My Mom's Basement - EPISODE 150 - ‘WHAT IF…?’ EPISODE 5 RECAP WITH CLEM AND KFC
Episode Date: September 10, 2021Robbie and Clem discuss the latest episode of Marvel’s ‘What If…?’ in-person this week, and KFC joins the show to debate and discuss some Barstool ‘What if’ scenarios about halfway through... the podcast. 3Chi: Use code MMB at checkout to receive 5% off at 3Chi.com Cuts Clothing: Go to CutsClothing.com/BASEMENT for 15% off the Only Shirt Worth Wearing HelloFresh: Use code 14robbie at HelloFresh.com/14robbie for 14 FREE MEALS! Subscribe to My Mom's Basement on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIeZ96PqdsJYQ7DFLRx6MHw My Mom's Basement Merchandise: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/my-moms-basement Intro Music: “Basement Noise” by All Time Low Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/basement-noise/1499013757?i=1499013968 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3Aq9W9BBCjsFOQqcYyO6IA?si=d9d0f74cf54a48deYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/mymomsbasement
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Hey My Mom's Basement listeners, you can find our episodes on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube, and Prime members in the basement, noise in the basement.
Just stupid boys making basement noise in the basement.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello and welcome to My Mom's Basement presented by Barstool Sports and 3C.
I am your host, Robbie Fox, and with me in person is my main man, Clem.
We are here for a What If Episode 5 recap.
It is the Marvel Zombiesm. We are here for a What If Episode 5 recap. It is the Marvel
Zombies episode. What if
zombies? I love that that was the title.
What if zombies? It's like fuck it.
It's a little bit kind of like the
zombie revolution. Was that like 2012
13? Yeah around Walking Dead era.
Yeah. You'd always get like
how to survive a zombie apocalypse. It was like
BuzzFeed lists and shit like that.
They had the kits of like zombie apocalypse survival kit they came with the astronaut ice cream
yeah all that ridiculous stuff like that this podcast is sponsored by 3g 3g is our presenting
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Now let's get back into the show.
This was a fun episode.
It was not as, I guess, well-crafted and thought out and deep as last week it was kind of just like
surface level fun horror movie went a bit like more gruesome than i thought it would there were
some kills in this where i was like oh shit okay this is back to last week we were getting mature
with it but very enjoyable another one where we're five weeks in and none of these have felt
like a waste of time or like uh i that wasn't none of them have let me down, I'll say.
Yeah, exactly.
I was entertained the whole time.
And this is someone who is most certainly not a zombie guy.
Those those are all those zombie apocalypse things.
I was just I never really got it.
It's kind of like when the Internet keeps hammering something.
I didn't get on the ground floor, didn't get on the second third.
I was like, every time I'd see it, I just swipe to the next thing.
But I enjoyed this episode.
It's also like The Walking Dead. I feel like people who still watch The Walking is next thing but I enjoyed this episode um it's also like the
walking dead I feel like people who still watch the walking is the walking dead still around I
know it is it was shockingly still people fucking despise it but I feel like they can't quit it at
this point because they come this far right are you one of those guys no no no I was gone when
my guy Glenn died he was my favorite and uh I knew he was gonna die because I kind of read the comic
books up to that point but as soon as they killed him off in just such gruesome fashion, he got his fucking head smashed in by, not Norman Reedus.
Norman Reedus is a good guy, by Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
Yeah, I was out on it right then and there.
So there you go.
I think that was the point where a lot of people jumped off to.
It was like season seven, and now they're on, I think, 12 or something.
I'll be honest too. Like when, when I saw this was going to be the episode,
I didn't know if we would even get like a legitimate backstory to how it all
happened without just maybe a little sprinkling.
But the fact that they went as much as they did,
and then you get like a legitimate zombie horror movie,
I guess again,
it was kind of like,
it was the horror genre,
right?
Very much.
I think they did a good job.
I feel like they made a direct reference,
which we can get to,
to a zombie movie.
I think they made like a pretty big zombie land reference with Petereter parker's you know rules of how to survive the apocalypse
let's get right into it we're in the infinity war era which excited me right away you know
when you do the intro again hulk going back down to earth crashing into the sanctum i love that i
love that nobody was there this time he even says he's like danos is coming danos is he looks up
and he's like oh shit i'm just alone here. He looks up and he's like, oh, shit.
I'm just alone here.
So he looks out.
The streets are cleared.
We see our guy, Ma.
Ebony Ma.
This is the second time we've seen him in What If.
And thank God, because like we wanted more out of him, more out of him.
Get to see him for a little bit in Endgame.
We were excited about that.
More fucking Ebony Ma here.
I remember when we did the Infinity War recap about it.
And I said that was kind of like someone that I kind of fell in love with.
And I was so bummed that we lost him the way we did.
And it was so quick in it all.
And the fact that he's just been back.
I'm like, fuck yes.
Tony Stark was back.
Zombies.
We cannot just get Tony Stark for an episode just being happy.
Everything going good.
But the fact we got the mall man made everything all right.
And for all the people that were crying like little babies because the goddamn
infinity stones are being used as paperweights they referenced the infinity stones in the
fucking introduction of every what if and we got you know the legitimate infinity war beginning here
we can just settle down and like just realize some of us might have overreacted to that first episode
all right yeah get off waldron's back even though that son of a bitch i know there's a whiteboard
out there and he's not a man.
And shout out, Waldron.
Heels may be Barstool reference this week.
It's on Twitter.
I blogged it.
Pretty damn awesome.
And I'm excited because when I got the Heels screeners, they gave me episodes one through four.
Episode five comes out next week.
So now I'm finally caught up with everyone.
I can watch the episodes as they're coming out. And a little, you know, sideways slant here, a little promotion, self- promotion self show promotion here i think we might we talked about it like two weeks ago i think this might
be the next golden age of wrestling might be starting right now as based on everything i'm
seeing on my timeline people are going fucking crazy w is going i just did a recap of uh aew
with sean ross sap i saw you saw that on Twitter. Yeah, you put the Gennetti thing because I called
us the mega powers. But I've known this guy, Sean Ross Sapp, for so many years since I was
like in high school, we followed each other on Twitter. And now he's like the number one
journalist in wrestling. So we did a podcast breaking it down. He was there. People seem to
dig it. He actually was the one that broke the news that CM Punk was going to come back. So he's
like coup de gras of wrestling journalists. So check that out if you're interested, if if you're interested in AEW me and Brandon Walker are also going to Smackdown this
week at the Garden so we'll get some content from there Wrestling Renaissance is here I think the
war is upon us and that is great for the wrestling business I saw Mick Foley was like yeah that and
you know Mick Foley's not coming out and you know being like there's a problem here and Kev by the
way who will join us later on for uh what ifs said that he might be all in on aew he texted me last night he's like once aew on
wednesday nights i might be in on this stuff so i think we're getting multiple people in the
basement talking about wrestling in the near future business is about to pick up let's talk
about the rest of this what if episode though we see zombie iron man a couple other zombie avengers come
through these portals and banners excited at first he's like oh yes tony yeah over here and they
start eating the maw the big guy and he's like whoa oh all right that seems like overkill yeah
did you get kind of the covid vibes where you saw the empty new york city streets like
that really fucked me up you know quarantine yeah you see like the papers flying around nothing in the streets um by the
way i have a canker sore if i'm talking weirdly my my mouth is like on fire right now it's it's
rough i'm this is my flu game i remember the other day about canker sores because i used to get them
all the time and i when i had braces when i was a kid you'd always get them because they'd hit the
braces and i'm like man thank god i just grew out of that i don't know if i just grew out of it or
or what my body just figured out i think i get i man thank god i just grew out of it i don't know if i just grew out of it or what my body just i think i get one a month
they are brutal i don't know what to do about it if you know what to do about canker sores
hit me up hit them up i'll tell you right now i think i'd rather be a zombie than have canker
sores because the zombie it's like all right you turn it you're the undead and you just
i feel like i'm talking like an idiot i'm like oh jesus i'm talking like an idiot i apologize
a bunch of bugs come through. I hate bugs.
I couldn't believe we had back-to-back bug episodes.
The cape, Doctor Strange's cape comes through, which we love the cape.
We talked about it last week.
Magic carpet.
They save Banner. It winds up being the Wasp and Spider-Man.
So we find out that Hope Van Dyne's mom, thep mom michelle pfeiffer was actually patient zero when
they went into the quantum realm to find her she had become a zombie that was awesome i loved the
whole like quarantine story how it started and they said that the zombie avengers once they were
infected it was all over for everyone else because they kept their intelligence they kept their
powers and they just were hungry for brains. So they pretty much killed the whole world.
The Avengers fucking Hank Pym two times in three episodes.
Is that where we're at right now?
Where he I know.
What did Michael Douglas do backstage to someone at Marvel?
It's like, all right, now you're going to start the apocalypse that completely swallows the whole world.
I guess it kind of just hammers home just how important Pym is.
And again, as someone that never actually watched both Ant-Man movies, I like all right this is a good way to hammer that home yeah I get into my
30-minute cartoons instead of just or like my 20-minute YouTube recaps um and there's a third
one coming out right yeah and the third one is going to be the debut of Kang for the movie
universe so you're going to have to catch up by then Jonathan Majors is going to fucking crush
that role I cannot wait again
seeing tony stark and i get to see my guy but then i see him as a zombie he's not alive i just don't
get a live tony stark it's not right it's upsetting and i don't like it one bit it's really fucking me
up i had to see my guy as well you see him there yeah i mean not only i had to see him as a zombie
he got snoked in this episode i mean right, right in the stomach, right in half.
By his own best friend, too, Bucky Barnes.
Yeah, exactly.
And we get fucking Wong getting decapitated.
I was like, Jesus, we're killing Wong now?
That was disturbing.
I don't want to see Wong die.
No more Wong deaths, Marvel.
Not even in What If, not even in the cartoon.
We get to meet our zombie hunting team via Peter Parker's Zombieland-style rules video.
It's Bucky, Happy Hogan, Sharon Carter
and Okai from Black Panther from Wakanda. And they see a beacon that goes off in New Jersey. They
have a beacon that goes off from New Jersey. Favarau makes a joke at New Jersey's expense here
that I did not appreciate at all. I was watching this with my girlfriend this morning and he says,
my girlfriend just moved to New Jersey. So I keep trying to show her, like, oh, look, great thing about New Jersey.
He's like, we gotta go to New Jersey. I'm like, oh,
look at this, they're going to New Jersey, the place from, you know,
Endgame and all that. And then he's like,
just when I thought it couldn't get worse, now we have
to go to Jersey. And I was just like, aww,
jaw! I was like, burn!
That was my notes there.
New York, home of the Mets. I was like, ah,
that feels good, baby. The Mets getting shouted
out by Peter Parker, Queens guy, who's a fan of the Amazons I was like, ah, that feels good, baby. The Mets getting shouted at by Peter Parker,
Queens guy who's a fan of the Amazons.
And then, oh, we got to go to Jersey.
Burn, Bob Fox getting fucking killed. I hated that.
I loved it.
From my own guy, too, from Jon Favreau.
It felt like when the Islanders stole the Yes chant.
And they have to do it again.
I hate that.
That hurts.
The team went to Grand Central.
I almost said Central Park.
They went to Grand Central.
Again, COVID vibes from Grand Central. That fucked me up. I came back the first time I almost said Central Park. They went to Grand Central. Again, COVID vibes from Grand Central.
That fucked me up. I came back
the first time I was in the city
basically since COVID outbreak was
March of 2021. It was
5.30 p.m. and I think I counted 12
people in the main terminal.
You go there at 3.30
in the morning when there's no trains running
and there's more than 12 people. There's 40,
50, 60,
70 people there.
They might be high on different kinds of drugs.
They might be in various States.
Yeah,
exactly.
They're not going to sue you.
You don't have to throw in an allegedly they're high.
There's rats running around.
It's a fucking disaster scene. That's swimming around last week.
Did you see that video?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So seeing that at,
you know,
12,
five o'clock in the afternoon on the commute home on a Tuesday, we. Oh my god. So seeing that at, you know, five o'clock in the afternoon
on the commute home on a Tuesday
would fuck me up.
And that's just the zombie apocalypse
in a fucking fictional world.
Complete mindfuck.
Big time COVID vibes.
Speaking of mindfucks,
we have to watch Jon Favreau,
Happy Hogan, die.
He gets shot with a grappling hook,
pulled into the darkness,
and when he comes out,
he's already a zombie.
And then Sharon turns his little
Iron Man hand against him and blows his own fucking head off like holy shit um now were you like
happy burned you so were you happy to see him get fucking got because i i i was like i was like yeah
you see yeah if you would have went to new jersey a little quicker maybe you would have made it to
the promised land if you never left new New Jersey, you'd still be alive.
Guess what?
He died in New York, didn't he?
And by the way, I had my first Jersey.
I'm just going to say, Taylor Ham, pork roll, whatever the fuck you said.
I heard about that.
I have not pledged my allegiance yet.
It's fucking really good.
Right?
Anyone who goes out there, you go to Jersey, you got to get it.
I got it on a roll.
If you're in North Jersey, it's a Taylor Ham.
If you're in South Jersey, it's a Taylor ham. If you're in South Jersey, it's a pork roll.
Get it right. Yep, exactly. And
again, I'm anti whatever
Philly people say because they're my
rivals in all sports. Then you're probably a Taylor
ham guy. I'm probably a Taylor ham guy. Okay.
It's like a saltier
version of bacon and it's like a little
thinner. You just got to... Almost
like Canadian bacon, but like
a little different flavor. I mean, if you're in Jersey, you got to get one. bacon But like A little different flavor
I mean
If you're in Jersey
You got to get one
Got to get it
That was when my girlfriend
Moved to New Jersey
The first thing that I told her
Like alright
This is kind of the thing
That you get now
You got to try it out
You don't want to hear people
Telling you you have to get it
So just get it now
So then people will be like
I've had it already
Stop fucking bothering me
They're going to show you
Where Bada Bing's is
And they're going to tell you
To get a sandwich
With fucking
Some sort of thinly sliced Pork meat No matter what they call it um we get to see falcon zombie or zombie falcon rather
he flies in i thought it was funny that he was still able to fly use all of his tech as a zombie
and he also gets murdered pretty brutally sorry it's your friend okay yeah um sharon may or i
already said sharon makes zombie, blows his own head off.
Spider-Man pulls the train out of there as they were trying to get it started.
He starts pulling it out, and then the cape saves him from the horde of zombies, and he wears the cape, which I thought was awesome.
Awesome.
There's probably a comic book where he's worn that because I'm pretty sure in Into the Spider-Verse, when they go into the little spider cave and there's all the different suits, I think one of them had the dr strange cape because mile
says like oh look see like spider-man does wear a cape yeah i feel like you might be right about
so i think somewhere down the line there has to be a comic where like that that's actually a thing
that happens right and sienna came in the room at this point and made me watch and i was like
you're not gonna look this is the second one i know you really can't watch and she just fucking
was tickle pink with the cape.
She just loved seeing the cape out there.
The cape is really like, I'm such an asshole
where my favorite Star Wars characters are like a droid, a spaceship.
The cape is moving up my favorite Marvel characters at an alarming pace.
It's like I don't like humans.
I just are living things.
I like fake things.
I'll say this.
You haven't seen Shang-Chi yet.
When you do, you're going to have a new person creature that you fall in love with.
It doesn't even have to say anything, and you're going to fall in love with it.
I'm telling you.
I'm not even going to have to point out who it is.
As soon as you see it, you're going to be like, oh, there it is, and I love it.
And let me see.
The only reason I haven't seen it is because Labor Day weekend, it's like the kids.
It's fucking crazy.
My kids don't start school until September 10th.
Then they're off on Saturday and Sunday. Then I think Monday there's a holiday. So they don't start school until September 10th. Then they're off on Saturday and Sunday.
Then I think Monday there's a holiday.
So they don't go back until Tuesday.
So I just haven't been able to see it.
But everything I'm hearing about it has been great from you,
from obviously the Lights, Camera, Barstool guys,
from just the internet in general.
And it feels like it almost is like Marvel,
these characters that aren't as well known, like the Guardians.
Everyone goes in with maybe lower expectations and they're blown away
and they're like, that fucking movie was awesome.
So you've said it's awesome and again
I've heard nothing but good to great things
which always scares me because then I'm going to be like
what was that all about?
I can't wait to see this
creature. So there will be a My Mom's
Basement at some point. Totally. As soon as you
see it, yeah, we'll do a My Mom's Basement about it
and I interviewed Dallas Liu who plays Awk aquafina's younger brother in the movie he's
got a little his name is aquafina her name is aquafina yeah yeah yeah she's listening to this
is gonna be a prop you can't just leave yourself not in the movie in real life oh okay okay yeah
yeah i was gonna say because that's a water that's a water company it is yes okay all right as long
as i don't know if she was born with that name i don't know if it's her name but she's like that's a water company it is yes okay all right as long as i don't know if she was born with that name i don't know if it's her name but she's like that's who she's billed as in the movie it's just
like share it's just one zendaya yeah yeah she's in crazy rich asians too she's really funny in
that she's a great actress but she plays uh dallas luke plays her younger brother he'll be on the
show when we do the recap that'll be like attached to the episode a big shang chi special um and it's
shang chi not shang chi it's shang chi okay they make it they clarify it special. And it's Shang-Chi, not Shang-Chi. It's Shang-Chi. Okay, good to know.
They clarify it in the movie.
It's like Sean, but like Sean.
It fucked me up.
Tyrod Taylor.
Turad.
He goes by Turad, but he never corrects me.
You know, for a really long time, I would say William Defoe, but it's Willem.
Yep.
That's fucked up, too.
Willem.
Green Goblin.
I mean, that's how you become the Green Goblin.
Everyone keeps calling you William the whole life.
Cap Zombie comes onto the train he kills sharon carter yikes not a good look for my boy cap bucky comes in out of nowhere
though snokes him with the shield like we said wasp actually does the what we wanted thanos to
do or what we wanted ant-man to do to thanos doesn't go up the ass she goes in the mouth
of um zombie sharon and then she gets, but she gets cut in the process.
She starts to become a zombie.
As the train breaks down, she sacrifices herself by becoming super big, carrying everyone over to the camp, puts them down.
And who do we see in there but fucking Vision, that sus motherfucker Paul Bettany.
And he has all of the zombies outside of the fence.
They're not coming in to the camp. And we find out that he is ultimately sus in this episode.
I mean, even more so than he was in the Lights, Camera, Barstool interview
because he's got Scott Lang's head in a jar like it's fucking Walt Disney.
He's like, yeah, I've cured him.
And then we go find T'Challa, prisoner for his zombified wife, Wanda.
He's feeding superheroes, all all people i don't know
just humans to his zombie wife now pretty fucking dark pretty fucking crazy i hear baba yaga and the
witch and i was like i it didn't even register in my brain so i don't know what that says about me
but i was like oh what the fuck is he i'm thinking actually about john wick because they call him
yeah yeah right so i'm like how the fuck is John Wick? That would have been awesome.
Holy shit.
Like I was freaking out about it.
And then, of course, by the way, that's a what if a John Wick zombie movie.
I'm in.
I.
Oh, yeah.
And I saw he's kind of like he looks like John Wick.
Keanu in the new Matrix.
Right.
So we have a lot.
So excited for.
We've talked about my love of the Matrix.
I can't wait to see that trailer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
And I did not
love three but i have hope for three stinks three stinks two was like hit or miss it still had some
of the old pull of it and you were still being told the story three was a goddamn a goddamn
disaster i think i actually did like a uh clickbait clem that john wick was in the mcu it was like a
my mom oh yeah i don't remember how i got there but I remember doing it cat beating Sharon was some dark shit yeah you know what I mean and the fact that
like let's be honest it was kind of like Spider-Man was like the leader of this but it was kind of
like it wasn't even the B team it was the C team it's like the oh yeah happy oh yeah Sharon it was
like that kind of level of people and then they're just getting you know their heads blown off. They're getting eaten. Seeing Bucky use the shield like he did was awesome.
The thing when Watts says, I'm covered in Sharon, that was kind of gross.
That was kind of a gross.
I saw it.
I'm seeing that as the closed caption.
So I didn't like that.
And I don't know if you noticed.
I saw the Watcher when the train passed.
I was like, I did the fucking.
The Rick Dalton.
The Rick Dalton.
Yes.
And Hope, the real MVP.
Like, that's the man you always want to see.
It's it wouldn't have worked for the story.
But seeing a giant zombie where she becomes like, well, she did at the end.
Oh, fuck.
She became and she grabs the ship really briefly for two seconds.
But it would have been cool to see like them have to battle the giant zombie for sure they probably have it like we can only make her do so much or else you have
a giant zombie who's gonna kill everybody yeah point of this episode um wanda is awakened she
kills a bunch of the team she threw bucky into bolivian banner turns into the hulk he fights
wanda while the others escape and they are going to wakanda the promised land and we get to see
a zombie team man at the end they're like and even
you know the world could even end and he's you know he's got the one um mind stone that vision
pulled out of his own fucking head he's like i got a tone for what i did he suicides himself oh my
god vision thanos himself i mean he gave himself the blue screen of death that was that was there
was a lot of shit like when when seeing scarlet Witch as a zombie I was like this is the scariest one
My exact note was she's the most terrifying
Thing this side of Thanos and then
I see the T-Man as a fucking zombie
I'm like wow they tickled
All of my little fancies throughout this
Entire thing just going through the
Infinity War like timeline right
Exactly I appreciate it I hope they don't
I don't think they'll keep going back to I think this was
A special thing and it made it I I think, a little more enjoyable.
They have all.
That's the cool thing about Infinity War in general is I think all of where those characters
were at that time, it made it possible where Black Panther's around and he could be kidnapped
and Wanda and Vision knew each other and they have that relationship that you kind of see
fleshed out in WandaVision.
Also, the Maneater line when he talks about the Maneater,
I fucking love Hall & Oates.
How about the Black Panther line at the end where he was talking about death
and it just seemed like one of those almost from Star Wars
when Mark Hamill says nobody's ever really gone.
It's like, damn, this is fucking...
Did they know that this was going to hit?
Did they pull that line from somewhere else?
Because it just seems so like fitting for
Real life and like all of that. I've been trying to figure out when these were all made to yeah
Like when they actually cuz it's animation and stuff like that. I don't know how it all goes
We have vision Thanos sing himself was just incredible and we've said this I said this I know the first time we saw the whole
More Hulk is better. That's one of the big
Triumphs of think, the animated series
is it's so much easier just to throw the Hulk in.
You don't really get to see him just beat the shit out of things.
It doesn't have the same effect as when he's just hammering a human lobe.
You know what I mean?
But just being able to see him,
and he comes off in the Infinity War.
I thought we were going to get a zombie Hulk as well,
which scared the shit out of me.
Well, I thought he turns into the Hulk to prevent himself from getting bitten.
I think by Wanda,
like,
and she bites his arm when he's the Hulk.
Yeah.
And he's like,
nice save buddy.
I thought,
did she just bite the Hulk,
but not banner.
So the next time he turns into the Hulk,
the Hulk will be a zombie.
And I thought like the team would,
you know,
Oh my God,
he's a fucking zombie.
We got to turn away.
And they have to turn them back into banner somehow.
But that obviously didn't happen. I'm excited for she hulk though because we're supposed to get more
mark ruffalo and hulk in that so hopefully that they'll set that up somewhere the hulk is really
it's a trump card they haven't played because none of the movies really hit right out of his
movies and then he was in ragnarok he was in uh you know avengers and stuff like that but
we don't see him they're two masterpieces hulk's not really the whole even I actually re-watched Endgame Shocker the other
day the portal scene and I'm like you don't really see Hulk there at all you don't really
see him fighting I mean he was trapped underground because he had just done that yeah his arm is all
broken yeah yeah he's he's playing hurt he's he's at 60 because he snapped half the universe you
know what guys I I made the big play so I'm gonna I'm gonna chill back here Hulk's lim. He's at 60% because he snapped half the universe back. You know what, guys? I made the big play, so I'm going to chill back here.
Hulk's limping.
He's like, I'll send Cat back later.
You know what?
I got the late shift.
Yeah.
It's football season here right now.
It's like Hulk is coming in on third downs in the red zone.
He's not coming in.
He's gronk when the back's been acting up, and it's the end of the season.
To make a wrestling reference, he is Brock Lesnar on a part-time schedule.
He'll come in five times a year.
You can still put the strap on him if you want because he's strong,
but he's not going to be doing all the full-time work anymore.
If you see the Hulk, that means someone's paying money for a pay-per-view.
He's not doing it for a fucking Raw horse.
He'll come in, hit an F5, but then he's leaving.
Just one F5, he's leaving.
Now let's bring KFC in and debate some Marvel Barstool what ifs.
Let's go.
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Welcome back to the show.
KFC has now joined us to talk about some Barstool what-ifs.
I unfortunately didn't get a chance to watch this week's episode in time,
but zombies is something I didn't even consider the idea of genre what-ifs,
where it's like we're doing it.
I just thought it would be within the Marvel world,
we change the pieces and the names and a couple storylines.
But now I'm thinking, like, could we do, like, medieval Marvel?
Could we do, you know, all this shit?
You could do anything, you know, fantasy.
Game of Thrones.
A Game of Thrones Marvel crossover would be pretty fucking cool.
Every time we were thrown.
Pretty sick.
Like, we could right some wrongs.
We could use the time stone to go back and redo season eight.
Oh, shit.
And then Thanos winds up at the throne at the end.
Ah, fuck you Bran
imagine that
he was like
he's like
I think it should be
Bran the Broken
and then all of a sudden
a portal opens up
he would just chop
his little fucking
cripple head off
oh you fucking haters
you look like
you're fucking Bran's
doppelganger
so I don't want
to hear anything
out of you
and I called that shit
two seasons earlier
well you know
what the problem was
you were the leader
of the Bran wagon
but like
nobody wanted the Bran wagon to come to fruition.
I don't even know if I did at that point, but I was just like, fuck everybody.
Everyone's crying about like-
How did you know that?
It was weird stoner ass at the end, too.
He would just show up in the background.
That last season was so brutal.
What was so cool about the brand wagon was it had so much potential because he can warg
and he can do the cool shit, except they just didn't do any of that.
No, it was.
He wrote the book.
That was that.
They made him George.
The story.
It was honestly.
It would be like, you know, if Thor didn't use his hammer, you know, if these guys didn't use their their mutant capabilities, it's crazy.
Well, I didn't realize Marvel Zombies was actually a comic book and it was written by robert kirkman who did the walking dead and invincible i i didn't know
until today shout out to a my mom's basement listener actually steven quiglia and he said
they took some of it straight up from that the black panther stuff in this episode is straight
from that he said if you dig zombies if you dig marvel the run by robert kirkman is well worth
the read the fantastic four are also super involved in that
they're not in this episode
but
very cool
the first what if
I wanted to bring up
involves Handsome Hank
and I just
what was that you saw a bug
get closer
no get closer
it wasn't picking up
oh gotcha
you guys what is there a bug
I thought there was a bug
I hate bugs man
I hate bugs
what if
oh man remember that time
your apartment was infested
with the bugs in the mail?
Don't even bring it up.
Don't bring it up.
Don't.
There are bugs in this episode, by the way.
Back to back what if episodes with bugs and I didn't like either of them.
I didn't like any of them.
First what if involves Handsome Hank and I just walked up to him and I read it to him
because I wanted to get his take on it.
Someone wrote in.
They said, what if Hank had listened to Dave when he got fired?
I went up to Hank and I said, what do you think about that?
And he said, history has changed that up a bit.
He said, Dave told him, I think the only way to get this through to Gaz is if you just stop showing up.
So I don't want to see you around anymore.
Hank was like, what does that mean?
So Hank hit up Gaz and Gaz was like, no, just keep coming in.
So really, Gaz is, I think, the watcher who interfered he said you know you shouldn't he
should have just let like you know history take its course but gaz is all about self-preservation
and he's like you know if this means that dave gets to gets a point across on me then like fuck
that so you just keep coming kid gaz is the watcher but he also like oh i can't do anything
he's like no you think he'll be like oh no i can't interfere but he's interfering on the back
end he's texting you don't see him actually like oh no I can't interfere but he's interfering on the back end
he's texting
you don't see him
actually doing shit
you know what's crazy
about this what if
it's like a rare trade
where both sides win
like who would be worse off
kind of a coin flip
like Hank would be like
you know dead in the gutter
probably right
maybe no windows still
yeah
living in an apartment
with no windows
selling museum tickets,
breaking into the Boston Garden with a butter knife.
But Barstool probably doesn't have part of my take.
And those guys probably would have gone on to succeed no matter what.
But that special mix of magic that they have that created the number one podcast in the world might not happen.
So who really loses worse than that one?
It's hard to say.
Like, both sides would have been fucked.
That's a fucking, that is a butterfly.
Like, Hank is a butterfly in this effect.
It fucks everything up.
And, you know, just, and hey, the road to Milton to New York City just wasn't built overnight.
And it took a lot of bricks to be laid.
And it wasn't just Dave laying them, right?
No, I mean, and it was a lot of people, you know and it wasn't just day laying them right no i mean and and it was a lot of people you know brick layers getting fired and just laying bricks
anyway i mean people people who just work here for free where it's like well i'm just gonna keep
coming you know it's like you know the amount of like pro bono work and and shit like that i mean
we could have swapped this around a little bit by the way shout out to terry hesticles he was the
one who sent it in nice Nice. Great name there.
We could swap it around and say, what if Riggs fired me when he wanted to?
There was that time where, you know, I said I was at the math lab, but then he said I went to go see Star Wars, which was kind of true, but not true.
I, you know, spent all day at the math lab.
He called the math lab.
They said I wasn't there.
If he had fired me, I might have just kept showing up.
I might have emailed you.
I might have been like, hey, can I be your intern now?
Can I be your intern now? Can I be your intern now?
Your path would have tweaked a little bit, but there's the variant lines that go like
doink.
You probably just would have found your niche maybe a little bit quicker, to be honest.
Or maybe you would have been so disgruntled and you would have quit and then you would
have joined the graveyard, the zombies of Riggs' fired producers.
What if the island of misfit fired producers from Riggs rebelled one day and came into the office?
Oh, my God.
There's more than a few, right?
Oh, there's like a starting five.
I mean, yeah.
I think you could get like a Julia Louise Dreyfus to round them all up in a in a future cinematic event
robin's life was like be born question mark question mark question mark barstool
he was gonna be barstool no matter what that is for sure i was just like retelling this story to
some people that i had met for the first time this past weekend and it always is strange when i get
to the point where i'm like and i finally get the email back from big cat when i was 14 and he said they couldn't hire me but i took that as
a great sign yeah i mean it's true though it's like you know not yet basically yeah i never i
don't know if i ever told this to anyone um but there there was a time when i was like you know
it's like dave would be like vlog for barstool if you want to get here do whatever you have to do
i was gonna at one point i had thought about just doing the fight club where you show up at the porch and just stay there go
home you know and i'm not leaving and i was like if it ever comes to it could i do that i was like
i think i was gonna i was honestly like it was in like the the realm of you know what the right time
like those those moves either work or like horribly backfire yeah it's like i understand
you're trying to be like persevere here, but like stop fucking
emailing me, you know?
Or it can be like, yo, this kid emails me t-shirts, ideas every day.
I think there was a little bit of both.
Like if you do it now, it's like, dude.
Can't do it now.
We are not where we were in Melted.
Yeah.
Not at all.
Not the way to get in anymore.
Now it's the way to like tweet things and like make content out of our content and just
kind of show it to us and you'll probably get a job that way.
Use whatever like hot social media app is going and use it well.
Yeah.
Mackenzie did that.
You know, that's the way.
Or you look like a video game character, as we've said often about Coach Doug's.
Go viral for the most preposterous reasons.
You can get a job on the spot.
Yeah.
San Francisco.
Right.
That was crazy.
The next one.
Very related to this episode,
what if there were a zombie breakout at HQ?
Now, this gets brought up often.
What if there were a Barstool Hunger Games,
Barstool Survivor, Barstool this?
People always say, you know, oh, the ZeroBlog30 team, they would persevere, they would be the leaders.
What if it was at HQ?
Chaps is in Texas.
Kate's now a new mother.
Cons is probably trying on suits somewhere.
What if they're not here?
Kate's a zombie.
She's a parent.
All the parents here are zombies.
I'm a zombie.
I've been up since 5.30 this morning.
What do you think happens?
And the zombies are fighting each other?
Yes.
What's the best hideout here in the office?
Who makes it out alive?
Who takes charge, you think?
The Yak team has numbers – has strength in numbers because there's like 35 people on that show.
I walk by and that panel just grows wider and wider every day.
It's a Royal Rumble.
They could do their own Royal Rumble.
The other day I walked in.
I don't even know what show it was.
It was Owen, Rhea, Brandon Walker, KB, Duggs, Rudy, and then I came in as a guest.
I was like, what is this panel right now?
That sounds like a random name generator at Barstool.
Really.
It really was.
So they have strength in numbers.
I feel like I've always said that.
The KFC radio studio is a good hideout.
We have a good stronghold, and we'd be the guys.
We'd be like, I'm sorry.
We can't let you in.
There's only enough food for us.
You'd be like, please.
I'd be like, all right, Bob.
You can get out of here.
But you're out.
That's why I said that Team KFC a long time ago for that zombie outbreak.
One day it'll pay off.
I knew this trend one day.
You get the hookup.
Yeah, we would barricade ourselves in there.
We would drink whatever beers in our little mini fridge and eat whatever we got, whatever snacks.
We'd be out on all sorts of 3G.
But I think – That would be like the Zomb the zombie land he wants the twinkies that would be for us the 3g
we're running out there just because we got munchies i think i would we would hold out
because of our our location but to me brother when the zombies come cashing out one way or
another however however i can i'll find a way to kill myself.
You're going to swan dive into a pit of them, yeah.
Yeah, I'm not the type of guy who's – I will not survive.
Life does not find a way with me.
I'm not going to – I'd rather not live a life of anxiety and all that.
I think I'm the – your leg is broken on the Oregon Trail.
You're done.
See you.
Yeah.
I feel like KB would be the – you know how Danny McBride in This Is The End,
they just find him in the house and they're like, oh, my God, you've been here the whole time.
Like, I feel like KB would be like, oh, my God, you're here.
Mantis probably somewhere in the office still sleeping.
Yeah.
Him and Nick are definitely like a pocket of the office of the survivors.
They are like the kings of them.
It's kind of a Mad Maxian feel.
Yeah.
I can see them being like, oh, oh, we've got we have the antidote right here the whole time.
You guys know. Yeah. Yeah. We've the whole time. You guys didn't know?
Yeah.
We've got the thing.
Just put it in.
We're good.
I also just got to say shout out to my team captain.
I just think he can do anything now, Rudy.
Rudy is just well-equipped to do anything, I think.
And so I'm going to ride with him.
I'm still feeling that.
Yeah, still trying to shake that loss off.
You know what?
Don't worry.
You're not alone, brother. Everyone kept talking about an upset week one i said give it a couple weeks
it's not an upset yeah yeah it's an admirable loss for you guys this kills bob i know the honkers
they they like to honk a lot we like perfect name for a lot i don't like to see them getting
we'll be honking by the time this airs we'll probably have already honked
that's what i'll say i'm gonna honk myself later tonight
clem you got some uh i had one this so this one's been kind of bandied about on twitter
a couple people were tweeting it but i had this one a while back what if weird haircut seth
threw the ball 60 yards what would the reaction let's let's literally do it so it was what an
idiot what a fucking idiot.
That was the famous vine that came out of that.
So let's say, airs it out.
Camera spins to Dave Portnoy.
What does he say instead?
What an arm.
What a fucking arm.
He's a genius.
Because he would have been wrong. He would have been like.
His jaw would just be on the ground.
No, no, no.
What he would have said is, he would have been like,'s not really 60 like that so who measured that that wasn't 60
he would have the neck brace on because that always came out whenever he was wrong he would
have said it was 59 and a half he would have he would have had some some excuse or you know what
he could have said that's my campaign manager that That's my manager, man. He could have. We can do anything here.
And that's what happens.
Dave Portnoy becomes the mayor of Boston.
Oh my God.
And because of that,
he turns it into a campaign ad.
He immediately turns to the camera.
He gets the signatures needed, right?
And Weird Hooker stuff,
he's out grinding.
Dave's grinding.
The motivation becomes the next mayor of Boston.
And Dave's always barstool first and foremost.
But you just cannot have the same focus, right?
So maybe the trip to the chicken fries trip doesn't happen.
Don't meet up with Jared Lorenzen.
Churn doesn't get the call.
So there you go.
And then Seth is like his Frankie kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Frankie's just a right-hand guy.
Flipping pizzas forever, you know?
Here's actually kind of a serious what if to play off of that weird haircut set throws the
football 60 yards dave portnoy becomes the mayor of boston just several months later he is the
mayor of boston during the marathon bombing oh my god i mean that was like directly after that
mayoral race that That would be.
Could you imagine if Dave Bourneau was at the helm of Boston during a terror event?
People would probably find a way to blame it on Barstool.
Sure.
They would say Barstool ruined everything.
But, I mean, he would probably give a good speech in the lead up.
He's a good Riley up guy to go back to end game.
He's pretty good at that.
I think Scott Langston is about Captain America. That's what i said about dave after bvt got canceled i was like
man dave's pretty good at that huh and he was always a rely on his cabinet guy i think that
was his plan for mayor anyway so you know the police still would have done their thing but
dave portland would have been given he would someone would have played in the in the walbert
movie in the walbert movie someone would have played him yes definitely definitely and the thing about like big cat's still manhunting the whole time
dan dave's still manhunting the whole time like that kind of shit dave would be manhunting as
mayor or as a blogger like that didn't matter here's here's another uh what if so i was watching
the uh the 9-11 uh turning point on netflix right And they kept showing the passports
and the visas of the terrorists.
And all of them were like 5'4".
Oh, really?
5'6".
Much of short guys?
Tiny guys that were considered the muscle
because there was one guy who was flying the plane
and then they were the muscle.
So I started thinking maybe Mark Wahlberg
wasn't really lying when he said
this would have gone down differently.
So what if Mark Wahlberg stopped the hijacking of Flight 93?
Or any of the planes, actually.
Statues everywhere, right?
Statues everywhere?
Everywhere.
There's a chance he becomes the president.
There's a chance he becomes something bigger than the president.
You know how the world looks in the MCU after Iron Man makes the sacrifice?
Like that.
That's that.
Yes.
Everywhere.
Wahlburgers takes over McDonald's.
Every all day.
New kids on the block.
Freedom fries.
The Wahlburger goes through the roof.
Everyone's waking up at 330 in the morning.
We're living on his schedule now because everybody wants to be Marky Mark.
Marky Mark gets over on Drake like this is him in a rap battle.
You know, he would be the king.
He would be like The Rock now.
I would love to see that variant universe.
Remember how much attention The Rock got just for tweeting about Osama Bin Laden first?
He broke it.
The Rock.
Mark Wahlberg stopped 9-11.
The hero of all heroes.
You guys said it perfectly.
Like, Tony Stark.
And before Endgame, it was always Harry Stamper.
Where I was like, the world would have to have Harry Stamper Day.
His birthday is a worldwide holiday.
Everyone's off from school.
Everyone just does whatever.
It's a holiday.
It would be a Mark Wahlberg day, wouldn't it?
Like 9-11 would be.
Never forget what Wahlberg did for us.
When's Mark Wahlberg's birthday?
That would be like.
That would be a national holiday.
Yeah, exactly.
How old is Wahlberg, you think?
I would bet high.
50?
I would bet high 40s, low 50s.
June 5th, 1971.
So 50, just turned 50, right?
Yeah.
Fucking Price is right.
Give me the sofa.
Yeah.
Give me a sofa.
This Wikipedia would be a lot longer, too.
I mean, it's by no means paltry, but you save the fucking...
He would be an icon.
He'd have a head on Mount Rushmore.
I heard that all of the terrorists got their fake IDs from down the shore in Jersey,
and that's why they're so strict about it down there at the Avalon.
I heard that Quigs made all of their...
Oh, no.
Oh, no, Quigs.
I mean, since we were growing up, I got my ID, my fake ID ID, I think the summer of 2020 from Canal Street, you know, and then.
Wait, what?
The summer of 2020?
2000.
2000.
Oh, that was really fucking weird.
I was just like, I knew what he meant.
Like dad brain.
I was just like, no, he didn't mean 2020.
Yeah.
The summer 2000.
And then all the kids are coming next year.
They're like, you can't get fake IDs.
Yeah.
I got I got one from a kid, my buddy, who had a roommate in NYU who was like a genius.
And this was back when before the old IDs.
Remember they had that like matte feeling to them?
So he would take a MetroCard and put it in the middle.
And then he had that weird material that he would like glue around it.
So it had the right bend and all that.
I mean, it was a masterpiece. Could it it scan did he have someone that could scan uh how did you not use brendan's id oh i know i did oh yeah yeah yeah i i mean i i
never i i once so in the very beginning i had brend's fake id so he before he was 21 he had
a fake id that then passed to me before you could get a replacement license. And it said like 1976 or something.
I was like 40 or something on the ID.
And then once he got his license, I used his permit.
And then he just said he lost his license and got a replacement for me.
And I was gravy for the rest of my life.
I don't think I ever got rejected anywhere.
I hated people that had the older brother.
And we looked alike too.
So it was cake.
It was brutal for me.
I, at the beginning of Barstool, once used Glennie Ball's fake ID and got into a place. And we looked alike, too, so it was cake. It was brutal for me.
I, at the beginning of Barstool, once used Glennie Ball's fake ID and got into a place.
I just took my glasses off, and I'm telling you, this ID was pretty decent for Balls.
It kind of looked like Glennie Ball's. Really?
It did not look like me at all.
I got in.
I forget what place it was, but I remember getting in.
And then that was actually the infamous night where me and Riggs got into a big fight
over Star Wars. And then
the next day, Clem had to come over.
Because me and Riggs were having a good time.
We high-fived over the Rebels blowing up to Death
Star. And all of a sudden, he said, I don't consider
any of the new movies Star Wars movies
because George Lucas didn't
make them. And I was like, well, they're still Star Wars.
He was like, Rogue One, none of it. No.
You don't say that in Bob's house.
Yeah, I was very upset.
We got into a fight in a bar.
It was all a thing.
The Bouncers separated us.
They threw us both out.
No, none of that.
But we did get into a disagreement.
Underrated what if with this guy?
Do you remember when you went at – was it Con Isles you went at?
No, I thought I was going at Con Siles.
There was Con Isles and there was Captain Con.
I thought I was going at Con Siles.
I went at Captain Con.
Yes. And then Con Siles and there was Captain Cons. I thought I was going to Con Siles. I went at Captain Cons. Yes.
And then Con Siles got so mad at me.
The back and forth we had, he was like, who are you, you chump or something?
And I was like, you'll know my name, brother, I swear.
And he's like, I don't think I will.
And I was like, trust me, you will.
He does.
He did.
I know his name, though, Con Siles.
Still got it out for that guy.
I don't care.
Big Cat tweeted this Saturday morning, I guess it was.
8.32 a.m.
What if I just didn't lose a single bet today?
And that spiraled the what if Big Cat had the sports almanac and lived like Biff Tannen.
We've all had that thought.
I remember when we watched Back to the Future 2, i was like if i got the the handbook if you had the almanac how often would you sprinkle in a loss to keep
the people being like i don't know he does lose sometimes you have to because i don't know if
you've seen the james franco series uh 11 like 363 he goes back and he immediately has all the
winning bets someone like gave it to him so he
puts in like crazy parlay on a boxing match like i bet he wins in the eighth round i bet this happens
and immediately everyone in town is like uh what the fuck happened there buddy he said don't cause
any big distractions so i think you got to mix in a pretty decent amount of losses yeah like every
like every week you just gotta figure it yeah some L's. Yeah, you got to figure out how to slowly but surely accumulate gross.
And then I think what you do is one day have a bananas parlay,
which is okay to like, I'm a gambler, you guys know me,
and then one day throw out the big one.
But I also think that Vegas and sometimes, I mean,
it would never happen here at Penn because they're just loyal and honorable people.
But when Vegas found out people were counting cards,
they were just like, no, you can't do that.
You're going to beat us using your brain?
Dana White's banned from a bunch of casinos.
He doesn't even count cards.
He just wins.
Who's this?
Dana White.
Really?
Yeah, he wins in blackjack, so he's banned from the palm.
He's banned from multiple casinos.
So they can just take their ball and go home.
If you start winning, you're out.
Yeah, one day they could just be like,
this parlay makes no sense.
We're not giving you your $20 million.
But yeah, if you play it right, you could make a shit ton of money.
And Dan, Dan the winner.
I mean, it's much like a what if with me and my sports teams.
It's Dan with money.
But, you know, all those shots of him like laying on the street in a Wisconsin sweater.
Like shots of him like jumping up up Like wouldn't it be great
To have a Marty McFly moment
The one where Dave has
The look of the devil
And Dan's all dejected
And then the picture fades
And like Dan comes up
And Dave goes down
You know
Yeah yeah yeah
As like Earth Angels
Playing in the background
Someone has to fucking
Photoshop that
Dave has the sad face
Nick Hammy will do that.
He doesn't have enough to do.
I'll tell him this and he'll be like,
oh, I'm going to do that
until five in the morning tonight.
Our friends at HelloFresh are back.
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and free shipping on me now let's get back
into the show what if ESPN never got rid of Van Talk yeah you just had the PFT uh by the blog
he was uh he was incredible and we talked about it and he was kind of like
he after the fact he had the for like this the site to be like this was never gonna work but
in the moment he was like I made made it to ESPN, my dream.
And now he's like, it never was going to work,
and we shouldn't have even got our hopes up sort of thing.
But in the moment, obviously.
But I think, again, it's best for everybody.
I don't think you want to be on an ESPN show anymore.
I think you want to be PMT espn show anymore yeah i think you want to be pmt it definitely
added skyrocketing on your own and like you're not on the mothership and just underneath like
scott van pelt and the big dogs like you're your own you're your own thing so and what but i would
on the blog too saying like rather get canceled after one then get canceled after like eight i i
think getting canceled after one he said was because you know that that is a network issue
and not a you issue.
But more importantly, I think it's better – it's funnier to be walking around.
It's like a trivia answer.
You know what I mean?
How many episodes were there?
And they did the event like on the anniversary.
They did an event at the Gramercy a few years ago where they like sold it out, did a screening of the episode.
Yes.
I think that's so funny.
At pop shows, we play the theme song and people like go crazy.
They still know the lyrics. Now it becomes like a cult classic thing. Exactly. One episode.
There's the like unaired episode two.
That's like so still floating in the ether.
Exactly.
That's like sort of a funny thing about it.
How about what if.
Have you seen how much Doug Dukes looks like Kid Leroy.
Do you know Kid Leroy.
Yeah I know Kid Leroy.
I guess he kind of does.
I was trying to think of like a some sort of hypothetical where Dukes becomes Kid Leroy? Yeah, I know Kid Leroy. I guess he kind of does, doesn't he? Bro, I was trying to think of some sort of hypothetical where Dukes becomes Kid Leroy.
He posted a picture yesterday where I was like, I can't even believe this.
It was him and Obi Toppin.
I actually still don't know to this day if I was like, I mean, that's fucking Kid Leroy.
I saw the comparison.
Well, I think that is Kid Leroy.
That's what I was wondering.
I was like, but I don't know because like, is that Dukes or Kid Leroy. That's what I was wondering. I was like, but I don't know because
is that Kid Leroy?
That looks a lot like Dukes.
That's Kid Leroy, right?
Oh, shit. What if
Dukes is Kid Leroy?
PFD was just talking about
commitment to the character. What if
Dukes and Kid Leroy
had one of those Jason Bateman,
Ryan Reynolds, Freaky Friday movie swaps where all of a sudden Kid Leroy comes in.
The ancient one split them.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, that's what happened.
And there's a good Dukes and a bad Dukes.
It's Kid Leroy who's living like a millionaire because he's breaking the rules of the universe.
And there's just like idiot Dukes getting suspended over here at Barstool.
I felt bad for him when he was suspended because when Dave talked about the meeting where he came in and he was just like, I don't know what happened.
I'm just dumb.
You know what, though?
I ultimately don't feel bad for him because there is no way payroll stopped his paychecks.
No chance.
Oh, true.
There was no chance that was an unpaid suspension.
Yeah.
He got a monthly suspension.
I'd get suspended for a month.
Hell yeah.
What am I going to do?
I was going to say, how can we do that?
Am I going to drop a slur or something? Yeah, just go talk to Larch. He could probably figure out a few different ways to get you to try month. Hell yeah. What am I going to do? I was going to say, how can we do that? Am I going to drop a slur or something?
Yeah, just go talk to Larch.
He could probably figure out
a few different ways to get you in trouble.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.
He would be a good mentor.
We had a couple come in.
What if,
these are sports ones,
the Red Sox never traded Babe Ruth,
so then it's like,
do the Red Sox then become
what the Yankees were?
That's one of those macro what ifs.
That changes the lives of so many people.
I mean, that changes the entire region.
Boston and New York.
Do you then become Portnoy?
Are you then like the scrappy New York?
We always said that the New York Irish guy and the Boston Jewish guy didn't make sense.
It should be the opposite.
We should have swapped.
I should be the Boston Irish guy.
He should be the New York Jew.
So that could have come about.
Boston could have been what they are now and what New York is.
New York's been the city of losers.
Boston's been the winners, except it just would have happened
in the 1900s instead of the 2000s.
But that's
Babe Ruth as a Red Sox
his whole life is... Babe Ruth probably
doesn't go off the deep end
as much too, right? Because you're not in the big city.
Boston's no small town or anything, but
it's not New York.
What if he pitched instead of bat, instead of became a batter?
There's a lot you can do.
Sports box can go.
All of a sudden?
Yeah.
I mean, it's basically – what if Otani is Babe Ruth?
What if Otani was fat?
What if Otani was fat and ate hot dogs and was a drunk womanizer?
It's funny to think about.
This is my – I have a conspiracy theory that Babe Ruth is a time traveler.
Yeah.
And he went back in time and said, what should I do?
You go back in time, you're like, I'm physically better than everyone in that era.
Yes.
Being a baseball player in the 20s, that's like the dream life.
It's what we just said.
It's a movie I'd like to see.
So Otani is a time traveler.
And he went back as Babe Ruth, right?
And it's what we said about like, you got to sprinkle in some losses.
He was like, all right, I'll get fat because I can't be shredded.
If you sent an athlete back now, they'd look like a fucking Marvel superhero.
What are you?
Yeah, it's like we just lift a couple weights here and there,
and these guys are sleeping in hyperbaric chambers and doing injections and shit.
So he goes back, and he's like, I'm going to hit 150 home runs a year.
So let me eat some hot dogs and get drunk, but I'll still hit like 60.
More than every other team, right?
Other than certain teams.
I mean, that makes more sense.
That's like ancient alien shit where it's like,
how was Da Vinci so smart?
It makes more sense that aliens planted knowledge in his brain
that he was just smarter than everyone.
That's Babe Ruth.
And then someone, Allison said,
what if Steph Curry fell to the Knicks?
I'm convinced.
He'd be terrible.'s ankle just explode.
Oh yeah.
Never like recovers.
Cause they completely mismanage itself.
No doubt his life.
Oh no.
You actually,
you know what,
you know what,
what if Steph Curry fell to the Knicks?
The Knicks wouldn't have drafted him.
It would have fallen to the ninth pick.
Like they just would have passed on him there too,
because that's what they do.
They,
you,
what if Steph Curry fell to the Knicks?
They still would have drafted Ronaldo Bachman or whoever it was that year.
It was fucking,
um, what's his name, too?
The worst part, Jordan Hill.
And I remember everyone had Jordan Hill.
He didn't work out for the Warriors.
They take him.
I thought they were going to take Jordan Hill because he kind of fit as that forward that would be in the Don Nelson system.
Nope, they draft Steph Curry.
You know what happens, though?
I bet you Sonja and Dell are still together because it's like you don't hit that superstardom pitch.
And you're kind of just like, I mean, I don't know what went on with Dell back in the day, but that broke my heart.
That was tough.
That was a very tough one.
I've just been lost for 30 seconds to a minute.
Kevin, thank you for joining us for the What Ifs.
You got it.
You sent me into a different multiverse.
Yeah.