My Therapist Ghosted Me - A Chef, A Sommelier & Some Stuff In The Pipeline

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Who likes episodes where Joanne is on holiday and didn't come to a record on the day she was supposed to because she had a drink? Roll up! Find out why Lisbon is the best, how the new dog is getting on, how the old dog is getting on and how you should cheat in a chess tournament, if you ever need to. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Only a day late because Joanne McNally was having the best day of her adult life yesterday and there was nothing we could do to make her record the pod. I won't be shamed. I'm 40 years of age now. I do what I want. I'm in my Britney's chapter. I was, I was, I was having the best day of my adult life. I sent that, I texted that, didn't I? You did, you did. Yeah, I did.

And do you know what? I don't regret it. It sounds a bit over the top now, but no, I was having the best day of my adult life. I had a couple of drinks at breakfast and wouldn't, in fairness now, it hasn't been a boozy holiday, but yesterday kind of,

well, it was what it was. And then I I was I was pissed she was pissed she was trying to she was trying to read she wanted to do the podcast

at three instead of two and I was like I could do half two and then she called me and as soon as she goes back back

back I was like oh no no no she's repeating my name too much she can't record the part yeah no do you know what I actually rang Joe and was talking to him and I was like, oh no, no, no. She's repeating my name too much. She can't record the pod. Yeah, I know.

Do you know what? I actually rang Joe and was talking to him and I was like, can I record the pod? And he went, no, mate. So then I was like, okay, fine. He sends check to me and was like, it's not the day. No, you don't understand, Bec.

You don't understand. I'd use my hands a lot. I know myself. The towels were there. We'll give it a go today. I'm trying to be on holidays. Joanne, I'm sorry. You can use the holiday stuff

for two weeks. Three at a push. We're not going into four weeks. She gets two weeks holiday every 12 weeks. Yeah, you get two weeks holiday from this pod every 12 weeks. You're not on holidays from the pod. I'm not going into four weeks. She gets two weeks holiday every 12 weeks. Yeah, you get two weeks holiday from this pod every 12 weeks. You're not on holidays from the pod. I'm a mother vogue. Oh, no, I'm not. Thank God.

There I was, rushing home after buying Theodore's new school shoes. Blah, blah. Why is he fucking, why are you even putting him in shoes? He's grand. The little thing These little navy shoes He had on He was thrilled

At himself He was running around The shop To see if they Would make him faster Little posh feet With jewels on them Little there

What are they called Kickers Do you remember the kickers Swarovski feet Go on So there's When I was in school We had

We all kind of Do you remember the Ah Sorry my I fucking I don't understand What's wrong with your fingers Why are they infected?

Basically I've left Acrylics on too long And obviously something's Gone in Under On two of them And they're like Agony

See like this is why I don't Like I don't Manicure Groom the nails I'm always embarrassed Of my hands but I'd rather not have sore fingers.

I know and I do the nails I do the nails thing and you're always going why like I love nails but then the upkeeping

like see half of them are gone and this one's infected. I know. I couldn't even keep up with the shellacks. I was like no I'm not doing the shellacks anymore

I can't be bothered. Then I was like I the shellacks anymore. I can't be bothered. Then I was like, I'll do the polish. Now I can't be bothered with the polish. There's just nothing. It's kind of odd that you don't do your nails.

Like it seems like your nails would be something you would do. Very special occasions. Like I'm hosting something next week. So I'm going to get my nails done next Monday and I'm already like,

oh God. But there's a girl I know, T, who does them in 40 minutes. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm her to get my nails done next Monday and I'm already like oh god but there's a girl I know T who does them in 40 minutes oh yeah yeah hands and feet yeah yeah I can handle 40 minutes did I put her on to you

or did you put her on to me Becky put her on to both of us our friend Becky oh yeah fair friend is now a girl who's like a wizard she's very quick I wanted to take

ownership of T but so tell us about your week oh are we recording will we get started Jo Jo fire up the internet there Jo

let's do this I'm in Lisbon I'm on a holiday again on a holiday I'm on a holiday. Again, on a holiday. I'm on a holiday, Vogue. Let those in glass houses in St. Barts not thrift stores.

I have not been to St. Barts in nearly two years, my friend. I am no longer a Caribbean bitch since lockdown. Anyway, I'm on holidays in Lisboa. I call it Lisboa now because I'm a local. Yeah.

And do you know what I will say? Listen, I love Ireland. I love Ireland. I go there loads. I'm from there. I'm Irish. I've got shamrock in my veins. However,

what I will say is that Lisbon's fucking deadly. Like, I was talking to, so Justin is an old friend of ours. He's a sommelier. He was in Ireland.

He's moved to Lisbon. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, by the way, don't drink with the sommelier folk. Well, you don't really drink with them. I won't.

I don't think that's going to be an issue in my life. No, I don't think it will. You're like, what year is that Blue Wicked? West Coast Coolers? You're like, mmm, skimming lemon because it's Blue Wicked.

He was like, so he went to this restaurant that he works in. It was absolutely stunning like kind of it was all veggie I was going to say but gorgeous but I shouldn't say the book

because veggie food is gorgeous one of the best starters I ever had was in the Gables in Fox Rock very Southside experience obviously

because I am from the Southside I told him the vegan tacos to start are one of the nicest things I've ever put in my mouth and I'm

40 years of age a lot of shit's gone in there okay I'll take your word for it but I don't disagree I swear to god the vegan tacos I don't know how

they've made them I don't know what they are they're massive anyway back on track Lisboa so you're going to a veggie restaurant

went to a veggie restaurant Went to a veggie restaurant This is what I was going to say Justin The sommelier I was like He's pouring the wine That's a lovely word Isn't it?

Sommelier Sommelier yeah It sounds fancy It's up there with autumnal I know you love that word Our autumnal tour Our autumnal tour What do you want me to say?

No say it Our pump garage Our last day season tour Like it's autumnal It brings me pleasure When I hear autumnal tour what do you want me to say our pump guarantee last day season tour like it's autumnal it brings me pleasure when I hear autumnal I'm just changing over to my autumnal wardrobe out comes the hoover

I'm this close to doing it it's getting cold in London the cults are going out letting the air out of the bags where was I oh yeah It's getting cold in London. The colds are going out. Letting the air out of the bags. Where was I? Oh yeah. Being served by a sommelier

is grand and all and they give you all the info because he's like what wine do you drink? And I was like I drink wine like Pinot out of a petrol station

so whatever you have like it's grand. So he's like oh well he's telling me about the wines and I'm like yeah cool. Yum, wine. Put it in the glass. But sommeliers because they want you Grant like So he's like Oh well he's telling me About the wines And I'm like Yeah cool Yum wine

Put it in the glass But sommeliers Because they want you to like Enjoy what's in the glass Very scabby serving sizes I said Justin What's going on here now

I said That's like a shot I'm going to need more I said I'm going to need I'm used to like A Wetherspoon size Serving a wine

So I This like I don't give a fuck What it tastes like I'm not to need I'm used to like A Wetherspoon size Serving of wine So I This like I don't give a fuck What it tastes like I'm not a fancy girl Like I'm not I'm listening to you

Out of politeness But like I don't give a shit Just fucking put it in And pour as you talk I don't know Wait around Yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes I don't know Whether it's better To not say anything While they pour So they feel the pressure Or to chat while they pour So they kind of forget What they're doing I never know I would just think while they pour so they kind of forget what they're doing

I never know I would just think once they're not chatting and then holding off on pouring it's like you know when you go to a fancy restaurant

and the portions are just so small like I have to have a pre-dinner dinner for that stuff I hate not getting enough food I was in

I was in Glen Africa at the weekend and when I say on holidays well no I wasn't on holidays I was still working very hard there I was

I was filming a lot of content and doing a lot of podcasts yeah I don't know if you saw the videos I posted of Lisbon and some meetings about my show so I'm extremely busy

a lot of content creation happening in Lisbon at the moment a lot of prawns very busy girls a lot of wines a lot of content I would say

your content was fantastic yesterday I'm still drunk I'm still drunk I know A lot of content. Your content was fantastic yesterday. I'm still drunk. I know. I know. What can I say? I'm enjoying my life.

I'm enjoying watching your life. I'm enjoying watching you do your life. But like I was in Glen Africa and to say, like there's a chef up there, his name is Hayden. People were asking me who was cooking the food. Like obviously I wasn't cooking stuff that nice. On a relatability factor, I'm in an Airbnb. His name is Hayden. People were asking me who was cooking the food. Like obviously I wasn't

cooking stuff that nice. On a relatability factor, I'm in an Airbnb. But talk about your chef. Go on. Okay. Okay. You were just out

with your sommelier. Yeah, but that just happens to be. Yeah, you're not my personal sommelier. She brings a sommelier everywhere she goes, okay? I flew him to Lisbon to make sure I was drinking correctly. Oh, have my earphones disconnected?

No, I don't think so. But one just fell out. Can you hear? Yeah, then they're fine Anyway So Your chef Yeah When

No he's not my chef He's the chef Of the place that we visited Oh Stop It's too late Go on My chef is called

Jean-Claude You know that I wasn't going to bring that up I've always felt That's a no no go on the podcast we don't mention the personal chef anyway so I was up there and you know when you actually eat so much

food because like you'd have a big breakfast and you'd have a big lunch then he would have like cake in the afternoon then you'd have a big dinner I felt like the whole weekend I was kind of dragging myself around the the hills and the loch as they would say I was so like when you eat so and you're so gluttonous like I was like I never there was never space never space and if there was never hunger yeah there was I

couldn't remember the last time I'd felt hungry. And then it reminded me of my stepdad. He used to have an auntie and her name was Auntie Netta. And I remember her coming up to our house and she would pack away so much food that she would then have to take to the couch. And she would have to lie flat because she'd feel so ill. And I watched her do that when she came and stay with us. Three meals in a row. It's like she never learned. I kind of was,

I anti-netted myself around Scotland all weekend. As you should. Like, eating is so important and so good. It's so pleasurable.

It's so pleasurable. And I'm away with my friend, Áine, who, Áine was heavily involved when I was incredibly unwell. Yeah.

And she was actually one of the main people who helped me accept that I was fucked in the head rather than just on a vanity project. Yeah. And I was talking about food, which I enjoy it now, and she was like, she actually got kind of emotional. It's so nice to hear you love just food and eating and like it's just

it's such a it's such a gorgeous thing to do with your friends to be able to enjoy to not stress about it to not be worried about fucking calorie

blah blah blah it's just so nice to just do it and enjoy it and I feel very lucky that I'm at that place now yeah it is a good it is a good spot to be at though it's nice to it's amazing and as you say and enjoy it and I feel very lucky that I'm at that place now yeah it is a good

it is a good spot to be at though it's nice to it's amazing and as you say I mean I still puke it up but I really enjoy it when I eat it

come here to me I have to introduce you to my auntie Sharon she's the fancy auntie with the she's the triple wick woman who has these like

huge triple wick candles just burning around her calf she said a line and I actually had to write it down she was talking to my uncle Jim and my uncle Jim's a little bit older than her

and he was like would you be having would you be having a glass of wine a day Sharon and she was just like Jesus Jim why would you suffer without it

and I thought you and Joanne would get on like a house on fire. House on fire. Shaz. Yeah. I'm going to get you guys to meet up.

I've only just started watching Bad Sisters. I think Sharon Horgan would want to watch out if I ever see her again. I'm addicted to her. Oh. Why are you white knuckling the chair you look like

I just love her so much Sharon Horgan in Catastrophe and now I love her in Bad Sisters and she wrote them like she's just

she's fab she's fab she's so cool she's really fucking cool I'm not going to ask again right I'm not begging I want you to write us

a sitcom and I want to be in it well I'd like to write a sitcom but it's want you to write us a sitcom and I want to be in it well I'd like to write a sitcom but it's really hard I'm not interested in that I want you to write the sitcom I had a sitcom option before

do you remember that yeah but there you go go back and work on that one they bought us and then they were like now you're grand did you still get the money for it yeah they paid me a fee

to kind of own it for a couple years and they shop me a fee to kind of own it for a couple of years. And they shopped it around and no one wanted it. Still? You still had a sitcom paid for. That's fine. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure

I write sitcoms. Yeah, that's it. Joanne writes sitcoms. Okay, Joanne, I know that you want to do this so we're going to start with this. Go on. Okay.

Because I enjoy Joanne selling our tour dates so much brain worm in the brain is it the worm in the brain it's not the worm in the brain oh what are you talking about

the worm in the brain yeah I sent it to the WhatsApp group your woman with the worm in the brain Jo like what when did you send it in

maybe I sent it to my mum anyway so you can tell me about that after so I'm obsessed with Joanne selling our tour dates like so obsessed with it that I wanted to try and get Jo with Joanne selling our tour dates like so obsessed with it that I wanted to try

and get Joanne to sell other things because she's so good at it now she's kind of not she's got mixed feelings on this topic but she's going to give it a go for us

I'm going to start with something easy right okay I'm going to read you the press relief I have right no you send it to me

and then I'll read it and sell it is that not what the deal is well it is in the notes what notes I'm on holidays I'm not fucking reading No, you send it to me and then I'll read it and sell it. Is that not what the deal is? Well, it is in the notes. What notes? I'm on holidays. Do you know what Joanne did yesterday?

She won't even know how mean it was. Pete texts the group and he was like, notes are all in, gang, because we have a guy, Pete, who writes up all the notes for us. And he goes, I'm not going to lie, Pete, I never look at the notes, but thanks. I said, Pete, there's no stress from my side. I said I never open them. Don't worry.

Do you even know how to open them right now or will I screen grab this and send it to you? No, no, no, no, no, no. I can all access my emails. I just didn't want Pete to be stressing when there was... I read it. I use the notes a lot. I do the notes with him.

And I would appreciate if somebody else would poke her nose in every so often. Pick a lip balm is this is peaches made this shit up is this real these are real things that you can buy you can buy something called pizza

which means that you can it's a it's like a cookie cutter thing but it's for pizza so you can like if you're obsessed with feets you can cut out a a foot shaped piece of pizza

Pickle lip balm. Who doesn't want to taste pickles all day? Makes quite a deal. Delicious. Stocking stuffer for pickle lovers. Oh, that is so weird. Did you see my content? Yesterday with the olive stuffed little gherkins.

The olive stuffed little... Now, I hate olives, but I in little gherkins the olives stuffed in little now I hate olives but I like the gherkin I'm basically Steven Spielberg if I wasn't yeah you really

sold them to me I love when you're we bought we bought olives Jo wait for this wait for this wait for this twist we bought what we

thought were just olives yeah but they were stuffed with gherkins It's too much It's too much man

You can get Olive stuff with garlic And stuff as well I've seen them You know That's normal Gherkins is Not normal

Gherkins Like you don't put No one else in the world Puts gherkins in a fucking olive I would put gherkins It's next level It's next level snacking And I'm doing it

Because I'm living my best life Tell me the pickle lip balm Did I not sell it to you You've not bought. And I'm doing it. Because I'm living my best life. Tell me the pickle lip balm. Did I not tell it to you? I bought it already. I just said it. Mobile phone cage. Break a bad habit. You need to.

You need a key to open up. You can't just read what we've written. You have to do your own stuff. I can only work with what I've been given okay you can't I can only read

what you've sent I've sold it well sell me this pizza sorry get those sexy corns out the best present for the foot lover in your life. A cookie cutter style mold in the shape of a foot

that you can use to shape any, turn any pizza into a pizza. So it's not a pizza, it's a pizza. This is very, well, all I will say is I can't imagine I'd get a penny out of Dragon's Den for any of this shit. I would say, to be honest with you, yeah, I would agree, actually. I mean, you know what I mean? That's the whole point. Just suck a real foot.

Like, you don't need to eat a pizza. I wouldn't be into sucking feet now, I have to say. I've had an old toe sucked and I'm not into that. I'm not a feet person. Like, I'm not not a a feed person but I have no interest in Alan's feet they're like squig they're like rocking off

in different directions I mean if you're gonna suck anything my toe is the last thing the last port of call come on yeah straight on to the clitoris

I probably get more raised by the nose you know suck on my nose obviously not my nose is not my first port of call either guys Jesus

is your clit in your nose yeah supposedly have you moved it that's how you test dildos Not my nose is not my first port of call either, guys. Jesus. Is your clit in your nose? Supposedly, that's how you test dildos, is to put them on the tip of your nose, remember? I heard, I heard. Yes, we learned that in our kink class that we did for that show. No, the show's actually coming out. It is coming out. Joanne and I have a TV show coming out that we filmed last year.

We do. Is it just the one episode? Let me just see, right? It's on the 21st of September. So we are on the 21st of September. Joanne and I have a TV show coming out. And actually, we're very excited about it. What channel is it on?

It's on E4 on the 21st of September. Now, I might have spilled the beans on something there, but you know what? I don't care. We've been waiting for ages and now it's coming out. We made it 20 years ago and they're finally agreeing to air it. But actually, I will say,

when we went in to do the VO, because you have to do the voiceover for the narration bits. I love doing voiceovers with you, by the way. We had a fun day didn't we yeah we did have a nice day actually when I watched it

and I'm very harsh on well myself anyway I actually really I actually really enjoyed it I was like this tips along it tips along

it's it's funny it's light it's very light it's an easy watch yeah it's an easy watch you'll learn a few bits. There's some spanking in there.

And do you know what as well? Do you know what as well? Just put it on. You don't need to watch it. Just put it on. Just put it on. Get us the numbers in. Go on Instagram.

Put the show on. Go on Instagram. Grant. Like, nothing big. Just hashtag us and tell us it's amazing. Nothing huge. Nothing huge. Yeah, nothing big.

Lies. Just lies. And also record it on your TV too because then that's also put into consolidated figures so that will also help us out yes

they might get forced into a series with us Joanne you know Joanne just wants to travel travel travel with her work I'm excited for our year of travel this year

there's a lot of travelling going on we've a lot of we've something we've things we've things in a pipeline. There's a lot of travelling going on. We've a lot of travel. We've something, we've things, we've things in a pipeline. Yeah, there is a pipeline of stuff. There's a full pipeline

full of stuff that we have. I love when you have stuff you can't talk about. Sorry, we can't talk about it. It's so rare that we have stuff we can't talk about. Credit where credit's due yeah

lot of people complimenting my tan are you wearing a tan I am and so shout out to Sandra Pegg because it is did you see

oh this was so I actually want to get your opinion on this because it was so bad but so good because the level of revenge oh this was so I actually want to get your opinion on this because it was so bad but so good because

the level of revenge is spectacular worm in the brain no it's not worm in the okay just tell us

what's the worm in the brain there was a woman who had a worm in her brain that's disgusting a red worm that looks like one of the worms right that you get

in a jacuzzi from Legionnaire's disease how the fuck have you not heard about the worm in the brain it's big news but how do they get it one of the worms, right, that you get in a jacuzzi from Legionnaire's disease. How the fuck have you not heard about the worm in the brain? It's big news. But how do they get it out of the brain? It's up there. Was she dead?

Is she dead? Oh, I don't know. No, she's not dead. She's not dead. She's alive. She's alive and well. That looks like a piece of brain, though. It's a red worm.

She had a fucking live worm wriggling around in her brain. Like how? I don't know how we got it. I'll be totally honest honest I just read the headline and I was like oh you've been pushing this story

and all you've read is the headline you know nothing else about it well I was hoping you would know Vogue like you sent it to Pat

you didn't even send it to me how can I research it sorry I sent it to my mother of course well it was a three-inch worm. Oh, my God.

That is disgusting. Go on. Tell us about it there. Tell us about it there, Vogue. Okay. So, it was an Australian woman. A three-inch worm was found alive in her brain. It was pulled from her frontal lobe in Canberra.

Oh, my goodness. Let's see. She suffered for months with symptoms like stomach pain, a cough and night sweats, which evolved into forgetfulness and depression. She had an atypical lesion on the right front of the brain. Oh my goodness.

It was a rat. Now, I tell you what. So if you get in, that's disgusting. How'd it get in? How'd it get in? That's what I was wondering. How'd the worm get in?

They don't know how it got in, but he was able to feel something and he took his tweezers and pulled it out. I know. It came off snake poo. It came off snake poo. Joe, you better be careful.

It did. So she was cleaning up in a garden and it's a worm that lives in the gut of snakes. It came off of the grass she was picking up and it went into her head. Into her nose. Jo, that sounds...

It's vague. I get what I've said. Here, Joanne, he knows more than you bloody know. This is why women shouldn't have gardens because they're... That is... It's a dangerous space. I wouldn't be able to handle that now

something like that knowing that's why like I told you all like I'm moving I'm moving out when the kids get nits I'm not staying there I can't be around for that

I cannot stand like if I got worms like worms you know the way people get worms I would hate that they are nits are

remember like they're tiny animals in your hair oh god I wouldn't be able that's why I wouldn't be able but that worm looks like if you get in a jacuzzi right I remember once when we were younger remember they're tiny animals in your hair oh god I wouldn't be able that's why I wouldn't be able but that worm looks like

if you get in a jacuzzi right I remember once when we were younger we got in a jacuzzi and we pressed the bubbles and all these tiny worms started coming out

of all the things like these little red worms and you can get something called Legionnaire's disease if you get into a dirty jacuzzi back in the day I think we've spoken

about this before the knit treatment now is nothing like it was. Like, we used to be dumped headfirst into a fucking petrol tank. Do you remember the smell of the knit cream? Like, your mum would take your feet and dump you into, like, a tank of... I wasn't a knit girl. I never got knits.

I haven't had knits. I swear to God. And that's why I'm so frightened of getting knits. Touch wood on my head three times. Well, they only go to clean hair. Yeah, I know. I washed my hair yesterday, thank you. Only because it was literally like an oil spill.

When we were kids, everyone was like, oh, nits, gross. They're like, well, they only go to clean hair. Oh, sure. Which we're like shaming people. Everyone makes a bullshit like that to make the smelly nits people feel better. It's probably the most controversial thing you've ever said in this podcast, but you've written it around that.

How many times do I need to wash your hair? I only wash my hair if I have to, like if I'm going to work. Yeah. So I, because I'm doing a lot of the Peloton at the moment, so I've,

the sweat. Yeah, you have sweaty hair. So like maybe every third day I'd kind of go, okay, fair enough. Let's do something. But I try to wash it. I try to wash it

as less as I can because I feel like your hair is smart and if it gets used to getting washed all the time. It just wants to be. I have quite coarse hair. It doesn't really get,

I think it would take a year for it to get greasy. It just gets kind of like dirty. Dry and yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, back to my story before we did the worms. Okay.

Yeah. So I did send this in. A banker, right, this millionaire banker accused his wife of cheating on him at their engagement party. He said,

I want to give Christina the freedom to love, specifically to love another person, a notable lawyer who she clearly cares about more than me. Oh, this was at the wedding. At the engaging party. Dear Christina, I know how much you were in love with him

mentally and sexually. And I know that before him, you had a relationship with an industrialist acquaintance. She goes for high-end men. An industrialist, she went for a millionaire he is and then she went for a lawyer.

High-end only for this, Christina. There's something, it's like level 12, Patty, to out someone like publicly at an event like your wedding or your like engagement party to take it to that point and then

hold their hands on the way in and then like absolutely publicly annihilate them it's level 12 Patty the only thing I will say is he probably thought he was getting revenge back I wouldn't do something like that like and he's

he actually said don't think it pleases me to look like a cook old in front of all of you now I don't know why, like, if you found this out, like, just say it to her before. That's what I would think.

That's what I would do. You'll look like the bigger person. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. If I was at the engagement party, I'd never get over the excitement of seeing something like that play out. I know

if I was in the if I was the person who'd been cheated I just wouldn't do it I'd be like dude you're dead to me now go on

go go go you want it because I suppose like you want to like ease the embarrassment he must have been really obviously embarrassed and he thought that

this way would be a way to make him feel less embarrassed I don't know can you imagine the thrill of being like at a wedding? Did you see that revenge, the wedding cake with all the texts? Stop, no.

On it that he'd sent to some other woman? Well, did you ever hear that story? So there was a groom, right? And he actually went ahead and got married and but he had found pictures of his wife cheating on his phone and forwarded them to his wife's parents to declare their wedding over but like he went and got married and stuff so he got married and why in his wedding speech he announced that she had been cheating on him i don't know i think that because he wanted to have that moment

to be like, oh, by the way, this marriage is a load of shit. She's been cheating on me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He married her to punish her. Yeah, because getting a divorce, as I've said before, is a pain in the ass. Yeah, pain in the ass. He married her to punish her and was like,

I know you're a dick. I think that's the kind of thing that you can get annulled if it's that quick. Yeah. If you get out of the church within 20 minutes or something, you can kind of thing, though, you can get annulled if it's that quick. Yeah. If you get out of the church within 20 minutes or something, you can kind of write the whole thing off. But what a waste, I suppose. Okay, if that happened to me and it was just before my wedding day, I would obviously have paid for the party.

So I would do it before. So he wasn't invited to the party and all of his in-laws and his friends weren't then invited to my wedding and I'd have my own wedding with all my friends and have loads of fun well hopefully next time that is what you do well hopefully next time that doesn't happen to me there was a woman I read this story right and she said um I always cheat my partner on holiday but it doesn't count when I'm abroad so she goes away and she sleeps with loads of different people when she goes on her holidays. But she's like, I just don't really see it as cheating because like I'm away. It's just like something I've always done when I'm away.

And she's like in a really happy relationship for the past five years. But when she goes away, she just cheats. I just don't under, I'm watching a TV show as well at the moment. And there's a wife that, I don't want to give too much away. I'm watching a TV show and there at the moment and there's a wife that I don't want to give too much away I'm watching a TV show and there's a wife cheating on the husband and I'm just like don't like

why are you getting married if you're doing that come on what's the point it's just going to get worse if you're starting your marriage off like that because you're having your cake and you're eating your cake

it's not like people that's what people want they want loads of cake that's what people want we're animals with iPhones folk a lot of people sending me videos of you on a run have you seen this video going around what people want. They want loads of cake. That's what people want. We're animals with iPhones.

Vogue, a lot of people sending me videos of you on a run. Have you seen this video going around? Oh God, what's everyone's like? Seriously, let me take a day off. Stop abusing me all the time. What run is this now? It's an Afghan hound running through a park but it's in slow-mo

and the hair is kind of going back. Sent to me. About of going back sent to me about nine people have sent to me with just like oh have you seen Vogue on a run and then

it's obviously I like to keep track of what you're doing and then I clicked in and it was an Afghan hound and to say I laughed I'm actually gonna our listeners are very funny I look incredibly

shiny you look so shiny here my hair is well there you go so shiny here my hair is well there you go I do wash my hair someone's washing you because you look fab here I actually haven't been sent

to the Afghan Hound so thank you everybody that's very nice not to call me a dog to my face yeah no they're doing it to me. That dog is gorgeous.

Like, you are placing in Crufts. I don't know where, like, but you are placing. Do you know who might place in crufts? Bertie. He is the cutest sweetest little dog. What I will say is we got Bertie in

and poor Winnie has a heart murmur. He's on heart tablets now the poor Windsor. I know. I know. Winnie has a heart? Since when?

Like that's that's the most life he's ever expressed. Winston is a glorious dog who just now hides in my dressing room. Winnie has some sort of like

anxiety condition. I thought the puppy would make him happier and give him a spring in his step. It hasn't. He's retreated further. I'm hoping they start getting on.

They don't not get on. He just ignores the dog. But I'm just like, Winnie, just allow him in. You need a friend, even if it's a baby. Winnie wants to go to Switzerland and go into a pod and press a button.

He doesn't want to be here. There is. Did you see? It's selfish to keep him alive, I think. Did you see that new coffin-like thing that this doctor is bringing out? And it costs you like six grand. And it's like, so you can that new coffin like thing that this doctor is bringing out and it costs you like

six grand and it's like so you can have the coffin thing in your house and you get in it. It asks you three questions and if you answer the questions correctly

if you say like what's your name? What device are you in? Why are you here? If you answer them all correctly then it allows you to press this button and when you press the button

it basically sucks all the oxygen out and you die. I know. It's like euthanasia is it on Amazon yeah yeah yeah I've actually got you

one for Christmas do you have a swipe up code 20% off your own death guys death 20 death 20 unalive yourself

I had this idea for this idea for this show maybe this is what we all write sounds so uplifting I actually got asked to do a show about death and I was like

because I always went on about it and I was like I just I can't imagine it would be too positive for people you do bang on about it a lot but like

it is fascinating because I mean ultimately it's we're all going to do it but no one knows what it feels like or is and no one comes back to tell us and it's this kind of you know there's a big question mark over what the hell and some people think you live on and some people you don't and we're gonna go out of another womb after this That's how I feel You think we're You think we're

Born again do you? Yeah No I'm coming back What? I'm coming back Oh my god Why where are you going?

Into the ground Into the Into the sand Oh and that's it And you're never coming In Lisbon Okay well I'll tell you what You can go do that

You can stay in the ground In Lisbon I'm coming back I'm going to be Sprinkled into a salad. That's what I've always wanted. I told you I'll make space for you, but you have to get cremated.

I want to be. I'm happy to cremate it and you can vacuum pack me. That's fine. I've no problem with that. I'll pop you in my pocket. You can come with me. Okay?

Thank you. We've got it sorted. Speaking of things I love talking about, I'm getting this in. I'm getting it in. I know I'm obsessed with sleep, but basically, Ireland has been listed

in a ranking of Europe's most restless countries. So Irish people are sleeping very little. What? Yes. What's the reason for that?

I don't know, but the only people that sleep less are the Greeks and they get they get like less sleep but they only get

20 days annual paid leave is that is that regular what do you get 25 what did you all get 68

well excuse excuse me I was doing an interview for that Dubai show that I'm doing an interview for that Dubai show that I'm doing at the weekend and this guy the guy who was interviewing me Jono he's like it's kind of Dubai FM

or something I think he's really sound and he was like oh you're just always on holidays like Jono that is just factually incorrect like I travel for work and then she had to go to Lisbon to do the work and then and then

she had to go to Lisbon to do the podcast then I will add on a couple of days at the end because that's like what you do

to see the cities I said I'm not Joanne you enjoy a holiday don't deny it don't let Jono take you down you like going on holidays

Gino De Campo takes takes four months off a year. Nothing wrong with that. Oh by the way Brighton like so I come back from

Lisboa and we're straight back into the autumnal ghosted tour. The autumnal ones? Brighton and it is not sold out folk. So

Brighton is not sold out. So Brighton we are we are in you at the weekend. Oh I can't wait, folk. Brighton is not sold out. So Brighton, we are in you at the weekend. Oh, I can't wait to go to Brighton. There's some Brighton things to do. I've done that room. I did that room in Prosecco.

It is stunning. Unreal. I never know the venues on Galentine. I haven't been there before. And I walked out on stage and I was bowled over by it. It's gorgeous. It's like velvet

chair. Like it's stunning. Oh, I can't wait to do Brighton. Yeah, it's fab. Come to Brighton. We'll welcome you with open arms. There was a chess grandmaster, an American fella, right? So his name was Hans Nieman.

He was cleared of allegations that he used vibrating anal beads to cheat during a match. So his opponent thought that he was getting like tips of what to play because he had anal beads in. And like, you know those vibrators

you can get that somebody else can press the button? And so they thought that he was using anal beads to cheat. I mean, it would be an absolute... That's genius. If he had done that, like, he deserves to get away with this.

And was he, though? Like, is it true? No, he wasn't. He was cleared of it. He was cleared of it. But they, but like... That's so smart. Like, if that,

if the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire guy... Yes! John Major! Had used anal beads, he would have gotten away... No, Major Charles. Major Charles Ingram. Yeah, no, John Major. He was beads No not He would have gotten away Major Charles Major Charles Ingram Yeah no John Major He was the other dude

No John Major Was John Major looks the same now As he did I think John Major Was just born looking like John Major Like he came out with that grey hair

He hasn't changed a day Is he with us He's still with us We've got to stop killing people Off in the pod Fair play to him but I like the chess

the chess crew seem like like I wouldn't fuck with the chess crew Margaret Thatcher what remember when she was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire

Boris Johnson Boris with the anal beads do you remember that episode I do remember that well but the chess people seem like a dangerous bunch like did you ever watch that TV show

with the chef people chess people what's it called Queen what's it called the Queen's Gambit it's so good

oh my god it's so good I might watch that again it's so good but yeah what's your one's name she is Anna Taylor Joy oh my god

is she human how are you that attractive like your huge eyes I know I've seen her in real life as well she looks amazing

and she's in one of my favourite films that I was telling everyone about last night The Menu which is like the wicker man but food

fucking brilliant she's in that as well come here do you remember cheating in school? I remember we used to. So we used to have to wear Irish. We used to have to wear. I had everything written out in the rubber.

Yeah. We had to wear a kilt in school, which is like a long kilt. I used to literally write like that was, I was great because my legs were, there was so much of them. I would write like essays all over my legs for every exam. Yeah. Same. Yeah.

And then wear pajamas over it and my socks over it so for every exam. Yeah, same. Yeah. And then wear pyjamas over it and my socks over it so no one would ever see. Same. I'd stuff written on my legs and like... I still did. And do you know what?

No shame. Like, it's impossible to remember all that information. And you know, we don't need to know it. I don't need to know that stuff anymore.

I don't need to know what numbers are and shit. Do you know what I mean? No, that's stuff anymore I don't need to know what numbers are and shit do you know what I mean no that's why she that's why she's so forgetful with the time

all the time that's sorry if there's anyone rolling around I know listen I'm five minutes here or there

I am I just won't turn up but when I'm here I'm on time she either doesn't turn up excuse me or she's on time she either doesn't turn up excuse me or she's on time

I'll correct you there in a vote I'm always on time when I turn up this is true I'm not going to take that away from you thank you for listening

I've been Jamal McNally she's been Vogue Williams we're in Brighton this weekend I think the London dates are gone

anyway we have a we have a website it's called mytherapistgoes2me.com and all our tour dates were there oh and I'm doing

Pogosh in January with Prosecco Express which is on my website jamalmcnally.com Bye.