My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - MFM Minisode 195

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

This week’s hometowns include a killer pastor and an airplane pervert.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The mini-soat. That's right. That's Karen Kilgarov over there. That's George Art Stark way over there. Hi. Welcome. What's up, everybody? What's going on? What's up? This isn't the episode where we talk about that.

But just keep in mind, let us know what's up in a couple days. Oh, George and Frank are letting us know what's up. Sorry. They're out. I have neighbors who are partying, and I want to judge them, and I want to, like, you know, call whoever. Uh-huh. But then I remembered, and all they're doing is, like, every once in a while, there'll be one dude that goes like, whoa! Like, super loud woo-hoo guy.

And there's, you know, like, the old rebel in me is just like, fuck them. And then I remembered when I was in my 20s and we subletted a house, we made the next door neighbors move away, sell their home, and move away. We were so loud every single night. Oh, my God. Do you think it's like an Airbnb or sublet next door? It's a sublet, but it just started, and I think it's like people that are excited to have the place that they have, maybe.

Yeah. It's really not. So George, like, my dogs will bark if a car door closes, because they assume it's always coming here. Sure. And so, yeah, anyway. So they were like- Oh, my God.

No, that would drive me crazy. That would drive me fucking crazy. But it's like, it's a little bit like, it made me go, like, the first wave of emotion was like, God, fucking damn it, and then I was going to, like, text, you know, text the owner or whatever, because he's a super cool guy. And then I was just like, if I could have five friends over and yell, have one of them be a dude that yells woohoo, I would do it right now. Totally.

And it's also like, you were that person once, so you have nothing to say. I was that person. I'm jealous of those people. I've ruined people's real estate investments. Oh, my God. I've ruined, with my alcoholism, I've ruined plenty of other people's good times. I can't fucking say a word. You've been the woohoo guy.

I've been the woohoo guy. I've been in love with the woohoo guy. I've followed the woohoo guy around from party to party. I mean, there's so much that I just kind of was like, I was standing in my bathroom, because of course, it's really quiet in here most of the time. And then so that's like, wow, it's literally like this guy's having the time of his life. But I'm like, you know what? In the middle of COVID, he can still woohoo.

Meanwhile, you're fucking quarantining and like masking yourself in that. I don't get to drink Malibu coconut rum the way I really would like to sometimes. I don't get to anymore. And this motherfucker is woohooing. He's pandemic. Down his gullet, just partying in my face. He's partying right in your fucking face. He's partying right in my face, and I have to take it and I have to eat it.

And that's my lot in life because of the life I already lived. It's a test from the from it's like, if you were Buddhist, this would be the perfect test. It's, you know, it is instead of calling and being a narc. But the question I have to ask myself is, how do I get some more woohoo into my life? Because it's not impossible. I need to open up to it and just a little extra woohoo in our lives. I need to find some dude in cargo shorts. No, no, no, Karen, you need to be the woohoo guy that you want to see in other people.

No, I don't want to do the woohooing anymore. I've done it all. I've been the woohoo guy. You need to have the woohoo boyfriend that you want to see in other people. Yes. I need to start taking applications for woohoo guys in my own backyard and stop being jealous and trying to keep up with the Joneses in the other backyard. There's definitely the cargo shorts.

There's pukashell necklace. There's flip flops. You're called flip flops? Absolutely. Whatever it takes to get him into the yard, I'll just line up a bunch of white claws down the driveway. It'll be like, what, three white claws? Whoa!

And you line them up right into your heart. Get over here, you little so-and-so. Bring your cheers over here. This just happened like 10 minutes before we started recording and I was like standing in the bathroom like, they're too loud. And then I was like, what? You fucking hippo. You're a hundred.

How dare you. You're a hundred. You're a hundred. You're bitter. And you made people move out of their home. That's amazing. You were so loud. That's amazing.

Okay. Anyway, so my apologies. My apologies to everybody. Let's read everyone else's stories. Can you guys send us your worst partying or, oh no, send us your worst neighbor stories. Right? That's a great idea. Creepy, crazy, weirdo neighbors.

Fucked up neighbors that almost made you move or made you move or like what did they, what's the worst thing a neighbor has done that like, or that you've done to other neighbors? True, true. But we do want, remember, not just like don't complain about your neighbors. There needs to be an element of creepiness, a good story, part of it, something creepy. Yes, exactly. Make sure there's something, there's something out of the ordinary. And again, we still want hometown murder stories.

Like we still want fucked up hometowns. So keep sending those to us. Yeah, but we're just trying to give you a little bit of an idea, like here's the thing. It makes me think of like, everybody in college lived near, it didn't have to be like right next door, live near a creepy person that later on you're like, then we found out blah blah blah. Exactly. That's what we're looking for.

The mean neighbor was an asshole, cats started disappearing and then it turned out he had made a cat army and one night they all attacked their owners. Are you ready? Yeah. Oh, that was the cue and then they all came over the hill. Cats. Yeah. Motherfucker.

Here we go. Oh, I'd be like take me. You're like fine. You win this war. I'd hold my wrists out. I'd sacrifice myself to the take me. Okay. Can we do it?

Yeah. Do you have a sweet ending? I have a funny ending. I have a funny ending. Okay. We should go first. Okay. Well, this first one is badass grandma and a family murder, which is always a great

combination. Right? Hey pals, I've been listening for the last few days and I can't wait to listen every Monday. Sorry. Hey pals, I've been listening for the past few years. Hold on. Sorry.

I was like, wow. That was. Hey pals, I've been listening for the past few years and I can't wait to listen every Monday and Thursday. I wake up excited for my morning commute. Oh, this must be an old one. Anyways, like Karen always says, everyone in the 80s got divorced, giving me four grandmas. And then in parentheses, I'm, I'm 21, LOL.

Honestly, I'm kind of glad it all happened because all of my grandmas are my best friends. They're all badass women fighting 13 different rounds of cancers, the patriarchy, all while raising a ton of children. One of my favorite stories is how in the last two elections, all of them secretly voted for Hillary because they all wanted to see a woman in the White House before they die. Yes. They all are married to very conservative men in the South and didn't want to cause drama like the Southern Bells they are, but they wanted to see that dream come true.

Dude, I fucking, we, I knew that was, we all like knew that was happening, right? Yes. That's definitely happening. And you can do it again this year, everyone. More so. More so. Okay. Onto the murder is what it says in the, in the e-mail and that wasn't media.

My mother's stepmom, my Mimi, is an icon who drove sports cars in her 20s but became a Southern housewife who's now obsessed with Magnolia and keeping her house beautiful. When I was younger, I was staying with her and I asked how her dad died being nosy. I thought it was going to be a heart attack or something. However, I was immediately shocked and interested when she told me he was murdered by my great, great uncle, a 12 year old murdering nose dream. The story is sort of unclear because this happened about 70 years ago. However, it was something like this.

My great grandfather was with his brother chopping wood when his brother decided to start hacking away at him with one of the axes. My grandfather began to run away while being chopped at. They lived in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina. So the next closest house was about a house was about a half a mile away. As he struggled to run, he got to the neighbor's home and as he got to the window, his brother hit him with the axe for the last time and he died. As he was hit, he fell into the window covering it in blood, highly disturbing the family

watching the evening news. The family said it was like something out of a horror film. Imagine it, a bloody chopped up man falling into your living room window while you watched the news. My great uncle was then arrested and he admitted that he did it because he was jealous of my grandfather's success. He killed him in hopes to acquire his land and other possessions. Thankfully, he did not receive any of it.

My grandmother got remarried and her youngest daughter now lives in the same house. He bought for them. That grandmother outlived three husbands, the other two dying of old age, a baddie. What can I say? I've truly lost track of the grandmothers at this point. Well, anyways, thank you for all you do as a kindergarten teacher at a school who decided to open during this pandemic. There can be a lot of anxiety involved.

Very true. I'm in nursing school while teaching and I've been exhausted a lot of days, but I love Mondays and Thursday mornings. Thank you for giving me a little break twice every week. I always look forward to. Love y'all. Dylan. Here's Dylan out here in the world being a teacher and studying to be a nurse.

She's just like double downing on all of us. It's a boy Dylan. Oh, yeah. LLON. And he wrote he him. So it's a boy Dylan being a teacher and a nurse. Amazing. I know it.

I love every aspect of it. I know. Welcome Dylan. Wait. He's been here a couple of years. He's been here a couple of years. I originally read your first line that you'd been listening for a couple of days. I feel like Steven should leave that in.

Wow. Yeah. That family was never the same who got who was watching the news probably. Also it just like you're you're just out, you know, in the country in the olden days chopping wood with your brother and suddenly he just tries. He kills you. Yeah. That's insane.

Like chop chop wood and then you turn and chop again, but this time it's your brother. Yeah. Dude. Okay. This one's called it's a summer camp murder. Okay. Hello Karen, Georgia and friends. Thank you for having me now.

It's not technically a hometown, but I did spend 11 summers where this happened. So I think that counts for something, which absolutely. Here we go. They said like most kids growing up in a predominantly Jewish suburb in New York, I was an avid sleep away camper for most of my life. Let it be. It's like it goes without saying that if you grew up Jewish in any way, shape or form, you went to camp.

Totally. We were hardcore camp people. We were camp people because our parents are like get away for two weeks. We can't fucking talk to you minimum, if not all summer. Exactly. Let it be known. I was in still am obsessed with my camp experience and literally had the best time of my life there, which I have some of my best memories from camp.

Absolutely. Despite the events that had occurred on the camp property in the 1940s. And since I fear authority and getting in trouble, I'm changing all of the names in the story. Smart. And then the camp was actually an quote adult resort and then it says up for your interpretation and was owned by John and Laura Baker. When John Baker died from heart disease, his distraught wife found comfort in a new lover

who will, who we will call Henry, who was actually the resorts chef. Sorry. Anytime I talk about a camp, a fucking like camp or resort in like the Catskills, I just think dirty dancing the whole time. Right. So he looks like you're just seeing that. Yeah. It's all unfolding in your mind.

Always. From early on, Laura felt that her relationship with Henry wasn't built to last. And it says they did get married. Hey, look, it happened sometimes. But Henry became extremely controlling of her and the property being smart because she's a woman. Laura had a document created stating that in the event of her death, the property would be given to her two teenage sons.

Oh, soon after Laura and Henry decided to divorce, Henry found the document. You guessed it. He was pissed. A few nights later, Laura had planned to meet one of her sons and his girlfriend for bingo in town. When Laura didn't show up, his son went to the camp to see what was going on. Upon arriving, he entered one of the main buildings to find his mother dead from being bludgeoned with a hammer.

When the police investigated this scene, they also found Henry's body and concluded that he had taken his own life. Unfortunately, since Laura's sons were teens at the time, they were too young to take over the property, so it went on to be sold to new owners, eventually becoming a kid's summer camp. So you can only imagine the rumors and stories that circulated throughout the years. The building where Laura was murdered became the arts and crafts building. And as an indoor kid, I spent a ton of time there.

I was young at the time, but there's no age requirement for knowing when the vibe is spooky. Oh. But not spooky enough for me to play sports. So I continued making mediocre summer camp art in the murder building for many years. I think the building is now the camp's main office. Stay sexy and don't marry the chef from an adult resort and maybe find somewhere else to do your arts and crafts.

Yes. What? I mean, he's kind of explaining, isn't that basically the, sorry, they're kind of explaining the premise to Friday the 13th or film series. Right. Isn't that the one where Jason's in the lake, Friday the 13th? I don't remember. Stephen.

No one. Nightmare and Elm Street, right? Yeah. No. That takes place on Elm Street. Oh yeah. Do the negligence of the, whoops. Wait, is that Night of the Living Dead?

I think it's Night of the Living Dead. No, that's the zombies. No, that's the mall. Is that the mall one? Yeah. Camp Crystal Lake, the negligence of the camp staff. Yeah. The boy Jason drowned in the lake.

Right. But it's like, it's, camp is scary just on its own because you're out in the woods. It's cabins. There's, there's really no, there's like minimal adult supervision. Right. And so much. It's all about. Activities happen at night.

Like you still are doing things at night and walking around. Oh yes. Oh my God. Sneaking around and trying to hang out. In my camp in the Santa Monica Hills, like it was, you had to go like long trails of dark surrounded by forest. It was fucking terrifying. Dude, I went to camp, well, because I went to the same camp, Camp St. Andrews for like

12 years or some insane amount of time. I loved it too. Catholics can do it too. But we, the, one of the camps that we went to, because it kind of changed everywhere based on where they would rent, right? And one time it was in the Santa Cruz mountains where Ed Kemper killed people and that the Santa Cruz mountains were lots of bad stories. We have talked about on this show.

Just hearted. Yes. Yeah. Welcome. Welcome to camp. Kids. Camp everybody. I like it.

I like the horrifying camp stories and they have to be true. No creepypasta as you 14 year old nerds. That's right. Okay. Ready for this one? Yes. It just starts. Hi friends.

I'm just going to jump right in. I spent a portion of my upbringing in Southeast Michigan, but my dad's family comes from the west side of the state. My great grandpa Richard was a police chief in Wyoming township. This town had a local pastor who I'll just call Pastor Frank. In 1939, the 18 year old daughter of Pastor Frank died of a heart attack and was buried following a very brief investigation. Years later, Pastor Frank came onto the police's radar because he was accused of attacking

a church elder with a lead pipe. This is the game. Clue. That's it. And I don't appreciate. This is great. It's not even creepypasta. It's a fucking game.

And how dare you. You can't repeat games. Still a great game by the way. We got it at the beginning of quarantine, played it twice, loved it, haven't thought about it since. But it's a great game. Now you have to move on to watching the movie in every ending. I love the movie.

The movies. It's a series. Okay. Now let's get real. The accuser also suggested Pastor Frank tried to give him quote, chemically tainted candy. Basically, my great grandpa got super suspicious and he found out that Pastor Frank's first wife had died and quote, untimely death in Illinois several years earlier against the advice of his fellow officers and seven years after the death of the pastor's daughter,

my great grandpa brought Pastor Frank into the police station. After being questioned, Pastor Frank confessed to not only attacking the church elder, but poisoning his daughter with cyanide. Oh my God. The crime had been committed on a Sunday morning before the pastor went to deliver his weekly sermon. Dude, what the fuck? Says that right there.

Pastor Frank was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison years later when asked why he was suspicious of a young pastor committing murder, my great grandpa responded, quote, he was a man and one thing I learned in World War One is that men are capable of anything, unquote, words to live by, which it also says that I've also been interested in true crime since I was very young. And although I think there are so many problems with policing and I fully support actions to divert money to other resources, I can't help but wonder if my great grandpa passed down this interest to me.

He died well before I was born. So unfortunately, I never got to talk with him about it. I am now a clinical psychology PhD student studying the assessment of the dark triad, psychopathy, narcissism and Mac and Machiavellianism. Oh my God. So safe to say I feel I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. You are. So good.

I want to look up the dark triad. Yeah. How come when you were a kid and you did like the testing to see what you're going to be when you grew up or your fucking like career counselor was and like guess what you could study if you wanted to? Like why didn't they tell you? Because even if you could have, they would have been like, oh, that's inappropriate for girls.

Right. Right. Right. And also you won't even take your SATs because you barely go to class. Goodbye. If you can't write a book report on Silas Marner, if you don't read Silas Marner, sorry, Karen. You're literally barely graduating high school, so that's fine. Karen, if you're only going to write book reports based on the picture, the cover art

of the book, you're fucked. You won't even read the cliff notes, Karen. Will you please just pretend? I used to truly write book reports based on the picture. I'd just be like, this is the moving and unequivocable story of an old man with a beard. Just describe what the picture is. That is amazing. Okay.

Thank you so much for the podcast. You're both so great and I hope you're each hanging in there despite the wildfires and the pandemic. Thank you. I don't really know how to end this. So I'll just... It's really hard. It is hard.

It is hard, so endings are the hardest in writing. So I'll just say, stay sexy and always suspect cyanide poisoning. Yeah. Kayla. Amazing. I wonder... Amazing. I want her to finish school just so you can tell us.

I get a psychopath who's a murderer, but then also joining the priesthood and becoming a priest or whatever is like you're purposely trying to trick people. Yes. You know your purpose, you know you're going to and want to hurt people. And so... It's a cover. Yeah. Yes.

It's a cover. It's so extra. It's so extra. It's very much what those people do. They're like, what's the best way to get people to trust me without being trustworthy? And I don't want to kill strangers. I want to kill people who trust me. Yeah.

What the fuck? I mean, dude. Okay. What is it all about? This one's called Morbid Theme Park Story. Nice. And it just starts, my queens. You asked for more theme park stories and having worked several hellish theme park performing

contracts, I finally have something to write y'all about. Disclaimer, if you think sketchy, dangerous theme parks died with action park, think again. Oh shit. The summer after my freshman year at college, I got a job performing at a theme park outside of Pittsburgh called Idlewild. The park opened in 1878 and honestly, it felt like it had not been updated much since then. 1878? Run.

Run away. The slivers alone. Oh my god. Please. However, the park had added several outdoor performance spaces where I had the joy of performing in the heat and the rain for crowds of usually less than 10 people all day every day. Yes.

Do it. Do it. That's called working on your craft. That's right. The most popular show we did was one where I had the great pleasure of wearing a giant tiger suit in which I got to enjoy the aromas of three other people's buckets of sweat for 30 minutes at a time in the blazing sun. Oh shit.

Here's the worst line I've ever read. Sometimes I even got to have some spider friends in the head with me. No. And then she writes, so fun. Jesus Christ. In the head. I can't. I don't like surprises in spiders.

And you're like a six year old walking around this shitty theme park and then you walk by a fake tiger that's, you can hear a human screaming from within. I got to go to this theme park. Okay. Okay. Anyways, the premise of the show, this is necessary to the story, was the, thank you for saying so, was that the tiger Daniel was trying to convince his friend, Katarina kitty cat to go on the roller coaster with him.

She was very scared and didn't want to, but Daniel in a very creepy, non-consensual way kept pushing her to do it until she agreed, problematic throughout the show. We constantly pointed to the park's old roller coaster, the rollo coaster. It's called this thing was built in 1938. And even though it allowed kids as short as 36 inches to ride, it didn't even have seat belts. Sorry. Wait.

How short is that? Three feet tall. Okay. Three feet tall. I feel like when you become a parent, you speak, you say how your kid is 38 months and they're 36 inches tall and please know that people without kids don't fucking know how tall they are. Don't know.

Don't care. The specific congratulations on being in the 90th percentile. We don't give a shit. We know it's your life. We know how to speak our language. We're happy for you. We are. We just want to drink.

Okay. Uh, they're like, so do we. That's when we started the mom wine trend. That's why we're all having drinks while we talk about this. So it didn't have seat belts. Nope. Just a little bar. We used to go on it because it seems so rickety and always felt weird, uh, about promoting

it in the show, but kids went fucking bananas for both Daniel Tiger and the roller coaster. So there wasn't much I could do about it. One day while getting ready to head over to the tiger show, we got news that a three-year-old child had fallen off the roller coaster and was being flown to the hospital in critical condition. However, our show was about to start and since it was one of the park's biggest attractions, our supervisor made us do it in the midst of the chaos. So here I am in a tiger suit singing and dancing about how fun the roller coaster is moments

after a helicopter left the park with an unconscious child. Oh, clearly everyone in the unusually packed audience knew what had happened and through the mesh cartoon tiger eyes, I received the dirtiest looks from parents who seem to think that I had any autonomy in this situation. Either that Daniel the tiger or you're projecting or you knew it was terrible, right? Yeah. Family by family, the crowd started to empty out, tossing back disappointed head shakes as they left.

Right before Katarina agreed to go on the roller coaster, a supervisor cut the sound and announced that Daniel had to take a nap. The show was canceled for the rest of the summer, but don't worry, I still got to wear the tiger suit from meet and greets. I've tried to find more information on the child many times since that day and I've never learned what happened to him. The kids running the rides at this park seem like they were 13 and it should have never been a child's responsibility determined that another child was safe on an octogenarian

roller coaster. The roller coaster is still open and finally after almost a century has seatbelts stay sexy and don't go to sketchy theme parks, especially during COVID Zoe. It's still open. It's still open. They just added seatbelts. That's horrible. Yeah.

At first, when you first started telling the story, I was like, oh, wow, like more action park style things than it's like, yeah, more tragedies. Yeah. I mean, because whether they're an unincorporated rando theme park or whether it's a- Playing off the fucking local government so they don't have to have safety checks and shit. Or it's the big ones. I mean, those accidents happen all the time.

It's horrifying. I have no and aside from funnel cakes and corn dogs, I have no fucking interest in going to an amusement park ever. I mean, there's some good ones, but I have to say that for the future, for three years from now, when we can all start going back to them, there's nothing better. The best ride right now at Disneyland is a California adventure and it's soaring over California. Although now it's soaring over the world.

I never got a chance to get on that one. Oh my God, you have to. It's so and there's like no risk because you're actually not going anywhere. You're just in this thing that gets lifted up and get moved. You get moved into like a, okay. I went on the Tower of Terror right before the weed Rice Krispie treat I kicked in and I had to leave. Oh.

So I didn't get a chance to go on and I had a fucking- So did you go up, up, up and then back down? I loved it. Like you had to walk down. It was the most. Well, I was on that ride and I was like, it's hydraulic. I get it. I love it.

It was like the most fun I've ever had. And then we went in the Muppet 3D ride and I fucking had a, I lost it. I had a panic attack. I ran out of there and I was like, we're leaving right now. So I didn't get to go on soaring over whatever the fuck. Oh, because you had to cut your day short. I think a lot of people- Don't do edibles.

You guys. You don't need to do edibles. It's going to happen to you and don't do that in public. Right. You can't just surprise ride edibles. Definitely. Over simulation edibles are not a thing. Not at a theme park, not at the place that's like, we're bending over backwards to blow

your mind and you're like, hold on, let me take a little bit of this first. Yeah. That was 20s, Georgia. She made a lot of mistakes. Hey, I relate. That's why we have this podcast. No judgments. Looking for a better cooking routine?

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That's up to 20 free meals plus free shipping on your first box when you go to hellofresh.ca slash murder20 and use code murder20. Goodbye. What makes a person a murderer? Are they born to kill or are they made to kill? I'm Candice DeLong and on my new podcast, Killer Psyche Daily, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the criminal masterminds, psychopaths and cold-blooded killers you hear about in the news.

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Download the app today. This just starts, hi everyone. I just realized I have a good weird pervert story for you with a flight attendant flair for Spice. What a kickoff. What more does one want? I love Spice. When you're a flight attendant, many people ask you your weirdest or worst experience

on a flight because many people cannot fathom the idea of spending your life on a plane when airports are such pure torture to so many. While I've now lived through restraining aggressive passengers, strange and wonderful encounters with celebrities, horrible weather, diverting to a different airport unexpectedly and working long crazy hours when things go wrong, I don't think I can top the story that one of my favorite senior flight attendants told me. Back in the day, things were a lot more relaxed in the way of security, but our main job has always been safety first, service second.

That means looking out for any signs of danger, making sure people have seatbelts on when it gets turbulent, and also things like monitoring the lavatories for anything wrong. One day my friend was walking the aisles and giving out water as usual when she passed by one of the lavatories near the back of the plane and noticed a weird odor. It smelled like smoke, which is always a huge emergency because fire on a plane can be deadly, but not cause for panic. A lot of people will sneak into the lavatories thinking they won't get caught sneaking a few quick puffs.

They always, and this is in parenthesis, they always get caught. I've had friends whip open the doors the second the smoke alarms go off and catch people red handed. Holy shit. She then realized after a second sniff that it wasn't normal smoke, oh yes, that was marijuana smoke. Great. So she does the normal knock on the door, hello, are you smoking in there?

No response. She knocks again saying, hello, are you smoking in there? Nothing. So when she was coming in, she unlocked the door and then in parenthesis, yes, we can do that and opened it before staring in shock on the toilet was a man smoking a joint naked. He was, however, completely wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap. She quickly closed the door and went to her in charge flight attendant and told him what was going on.

He immediately stomped to the back of the plane and yelled to the man that he was to put his clothes on right now or the authorities would meet them on the ground and arrest him. Like I said earlier, it was a different time. Not sure when exactly, but definitely before 9 11. These days of a man was caught with all that, the police definitely would have been called and the man might have been charged. But back then he was allowed to just walk off the plane like nothing. If you behave from now on, we wonder, it's like, you can do the bad thing, but when we

tell you you have to behave, you have to comply. And then you're fine. Do you say that the saran wrap, okay, wait, I'm going to finish this then I have some ideas. Okay. So thanks for reading. And if you know a flight attendant, buy them wine and press them for juicy stories because we all have them.

Also we really need the wine right now. Since COVID started, thousands and thousands of flight attendants have been laid off. And many of us have been left devastated by losing a job that we live with all our hearts. And those who could never imagine anything worth giving up flying have been forced to find something else and start back at square one. We are resilient and we can't wait to fly again, but we are also heartbroken to have our wings clipped. I'm lucky enough to work for an amazing Canadian company that did not leave us completely

out in the dark, but many others are not nearly as lucky. Stay sexy and always wear shoes while going into the airplane bathroom. Lots of love. Ariel. Ariel, can we have a moment to fucking shout out flight attendants and how you and I have experienced so many of them. And they're just the hardest working badass people. Who deal, even before all this stuff, dealt with so much bullshit from people, so much

bullshit and they always were, I mean, all the ones I've dealt with and I've also had some in my family who are just their pros. They know how to handle people, they know good psychology, they know how to get people to do things. They can immediately be like, tell what kind of person they're dealing with and know how to switch over to whatever the, oh my God, and then also like not deal with your bullshit and be good at it. Yeah.

And so, and there's so many who have lost jobs, there's been huge layoffs. Seriously. Everywhere. And the ones who have jobs have to deal with so many assholes, double assholes. And just, I mean, yeah. Here's my theory about this guy on this plane and this story, to go back to that. The first thing I thought of was, because first of all, how stupid do you have to be to smoke pot on a plane?

Oh my God. Even if it was 1974 and it was like the height of it all. But the Saran wrap, I was like, is that a like a crazy guy who was trying to lose weight? And so he was like, yeah, sweating it out in the, yeah, he's like doing a sweat thing. Maybe some weird actor or a long distance runner. Maybe he read in Marie Claire that this is the best way to lose weight is if you're like in above the earth and in air and you wrap, in you wrap yourself, this is the way to lose weight.

This is a new way. Next up, fun sex tips that involve a scrunchie. Oh, no scrunchies in sex. That was a real, that was a, I used to do that in my act. That was a real headline on Cosmo one time. It's like, 10 great sex trips, sex tips for Thanksgiving or whatever, and like, and one involves a scrunchie. And I was just like, what is happening?

What is happening? Don't put a scrunchie on anyone's balls, friends. Like that's just unnecessary. We don't even, I don't even want a scrunchie in my hair. It's not just to tie up all your stuff, get it out of the way. That's gotta be it. Okay. This is called Robby Story.

And then it says in the title, Robby still exists. Remember we were talking about people named Robby in the houses. And then it says with bonus crazy hitchhiker. Great start. It starts howdy. I'd like to preface this story by saying, I love my fiance deeply. You know, it's gonna be good. Yeah, it's gonna be good.

And then it says, but Lord has he done some dumb shit before we got together. And yes, his name is Robby. They do still exist. So my fiance Robby likes to tell me tales of the adventures he's had before we got together. Stories like how he jumped off a dam into water that was over a hundred feet below. How he threw house parties with nothing but strangers. That's like your neighbors. How he has been in multiple barfights, etc.

And then it says he was a wackadoodle slash alcoholic slash unmedicated bipolar. The scariest and most interesting story happened to him one night on one of his typical and then in parentheses, what the fuck, 3am cruises around town. So for his usual routine, Robby would casually decide to get up in the middle of the night and cruise around in his Camaro, his literal pride and joy while listening to music, being the offensively over trusting person that he is. He decided to pick up a hitchhiker that he saw on the side of the road during one of these drives.

The ride starts out normally. Once again, what the fuck and who does this with them listening to music and Robby asking the hitchhiker where he's headed. The side of the road guy names a town that's within 30 minutes. So they began to head that way. About 10 minutes into the drive, the hitchhiker pulls a knife on my fiance. He holds a knife near Robby's throat and tells him that he needs to hand over all his money and cards or he will fucking die.

So what does my fiance do with his midlife crisis car? He speeds the fuck up. Oh, Robby starts going 70 and then 80 and then 90 down this back road. All of a while, the knife is still held up to him. Robby looks over while holding the pedal to the floor and says, I'm ready to die. Are you fucking Robby's Robby's fuck? Yes, Robby's Robby's. Yes.

Apparently this works. The knife goes down. The hitchhiker goes silent. Yeah. Robby slows down and tells him to get the fuck out of the vehicle and the hitchhiker does as he is told. I guess the moral of the story is stay sexy and don't pick up hitchhikers at 3 a.m. or maybe ever Jesse.

That's Jesse and Robby are our favorite couple. I think John Cougar Mellon camp wrote a song about them. Okay, I just want to say this. We were being very facetious about Robby. We were being judgmental. Yeah. We were putting a lot on him. But guess what?

But. When I go out at 3 a.m. in your Camaro and pick up hitchhikers because you like to listen music and meet people or whatever your reasons are, then you do that like the warrior Robby and basically you're ready to die to do that. And then if the people are going to threaten you, you're like, yeah, I expected this. You doubled down. Because it's 3 a.m. Yeah.

And I'm being crazy. I didn't think I'd pick up a fucking dude on his way to the office. You know? Robby, right? You're out there to like mix it up with the bad boys and you because you are the king of the bad boys. Robby. What you're wanting is experiences to tell your future fiancee about.

So she's all like, that's crazy. But inside she's like, my heart is racing. I love him so much. Yes. She'll never be bored of you if you have cool stories. No. Holy shit. You can't.

You can't bore Jesse. Man. She's like, tell me everything. She's like, I want to hear it. Love it. Robby, I'm ready to die. Are you? I'm ready to die.

The ultimate upper hand, also just remember that in any situation. You don't actually literally have to be ready to die. You have to be a good actor and you have to be willing to say the sentence and roll the dice that maybe the other person's like, you know what I am. I am actually. Let's do this. Yeah. And ideally be a man, I'm guessing to name Robby.

That'd be helpful. Yeah. I'm seeing Robby as being a bit broad chested, maybe even barrel chested. Kind of like a, he's got like a motorhead shirt with a fleece over it. Yeah. That's Robby. So, you know, he's going to pull that off. He's going to pull the, are you ready to die with me tonight?

Is that it? No, you have one more. No. No. Do it. Oh, no, you don't. No, that's it. That was six.

Keep going. Keep going. Oh man. I would have read that one slower. That was the perfect ending. That was the perfect ending. Robby. Robby.

He ruled. And high fives to all of the flight attendants out there and nurses and teachers and, you know, God and Robby. Yeah. Yep. Link arms, everybody. Cause we need to, we need to support each other. That's right.

These are tough times. We're here for you. You're here for you and us and everyone and all the murderers. And also stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Yeah.