your air buds in. You've put your ear, what do you call it on? Your beats by Dre. Beats by Dre is on your head.

That's right. You've put in your earphones in the same place. You've put in a different sense store, cancer-causing earphones that you're putting. You just put in there. There's some left over ones. Your mom got for free at the bank for opening a checking account that one weekend. Throw them in. You're in.

Plug them in. Or maybe you're in your shower and you have your shower radio. Oh, you lucky. How'd you get so rich, Mrs. Brookstone? Oh, Richie Rich over here. Oh, I guess you can listen to music in the shower. Joy. This feels like the, it's almost like podcasts are the new escape rooms because you can't go

to escape rooms anymore. It's like the world is an escape room. And podcast is one of the, is a puzzle piece. Yes. This is hidden. This particular episode, the keys to it are hidden in a fake book that's up on a shelf way in the corner. That's right. But what book? You don't know. You have to solve this other thing first to figure it out. You have to remember high school geometry to solve this clue to get to that thing. Sorry. I can't. And now I'm mad and offended. That's right. So the one guy in the group who knows everything and everyone else goes, oh yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right. And pretends that they know it too. I don't know. I've actually never been in an escape room before. Thank God. I would love to go into an escape room

and figure out who I know that, well, you already know the answer. And I'm sure the answer in my group of friends is me, but who the dominant psycho is because there are people who get into group situations and they can't not group manage because they had bad things happen in their childhood where nobody was in charge. Right. So they can't let a moment go by where that's not being produced and managed in some way. I'll be that person if no one else is, which I think is, makes me that person. But like, I did get invited to an escape room once with someone that I was like, no, I don't want to be in a room with that person. He's going to take control and it's not going to be fun for anyone else. Like I just fucking knew he's a great guy

to have drinks with or whatever, but like, no, it's the funniest thing when you when the mask comes off in the escape room and you see what people who can or cannot handle. Like it's like, this is no longer just a conceptual theory idea of a room. This is now you and your dad and the old football problem from sophomore year. You're going to solve it in your 30s in front of everybody. I am the person. This is my character in it. In within three minutes, I give up and want to go get drinks and I'm fucking over it and might have a panic attack because I'm locked in a room. Yeah. So I'm so much fun. I'm so much fun. So much fun. Mine is I hang back, people begin to take over and then I get mad at how bad they've taken over. And so now I'm in a bad mood. I'm being

sarcastic and then I take over. Yeah. Okay. As long as you add something, as long as you don't get mad and then don't add something to the as long as you bring some anger to the table. Right. That's right. It's this is the spice of my personality, which is we could all just be standing around in a room laughing and trying to make it work. I'm going to bring in the dysfunctional family Thanksgiving where suddenly people aren't talking to each other. There's there's real drama because why if it's it can't just be an escape room. This should also be a psychological gauntlet. Is it like a game night? Are you like that on game nights too? No, I love game. Game night. I just laugh and try to learn. I try to be cash, but I'm definitely trying to win. Sure. What's

the point of not trying to win? Remember the time we played over zoom? We had a game. We were like trying out games and I drew on my phone with my finger drew a picture of Thanksgiving dinner so accurately it blew everyone's mind. It was unfair. The games we played we kind of was just doing experiment. We played a bunch of games and like you were so good at them. And yeah, the drawings you could make with your finger on your phone. But I've never known that about myself. It was almost like I just wanted so badly to prove myself like I'm good at things and worth your time. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. I was straight up stick figure. You can't even tell it's in like the hair stick stick figure hair, which is the fun of those

types of games. It wasn't fun for me. Pictionary. You don't enjoy. I think it's hilarious when it's like you're under the gun. What's what's going to come out? You know what I mean? I like the game. I just don't like seeing how poor how poorly I perform with them. But it's fine. I understand that with it. I understand. Okay. Why don't you what I'm saying is buckle down and draw Thanksgiving really accurately. Try it. I don't know how that happened. Everyone try to draw. It's harder than you think it is. Try it. Just draw the concept of Thanksgiving. Yes. You have like 35 seconds. Text it to a friend and say, what is this? What is this to you? Yeah. Because somehow all of a sudden my brain and my finger and everything connected and out came the most

perfectly shaped turkey on the plot. I think it even had the little frill feet. You know, they put the little frill shoes on that look like chef's heads. That's how fucking detailed it was. I was into I really just wanted, I don't know. I think that my self-esteem issues, that's how it comes out. That's how I choose to prove myself. Some people go to the gym every day. Somebody, some people do a lot of leg lifts. I save it and I save it and I save it until I have to draw a picture of Thanksgiving. There is a time when Fitz and I were just like doing competition Uno games constantly. Remember when we were on tour and I just started bringing Uno with me. Yeah, you were into it. It was fun. It was. I don't know why we haven't done that. We got to get back into it.

Oh, I do. COVID quarantine. Our lives have been like that. Because you guys have been doing cocaine. Cocaine together. What did you got? What are you watching? What are you reading? What are you eating? Let's see. I did very, very healthy eating yesterday because I over the weekend had a dip of bad eating that made me feel so terrible. I was like, okay, you're too old to do this and there's a pandemic that everyone's health is at risk. So what are you fucking around with? Like stop fucking around. I've been getting better over quarantine, but then there was like three steps back where I just went. It made me feel so terrible that I got my act back together. Me too. Mine was Panda Express and McDonald's. I did those with it. I was McDonald's too.

I was just like, how has it been? It's been almost a year since I've had McDonald's. There's spicy chicken nuggets now. What? And so one night just had to. Had to. Yeah. I wonder if I got my McDonald's idea from you telling me about your McDonald's idea. Probably. Because I remember you telling me that you did it and then it was just kind of like, it happened. I did it. And then it was like the, it was like a, it was like shoots and ladders where it was like a straight downward shift right down just back to square one. Oh God. It felt bad. Yeah. Suddenly you're off the board. You're not even at square one anymore. You're just in the toilet. You kick the board and you made all the pieces go everywhere. No one can find

any pieces. No one wants to play games anymore. That's how it felt. How were you? It was good while it was happening though. I'm good. Let's see. Good for six minutes. Yeah. Yes. I have a movie recommendation. Let's hear it. Okay. There's this movie. Jaws. Is it Jaws? It's not Jaws. Okay. It's TCM, you know, Turner classic movies. Hell yeah. Always have great movies. We're a friend Millie works. Our friend Millie. That's right. Well, they put on and maybe it was her because she puts on the best movies is this documentary called The Queen. It's not about The Queen of England. It's from 1968 and it's a documentary about the experience of the drag queens at organizing and participating in the 1967 Miss All America Camp Beauty contest in New

York City. And it's just a documentary following them from the first meeting to the rehearsals. They do these fucking dance numbers that are incredible. It's them in the hotel rooms all together getting ready and talking about, you know, their sexuality and their, you know, tips for drag cleaning. And it's so fucking good. And then the actual show, the show itself is almost like secondary. I'm pretty sure we spotted what's his name? Andy Warhol in the audience. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. It's just really it's it's captivating. I wonder, oh, that's I wonder if is Dorian Corey featured in that because she is the older drag queen that's in Paris is burning. That's like, and if you want to throw your gold ring and fly real high, you know,

that that one. Yeah. She was around. She was one of the I mean, that she's just like a legendary a legendary queen. Oh, yeah. Wait, yeah. Great. The queen put drag on stage long before RuPaul's drag race and even Paris is burning with appearances from Andy Warhol, Edie Sedgwick, Dorian Corey. Yeah. It's Frank's the movie's by Frank Simon. Yeah, get it, you guys. I'm obsessed. Oh, I can't wait. Wait, so what do you remember? What's the title again? The Queen. Yeah. The Queen. Okay. I have to watch that. Here's my favorite quote from Dorian Corey. I always had hopes of being a big star. But as you get older, you aim a little lower. Everybody wants to make an impression some mark upon the world. Then you think you've made a mark on the world if you just get through

it. And a few people remember your name, then you've left a mark. You don't have to bend the whole world. I think it's better just to enjoy it. Pay your dues and just enjoy it. And if you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you. Okay. Tattoo that on my entire back. Her saying that in Paris is burning is the first time I saw that I got like 17 waves of chills. It's the best philosophically accurate, like hell yeah. That's what it's all about. It's exactly how to live your life. I love that. It really is. It really is. Let's see what you guys, you and you, you're still in the shower. You're really wasting water, but... Oh my god. I guess you're not from California where there has been a drought. Shelly, come on. Get out of the shower.

Get out of the shower. Stop conditioning, packing your hair. Yeah. Shelly. It's all the same as regular condition. Shelly, short for Shelbert. Get out of the shower. Shelly, shaving your body from head to toe. Wrap it up. Okay. So this week we're doing... Oh wait, do you want to talk about MFM network updates? Yeah. Well, the one exciting thing is that if you... So Bananas, the Bananas Boys have started a mini-sode episode of their podcast and it's only on Stitcher Premium. So if you go to Stitcher Premium and sign up with using their code Bananas, you can listen to them for free. Amazing. It's like a taste test for Stitcher Premium. And they're so cool. They're shorties too, where they're just like playing and they're kind of doing like a hometown style,

where they're doing like, what's the weird news that happened in your town, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's such a great idea. Ooh, murder squads doing the KETI murders. Yeah. That's exciting. I know. Those are fucked up. There's a... They wrapped up... On the following, they wrapped up their Sam Little series. So if you didn't catch that the first time around, they did a four-part series about the serial killer, Sam Little, who got caught in Texas, who drew the pictures of all his victims and he remembers them all and there's... Like 90. They think there's like over 90. Almost 100. Yeah. So many and more potentially because it's just all in his head. It's a really interesting story about how

they put the pieces together through DNA and then he just started talking and it's just... That Texas Ranger. Yeah. And sat man-to-man with them and yeah. It's incredible. It's quite a story. Yeah. And then for as far as merch goes, we have the... Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I love this design so much. So a listener by the name of Rack Flann, R-A-C-F-L-A-N on Instagram. Rachel Flannery. That's right. She is so talented. We've been loving her stuff forever and so we are now bringing you her, you're in a cult called your dad design and it's freaking adorable.

So cute. Yeah. So go to the My Favorite Murder store at myfavoritmurder.retail.gov. Right? That's it. That's the name. That's it. That's all you need to know. That's the URL, everybody. Looking for a better cooking routine? With meal planning, shopping, and prepping handled, Hello Fresh has you covered. Hello Fresh makes home cooking easy and affordable so you can stay on track and on budget in the new year. Hello Fresh meals are convenient, seasonal, and delicious. Stay cozy all winter long with classic comfort foods available weekly. While I stop with just dinner, now you can enjoy Hello Fresh's expanded menu of quick lunch solutions, weekend brunch, simple side dishes, and amazing desserts.

Karen January is going to be my month for Hello Fresh. I am so sick of takeout. I miss cooking so much. I haven't lifted a knife or a pan since like early fall. So I can't wait to get back in the kitchen and Hello Fresh makes it so easy and also makes it so that my food tastes good, which is hard to do on my own. It gives you everything, everything you need. So get up to 20 free meals with purchase plus free shipping on your first box at hellofresh.ca slash murder20 with code murder20. That's up to 20 free meals plus free shipping on your first box when you go to hellofresh.ca slash murder20 and use code murder20. Goodbye. Hi. What makes a person a murderer? Are they born to kill or are they made to kill?

I'm Candace DeLong and on my new podcast Killer Psyche Daily, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the criminal masterminds, psychopaths, and cold-blooded killers you hear about in the news. I have decades of experience as a psychiatric nurse, FBI agent, and criminal profiler. On Killer Psyche Daily, I'll give you insight into cases like Ryan Grantham and the newly arrested Stockton Serial Killer. I'll also bring on expert guests to dive deeper into the details, share what it's like to work with a behavioral assessment unit at Quantico, answer some killer trivia, and even host virtual Q&As where I'll answer your burning questions.

Hey, Prime members, listen to the Amazon Music Exclusive Podcast, Killer Psyche Daily, in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today. All right, so should we introduce... This is going to be another quilt show. Yeah. People are loving the quilts. That's right, because I'm fucking taking my first little weekend away. Georgia's getting out of the house with her mask and her mask. That's right. We're going out of town. We're going to sun our buns. It's just

badly needed. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. Let's see. Sorry, Steven, which one of us goes first on this episode? Oh, yeah. I believe it's you, Karen, since last week was Adam Walsh. Oh, right. Right. Good one. So, okay, then in this quilt episode, we go all the way back to, correct me if I'm wrong, the first year of us touring 2017, right?

Yeah. Well, because we started at the end of 2016, but way at the end. And touring touring was different than just... This was the first official tour, I believe. First official tour. So, yeah, it's March 25, 2017. And this was the weekend. We were at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, and the murdering nose and the listeners showed up to win. They came to party. They came to get down. They came to fucking blow the roof off, and they did it.

There was barfing. There was people crawling on the stage. It was legendary. Pandemonium. I wish I could go back there now. God, it was fun. It was. So, this is the episode, the live episode, where I cover the i5 killer, Randy Woodfield, at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, March 25, 2017. Enjoy. Ooh. Who's first?

I think you're first, because you got your page up. Do you want... I mean, actually, Stephen might have shit cute up. Stephen, get on that Janet Jackson mic and tell us who's first this week. I think it's Karen's turn. Great. Wonderful. Listen, I took a fucking allergy pill. I tried to prepare, and you guys are... It's real allergy here. What's happening? Oh, because of your nose?

It's supposed to be like... My nose is dripping on stage. It's so embarrassing. Oh, look, girl. I mean, you know, that's Broadway. That's how it is. It's just... Yeah, it's like, come on. Can I just look? Okay. Anyways, Karen. I know you might want to do. This is what Patty Lepone does. You just shove Kleenex up your nose. I dreamed a dream, baby. All right. Well, my murder for Portland, Oregon is one you may know of. Kind of famous, perhaps. It's the i5 killer.

Yes. I... Yes. You take on the big ones. Yes. That's my forte. That's my jam. I got most of this information from a sports illustrated article. Interestingly enough... That's interesting. A man named L. John Warthime wrote a really awesome article that's online. You can look it up. Don't look it up.

And follow right along with me reading. But this is what I really like. On the website, the Sports Illustrated website, when I went to go read this story, because I'd actually read it a while ago, and I went and found it. And on the website, it says, sports illustrated, sports investigated. Oh, no. Fucking look into it with a sports perspective. Yes. I guess the sporting is the murdering. Like, did they get that?

That that's what they're calling it a sport? They're... I mean, I think what they're saying is you can wear a jersey as you get... Look into true crime if you feel like. Yeah. Dear sports illustrated. I was so offended when you had an audacity to call it a... And she has a black... Oh, no. Is this a blackberry? I think she's a blackberry. She... Yeah. She uses a blackberry. Her name's Patricia. I'm calling her Patricia. Patricia, come on.

Patricia, let him do his thing. You don't have to have an angry opinion all the time. Go ahead. But you can. But it helps. Randy Woodfield was born in Salem, Oregon, to a middle-class family that's here for Salem. Really? Wow. Yeah. This side. And this side. Oh, because of all the witches being...

Oh, yeah. He was popular among his peers and a football star at Newport High School. Go Vikings. Is that true? I don't know. Okay. Let me write if you got that right. I think it could... I could have just pulled that factoid out, but the chances are so slim that I couldn't say that that's what I did.

Don't ask. I don't want to know the truth. And we never will. At least not in this story. Okay. In high school, Randy began to exhibit anti-social sexual behaviors. Not the social kind. The anti-social kind. Not just plain Frenching. That's not what he was about. His first arrest for indecent exposure was hushed up by his football coaches, so he wouldn't be kicked off the team. Priorities, priorities, priorities. You got to have those high school fucking football people over.

You got to move that ball down the field, and you've got to make sure that a boy that pulls his penis out on a bridge and says, everybody look at this, gets moved up in society. Can you imagine if like a math lead coach was like, I can't tell anyone about my creepy fucking math lead star over here. Do you know? We need him. Do you know how many quiz bowls have been lost because of peeping Tom Jerkoff boys? We got it. We got to cover this up. Turn that over. So he graduated, and then he went on to play for Portland State University.

And you guys aren't fans. Now it's because of this. Oh, Randy. That's not what I was expecting. Randy. All right. He looks like Henry, he looks like the fawns. Are people leaving? That's such a weird, that's such a weird, like, all right, we're out of here. We don't like this old yearbook bullshit. Randy Woodfield was a, a, a, a wing right. He was, he was, he was a white robin. Cut on a dime. What's a WR? Good hands. Good hands. Cuts on a dime. Fluid and smooth. Catch as well in a crowd.

What? Uh, he was a good jumper. Randy, you're such a good jumper. It doesn't matter that you jerked off in front of a cheerleading squad. You're a good jumper. Such a good jumper. So now there's a visual element. You're going to have to handle that and incorporate it into what was only an audio experience beforehand. Too much. You're asking too much. So at Portland State University, he was known for his devotion to the campus crusade for Christ and the fellowship of Christian athletes. One of his teammates was quoted as saying, it seemed real important to him that he came across as someone who would do the right thing.

It was almost like it was keeping him together. I don't even bother trying to seem like I would do the right thing. That's the secret. And then I do. It seems like the people who are trying to look like they're doing the right thing are doing the wrong thing a lot. Yeah. If you have to think really hard about what the right thing is and if you should do it, then you've got a fucking issue. If you also, if you need a really old book to help you do the right thing, maybe you need to get some help in doing the right thing. I don't want to start a thing. This isn't, this isn't. Karen, Karen Stern, the fucking shit. Different parade, different parade. I mean, you didn't come here for the Bible talk. Three more arrests in the early 70s for petty crimes,

such as vandalism and public indecency did not prevent Woodfield from being selected. In the 1974 NFL Draft by the Green Bay Packers as a wide receiver in the 17th round, geez. Yeah. He jerked his way off to success. Randy, Randy. He signed a contract in February of 1974 and it stipulated that he keep himself in peak condition. He avoid consorting with gamblers that wear a coat and necktie anytime he was in politics. And that's it. He took it literally. And that was it. And they're like, oh, but when you're wearing the coat and necktie, no pants, fine. Yeah. As long as you have the top part on like porky pig, we're good with you. He looks like a detective. He got into some capers and it's just yeah. Anyway, he was like,

I'm so stressed out from my detective job. I have to show everybody my balls. That's Randy. He was signed almost immediately and that money enabled him to quit his job at the Portland area. Burger chef. No one gives a fuck about burger chef. Randy was on the verge of playing in the NFL, but he was cut during training camp. He stayed in Wisconsin and he played the 1974 season for the semi pro man at all. Chiefs. I think that's how you pronounce it. That's also the same city where they filmed making a murderer. Oh, yeah. Manitowek. So after, so he basically stays in town, plays for a semi pro team, but after a dozen flashing incidents across the state, he fucking got in

his car and took it all around Wisconsin. He's like, I hate hotels when they don't have shampoo and also I show my dick off. Check out my dick. Junk out. I have a pile of junk for all of you to see. Ew, you keep making it. Pile. A pile of junk. Something specifically. It was just piled up. Stop it. Stop it. He would be at an angle so it would pile up. Oh, God. It's fun. It doesn't stay like that. I'm so glad my dad's not at this show. As one Wisconsin law enforcement officer were called years later, Woodfield quote, couldn't keep that thing in his pants. So he left Wisconsin because he basically got fired off of the semi pro team because of all the flashing incidents and he went home to beautiful Portland. Then he would, once he got back here, he would show up

at Portland state on occasion to work out with his old team. What is sadder than that? Oh, he's here again. I guess I need to shower off now. Shall we shower? The coach at the time was quoted as saying, he seemed like a nice kid. He was a good athlete. But one of the other players said, coach, don't get too close to that guy. He's strange. Finally, voice of reason. So now, simultaneously, and maybe coincidentally, at the same time, in early 1975, in Dunaway park in southwest Portland, several women were sexually assaulted at Knife Point. So the Portland PD assigned female police officers to go undercover. What the fuck? It creeps me out so much when they do this. What? Because it's just like, I'm going to get you first,

hopefully. But I always love it because they're like, sure, I'll go dress up like a regular lady and walk around a park at night and then I'll fucking catch you. Legally. I'll fucking shoot you in the knee. They know what to do. So on March 3, 1975, a man wielding a paring knife darted out from behind some bushes, demanding money from an undercover cop. The police converged, arrested the assailant. He identified himself as Randy Woodfield, football star extraordinaire. He pled guilty reduced, he pled guilty were to reduce charges of second degree robbery and sentence. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison. So retired Lieutenant Paul Weatherroy, a long time Portland cold case detective said, there was a conventional wisdom back in the day

that someone who was an exposure or a peeping tom wouldn't elevate to more serious crimes. Based on no evidence whatsoever. Well, let me finish the quote. We've learned that nothing's further from the truth. So in a mere 30 years, they've put it together that actually it's just the beginning of something special. Yeah, that's the exact opposite of that. Yeah. So Woodfield was paroled in July of 1979 after serving four years. And his former PSU teammates threw him a party to celebrate his release. But some thought it's strange when the guest of honor arrived two and a half hours late. I read this, I read that sentence over and over. And I was like, because that's the bad part. That's the that's weird. Yeah. I wasn't mad that he was showing

his jig off, but he's two hours late. He never wears pants. And that's fine. But tardy to the party. I don't think so. I don't think so, Randy. No, no, no, no. In jail for rape and attempted rape. Oh, well, late to the party. Yeah, fuck yourself. Know your manners. Yeah. So at the same time he gets out of jail, he starts cruising around Portland in a Gold 1974 champagne edition Volkswagen Beetle. What is up almost like an homage almost like it's like it's so Ted Bundy, it's beyond Ted Bundy. I feel like Volkswagen needs to issue an apology for the 70s, you know, like we didn't plan it. There's something like, you know, yeah, there's just something about them. They're just they're easy to kill with. So Randy, he was kind of a visionary

in a lot of ways because he of course he had a great amazing football player's body. And he really enjoyed sending naked pictures of himself to women. This was the mid 70s. So he had to do it analog style. He had to do it the hard way and like wait around the photo mat. Are my pictures ready yet? No, sir. He drives back around that little thing. Just keeps driving around it in his gold Ted Bundy mobile. He also submitted pictures to Playgirl magazine and had been waiting to find out if he was going to be chosen as the boy next door. Oh, my God. I mean, sorry to ruin Playgirl for you girls, but Ted Bundy and like a yeah, the one way he's like on the bear rug or whatever. I think that might

be a Photoshop. Oh, that's actually Tom Selleck. You're thinking it's it's actually Bert Reynolds. Yes. Yes. Yes. Two strikes. Okay. That was just like that was just like us through the ages. You just saw like how old I am. All right. So then on October 9, 1980, a woman named Sherry Eyres is raped and murdered in Portland. She's bludgeoned and stabbed repeatedly in the neck. And it turned out that Randy had gotten out of jail just in time to attend his 10th high school reunion in Newport where he had reconnected with Sherry Eyres and they had begun to see each other socially. He was questioned about that murder. But he refused to sit for a polygraph and the homicide detectives found his answers generally evasive and deceptive. But because his blood

type didn't match the semen found in the victim's body, no charges could be filed. A month later on early Thanksgiving morning, Darcy Renee Fix, 22 years old and Douglas Keith Altig, 24 years old were shot to death execution style in Fix's North Portland home. And Fix's 32 caliber revolver was missing from the scene. And while Darcy had once dated one of Randy Woodfield's closest friends, they again could not connect him to the crime. So now starts the I5 bandit killing spree. On December 9th, 1980, a man wearing a fake beard held up a gas station in Vancouver, Washington, just across, as you know, from the Columbia River, from Portland. Karen, getting those. That paper mill. Oh, how does it smell?

Maybe that's why I'm like, my nose is bleeding, basically. Because of the paper mill? Yeah. It's just fucking fiberglass at my nostrils. I know someone that used to work there and he said that's the smell of money. Local jokes get local work. All right. Four nights later in Eugene, a man wearing a fake beard and athletic tape on his nose raided an ice cream parlor. The next night, a drive-in restaurant nearby Albany was robbed by a bearded man. A week after that in Seattle, a gunman matching the same description pinned down a 25-year-old waitress inside a restroom and forced her to masturbate him, which is the worst sentence of all time. Just a bummer. Four weeks later, on the evening of January 18th, 1981 in Kaiser, Sherry Hull was leaving a Trans

America office building after her cleaning shift. A man who, a man managed to get into the building, grabbed her and walked her at gunpoint back inside. On their way down the hallway, he spots the other cleaner, 20-year-old Lisa Garcia. He grabs both women, brings them into a back room, orders them to lay on the floor. After he rapes both of them, he shoots both of them twice in the back of the head. Sherry Hull dies, but Lisa Garcia survives. Yes. Isn't that fucking nuts? Yeah. She fucking execution style gets shot in the back of the head, stands up and is like, I'm calling the fucking cops. Oh my God. Yeah. Very cool. So, on February 3rd, 1981,

Randy Woodfield called his sister in Shasta County and asked to have coffee with her, but she said that her husband didn't want him around. Because you're a fucking creep and we know it. Yeah. The family's like, we're not into you. Soon after, Randy Woodfield forced his way into the Mountain Gate home of Donna Eckerd and her 14-year-old daughter, Janelle. They were found dead, each shot twice in the back of the head. Lab tests would reveal later that the girl had been sodomized. Their home was just off the I-5. And then earlier that same day, an 18-year-old waitress was kidnapped and raped after a holdup 15 miles south in Redding. And then next day, a similar crime was reported 100 miles up the I-5 in Waiareka, California. And then 10 days later,

Randy Woodfield organized a Valentine's Day party for himself at the Marriott Hotel in downtown Portland. What does that consist of? You guys don't fucking like that place. Picture it. Picture the decorations. A grown man throwing a Valentine's Day party for himself. Oh my god. Himself. I barely even like Valentine's Day as a couple. I mean, no one likes it. No. He throws a party for himself on Valentine's Day. And here's the worst part or maybe the best part. No one goes. No one goes. Oh, man. This is why you don't have birthday parties. Or kill people. Birthday parties. Birthday parties are hard enough. You can't pick a random holiday and be like, you know what? This Easter is about me. It doesn't work that way. Especially one that's

like everyone is like, well, I want to be with the person that I like bone. Yeah, Randy, I don't want to spend this day with you, Randy. I don't love you. I've never loved you. I played football with you. Yeah. My wife's like, who the fuck is this guy? I don't want to be at his Marriott fucking Valentine's Day party. It's fucking psychotic. Because it's not like let's all meet at a bar and have ball Valentine's Day about me. It's like I've rented the grand ballroom and I've hung streamers. Please come. Will you be my so after that night and the humiliation, he Randy Woodfield turns up on the doorstep of Julie writes his home in Beaverton at 2am and around. Yay. No, yay for Beaverton. You're right. Don't be embarrassed. Oh, I know it's hard. It's hard

sometimes. Now we have to go back into the horrible story around 4am. Julie was shot. Sorry. No, that's the base of the podcast. Now we have to go back with this. That's what it's called. That's the working title. Around 4am. Julie is shot twice in the back of the head after being raped. Her body is found at 8 30am by her mother. So police find the Julie knew her attacker because they had had a glass of wine. Oh, and they were planning on having coffee. There was instant coffee sitting on the counter and the water had boiled all the way down in the kettle. And investigators soon find out that Julie knew Randy Woodfield because he worked as a bouncer at the Fawcett Tavern in Raleigh Hills and he'd many times overlooked that she had a fake

ID and let her end of life anyway because Julie was 14 years old. So I'm glad we all clap for Beaverton. Really good plan, you guys. Can you fucking imagine like someone knocks in the door and you look and it's like the bouncer at the fucking bar you sneak into and you're just like, I don't really want to open the door. Hi Randy. So I'm nice to everyone. I can't be rude. Yeah. He well, he's done you all these favors. Yeah. Like I guess I can't just like, Hi, Randy. I heard about your Valentine's Day. I'm sorry to go. I was washing my hair. I'm so sorry. All right. So Marion County detectives interview Randy after after this murder because his name keeps coming up and all of these murders. He's somehow somehow acted somehow connected. So

they search his home his room actually where he's staying. He's renting a room in a house. And he finds they only find gun cleaning materials. But when his landlady shows up, she shows them a lengthy phone bill with a trail of calls from San Francisco to Bethel Washington. I don't know if that's how it's awful. I said like brothel Washington, which is just a few miles south. Like awful, which is how we pronounce every city in every state that we visit. So that's when they realize when they see all these calls going and all these cities straight up and down the five, they're like, we have a serial killer on our hands.

Then they look up pay phone calling logs. And they connect he was using remember calling cards, everybody. Remember, hey, hey, oldies. Remember when we used to use calling cards? You have 20 minutes left on this car. You're like, oh my God, this is like money. Don't lose it. But I need to talk to my boyfriend. I'm gonna miss you, baby. You miss me? So he used calling cards within a few miles of every of the city of every murder. And that phone record was the final piece of evidence that they used to arrest Randy Woodfield. And Detective Dave Bishop says, all of a sudden became obvious. It was a map of I five. Randy

Woodfield was addicted to the phone and he made thousands of calls. But when he called women, some of them turned him down and that made him mad. And within minutes, he would find a victim. Some he knew and some he did not. So at the trial, fucking Lisa Garcia was the key witness. She tells the jury about the night in the trans America office building. She said that the man that they see in the courtroom was the same one who raped and shot her and raped and murdered her co-worker. It took the jury three and a half hours to reach its verdict of guilty. So on June, oh yeah. Some of you are like, I don't know. Is it weird that I feel like I could change it? I could get him off that phone.

On June 26, 1981, Randy Woodfield was convicted on all counts. There was no death penalty option in Oregon. So he was sentenced to a prison term of life plus 90 years at the Oregon state penitentiary. That December, 35 more years were added to his sentence when a jury in Benton County, Oregon, convicted him of sodomy and weapons charges tied to another attack in a restaurant bathroom. Randy Woodfield has always maintained his innocence. This 2006 quote from Randy's MySpace page. Oh my god. Wow. That was a lot of information at once. He's still alive. He has a MySpace page. What if I just started reading a third eye blind lyrics?

I don't think you're allowed to smoke in Oregon prisons, but you can have a fucking MySpace page? People need to express themselves on a black background with green writing. Yeah. I mean, I want to know who your top eight are. Is it your cellmate? Because he's going to be pissed if it's not. You better bump him up there. He's like, I love phones and myself and parties. This 2006 quote from Randy's MySpace page is the closest he's ever come to taking ownership of his past. Quote, I spend the remainder of my days in prison because I have committed a murder along with many other crimes. I once tried out for the Green Bay Packers. The only reason I didn't make it is because the skills I had to offer they didn't need at the time. I'm loved, deeply loved,

so loved I could fill a Marriott ballroom with how many people who love me. In 2012, Woodfield was definitively linked to five more murders, three in the Portland area, and two in California's Shasta County. That's your I-5 killer, everybody. And we're back in it. And we're back in 2020. Back in 2020. I wish we could have warned ourselves during that show just now to watch the fuck out for 2020. You know what I would have done, Georgia, is after our show, I remember us all going to a bar together because you had friends in town, I had friends in town. We all went to a bar. We had a great time. We met people. We chatted. We got to bunker down. I would have whispered in my ear, traveled back in time, whispered in my ear, go to a different bar.

Go to other places. Oh. Yeah, all night long. Just go do stuff. Get away from these people. Go to a different bar right now. Go to a different... These people are dragging you down. If you go to a different bar right now, COVID might not happen. That's what you meant. You could change time. Step on a different butterfly. No, no, no. I just meant go enjoy yourself. I keep watching things. There was some video on Twitter the other day of people at a concert and something funny happened. But I was just like, concerts. And you know me. I can take them or leave them and usually leave them. And now I'm like, please. Concerts. I know. Concerts. So sad. I miss putting an outfit together. God damn. You know? Yeah, I do because I've been wearing the same black shirt

for two years now. Me too. I never thought I'd get sick of house dresses, but look at me now. Fucking sick of house dresses. Okay. Okay. For my episode, we're going to go all the way over to Minneapolis, Minnesota. Always a great time. We have live shows there. We were at the University of Minnesota at the Northrop Auditorium on October 18th, 2017. And I cover the murder of Carol Thompson, AKA the story that inspired Fargo. So enjoy. So who do we... It's you. Okay. Okay. Stephen emailed and told us. He did? Yeah. Well, I didn't look. Yeah. Well, great. I'm glad one of us pays attention. Stephen. Stephen. Okay. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the murder of Carol Thompson. Real quick, for the newbies, we are not cheering for the murder of Carol Thompson.

That's not what's happening right now. No. It's important to us that you understand. We are not a pro-murder podcast. Quite the opposite, in fact. Yeah. Quite the opposite. Yeah. And there's a reason I didn't say this is the story of her husband. I said it's of the Vic. Okay. Anyways, you got it. You got it. Okay. Okay. In 1963, Karen, Carol Suoboda Thompson. She's a 34-year-old housewife, mother of four young children ages six to 13. And she's the only child of a respected St. Paul plumbing contractor, and they have a lot of money. And she's married for 15 years to an up-and-coming attorney named T. Eugene Thompson. He's 35. He's born in Blue Earth, Minnesota, which sounds rural because one person quietly wooed. That was the mayor.

Whoop. Coming down to represent Blue Earth. The mayor and the one person who lives there. All right. So Carol is kind of the prototypical 60s, 50s, 60s housewife. She's this lovely woman. She's really active in her Presbyterian church. She's active in the scouts for her kids and does all of those sorts of things. She plays bridge with her friends, that adorable kind of thing. They get together for coffee parties, which they'll probably pour a little in there, you know? I would. I mean, coffee parties sound like a blast and everything, but you got it going. Yeah, let's get the party part in there. Let's do it. She did all the normal things early 1960s housewives did. So when she was brutally

murdered at the Highland Park family home on the morning of March 6, 1963, the city was fucking shocked because this kind of thing didn't happen. And this family was well known in the neighborhood or in the town because of the attorney husband and this lovely woman. So that's March 6, 1963. Her killer surprised her in her bedroom. She was home alone. Killer surprised her in her bedroom and struck her over the head with a piece of rubber hose. And then when she passed out, he attempted to drown her to make it look like she accidentally drowned. That fucking Carol is a badass motherfucker because that didn't work. So she came to and she like fought him off and started to run through the house. Then he tries to, he tries to shoot her. The gun misfires.

Then he beats her up with the butt of a Luger pistol and stabs her in the neck with a kitchen knife, but she still fucking survives. Jesus Christ. I know. He goes, he thinks she's dead. He goes to wash his hands and like clean up and she fucking runs to her next door neighbor with a fucking knife in her neck. Whoa. With a knife in her neck? Sorry. With a knife in her neck. We should all be so badass. That's amazing. I know. So she staggers to the neighbor's house. The neighbor answers the door finds Carol who's unrecognizable because of the blood. She's barefoot. She says, I've got a knife in my throat. A man did it. He came to the door and this is the most 1960 saying I've ever heard. Won't you please help me?

I know. Also just that poor neighbor. I mean like she's having her own private coffee party inside. Chilling, minding her business, 60s housewife style. Vacuuming for the fourth time that day. Just getting those pills taken. Hoovering. They called it hoovering. They called it hoovering. Making everything nice and neat. And then there's a knock at the door. Oh God. Horrible. Don't ever answer that. Well, that's not true. Never mind. She, Carol's rushed to anchor, anchor hospital and the surgeons took a, took the blade from her throat, worked on her, but she died three hours later. I don't know. Poor baby. And then the people were panicking. Her husband when he finds out is bawling. People were panicking and there's no arrest made for several weeks. So people were

like, and it's one of those things in the city where it's like we didn't think this happened in our city to these kinds of people as everyone, this ever happens to, says. Yeah. In LA we're like, yeah, this happens. Happens all the time. To all of us. Constantly. Constantly. Everywhere you look. Yeah. We're like, why didn't it happen today? What's wrong? We're all the bad people in one spot. Yeah. So then the evidence that's left up at the scene is pieces of the, the pistols grip, which had broken off during the attack. And those are traced. Oh, wait, you want to see pictures? So this is, I have a photo of the family. There we go. Oh, I know. She looks almost exactly like June Cleaver. That's like, it's so typical. And then we have a photo of her and her husband,

Tia Jean Thompson at their wedding. I know. It's just above you guys out real quick. That's what they're here for. Hey, me too. So the evidence of the pistol grip that's broken off left at the scene. It leads investigators, that gun part to an April to an ex convict from Michigan. You guys love that place. Yeah. Why are you holding up his, his name is Dick W. C. Anderson. He's a troubled Korean war combat that he confesses to the murder that he did it, but he said he was hired by former Twin Cities prize fighter underworld figure named Norman J. Mastrian. When Norman's question, the guy who hired this dude, he reveals that he had been hired by Carol's husband, Tia Jean Thompson to murder Carol for three grand.

Well, it was, it was the late sixties. So that would be a 10 grand today. They're not wedding over that. I don't think. Yeah. And this is really nice paper, by the way. I just want to thank you. Can we have a moment of positivity? This is absolutely gorgeous paper. I really high quality items. You guys, I realized as I was saying that, when in any appropriate time it was to say that I support it, but that's this podcast. Yeah. I mean, pretty much ADD sent trial. Okay. $3,000. So Swanson says that Mr. Thompson carefully mastermind the hit, including getting. Okay. So he fuck it on Valentine's Day is what they have this really cute, yappy little doxin. And he's like, we're getting rid of the dog and fucking takes the

dog and like gives it away on Valentine's Day. Just randomly just to get rid of the dog. So the dude could break. Oh, I know. Wow. And the morning of he takes the telephone out of the bedroom. Yeah. Warning signs, everybody. Keep your eyes peeled. Yeah. Definitely. I know. Oh, sorry. We just have to get this phone fixed. We just, I just have to bring the phone in to get it's not broken, honey. Oh, here we go. Yep. Okay. So also Norman Mastering, he's a local convict. He'd been involved in the murder of an underworld type years earlier. And the person who represented him is T Eugene Thompson, the husband who is an attorney. Oh, so there's a connection. Maybe like a dirty defense attorney. Exactly. Got it. Or you know, has connections

to these types of people. So according to a bunch of underworld sources, which I love that just like the Minneapolis underworld, I would love to study it. You know, that word is just so like, oh, yeah, we all know. Yeah. Yeah. Black market snow. The underworld. You know, you know, you know. So according to a bunch of them who are like, yeah, three or four of us had to turn mastery and down. So there's a bunch of other people like, yeah, he asked us to kill the wife and we were all like, fuck no. And but this one dude, Dick Anderson walked around one bar, like, not a good plan. No. Okay. So T Eugene Thompson is arrested on June 21st and indicted on charge of first degree murder. And this fucking trial is like the OJ Simpson trial of the time, which I know is

everyone says about everything. But it really applies here. Really, like to prove it, they were like, there were even newspapers in Oslo talking about it. Or it's like, whoa. So like, you get the scope. Yeah, you they made it to fucking Norway. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So there's a six week trial covered by reporters from across the country. And they were doing the thing where they're like, so and so is wearing this today. And this person's wearing that today. Oh, we have arrest photos of them. Okay, that's that's the guy who killed them. Don't ooh, I'm sorry. And that's Eugene Thompson, who totally looks like someone I dated. Really? Yeah. Well, what did that guy do? He just he thought he was a mod. He drove like a mini Cooper from the he had flown

over from the fucking UK. Oh, really? So dumb. Pip hip. He all yeah, you all underworld people have a cleft chin, because that first guy did. I think that's why I made that noise. Oh, now I feel bad. All good. Okay, you thought he you were hoping he was just uninvolved. He was like, he was on a TV show at the time and you just wanted to set the scene. Yeah. This is the most famous nice guy in the world. He's the sweetest. Everyone in Minneapolis loved him anyway. And he's a murderer. Okay, so the story about the trial was running on UPI's national wire. The only reason it got bumped and interrupted was because a certain day on November 22, 1963, President JFK had been shot. Yes, the only reason it got kicked and bombed it was going to be in

Life magazine and everything. But then they were like, they're a problem. Yeah. Okay, so then at the trial, it turns out it comes out that Eugene Thompson was a notorious womanizer. And sorry, the second guy? Yeah. I swear to God, that question says it all men have it good. Yeah, let's just say it that let's just say it that way. Yeah, you can be a bald, a little bald, bland fuck and be a womanizer. Sorry. Sorry. I that's very sexist against man and I'm sorry. We want this to be an welcoming environment. She can't even say it with a straight face. Okay. You want to try that again? Back to what we want this to be a welcoming environment for everybody. We know so many good ones out there. You know, like all that like women have welcoming

environments, we want it to be. Let's get feminist. Surprise is also a feminist bug. Then they're like, then like everyone storms out because okay, all right, enough Georgia. Okay. Total womanizer and he had been taking out life insurance policies. Man, dude. They, it's funny that they haven't implemented something at insurance companies where if a husband is taking out large item life insurance policies on his wife, maybe somebody goes by and just knocks on the door, just checks in. Let's her know. Hey, what are you up to? And what does she, is she aware? And does everybody on the same page with this multimillion dollar life insurance policy? I think it's a great idea. All right. I'm going to call Geico tomorrow. And he took out like a

million dollar life insurance policy pretty quickly, pretty recently in the past. But he had been taking out for 15 years, bits and pieces of life insurance. So he was like, so like he had policies all over the place. Yeah. Well, he was an attorney. So he probably knew how the shit worked. Policies in every area code got 99 policies. So then someone said he had a long running girlfriend. He had several girlfriends that had a long winning one in particular who was eager to marry, you know, those two fucking things, the life insurance policy and the girlfriend. And he went on, he like some, for some reason went on the stand and everyone hated him. Shocker. Yeah. Okay. He didn't womanize his way to the top of the courtroom.

It's those guys that think they're so charming that they can win anyone over and they can also think that they can kill their wife and get away with it. They're like, no, no, no, I got this. Let me get on the stand. I'll convince everyone because I'm always the doctor husbands on date line who are just like, I assure you, Ed, and you're just like, you look like a lizard. You are the scariest. Your eyes are dead and you have a forked tongue. Shut up. Just like not having the forethought that everyone thinks you're guilty, you know, knowing that. All right. We're really on one tonight. Man, we're pissed. 12 hours of deliberation. And jury decided that Thompson was guilty and he was sentenced to life in prison. Yeah.

No way though. Life doesn't mean life anymore. You guys know that or back then ever. Okay. The two dudes Anderson and Mastrian are indicted in 1963, first three murder charges, each sentenced to life in prison after being convicted. Okay. So now the oldest child, Jeffrey, who was 13 at the time of his mother's murder, he became a lawyer. And this guy like, he likes to give interviews and he's fucking cool. Like his mommy's a badass and is just really open about what happened because so horrified by it, obviously. So he became a prosecutor, prosecuted several first degree murder cases and occasionally cites points of law from his father's trial. Well, he'll be like, well, it just so happens that

Thompson relation in this, you know, at this time, amazing. I know. In 1989, he was appointed district court judge in Winona. Okay. All right. Got a couple more than from Blue Mountain or whatever the fuck. Blue soil. Then. Okay. Here we go. 1983 serving 19 years. T. Jim Thompson is released on parole. He maintained that he had been framed. And so after his release, his children, including Jeffrey, who's a lawyer was like, come over, we're going to sit down. We're going to hold a little trial of our own. And we need you to convince us that you're not guilty because that's what you're saying. And they laid out all the evidence for him. And they were like, like, you're a lawyer too. Tell us why we're wrong. And the only thing he could come up with was

like some weird blood sample report about the blood that was in the house, which is like, you weren't even in the, no one even said you were in the house anyways. That's all he could come up with. And at the end, Jeffrey Thompson is like, you're guilty. It's amazing. He did it. That's another sign of that kind of crazy narcissism where he's like, Oh, yeah, that's easy. I'll convince those guys. Right. And the kids are like, they want him to tell them. It's not like they're like, we're never going to talk to you again. It's like, we can't have a relationship with you. You're fucking lying to us when you know it. Yeah. It's not understand. Here we go. So Jeffrey and his three younger sisters. Let's see. Okay, wait, sorry. So T Eugene Thompson died August 7 2017

on his 88th birthday, not the son, the dad. And on and Jeffrey put on his on his tombstone, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Amen. That's kind of an ironic thing to put on a headstone you have to admit. Well, there's no future. Right. I didn't think that may have been sarcasm on his part. He sounds it sounds like badassery run in the family. Yeah. So that's it. That's just the murder of Carol Thompson. That was great. Thank you. Thank you. Great job on that. Thank you. I remember you doing all your research the day of and it turned out great. It turned out really good. That must have been one of those ones where I had another one that I was totally going to do and then the afternoon of when you're like, fuck, I have to pick something

else. I can't do this one for whatever reason. There are lots of doubts and for as fun and great as all those live shows turned out. Yeah. There was lots of worry and doubts beforehand. Definitely. Even the stories that did really, really well, you're still like, what if they're mad at me for this one? What if everyone in Minnesota knows that this is the story you don't talk about and you just don't know it? Or you know what I mean? Or like, this is the one thing that everyone will make everyone hate you. Which is essentially just what we all call an anxiety and it pops up and tells you here's the worst case scenario. And then we as people who love our own brains don't say, oh, that's that idea that I get in my head every time I attempt vulnerability. Instead, we go,

I have to change the story. I have to change it right now. That's right. It's not just my thinking. I know for a fact this is going to be the one that breaks us. That's right. The silence of the audience and I will then dive into the audience and cry. It worked out good. Yeah. We have a hometown now in this quilt episode. The hometown is from November 28th, 2019. So it's much more recent than these two, which are both from three years ago. It was Alex came up at the end of the show that we did at the London Apollo and told us her hometown. It was really quite a story. It's quite fun. Enjoy. Yeah, you guys know the rules. You can't be so drunk that your story doesn't have a beginning, a middle and an end and being the crucial part always. And please be local

and give up whoever's waving that up there because there's no fucking way we're waiting for you to come down here. Sorry. Okay, who has a hometown? Oh, God. Do you want to do it? No. Yeah, I'll pick her. Who's her? Her? Waving hands. Okay. Or maybe him. I don't know my glasses on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to Vince. I really hate that. It was so easy last night because after this speech, one person raised their hand. Oh, yeah. Can we get the audience lights down so she doesn't have an attack? Thank you. It's very scary. It's very scary to see all of you. It really is. I'm sorry I interrupted you because I was so scared about the lights. I don't care. What were you saying? I don't remember. Just that only one person raised their hand yesterday. Yeah, it was easy.

Hi. Alex. Nice to meet you. It's Alex, everyone. You are. It's terrifying. We're gonna do great. It's Alex, everybody. Say hi. Where are you from? Fasenstoke, which is about an hour away from here. Wow. Are a lot of people from there? I didn't think so. Apparently so. Or they just love it. Is it awesome? No. Okay, what do you want to tell your story? Yeah, so it's the murder of a gentleman named Tristan Lovelock. It's probably like the only really famous murder in Fasenstoke. That's good, though. That's good. Yeah. And my relation to it is that these guys are the same age as my mum. My mum grew up with them. So, yeah. God, this is scary. I know. You feel great. Nice. Nice move. So, basically, a gentleman is out in South Ham, which is in Fasenstoke,

a bit of a rough area of Fasenstoke. And his dog is alerting him to something in the bushes. So, he goes over and he finds the decapitated head of Tristan Lovelock. He's 67 years old. So, I don't know how he didn't die from a heart attack. I don't know. You mean the guy walking in the dark? Yeah. Not the head. Sorry. Sorry. So, they track numerous body parts around South Ham and track it to a particular house. And there's only one tenant, and his name is Richard Markham. Who gives a shit? So, they track it to his house, and basically, it comes about that they were out drinking, probably more than drinking, probably drugs as well. Out with friends. She says it under her breath into a microphone. Sorry. That's my favourite. And they go back to his

house, and they get into an altercation about a woman. And he claims it was self-defense, but he basically picks up a hammer and just starts smashing him in the head with the hammer. He claims Tristan, who was the guy that was murdered, pulled a World War II bayonet on him, and so he felt like he had to defend himself with a hammer. Yeah. So, obviously, after that, he dismembered him with a hacksaw, spread his body parts around South Ham, and then proceeds, this is what makes me think they're on drugs, then proceeds to put his arm in the oven and bake it? Yeah. I'm not joking. No, I know. So, after this... Wait, why does he do that? Drugs. Oh, got it. I don't know. I want a reason. Tristan's arm, not his own arm.

I'm not very good at telling stories. No, you're great. It's definitely me. Though I'm with you, I'm here. Last show, everybody. Last show. We can do this. We can do it. So sorry. Go ahead. So, after he's done all this, he then flees and goes to the airport. He's like, give me a ticket to anywhere. I don't care where. Like a song. It's like a glee moment in the airport. And they give him a ticket to JFK. So, he goes to New York, uses his own name, his own cards, books a hotel, goes out, does tourist things in New York. He's right in Times Square. Obviously, back in Basin Stoke, the police are going mad trying to find this guy. And when they finally find him, he's sat in Central Perk, reading a newspaper article about himself. Oh, my God.

And then he proceeds to lift up his t-shirt, and he has a Made in England tattoo around his navel. Bristol. Yeah. And yeah, he gets sent into life in prison. And that's the end. Amazing. So good. Alex. Alex, everybody. She killed it. So good. Great job. Wow. Great job, London. You fucking did it. Wow. Way to go, Alex. Alex, thank you for bringing all that onto the stage. We appreciate it. It's a scary thing to come up on that stage, but you did it. She really did it. Yeah, she really did. Thanks for listening to this quilt episode. What? That's not what this is. We're stitching together the quilt

episode. We're stitching words together and quilts together. And yeah, thanks. Thank you. Good job, you guys. Hopefully everything where you are is acceptable to okay. Let's not hope for more. Yeah. Let's just keep the expectations nice and low. Oh, yeah. 2020, keep the expectations nice and low. Keep your expectations low and your arms locked in a chain, a human chain, and you will get through this together. That's right. Yeah. Oh, also stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?