My Therapist Ghosted Me - A Deck Shoe Life

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

What are your assumptions about Joanne & Vogue? That’s what you were asked this week… Find out the results! Plus, horoscopes, Joanne’s Mum at a gig and Spencer at Oxfam.If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Goes To Me with me, Joanne McNally, and her, Vogue Williams. I'd say you got away with nothing when you were younger. Why? You're just too obvious. I know you've been doing something you shouldn't have been doing. No, I was up. We obviously shouldn't have been doing no I was up I was we obviously had a show last night

it was up late I just haven't had a chance to put makeup on or anything so I'm just kind of like I'm not ring lighting myself but I'm also like you know I'm here

I've turned up I'm accountable but I'm just not visible as such you had a show in Cork last night yeah I'm in Cork back in the Cork

the poor Clayton they brought they've they've invited me to stay. They've given me the penthouse. But like me and Garel came in late last night after the show. And I was signing the room document. And it said like regular room basically.

And I was like about to kick off. They've created a monster basically. If they don't give me the penthouse now I'm going to burn the place down. You did a really nice Instagram story for them this morning with your absolutely revolting testicle-like eggs. Like, you're actually getting better on the socials with hotels. Since Greece, it's definitely gone uphill. Well, I mean, you know, I don't like a runny yolk.

We know this. I don't like a snotty, but I like a runny. It's the only thing I know about myself for sure. I don't know myself very well. I'm confused by myself and my choices and my actions. But the one thing I know about myself is I can't bear a runny yolk. I can't bear the snotty bit on the top. Like that all has to be gone, but the yolk has to be runny.

It actually makes me want to gag. Like it's disgusting. Like why? I don't get it. Just rub egg custard on all your stuff then if that's what you want. Oh my God, I love custard. It's custard made from eggs.

Eggs do everything. What? I don't know. What's custard made out of? It's bloody delicious. Vanilla. I wish I could write this um lack of attention span down to your pregnancy but she's always like this joke I know I am I

actually had a test for ADD I was doing I was doing oh what whilst I actually don't have ADD look I forgot about the ADD as I was talking about the ADD but I think you were misdiagnosed I think you absolutely have it like you could literally be talking about egg yolks and then and the second lady talking about Afghanistan and then you're back to your fringe

like I can't fucking keep up it's actually do you know it's actually it's a family trait we all do it to each other

so if you're at dinner with us it's like it's like a ping pong of all this stuff that's going on we get we lose interest

quickly but whilst I was collecting my award from Trinity What was the award for again? Spoofer of the Year

Listen I don't what did you call me? Spoofer of the Year Do you know even Spenny was absolutely raging about it because like Louisa pretended to him

it was an award for a business award and he's like well why the fuck do they give it to you? Because he wants award for a business award and he's like well why the fuck do they give it to you because he wants to win a business award I'm like dude you haven't even won a business award what was the award for it's like they give it to people that they think have like um are role models and stuff like that which I think is quite nice so there's no chance you're ever gonna get it but like I have it so one of us have it I'll be I'm up for

the I think I'm up for the Nobel piss prize the Nobel piss head prize but like that's when I noticed my attention span like it's it's worse in pregnancy because she was asking me questions and I started answering and then there was a couple of times I had to be like I don't remember the question yeah I guess I have I do that all the time that's not an attention span thing that's that's a good That's a good trait because it means that you give a lot in response to answers and stuff. But trying to keep you on a topic,

it's quite the exercise. It's quite the journey, Jo, isn't it? Look, she's gone again. What are you looking at now? I'm actually opening the pod document. I thought you were just going to walk out of the room and give birth or something. I wish.

Honestly. Oh my God, Spenny's got the well he tried to blame me again even though mine's age is gone he got the norovirus your family and that norovirus it's like a fetish you're all

it's your mind for it stop pretending you don't love it you fucking love it Jane Spenny's mom got it and she never gets sick she's having the same reaction as Theodore like what's happening to me

it's I think I think our immune system is low as well because we've all been wearing that mask that's why do you remember I

when I was in that hotel with that lad and came back with the worst tonsillitis like my tonsils were the size of melons I looked like I had syphilis in my

it was rotten speaking of syphilis someone messaged me during the week saying sometimes the DMs someone thinks

I have syphilis now because of you probably no no no I'm just remembering this DM I was reading last night I can't remember the details of it but your man

I just remember one line he was like to say I was drenched in vomit was an understatement anyway someone had drenched in vomit was an understatement anyway drenched in vomit oh god

we've all been there we've all been there living our lives living our lives this woman messaged me saying that she that apparently you know the way

your pinky finger yeah you raise it actually I'm going to google this to make sure I have it right it's something to do back in the medieval days Apparently, you know the way your pinky finger. Yeah. You raise it. Actually, I'm going to Google this to make sure I have it right. It's something to do back in the medieval days, which are my favorite days. And your favorite days, Vogue, for the guillotines and the public hangings and stuff. Your favorite thing.

I love the executions. That was my favorite part of them. It's your fave. I can't even watch anything like scary in a movie. Like I have to cover my eyes. Even if someone punches someone, I'm like, ugh.

You're like, I feel bad. But executions I love. Do you know what it was? If you've got syphilis, you can't, you can't straighten your fingers. That was it. So a raised finger

in a social event in medieval days meant you were syphilis free and up for the ride basically oh my god I don't believe that that's true though I swear to god she sent me the link

and then I went in and read it it's old school etiquette for like I'm clean as a whistle let's go hey honey let's go oh my god

I think if I was ever single I'd be very up to date on my STI tests i believe i'm always very wary about how we talk about this because somebody actually mailed me when we were talking about it wasn't syphilis or gonorrhea it was something else and uh it's one of the other ones and uh and somebody got really offended by what i was saying i was like oh my god i don't mean to be slagging it like anybody could catch it it's like coronavirus

you can't blame anyone 100% yeah it's like the corona if you get corona don't start fishing around looking for who gave it to you you'll never find out

I'm not going to start preaching about STI tracks and stuff because I am you know pretty reckless but I'm also not getting an award for being a role model

so it's Grant no one's looking to me for sexual health advice Jesus okay tell me about your week Joanne I have to look at my diary too when I have to think

about the week I'm like what did I do I don't know what I've been or what I've done well I went to Jersey yesterday-ish kind of not really didn't make it

oh yeah you were disabled by the fog we're selling the house I'm not living in a place like that I'm sorry I'm not living there sorry sorry sorry I'm fed up so James and Brian as you know are like the busiest people ever they're always in and out of the country James and Brian are our friends and they're interior designers um and they're gonna do our house in Jersey for us because they're absolutely amazing and so we eventually got ahold of them to come with us. And this never happens. Joe, I know you go to Jersey often and you've probably

never heard of this. So the day we're meant to go, we sat in the airport and we couldn't get there because of the fog. The fog was so bad. We couldn't go to Jersey. Absolutely raging. A month later, yesterday arrives and we get to the airport. Fog again. But we took off and we get to the airport fog again but we took off and we were going to see if we could see a gap you can't see a gap and then after there was a gap

of waiting around for ages and ages and ages then a plane crashed off the end of the runway and then we couldn't go in because of that had to go back to London

bastards absolutely bastards how many dead? none not a single soul was dead just me inside my mind

just irresponsible driving a big plane just literally he didn't like he wasn't even going fast just kind of toppled off the end of the runway making it impossible

for anyone to go to Jersey first it's the fog then it's that so yeah I'm not I'm not spending any time in Jersey anymore I'm not even making the effort

they don't want me in there they're blocking me fine I'm not I don't I Jersey anymore I'm not even making the effort they don't want me in there they're blocking me fine I'm not I don't I wasn't I wasn't mad on the Jersey thing either because I felt the Peloton

was going to get moved down there so I wasn't mad about it so I'm delighted the Peli is actually staying here don't worry don't worry is it yeah

have you watched that documentary on Netflix about Boeing about the planes oh Joanne wait until you hear what I have to tell you About this

Is this related to What I've just brought up Yes Thank God I was only talking About it yesterday right So Boeing That terrifying documentary

And those planes cost Like 250 million Or something each Guess who bought A shit load Of the Boeing What are they 737 Max

Or whatever they were Simon Cowell. Let me guess. Think about it. Think about it. An airline would have had to buy them. Got a great deal on them. Richard Branson.

Michael O'Leary. Yes, Michael O'Leary. Like, I can't, I can't get, don't watch Boeing if you want to, if you want to get back in a Ryanair flight. Now he got a great deal and they said they'd fix the problem but the truth is

Ryanair flights are so cheap if you die you die do you know what I mean like like you're lucky to survive the flight do you know what

do you know what though EasyJet are cheap as well and it's like a different like world on EasyJet I feel like Ryanair they're basically booting you onto the plane

and like kicking you off. Like they, they just hate you being there. I, I remember once cramming my, you know, the,

the way they make you weigh your bag and all that jazz. Yeah. I remember cramming it in so hard into that little measuring thing, that little, like, what would you call it? Contraption that I thought I was going to have to bring the contraption on with me because I couldn't get the bag out.

I was like, me and the contraption are going to have to get on the plane. I'm going to have to bring the contraption on with me because I couldn't get the bag out. I was like, me and the contraption are going to have to get on the plane and I'm going to have to put it in the overhead locker. You're having a gin and tonic now? Yeah. Oh, well, that's not so bad, actually.

Don't put a time stamp on it, Joe. Take that out. I'm not taking it out. I'm just going to beat the time. I'll leave it to people's imagination. James said to me yesterday, he was like, I bet you Gigi's going to be a goth.

I was like, really? Why is she going to be a goth? He just decided that that's what she's going to be. I can see it. I learned two new words off them yesterday. I was with three gay men yesterday. I thought you meant new words off the kids. I was like, that's not how that's supposed to be. I can see it. I learned two new words off them yesterday. I was with three gay men yesterday.

I thought you meant new words off the kids. And I was like, that's not how that's supposed to work. No, new words. So James was like, oh my God, he's a gold star gay. And I was like, what the hell is a gold star gay? A gold star gay is a gay that's never had sex with a girl. So James is a gold star gay. Oh.

Another one, a platinum gay. Right? Yeah. Never even touched a girl's vagina wow yeah so amber right queen of the lesbians she was telling me the other night she's so like dating is so mean now it's so mean she basically was chatting to this girl on one of the apps and she actually stopped chatting to her because she found out that she only ate chicken like yourself joanne and i was like what she's like no but it's really weird like she doesn't eat fish or or anything else just chicken i was reading an article about this actually it was

talking about like the kind of because the surplus there's you're better off there's something to be said for an arranged marriage and i'm not even taking the piss we've so many options do you know when you've like Sky Plus or whatever or now TV and Netflix and you've too many options you end up watching nothing you end up just staring at the ceiling

or like stroking a cat because you actually can't compute the options and you get really critical of everything whereas back in the day you'd one TV channel you just fucking got on with it

and I think dating's the same. Like, I'm like, oh God, look, his laces are weird. No, like it's pathetic. Yeah, it's too much. The best example of this was Pamela Anderson married her carpenter during lockdown because he was the only man she saw in the house. She made it work.

Now, they've just divorced. But still, the point is, too many options. I know, but now come here to me so amber then this is exactly this will actually like make your point even more valid so anyway she breaks up with the girl she unfollows her on the app whatever you do i don't know unmatches her because she only ate chicken because she's like well i mean i like to share food when i go out for dinners blah blah and i'm just like that is like just not an excuse anyway she bumps into the girl and they have a great great night together of course you see absolute besties and that's what happens if you if you're and as well I always say this if I saw Spenny on the apps I'd swipe not the right way that I'm supposed to oh I would not look twice

at any of the lads I thought you you were going to say at Spenny. He'd be a bit much for me now. I'm not into a Chino, as we know. I wouldn't be mad for a deck shoe now. He doesn't wear a Chino or a deck shoe. I like a deck shoe. I know!

You live a deck shoe life. I do live a deck shoe life. I want to live a transit van life. That live a deck shoe life I want to live a I live a I want to live a Transit van life That's my vibe now Your shoes You're going to do

Damage to your feet Joanne left all her Shit in my house She leaves shit Everywhere So like you'll always Find a piece of Joanne Somewhere

And I was packing it All up The weight Of your shoes Is like shocking I'm still missing A pair of platforms Actually I was thinking Well I didn't see them They're in the house Somewhere I was thinking about of your shoes is like shocking. I'm still missing a pair of platforms actually.

I was thinking about Well I didn't see them. They're in the house somewhere. I was thinking about your children's book. You know the way Jo you know the way she's written a book.

Yeah. An actual book this time not one about how to do a ponytail. This is like got words in it and stuff. Joanne I'm going to give you a copy of everything

right I can't wait look at the state of your hair today you could do with a messy pony so and you were looking for celebrities to do quotes and stuff oh okay

okay so this is your your attempt at it okay I was thinking so firstly no one it's like a CV no one cares

like no one's going to check right so I could say anything you know it doesn't matter you could literally put a sticker on it saying Oprah's number one book club choice and no one

no one gives a shit and I will do you should absolutely do fraud is the only way to success from what I can tell 100%

and you're not going to go to prison for something like that no and I was like you should insert like so it's a children's book but if I could say something like oh excellent read

didn't expect the murder to really kind of like just add jeopardy to the book you know. Oh that's going to be your quote. Yeah.

Or I could say something like now motion picture starring Daniel Craig. That's a good one. Isn't it? Oh my God. Yes. What did he do after Bond?

He can play the caterpillar eating the lettuce or whatever the storyline is I'm sure it's something deep and complicated

that's it just two children's books well also I was thinking do you know the way women use book clubs as an excuse to drink

that's why I don't join book clubs I'm like I just let myself drink I don't need to lie about it yeah true but your book would be a great hit

in women's book clubs because they're too pissed to read actual books. So they just kind of look at your pictures. Look at kids' books. Do you know what I did with this child's book though?

Right? Children's book. I, like, I, because I read so many of them, like, I know exactly what I want in one. Some people just go way too overboard

and it's like, no, no, no. Would you be on a plane reading a children's book or are you saying when you're reading to the kids oh it's all I can get through at the moment to be honest voguing first class reading Peppa Pig loving her life

sucking on a tip top Peppa Pig is a very interesting character I'll have you know Peppa Pig is a business bitch my god Peppa Pig I wish I knew about Peppa Pig is a business bitch my god Peppa Pig I wish I knew Peppa she's like Katie Price

alright she's her face is on everything I know it's actually shocking I'm kind of jealous of her anyway I see you as the James Joyce for toddlers

that's where I see your career going oh my god I think that's a really nice compliment actually and I will take that yeah now that would be

a quote for the book please can I please please can I will take that yeah now that would be a quote for the book please can I please please can I give you that quote please I actually thought that you would be way worse

this is fantastic seven stars from Voguey and I'm not sure I know how many because I can't I'm not good at maths seven stars

out of something and the James Joyce for toddlers yeah James Joyce for toddlers and then maybe chuck in the Daniel Craig thing James Joyce for toddlers yeah James Joyce for toddlers and then maybe chuck in the Daniel Craig thing

James Joyce for toddlers didn't expect the murder Joanne Macmillan no we can't have the murder we can't have the murder is there a murder in the book no there's no murder in the book no

well I'm telling you now I'm just here for sales folk okay I'm just trying to get people to pick it up so that's what I'm here to do I saw you where? why did you say hi?

I saw you on Sunday I know we did a chat show together we did a chat show together it was very fun but I I got home on Sunday and Amber

because I'd left the kids I never ever sorry to interrupt you because I'd left the kids I never ever Jo sorry I didn't know what Jo you'd want I just I think I you were so cute

in that little dress she's so pregnant now and she was wearing this little dress and she's kind of like you're very much at the waddling stage now you're always a bit

of a waddler I was actually I was thinking that I didn't have a waddle on you're telling me I have a waddle on but Vogue

you actually always have a low level waddle Because it's your wide gait So you were The waddling is It's quite extensive now Do you know where the waddling comes from I've got a really sore back So I waddle along

Yeah you do you waddle You've always waddled Well thanks I was only telling Spencer last night that I felt really fantastic about myself. And now I can add waddling to the list. Jo just said I stood up as well when we were filming this. She was like, Jesus, I haven't seen your stomach in ages. Because it's like we're always just from here up. So you never really see it.

But what I don't understand is how come you're not pregnant in the face like I guarantee if and when I get pregnant I wish I was I guarantee like you'll not from my fate like you will just

know I'll have cellulite in my face now if you have a boy it's just literally a bump that goes outwards but I got back on Sunday and obviously

I kind of have one child with me but I was child free which was absolutely amazing Amber's trying to invite all these people up with kids and I was just like no babe I don't want to see anyone's child today I was one day away from children like not no thanks and it got me thinking like how does Amber spend so much time with my kids she must have a lot of patience she yeah but she really she genuinely really likes them yeah she does

I love your kids but when they start it's when the noise starts then I can't which you know I'm surprised because the level of noise

you bring in into the house is probably worse than them yeah but I'm not crying usually only sometimes shut up Theodore I need her now

got a bad Theodore God's sake we were talking about oh yeah more on the baby was the you were talking about horoscopes

where you put horoscopes in the list oh yes I did right because because Benny has to go away to do something,

I'm getting induced a little bit early. But if I'm honest, because I'm always so sick, I usually ask for like a week in advance. I'm like, please, please, can we get this moving?

So it's, it's kind of like having a C-section without the C-section. Is it not better to leave it in for longer? Is it not like kind of like a hair conditioner that like the longer it's in the better well hair conditioners stop working after a while so I think that like they over in England they don't let you go over your due date which

I think is really really nice they've brought in a rule for that but like I did hear of a girl um actually a comedian that I was with his wife was left to go 17 days over. Like that is like torture towards the end. It's so impossible. But anyway, I'm choosing a date for the baby, right? Amazing. So it has to be, it's literally on the cusp of Aries or Taurus. And I'm thinking I might go with Aries

just because Spenny told me Taurians are, Taurians, whatever they're called. I couldn't give a shite about those things anyway, by the way, just so you know. Spenny seems to care for some reason. Spencer cares about horoscopes. I know.

That is the wildest thing I've ever heard. I know, I know. He was raging because she wasn't going to be a Leo. She was going to be a Cancer. That makes no sense. I know, I know.

That's like me walking in finding Spencer working behind a till in Oxfam. I can't get my head around it. We're getting on the bus and seeing Spencer at the back. Yeah. Imagine how weird that would look.

You'd be like, what is going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you been abducted? Is this a hostile situation? Are you been abducted is this a hostile situation are you okay are you okay this is the butt

that's yeah I like horoscopes do you know what right I got this gorgeous necklace off do you know Rachel Jackson jewellery designer

you do she's the one she gave I think you have the same earrings they're those kind of star studded or the

I think they're called sun earrings with the kind of flames Rachel Jackson okay go on she sent anyway she sent me she gifted me a necklace

but she was like what's your star sign I'll put your star sign on and I said do you know what Rachel I don't believe in it but I'm going to try and start believing

in my star sign because I don't believe in anything at all I'm going to try and start believing in my star sign because I don't believe in anything. She's got lovely jewels. Yeah, really nice. I am a Taurus. You're a Taurus.

When's your birthday? 7th of May, 1993. I'm going with Aries. Like, I'm sorry, but like as if any of my personality traits, as if I'm sitting here in the dark drinking a gin in the middle of the day because Saturn was doing

a downward dog on the 7th of May Joanne, someone said to me people who are tourists are notoriously lazy around the house come on, come on that's you I actually, like you could say anything about anything.

Do you know what I mean? Here's another spanner in the works, right? So we'd actually decided on the 20th of April. And Brian O'Sullivan told me yesterday, because I was with him, his birthday's on the 20th of April. And I was like, oh my God, amazing. That's it then. We'll do the 20th of April.

Guess who else's birthday's on the 20th of April? Satan. Hitler, basically Satan. Oh's it then. We'll do the 20th of April. Guess who else's birthday is on the 20th of April? Satan. Hitler. Basically Satan. I know. I know. So you're saying Hitler was an Aries

is what you're saying. No, that's a Taurian. That's on the cusp. It's on the cusp. I just like, I remember reading my star sign once and they were like,

Taurians love to bathe and I was like that's so imagine someone going oh I can't have a bath I don't like bathing I'm a Pisces it's such a load of bollocks

but I am going to try and believe I'm going to try and make an effort to believe in it because I would like some belief system ultimately I think

we're just maggots orbiting the sun so it would be nice to have something bigger to believe in than like my fucking Costa coffee cart well I think that

we have made the decision now. Joanne's a Taurian or Taurian, whatever they're called. So my baby's going to be Aries. Do you know what? That's actually seizing you down to the ground

because as a Taurus, I'm quite selfish with my time. So I don't want to have to share my birthday with your with your little baby okay

yeah I just thought you should have a say in it because you're godmother so that's grand at least you'll kind of remember his birthday maybe

no I'll text you I'll text you text me come on I'll text you welcome to my therapist goes to me with me Daryl McNally actual comedian and Vogue Williams fraud Welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Daryl McNally, actual comedian and Vogue Williams, fraud.

On her way to the Comedy Awards of my fucking coattails. It's my mother's birthday today. She came into the show the other night. Oh, Jesus, did she? Yeah, with her mates. Does she kind of pull back a bit when she goes in? Well, I did.

There was a couple of things I didn't do. No, she was hit hard. She was hit hard. She got what she got. She got what she got. What were you saying to her? She was hit hard, but there was a couple of bits I didn't do now

because I just said, you know what? I want to be able to look her in the eye at some stage again in the future it'll take a while anyway but like I would like there to be an end point

what did she say about it that would I'd love to have sat beside her she actually really liked it but you know she kind of you know

yeah like she no she really liked it and the Vicar Street they made a big fuss of her and like I told the bouncers she was coming in so when she came in they made a big fuss of her and like I told the bouncer she was coming in

so when she came in they knew it was her because she was in her little gang with her wristbands and they threatened to like search her for drugs and all and they were getting the gloves out and everything

and then Brian who runs Vicar Street had them in the green room and he was giving them drinks and all so like they had a really nice time oh god I think me being on the stage

was kind of like that was kind of holding up the night really she was just loving the green room ah god that's nice I would not

I'd let my mum go to your show I would yeah because like I'm not you exactly she'd never look at you the same way again

oh I know oh this is like a total, because I was kind of looking into, looking into horoscopes a little bit because they're very bougie and they're very, like they're kind of cool at the moment.

Guess what one I am? Scorpio. No, I'm the best one. Narcissist. A Libran I'm very balanced I don't know how true that is you are in your hole

excuse me you are not don't be so shocked by that I'm sorry now Vogue you are loads of things but balanced is not one how am I not balanced you are

balanced is someone who's like you are a work whore you're not balanced at all a work whore you're not balanced at all you are I've come on here to have a nice time and you're just abusing me and calling me a work whore I just you know you're not there's just balanced is not something and not a term I would use you're up at 5am like you're not you're absolutely and you're completely unbalanced I slept until 6 18 this morning okay you're just pretty so you you're completely unbalanced I slept until 6.18 this morning okay

you're just pretty so you hide your unhingement is hidden behind collabs but like you are as unhinged as the rest of us

rest assured I have my moments I have a very bad temper that no one knows about because like it takes a long time to get to that temper

but if I lose my temper like I've smashed laptops I've broken a lot of things with the temper oh I've smashed laptops I've broken a lot of things with the temper have you? oh I've never seen

oh that's exciting I've never seen that I will I'm sure exciting it gets very vicious something always gets broken and something I like as well and I feel so annoyed

at myself after I'm going to start breaking other people's shit my thing is if it like if I'm on date naps if a man identifies with his horoscope I'm going to start breaking other people's shit. My thing is, on date naps, if a man identifies with his horoscope, I'm like, good luck. It feels like they're just for women and gay men.

Again, they are like a book club. They're like Oprah or something. I just can't see straight men being into it. Okay, right. I'm going to read out my personality traits being a Libra, right? What is a Libra's personality? Librans are extroverted, cozy and friendly people.

I'm very cozy. Librans like the scales that symbolize the sign are often concerned with attaining balance, harmony, peace and justice in the world. With their vast stores of charm, intelligence, frankness,

persuasion and seamless connectivity, they are well equipped to do so. That's lovely. That's a lovely thing to say about me. They wrote it specifically for Voguey. Let's look at me. Okay. Let's see.

Wait, I have you here. Okay, you ready? What type of person is Taurus? Tauruses have a regal quality about them they are graceful and diligent labourers they can be stubborn bullheaded and set in their ways Joanne that is you

but they are also great listeners and very dependable Taurus can go can absolutely go on forever as in like conversation wise or like immortality? I was thinking about like on a night out wise.

But you are stubborn. But like so are you. Like do you know what I mean? Like Joe, well Joe you're not, Joe what are you? Uh, Gemini. That's probably a nice one.

What's Gemini? Read out Gemini there, we'll decide. Gemini's are flexible yes he is extroverted and clever and there's never a boring moment

while they're around their flaws include indecisiveness impulsivity a Gemini your innermost deepest fears I sound like a Gemini

I'm nosy yeah because they're open they're open to everything all interpretation it's confirmation bias you just hear what you want and then just agree with it it's like you're one

telling you your fucking future in a wigwam in a shopping centre in Salford it's the same thing I like those things you'd get sucked in

by that shit too surely do you know what someone actually recommended to me and I was like that's such a good idea I'm going to do it I'm actually going to do it

now when I get off the Zoom I'm going to order a magic 8 ball and I'm going to spend a week just doing whatever the magic 8 ball tells me that'll be good content here come here to me do you know where I'm going to order a magic eight ball and I'm going to spend a week just doing whatever the magic eight ball tells me. That'll be good content. Here, come here to me. Do you know where I'm going

today? The comedy awards. I know. I have to go to the thing that like I'd probably try to have gotten out of had Joanne been here. Joanne, what if you win the comedy award? My bag's not going up. I'm too embarrassed.

You'll need to go up you need to go up and do a speech on my behalf Joanne's very grateful but she was too stubborn to come here today she didn't want to

no you'd be like Joanne wants to thank all her exes for sending her mad and Cosmo for giving her an eating disorder

and her biological parents for abandoning her at birth because it's all material babes so thanks to all the people who contributed yeah who contributed

to this fucking mess it would be imagine you could only choose three things that have made you like a messed up person there'd be a lot to choose from wouldn't it

well like to be honest well like adoption I don't think adoption is really a thing like you can't I always say it's this from wouldn't it well like to be honest with like adoption I don't think adoption is really like you can't I always say it's this thing of like it's like mixing paint and then trying to like pull the colors apart again you don't know so much of it's like nature nurture I believe it's all kind of a concoction of everything really yeah and it's even the way you are yourself when you grow up even after your parents have messed you up you've got your own little personality as well yeah it's not like you it's not like you're born

this like empty vacuous sandwich bag and that your parents give you all these personality traits like you have a personality when you're born

that's the mad that's the maddest thing you kind of do well I mean not when you're first born very boring like I bet you'll come around

and meet the baby and you'll be like I'm not coming back until he's like six months old yeah yeah yeah I asked people what their assumptions were about us

go on I'll tell you what I tried not to get offended reading half of them uh oh there was a lot of these Joanne Joanne.

Joanne is secretly minted. Like a lot. I sleep in a lobster pot at night. I am secretly minted. She's not short enough a bit of change. There was a lot of questions about money. I feel like people, I just wouldn't ask that.

But to be fair, me and Jo have very much set you up as a very unrelatable rich woman. So, you know, because we get great crack out of it. So it makes sense that they're focused on that because we've kind of it's funny though it's funny though how some people like get away with it like i wouldn't dream of like if i got a really nice bag or something i wouldn't dream of doing like an unboxing or something because i just think you know what yeah i don't need to be shoving my new bag in someone's face whereas other people just fully get away with like unboxing like a Chanel every other month.

And it's like, what the fuck can they do it? Read the room. I know. I want to unbox a Chanel every month. Yeah. You're funniest when you're together. Excuse me? That's kind of cute.

No, it's not. I have a fucking career on stage as a comic without you. No, we're funny. That's not cute at all. No, I agree with that. We're without you no we're funny at all no no i agree with that we're funnier when we're together you're not actually friends it's just convenient for work it is very convenient for work it is very convenient for work yeah like let's not but we've actually we have known each other a long time but we weren't pally pally until about

not when we were younger now I'd say it's four years now that we've been very pally that you're the raging boozer and Joanne is the gym bunny I wish that was true I don't wish that was true I wouldn't be a good

I wouldn't be a good drinker come here to me hold on let's not pretend You survive solely on dairy And dip tops I wouldn't dream of putting Alcohol in my body

I've seen you put it away I've seen her put it away I can put it away when I want to That's why I need to take three days off After I go drinking I can't stop, I have no stop button And then I'm like, it's like I'm racing myself to get through the drink.

And if I go to the bar, I used to always do this and then I got really drunk and I'd have to go home. So I stopped doing it. And I'd go to the bar and I'd order two drinks because I was like,

I'm not queuing twice. This will save me time. And then I'd school the first, and then they just go so fast anyway. And then I'd be back up for another two and it was just, it wasn't great. It wasn't great.

You're like the girls at my show. At my show. That's literally what they're doing. Mommy's very proud. Get drunk. That's what you're here for. Joanne hated Spencer when she first met him. There was a few of them.

No, didn't hate him. It did take us a while to find our groove, but we, no, I never hated him. No, no, no. No, I always, I was always very fond of him. But then I didn't hate him. It did take us a while to find our groove, but no, I never hated him. No, no, no. No, I was always very fond of him. Then I became fonder of him as I got to know him better. And now we're actually quite close.

I mean, as close as you can be with a man of his position. No, John, I told you, he's into his feelings and everything now. He's a new man. Oh my God, what am I going to do? I'm not going to know him. I know. He's such a nice person now. He likes people. What am I going to do? I'm not going to know him. I know. He's such a nice person now. He likes people.

He wants other people to be happy. This is really weird, but I got a few of these. I actually just scrolled past one there a second ago, but here's another one. It's cropped up again. I assume Joanne is into S&M, likely down to all her leather trousers.

She has a gimp mask she loves breaking that out at sessions Joanne put the gag ball away it's 12 o'clock in the day it's brunch oh god sorry do you remember

speaking of S&M do you remember one of the so the kind of understanding is now that Vogue doesn't read her DMs and that I read all mine, which I don't anymore because obviously with the pod, there's more of them. But so sometimes if people want to contact Vogue, they'll message me and ask me. And the funniest was, hey, Joanne, we run a little kind of like family run sexy paddle company. Oh, yeah.

And we'd love to gift one to Vogue. So I was sending screen grabs to Vogue being like, do you want dirty girl or nasty on your fucking paddle? And folks are making the decisions and I'm feeding back to the company but didn't even offer me one she's like I'll have dirty slut

thank you dirty whore I asked for dirty whore if you said slut I'll have dirty whore in the blush pink thank you okay no props folks

I'll just feed that back now I must actually get on to them they're in the DM if they're listening get back in touch DM us again we'd like a sexy paddle I'll get one for the baby

for a christening oh that's a fantastic christening yes I'll get one for the baby for a christening oh that's a fantastic christening yes a lot of people right that say your life is perfect you've got no stress from the kids

or anything like that like there's some of that but there's also like you guys just have like like that you never really stress about shit like everything is kind of under control that there's people doing stuff and everything for us.

It's not really like that. I think that like, I think that Instagram was a load of shit. You only see like a minute of people's lives. Like I'm going around having an absolute meltdown half the time trying to suction bag my life away and I don't have time to do it. Trying to vacuum back your feelings. I'm trying to vacuum pack my life. I've nothing organized. If I had to sit here and tell you

if I had to, Joe got the rant at the start of this pod, if I had to rant about everything that I have to do. So no, not organized, not fully together. If I'm ever filming somewhere, it's like a spot in my house that isn't covered in shite. So don't worry. My houses are all the same. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not having that yeah my house is clean let's be honest your house is absolutely spic and span ah but look if you saw this dressing table

I'm sitting at now like there's just too much shit everywhere it's like and I keep meaning to get to stop trying to be relatable by making out that you're messy you're not

I've got no money and my house is messy um I did love them though everyone thank you for taking the time to get in touch and for the people that offended me fuck you thank you for taking the time to hurt our feelings thank you thank you for taking the time oh oh Joanne I have a I have a discount code I wrote it down yesterday oh it's ghosted duh so if you go onto the bear site bear by vogue if you're looking for your tanning bits's ghosted Duh So if you go onto the bear site

Bear by Vogue If you're looking for your tanning bits Ghosted Will get you 20% off Only for our Lovely pod listeners And anyone else You pass that code on to

Yeah I was going to say Send it to everybody Okay that's it for this week Thank you so much for listening And please keep sending in your emails Because we love them To Hello at mtgmpod.com for this week thank you so much for listening and please keep sending in your emails because we love them to hello at

mtgmpod.com see sometimes I forget stuff Joanne do you wanna are you doing Joanne's just on tour all the time just all the time

she's mainly sold out now so oh do you know what actually there's tickets for Cheltenham there's still tickets for Cheltenham oh and the Marquee

and Cork so I'm in Cork at the moment and people are saying they can't get tickets for Cheltenham oh and the Marquee and Cork so I'm in Cork at the moment and people are saying they can't get tickets for these Cork dates but I am back

doing the Marquee in June