My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - MFM “Maxisode” 166

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

In this extra long minisode, Karen and Georgia process the quarantine then read a new batch of hometown murders.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is exactly right. We at Wondery live, breathe, and downright obsess over true crime. And now we're launching the ultimate true crime fan experience, Exhibit C. Join now by following Wondery, Exhibit C, on Facebook and listen to true crime on Wondery and Amazon Music. Exhibit C, it's truly criminal. Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, Maxiso, the global pandemic version, the last transmission before it all.

Oh, fuck. It's true. It's kind of. Guys, it's scary out there. Hey, we're terrified. Are you terrified? Hey, your feelings are correct. How are you managing your anxiety, everyone?

Karen, why don't you go first? Let's see. Well, the whole thing of singing and washing your hands at the same time has brought me great solace. It's like, can I say the quip toothbrush? That's like, this is not an ad. That's like, here's how long you're supposed to brush your teeth for. Yes.

And then you're like, holy shit, I don't brush my teeth long enough. I usually do a very light water-only rinse when I'm like, I know what I did with my hands just now. Okay, now we know. That's from when this is over, we're going to watch Katerina wash her hands. But it's different now. I realize the in-depth scratching of the tops of the backs of the hands. I mean, the whole, it's like we're all surgeons.

You know what? This is a chance. Let's look at this. This is our chance to cosplay being surgeons. Finally. Buy some scrubs. Get them at your local CVS or Dwayne Reed, wherever you live. Get and dress up like a surgeon, pretend you're a surgeon.

As you can see from looking at me right now, I can't stop touching my face for fuck's sake. George has had both hands all over her face this whole time. It's like, it's my thing. I do it. I just like lean on my finger at all times. Yes, you, that's true. But I don't lean on this, I don't lean on lean on my palm or any of my fingers. Like I've never done that because I have had acne before, so now I just do it on my

like knuckle. You kind of do it like you're in a cartoon part panel. Yeah. You know what I mean? It looks like that lady reporter isn't sure. So she's like, hmm, one finger to the right in my dimple. Right. That's why I have dimples is I've just leaned on my finger.

Yeah, you pushed that skin in. I realized that I do a lot of full covering my mouth with both hands. No, no. In a kind of like worry or concern way. No, you know what it is? Is I used to hate my teeth way. Yes. Oh, that's very true.

Right. I'm very used to touching and covering my mouth. Yeah. Not anymore. Not with those beautiful teeth. Hello, everybody. Vince has been doing the panic shops. He did the last one today.

Nice. But not overboard. We're not trying to buy all the toilet paper. Like leave some for the. Leave some for others. Leave some for people with IBS. You know what I mean? Because, because it won't help you.

I mean, aside from that, you get two months for the toilet paper fine. Yeah. And after that, you don't, don't, don't let things kick in that don't apply. No, tampons. That's another one. I don't understand why people aren't fucking stocking up on. Yeah. That's what I did.

I bought all kinds of like big, huge maxi pads that made me feel great. I went to the, to do a shop like that because having just moved, I didn't have any sundries at my house. And Danielle, who runs our network, she and I, we're talking and she was going, you know, you just have like beans and rice and you can make a this. You can make your own bread. Right. She's talking about all these things.

And in my mind, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know these things. I can't even tell her nothing in a can. Like there was no meal out of a can I could have. So I did a, I went at six a.m. went down to Ralph's, just did a shop, like went down every aisle and was like, what do I actually like? Don't just buy. Yeah.

Cause I was going to grab like a. I'm like, I don't like that. Oops. I shouldn't name the exacts. Bleep the bar name. Yeah. But like get things you actually want. Spaghetti.

Don't be crazy. But at the same time, it was just really funny. And then right when I was done and it really was by the end, I was having a hard time pushing the car. How much did you spend? 400 bucks. But I had to get, I had to stock up on dog food. Yeah.

Yeah. Like cans and cans of dog food and big bags. And you'll use it in the future. Yeah. It just like should be there. Yes. But and then just things, you know, protein bars and things that actually cost more than regular.

Right. If I could cook, it would have been half that amount. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that's ready to go right now. Yeah. But when I came around the corner to get rung up, there's my friend, Carrie Kemper, that's I wrote on baskets with. Oh my God.

It was doing the exact same thing. And she, it was so out of context that she looked at me with this look on her face and I go, uh-oh, what's this lady doing? I was immediately like, what's she doing? And then we both started laughing. We were laughing so hard. We're like, what the fuck is going on? We're both doing this.

We're both doing it in front of each other. We caught each other. And it felt so good because it was like, it's not an overreaction. You can do what you want to feel prepared and safe. Do the basics. It's totally okay. Feel safe. And if you need to take a shot at Jack Daniels at 3 p.m., God bless your soul.

Thank you. Thank you. What time is it right now? Fuck. Whatever you need. Like everybody is scared and you get to do what you need to have a touch of oblivion. Can I tell you, we're in WrestleMania Watch 2020 of what? This fucking, they haven't canceled that shit yet.

And I'm like, when Vince is going to divorce me, if I tell him he can't go to Florida in early April to go to like wrestle, it's his crime con. It's like his fucking thing. His big deal. And there's no fucking way in hell I'm going to let him go to that. I mean, this is your marriage Waterloo. What's going to happen in this great battle between the two stances? We'll see.

I mean, yeah, but that's the other thing is we don't know, we don't know times, we don't, that's part of the scary part, but it's also you can flip it and think about it as this could also be over in two months or have died down in a meaningful way where it's not, you know, it's not as scary as it feels right now when it's all a question mark. But then I, you know, it's scary for people who have, who can't take sick time, who get paid hourly. Yes. I mean, I just, it's, it's horrible.

You know, it's like, do we have, I don't understand, it's, there's a lot going on here. There's a lot. It's really scary. Well, you know, a lot of people have been, people have been very cool on Twitter. People are doing a lot of proactive. Here's what would help. Yeah. If you have extra money and you can donate to food banks because food banks are where

people, where kids who normally only eat at school, which is what a lot of people have been talking about it as a real concern. 100%. My sister is a kindergarten teacher. I remember when I used to think we had co-teachers because we had a group first through third. It was that Montessori school. We thought our two teachers, cause they were a man and a woman, we thought they were married and lived at school.

We're just like, oh yeah. This is like. When you'd see your teacher in the wild and you're just like, what in the absolute fuck is happening? I have been with my sister when little kids run into her like at the mall and it is hilarious. They don't understand. So cute. It's the cutest.

So yeah. I think there's like, obviously people are being forced into places they've never had to go before. Right. But we all know, we're, we all know how to take care of each other. We're, it's a chance. It's a chance. Make sure you're still.

Supporting. Yeah. And if you go out and you do go to restaurants that are still open, please tip your wait staff 30 to 40, like 100, please. We did that yesterday. We did that yesterday. Tip them 100%. I felt so guilty.

It was so hard. You know, Vincent and I went to therapy, which was hard enough and then to like leave the house and then we wanted to go get a drink. But I was like, I feel so awful if we go. And it's like the reason they're not closing the restaurant is because they're still not patients and not clients. What's the word I'm looking for? I think both though.

Really? Yes. The needy are still there. That's right. We went and I was just like, I wanted to apologize to everyone working there, but you know, we still ate and drank and did really well. But if you're a healthy individual that hasn't traveled recently and you know, as far as you know, you are not carrying anything.

And that's the real problem is that that's the scariest part is we don't know how, how we're anybody's transmitting. But if you and all good faith is you have the money, that's actually helping a local business. Their doors are open. It's up to them to close those doors and you know, just make it worth everybody's while and be the kind of people that you want in a business when everyone's panicking as opposed to where's my french fries I told you to do it this way.

I feel like maybe it'd be good too for people who have the money for like, if they're not having your like, say your house cleaned every month, you're not having it done this month. Maybe keep paying. Yes. Well, if you can. If you can, you have the means or if you, you know, like if you, I go to private Pilates classes, which is a huge, I'm so lucky that I'm able to do it. Maybe I keep paying for those classes.

Let's hope it's only a month and I can do it. Yeah. Someone on basically off that exact idea, someone on Twitter said, if you can buy gift cards to local businesses and you can always use them later when you do feel comfortable going out and everything's fine and you can be supporting people right now if you love this certain place that's nearby, just go get a gift certificate and then they have money for the meantime when everything is a question mark. I know.

And I think also, I think I'm going to try to bring back phone calls. I think this is going to be my goal. I talked to my dad and my sister, well, that's the other story. I was rolling calls from four AM, but I just called my friend Carrie because he just had a great live show for his podcast, Sexy Unique podcast. And it's him, it's Laura Marie Schoenholz. She started the podcast, but Carrie does live shows with her, Carrie O'Donnell, and they just had one at the rock scene.

It was amazing. And so I was like, yeah, I can text this to him, but he won't understand. So I just called him and he picked up, he's like, hey, what's going on? And I was like, how are you? You know, just sitting there watching. What were you watching in Colombo? Yeah. Oh, so I basically just called to say so he could hear it in my voice of like that live

show was amazing. You guys did such a great job. And he was like, oh my God, thank you. We had a great conversation where I was like, oh, it's so much better to hear that voice to voice. I'm going to do it. I mean, I think it just perks people up a little bit and it grounds you because it's about...

Connection. It's about connection and staying in the moment because we all are worried about the future and then you do future thinking and you're in a different place that you can't do anything about. Definitely. So stay in the moment and stay in the realness of this okay moment. Can I also say your therapist will do phone appointments for the time being? Mine already switched over.

Totally. Don't skip your therapy appointments. True. It's so important. Yeah. Because you need connection with people that know how to help you feel good, especially if you are in any kind of a danger zone. Definitely.

Yeah. Speaking of podcasts, I just finished the season of this podcast that I found. Fuck. I like almost cried at the end. It's so good. And that's a big deal for Georgia whereas for me it's not a big deal at all. And I say almost because most people would have cried but I don't have the facilities. You do.

You'll get there. I might one day. We're pulling you out. That's going to be the big finale. Is that like cry at the very end of the book? The day you cry we end this podcast. It's over. It's over.

Shit. So I'll stay on my medication. The podcast itself is called Uncover and it's by CBC Canadian Broadcasting. And they do Missing and Murdered about the indigenous women who go Missing and Murdered. So it's called Uncover. But so season six of Uncover is the Satanic Panic. And specifically the town in Canada called Martinsville where the classic Satanic Panic of children getting molested by Satanic cults which of course isn't true and was this hysteria

and hype. And they do such a good job of explaining what happened all over North America really. So I highly recommend season six of Uncover. And all of the other seasons too because I feel like they've done a bunch of amazing seasons. Like their reporting and their journalism is so top notch. Well Uncover also has, they also do like the J, hold on a second. I think they did that serial killer that was like running rampant in the gay, Toronto's

gay and neighborhood for so long. Which was amazing. I mean all of their coverages just really well done. Yeah. I highly recommend it. But I mean if you are curious about what we're talking about when we talk about Satanic Panic this is the perfect explanation and it's infuriating. Don't you think it's weird that it happened in Canada in Martinsville and in California

it was the McMartin family? That's weird. Marty! Marty what are you doing? Stop it. Marty, wait can I just tell a sidebar Marty anecdote? Oh dear. I don't think we've talked about this but in case you're new Marty's my dad.

Marty's George's dad. Marty's very active on social media like his daughter. He cares a lot about social media. He's really in it. But there was a picture that someone, there was a gif someone tweeted from Shmoo's amazing Karen Kogair gif's account where she makes gifs and then everyone's gonna have to text her and be like can you take that one down? It's really horrifying.

I can't deal with it. But there was one from Talk Show The Game show and Marty responded to the gif going red's your color girl. He thinks he's talking to me. And someone took a picture of it and sent it to me. Was that you Stephen or someone on Twitter? It was so hilarious. It was such a dad move.

You know what happened? So you know how I said that my fucking right a couple weeks ago was that he was like embrace the pan, embrace the schedule, your busy schedule as you would a blessing. So I went to post on Instagram stories the screen grab of that conversation and put it up before I realized that the response that he put after that his next, his next, what's it called? Text. I'm gonna do some more brand muffins, which is the daddest thing.

I didn't even realize that I had put that up. Also make sure you renew your insurance. Yeah. You're having a BM every day. Adjust that thermostat. Okay, dad. Thank you. And then okay.

We're just rambling. I was on the phone with him the other day. I fucking love. I hope you know we're not making fun of you, dad. I swear. No, we celebrate it. It's you're doing your dad job really well. I had pointed out some like way to get into my, I'm totally paranoid of someone breaking

into my house. Just, you know, that's how I am as we all are. Right. And that's why we're here. I think I'm a little extra, but sure. But I pointed it out to my dad, who's also a little extra. And then he has something on the phone the other day, you know, I was thinking if you want me to come over and, and try to break into your house and we can see the entry points

that we need to worry about. And I just see him like MacGyvering my fucking wind and I was like, yeah, I kind of want that. And he was like, what are you, Georgia, what are you fucking hardstarks? I like the picture that he's wearing kind of like a black and white striped shirt, like a pink, pink panther robber and a little mask just over his eyes rolling in his own cigarettes for some reason. That's incredible.

Yeah. I, oh, so if we were just going to touch on dad areas, because who fucking gives a shit at this point? Let's touch dad areas. Let's touch dad areas. What? What is this podcast? I think the episode is going to be something different from now on, everybody.

I think the whole show is going to be different for a little while. We're going to make some adjustments to the world we live in. Yeah. And tell you random stupid dad stories. So in the middle of the night, last night, I woke up on the couch watching Colombo. Wait, did we talk about Colombo yet? We mentioned Colombo. And it's just, it's, it's the best.

Just highly recommend. Oh, one last thing. And also the structure of it as a procedural is hilarious because you watch the murder at the beginning, you see exactly who did it. And then the rest of the show is just you waiting for Colombo to like lasso these people. Bumbling. Act like he's bumbling fool with one glass eye. Yes.

With his one glass eye and his kind of, he's very innocent the whole time. And then it's all about hubris. It's about hubris and the pride coming before the fall. And you love it. And it's satisfying every time. Right. If he's asking to borrow someone because he forgot his pen after he pats down his coat, it's because he's going to use it as evidence later.

You touch it, your fingerprint is on it. And also there are actors that are humongous. Like, well, anyway, to me, I'm sure that the 20s won't know that you 20s people, but, and I mean people from the roaring 20s. Sorry. You won't get this Robert, but like the one I was, I fell asleep to was starred Roddy McDowell as the murderer and he's the best, most perfect murder, him and Colombo going head to head.

Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch watching that, of course. Because that's what it's built to do. We watch it after we watch like pay-per-view wrestling shows. Yeah. It's just. The pace, they, they'll, you will watch someone walk around their house running, like, like doing things. It's dead air for three minutes.

And the, but the set design and not in the fucking costumes and are worth it enough. Because it's the early 70s. Yeah. It's a time, it's like being an archeologist where you're digging down to the early 70s before there was branding of anything, before there were primary colors, this, everything was green, moss green and brown. And these houses they shoot in and the art on the walls. And the actors themselves were like, you're, you would never these days with those teeth

be a fucking star. No, no. Colombo in your glass eye. I love it. Everyone is over 60. Yeah. Everyone, except for like Suzanne Plachette was the hot youngster at age 42. I mean, like I was watching this just going, this is, this is unbelievable.

I fall asleep watching it. I wake up, there's a searchlight coming through my front window. Oh, shit. My first thought is I'm in trouble for watching Colombo until I fall asleep. Like someone was mad. I was asleep on the couch, which is basically my childhood. It's my sister because my sister gets grossed out because I fall asleep on the couch all the time.

She's like, ew, stop it. Go to bed. She hates it. Old trauma. Yes. Always. Unmet needs from the past. So I look out the front window, firetrucks lining my street, the house three doors down

is fully ablaze. Oh my God. Like fully ablaze? Fully. I have, I'll show you pictures. What the fuck? Insane. Like I can see the flames above my neighbor's house because it's kind of going uphill, whatever.

It was a fully engulfed, there were 10 firetrucks on my street, there was an ambulance parked in my driveway. You're like, get out of my driveway. They commandeered my fucking driveway, which is very exciting. And all the neighbors stood at four in the morning in the pouring rain and watched this house burn down. It burned down? I mean, it was gutted.

I finally had to go back in because I turned to my neighbor who, who's the most wonderful woman in my actual immediate neighbor. You're the only person in the world who knows their neighbor. Well, she, right? Cause it's so not LA, but she came over on day two and was like, I made you granola. She is the loveliest lady. And we, as I walked up the street going, is this really happening? Cause it's like such a.

Yeah. It's surreal. Everything was happening. Yeah. And it's like a left turn of other bad things happening. Like we have pouring rain and we have the fucking global pandemic. Yes. That's it.

That's, I thought that was fine. I drove, I drove over Laurel Canyon yesterday and I was like, why did I do this? There's going to be a mudslide on this cause the way it was raining and everything. And I'm like, put it for convenience. I basically took my life in my hands. So I thought I knew what the bad things were and all of a sudden it's like this person's house burned down. No one.

Do you know why? No. Guys, clean your dryer lint. Yeah. So once we've said that, since the captain Jim Kilgarov's warning, always clean that every, every. The lint trap. The lint trap every cycle.

Clean it out. Clean it out every time. But anyway, it was just a very grounding immediate. We don't know what's going to happen in three months. You could spend your time freaking out about that, but there's also plenty of things to freak out about in the right now. And so if your house isn't burning down, if all your shit is in line and you're okay, let's appreciate that right now because that's a real thing.

We need to stay grateful and not just like, I know this thing's going to happen and I'm going to be upset right this second. And if you're in that, uh, that lovely world, then know that there are other people who need your help. So let's find out who they are and maybe we can, I don't know. And sometimes it's just, you might have friends that are more anxious than you who do need a little more community and a little more connection to go, yeah, we're all scared. It's right.

You're right to be scared. You're not freaking out. This isn't, you're not overreacting. This is a very strange and scary situation. You're okay. I just think of the single mothers who like can't take off work. They can't take off work to stay home with their kids who don't have school. Oh, it's just, yeah, this is going to make a lot of latchkey kids.

I feel like. Yes, that's true. But I think it's also going to make a lot, like build community because I think it's what people like and want anyway. Well, there's two ways, you know, there's two ways these global pandemics can go and we, I read all the post-apocalyptic books about it. It's like it can go really fucking chaotic and bad and fucking riot gear and insanity or we can help each other or it could be both and just make sure you're one of the people

helping. Yeah. Instead of one of the right people wearing riot gear. Yeah, exactly. Try to leave your riot gear at home if you can. And also just know that there are people like things set up where, you know, people are talking about the kids that won't eat if they don't eat at school, which is real. I was definitely one of them.

Yeah. There's ways people are adapting and there's, I think it makes people feel better to be able to help. So know that that is a resource for you if you're feeling really bad, that you can go and just basically start looking into food banks, looking into places that are actively helping people and join them. Especially if you're a healthy person. Yes.

And do your friends who have immune compromise systems a favor and wash your fucking hands. Right. And don't take planes. Don't go anywhere right now. Go anywhere right now. Just don't. It's not. Yes.

Flights are cheap because you should not be traveling. Yeah. And this is a, this is a message to Vince Averill. We'll watch it at home. We'll get a bunch of snacks. We'll drink some beer and we'll watch WrestleMania as a family. What's this? Oh, you're being, there's a man at the door.

You're being served at the horse paper simply for saying that on this. Sorry. Sorry. A listener named Marcy sent me a text saying, I think she basically said, she thinks we should know that the local Cincinnati murdering group is offering up childcare, extra toilet paper, part-time jobs, and more to support each other during COVID-19. And then she wrote, I'm fine. I'm fine.

And it's, oh, do we get you? Is this the last episode? George is crying. George is crying. I feel weird. It tickles a little. Is that, I feel crying. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then there's going to be a feeling kind of in your sternum. And I'm like, I'm going to punch right now, so get away from me. How dare you? How dare you? There's tightness in your either throat or maybe in your belly. It feels like allergies, but emotional allergies.

Yeah. It's, your eyes feel angry. And then there's water. Got it. They fill with water. Don't get scared. They're not drowning. That water is going to come out and you'll be, you'll be better for it.

Look at, she posted, it's the guy from the office crying. I mean, Steve, I know it's Steve Carrell. Mike. Mike? But that's beautiful. Yes. Cincinnati. Cincinnati and let's.

Leadership in Cincinnati. Let's figure out a way to, to, to help, help everybody help each other. Yeah. The Murderinos will do groups all around the world. We'll support it. Support each other. Talk to each other. Communicate.

And that, I mean, it's really beautiful. I was thinking like, how do we figure out ways to do this? And it's like, oh, we have like a built in group. And it's a group, the kind of people who already do it. Right. That's the cool thing is. They're just, they're just pivoting to what needs to be done right now. Yeah.

They're pivoting off of. You guys are. I don't know where we're seeing you. Yeah. We're, we're absolutely folding ourselves in where we don't belong, but they're pivoting off of, uh, let's, let's talk about don't fuck with cats and they're, they're pivoting right over to who needs childcare and it is gorgeous. Beautiful.

Beautiful. That's what it's all about. We support it. Should we do some hometowns? We might as well. I think what we're going to do, we're going to put up live episodes that we have some left. I think we can also, three of us, me and Karen, Stephen have decided that we'll just keep

coming in and recording as long as we're all feeling good. Yeah. And then it seems like a safe, smart thing to do. Yeah. So the, the, you know, we might not do a murder every episode, every regular episode. She's trying to get out of it. We might not do any homework this whole time. We might think of it as, you know, it's just fun.

More of a vacation. It's kind of a vacation. No. I mean, I have one ready for this week. I do too. Okay. If it gets worse, then we'll just come in and talk and tell you guys what shows we're watching and how murdering is are helping and what podcasts we're listening to.

And where to get your CBs so that you can, so you can communicate. Black Market Xanax. Yes. All of it. We'll start a black market. That's right. That'd be kind of great. Yeah.

We'll trade drugs. We'll trade stories. Yeah. You know, we should, you know what we should also do is ask people to write in if they have beautiful stories of humanity during this time, Karen, like the Italian people singing, which I retweeted on Twitter, which really got me. So people are going on their balconies and their high rise buildings. And yeah, I mean, it's, it looks, it looks like a scene from a movie about Italy.

Yeah. And then it's just, you can hear one man is singing and then everyone in the neighborhood starts singing and we got her again. Nope. That's two in one. That was just a face that I know I'm supposed to make. That's good acting. You know what I mean?

You're so, so bad. This is a face I see you people making when you do it. I didn't realize I just put it together. Oh, shit. No, you're not. Okay. You're fine. You're not.

You want to go first? Sure. So we, yeah, we can also read those instead of doing homework. It'll be great. We can do all kinds of shit. Yeah. My favorite murder GMO or in my favorite murder.com. If the grid goes down, just send it through the U.S. Postal Service that'll probably be

shut down too. That's right. Well, let's see though, because they have to really stick in till the, till the bitter end. Yeah. Male people are hearty. Yeah. So, in fact, to the point where we can't actually post anything on, like on the internet,

then we'll just start sending you handwritten letters. Right? Yeah. Dear. Dear. Dear Mackenzie. Mackenzie with an I.E. Great to hear from you.

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And we're the hosts of Wondery's podcast Even The Rich, where we bring you absolutely true and absolutely shocking stories about the most famous families and biggest celebrities the world has ever seen. Our newest series is all about the incomparable diva, Whitney Houston. Whitney's voice defined a generation, and even after her death, her talent remains unmatched. But her incredible success hit a deeply private pain. In our series, Whitney Houston, Destiny of a Diva, we'll tell you how she hid her true self to make everyone around her happy, and how the pressure to be all things to all people

led her down a dark path. Follow Even The Rich wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Okay, this is a great one. And I remember it. Murder in the courtroom. Hi, guys. I come from a small town in Northern-ish, California.

It's called Sonora, and it is not Sonoma for anyone listening. I know it. I know it because my mother has had relatives there. And we went there for a wedding one time. It is so eastern, slightly northern eastern California remote. Love it. It's so crazy. I'm so excited.

But it's beautiful. I loved it. It's like a hilly, it's like on a mountain. It's really cool. Anyway. This town doesn't have a ton going on with a population of 10,000, though my mom was a nurse and my dad a prison lieutenant, so I got plenty of exciting stories as a child, making me the fucked up human I am today.

Yay, welcome. Hello, sister. I'm assuming. Yeah, the name's Victoria. I'm assuming. My hometown murder is one I think about all the time. So let's get into it. In 1988, a woman named Ellie Nestler sent her young son to a Christian camp where he was

allegedly molested by the camp counselor, Daniel Mark Driver. He was arrested and went on trial on April 2nd, 1992. Ellie walked into the Tuolumne, pronounced Tuolumne. Oh, I did it. Nice. County courthouse with a gun and shot him several times in the face and neck killing him. Wait, who shot him?

The mother of the boy that was molested walked into the courtroom. I completely remember this because I was a senior in high school and murdered the man on trial before he was found guilty. Uh-huh. Obviously, the story was sensational and even spurred the making of a film titled Judgment Day, the Ellie Nestler story, starring Christine Lottie, Christine Lottie, a legendary actress of many like ABC Monday night at the movies. Colombo caliber.

She would have been too young for Colombo unless she was playing like a, you know, a cautious kid. Yeah, it's a young tennis phenom that witnessed something through a window and we would watch her practice tennis for four full minutes before we went on to actually any excursion. She'd come up to Colombo dabbing her forehead. Hey, Mr. Why are you wearing a raincoat? It's sunny outside. Well, little girl.

Oh my God. We could, this also could turn into a Colombo reenactment podcast. That's true. Why not? Why not? We introduced the children and we remind the adults, okay. She ended up going on trial and pled not guilty by reason of insanity. She was eventually convicted of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to 10 years in

prison. She was then released after three years when a judge overturned her conviction based on juror misconduct. Sadly she did end up back in prison on drug charges and was housed at a prison my dad actually worked at for a time. She was released in 2002 and passed on in 2008. To think of what must have been going through her mind that she would bring a gun to a courtroom and kill a man.

It's in between badass and just plain a bad idea. I don't think it's in between. I think it's like there's a tiny dollop of badass, but mostly no, no. That's straight up vigilanteism and it's not okay. We can't do it that way. Even though how do you not as a mother? You're a psychotic. You are psychotic at that point.

It's horrifying. So, if you ever wonder why you have to walk through a metal detector when you go pay that parking ticket, she may be part of the reason why. Thanks for everything. I'm currently in a binge to catch up on episodes I've missed out on and love laughing out loud. Went on walks with my dog. I assume everyone in the park just thinks I'm nuts. Stay sexy and don't shoot.

Victoria. Wow. I don't, I don't know that one. Yeah. It was, yeah, because basically there, it was like caught, you know, I don't, it wasn't, I'm of course my, yeah, my creative mind is now telling you, but I'm actually can combining it with other, other stories. I know that for a fact.

But I mean, it was all in the news and there was just so many people that were like, because child molesters. What's the same thing as a satanic panic? Yeah. Yes. You know? That's right. Where you get, once you get the idea that someone has harmed someone's child, everything

goes out the window because- Well, people still believe in this town that there were people who worship Satan killing children. It's crazy. It is crazy. Well, and the irony, and it's the thing I talk about all the time, this happened to this little boy at a Christian camp where you, I think the belief probably was like nothing can happen.

It's all- So safe. It's, you know, it's that the places where pedophiles hide to, because people have blind faith. Right. And it's awful. Yeah. And it's, it's part of the kind of waking up of America.

Totally. When that thing happened, it was just like, oh my God. It was actually right when the Satanic Panic like trials were going on too. Yeah. It's hard to keep bringing it up. Yeah. No. It's very relevant.

It's relevant. Okay. This is a Paltone Town story. Hello, friends and pets. Let's get into it. When I was a freshman in high school, I was in the choir when we heard the news that a fellow student's body had been found on the side of the road. Now I grew up in a very small town in South Carolina where things like this were unheard

of. The community was so shaken by the sudden inexplicable news. My choir teacher, God bless her and all performing arts teachers, because they're goddamn saints, let us spend the rest of the day in her classroom to process the news. I did not know the victim, Aisha Rucker. Well, because I was a freshman and she was a senior, but I was so confused and hurt by hearing this. Naturally, the town held a candlelight vigil the week of the funeral to honor Aisha.

Students and community members gathered at a local park where people sang, told stories, etc. Everyone, all caps, out of nowhere, a friend of Aisha's fucking yells, quote, her mom killed her because she was pregnant. Many had noted that her mother wasn't at the vigil, but we all chopped it up to grief. Now we all speculate that it was guilt instead. Months later, we found out the tire marks on Aisha's body matched her mother's car. Soon after this discovery, her mother died of congestive heart failure.

Some still believe it was suicide, a cocktail of prescriptions were in her system, or guilt, or both. We never gained closure, but we can all assume what happened. This incident sparked my passion for true crime and showed me that sometimes the ones meant to protect us can hurt us. Sorry, this one is hella heavy and I have no funny quips to make it lighthearted. Thank you for always keeping me entertained and telling these stories in hilariously relatable ways.

SSTGM, Miquel. Yeah, there's no need for quips when in a story where a mother kills her daughter because she's pregnant. That's the worst of the worst. Allegedly, because we really don't even know, you know, it's like just because the tires match doesn't mean. But there's more than one set of those tires on the road, you know. Right, that doesn't mean anything.

Yeah. Oh, God, that's horrifying. Awful. Also, just that if you had put that in a movie, it would be like, no, that's really don't, that's not very realistic of like in at a vigil, someone just yelling. Her friend who's like probably frustrated and pissed off or something. And so heartbroken. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. Horrifying. Awful. Jesus. This starts, hi, murder friends. All right. Hi. Let's just jump right into it.

I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico, which of course has a well-known history of murder and meth usage. Growing up there, you find you kind of just learn to accept that weird shit is going to happen. This is like the opposite of no one ever expected in this town, Albuquerque, New Mexico. Everyone expected it. Everyone expected it. That's why they shot Breaking Bad here.

So while I was in college, I had a job working in the local ER as a sort of glorified secretary. My job was to go into a patient's room with the provider and take notes while the patient was being evaluated. I got to be a fly on the wall during some pretty wild encounters, but my favorite was the time I unknowingly hung out with a murderer for an entire 10-hour shift. It was a typical day, really. A typical day in Albuquerque. It was a typical day in Albuquerque, there was skeletons falling from the sky.

You know, and really good case-o. We saw patient after patient and I started to zone out. And then we went into a man's room and the first thing I noticed was his black eye. Not that it was unusual, but it was something I remembered later. He was there with a certificate of evaluation to be seen by one of our mental health liaisons at the request of his mother. My provider interviewed him and he seemed pretty sound. He was answering questions normally and said his mother was just paranoid.

He was evaluated by mental health later and determined that he wasn't a harm to himself or others and was approved for discharge once my provider was able to get a hold of his mother. We called several times with no answer, so the guy just ended up camping out in the ER for my whole shift. He was quiet and kept to himself, really. I got up to check on him and get him water a few times and he was very polite. Then I left my shift, not thinking much about it, right?

The next day I turned on the news and the first thing I saw was that black eye plastered across my screen. The man had been picked up by police from the ER and taken in for questioning. Turns out he had, this is all gaps, choked and beaten his mother to death and stuffed her body into a cardboard box. Her body had been left in their home the entire time. He had just been hanging out in the ER, acting like nothing was wrong. Working in the ER was definitely an eye-opening experience and the reason I decided to never,

ever, work in the medical field again. Oh my God, wow. Anyway, stay sexy and always check your cardboard boxes. Here's the link in case you really want to paint the picture. No. You did a great job. Yeah. I mean, that was a good job.

There's no name signed to that, but that, I mean, unbelievable and also, they kept saying the provider, which makes me think it was the insurance people that were deciding whether or not this person needed to be in the hospital, which is the reason privatized healthcare is bad because they don't want to spend the money and they won't be putting people in. And it turns out. It's not human decision anymore. It's big business. Yeah, it's big business.

And that was a person that should have been, maybe even just for 48 hours held just to see what was going on. Let's scream it from the rooftops. It's not socialism. All right. Anyway. Anyhow, everybody. Okay, I'm not going to read you the title.

Okay. So, I finally thought of something that happened while I was in college in Boston. I guess it took a long time to remember because there were so many other daily traumas to get through during those years. So true. So, I was on the crew team, those boats with eight rowers and a tiny coxswain, then she brought out how to pronounce it, coxswain. Coxswain.

I said it wrong. Coxswain. It's spelled coxswain. It is spelled coxswain. It is coxswain. Yeah. My freshman year and we had a daily practice at 5.30 a.m. the whole year, staying on the water until Thanksgiving break when it was arguably too cold to be wearing spandex shorts

and getting splashed for two hours in 33-degree weather. So true. It was a spring or fall of 2002, 2003. Honestly, I can't remember, but it was cold and dark. And a professor who had gone missing months before was found in the river at night. Oh, no. Walking to practice the next morning was somber as my teammates and I were all thinking about it.

Obviously, the loss, but also that we row on that river every day. We were deep in our workout and up and down the river that morning. It was choppy and we were getting especially drenched from backsplash in your face, eyes, mouth, lap, et cetera. So we didn't notice any commotion near our boat house until we were heading in. The men's team and head coach were clustered on the dock and there were flashing lights on the street above. The men's team had, quote, bumped into another body, a man, in the water that morning, making

it two bodies in two days pulled from the river right by the university. Holy shit. I would think that normally one can disassociate the water from the bodies in cases like this, but the fact that we were covered in dead body water that morning and then it was in my mouth and probably rode right past him has stuck with me to this day. I feel bad for the guys in the boat that found him, even though they were largely assholes. I still flinch when I get splashed when rowing, even on the cleanest of waterways. I go this again to share.

I noticed two pages of links to crew, teams, finding bodies. Oh shit. They're always the crew teams. Stay sexy and don't traumatize rowers. They've got enough shit to deal with, Jen. But I don't know what happened. I don't know if they were like smiley face killer. If the two went into the water together and they just were discovered separately, like

what happened? Anything could have happened. Someone look it up. You know what's funny? That makes me think of one of my favorite SNL sketches ever and I can't remember. I want to say it was Tom Hanks. God bless his soul. God bless his soul.

By the time this goes up on Monday, things could be different. Really? It's Friday right now. It's Friday right now. As far as we know, Rita and Tom Hanks were tested. Rita Wilson, Tom Hanks tested positive for COVID-19. They're being treated in Australia. They're very rich.

They will probably have separate lung machines flown in for them. I wouldn't worry about the two of them, but easy for me to say at this date. I don't think we have to worry about rich people that much. The fact that they got tested that quickly is amazing. Anyway, it reminds me of a SNL sketch where somebody had just died. They're sitting next to their angel basically that's explaining, you're dead, now you're in heaven. I'll answer any question you want me to answer.

The first thing the guy says is, what's the grossest thing I've ever eaten? The angel goes, you don't want to know that. Then he goes, no, no, no, I do. He goes, I'm telling you, listen to me. You don't want to know. He goes, fine, what's the 10th grossest thing I've ever eaten? The angel whispers in his ear and he turns around and barfs immediately. That's what that makes me think of is, if you knew the disgusting things you'd been

involved with, when chances are if you're in a whole river, yes, yes, you can't not associate it, but the odds are very low that you really actually experienced any dead body water and don't even begin to think about the gross things. We don't know. Just live in bliss. Just wash your hands, everyone, and gargle with hand sanitizer. No, don't do that. Don't do that.

No, no, no, no. But no, they said regular mouthwash that has alcohol in it kills those germs. So definitely after you brush your teeth, everybody gargle with, I would say listerine. That's the burniest one. I think the first thing to say is, everybody brush your teeth because we were just assuming at this point. That's true. Let's get real serious about our dental regime.

This is brought to you by what's it called? Listerine. Okay. Ready? Yeah. I'm not going to redo this. I'll redo the subject after. Hi, friends.

Period. I work as an occupational therapist at a large level one trauma center about 45 minutes away from the very small rural town that I live in. I get to see a lot of exciting cases in the hospital, parentheses, Reed, gunshot wounds, and stabbings. But one day last year, my true crime obsession hit much, much closer to home. A family friend of ours, we'll call her Rachel, had recently gone through a divorce that had turned very ugly.

So ugly, in fact, that Rachel had a restraining order against her ex, who we will call John. John called and texted Rachel all the time, but she continued to ignore him while she was staying with her mom and sister during this difficult time in her life. This might surprise you, but John was not taking that, well, insert, I roll here. One night, John sent Rachel a string of text messages saying that he really needed to talk to her about the kids, and it was an emergency against her better judgment. Rachel told John that he could come by as long as he kept it quick. When John arrived, Rachel walked out onto the porch of the house and closed the door

behind her. Rachel's mother was inside the house when she heard four gunshots. She ran out to the porch where she saw Rachel covered in blood with multiple gunshot wounds. A few feet away from her, John lay dead with a single self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Rachel had been shot in the shoulder, neck, and eye. I got the privilege of being the therapist on the floor less than 48 hours later when Rachel stood up from her hospital bed and took five steps by herself.

That's right, she survived. That incredible woman lost her left eye to her deranged ex-husband and lived to tell the story. Amazing. A year later, she is thriving, and I dream of being as tough as she was that night and every day since. I love a crazy survival story, and I know Karen does too, and Georgia does too. I had to write in and share about the craziest thing that has ever happened in my town of

less than 2,000 people. Stay sexy and always honor the terms of the restraining order, CJ. Amazing. She lived. She lived. Fucking amazing. She lived five days later. I was like, she's Karen's doing a lot of negative stories today.

I'm ending on that one because it is the real deal. You don't know what humans are capable of. Okay. My last friend says, no, but I did drown. It's the name of it. Hi, everyone. I just finished this week's mini-sode, which ended with Logan's three-second drowning story, and then it says, watch out for that kid.

Remember, Logan had to push kids into the pool? So hilarious. And immediately wanted to share the only interesting thing that's ever happened to me. Not that I'm complaining. I don't want to relate too much to a true crime podcast. True. Fair enough. When I was three years old growing up in Florida, I was in the backyard with my five-year-old

cousin playing, you guessed it, near our family's pool. The ball we were playing with fell into the pool, and very unwisely, I reached for it. I had started swimming lessons, but it was new. So unfortunately, when I slipped and fell in the water, I didn't know what to do. The way the rest of the story goes in my memory is next I felt really heavy, then sleepy, and then I woke up in an ambulance. Everyone else's memory of the story is very different. When I fell in, my cousin thankfully started screaming, and my mom and older brother heard

him inside the house. My brother was in the army at the time, and immediately dove in to get me and started CPR while my mom called 911. I'm not sure how long I was under water before my brother grabbed me, but long enough that I wasn't responsive to his CPR. The ambulance came and also tried to resuscitate me. Then they told my mom the worst thing a parent can hear. I had died.

Oh, shit. But then, a whole three minutes later, after being pronounced dead, I woke up. Hey, hey, hi. Hi. I'm back. The AMTs couldn't figure out why, and later at the hospital doctors also just told my mom it was, quote, a miracle, and that they couldn't peg what happened. The rest of that year was really hard on my mom.

She fell into a deep depression and told my family she couldn't watch anyone's kid anymore, and she no longer felt she was trustworthy. Oh, no. She slept with me every night on the couch and wouldn't let me out of her sight. She told me recently that she and my dad almost separated at this time, too, because she was just so deep in her sadness. I just remember liking being with my mom so much. Now that I'm an adult, I can't imagine what that day and year were like for my mom.

She's truly the best, and it was probably the first time we had ever been by the pool without supervision. I'm sure she didn't even know we were out there, but it only takes one time. Since then, my mom has yelled at many a parent, quote, all caps, watch your fucking children when she notices kids not being supervised well by water. A lot of people ask me if I saw heaven or deep things like that when they hear the story, but I literally remember falling asleep and dreaming about Grover from Sesame Street. So I don't know what that means.

Stay sexy. Oh, Karen's wicking the cry face that I recognize. I know what that means. Stay sexy and for the love of God, put gates around your pools. Katie. P.S., I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now, and I don't think I've ever once not called it how I met your murder. That's hilarious.

Maybe there's still some water in my brain. Thanks, Katie. Good job. Katie. Katie. We're crying over here. First hand survivor child drowning story. Will you please hug your mom for us?

Yes, for real. I mean, look, a year, it seems like she rallied quickly. That is a horrible thing for a mom to live through. That's horrible and so scary. And just so Katie knows, as a person who has owned a house with a pool, you fucking legally have to put a gate around that pool. Like California or anywhere? I don't know.

I know in California for sure. I'm not sure what. You don't have a gate around your pool. I'm calling 911. No, no, no, the gates around my house are locked. No child could wander into my backyard. I get it. Okay.

So like if you're, if people are in your house, yes, you have to be on guard, but it's basically the laws set up so that like a neighbor kid couldn't get in to your house. I didn't know that. Sorry. I called your shit out. No, it's okay. I mean, I've been through it. I don't think I would ever be calm if I had a kid in a pool.

You got to teach them how to swim as soon as possible. Yeah. As soon as possible. And even then it's like they could hit their head or something. I mean, yeah, anything can happen. Anything. It's like that one oak tree that has a big acorn and it comes straight down. Wait.

Oh, okay. I was like picturing a kid jumping in after the acorn. No, no, no. I get it. What you're saying. It's like the acorns drowning. What are you talking about? Making up horrible ways people could drown that you wouldn't expect.

And I don't know why I would do that to anybody. I just thought of it. Because it's a new world. We're in a global pandemic. Guys, it's a new, my favorite murder. Listen, we don't, it's wintertime. Nobody be near any pool. Let's take this off the worry list permanently.

No one cares about pools right now. Get away from the pool, please. Oh, please. It's concrete or pool. This is the, the plus side of it. There is every, if we have to get quarantined, we're going to be all up inside. We only have to worry about lighten that dryer on fire, a grease fire. Don't put it out with water.

Fighting over WrestleMania. Fighting over WrestleMania, which is you please keep all knives in a locked drawer or a child proof area. In the pool. Or in the pool. Child proof. Throw your knives into the pool. Only the child proof.

For winter. And then the first time you start swimming in the summertime, it's a knife dive. Yes. It's a knife dive. It's a knife dive for everybody. Oh my God. Grab the brown end, not the silver end, everybody. Oh no.

We're going to, we're going to keep recording as much as we can. Send us in whatever, like what you're doing about the, like the, your weird stories, what you're doing right now. True stories. What's, how you're coping. Yes. Coping stories. We're not coping.

Stories that will help others would be best case scenario. Yeah. Have you lived through a global pan? Are you from the 1920s? Do you remember the Spanish flu? That's right. We'd love to hear from you. Are you one of our older listeners that has a thing or two to say about a thing or two?

Taking the wisdom. Tell us not to fucking sell all our stocks or whatever. Close out your 401k right now. That's right. You know you want to, don't do it. Don't do it. Let's just see what happens. Yeah.

Let's hang out. We'll be here and, and we love you. We love you guys. Thanks for, this will be, this will be, this will feel like a, we're having like a sleep over with everyone. That's right. Right. That's going to be the goal.

Yeah. Is to keep it cozy and keep it slippers based. During the global pandemic. During the global pandemic and stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Yeah.