My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - MFM Minisode 28

Episode Date: May 22, 2017

It's minisode time! Do you know where your asses are? This week Karen and Georgia read your hometowns from DC, Baltimore, and Philly along with a hometown from Georgia's uncle Gene.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Good night. Good morning. This is my favorite murder mini-soad. We're Karen and Georgia. That's right. That's one of us. And the other one is the other one. And welcome.

Is that you having more energy? I was listening to our podcast on the river just to check. And I was like, oh my god, I just drone on and on and on. And I kind of have vocal fry. And so now I'm going to talk about murder like this. Well, then I quit. I mean, please. No, you know.

No one wants that. I know. No one wants that. I know. Vocal fry is the future. Yeah. All right. Well, this is the episode where we read you your hometown murders because we have one

billion of them. And we want to hear them all. Steven picks them now. It's part of his job. That's right. We haven't paid him for yet. That's right. We're very busy eating bonbons with slippers with fuzzy stuff on the top of them.

Question. Yes. I've never known this. Bonbons are like ice cream things, right? Well, the way I mean it is, bonbons are like candy. Like any kind of almost like truffles. Yes. But I think any kind.

Okay. It's whatever you imagine, like Turkish delight. Like whatever I imagine the Golden Girls eating kind of. Yes. Exactly. I mean, I know, but I've never had someone go, here's a bonbon. Right. Because I think it's like from like 40s fiction, basically.

And it's, I think it's stopped in the 80s. So as a child, I remember it. Anyways. Well, but there is, I think there's a brand of ice cream circle things that are bonbons, but I don't know. It's just a general. I'm thinking of like Blanche du Bois style up on the bed, eating candy. Definitely.

I don't think she would. Okay. What? I was just gonna, I can't see her. I can't see her eating ice cream in that heat of New Orleans. So I'm going to guess that it's not ice cream. True. Cause it would melt so fast.

Yeah. I've got to make. This is the way we're going to figure things out. These are out of my brain. It's just like here, I need the weird details. I love it. Um, no, I think that's what it's all about. Okay.

Do you want to go first? Sure. Um, let's see. The lighting is so hilariously 70s in here. Like we're in a room with like burgundy curtains and a amber lighting. We're at the Feral Audio Studios and they made a room to like for people to podcast in and it reminds me of like where Vincent Price would live or something. Yeah.

This is straight up steakhouse cosplay. Yeah. It's totally like who needs beans. Okay. Ready? Baked potato or mashed potatoes? Twice baked. Twice baked.

Okay. I literally have to like lean the paper because I can't see. Okay. All right. Uh, let's see. Hi. This is titled the butt slasher. Great.

Hi. Two exclamation points. You all are the best. See. Thank you. That's from before your vocal criticism. Right. You're right.

Um, looking at you Elvis. Oh, whoops. Uh, I've told my friends and coworkers about MFM. I keep, I keep recommending your podcast to a lot of strangers at bars. So there's that. Wow. There's that brave, brave work. My story is not a murder that I know of, but it's a really fucked up crime.

That's good. Great. In the strangest way, which just makes it so interesting. I grew up in the burbs of Washington, DC, and not much happens here. Back in 2011, I was in college, but I remember hearing reports that nine women had come forward and had unexplained slashes on their butts with matching cuts in the back of their pants after going shopping. It turns out that all these women had been at various stores.

When a strange man quote unquote accidentally dropped some clothes nearby and the women would try to help him pick up the clothes. Never help a fucking ground man do anything in a closed time. Yeah. Um, and when they bent over, he would cut their butt with a box cutter. I'm sorry. I'm laughing. It's horrible.

It's such a weird fetish. It's so bizarre. And it's so. Okay. It's a very what the fuck and we can laugh because no one got killed. Well, and also because they wouldn't even notice until either they went home. This is the recipe. Oh, because you didn't cut.

Okay. Yes. It wasn't like a stab slash. It was like, it says, but the women wouldn't really notice what was going on until they either got home or went to a changing room because they assumed the cut was just a sharp hanger poking them. Oh my God. So they dubbed this man the butt slasher.

I mean, how did they think of it? You knew he was mad and he was like, no, that's not what I want. I want my name. Like it's such a. I wanted to be the white eagle. Yeah. But slasher isn't. It's not that.

No, he stopped after that. It's not great for jail. So they dubbed this man the butt slasher. This is not a joke and started suggesting women do basically. Oh, suggesting women to basically keep track of their asses when they were at shopping malls. Always keep track of your ass. Well, I mean, yeah, that's, that should be a given.

If you don't do that, please start. Yeah. You know what it says in parentheses really? How is this okay? How does one even do that? Like as if those women like weren't keeping track of their butt, like those lazy butt women. I guess the late, you know what it is?

Lazy butt women just have both of your hands on your own ass at all times and then men won't, then won't be able to assault you. Yeah. Stop asking for it by just having an ass in the world. All right. I was 19 at the time, but so my parents refused to let me go outside without super. 19, she said. Honey, you got some overprotective parents.

That's the best sense I've ever read. I was 19 at the time. So my parents refused to let me go out without supervision. There's so many problems with that. Yeah. If you were 11, that would be okay. It's so good. All of Northern Virginia.

Well, I bet because he was into like young women doing it to young women. So funny. Still. Yeah. All of Northern Virginia was on high alert about the butt slasher when they finally got security footage of him in the summer and started to hone in on him. So he fled his home country of Peru. Oh, sorry.

He fled to his home country. Got it. Of Peru. When Virginia police finally ID the guy, it went international and Interpol found him at a mall in Peru, probably trying to slash her butts. Yeah. Yeah. He wouldn't be able to stop at that point.

It took a year, but he finally was sent back to Virginia where he's serving a seven-year prison sentence. It was originally 20 years, but of course they reduced it. Stay sexy and don't get murdered. I'm really emotionally invested at this point. Alex. Amazing. I love the reason for not getting murdered as well.

Yeah. I am too, Alex. So. That was a little lighthearted. I mean, listen, those girls have a horrific PTSD and they have to go to therapy. Or do they, if they didn't even know it happened and then it's, then it's just like a weird feeling, but it's not like, yeah. What's that thing of like this fucking world as opposed to like, what the fuck is wrong

with that guy? Yeah. What is truly it like, you basically just brushed up against one of the many pervs in this world and get your pants cut as proof. And he happened to have some sort of razor blade in his hand instead of that part is a bummer. Yeah. I'm sure they're dealing with it.

Listen. In their way. Um, okay. Wait. Did you, sorry. Did you hear about the guy in Portland who was cutting women's ponytails off on the bus? No. Really?

Yes. Well, he, they just caught him, but he was doing it. I think he started two or three years ago, but my friend, Jason Lopez lives in Portland and he just sends me updates every time there's an update about the haircut, the haircut guy. Oh my God. Just, he was doing something else to you, but now I can't remember what it is, but basically cutting women's hair. Ew.

Yeah. What a creep. I mean, back to front. You got, you got to be aware. One hand in your hair. One hand over your ponytail. Okay. Put it up in a tight bun.

Tight bun. Hold that. And then just sit on your arm and cover your butt. Cover your ass. Yeah. Great. What a world. What a great world we live in.

What a world. Okay. This one is called my best friend's mother's murder. Oh. Hi there, lovely ladies. Oh, hi. Hi. Um, okay.

I, uh, I have a hometown murder. I grew up in Dundalk, Minnesota, MD, um, Maryland, Maryland, no, no, no, MD. Because it's from Baltimore, Maryland. Yeah. We started, I really don't want, that's really embarrassing because we were just there. Oh, the, it's that, and that's the theme of these. Hey, look, you're, you're human being Stephen, stop writing. She's not going to let me cut it out.

I demand that you keep it in, but I don't give a shit. We can take it out. You know what? What? I grew up in Dundalk, Maryland, a suburb right side of Baltimore city. Oh, I should have read the rest of that one yet. Um, and you should do that forward scanning, speed reading thing. I don't know what you mean, just planning, I think they call it.

Oh, oh, that's right. No, no, no, no, no. Not you. Total mistake. And Stephen, from now on, if you're going to, if you're going to have one of these with this abbreviation of the state, can you write it out please? Thanks. Um, could you do some Cliffs notes at the front of the emails, like a shortened version of

the emails so we know what's happening? Can you do basic shit that I should have learned in third grade? Will you record this podcast for us? He's like, yes. Please. Um, in September of 1989, I was in fourth grade and had a best friend named Tanya. We were both around eight or nine years old and we would spend lots of time together, including sleepovers, so our families got to know each other fairly well.

I didn't know very many details at the time, but apparently her parents were going through a pretty messy divorce. Uh-oh. Yeah. Terry, Tanya's mother, who was only 27 years old at the time, moved out of her, moved out into her own apartment. And from what I gather, the parents shared custody of the three kids, all girls. The apartment that Terry lived in was directly across the street from the restaurant where

she worked at as a waitress. Tanya, the oldest, was being dropped off after a bowling trip by her uncle and Terry should have just gotten off her shift at the restaurant. Tanya walked in to find her mother naked and stabbed to death in their apartment, in the apartment. The two other girls were spared the sight as they were spending the night with another family member. Oh, thank fucking God.

Oh, honey. Ugh. Family and friends always suspected that Tanya's father murdered Terry, but no one has ever officially been named as a suspect by the PD. Despite the fact that the murder weapon, a knife, was found in a nearby dumpster. 28 years have passed, which is longer than Terry Shemansky was even alive, and still the case remains unsolved. So that's all for now.

I have to admit, I don't take all your advice, and I've been hiking in the woods alone frequently lately, so I'm a pretty tough cookie, although I've been carrying a knife with me just in case. There you go. So far, I've managed to stay sexy and not get murdered by Mel C. Keep it up, Mel. I kind of, I know that they always think it's the, like they're divorcing that, but like stabbed to death and naked and you work across the street at the restaurant, so the person,

some guy has a crush on you that goes there all the time and sees exactly where you go into your home. Yep. And knows when you're there and when you're not there. Right. Sees you leave work, knows you're in that home. Yes. And then rape, like, I'm assuming sexually assaulting and stabbing, doesn't, doesn't

sound very like ex-husband MO. Yeah. What is the ex-husband MO shooting? I think strangling, strangling or stabbing, but I don't think the naked, but at the same time I have no idea what their relationship was like, if he was abusive or whatever. It's just such, like, I feel like all bets are off when it's like a kid finds them. It's just the worst. Your kid finds them, like what?

It's so awful. So awful. It's just the worst. And I, yeah, I feel like also her dad wouldn't let her, her kid find her. Yes. He knew that the next person that was going to be there was his daughter. I feel like in all those 2020s that we've watched, when it is the husband, that's exactly right.

They do it separately because they're such weirdo, like they can separate it all, where like they send the kids away and then do something to the other. She never, she didn't show up to work the next morning. So they sent someone over to check on her, not that like, I know my kid's going over there after. Yeah. I mean, that's practice. Who's that helping or her, I mean, who's that hurting or like what, that's not revenge.

That's just destroying a child. Oh my God. Everything about this is terrible. Horrible, horrible. Okay, you go. Okay. Should I read the butt slasher again? This one is hometown murder, the machete wielding taxi driver.

I would like to start this by saying that if this is not the email for the MFM podcast and I apologize and hope you don't read the rest of it. Love it. Hello, Karen and Georgia. My name is Allison. Oh, she says her last name and says how to pronounce it. No. Okay.

And I heard, that's just for us. And I heard about my favorite murder through the cracked podcast. Hi, Jack O'Brien. We love you. Hi guys. And have been obsessed ever since. I have something that's less of a hometown murder and more of a hometown weird ass thing. We like these.

I like this, Steven. I live in Sterling, Virginia, 30 minutes from Washington, DC. And as expected of a Northern Virginia suburb, nothing exciting really happens except for one thing that happened when I was 11 or 12. This man, I can't find his name anywhere, was staying with his mom in the next street over from us. And since he wasn't from the area and his mom couldn't drive, he called a taxi. Since he was picked up by the driver, again, can't find a name, they drove for about five

minutes until the driver pulled into a hiking trail close to the neighborhood and pulled out a goddamn machete saying for him to give him his shoes and all his money, saying for the passenger to give the taxi driver his shoes and all his money. The passenger escaped through the window and ran to a house three doors down from us who called the police. Meanwhile, the taxi driver sped off. But since there are only one and a half ways to get out of the neighborhood and one is a bike trail, he had very few ways to escape.

So the police looked for him for a few hours, which scared the fuck out of us. I have a very clear mental picture of three officers in full armor, one holding a big ass gun as they walked past our house. Dark only for the helicopter lights. Wow. And after, at about midnight, they cornered him in a nearby golf course. Somehow he had gotten onto the course in his taxi. What?

How did that happen? Is this a Will Ferrell movie? And they arrested him. Needless to say, my sisters and I had a story to tell at school the next day that not a single person believed. We believe you, Allison. Stay sexy. Don't get murdered, Allison.

That's so funny. Allison, now you have a bunch of people who not only believe you, but support you. Yeah. We want to believe. We do. Did I play my uncle, I think I teased it a couple of weeks ago. My uncle's. No, do it.

He read. Yeah. Okay. So my uncle's a pretty funny guy and his name is Jean. And let me put this on to this be girlfriend thing. That guy has to go blue. Yeah. Ask me anything.

Okay. Don't go blue. Karen. Okay. All right. So let's do it from here. So I was living in Japan and there was this group called Omshinryo and they were a cult group that decided what the hell they're going to gas 60 people in Tokyo and that's

what they did. Killed 60 people with saran gas, saran gas, I think it is. That's been known to me about a six months later. I was leaving for Los Angeles and I always would lease my place in Tokyo for three months and one day five people came for where it's Patriots. One was a Japanese guy. He stayed behind, pulled out money and said, I'll take it right now. And I rented it to him when I came back three years, three months later, the police picked

me up outside of the university I was teaching and they took me down the hill for about three hours and drove around Tokyo and kept on asking me, do you know this guy? He went by an alias name. So I said, no, no, I didn't know him. Finally they showed me the picture of him and I go, yeah, he rented my place for three months during the summer and he turns out to be one of the top people that they were looking for at the time and his picture, dressed as a woman, was in all the subways. So that's why I didn't recognize him.

But after they harassed me and they kept on harassing me, that was when I walked into the subway, I go, hey, there is, I forgot his name, and it wasn't his name, I'm sure. There was Satoshi in a way and he was dressed as a woman and I recognized the face. I don't know if they ever found him again, but the police kept on harassing me. They would walk by my place when I would come out in the morning to go to school. They stopped me one time on the train station nearby where I lived for no reason at all. And yeah, that was basically it. That's the basic story.

But no, that's great. Because that's the guy, you've seen that picture, yeah, heard me. When you first told me this, I thought it was that main guy that's like, looks like a cartoon from Mad Magazine of like a crazy cult leader with the long hair. But I know the picture of that guy, because they tried to pin it on a woman, the actual sarin gas bombing, like the person, I think that either left it there or was in the subway that day that was dressed as a woman. And this is the one where they put it in like balloons and backpacks and then they stabbed

it with, they had like umbrellas, right? I think so. There's a great last podcast on the left about it, it's like a probably three or four parter that's amazing. Yeah, I saw a documentary about it too, it's just like how they did it, it was so interesting. It's so crazy, but there's like hundreds of people got sick, like 60 people died. It's horrible. It's horrible.

Also, that's so funny that it's just like, yeah, you just somehow now you're involved in this high level crime because you rented your apartment. Yeah, it makes sense. They gave you cash and you didn't ask questions. Hell, that's the dream. He lived in your house for three months. And you're an ex-pat too. That's hilarious.

That's hilarious. Yeah. That's so funny. I mean, what if it turns out that he did have something to do with it, not be funny. And he's like just trying to set up an alibi on this podcast. I respect it. No. I don't know what to do.

Uncle Gene, you got to do what you got to do. I'm turning states evidence is all I'm saying. I don't know if that doesn't apply. But if it does, you'll have the perfect outfit for that courtroom, don't you think? I see it like something with a bow tie, a bow at the neck. Like a pussy bow. Yes, Melania. Yes, girl.

Do you want to read one more or should that be that? How much time, Steven? We've been going for 20 minutes. Five more? Five more. Do one more, Karen. All right. Let's go for a better cooking routine.

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Are some poison in how I used to be babysat by a murderer? Yay, that sounds like a book. Yeah, yeah. The new one by James Patterson. Have you ever seen those James Patterson commercials where he's doing the commercial for his own book? No. It's really something to behold.

If you get a chance, they're usually 15 seconds long. Usually he's wearing sunglasses in his own commercial. It's hilarious. By my book? By my book, and he's talking about the lead character like it's someone everyone knows. It's like Hannibal Lecter's at it again, but it's some character you've never heard of. It's the best.

Commercials for books don't really make any sense to me, but I feel like Dianetics. I feel like that level of James Patterson style, level writer, like you're a billionaire. You've been doing it for 90 years. Everybody reads your books at the airport. You're beyond literature. Now you're like a TV... Anyhow. Anyhow.

Go. Any. Anyhow. Hi, Georgian. Karen here is my hometown murder story. When my sister and I were very young and living in Baltimore, we had a friend named Barb, not her real name, but obviously I'm referencing everyone's hero Barb from Stranger Things.

Yay. Fake name Barb from Stranger Things. Her mother would babysit us occasionally. We would love to go over to Barb's house because her father was a groundskeeper at the golf course that they lived on. Wow. Another golf course, right? That's what Baltimore's all about.

I hear. It's real good golf. We would play on the greens when we were about five years old, around 94 to 95. Barbara and her family moved away and we didn't hear anything about them from them afterwards. Fast forward a couple of years later when our dad tells us that Barb's father had died. Why he thought it was a good idea to tell a 12-year-old that I'll never know. Apparently a couple years after they moved, Barb's parents went to a Valentine's murder mystery weekend.

No. Sorry. Did I have a murder mystery weekend? This is the best. I don't care what happens after this. I know. The fact that this is how it's starting. Sorry.

I'm actually kind of crying, laughing. Okay. An event at a bed and breakfast on the eastern shore of Maryland. Wow. After the murder mystery performance, they went back to their room. During the night, she went to the front desk and told them that their room was on fire and her husband was in there and the police called 9-1-1. Oh my God.

Her story was that she told the police was that during the theatrical dinner, her husband had gotten very drunk. After they went back to the room, she claimed he started a fight with her, so she left and drove around for a couple of hours. As you do. When she returned, their room was on fire and she feared the worst. That's when she went to the front desk. She claimed that he would smoke cigars often and that probably that's what had started

the fire. During the course of the investigation, witnesses reported that he had only had one beer at dinner and was in a fine mood. His blood work came back without any alcohol and in talking to his family, they claimed that he never smoked a day in his life. More investigating revealed that she had been very disgruntled with their marriage for years and had been trying to solicit co-workers to kill him. What?

And she would split his $250,000 life insurance policy. Hey, Susan in... Susan in... Finance. Human Resources. Human Resources. Managed. Uh-huh.

Do you know anyone who can kill my husband? Um... Shoot... Can I ask my cousin? I'll call you tomorrow. Great. Okay. Um, we'll talk about it in the kitchen in front of three other people.

Okay. Uh... So what really happened that... Oh, so what really happened that night? There's a question mark at the end that I didn't see till just the eleventh hour. So what really happened that night? Some time after they returned to their room, after the performance, she managed to inject with a paralytic. She was a nurse and had access. Oh man. And then set the bed on fire.

What the fuck? That's fucked up. So wait, is he aware of what's going on and he's just paralyzed? Sounds like it. Uh, a fuck no. That's fucked up. Okay. Uh, she got a pretty long prison sentence because duh, she fucking better have. And as far as I know, is still there. Poor guy. I believe Barb went to live with her grandparents after everything happened. And I still think about her sometimes, especially since listening to your podcast. I think the creepiest part for my sister and I is that this woman who again said her husband on fire used to be responsible for our lives when we were tiny little four year olds. Love you guys, Elvis and his cookies. Keep up the good work. Thanks for teaching us all how to stay sexy and not get murdered. Julia. God,

that's awful. That's fucking insane. I feel like there's no, like if you're a nurse, you could probably get poisoned. Like why the setting someone on fire, which I'm, I'm assuming in my mind would be one of the worst possible ways to die. I think it's up there. Yeah. And and putting that onto someone you had children with and loved at one point, and that's just like cruel in a way that doesn't mat nothing out like that poisoning or shooting doesn't match. You're exactly right because it's she's stealing the same size of a bottle, whether it's a paralytic or like a huge thing of demoral. She just shoots them up and kills them. And then it's like, I don't know what happened, but she wanted him to suffer. That's nightmarish. Yes. I think probably she was hoping

that his body would be so burned. They couldn't do a toxicology report, but it's like, well, that case, exactly. In that case, you could have done fucking poison. Yes. But she purposely found something just to just to torture him. That's and I mean, that's evil. That's super fucking evil. That makes me so creeped out. How do you guys feel about it? Hey, can you read the can you read the butt slasher one more time for the third time? Guys, keep in mind, there is a real fun butt slasher. Do you guys think do you guys think your murder is better than these your hometown murder or your friend family co worker murder? Then email them to us and Steven at my favorite murder at gmail.com. Also, if yours is just a death three weird thing that happened in

your town, we like those two. Yeah. And clearly, we need at least one lighthearted one every episode. So if yours is just like, that's not that great because no one died, send it anyways. That's right. Even if it's just some like I saw a weird thing on my grammar school playground, I want to hear about that. And like maybe make a little note in the subject line lighthearted. Steven, it's lighthearted. So Steven knows where they are. You could go through and human tear with a circle and across through it or like what are the what's the little line emojis of a guy going, I don't know, like the shrugging shoulders handmade shrugging. Yeah. The one of those. Oh, I guess they do have them as a circle. Do they? It's not a circle head.

It's not this one. We got to see the emoji movie. That reminds me. I don't have I yelled at I yelled on a sidewalk with you saw that billboard with a billboard because it was a poop emoji. And I'm just like, what is this world coming to? I think the poop emoji is the star. I don't. I just know how to go as a family. The three of us. Come on. Elvis, Mimi live recording. We'll do it. We'll pirate a recording of it. Oh my God. It's just screaming at the and people telling us to be quiet. And then that's getting kicked out. Children crying because we're ruining their experience. Well, thanks for listening to my favorite murders. Thank you. Sexy. Don't get murdered. Bye.