My Therapist Ghosted Me - A Lump, K-Pop & Bumping Into An Ex

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

This week, Vogue has your shout outs about bumping into exes and a mad story which (spoiler) ends with tampons being thrown. Meanwhile, Joanne has officially (by her own admission) reached her hypochondriac era.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. You were about to say Vivo Gwilliams. I was, yeah. Hello, everybody. I'm so used to you going first. I can hear it in my... It's in my... Candidates. Let's switch it up. Everyone will get such a fright now. They're such a fright. They'll be like,

oh my God, they sound so different. I'm completely thrown. And Joe's here. Hello. Creeping away in the corner. In one of his darkness t-shirts. He's having a bad time. Why is he having a bad time?

Because of... You? No, no, no, not me this time. No, it's not actually. Why is he having a bad time? Because of... You? No, no, no, not me this time. No, it's not actually. Why are you having a bad time? Our baby's not sleeping. She's a bit tired. That's why I'm having a coffee now at four o'clock.

You mad bastard. Oh God. It's really bad times when the baby doesn't sleep. It's really bad times. Yeah. I mean, the night nanny must have a really difficult... Yeah. She's on holiday

I'm only joking I honestly like there were times that I thought I was going to lose my mind like you really feel like you're going to die you're just like

how can I and for someone who likes eight hours of sleep I'd sometimes every is it every couple of hours how old is she they have

see they have regressions and they sneak them in every so often Otto is through that my kids sleep through the night I'm really sorry

to tell you that but you will get there is what I'm saying I've never had a point in my life where I just might burst

into tears all the time yeah that's never happened to me I know I might burst into tears

in a minute because it never stops because you can't see the end of it yeah Spenny would

sleep through it. At least you're probably a team which must feel nice. I'd look at Spenny. Spencer does look, throughout the pregnancies I've known him, he's always looked very well rested.

He is like, I mean, when someone... Not a line on that man's face. And I do say to him, I'm like, because I'm breastfeeding, do you want to just like

sleep in another room? And he's like, no, I won't wake up. And he never wakes up. Not even after the breastfeeding ends. He just never like sleep in another room and he's like no I won't wake up and he never wakes up not even after the breastfeeding ends he just never ever wakes up it's just me that wakes up well yeah

it's annoying like this is why I know the night nanny is a very bougie concept but it doesn't work when you're breastfeeding well I was kind of shocked

would you not just pump like basically the night nanny comes in hands you the baby and you still have to wake up breastfeed the baby and then give it back to the night nanny the night nanny puts it down again what's the point, night nanny comes in, hands you the baby and you still have to wake up, breastfeed the baby and then give it back to the night nanny. The night nanny puts it down again.

What's the point then? There's no point. That's the point. There's no point. Would you not just pump and give them the things you can sleep through the night? No, because you have to wake up anyway to pump.

The best thing to do, which like, but like, I think next time, I remember I breastfed Gigi for a whole year. I think, I think six months and I'd be done because the sleep is so difficult.

And like, I get them out of the room. I don't get them out of the room. Like, people leave them in the room for like, I hear them, they're out, they're gone. Like, I nap during the day now as well as my night's sleep. I've had a couple of naps last week as well. I don't know what happened.

One day I was like... We're perimenopausal. Oh no, it must be no because my period's right on time doesn't matter everyone's telling me that so you're coming

down with me now I'm 38 it's the first time I've ever tracked my period I still don't I'm like oh what's that oh Jesus I can't believe

how spot on it is I can't even sit on my own couch because I have no idea where my period's coming I have to have a box of tampons beside I have to plug one in every time I even try to sit on that white couch do you know what I have to have a box of tampons beside it to plug one in

every time I even try to sit on that white couch do you know what I was fed up I was fed up of wasting those gorgeous new

knickers that I bought in Victoria's Secret and sometimes and there's nothing you can do shout nothing vanish nothing

you just have to be and I don't want to be caught off guard like that I know it's really annoying I've run some great

pants I really have pants pantaloon and if it's really annoying I've ruined some great pants I really have pants pantaloon and if it's a bad time during the night and you ruin your jammies I've just

it's too much money it's too much it's too much so what are we saying what's the what are we getting a hysterectomy I don't know

do you remember that gorgeous thing I might have to get a hysterectomy so I can sit in that fucking couch you know I would have liked to have been aerectomy so I can sit in that fucking couch. You know?

I would have liked to have been a mother, but unfortunately that didn't happen for me because I bought a white couch the size of a Cadillac. It's a gorgeous white couch. It's fat. And at least you don't have to zhoosh the pillows. It's a very you-like couch.

You know that couch I have downstairs that has to be zhooshed the whole time? Yeah, there's no zhooshing. It lives downstairs because no one goes there. I have a zhoosh-free life. Nothing gets zhooshed. I don't want to z downstairs that has to be judged the whole time it lives downstairs because no one goes there I have a judge free life nothing gets judged I don't want to judge to be honest

no no no there'll be no judging done judging you know that lovely Paulita jumpsuit that we both wore the life out of that I ripped the gusset on well you ripped the gusset

and then I perioded on the gusset did you it's a dying jumpsuit no it's not it's a woman's jumpsuit it's a woman who works jumps it's not it's a woman's jumpsuit it's a woman who works jumpsuit

I burst the gusset doing the tasks in Taskmaster and I perioded it just from being a woman I was being a woman before I was tracking yeah

a pre-tracking woman sure even when I am tracking it's fucking it's all to play for even when I know it's there I know I's there I know I still can't keep a lid on it

it's an absolute joke little panty liner I know a panty liner and a tampon day it's out of control I can't do the pads I can't

you can get a thong panty liner did you know that I don't have any because I feel like they wouldn't work so I get the other ones and push it around

but I have a real period anyway moving on moving on from the period chat I would like to discuss I've moved into my hypochondriac era okay so basically

I I've been my algorithms and TikTok at the moment are very it's very cancer heavy yeah so I'm big into

I'm not big into it's not like a hobby but like for whatever reason. Now, in all seriousness, how do you know, like, do you know, do you know the way

I'd be like, right, there's a lot of stroke and heart attack in my family. You're adopted. Yeah. Do you know what's in your family? Nothing. Oh, well, when I found,

there's nothing major. Oh, that's lucky. Yeah, there's so many, alcoholism, which is news to nobody. Me too. Yeah, there's alcoholism in anyone, like anyone who's alive. Hello. Yeah, there's so many. Alcoholism, which is news to nobody. Me too. Yeah, there's alcohol in anyone. Like anyone who's alive.

Hello. Yeah. God, I love alcoholics. I swear to God. And just keep trying to fix me because someday it will work. It does eventually. I rub off eventually.

Yeah. Then I'll just have to find myself a new alcoholic. I'll move into the basement and see if Benno will drink secretly in the sauna. In the sauna. Telling you we're both on the drive. Because you'll get drunk quicker.

Those guys have been plunging for hours out there. Oh, they're snorting their vitamins today. Good for them. Oh, Christ. I said that. Who was... Spani was a... Spani said that he could marry you because he knows you'd have a lot of fun with you. I said who was Spenny was Spenny said that

he could marry you because he knows he'd have a lot of fun with you yeah that's true and I wouldn't I would let him just drink himself into an early grave yeah and you wouldn't annoy him

you wouldn't bother him you wouldn't make him tidy up although I would I know that you're on a different level of cleanliness but it's different now

I am like all I do is fucking clean that flat I know and I've seen you on holidays when we were in when we weren't on holidays

we were working in Australia I went into her room wasn't a mess no it wasn't a mess I couldn't believe my eyes now that is definitely you have

I think you get to a stage where you're like my life I need I need some organisation somewhere not everything can be chaos I need to work on your packing

I have to work on your packing skills the packing is still not great. So anyway, I'm on TikTok and I was big into the Kat Janis story and God love her. Who? Kat Janis. Who's that?

So she was on TikTok. She's a singer. I think I showed you her. She had a song. She had cancer and she was dying and so she brought out this song. She was a singer and all the royalties,

she asked people to download it and then it went viral and all the royalties go to her son. So she died there the other day oh no how old was she he's oh she was like 31 that's desperate

31 and she's a kid I know really really sad and then remember we did talk about her because then she she was into she was liking Israel's tweets

and then everyone was trying to cancel her and she was no I don't remember that do you not was it not you I was talking to with this no so everyone was pro-Kat and everyone was getting around

and reusing the song and it went viral and then it transpired. Now this woman is on her actual deathbed. Like, you know. Yeah. Weeks to live.

And she was, I think, I don't know what happened, but she was liking tweets from Israel. Oh. Their official Twitter account.

And next thing, TikTok kicks off, they're like, cancel Kat Janis, like she's, Oh God. She's not, they're like,

cancel her, she's, she's got like two weeks to live. Oh God. Yeah. So that happened in the last two weeks as well. It was about, yeah,

it was within about 28th of Feb she died. Jesus, oh no. Trying to cancel a dying woman what has happened to us I know we are desperate we're desperate

just fucking let it go honestly you know what I mean anyway so now you thought you were dying sorry so anyway I was having a feel of myself

and I found a lump so then I found a lump in my jawline and I was like well obviously it's a sarcoma so I was fucking freaking because that's what Kat Janice had she had a sarcoma she had sarcoma so I was like what's a sarcoma it's a lump in my jawline and I was like, well, obviously it's a sarcoma. So I was fucking freaking out because that's what Kat Janice had. She had a sarcoma.

She had sarcoma. So I was like, what's a sarcoma? It's a lump. It's like a really unusual cancer. I was like, it's a guy who's got a sarcoma or a lymphoma or a fucking renal failure or liver failure or something. And I was freaked out. And I really, I was like. It's one of those little things I've got.

And then I rang my mum and I was like, I found a lump. And it's mad, like the impact that sentence has on people. I know, that's a lot to say to somebody now. You can't be bringing out, I've a lump. I found a lump. You cannot say I've a lump to your poor mother. But I did find a lump. It was a cyst, I'd say.

It wasn't, it was a lump. It was a cyst? It was a lump. It was a cyst. It was a lump. But like in films and everything, they always say, I found a lump. It was a cyst. It was a lump. But like, in films and everything, they always say,

I found a lump and next thing they're being lowered into the ground in Wisconsin or whatever. Do you know? Anyway, it's like, I found a lump. And mum's like,

where is it? I was like, it's in my jawline. Anyway, I went down to the doctor and so the next morning I rang that emergency doctor that you gave me. She's not an emergency doctor.

She's just a doctor. Anyway, obviously, I texted my school friends that I found a lump. I school friends that I found a lump. I was telling everyone I found a lump. Of course, because I was on my own

in the flat. So I was like, I need people to realise like I found a lump. And I kept pushing it and I googled it and they're like, if it's soft,

there's nothing to worry about. But if it's hard, it's something to be seen. So mine was hard as a rock of hell. Okay, what did she say did she say it was a cyst well I woke up

so I rang the doctor and she was like come down she's like is it urgent or can it wait till next week and I said well I found a lump and she was like I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning

so then when she gave me that like kind of crisis reaction I was like this is serious guys this is serious were you back on to co-op funerals I rang

I was like what who have we done an ad with that would help me in this situation Were you back on to co-op funerals? I ran. I was like, who have we done an ad with that could help me in this situation? And I'd just done Kathy Burke's podcast about your ideal death and everything. I did feel closer to death after doing that. The problem with it is, is that at our age,

and I'm throwing you in here as well. I'm only two years younger than you. You're only two years. Which is a lot, by the way. What are you, Jo? I'm dog years. I'm 33 this year two years younger than you. You're only two years. Which is a lot, by the way. What are you, Jo? I'm dog years. I'm 33 this year. Get out of here.

You're only 32. Yeah. Oh. He's never had any Botox, I think, so. It's not his fault. I'm going to catch up with you two quite rapidly.

You're mid-forties at least. He's very tired. You've lived. I didn't know you smoked. I'm going to look older than you two in roughly two years. Oh, yeah. You drank at half nine

in the morning one time when we were in the airport. That's, you know. Where the fuck? I wasn't either. You were in Ireland. Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he got a head start, you know. It's a bit late if you ask me. Tell us what was. Sorry. So I woke up anyway and I was convinced

I had this sarcoma and then I was on my way down for the emergency and the lump was going down and I was convinced I had this sarcoma and then I was on my way down for the emergency and the lump was going down and I was like fuck and you're like come on come on come on

come on come on the whole way down I was like feeling it to make sure it was still there and it was going it was going down so what did she say it was she said

well she did the test I'm going for a scan it's still a lump I found a lump but it's in my jawline she was like look it's probably a lymph node or something

but what she did say was she was like you're absolutely dead right you are at the stage where a lump is scary you have to take these things seriously

she's like you should be she was like when she likes your smear I was like oh god I have to get a smear I have to get a smear she's like you need to be getting colonoscopies

you need to be checking for lumps like all that stuff but I do also need to change my algorithms on TikTok because it's I can't live in fear all the time but I'm going to to change my algorithms on TikTok because it's I can't live in fear

all the time but I'm going to die no because I actually had last week when Sven and I were in Belfast I had really bad pain in one eye

just behind one eye and I had it for like two days and I was like why do I have such a bad and it was like I felt like a big headache and I was like

okay now I've been getting headaches thinking back I've been getting headaches and then I was terrified so I went into Spec Service every little helps now that's not their tagline it's not their tagline okay now I've been getting headaches thinking back I've been getting headaches and then I was terrified so I went into Specsavers every little helps

now that's not their tagline that's their tagline Specsavers is gift of sight Specsavers Specsavers look along they're not paying for this

so we don't care yeah exactly anyway so I went into Specsavers and your man looked in my eyes nothing wrong with me nothing at all it was just dirt I had dirty eyes

that were causing dirty eyes from makeup that were causing pain behind the eyes and I honestly thought that I had brain tumour

well do you know why because we're it's probably over reported people perfectly healthy people who are living

their lives and they have no symptoms and then they develop a little cough and next thing they're told

they've they're stage four or whatever. And that happens and it's scary. So you're dead right to go in and get yourself checked. I know I did. And do you know what I left with? I left with the knowledge that I'm in the group of 10% of people that can read one of the lines. There's one line and only 10% of the population can read it.

No way. And I'm in there. Great eyesight, terrible hearing. Did you get the test for free if you could read the last line? Is that why you pushed yourself? I made sure I knew

what that was. I was cheating. I was going to say something that wouldn't have been funny there. Go on. F***. F have been funny there. Go on. F***. F***. I know.

So Joanne's over at my house yesterday and Spenny has filmed this thing that I've heard endlessly about. When I do a job, I don't tell Spenny endlessly. He sent me about 150 to 200 pictures when he was there and I didn't show them to anyone else because he sent them to me. He was really there and I didn't show them to anyone else

because he sent them to me he was really surprised that I hadn't shown them to Alexander and I'm like send them to Oz yourself and secondly I wouldn't be going around

showing people pictures of myself Joanne's only got one foot in the door he's got the phone straight out showing her pictures the poor man

do you not think that that is so strange no I really don't would you come in and start showing me pictures of your new tour pictures? A hundred percent. Would you go and show Spenny you wouldn't?

Well I did ask him what he'd been up to I think didn't I? I thought it was unusual. Do you not think it's unusual? It's not unusual. Like if I was like hey what are you doing? You're like I filmed this TV show. Here's some of the photos. Here's a fucking album to look at. You can tell he's really proud because it is he's a very proud man he's proud

he's only proud of himself it's very cool it's very like fear and loathing vibes and I think he wanted to get that across my god I feel like he's starting

to send like nudes to our parents whatsapp group honestly did I tell you about I think I told you so you know the way some people just send

little DMs every now and again about stuff we've spoken about in the pod and I find them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can't remember what we were, it must have been something about accidentally sending things to people. But I found this DM from this woman who said her husband, the cleaner in his office, so they're all like obviously WhatsApp contacts. Yeah.

As her WhatsApp status accidentally posted a photo. She was like in her kind of late 60s photo of herself masturbating into a mirror. Oh God. That's her setting. Oh God. I know.

Oh my God. I know. I know. She's about to lose one. I know. So bad. Oh my God. She'll probably think no one saw it. No one will ever say anything. Someone's going to have to have said it to her. Oh my God. I know so bad I know oh my god she'll probably think

no one saw it no one will ever say anything someone's gonna have to have said it to her oh my god they would've I know somebody who

obviously screen grabbed an email from their bank and posted it to their whatsapp remember I reposted that review of us as well you did yeah

because my stepdad sent me the review and I was I don't know how it happened yeah I don't know how it happens it's the worst I know I feel very bad for her I did do a call out

actually speaking of that people speaking of what speaking of people mailing you because I was meant to do this last week and I forgot so it's about

spawning your ex in public you know when that happens when you first we love stories around exes we love stories around breakups we just do live for it

like it actually hasn't happened to me too many times I've never bumped into my ex-husband touch wood never it's kind of

it's very lucky yeah it's very lucky very lucky yeah yeah yeah because I don't know I wouldn't anyway it's different if you

share a social circle some people just can't avoid their exes like friends weddings or whatever I did have another another people just can't avoid their exes like friends weddings or whatever i did have an other another ex and uh there was two other exes i could remember bumping into one was this guy that i went out with in school and i thought he was really cool because he was older than me and uh how old well he was 26 and i was 17 and and i thought he was really cool and then he broke up with me and he got back with his ex and i was driving home from

school with my mom and he was in the car in front with back with his ex and I was driving home from school with my mum and he was in the car in front with his with his ex-girlfriend and they were back together and I remember sitting there with my mum being like

it's emotional yeah it's hard when they move on have you ever bumped into an ex? yes now yeah I'm trying to think

yeah I always know Joanne's is going to be good no no no no no it's not actually it's not I'm just to think yeah I always know Joanne's is going to be good no no no no no it's not actually it's not I'm just thinking what can I say

em so one guy I went out with for years I was like obsessed with him as I am with all of them and em

he I bumped I was working in PR at the time and I was doing the guest list for the cinema we were doing

a premiere of something and he walked up with his new girlfriend. But like, oh no, like we were long over. Like it didn't matter at all. And I got down off the seat because I was in PR. I kissed him hello because that's on the cheek. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's fine. His face, not his fucking ass. That's fine. Do you know what I mean? Jo's looking at me like I've done something insane. Not his fucking ass. Jo's looking at me like I've done something like really bizarre

because Joanne usually kisses people on the ass that's how she does this any man I meet she was really respectful to the ex though hi King I jumped down off the seat

gave him a kiss hello he was with his girlfriend and then they went into the cinema and then he messaged me then a couple of days after and he was like nice to see you

but did you really have to kiss me in front of my girlfriend stop after and he was like nice to see you but did you really have to kiss me in front of my Stop! Yeah and I was like Grow up! Grow up! Who was that? You don't know

Gilly Dick That's so embarrassing I was like I didn't wear the face off you Is that right? I can't I don't think I actually wrote back to him

I can't remember I'd have to check my DMs That is pathetic I remember I bummed I was like are you that are you and her that fragile I haven't seen you in about 12 years well she obviously must have gotten pissy about it okay well I had some things uh bumping into an ex yes go on one girl I was dressed up as a full-on witch green face and all we'd been out for about 15 minutes he was obviously trick

or treating um and I was taking my little um nephew approximately four years old up to every door so I ring the doorbell of the next house lined up to be greeted by one of my exes. Imagine that grief. Why was she? She was dressed up as a witch. It was Halloween. She was bringing her nephew around. Oh, no.

And she called to his door. No. No. No. Hang on. My ex lives across from me, but I successfully avoided bumping into him for six months. Well, ran into him and his new girlfriend

while bundled up like a snowman turns out she's also a small curly haired brunette American just ten years younger than me with a posher job ouch

that would hurt but I think that people always like there's always kind of like I've seen people go out with people who are literally

the new the new partner is twinning with the old partner I find that really strange so I actually I've had this conversation out with people who are literally, the new partner is twinning with the old partner. I find that really strange. So I actually, I've had this conversation with Sven. I was like, if we broke up, who would you, he's like, oh, I'd go out with a lawyer. And I'm like, okay, God, that's pretty specific.

Yeah, so he would literally, he would want to go out with a lawyer. So he could take you down probably for a little bit. Yeah, take me down for free. That sounds like more something I would do. It does. Sarah Nashka It's Irish for free Is it?

I told you I've been learning Irish You know Rupert Murdoch's back on the scene just FYI Is he? Or did he get engaged again he's done something

He couldn't be engaged again He's after doing something Oh yeah he's engaged again He's engaged again What? Yeah Still hope for me yet Yeah But Spenny said he'd go out with a lawyer couldn't be engaged again he's after doing something oh yeah he's engaged again what yeah still hope for me yet yeah

but Spenny said he'd go out with a lawyer or somebody not in the public eye but I think I might go out with like a rapper or something they all say that they all say that

I think it's some low level gaslighting I'd prefer to go out with somebody with a more like permanent job we can't both have unpermanent jobs

if you know what I mean if and when I bump into exes there's no point in being nasty you don't have to be nasty oh well no I wouldn't be nasty but I mean just give them like

his head but just a little bit but because we've made such like there's no I've no dignity left via

like the podcast and bad videos of me it's like there's no it doesn't matter like there's I've no higher ground anymore I know but I do get that kind of like I would rather not bump. Like, I've no higher ground anymore.

I know, but I do get that kind of, like, I would rather not bump into them. Like, I'm friendly with most of them, but I'd rather, like, and it's funny because I was just, because I'm reading Elizabeth Day's book for my book club thing that I'm doing, and she was talking about bumping into exes and how that, like, she's not friends

with, like, some of her longer-term exes. And I actually do think it's quite hard if you've been with somebody for that long and in that capacity, it's kind of hard to try and be, I tried to do it with one of my exes and I actually do think it's quite hard if you've been with somebody for that long and in that capacity it's kind of hard to try and be I tried to do it with one of my exes

and it just didn't really work we're not friends we're not friends and that wouldn't be fair on their current partner that's it like the dynamic is such

that you're it's very hard to like there's such a familiarity there that if you've got a new partner it is a bit fucking awkward

yeah they don't want to be hanging out with you or neither no particularly when you're as sound as us not right

it always is a bit like you look at them and you're like hey how's it going you're like he was in me I can't I always think about that

he was inside me I always think about that how's your mum he was inside me yeah god god we did that and that.

And then sometimes when you're with somebody like Spencer, it's like, oh God, he's had sex with both of us. Because I hung out with a couple of Spencer's exes.

It is weird, isn't it? It's weird. And like, your mind shouldn't go there, but it's straight where mine goes. Of course. Yeah.

God. But I can't remember. Remember we spoke about dick amnesia. But I can't remember. Remember we spoke about dick amnesia. I honestly can't remember. I can remember, like, I can't remember the dick.

No, but that's because they're not, I don't, I know it's not dick amnesia. I think it's because they're not that, sorry Jo, you're kind of getting tense there,

but I think they all kind of, like, they're not that spectacular. It's not like looking at a Picasso that you're like, oh, I must remember this vision of beauty for the rest of my life. No. It's just like a at a Picasso that you're like oh I must remember this vision of beauty for the rest of my life

it's just like a bit of extra something it's just like a tail on the front do you know what I mean I'd recognise that in Maine anywhere

you wouldn't but I'd struggle to even remember the sex probably because I don't want to like I could say that I never had sex

with any of my exes it's so like not in my mind I don't want to like I could say that I never had sex with any of my exes it's so like not in my mind I wouldn't but like saying that like Svenny and I had sex on Friday night and he was like

that was brilliant and I'd had five drinks so I was like was it? I honestly couldn't remember I could have woken up the next day if I had trousers on I would have said

we didn't have sex but I didn't have trousers on so I was like oh yeah I've had some of them I was like did we? and he's like well yeah but you were looking at yourself in the mirror

you didn't even you were so focused when you caught a reflection of yourself in the mirror I might I was like I wasn't here anyway he's like look at her she's gorgeous

look how well she's doing look at that she's like a porn star look at that look at me arched there oh my god amazing arched there my god amazing at uni physically bumped

into him at the shop while I was holding nothing but a chorizo chorizo whatever chorizo

oh that's good chorizo and you all you talk about is sausage it's like your thing I'm a bit out of the loop at the moment yeah

I have a lot on my mind what do you want me to fill you in on tell me about Hayley Bieber's sister throwing a tampon at someone oh god I know ok right well there's not much beyond that so I just thought,

like, it just, I want to say about two things because I saw something else that I was like, it's insane. So where is it? Okay, so Hayley Bieber's sister was arrested

because she's been arrested for assault and battery because she was in a club in Georgia and she threw a used tampon at a bartender. I mean, how do you get to the point where and she threw a used tampon at a bartender. I mean, how do you get to the point where you're ripping out a tampon and throwing it at somebody? That's what I wanted to know. Like what happened in the lead up to that?

I don't know. So maybe she wasn't served at the bar, but in America. Surely there has to be something more to it. In America, as you know yourself, if you don't tip, they don't come back. They do not come back. You have to leave like $3 for every single drink. So you have to add that onto your drinks order. And I think what must have happened is she wasn't being served.

I don't know. But then the dad, what's his name? Stephen? Alec. Stephen Baldwin? One of them. Not Alec. Stephen posted this thing like pray for Hayley and Justin as well.

So there's a few bits and bobs going on in that family. But Scarlett I imagine I imagine everyone knows you through a used tampon she must have been on something yeah her period the blob as they used to call it

back in the day the blob I just can't imagine that you'd be it would be the last thing I think you'd do on somebody I would never think of using a used tampon

as a weapon but more fool us I know because actually if it can actually earn you an arrest for assault and battery it's clearly a pretty good weapon

it's a pretty disgusting weapon and here we are walking them through the airports day in day out no one's taking it off us no disgusting little weapon hanging around

imagine going through the x-ray machine to like pull that weapon out of you you're like Jesus get it out Jesus guys. Imagine trying to hold up a plane with a used tampon.

The stuff you can get through and the stuff you can't get through. Imagine someone with a used tampon at the pilot's door. Get out. It's more where that came from. Of course.

She's serious. She's serious. There's a crew of us here. There's a hen party here. We're full of them. So fucking disgusting So Just hear the

Splash as it hits the wall Of the cockpit The next time I have a fight With Spenny I'm actually going to do that Just do it And just see what happens I'll actually

I'll do it for the pod And I'll tell you exactly What happens Like what his reaction is Just turn around Okay wait a second turn around dig it out

what did you fucking say oh my god I'm gonna do it for research and if he if he gets really busy about it I'll be like so many of it was research research for the pod

what you need to do is start storing them up so instead of disposing of them put them in a sandwich bag I'm actually not on my period now so if you had one you could loan me lock them in a put them in a sandwich bag I'm actually not on my period now so if you had one you could loan me lock them in a

lock them in a cabinet like they do with the guns oh my god and with any joy it would smell just like the tampon bins in the toilets disgusting

disgusting do you remember though when 50 Cent got arrested feels like misogyny that's all I'm going to say it feels like was it

I just want to ask was it a male bartender? I think it was. Yeah, you see? Like, get over yourself. Sorry, Nejo. I would like to think that if I threw a used tampon

in your face, you'd just shake it off. She was trying to be a feminist. You know what I mean? They're just horrified by women's bodily functions. This feels misogynistic to me. I mean, I really wouldn't want

a tampon thrown at me. It's so bad. It doesn't matter what you want, though. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want, you'll get what you need. I would appreciate in our next argument if you did not want a tampon thrown at me. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you want, though. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want. You'll get what you need. I would appreciate our next argument if you did not throw a tampon at me. But I think it would be the best way to resolve the argument.

Imagine I just got a tampon in the eye of an egg. It's an icebreaker for sure. Did you just throw it? I did, yeah. No, you fucking didn't. You're there with your pathetic thong sanitary pads the size of a tic tac and I've got a loaded weapon

have you ever seen how much a nappy holds have you ever put a nappy in a like a kid in a nappy a proper nappy in a pool not a swim nappy

yeah it holds a lot sorry I absolutely haven't you should know about a nappy you've used them before when you've run out yeah so when I go to the sauna in my nappy. You've used them before when you've run out.

Yes, when I go to the sauna in my nappy, it gets quite full. We tried to get your man in the ice bath yesterday. She was having absolutely none of it. I don't want to be uncomfortable on a Sunday. I don't like it either. It's what the people want to see though. I don't care.

I think we do want, we want to see it. We want to see you throw a time bomb at someone and we want you in the ice bath I'm not doing it yeah but it's good content so she got arrested with that 50 Cent got arrested

for saying motherfucker in St Kitts because you're not allowed to do it there in the Caribbean oh really yeah you're not allowed he got arrested

Matthew McConaughey you'll like this because I enjoyed this and it makes me like him even more he was arrested in 1999 when the police

responded to a noise complaint at his house in Texas and found him playing the b He was arrested in 1999 when the police responded to a noise complaint at his house in Texas and found him playing the bongo drums at 3am in the nude while another man

also naked dancing clapped along. I love that he's legitimately mad. He is like but I'd love to hang out He's so woo woo. Can you imagine him just like Yeah.

He's so woo woo isn't he? Just bouncing around balls going everywhere thrilled with themselves. I'd say there's a lot of like sound bowls and, you know, saging and chanting

and that kind of thing. Now this is somewhere I feel like both of us could find ourselves. Robert Downey Jr. in 1996 was charged with trespassing because he was found asleep

in his neighbour's home. In the actual home? Yeah, in their home. He got in and they went in in Malibu as well. That's scabby on the neighbour's part now. He was obviously off his tits. Yeah, and they shouldn't. Like, and they went in in Malibu as well. That's scabby on the neighbour's part now.

He was obviously off his tits. Yeah, and they shouldn't. Like, that's not fair. It's Robert Downey Jr. People pay good money. He can sleep wherever the hell he wants. Wherever he wants. Yeah. Have you ever been arrested? No, I was thinking about that. I haven't actually been arrested. I haven't even been closed because remember I told you I used to pay my friends to steal

from me? Yes. Of course, you were running the business yeah obviously Rizal's over there you see that Miss Selfridge eye stack

get me six of them and I'll give you three quid I couldn't be caught this seems like great this seems like great but I know and you got caught stealing fucking

food yeah jam bonds jam bonds baguettes and yeah ice creams and all, yeah, I know. I also think that was mean. To arrest you for that. A demi-baguette.

Come on. Well, there was more to it than that now. Why? Crime is a crime. It wasn't like I just walked out with a demi-baguette. I got a shopping bag and I was just putting stuff in. I didn't. I was completely out of my mind.

I was also coming up on these, like, tablets. So I was very whacked out of it. Did you have to go to the police station, though? Yeah. And what did they say? They took me off in a police car. I was in the back. Yeah, Pat following in the forward behind.

Yeah. Pat came in, because the second she saw the police car pull up, she was like, it's Joanne, because I'd only just come out. Where was I? I was in treatment, but I was in as a day patient. But I was completely, it's Joanne. Because I was just, I'd only just come out. Where was I? I was getting, I was in treatment, but I was in as a day patient.

And then when I, but I was completely, it was just like peak mad. Like absolutely mad. But I hadn't been able to be bulimic because I was being watched like a hawk.

So this was the first time I was left alone because she asked me to go in and get a bottle of slimline tonic. So the second I hit the shops, I started stealing food. Oh, stop. Yeah. And then the police car kept, mum was like, where is she? And the police car pulled up slimline tonic so the second I hit the shops I started stealing food oh stop

yeah and then the police car get mum was like where is she and the police car pulled up and she was like fuck sake no

she knew straight away she's like that'll be Joanne now oh my yeah and then she went in and I was putting a score today they just they didn't

in fairness they didn't it's actually so sad I know it is kind of sad but it's also it's also hilarious it's actually so sad I know it is kind of sad but it's also it's also hilarious it's hilariously sad

a really evil criminal going out with a load of telly baguettes yeah because I remember they were like where are the electronics because they just

couldn't get out it didn't make any sense but like loads of people steal food but you know anyway they said they were there

like look we're not going to handcuff you because your mum's outside and she's very upset oh stop so she'd already spoken to them yeah she was in screaming your mum's outside and she's very upset. Oh, stop. So she'd already spoken to them? Yeah, she was in screaming.

She's bulimic. She's bulimic in the middle of Tesco and Delirium. Oh, fuck me. I know. Pat made it a bit worse for you there now. Well, it didn't. It didn't help because I was like, listen, don't tell. Listen, we'll keep this between ourselves.

Because I was trying to text her to say I was going to be late. And they're like, what are you doing? You can't use your phone like you're under arrest. Oh, God. I was like, shut up. I'm like, properly arrested doing you can't use your phone like you're under arrest oh god and I was like shut up I'm like properly arrested

like and so then then they took you in and what happened so then there was a a male guard and a band guard

and the he was actually really lovely and when mum was saying like oh she's bleeding he was like oh I've seen this before I understand

I think he must have had someone in the family or something and he was really nice he gave me a little letter at the end and all saying like good luck in your

recovery and everything yeah if he could see you now what was the band guard like? she in fairness to her was more just like you've committed a crime he was very kind

I just I feel like there's levels of crimes I was actually looking into it you did right I'm from the south side of Dublin like sorry but like you can't be putting people in prison for fucking I can't be treated the You did right. I'm from the south side of Dublin. Like, sorry, but like you can't be

putting people in prison for fucking... I can't be treated the same as everyone else. I'm sorry. No, but anyone should not be put in prison for stealing bread.

Well, no, they didn't put me in prison. They walked me around the cells and they said, look, if you do it again, they're like... And then I got a sergeant's warning where you go down

and you get brought in. They're like, look, we'll let you out this time. But he said, look, if it happens again, it's not going to matter why you're shoplifting it's just going to be

you're shoplifting well if you're in America you'd probably go to prison for 20 years so you should be thankful I know yeah be on death row if you steal a car

like twice you're in prison for 25 years be on death row for a pecan pie I wonder what Hayley Bieber's sister will get then if you go to prison

for stealing a car if you're throwing a tampon on someone in Atlanta Georgia you're fucked you're not a tampon on someone in Atlanta Georgia you're fucked you're not come on firstly she is a child of immense

privilege they're one of the biggest families in America God imagine she gets to wear all her sister's clothes okay the last topic

I want to talk to you about was the K-pop fans oh yeah I don't know this story but I know K-pop I know the whole K-pop scene is wild but it's

the wildest thing so okay there's a K-pop singer and her fans have gone absolutely crazy because they found out she has a boyfriend

they've gone completely wild they were trying to get her cancelled and they're like basically like she'll be off the charts she won't have another absolutely crazy because they found out she has a boyfriend they've gone completely wild they were trying to get her cancelled and they're like basically like she'll be off the charts she won't have another song out in the charts

ever again if she doesn't come and apologise to us and she actually pandered to it so like she's part of a group called

AESPA AESPA AESPA yeah and she issued a heartfelt apology to fans, right? And her scandalous revelation was that she's in a relationship.

She basically, she apologised to 12.7 million Instagram followers. But like, I'm just like, why would you apologise for having a boyfriend? Because K-pop, it's such a weird industry. They're put into school. They're put into like a K-pop college when they're kids. And they're, remember when we were younger and there'd be a K-pop college when they're kids and they're, remember when we were younger and there'd be gay male pop stars but they would deny

that they were gay so that women could buy into this fantasy that they could be their boyfriends. I think it's similar with them. You basically own your, that's why they have

really high suicide rates in these K-pop bands because they're held to these weird standards. They're like priests. They're like this kind of asexual standard where they can't have a life outside of what they're like priests they're like this kind of asexual standard

where they can't have a life outside of what they're doing it's so bizarre but there was there was others because I looked into it then and I started going down a hole and there's

one of them right he his drink was spiked with his orange juice he took orange juice off somebody

that he thought was a member of staff it wasn't it was a fan who didn't like him who liked an opposing band. And he basically had filled it with crazy glue. What? Yeah, he was trying to kill the singer because he was from a rival band that he didn't like. There was another one who wrote a band, a K-pop band, a letter in menstrual blood, which I mean...

Well, now after today's discussion. It is a theme today. Yeah. At least you could just take the tampon out and it'd be like a pen. It's a loaded weapon. straw blood which I mean well now after today's discussion it is a theme today and at least you could just take the tampon out and it'd be like a pen it's a loaded weapon someone else took a picture

of one of them sleeping I mean remember that girl I mean this is not on a like level at all I know exactly what you're going to say in the tube

yeah I got the tube I love the tube yeah on her scooter scoot on my scooty I took it and Joanne sent me all these pictures

of me on the tube and on my scooter and Joanne sent me all these pictures of me on the tube and on my scooter. Someone had sent Joanne all these pictures of me going up the escalator. That person must have been behind me for quite some time. She was like,

Joanne, I saw Vogue in the tube today and my boyfriend doesn't care so I'm sending them to you. And I was like, thank you so much for keeping tabs on her for me. And it was photos of Vogue just like right from the back,

like on your jacket going up the escalator. I know. It was ones you saw when they were getting on the tube. That's so funny. Yeah. People always, I can't take the slagging about the scooter anymore. Honestly, I can't take it.

I think it suits you. People slag me all the time. Like, I went out for dinner last week and they're all like, go on, go on the scooter. Let us get a picture of you on the scooter. And I'm like, no! They're very popular. But let's go back to the K-pop thing. Because they've so many, imagine having 12.7 million

I know but that's not look at Cristiano Ronaldo he's got like 100 I don't know how many does he have I think with the K-pop world they're just

you're right they're just it's possessive yeah they're like we own you you're ours it's like X Factor

back in the day but it never ends it's just and then there's there was loads of the weird scandals with guys in K-pop bands who were being accused

of kind of spiking girls and it's all very sinister. It's kind of like, because there's some here now that are like, oh, they were chased around Sweden. But like, isn't that interesting that they would have

such a huge fan base also in Sweden? It sounds like they're fanatical. Yeah, but like, I guess it's kind of like similar to what like, what are they called? One Direction would have had.

Exactly. Yeah. But I think on an even bigger scale. Sorry, Spencer tried to say he was cooler than Harry Styles earlier. Yeah. Come on, seriously. I told him to Google Harry Styles

at Hampstead East. Is he back on the drugs? I think he was. He's obviously back in the booze or something. Just not right. Someone tried to, someone tried to kidnap the girls

so there was a girl actually on stage and a kidnapper tried to steal her from the stage that's so intense I think that would be so frightening

and they get a lot of things said because I don't know why fans have their addresses for some reason so they say they get sent a lot of food deliveries

and they've had to some of the band members from some of the bands have had to say please stop sending food I'm not going to eat food from people that I don't know where it's come from

you would ah yeah I would yeah I'm sure in a bag of edibles someone stuffed in a pair of boxer shorts with my name on the back

but the bag of edibles was sealed someone was like I can't believe you ate them I was like I'm not puting no one's trying to take me down do you know what I mean

I don't know and it was in some small town in Canada I was like this can't believe you ate them I was like I'm not puting like no one's trying to take me down do you know what I mean I don't know and it was in some small town in Canada I was like this woman seems pretty normal like and the bag got sealed she's big sound

yeah I like to I like to trust to trust with the bag I come from a place of trust I actually saw I watched a really funny film the other night

I love Melissa McCarthy I'd watch anything but Melissa McCarthy I love her. I do love her. And it's a film, God's favourite idiot. She's not the most amazing movies, if we're really honest. I would watch anything with her in it, though.

I just think she's just so, she just makes me laugh so much. She's easy to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the opening scene, she roofies herself. Sure, she's telling someone, she's like, I roofied myself. They're like, how did you do that? And she's like, it's really easy, actually. There was, what did she say she did

there was a guy she saw at the bar oh yeah she thought she was taking a breath mint there was a guy she saw at the bar and he was kind of giving her the eye and she was like oh he likes what he sees when we were living in Scotland in Aberdeen they used to do this thing

because you'd be absolutely deranged it was a pound of vodka mix we were all hammered that's legal em and they'd go around I think that is but they'd go around and like people from the unis

were putting ducks in people's drinks and Amber once came home with something like 30 ducks. And she was absolutely thrilled and I was like, that was actually part of an experiment. To see how much you drink.

To see how much people could just put something in your drink when you're not watching. She'd like 30 of the little ducks. That's so funny. I know. She's like, oh my God,

I collected them all. I know. She's like, oh my God, I collected them all. I won. Just before we go, I have to obviously give one last plug to America. I've got Philadelphia on March 25th, Chicago the 27th,

San Fran on the 28th and 29th and 30th. And then I'm in LA on the 3rd and 4th of April. I have places for you to go in San Fran. Do you? I have friends. I used to live there. Because I'm in LA on the 3rd and 4th of April I have places for you to go in Southampton do you? I have friends

I used to live there because I'm there for three shows which I really don't know how what? yeah I used to live there now only for like six weeks but still I live there

oh god you're one of those I also lived in Chicago again for six weeks on my J1 six weeks is a substantial amount of time yeah I was living there

I had emigrated I Svenny and I have our last two Dublin shows we've got them on the 28th and 29th of this month in the Gaiety Theatre

I think people think there's no booze on the 29th because it's Good Friday there is booze you can always get booze in the theatre on Good Friday you can always get booze

in the Gaiety and Joanne and I the arts is very busy on Good Friday everyone's going into the theatre Do you remember the story I told you about your man going into the theatre

and going and he's like I want a ticket for the show and everyone's like what show? Do you know what it is? and he goes I don't care if it's a duck

having a wank just give me a ticket Stop! So you can Yeah you can get booze and also because therapists Hold on Is Good Friday

is that not gone now? No it is gone but I think people I don't know I don't know Anyway there is booze but Joanne and I when we did our show

on the gated day and I had booze into the theater so we're going to be like booze in the theater as well are you deaf indeed yeah 28th and 29th yeah we'll see you

there spencerandvogue.com yeah but I won't be there for you you'll be in Philadelphia I'm frowning on all that you'll be in my old

home you'll be on my old hood yeah meeting your old neighbors and all thank you everyone for listening that has been the main episode of My Therapist

get us in me and keep sending in your emails please they're good the emails are good yeah we love them