My First Million - Why I Got Sober (for entrepreneurs)

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Sam (@theSamParr) gets real in this episode. He talks about his struggles with alcohol and the reasons why he is now sober. He shares 8 lessons he learned from his experiences. He ends the episode by answering questions he received on Twitter. --------- * Want to be featured in a future episode? Drop your question/comment/criticism/love here: https://www.mfmpod.com/p/hotline/ * Support the pod by spreading the word, become a referrer here: https://refer.fm/million * Have you joined our private Facebook group yet? Go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/ourfirstmillion and join thousands of other entrepreneurs and founders scheming up ideas. --------- Show notes: * (0:00) - Intro * (3:56) - How it started - Sam's background with alcohol * (11:24) - The first turning point [oasis] * (13:36) - Asking for help [university clinic] * (14:49) - Going to California * (17:41) - The second turning point [Joe Garvin] * (20:07) - Getting help [SF Clinic] * (23:13) - Coping while sober [eating sugar] * (24:39) - What Sam has learned * (25:46) - Lesson 1 - The inner game * (27:26) - Lesson 2 - Being open * (29:33) - Lesson 3 - Booze messes up your body * (31:16) - Lesson 4 - Sober Sam = Attractive Sam * (33:04) - Lesson 5 - Having fun while sober * (35:14) - Lesson 6 - Intense realism * (36:57) - Lesson 7 - Control your emotions, control your reality * (37:17) - Lesson 8 - Saving $$$ * (37:58) - Q&A

All right, today is a special episode. So this is going to be a video on YouTube, but also on the podcast. So if you're listening to this, you're probably on my YouTube or you are on the My First Million podcast. If you're on my YouTube, then you probably don't know me. But basically, my name's Sam Parr. I'm most popular because I started this company called The Hustle and I recently just sold it to HubSpot. It was a really big deal for me and my family. And it was a pretty good exit. It was a popular media company that I sold. So millions of people read us each day and know who we are. And I guess you can kind of say I'm a successful entrepreneur. I mean, a lot of people would say that there's people that are way more successful, obviously. But that's what I'm known for. But I'm also the host of a podcast that my company owned. And it's one of the top 10 business podcasts. And we talk about cool ideas and we're brainstormed different ideas and we have a lot of famous guests on. And it's really cool podcast. It's called My First Million. We just brainstorming to simplify it.

But today, I'm talking about something kind of strange, something kind of different. So I've been sober for about seven or eight, I think seven years this July. And I stopped drinking when I was 23 or 24. I'm about 30 now, 30 now, 31. And it's kind of weird to talk about this on a business podcast or on a business channel. but a lot of people who are focused on business or who are focused on high achievers or achieving, they have a lot of the same things that I have, which is I love to go all in on stuff. I get obsessed about things.

I can get addicted to things very easily. And those attributes are also what can be part of being an alcoholic and having substance addictions. And I had that and I overcame it. And I wanted to talk about that. And interestingly, what made me addicted to alcohol is actually what has made me a pretty successful entrepreneur and fairly successful at a lot of different things I do in life. So I've got some notes here.

So you might see me look at my notes every once in a while. But I've got a large Twitter following and I tweeted out to them that I was going to do this. And I got hundreds of messages. So with people asking questions. So I'm going to try and go through all of the questions that people answered. But I want to do today is I wanted to explain to you. how I got addicted and what that was like, but then also how I fixed it. And then six or seven things that I learned and how my life changed and what I noticed about being sober after having an alcohol

problem. So let's just start and get into it. But before I do, I do want to say, none of this is advice. So maybe I'll, I'll say things in a sort of way where it sounds like I'm giving advice, but it's really just maybe my phrasing. But I do want to say right now, I'm not giving advice. Also, I've studied this a little bit from a science perspective, but not nearly enough that I should be considered an authoritative figure on anything related to addiction, on chemical imbalance, on depression, on anxiety, trauma. I'm not an expert. Again, I might phrase some things like saying, like, well, I felt this way because of X, Y, and Z. This is really all my opinion. That's it. So I also don't think that you should give up drinking necessarily.

I don't know who you are. I think for a lot of people, drinking can be great. It can make your life better, actually. But for people like me, it made it horrible. And my life is way better now. And if you're struggling with that, then this video will help you. But again, I'm not judging you. I'm not telling you I think you should do this.

And don't even think that what I'm saying is are facts other than it's how I live my life. So I just wanted to say that because it's important that you don't put too much emphasis on this. Because I know you see this guy on YouTube or you hear me in your earphones. and for some reason you think that I have authority on this, I don't. So I started drinking when I was about 16. I grew up in Missouri and I think it's part of like Midwestern America. I would say it's part of a lot of America, but particularly in Midwest America, there's not too much to do and you just go to parties when you're in high school when you start drinking. But I grew up in like a kind of a working class, normal family, middle class family. And drinking's part of the culture, you know.

You're, um, you go to the bars on the weekends like with your family and it's, You go to soccer games and sports games and there's alcohol. And as I grew up, you go to parties when you're 16, 17, 18, and you drink. And it's just very normal, you know, like when we were younger, like fitness really wasn't a thing. Eating healthy wasn't really a thing. So you just drink a lot. And that was just kind of normal. And I didn't really think anything of it.

But as a young kid, very early on, I realized that I loved to go all in on stuff. So like, if I could get my hand on a pack of cookies, I would eat the whole thing, even if it made me sick. if I got into running, which I did, I would run constantly. So I eventually went to, I got a scholarship, a track and field scholarship, D1, because I love to run. I love to work out. I love to eat. I would never leave my plate with food on it.

I just loved doing everything to the extreme. If I was going to, well, you get the idea. I just like doing everything to the extreme. And I think I drank a bit in high school because I was really uncomfortable with myself. I think a lot of people are in high school. You're uncomfortable at yourself. And I kind of became a little bit of a bully. I would bully people around a little bit.

But I never really fit in and I was awkward. And I would drink to fit in. And then I would also drink because I loved going all in on stuff. So if I tasted it, I wanted to go all in and I wanted to be an extreme. And I wanted to be a tough guy so I could drink a lot and still drive or still keep going and have one more. It kind of became a competition. And whatever, you know, it was a relatively normal high school.

But then I went to college. And when I went to college, I got into a serious relationship. And after about two years, it went south. And I quit my sport. So I was a very competitive athlete. I was in wonderful shape. But I quit my sport. And I was depressed.

I basically kind of had like PTSD. And I kind of went through trauma. And I think I had some stuff from my childhood that I still couldn't figure out why I was angry about, which we could talk about another time. But I used alcohol as a drug. And so, you know, at first in college, it was pretty normal. I would go out Thursday or maybe I went out at first like Friday and then Saturday and you're like hungover Saturday morning and you're hungover Sunday and on Friday and Saturday you stay up all night party and you eat and at 3 a.m. and just do all the normal college stuff. But then I would party on a Thursday and then maybe on a Tuesday. And then I broke up with that girl and I got basically traumatized. And I started to drink to cover. up the pain that I felt. And it was a combination of I felt pain from some stuff as a kid. I felt pain because I was uncomfortable with myself because I wasn't very confident because I was overcompensating. But then also I had experienced trauma and I was trying to cover that up

and numb that pain and I didn't want to face it. And I didn't know how to face it. I didn't even have the vocabulary. You know, growing up in the Midwest, like you don't really talk about your feelings that much. And I didn't have the tools to handle that. And I went to drinking. It made me numb. And I loved it, to be honest. It felt like I was a rock star. I could party all night. And I woke up all haggard, feeling horrible. But for some reason, I loved it. And I eventually quit my sport. I didn't drop out of school, but I didn't go. I left all my friends. I moved to an apartment by myself where I didn't know anyone in this little house in a bad neighborhood. And I would drink with my neighbors. And so my junior and senior year, I was basically intoxicated

24 hours a day practically for like three years maybe. And every day, I would get up, have a hangover from the night before. And I don't know if it's because my body was just bad at metabolizing the sugar, but hangovers like I would get really, really bad. And so I would roll out of bed and I would always go to sleep with like three Miller lights next to my bed. And I would roll out of bed and I would drink a couple about two or three right before I even put my foot on the floor. And then I would get up, take a shower while I'm in the shower, have one. And just throughout the day, I would basically have like a case, like a 24 or 30 rack. And it wasn't good. I did that for two or three years. And I was basically drunk during school.

And I was pretty smart, but I'd gotten straight A's up until that point. So I could get bad grades and still do okay. And my school wasn't that hard. But I got by. But basically, I don't remember a lot. of the second half of college. It was not good. And I would go to the bars by myself. I didn't have friends. I completely alienated myself. I would see my friends sometimes, but I would go to the bars by myself. I would meet people. I would, it was crazy. I would get fights. I loved to fight. And I would sleep outside a lot. You know, many times I woke up at the crack of dawn when the sun was coming up. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm sitting on a park bench. Where am I? I mean, I was crazy. I was out of it. I was mentally ill and I was a complete addict.

And it sucked. But I loved it. It felt like an adventure. I felt like a rock star. I previously was like pretty shredded when I was an athlete. Now I had like a beer belly and my body hurt me. I always had scrapes on my knees and on my elbows from falling. At that point, I actually have a fake tooth. I had already had a fake tooth from I was a kid. At one point, like, my fake tooth fell out. And I looked, I just looked like a bum. I mean, it was, it was not good. I would, I got arrested a couple times.

I spent collectively maybe a week in jail. I got arrested three different times. I went to court a few times and won and a couple times didn't win. And I got DUIs. And even after my DUI, I would still drink and drive. And I basically planned my whole life around drinking. I couldn't plan anything Saturday morning because I knew I was going to be screwed up Friday. I eventually started a hot dog stand.

A lot of people who follow my entrepreneurial career. The joke is that I started a hot dog stand and it made a lot of money. The reason I started a hot dog stand was because I could get there at like noon so I could wake up at 11, roll out of bed, go outside and I could have a red solo cup in my hand. And it wouldn't be considered that weird to be drinking on the job while making money. Then I would go like pass out a little bit after like the noon to like three o'clock crowd. And then I would go out to the bars and put my car outside the bars. and I could still drink then and I could be around drunk people and I wouldn't have to go home

till 3 a.m. And that's how I made a living. I started a hot dog stand while I was in school. And I basically did it because I didn't have a lot of money and I wanted to start a business where I could drink. It was not good. But again, I kind of loved it. The things I hated was I hated waking up and knowing I did something bad the night before based off of how hard my knees were. Like if my knees hurt me, then I know, oh, I fell all over the place. And if I was falling all over the place, I probably got in a fight. Like, it was my jaw sore, like, or my fists. Like, it was, it was crazy. I'm a nice guy now. But back then, I was in, I just had demons. And I was drinking to cover up the pain that I felt from the stuff that happened when I was younger and that breakup. And it wasn't good. And my senior year,

I was 21, I think. Some of these years might be a little funky. But I, um, was sitting just pissed drunk. I was wasted. And I saw this video. I fixed my mic. I saw this video on YouTube. It was, I think, Noel Gallagher, the lead singer of Oasis. And he was singing like, don't look back in anger. And this sounds so cheesy. But he was playing this song, and it was just him playing on the guitar. And there was something like 300,000 people in the crowd. And I guess, I got emotional. I started crying because this guy was playing this guitar. I don't think there was any other instruments, just him. And he was barely strumming his guitar. And he was barely singing into the mic. And 300,000 people were screaming back at him and the lights were blaring and the bass sounded

amazing once the drums eventually came in. And I thought, holy shit, this is one human being who is exerting a very small amount of energy. But because he is leveraging his energy effectively, it is creating the, you know, the input is a little bit of energy. The output is this huge world changing energy, you know, if he just impacted these 300,000 people in the crowd, think of all the other people who love his music and it makes them feel good about themselves. And I thought, that's amazing. I love how he's able to do that. I can do that too. I am talented enough to do that. I know I can do that. I have the it factor. I can pull that off, but I can't do it when I'm a fucking piss drunk bum. That's what I was at the time. I was a bum. I was basically, it felt like I was homeless,

practically. I had a home, but like, I was a derelict. I mean, I was, I was, I was like the zombies you see on the street. That's kind of how I felt. You know, I would steal from the grocery store sometimes because I didn't have enough money all the time. My parents, by the way, they would have supported me, but they didn't know what I was going through. And I never in a million years would have told them, but I was a derelict. And I thought, if this guy can do this, I can do this. I have to get my shit together. And so I tried to try to get help. I went to my university and I said, I'm having massive problems. I feel horrible. I feel sick. I'm blacking out. I'm passing out. And even when I wasn't drinking, if I woke up, I would

like fall over. My hands were shaking all the time. My blood pressure. So they tested my, I go, guys, I'm an alcoholic. I've been drunk for like two years now. I need help. And so what they did was they tested my blood pressure and they're like, you need to go to the hospital right now. forget what it was, maybe like a 180 or 190 over like 110, which is like, it's bad. And I went to the hospital and they're like, yeah, you got to quit. You're going to die. They looked at what when you drink? Is it your liver or your kidneys that has spots on it? And they looked at it and they're like, they're like, it's manageable now. If you quit, you'll be fine. But like, we're seeing a clear pattern here that if you live this lifestyle for long, like, it's not going to go well.

And so I quit. And I did that for a few months, but it felt horrible. I felt so sick. And so I dropped out of school and I moved to San Francisco. And I did that because when I wasn't drinking, I cold emailed these guys called Air Bed and Breakfast. And I said, I love your company. And this was in 2012, I think. I love your company.

I think you can improve it by doing X, Y, and Z. Can I please work for you? I cold email the founder. That company now is called AirBend, B&B, by the way. And he forwarded me to someone else or I forget how it worked out, but I emailed the founder and they go, hey, just come to the office on Monday. You live in San Francisco, right? And I go, yeah, I live there. I live there. And he goes, all right, great, see you Monday. So I flew out there, got the interview, talked to them, got the job, like, pretty quick right away,

went back home, finally told them, I'm still a college student, but like, I'm done. So I dropped out, moved all my stuff and then basically sold. I didn't have anything and went out to San Francisco and arrived in San Francisco. This all happened a matter of three weeks. And prior to starting, like literally on Monday, I was supposed to start on like a Saturday or Sunday, they said, we're taking back your offer. You lied to us. You said you didn't have a misdemeanor or any criminal record and you do. You got DUIs. You got fighting on your record. You got all types of stuff. And at the time, I was actually on trial for one of my cases. And so I thought I wasn't lying. And I lied. I guess they thought it was lying. I thought like maybe it's not considered lying. Regardless, I was in the wrong.

And they took back my offer. So here I am out in San Francisco, completely screwed. And I meet a guy. And I ended up partnering with him and starting a business. But while I'm doing this, I'm like, fuck it. I'm too depressed. I'm drinking again. So I relapsed. I was only sober at that point for two three months. And in San Francisco, it was awesome because I was on my own. I didn't have a lot of money, but I could go to, we had, I don't think we had Whole Foods where I lived in Nashville. This was back in college. But in San Francisco, I had a Whole Foods by my house and I had, you don't have to drive. So I remember I was so screwed up that I was like, well, if I get a bike, then I could bike to the bars and not drive anymore. So I won't get DUIs. We won't get arrested. But maybe I'll

get a bike with an engine in it. So I want the pedal because it's really hard to pedal when you're drunk. Like, this is, like, I planned my whole life around alcohol. And I would go to the whole foods and I would eat a slice of pizza while I'm shopping around. And I would just leave the cart and bounce. And that was like how I would feed myself. Or I would like steal, not steal, but like, get on the bus without pain. And I would play these games at bars that would like trick girls and to buy me a drink. I'd be like, hey, I bet you I can make you answer yes to any question I ask you. And I would like have this little trick. It was messed up. And I was again, horrible. I was drunk again. I was drunk all the time. And eventually I just, I had enough. I was like,

I'm going to die. This is horrible. I feel horrible. I met this guy named Joe Garvey. I haven't talked to Joe Garvey in a few years. Hopefully he sees this. But he was like tall and good looking. And I was just pissed drunk. And he let me do some part time work for him running these like scavenger hunts for like corporate companies, which is fucking horrible. like I was, when I say scavenger, it's like off, it was like corporate training. And like you basically, or not corporate training, but like team building events. So like some company like Salesforce or something will send like 50 people and we have them do the scavenger hunt throughout the city and it ends at a bar and I would just get wasted with them. And so again, this is like a hot dog business. I can be drunk

while doing it and still functioning. But I met Joe. And I was like, Joe, here, have a drink. After like three months meeting. He goes, oh, no, I don't drink. And I was like, huh? He goes, yeah, I gave it up. I had a problem. I went to. I go to AA and I gave it up. And that was the first time in my life that I'd met someone who was like good looking and cool and who I admired and was hit and would still go out to bars and he didn't drink. And I thought, that's amazing. And also, you just admitted to me that you go to AA.

How bold of you, you know, like, you have a problem. I thought only like AA and alcoholics, like people who talk about that. That was on movies. That was like, you know, for like, you know, rock stars who like getting car crashes or who OD, you know, like Amy Winehouse. That's what rehab's for or AA is for. Like, not guys like you and me. I mean, of course, that's exactly what it's for.

But he was cool. He was the life of the party. Girls liked him. He was sober. And he inspired me so much. And so one day I go, fuck, I got to get my shit together. So I, and it was hard because, like,

I was fat, but I was making a little bit of money because I was just talented at that. But, like, my body hurt me all the time. I was bloated. But I got girls. Like girls liked me. I mean, lame girls. but like, you know, a girl who would be around a stupid, basically frat bro type of dude.

But I felt like a rock star, but I woke up every morning and I regretted what I did the night before. And I was ashamed of myself. And I felt like, I'm going to die soon and I'm going to die for nothing. I'm basically, when you walk through home San Francisco and you see these guys on the street, I was like, I'm closer to them than I am. For those who are listening, I'm pointing to my wall of inspiration. I've got these really interesting inspiring people. My wall, I felt closer to a homeless guy on the street than I did one of these guys on my inspiration wall.

And so eventually, I didn't have much money. And so I Googled like San Francisco Mental Health Clinic or something. And I went in off the street. I got an appointment. And like, I was doing well enough that I had an iPhone and I had like AirPods or not AirPods, but like iPhone headphones. And I walked into this place. And I was fucked up when I walked in. and these people, I was the youngest one there probably, I mean, look at me. If you look at me,

I looked like a kind of a well-to-do white dude with like white teeth and like, uh, combed hair. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I was the same as these people. We were both, we were all zombies, but I had like AirP or iPhone headphones in and I was like, I am so out of place. Like, this is wild that like I look at, I look how I look, but I'm like with these like crazy people. And, they serve quarter coffee for a quarter and like they're talking to themselves and I'm like, I'm in the same category as this. I'm fucked up. That's wild. I can't believe I let this happen. And so I meet this woman named Jocelyn, Dr. Porquez, who I still go to to this day. And I said, I'm a drunk. I need to get sober. So she gave me some antidepressants.

And she helped me wean off. And I didn't wean off. I basically locked myself in a room. And she kind of, I would just let her know what was going on. And it worked. it worked really well for some reason. I don't know why. This particular time, I pulled it off. And I just, it was basically, I was like, if I do this, I survive. If I don't do this, I'm, I may not die today, but I might as well be dead. I'm just a zombie who can't function. And it worked. I went to, so basically I just went to a mental health clinic on Harrison and third in San Francisco and Jocelyn, who I, you know, I said I still see it. It worked out well. And, uh, now, There's like eight years later.

So like, a lot of people listening are like, oh, man, I was drunk for 20 years. So like, and I got sober. So look, I wasn't, I guess it doesn't matter. Like we're not, like it doesn't need to be a pissing contest. But like, yeah, I was basically fucked up for three years pretty bad. And I got out. So it's like no big deal. Right?

Three years I was able to get by. But, you know, there was a period of time that alcohol controlled my life. It absolutely. I did everything. was revolving around it. And I got sober. And like the first two weeks was so hard. I just had to lock myself in the room. And I don't, I think there's something like, maybe there's some reason why like certain races or ethnicities struggle with alcohol. But I think there's something in there that, like, there's definitely like there's two parts of this. So there's like the trauma and you're depressed and you're,

you saw something crazy when you're younger, something that like makes you want to like abuse substances. But then on the other side, at least with alcohol, I always felt like there was like a thing where, like, my body didn't metabolize it in a wonderful way. So I was addicted very easily. And it would make me sick. It would make me really sick. And if I didn't continue drinking, I would felt horrible. And I felt like that for weeks. And eventually I got addicted to like sugar and carbs. Like right when I got off, I would just eat horribly. And I told my doctor and she goes, you know what? Just do it, man. Like if it makes you feel better, who cares if you're eating sugar and we'll handle that later. You know, just use this as a coping mechanism. So I did. So I got a little chubby. I got even chubbier and I would eat and I would eat is just like M&Ms. I remember peanut M&Ms like all day, every day. That's all I would eat in pizza. And I think that like because when I quit alcohol, I was craving the sugar. You know, when you drink alcohol, you're consuming a lot of sugar. And I was craving that like crazy. But I did it. And so now I definitely am still addicted to that. I am able to kind of stay away and I drink a of stuff like this. This is called a zivia. It's like a calorie-free whole-foods soda. I drink a ton of

carbonated beverages, though. I drink tons of carbonated water, tons of Diet Coke. I don't do Diet Coke anymore. I'm trying to do like Zivia or Topo Chico or, but I love, like usually the way that habits work typically is you don't really get rid of a habit without replacing it with another habit. And that's what I did. I replaced it with candy. And now I'm replacing the candy with Topo Chico with, I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, lots of it. But, so that's where I am now. And so what I've learned is a bunch of stuff. So if you're struggling, I'm going to talk to you about what I learn and maybe this will make your life a little bit easier. But so like when I got off booze, like it took like six weeks, maybe longer, three months. But I put, it's like I,

it's like I had bad eyesight for a long time and I finally put glasses on because when I was on alcohol, Like, imagine telling a deaf person what, like, a certain sound signs like, or a blind person, what, like, a mountain looks like in the beauty of seeing a mountain. It's really hard. And when I was on alcohol, when people were like, just don't do it. Just go to this party and don't drink. And I'm like, I don't, that doesn't even, I can't even fathom that thought. And what, so, like, the game, the inner game that I have now and how I feel now, I couldn't even imagine. It wasn't even my vocabulary. I didn't even know it was possible before I got sober.

But so here's a few things that I learned. The first is that getting sober, again, this is all about me. Don't criticize me in the comments about, well, it's not actually true. I don't care. That's your experience. I'm going to talk about my experience. So the first thing is, this was a choice that I made and it is all about inner game. And I quit drinking in my early 20s when I was single. I'm very, very, very happily married right now, which I'm talking about in a little bit. But just like anyone who's in their 20s, male or female, probably, what do you care about most? Hooking up. I cared about meeting people and going on dates. That was my thing.

And the idea of like meeting a girl sober, like, what? Not a chance. What do you create? That's not how it works. You've got to get loaded and then go do your thing. And well, so like my life was around girls. And what I realized, though, the first big thing is giving up alcohol. it was all about changing my inner game. And what's cool, particularly for men, I can't speak for

women, but for men, the more that men work on themselves and make themselves better, the more interesting they become to other people and the more other people like them or are attracted to them. And so it was great. I'm like, wow, I can be incredibly selfish about myself, meaning I can work on myself. And that will actually, if I work on myself, and focus on me and quit boozing and get fit and find interesting hobbies, that attracts more people to me, both men and women, friends and girls. And that inner game basically meant I'm going to care less about other people's opinion. And yet it made people like me more.

So I did it all for me. And in return, it kind of actually helped all my external wants. The second thing is that it was actually really important to me. to talk about it incredibly openly. So I would say I'm a little nervous doing this because I'm talking to like, you know, we have like hundreds and thousands of and sometimes millions of people listening to our podcast. So I'm kind of telling the story about being a fool and I'm probably going to post

kind of shirtless picks of myself looking like an idiot. My family's going to hear this. So like I'm a little embarrassed about that. But on a one-on-one conversation, I'm not ashamed of this at all. I'm upset that I behaved, how I used to behave. And when I meet people from my past life, I'm like, I will apologize. I'll be like, hey, I was a wreck then. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. But I'm not embarrassed to discuss this.

Not even a little bit. And the reason why is I used to think that, well, if I tell people this, they're going to think I'm a freak. Then I was like, yeah, maybe they will think I'm a freak. But you know what? Freaks are kind of cool. And also, when I tell people I don't drink, I used to make one of them like hobbies like oh I just I got a workout tomorrow or I have an early morning then no I actually say oh no I don't I don't drink and something and then if they say why not I'll say oh I'm an alcoholic and it does two things one it's they won't pressure me ever again they're not going to pressure me at all and if they do fuck them I don't those guys are dead to me they're out of my life I don't it's like a good it's like a good way to get losers out of your life

But two, it shows them I'm really comfortable about discussing this. And one of the big fears of giving up drinking is you don't want the people around you to be uncomfortable, which I'm going to talk about in a minute about how I drink non-acolic beer or I'll drink a sprite with a lime at a bar to make people feel, I want people around me to feel comfortable. People I care about, I don't want them to think that they can't drink around me or that they'll feel uncomfortable. And so I love openly discussing this if they ask me because it makes them feel, oh, I'm really,

this is like a thing we can discuss. This is just a fact. This is a part of me just like I like to exercise. I work in business. I have a podcast. I don't drink. It's just a fact. And I can bring that up.

Third, booze makes your body fucked up. It is crazy. I mean, you know, what's kind of funny is like, we accept in this order in society, alcohol, cigarettes, weed. In reality, that should be swapped, I think. we should accept a weed first, then cigarettes or nicotine, and then alcohol. Alcohol, man, that thing, that messes with my body. I felt horribly bloated my joint. I was only 23.

I felt like I was 40. You know, I would make that noise when I sat down. Or like when you're trying to stand up, I felt horrible. I was so bloated. If you look at old pictures of me, which we're going to show up on this video, I looked like if you popped me with a needle, I would explode. It was just horrible. It gives you brain fog.

You can't feel stuff like certain emotions. It just was horrible on my body. It turns I was a talking monkey, you know. It's just gross. And I actually don't think all vices are bad. You know, I think that humans were built to escape every once from a while. Like, smoking weed, which I don't do any drugs. I don't do anything.

But like, I wish I did. But like, I think smoking weed is probably good for you sometimes. I think drinking for a lot of people can actually be great for them. It could bring them with their friends, and it's good to escape sometime. But drinking too much alcohol, it's just the worst. And you get used to it when you do it a lot. So, like, you get used to it, not in that it feels better, but you wake up in the morning thinking, well, this is just how I feel.

And I feel that way, like, if I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, if I drink or if I eat a ton of cake or a ton of pizza and I wake up the next morning, I have like a sugar hangover. I'm like, dude, I can't believe I used to feel like that every day for years. It's crazy. So it's bad for your body. Another thing is that, like I said, when I did it, this as a younger guy, I was single. And the number one thing I cared about was girls. And my biggest fear was that people, I wouldn't be able to get girls. Like, they would think I'm weird. It's a crutch

that allows me to be confident to talking to women. And up until getting sober, I don't think I'd ever like gone on a date with a girl sober or like had a first kiss sober. I don't think I've ever done any of that. But the first time I did it, basically I got sober. I don't remember this exact timeline, but around like week four, five, or six. I was like, I want to go meet someone because it was like, again, like I put glasses on and I was feeling reality. And I was like, this is so weird what it feels like. And I was like, I wonder what it feels like to like have a first date. Let's try it. And I did. And then I like kiss this girl. I don't remember it was the first date or second date, whatever. And I was like, oh my God, I'm on top of the world. I overcame this. I completely did it.

And that felt amazing. And also when I admitted that I, was sober and because I had a problem, not only did people not like the, I think some people did push me away, but I didn't know it because they didn't want to be around me because I was sober and they liked to party. But the people who I went out with, like some guy friends who I went went out with and on dating when I told them my issues, they were attracted to me way more. I don't, like, I'm not here to talk about if it's some like, oh, like girls like guys who are like broken and they want to fix them. Like, you know, there's that joke. I don't know what the truth is. But I know that when I confidently said, I don't drink because I have issues, but you're welcoming to drink,

and I'm still going to have a ton of fun tonight. Women love that. I think it was a confidence thing. I don't know what it was, but people, even strangers, were drawn to me way more. Another thing was that having, like, I've said all the positive stuff, but I will say having fun when sober, I think can be a lot harder. So like the nighttime fun that a lot of you guys have, I don't really have that. And it's, yeah, it's, more boring. I think it's more boring, but I'm happier because of it. And sober life maybe is less fun than drunk life, probably. Like, I wish my wife, I've never drank with her because I met her one year after I got sober. It would be fun to go out and just get sloppy drunk and do silly stuff

and then come home. I mean, that'd be awesome. Like, it would bring us together. The best part is, though, I don't fight. Imagine having, like, fist fight, but also, like, with your spouse or with your girlfriend or your friends, like, where you say something. stupid. I mean, I still say a lot of stuff stupid, but it doesn't come from a drunk place. That's awesome. But having fun is harder. It is awesome when you can figure it out and when I can go out and have fun and be sober and remember it all. But it's definitely harder. What I typically do when I go out to bars is, or if I go out to somewhere that involves drinking and I want to make my friends feel comfortable or even if I just want to have fun, if you go to the bar and this is for

anyone, we can talk about this because a lot of people don't realize this. If you go to the bar and you say you want to let's say you're with friends hey you got any you got any n a beer that means non-alcoholic and all bartenders a lot of bartenders will know that you're trying to low-key not drink and you say give me an n a yon a and that means non-alcoholic usually every bar has at least one style and you can't say like oh i want this brand or that brand because they usually only have one so you just get give me an n a and i always make them bring them to me in a bottle i want to see them open it and then i'll let them pour in a glass and that way i'll have a what looks like a beer so my friends can feel comfortable or if they don't have an N.A. I'll do a

sprite with a lime. And when I'm in a bar or bar setting and I smell the beer and my friends are getting drunk and I'm drinking non-acog beer, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm a little buzzed so I can have a similar amount of fun, but it's definitely not the same. So I don't want to like, you know, sugarcoat that. I will say that. Intent. Realism is something that I describe being sober. So like, you got this cloud when you're drinking. And I can, and you drink to, I remember I had a friend die and I would drink at the funeral. So I didn't really feel that sadness that I was supposed to feel at weddings. I don't feel like the happiness or, you know, whatever you feel at weddings or meeting someone that you wanted to go out and date with.

and you had a crush. Like, are you really just drunk and horny or are you actually like them? Breaking up with someone and feeling like that pain. I broke up with a lot of people drunk and I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it was, I was kind of a pussy, to be honest. I would do these challenging things drunk. And I wasn't facing it like a man and I just didn't get to experience that. So basically, like, I didn't develop a lot of skills that I think a grown man needs to have.

And I had to develop those a little bit later in life. Basically, like from age like 20. I consider my ages of like 20 to 24, like they just didn't exist. And even though I'm like 31 now, I'm actually like a, you know, 27 year old or something. But I didn't experience those things. And once I got sober and I got confident in my decision to be sober, I actually sought out those challenging conversations. And it made me feel alive. It made me feel like this is what I've been missing.

This is awesome. And I felt like it was also a game. I'm like, oh, normally I'd be afraid to do this. Now I'm going to do it right away. I'm going to approach it straight on, and I'm going to do it just to prove that I can and I want to feel alive. And it feels like a big rush to me now when I do some of these things. And I like it in a weird way. The last couple things is I control my emotions far better than before. Drunk people do dumb stuff. You get in fights that you don't really want to be getting in. You say shit you don't mean. I still act impulsive sometimes and I still say a lot of stuff I don't really mean. but it's way less. And last, I save so much money. It's crazy.

And I spend a lot of it now probably on food and experiences. But like, think about this. Like in a big city, you'll spend $400 bucks on a weekend. You know, $100 Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I mean, that's maybe like $50 at a bar, $60 at a bar, $30, eating food afterwards. Like, you spend a lot of money. And then like me, if you were crazy, you're drinking $30.

a day anyway. That's something like $26,000 a year. Over seven years, I think it's been seven or eight for me, but that's like $200,000. I mean, that's a lot of money. So that's my story with alcohol. I want to answer a couple of questions because people were asking me some questions. And if you go to the YouTube page, just Google, Sampar, Alcohol, you'll see this page if you're listening on the podcast. And I'll answer some questions. I tweeted out that I was going to do this. My handle's the Sampar. So I'll read out something. of the things that people ask. The first is, how do you handle social gatherings when everyone's drinking? What benefits have you seen outside of the health side? So when I go to a bar, I ask for an N.A.

That means non-alcoholic beer, and bartenders typically know that means you're sober. Or I'll do a sprite in line. So with health, I'm way less bloated and my joints don't hurt. Now, I don't drink. I also take testosterone with placement therapy, which is a whole other podcast and video, which I like, but I feel like a professional athlete. I don't really get tired right now. I feel great. I sleep good. I sleep eight hours a night. I don't really have. I feel awesome. I mean, I just, I feel alive. I feel like a pro athlete. How can you be supportive of folks who know you're trying to stop? Especially, wait, how to be supportive of folks who you know, okay, got it. So if you know someone who's trying to stop, how do you be supportive? Well, my perspective is at first,

I didn't really want people to bring it up too much. Now, I'm okay if people tease me and that kind of normalizes it. So I like being teased a little bit. But I also like when people confront me head on and act normal. So like, for example, hey, we're going to go get beers. If you're all comfortable with that, come on. If you're not, why don't we catch up with you afterwards? Like just saying things like that, I'm cool with.

I also don't like, though, if someone like doesn't, like, changes their behavior to accommodate me, I fucking hate that. I can't stand that. That makes me feel guilty. So if someone says like, oh, we're not going to drink because of you, I'm like, no, get drunk. In fact, I even encourage my wife and friends to get drunk sometimes because I'm like, guys, go wild. Let's have fun. Because I want to live through them a little bit. So my opinion is be normal and confront everything normally and just you can acknowledge things. When my friends like ever want to do drugs, if they're like at a party and they want to do drugs, I leave. They say, hey, we're going to get wild just so you know.

And they know I'm going to go home. I don't like being around that. But I don't, I'm cool if they like to do it. Are there occasions where you miss it? Someone asked. 100%. Yep. I miss bonding with my coworkers and friends.

I definitely miss it. I don't miss it enough to do it. I don't miss it enough that I regret it. But I miss it getting in trouble a little bit. I miss feeling like a rock star. It is kind of fun to like go party and be crazy at a bar. and have people over and have a fun rager and wake up and not know what happens. I mean, I found that to be adventurous and exciting and fun.

I don't miss it enough that I want to do it, but I do miss it on occasion. What coping mechanisms for certain stress do you use? Food. So when I have a bad day, I allow myself to pick out and eat a whole pizza. Some will say, don't do that. You're creating bad habits. I don't care. I overcame one bad habit.

that was life or death. I exercise now. Got six-pack. I'm going to pick out sometimes when I feel horrible because I can go and run or lift weights or row or something to burn those calories. And I'd rather be fat and alive than dead. You know, you get the idea.

So I do a lot of food. For coping mechanism, instead of getting mad, though, I typically like to look at as a game. Like, what's the desired outcome that I want from this conversation? because a lot of my like stress comes from like other people. What can I try to like game the system to get what I want? You know, how can I, what emotions is this person trying to tell me? What are their needs?

How can I meet their needs so I can eventually get what I want? I look at like a game and it can be kind of fun for me. How can we overcome? Oh, someone asks basically like I want to look cool and I'm afraid if I don't drink. I won't look cool. I answered that before. You know what's cool is like confidence. Confidence is cool.

Men and women like confident men. And it's also, if you really want to milk this, which I think you should, if it makes you feel better, tell people you're messed up and you have substance abuse problems, brag about the stories, not brag, but tell the war stories, tell the demons that you overcame, captivate them, get their attention. Use it to your advantage. I don't see why not. How do you switch off unwind? Can it be boring? Yep. Definitely can be boring. Instead, I love to like get huge muscles and then I love to do like cutting. I'm in like a cutting phase now. But then I love, so I love exercising. So I like challenges. So I do like an Iron Man and that'll be my challenge. I'll do like a bulking phase. I'll try to get really muscular, at least for me.

And then I'll cut it. And I think that stuff's cool. So that's like what I do. So I'm not bored. And I work a lot. And I also have fun with my friends. I encourage them to drink sometimes. But I really don't go to bars.

I pretty much don't ever go out at night except for like movies and out to eat. Would you recommend someone going cold turkey if they drink in moderation. Yeah, I guess. That's an impossible question for me to answer, though. Last couple of questions, how do you frame it for folks who ask why you don't drink and how do you frame it to yourself?

So when people ask me why I don't drink, my answer is, ah, just doesn't mix well with me. If they ask again, I say, well, I'm an alcoholic. And I smile so they know that like it's true. But if they want to keep talking about it, I will and we can be comfortable about it. And sometimes they'll say, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, you didn't do anything wrong at school.

You want to talk about it? I have issues. So I just choose not to do it. And that bluntness, I think, makes everyone comfortable, to be honest. Someone asked if I felt like getting drunk in recent years. No, like something weird happened. You know how like when you eat too much food, like eat too much cauliflower as a kid and like you want to puke if you smell that and you just like can't stand cauliflower?

That's kind of how I feel about alcohol. I don't crave it. but if I but I do crave the sugars and I eat tons of cake and tons of candy what do you what advice would you give to your younger self to overcome the drinking girls will think you're cooler because you're sober and you'll be bolder not weaker if you're sober and last questions where are the benefits of not drinking over have an occasional drink or two I don't have self-control one or two is not an option it's either all or nothing so That's the episode.

Thank you for following along. You can subscribe to our podcast. My First Million, click that subscribe button. Maybe you'll see another. We'll do another one like this. If you want, my Twitter handles The Sampar. Just comment. Like, send me a tweet or something and ask me a question.

Or if you want to let me know if this episode was good or bad, I don't care if it's bad, tell me. But I appreciate you listening. Hopefully this helped in some capacity. But if you're listening and you are struggling with this, been there, done that. A lot of people who've had it way worse than me have definitely overcome it. You absolutely can too. Good luck.

See you.