My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - My Favorite Murder Presents: Bananas - Episode 1: Pigeon Pants with Kristen Schaal

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

My Favorite Murder presents the first episode of Bananas where Kristen Schaal (Bob's Burgers, BoJack Horseman) joins Kurt Braunohler and Scotty Landes for the premiere! They discuss stories involving pigeons and pants, human tongues and jars, mysterious mashed potatoes and more! Listen and subscribe to Bananas on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, everybody get ready because you guys are about to hear the very first episode of our newest, exactly right podcast, Bananas. It's hosted by our good friends, comedians, Kurt Braunweiler and Scotty Landis. So each week, Kurt and Scotty are going to bring you the most absurd, shocking, or fascinating news from around the world, and all these stories are absolutely true. But they're just weird enough that they're going to make you go, that's Bananas. So take a listen right now to the first episode with guests, Kristen Shaw. And then you can go to the Bananas feed directly and you can hear episode two with me, Georgia

Hardstar. That's out right now. And then please subscribe and listen on Stitcher Apple Podcast or wherever you listen and follow the show on Instagram at The Bananas Podcast. Enjoy. Goodbye. Enjoy. Hey guys, thanks for listening to Bananas.

Just a quick disclaimer in that this episode was recorded before the world ended. So if it seems like we're talking about going out and touching other human beings, know that this was in an earlier, more innocent time. We didn't know how bad it was going to be, but Kristen Shaw's our guest. And we actually have a wonderful conversation and a really fun time. Something that we want to do on the show is actually positive and not bring you down. So we hope everybody out there is safe and healthy. We hope you have stocked wipes and toilet paper and food.

And enjoy this first episode of Bananas. Bananas. Today on Bananas, man walking oddly found to have 21 live pigeons in pants. Yeah, that's Bananas. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Bananas, the podcast. You can, you can laugh, Kristen. You're allowed to laugh.

You can laugh, Kristen. It's a comedy. This is Kurt Brownler. That's Scotty Landis. This is our first episode ever. And we have with us, my name's Kristen Shaw, but I really just want you two to build up the show together as a team before you bring me in since it's your show. Not mine.

You're so upset. You have so many shows. I figure you're too busy. You had to come. That's true. I saw your billboard today for my spy. I saw your name up there on Hollywood Boulevard. That's right.

That's right. There. And name above the title. Yes. Name above the title. Top billing. Next to the nine year old. That's the first one.

That's your first name above title, isn't it? Maybe. It's a very big deal. Congratulations. Well, thank you very much. You got it. Maybe we'll all go see it. Let's go see it together.

I'm going to see it at least twice. We saw Ma on the theater. Yeah. Were you there? You were there. I saw it at the premiere. Oh, you got invited to the premiere. Yeah.

Let's go to the premiere of this. Yeah. I don't think there's going to be one. Oh, no. I don't think there's going to be one. Yeah. That's a fun movie. On that level.

I'm having a premiere. I mean it. I've been asking a few times. I don't think it's getting a premiere. Well. I don't know why. It's good. I've seen it.

Wait, wait. What's the name of the movie so everyone knows to go see it? Oh, sorry. It's called My Spy. It comes out March 13th. When does this podcast come out? April 21st. Yeah.

Maybe it'll still be in theaters. It probably will. It probably will. That's how it works these days. Movies just last and last and last. It's a real easy landscape right now for movies. But it's good. It's good.

I liked it. Oh, good. Well, Kristen. Kristen has known Scotty and I for many, many years. You and I have been doing a show together for 15 years. Right. 15 years on Monday. I know.

And your birthday is on Saturday. My birthday is on Saturday as well. What do you want for your birthday? Where's my present? You didn't give me my birthday present yet. It's very difficult to make. I'm still working on making your present. It's kombucha.

And it's delicious. But it's got alcohol. And it's booze, kombucha. Well, okay, because I haven't gotten you anything and then if you got me a level of a gift that I would have to match. Well, wait until I give you the level of the gift and then you'll have to match it. Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah.

So yeah, so just so, I mean, this is going to be, we're going to get to our strange and wonderful news. But before we do, just so people know how Kristen knows Scotty and I, Scotty, how did you come into our lives? I was working on a TV show called Stella. I was in the sound department and an actress named Andrea Rosen said, you have to come to the show. It's called Hot Tub.

And it was one of your first five hot tubs, maybe? That we performed to maybe 30 people. And I sat in the front row and I thought you guys were so good. I actually went up and introduced myself to Kristen. And she thought I was a homosexual because I was there with another friend and we were very positive. I assume everybody's gay. Yeah.

Yeah, everyone assumes everybody's straight. I'm only surprised when I find out they're straight. Yep. As you should be. Thought about that. I got on the F train, rode it to Coney Island, rode it back out to Queens. I had a long night of just self-reflection and I said, I want to work with these two. And then I was working for Red Bull and Kurt was hired to teach improv to Salesforce.

That is the weirdest job I've ever had. Yeah. And so he did. And I was like, you're that guy from that show. And then I think I just attended probably like, I don't know, five years of hot tubs in a row. We were our biggest fans. And that's that.

And then, you know. And you would write sketches that we would do. Yeah, that was nice. You guys just... Scott is a writer. Scott is a writer. He wrote the movie Ma. I did.

Yeah. And many more movies that are about to come out. That's fun. I wrote on the workaholics. Geez, yes. Like, for how many years? Four years on workaholics. And you're sort of Adam Devine's best man and you think you'll be his best man at his

wedding. I won't be his best man at his wedding. But he definitely is in a troupe of three good buddies of his. I would call it four with Scottie and I would think that Scottie has his back more than they do. Wow. Do you hear that? Do you hear that?

I am the person that gets invited to weddings because people just know I'm going to dance and drink and have fun. And I think that everybody's like, he's coming. I think there's no doubt. I don't need any honors. I don't need to be in the wedding. I don't need to be an usher. It's just like, oh, he's coming.

He is always the first person to respond to an invite saying, I'll be there. Yeah. That's not a question and Adam Devine's not like, oh, he won't come unless I make him my best man. But I just think if he doesn't, you should be like, insulted to your core. Yeah. I've always started to put some feelers out for Blake to see if he needs a movie writer or a TV writer.

Move on. Yeah. Anyway, Scottie, that being said, the reason that Adam Devine doesn't deserve you, of course he does. If you're not his best man, is that you are a very loyal, wonderful friend. That's nice. Thank you. Scottie is one of those people who can be super busy and you're super busy, but he'll

always reach out to hang out. That's true. I remember when my mom was sick. Scottie sent her not one, not two, but three cards in the mail that were all very funny and she enjoyed them. That's nice. And I also sent your mom stuff. I think you did.

She sent a big thing of food and it was delicious. It was very helpful. Did she like it? Did Barbara say anything about the food? She couldn't eat at that point. What? Yeah, she couldn't eat. A little late on the food.

A little late. Maybe not the best choice. If you could have gotten to her when she could still eat, that would have been a great idea. Yeah, but you were a little late. Yeah, a little late. But you know, she... Yeah, too bad, but... But the orderlies loved it.

The hospice nurses couldn't get enough. Great choice. Watermelon roll from Friendly is very funny. When my next mom dies, I hope you'll be more on the bar. You better not be talking about Gretchen. Oh my God, no, I am not. I'm talking about an imaginary mom that doesn't exist. Okay.

Yes, no, I'm not talking about... I can't lose her. No. Oh God, I can't believe... Including myself. Including myself. Take that part out of the pod. Check it out. I'm in a pod drill. What is wrong with you?

Snip. Snip. Yeah, what is wrong with you, Kurt? So, you know, Scotty brought... We still haven't gotten to what this podcast is about, but... Scotty brought a bottle of moa, and would you do the... Sure, I brought a little moa champagne to Kristen this. To Kristen this. To Kristen this.

Thanks for doing our first episode. I mean, it's just like a reason to get to talk to my friends. I know, right? It's so great. And to talk about weird news. While he does that, I'm going to tell you this story about a man walking oddly found to have 21 live pigeons in his pants. First and foremost takes place... Oh, this is from the Los Angeles Times.

There we go. And it is not credited to a writer, so it must just be staff. It's an Associated Press article. There we go. This is, of course, in Baltimore. Police officer stopped a man who was walking oddly down the street with bulging pants and found that he had 21 live homing pigeons stuffed in his clothes. Thomas Waddell, 25, was charged Tuesday with stealing 30 homing pigeons, valued at $300

from a neighbor, John Styron. He was also charged with stealing 40 homing pigeons worth $2,400 late Monday from a different guy. He's just going around stealing pigeons. And putting them in his pants. And putting them in his pants. I have two connections to this story. One, I went to the Magic Castle once and I saw a magician on the main stage who came

out and he was doing his act and everything and his big reveal involved birds. But during the show, you could just see pigeons poking out through his shirt and they just kept moving around. At first, I was like, what's wrong with his body? And then finally, a beak would come through just between two buttons on his dress-up shirt. And I just started feeling so bad, not only for him, but also for the pigeons and also for magic in general.

And then finally, he did his big reveal and like literally 10 or 15 pigeons, he kept producing them from different places. But they were all just in his clothes for like a 45 minute long show. Like just pecking him and walking around. It was, it made me feel bad for the, oh, cheers by the way. Cheers, we're going to do a quick cheers. There we go. We did it.

Champagne. Two bananas. Two bananas at 2.30 p.m. And what you want to do is drink champagne, the bubbliest, most carbonated of champagne. Right before your... And just constantly belch at each other in a small room surrounded by nice people who wish... This is my favorite time to have a drink.

There we go. There it is. Because you like... I like to have a drink at the afternoon and I like to go to bed early. Uh, yep, parent life. And then the other part of the connection that I have to this story is from living in Baltimore. Just the weirdest city I think across the country.

Yes. It's a... We've talked about this too because I'm from Maryland and when we were in high school we would ride our bikes through the city and get chased constantly. It's amazing, our parents let us do it. And the things people would yell at you were never like, give me money, I'm going to kill you, anything like that. They would say the most confusing things and there's always math involved.

Like they'll go, hey man, can I talk to you for 12 minutes and then you'll be like, no, and you'll start riding away and they go, listen, I need 45 cents. I got to go six blocks down the street. I already have $3.16. What I need is... And they start listing numbers and it's the most confusing thing. It'll be like, I think you told me once a guy was like, go take 100 steps or something. No, no, no.

This guy... Well, that was when I got mugged in Baltimore. But no. I remember once... It was... And I don't know why this is a thing but it is, there's always like math involved. A guy came up to me and was like, this is... Here's the deal.

I left my car park three blocks away. Already math. It is... In the trunk of it is a vacuum cleaner that I'm going to sell for $25. Math. However, I need to like take a bus to the place where I can sell the things. So once I sell it, I'll have $28 and it just kept ratcheting up but it was all involved like an enterprising amount of capitalism of involved with like selling this vacuum

cleaner but his child but his like daughter was sitting in the car and so he couldn't leave the car even though he had walked three blocks away from the car already and he just need... At the whole point but you're there for like 10 full minutes before you're like, what... What is... What are we doing? Yeah. It's like some Darren Brown stuff.

It's like he's doing mentalist things to you and you're like, I guess I'd rather just give this person $5 than ever hear another number again for the rest of my life. But also you've seen the Magic Castle. I went and saw... They have... I don't know, it's like the main member club of magicians in the world. I don't think there's anything else like that one in LA. Kristen is a member.

That's up for debate. Really? There was one drunk visit where... Very drunk visit. Yeah. And as we were leaving the daughter of the owners, so I guess she's the owner, was like, you're a member. But then...

You've never tested it. You've never tested it. I'm pretty sure it's not real. That was the time I swallowed a quarter to impress someone. I did a quote-unquote magic trick where I threw a quarter in my mouth and then I was like, it's gone. And then Kristen was like, did you just swallow that quarter? And I said, no for a long time.

And then you're like, well, where did it go? And then I was like, I swallowed the quarter. And did not win any friends. Did not win any friends. It was... I was trying to impress a comedian who I wish were still not friends. Let's say who it is. It was Brad Neely.

Brad Neely would be so endeared. Yeah. Brad Neely, who makes very funny things. I find magic, like at the magic castle, when it's really dramatic, I cannot stop laughing. There is one guy, and he is the best at birds, relating this back to the story, and he comes out dressed like Morpheus, and he's got leather jacket and like this thing, and his music's very house and trance and like really heavy bass music, and he just produces so many birds and so many different types of birds that I was laughing nonstop.

It was like, because magic, I guess it's similar to art or comedy, where you look ahead and you go, I want this visual to happen, and I have to manufacture, I have to trick people into it. Yeah. So he was picturing himself pulling these birds out of just various places on his body. And in his mind, he's like, yes, I can figure this out. I just need the birds. And now he's number one in the world.

Is he the number one magician? The number one bird guy. Oh, he's the number one bird magician. Wow, man, I love that there's bird magicians. Like that's a specific thing. Imagine if there was bird comedy, and you're like the number one bird comedian, only jokes about birds. Not a bad idea.

You could totally corner that market, you could write bird jokes right now. I have so many already. Well, Jim Gaffigan kind of did that with cake? Yes, and bacon. Or bacon. Yeah, bacon was his main thing. Yeah, hot pockets. It was mostly food.

Hot pockets. Oh, it's hot pockets, yes. It's very funny. Do you want to hear a story? I do. This is a real story. This is according to WCGB, which is out of Florida. Oh, that's a surprise.

Yeah. It's funny because we are, Curt and I, even discussing bananas, we were like, we can't just do Florida stories, and we're discovering that other states are starting to catch up, like Michigan's really good, Louisiana's always wild, Mississippi's always wild. This one kind of, this is a good one. So police in Florida are investigating a gruesome discovery of jars of tongues in a crawl space in a home. I'm sure they're just cow's tongues.

Thank you. These are human tongues. Oh my God. And they are owned by a guy named Ronald Bogman, and he is... That sounds like such a guy who would have tongues in his house. Yes. So he's in Gainesville. I'm Mr. Bogman.

Yes, and you're like, okay, Ronald. You're like, Ron, Ronnie. So he was a researcher at the University of Florida, and some of the jars date back to the 1960s. So they're looking into the tongues because for basically the last two decades, he's been bringing these tongues home as part of his research. From cadavers. Yes.

Or yes, from cadavers, we hope. But he is currently a professor at the University, but they don't know why this guy is stashing them in the crawl space above in his home. That's... Wow. How many? How many? Let me look up.

I believe it was 20. I'm trying to learn how to speak in tongues. Thank you. Thank you. She's the number one tongue comic in the world. How did they find out about it? Did someone hear some licking coming from up above? Thank you.

Okay. Okay. That's just a taste of the comedy that's going to have over there in us. One, two, three. He was expanding his palate. Okay. I love having fun with my buds. Oh.

I don't know, but it's trying to look and see what it is. But this guy's like a really... I think he's just stashing them. I think that he just collects them and probably doesn't want to creep out people that come over to his house, but it is very strange. Yeah. I mean, he might just take them all down when he's alone and kind of like put them around him and just be like, you know, now I got a bunch of tongues.

Is he in trouble? Is he in trouble for it? That's a great question. Is it illegal to take a tongue from a cadaver? Well, it's not his personal problem. It's not your tongue. Right. It's not your personality.

When I got my teeth knocked out, I wanted to keep my teeth. Tell us about that story. How'd you get them knocked out, Kristen? I like wine and I went up to a wine country and I wanted to be safer into the bike. And then I fell off it. Right onto your face. Just didn't put your hands out. And where's your helmet?

Didn't put your hands out. But I broke the fall with my face and when I opened my eyes and pulled blood in three teeth, it doesn't matter, but I wanted to keep those teeth. Sure. Yeah. And the dentist said I couldn't because it's like basically like a cadaver part of this. Like it belongs to the state. Oh, weird.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't know that. Your teeth immediately belong to the state once they hit the pavement? I don't know. That doesn't seem. I don't like this theory. Sounds like this guy wanted to keep your fucking teeth in a jar above his bed in a cross space.

Yeah. That's weird. I don't know at all that it becomes part of the state. I don't know. That is really strange. But this dude's got your teeth somewhere. Yeah. This dude's got your teeth also.

I think he threw them away at this point. You think so? Maybe. Oh, no. We don't need to. Oh, you know what? We should ebay Kristen Shaw teeth. Well, here's the thing because you could grind up those teeth and use them as bone density

for other injuries. That's nice. No, no, no. I'm going back to tongue. So. Yeah, back to tongue. Yeah. But I remember when you had that and then you got three, before you got like your permanence

in, you had just this thing where you could just remove all three of your front teeth. It was the best. Yeah. My flipper. It was so funny. It was fun. And I was about to shoot and I shot two, three, two or three episodes of Last Man on Earth before I got my permanent teeth.

So I was working with that and I, I showed Will and I was like, I think we should put this in. Yeah. Like before. You have to get your real teeth in. And Phil make love. She's like one, one more thing and she pops them out and that's, that's what his life is.

But. Didn't make it. Yeah. I didn't see that. So. I didn't see it either. It was funny because you, at first, when you showed me that I was like, Kristen looks like white trash, which I never thought.

And then I was hanging out for another half hour and I was like, no, she looks like a four year old. It looked like a kid without, it was so fun to watch you drinking at that. And I was like, look at this toddler getting drunk. If that's the thing, it gives you instant youth. Yes. So if I feel myself getting old, I'm going to get these implants out. Yeah.

Yeah. Just get them removed. They can unscrew them, right? Yeah. You can get them out. That's what Ed Holmes did for the hangover. Oh, really? I think there's a, one of the movies he's missing a tooth.

Yes. Hangover. He just unscrewed his, his implant. Oh, really? Yeah. That's like legit. I always thought that that was, you know, an effect. No.

Oh, wow. For all you TV, or movie, aspiring actors, producers, I'm, I'm, I can take out my teeth if you need me to. So that's one more. If you want a real weird look, we can give it to you. I can do it for pretty cheap. You don't have to get there early to make up, chair, or anything. Yeah.

Kristen, do you want another story? Yes, please. All right. Well, oh, but going back to the, to the, um, tongue guy. Yeah. So is he under arrest or like? I think he was under arrest. Yeah, so there is an investigation into why he has these tongues.

But they don't know yet. They don't know. And when they find out, I mean, I thought you were going to launch into a different crawl space, uh, story when I saw this one. Oh, yeah. Oh, explain about the pies. Uh-huh. I thought for sure, but.

I mean, should I tell the story? Do you want me to tell the story? I mean, I'm not. This is the first one. I think you kind of bring out the hits so people will want to listen to the second one. All right. So I discovered masturbation when I was 12 years old. Of course.

That's late. Is it late? I was whacking off at least four. You are the most creative masturbator I have ever heard of in my entire life. You would tell me about hour long jerk off trips that you would go on in your bedroom. I was always fascinated. Yeah. You really go there.

She has a great imagination. You have an amazing. Well, it's relaxing. It's real. And if you have a vibrator, it's just like there's not a lot of work involved. Yeah. It's just there. I've got a good vibrator.

Yeah, I do. We do. Cool. Well, yeah. 12 years old. And also. What? You have a question?

I don't have one. I'm listening to your story. I'm surprised that you started masturbating earlier than 12, especially Colorado on a farm and everything. No, I think girls discover their bodies earlier. You think so? I know so. Oh.

Thank you. You know some. But that's another story. That's another story. I discovered it's a long story, and I'll shorten it as much as I can. I discovered masturbation all right at age 12 while eating McDonald's apple pie and taking a shit. What?

That is part of the story. You asked for this story and now you're going to shame body. Shame. It's not body shame. It's it's it's eating shame. It's it. Well, that was a classy move on my part. You had to take a shit, but you didn't want to stop eating your McDonald's.

I polished off some sweet McAddes and then retired to the commode with just a hot steaming hot apple pie. Why wouldn't you just take a minute to take your poop and then enjoy your pie without the poop fumes coming up mixing with that with the cherry? I don't know. I was 12. I was in a rush. Yeah.

What were you in a rush for? I don't know, but I mean maybe television was starting soon. Okay. Well, so anyway, and also I was like 12. I didn't know. I knew like what sex. I knew that sex was a thing, but I didn't know what it was. You know, I'd recently just found my uncle's playboys and cut just the breasts out of every

photograph. Yeah, normal. And then tape them to my wall underneath the poster that was a photograph of myself at age five that said wanted dead or alive. And then I would charge children in the neighborhood a quarter to stare at this sea of disembodied breasts, realizing early on that breasts without women are very disturbing. Yeah. A quarter?

A quarter, yes. Yeah, you wanted to make some money. Yeah. I mean like it was kid time, you know, so it was like, what are these 12 year olds have access to? I guess it's a quarter. And so then, yeah, so I was taking a shit and I was eating this pie. I mean, that's like people take a shit now and look at their iPhones, but you ate pies.

I was eating pies and it was just like a sleeve of pie, you know? Similar shape. Yeah, similar shape and, you know, embarrassing enough, like just the whole I get it out but put it in. I was, it was essentially making my body like a reverse human straw, really. And then I got a boner as you want to do when you're 12. And eating and shitting. Boners always.

Do you get a boner while you're taking a poop? I guess so when I was 12 because like boners just, you know, they show up unexpected when you're 12. Yeah. And I was like, I haven't eaten pies yet, no, I'm still sticking around, you know? And so then that was like the Eureka moment where I just flipped the pie upside down and stuck my dick in it. And it was a bit too hot at first.

I did burn the tip of my penis a little bit, but it felt too good. I kept going. And here's where it gets weird, Kristen. Well, it was weird for me too. Oh, really? Totally normal. Okay. 100% normal.

For the next six months, I thought this was the only way you could masturbate. So I became obsessed with going to McDonald's. I would always be like, no, mom, we have got to go to McDonald's today. And then I went run upstairs, jerk off into these pies and then throw their corpses into the eaves of my attic where I'm sure they're still there to this day because that was filled with preservatives. I mean, so many. And we sold that house like 20 years ago.

Yeah. So that family has a real weird raccoon problem now. Raccoon, Kurt Offsprings. And on that story, let's take a break. Yeah, let's take a break. For what? For ads or just music. Oh, you guys think you're going to get ads?

Ha ha ha! And we're back. Kristen, you want to hear a story? Oh, absolutely. I love stories. Duck. This is from the New York Post.

This is Duck Has Traumatized. Duck Has Traumatized Penis Removed After Non-Stop Sex. Okay. I'm in. This is a UK based duck who was forced to have his penis surgically removed after it became infected due to his insatiable sex drive. The duck's name is Dave. Sure.

Dave's owner, Josh Watson of Tor-K, Tor-Ki, Devon, what's Tor-Ki? Tor-K? I don't know. I don't know. It's a place in the UK. This is Tor-K. Yeah, in the UK. Tor-Ki.

Tor-K. Tor-K. Said his nymphomaniac pet would mate with his female companions, Dora Edith and Freda between five and ten times a day, even when it wasn't mating season. And it got to the point where his threesome partners would wander off during sex and even peck at his pecker to ward off unwanted advances. This guy. Ultimately, the horny Drake.

Time's up. AKA. Don't keep him alive. No, duck. Oh, no. He's still alive. That's the weirdest part. That's the weirdest part is that they just decided to cut this duck's dick off instead

of just killing the duck. Which is torture. That's torture. That's torture. And also, they're like, duck's dicks are weird. They're like that corkscrew shape. Yeah. Remember?

I do remember from my time watching duck's fuck. Yeah. Look at that. Who wants wine, you know, let's get into it. But I mean, I mean, it's fine. It's also, I mean, I think that they said like all duck, all duck sex is like incredibly inherently violent as well because of the corkscrew shape of the penis. So maybe cut all the duck's dicks off.

I don't know. Oh, well, he said it, not me, Peter. Yeah. I said, give him a second one. I'm pro sex, pro forward, pro everything. That's my, I had a boss that had a duck as a pet. He had a dog and a duck and at the Christmas party. Get a duck?

Wait, a duck like in an apartment? Well, no, it's a house. And he had like a backyard and they had like a little koi pond and I lived in Maryland and I was over there and I was like, oh, he has a duck in his yard. He's like, yeah, we found the egg and we raided, we incubated it and this duck hatched. We thought it was a swan or something and it was just like a mallard. I mean, like, wait, what job is this because he's your boss? What job?

He owned a chain of bike shops called Bike Doctor. They're probably like seven or more and he was the main dude. He was the original founder and then he franchised him out and so I was 16 and I was excited to party and it was all adults and then I saw a duck and a dog that were like best friends in the backyard. Oh, wow. And I thought this was great. And they're like, yeah, they're like friends.

They hang out. And then I went back there for a spring party and I'm like, where's the duck? And they're like, oh, the dog killed the duck and ate it. And I was like, yeah, this was coming. Like we should have seen this coming. It was a problem, but great spring girls. I love that guy, I love, like, just imagine finding an egg and then going to, I'm going to keep this egg warm just to find out what's inside of it.

Yeah, that's fun. He could have just been heating up an egg that you could eat. It could have been a dinosaur in there, exactly. I think there's a mail order company in this. I think we should start mailing. Just eggs. You can order random egg. You don't know what it is.

$10 and then you send you a little blanket and a little red light and you just incubate it and then you have to raise whatever comes out. Little snake. People love, people love surprises of live animals. hummingbirds. Yeah. Kristen and I, Kristen would have done that. You would have done that if you were 12, if you could just order an egg and raise it.

Oh, 100%. I think we, we would, chicks would, we'd watch chicks be born under a warm light for like a science experiment in school maybe. Yeah. I remember that. It puts kinder surprise to shame. This is a real surprise. This is a real egg surprise.

I'm going to look into it. Remember when we used to, when we started Hot Tub, we had animal races every, every, every show. We would race a different animal. Do you remember the animals that we got? Crod, Croftads. We had crawdads. We had sandworms.

Yeah. They were insects mostly. Cockroaches. I think we had, oh, we had hermit crabs. Hermit crabs. They were all exoskeletons. Yeah. I don't think we got any real, real mammals.

No. But then I think the, the sandworms escaped and I think they still live in the theater there. Oh, is it even a theater? Oh, I don't know. Do you want to go back to the garment district? It might be. Who knows?

We don't know. Yeah. It's got to give us a story. It's got to. Okay. This one is kind of dark, but kind of amazing. These haven't been dark yet. No, they are.

We're taking a turn. Oh yeah. The tongue thing was not dark at all. Yeah. The tongue thing was joyous. Okay. So this is from the South China Morning Post. A virtual reality reunites mother with dead daughter, bringing tears, but also helping

her let go of a child she missed so dearly. Slow down. What? So in South Korea, yes, it's like Black Mirror. And I watched the video. It's on YouTube. You can watch. You can watch this woman interact with her dead daughter who died when she was seven

years old. Correct. So it's in. What does the company do? How does the company do it? Well, is it like when they brought Tupac back? What are those? Hologram.

Hologram? Yeah. Her daughter was Tupac. That's the twist. And so she had the craziest reunion ever. She got around. So the South Korea documentary company made a documentary called Meeting You and it was like it's experimental.

It was like the first time they're doing this and they think it's going to be this huge revolutionary thing where people can talk to people that are not only like overseas or far away, but also to dead relatives. And they do it by doing, they take actual photographs and turn it in. They basically generate her and use audio recordings. And so it sounds and looks like your child or your parent or whoever passes away. And when they generate them on a computer? Yes.

And so the video. No, they do it with clay. They do it with clay. They do it with claymation. It takes such a long time to have a conversation. The hug I watched was four days. But so this daughter who is seven years old passed away from an incurable disease. Like disease.

It just says incurable disease. Don't you know incurable disease? Yeah, you know incurable disease. And they like, the video is crazy. And so you can talk and it interacts with you. It has like an AI element too. And it's just like, she loved it. But the conversation was like, the mother's like, I miss you.

And the daughter's like, I miss you too. And it's like, where have you been, mommy? Do you think about me? It's like, I do all the time. And this woman, who's wearing a VR headset, is standing in a green screen room. The daughter comes out from behind like trees and a rocks. And she just talks to it the entire. It's crazy.

They had a virtual birthday cake for her 10th birthday. Oh my God. So this is obviously very troubling and disturbing, but also it's happening. And it's been, so like now this is going to become an option. It's very black mirror. Well, what, what did the, did they get a chance to interview the mother? Like, what's her reaction to it all? Did she feel closure?

Did she feel good? She felt good. She said it was a real paradise. That was her quote. And that it was like, three years later, I felt sick, but now I can confidently feel like basically it was like closure. I honestly, I can see this going down the route of in minority report, Tom Cruise, where he gets high off his little, whatever they are, like a little inhalers and then just

watches old videos, like holographic videos of his son. You could like get like, cause I think about it all the time of like how it would feel if one of my children died. And it would be like, you would, you would just like go down to a universe of just living there. You know, we just want to live there. No. It would be like, you know, you could totally just lose like never.

Never leave that VR area. It's so upsetting. It was. I brought it up because I know you like sci-fi so much in that story, but it's pretty wild. And also as the AI gets better, like right now we had, we just, we had hired a data scientist to write an algorithm for us that will write jokes and we're doing, trying to create the first AI comedian called Jokatron and I take them out on stage and we do jokes together. Obviously.

But the, so I've been like looking a lot into AI and like where they are with like predictive text and stuff like that is pretty crazy. Like you could have a facsimile of someone relatively easy, just with the tech that exists now. Yeah. It's a problem. I would say this is a problem. Is it a problem?

I mean, like I think it's just going to be something that happens. Yeah. It's a reality. That's the other thing. I did the Oculus thing and I did like, they did a demo for like creators and writers and I was, they were like, which one do you want to do? And I was like, I'll do the hot air balloon in Bali. And then I'm looking 360 degrees.

I'm in a hot air balloon. You can see the other people there. You can't see where the camera is. And then I did like a train ride on the Darling Limla did or whatever it's called. And I was like, oh, no, I don't need to go and do that because it was crazy. Like walking around and being like, oh, I'm on this train. It felt so real that I canceled my flight. Yeah.

No, I've done VR too once and it is pretty incredible, but not necessarily as addictive as I thought. And I think that's what they're discovering too. Like there is something about, like it's okay to go away a little bit through a movie or even 3D is not as big as it was anymore. I know video games, you have more control and that is VR, but I don't know. I feel like that story is interesting, but also, you know, that costs money. Sure.

Oh yeah. You're going to have to be able to get that recreate. So that's like a, that's going to be a situation for rich, richer people. Yes. And I think there's going to be other people are going to choose the option of just trusting their own memories and moving forward because I think it would be too painful for some. Definitely. I wouldn't do it.

It sounds going insane. Yeah. I know it sounds incredibly painful and it sounds like, like living in the past. And not living with the person. Like I don't think that really honors what the person that you're, it's not what the person would necessarily do. So that's not the person. I also just, it just brings up so many things of like the things that we are going to have

to deal with, with our children. Like when they're 17 or 16 and the tech that they're interacting with is stuff like issues that we can't even imagine right now. That's true. And this would, this is like a problem that I wouldn't have been able to imagine that someone just like gets trapped in a VR reality because of an emotional attachment to an AI essentially. I know it's going to, now that's going to be a real problem.

Have you guys gone to a 4DX theater yet and gotten sprayed in the face with water? No. Oh, you gotta go. Have you? Oh my gosh. Where is that place? Downtown Regal Cinema. I went and saw the Meg.

Incredible experience. Oh my God. You sit in seats that move left and right up and down. They have fans. So when helicopters take off, you get blown in the face. And then on the arm rest, they have a button that says water on or water off. And the water on, whenever the shark jumps out or somebody dives in the water, it sprays you in the face with water.

When they do a tracking shot over a beach, it's smell, they pump in the smell of copper tone. No. You gotta go. And then when people get in a fistfight or being chomped alive by a giant megalodon, it punches you in the back. It has little like punching things. So at its best, you're on a boat, you're getting wind and water sprayed at you.

Jason Statham gets in a fight, you're getting punched in the back and then the Meg jumps out of the water. I cannot recommend it enough. I went and saw Bad Boys for Life in it. I'm going to go see my spy with it. I only go see the creme de la creme at, I highlight it's 20 bucks or 25 bucks and it is so fun. My friend, Mike Lovato took a, he didn't know what it was and he went in with his wife

and they had a pint of beer and a glass of red wine and the movie started and just threw their alcohol in the air and soaked them. It is the dumbest, most fun way to, you have to go. We'll go next time. Let's go together. Let's go. It'll be a thruple. But also think about the new job that that created where there's a guy who's like, okay,

this splash is like a 5% splash and then like adjusts like how much splash you get for the visual image. Now this way it's going to be lower kidney punch and then shake, shake and then one more lower kidney punch. That's right. Like has to do that for an entire move. We're going to blow them. We're going to squirt them.

We're going to punch them in the guts and they're like, this sounds pretty good. I mean, that should be the selling point of it like Disneyland meets the movie. Yeah. It's like that Muppet 3D thing that used to be at MGM, but it's just any movie and it does feel a little rushed Kurt's point. It feels like the guy that did it was like the senior intern, not the new intern and it's just they just take you through hell. $25 regal cinema downtown.

Let's go. You got one more for me. I got one more. Kristen, you want one more? I love this. This is right. I love this podcast. This is right up your alley.

This is from Fox News and this is by Kathleen Joyce. Mississippi community left confused after bowls of mashed potatoes mysteriously keep appearing. Oh my gosh. My favorite story yet. I love mashed potatoes. You know me. I know you love mashed potatoes and I think you love mysterious mashed potatoes.

I did. I didn't know. I did tell now. This is my favorite one so far. So literally they've just been finding bowls, this town, this whole town has been finding bowls of mashed potato like on their car, like to come out in the morning. I walked outside yesterday morning at 7am, got my car and that's why I noticed white bowl on my windshield.

There's another one that was just inside someone's mailbox, just a thing of mashed potatoes inside a mailbox. Okay. No, just real quick. When you say just a thing, have they been eaten, are they untouched, are they presented with gravy? It was not immediately clear if anyone has eaten the potatoes. So no, the potatoes are not eaten, it's a fresh bowl of mashed potatoes.

I could see someone just like, oh I'm done with these mashed potatoes and just leaving them all over town. All over town, constantly walking around with a bowl of mashed potatoes and finishing them and leaving the bowl. I tried to solve the puzzle too. Please. Yeah. Like, let's not condescend.

Oh, I'm so, no, no, of course. I mean that just means that you've definitely walked around with a bowl of mashed potatoes, finishing them and just been gotten rid of the bowl. It's just the Mississippi free spirit. Okay, so. I love this one. So that's the story. That is the whole story.

How many mashed potatoes? It says, let's see. You said hundreds? I mean that would be amazing. No, I bet you it's probably around a dozen or so. Two. Yeah. Down two.

It's either like, those things are either mental illness where somebody's doing something where they are, they're doing something that we don't know the story and they're just doing this for a reason or in Mississippi there are performance artists that are way ahead of what we're doing and they're like conceptually doing things that we love and then at its best they never reveal themselves. This stops at some point. Maybe in 10 years they start up again for a moment. I mean.

I love cereal mashed potatoes. I love, I mean it's so much better than a cereal shitter. Do you know what I mean? Somebody's like shitting on people's cars. That happens a lot too. It happens so much. There was one in Denver. Do you remember that?

That one really took off. That woman who would always, she jogged and shat on people's lawns and then ran away. I had jogging the other day after drinking all day and there was, I was like, remembered like Rob Delaney telling a story, how he pulled over and took a shit on a jog and I was like, yeah, I need to take a shit right here. Did you? Of course not because I'm a lady. I've done it.

I've done it. Oh, have you? Yeah, yeah, in the woods. In the woods, in New Jersey, in the woods in New Jersey, I ran into the woods and I leaned up against a tree and I took a shit. That's fun. And I had paper towels in my pocket so. The whole thing to jog with, I'm always jogging with paper towels in my pocket.

Why did you have paper towels in your pocket? I always have paper towels in my pocket at all times because just to blow my nose, you know, it's like a terrible version of a handkerchief. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, it's hard, it's gross, it's disgusting. It hurts like hell. It hurts like hell. Yeah, you do it once and you're like, I need to get Claritin pronto.

I should have just got it. I should just have a handkerchief but no, I don't. I have always. You're sort of that kind of guy. I can't believe you don't have a handkerchief. I know, thank you. I feel like I've seen you at the handkerchief. I used to have a handkerchief, yeah, but they do get gross as well.

You know, you have to wash your handkerchiefs, you have to have a lot of handkerchiefs of your handkerchief guys. Yeah, of course you have to wash your handkerchiefs. If you're chiefin' it up. New York's tough for laundry too. That's a tough place to do laundry so I can understand why you abandoned it there. Out here when you have it in your house, you're good, you're good to go. You're right, I should get a bunch of very nice handkerchiefs.

With your initial monogram, birthday, birthday, birthday, we're gonna get it for you. That's actually something we could, that'd be great merch. I would love it. Little bananas handkerchiefs. Yeah. Do you say handkerchiefs? Look at how excited Scotty got. Yeah.

He loves merch. He loves merch. He loves merch, yeah. Yeah, but I give my merch away. I don't, you know, I'm not, I'm not in it for the money guys, I'm in it for the experience. Oh, do people know about your mudflap thing? Maryland mudflap. Probably the 30 to 50 people that really enjoy this podcast are very well aware that I give

out a lot of beer koozies and some, you know, scarves and t-shirts and everything. And swimsuits. Swimsuits, yeah, those are, those are for sale because I give that money to Planned Parenthood. So yeah. Very cool. Yeah. Do you have one more story for me?

Follow, follow Maryland mudflap. On Twitter. Yeah, on Twitter. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Home of the tweets. And follow Kurt Brown-Oler. And follow K-Shaw. Don't tell him.

This one I think is relatable. This one's not as dark as my last Talking to Your Dead Daughter one. Okay. Okay. According to CNN, an Uber driver in Virginia has been charged with two counts of abduction, reckless driving, felony hit and run, and kidnapping, which I guess is probably also the abduction. So I won't name this gentleman's name because I don't know if he's guilty or not, but John

Murray and his wife, I'm just kidding, husband and wife couple were on a rare date night. They, after dinner, they used the, there we go, great movie. They use Uber, like we all do, to get home. They thought it was the end of a routine night. They get in this car and a few blocks later, they were rear-ended by another driver. Their driver stopped and the car takes off. So their Uber driver starts chasing them. This live streamed on Facebook.

The initial accident happened. The husband that was on the date starts filming and in the video, it's all very calm and they're just like, oh my gosh, like what do we need to do? The wife calls 911 and then all of a sudden their driver just takes off, locks the doors and takes off and starts speeding after the hit and run. So over the next four and a half minutes, they have live streaming on Facebook, the video of their driver where they're yelling, stop, pull over, don't let us out, let us out. And then he finally goes, the father and mother go, we have four kids, we can't be driving

like this. Totally gets ignored. And he's like, I cannot let him get away with this. So the Uber driver takes someone's crazy chase halfway through this chase while they're like, pull over, pull over, pull over. And the wife is on with 911 and the operator is going, pull over, sir, do not chase this person, do not chase this person. They get hit by another car.

Now. So after they get hit, you hear the impact, you see the video, the apparently, everybody's relatively okay. They all got bruises, but nobody got seriously hurt. The Uber driver takes off again and starts chasing the initial driver even after the second accident. So then he's, now he's a runner. Now he's leaving the scene of an accident.

Yeah. Well, yeah, twice essentially. And so if you, well, the first time he also, it was still the scene, right? He should have stayed. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, they can hear the impact in the video. They're screaming, the 911 operators is like yelling, let them out, like let them out

of the car. And eventually the driver, they're yelling on him so much he pulls over and they get out. But it always live streamed on Facebook. Oh wow. I want to see that video. Have you ever been, have you ever been in an accident in Uber or a taxi? No. I feel like comedians have a lot of these stories now.

Like I feel like comedians on the road are taking lots of Ubers and Lyfts and now like those stories. I'm starting to see more and more. When you started telling me that story, I thought you were just doing the premise for Camille Nonjiani and Issa Rae's new movie. It is. It is viral marketing for that. It is.

Lovebirds. Lovebirds. They're so nice to read that story. Oh my God! Already spent it. That's the problem. Already spent it. I was at Boston Market yesterday and you know I liked Boston Market.

I wonder how much food you get at Boston Market for $700. That's probably like a good two... That's a good test for our listeners. All right. Take a photo. We'll put it on the website. Oh my gosh. You guys are the new Kill Garry up and hard-star.

Not even, not even like the smallest, like an eyelash, we're an eyelash. Have you been in an accident in an Uber? No, I have never been in an accident in an Uber. Yeah, the only, the last horrible thing that happened to me in a Lyft was someone tried to play me their music. You know, it's just like, I'm a musician and I was just like, oh man, I can't say I don't care.

But I seriously don't and I just tried to be in my phone and then it was like, I'll play some music and I was like, this is torture. I had one recently, like really recently and it was an older gentleman, he picks me up and from the minute I get in, I'm like, hey, sir, I'm Scotty, how are you? And he's like, fine.

And then he just starts complaining about everything. He has political radio on, but like somebody says something on the radio, he's like, de-fucking. And then he like goes and then it's like a left-hand turn. He's like, de-fucking turns and every 15 seconds, excuse me. He's like, this street, these double parkers, these pedestrians, I'm talking every 15 seconds. I was like, this guy is the least happy, angriest man

I've ever been in his car. So then we're kind of cutting through the city and like somebody, he like waves somebody across the street, he's like, go, go, go, he's screaming. Then we get to this point and there's a little dog, like a little Jack Russell on its owner and the dog is just jumping up to like, and he goes, oh, a doggy, a doggy, hi.

He rolls down the window, waves at the doggy, he goes, hi, hi, hi. And then the light turns green and he drives and is instantly like, de-fucking, de-fucking. So this guy's whole life is just pure hell. It's like truly hell on earth. And then when he sees a jumping dog, he's just like, oh my God, oh my God.

And I'm like, it was the weird, five stars obviously. Five stars. Two dollar tip. I give everybody a five star. Have you ever not given somebody a five star on an Uber? Never. Never. I'm five star all the way.

Five star all the way. There we'll ride, I'm like five stars. Yeah, I'm a lift, I'm a lift boy. I don't really Uber, I'm a lift guy. Or are there no stars on Lyft? There are. I'm five stars on Lyft, I'm four something on Uber and I feel like Uber drivers were former

like black car drivers that hate you the moment you walk out of your house. I just like it because there's less conversation on an Uber. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, I don't know.

I just don't want to talk and I feel like Uber drivers talk less. I don't know. It's probably not true. I don't know. I was going up to maybe your old house in Burbank that right when we all moved out here and the guy picks me up and he had hands on 10 and two

and he looked like that guy that was, oh gosh, it doesn't matter. But he was like an older kind of nerdier dude and he goes, sir, I will get you to your destination safely but I drive the exact speed limit. And I go, that's fine. I don't care. Then he cranks up like the song Blue Moon.

Like the 50s sort of version. Blue Moon. That version. Yeah. And when the road was 25 miles an hour, he would make it at 25, at 35, at 35. We'd get on the highway, like get on the five, whatever that is, 55 or 65.

He would get it up to that level and then exactly there, he would break if he went above it. He would speed up if he didn't and he drove the exact speed limit the entire way. That is literally what it's going to be like when cars drive themselves. You essentially were in a driverless driving. Maybe he was.

Yeah. Gosh, I gotta think of the guy I'm thinking of but please proceed, but it was wild. Oh man, Kristen. Five stars, by the way. Five stars, of course. Yeah. Kristen, do you have anything that you would like to plug

before we wrap everything up? Of course. Please. I hope that everybody votes blue and also watches Bob's Burgers. And I mean, if you want to rent my spy on DVD. Or FDX. Yeah, you can't go wrong.

It's fun for the family. Also, maybe, oh, Bill and Ted. Oh yeah, that's great. In August 21st, that'll be fun. The Hot Tub show. Every Monday night. Every Monday night. I think this Monday night will sell out

but try to come the other Monday's 15 year anniversary shows. Oh yeah, yeah. It's a heavy bill and yeah, that's it. Yeah. Guys, we have the Bananas Podcast Instagram account and Scotty has been filling it out for months, maybe for a full year, so it is chock with content. You can find some of the stories we talked about today.

It's a, I'll go to Instagram and it's called The Bananas Podcast. I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana, June, 18, 19 to 20, June. June, because this doesn't come out till April, late April. I didn't say anything. You were just remarking on the month of June? It takes her back to last summer. Scotty, anything coming up?

Nope, just thanks to Karen and Georgia. And exactly right, we're glad to be here. Yeah. Oh, why are we thinking Karen and Georgia? This is their nature. We're under their umbrella. Oh, really? Yeah.

This is their studio. This is their studio. We're in the studio of death. This is the studio that murdered Bill. Going on. What? Have their own network. They reached out and said, it's called exactly right.

And they go, Scotty, you and Kurt, specifically just you two, have something so unique. You don't need a third, no women involved, you two. And we said, we couldn't agree more. And we're so glad to have you as a first guest. And Kristen, you want to come back. First off, cut all that stuff in the middle, and where Kristen didn't know where she was.

My favorite murder. That's what all the stuff on the walls is. Steven famously. Murder, and I was like, what the hell? And I thought Georgia, I was like, murder in Georgia? Steven is literally the producer of all those episodes. Congratulations. We're never blindfolding a guest again.

We're going to prep our guests. I didn't know. No, this isn't some rinky dink. This isn't us in the back of a U-Haul truck. This is the big time. This is the pros. Everyone has a project. I just figure.

That we just have to have one. Yeah. Great. Um, you could come back whenever you want, Kristen. OK? You maybe could be. Well, just reach out, because I don't want to overstep. But if this is another excuse to hang out with my friends

like Hot Tub is. Let's do it. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers to the first episode of Bananas. Bananas. This has been an Exactly Right production. Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.

Theme song by K. Hanamati. And all of our artwork is done by Travis Millard. So please follow us on Instagram at thebananaspodcast, where we post so many more stories and make it here. And you can share with us your strange news story by DM'ing us on Instagram at thebananaspodcast. So listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bananas. Bananas.