My Therapist Ghosted Me - Accidents, Altercations & Spuffing

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

They're back from Ibiza and they've got plenty to tell you about! Vogue is short on sleep, but she knows much more about the flight home than Joanne does. Plus, Brooklyn Beckham, a bag of cans and 'attachment styles'. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally and herself, Vogue McWilliams. No, Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. Are we making Vogue a thing? Vogue Williams. Stop trying to make fetch happen. Have you seen Mean Girls?

Yeah, thank God. So gorgeous. Gar happen have you seen Mean Girls yeah thank god so good yeah Garote hasn't seen Mean Girls I was like what kind of gay are you well Jo we're back from Byfa

we had the most fun in Ibiza Joanne something right from Ibiza no we worked we worked hard we were doing 12 hour days

we did work hard it wasn't all fun and games we were working hard we were up early up early I did work hard it wasn't all fun and games we were working hard we were up early up early I barely drank do you want well

I mean I barely drank well that would be drinking to me that was yep I was trying to maintain an air professionalism

do you know do you know when you're coming back from Ibiza and you're like I can't wait to see the state of people in the airport

you were so excited because this is it so enjoys other people's pain do you remember how excited to see the state of people in the airport you were so excited because this is it all enjoys other people's pain do you remember how excited you got when Amber got punched in the face

by your mum oh my god when she got her mate she didn't punch her in the face she put soap in her mouth oh let's say she punched her

no she put soap in her mouth the idea that was thrilling to me but we're going so Amber had gone home a couple of days

early and she'd struck gold there was a guy puking into a plastic bag and I was like, yes! Now, we did see people being carted off by security. I don't know what they had done. But I have to say,

the most drunk person on my flight was John McDonagh. I was that person. Somebody had gone out-out the night before. I went out-out, yeah. Actually, I went out-out-out, if I'm being honest. I went that person. Somebody had gone out, out the night before. I went out, out, yeah. I went actually, I went out, out, out. If I'm being honest.

I went three outs. At least three. Lost those Celine sunglasses. Oh God, they never showed up. Absolutely fuming. They never showed up. 300 quid.

I'm fuming. Well, I mean, at least you didn't spend much on your nails. Thank God I made a saving on my nails. I don't feel too bad now. It was the only thing.

Actually, we were getting in our car. So, do you want me? Not even a lick of nail art. I still can't get over it. I cannot get over it. I'd be expecting like jewels and shit on my nails.

Like, what the hell? Where was the gold? Fabergé eggs hanging off the end. Come on. Fabergé egg at the end of every nail. Just plain neon orange.

But Megan, our friend who was staying with us and she was helping me with the auto. I love Megan. We had a great night. We really bonded on the last night. She's great cracker. It was Megan's birthday. So I was like, go out.

Go on, go out. So I went home because we had auto there. And actually when I think about it, I was quite frightened to be in that house with my own little door. It was a bit isolated. I know. That's the kind of shit like Saul happens there. it, I was quite frightened to be in that house on my own in the middle of nowhere. It was a bit isolated. I know. That's the kind of shit

like Saul happens there. Anyway, I made it. And the next morning, I mean, I do have an air of smugness to me anyway. But when those bitches walked in the door

at half five in the morning. I don't remember it coming back. Well, Joanne, I went in. I just remember I just was on a plane. Joanne. I was like, why is everything so far away? I'm in the sky! I'm in the sky! How did I get into the sky?

I was in a blackout. I went into Duran's room. We were leaving at quarter to seven. I went into her room at quarter past six and I opened the door and she does this thing where she raises from the bed and I was like, John, we're leaving in half an hour.

She's like, okay. Like I had just been really irritating her. She had the iPad going on the bedside table and then her laptop beside her other ear also playing something completely separate. I like to keep the mind busy. Even when I sleep, I like to keep the mind ticking over.

Joanne, you can't sleep well. You just have all this blue light in your face the whole time you've got it shining into either eye I know so I do think it's disturbing

that the only way I know how to relax is to listen to people getting murdered on like deadline you're definitely not relaxing no you're not

it's a fake it's a false sense of security but yeah I was the big I was the biggest piss head on the plane now remember getting the taxi

you don't we went into the taxi the taxi driver the plane. Now, remember getting the taxi? You don't. We went out to the taxi. The taxi driver... The taxi driver... The taxi driver was... You actually owed money for that. The taxi driver was... I voiced an outage to that.

I remembered. I was like, oh, she's owed money. Yeah, go on, go on. The taxi driver... Well, first of all, he just, like, walked into the villa. And he was like, oh, I'm just seeing... He did?

I was like, well, well, well. And he went into the back garden and stuff. And he was like, oh, I'm just seeing... He did? I was like, well, well, well. And he went into the back garden and stuff, and I was like, he's like, oh, I'm just seeing, I might have a client who wants this.

And I was like, okay. And anyway, then Joanne does her usual, I don't get anywhere where my passport is. And she popped open the case. Oh my God.

What's wrong with the case? I've got to show you a picture. I have a picture of it I've been showing people I packed I thought I packed quite I roll You have to roll

That's when you pack Do you want Oh you rolled You rolled your stuff Are you sure you rolled your stuff? Look at that Show me I'm going to pack the night before

I roll I roll everything It does look a little chaotic I'm going to pack the night before. I roll everything. It does look a little chaotic. I did wonder about that, Kate. Where is it now and what's happened? If you're asking have I unpacked, I'd be not.

Of course I fucking haven't unpacked. Oh my God. What did I do? I remember being in the sky and then we came out of the sky and then I don't remember what happened. Oh, I'll tell you what I do remember. So in the sky and then then we came out of the sky and then I don't remember what happened oh I'll tell you what I do remember

so Vogue in fairness she was kind of forcing Otto on me and I'm glad because me and Otto have kind of bonded now she's like you're not going to hold your godson now

do you remember I took a photo she took I took a photo I wanted to take a photo with Vogue she had a lovely picture of herself and Otto

in the pool and she goes look how cute me and Theodore look and I said that's not Theodore. That's the other one. I know

I was so sober like today I was like look at me and Theodore. She's like Joanne that is not Theodore. That is Otto. Your God's child. They look alike.

They do look alike. It's only ten years in the difference. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh so. You couldn't stop slagging Otto, by the way,

on the day of the airport. You were like, I think I like him more because he looks like your little brother. Like, look at him in his little suit outfit. Oh, he was wearing,

that was a weird outfit. That was a, excuse me. No? That was a linen romper. Yeah. A striped linen romper. I know.

It was a bit like the baby from Del Monte says, yes, that's what it screamed to me. Well, I'm sorry. You might as well have been wearing a Panamaper. I know. It was a bit like the baby from Del Monte says, yes, that's what it screamed to me. Well, I'm sorry. You might as well have been wearing a Panama hat. He's a child. He's a child. If I could get a Panama hat to stay on his head, I would.

I wanted to dress him. He has to be in his best dress clothes because in fairness, whoever got stuck beside me on a flight home from a beat down with a newborn baby, like I just... Your man had a great time. But Otto was fine, wasn't he?

Yeah, he didn't do anything. Look at her. Wasn't he? Actually, before the. Was Otto on the plane? Before we even took off, Joanne brought herself to the toilet. And you have this pout

when you're like hungover, you're drunk. So she pouted away up to the toilet. I was in row three. She was in 13. And then she waltzed us back down the aisle and then the aeros testers had an announcement.

Did somebody leave a navy jumper? I was like, I'll take that. I left a jumper somewhere, did I? I probably wear your lefty glasses. I'm absolutely fuming. Do you know that

mint green revolve? Lost it. What? Yeah. Joanne. I know. Now, in fairness, I just need to staple

everything. I need to staple sunglasses to the side of my head and staple my clothes on. I question if you lose these things because when we were

leaving the villa as well, I said, Joanne, there's your black sandals on the ground and you were like, nah, they can get lost. Yeah, no, no,

I've had enough of this. I've kind of moved on from them. These aren't the OG hacked sandals. I always end up having to throw stuff out on the way back. It's very wasteful.

Anyway, I was flying with Vogue and I was delighted to be able to assist her with her youngest child because she has to use a buggy and stuff and then she gave me

the buggy to push at one stage. God knows why. No, no. I'll tell you where I started. The queue for checking in the bags was absolutely huge

and then Vogue was like I think I can because I've got a baby. There's like a family queue. They're not going to die to get lost. The power of a pram. Did you see me?

I was going 90 through the airport driving the thing around. No, I didn't queue for a thing. Everyone's today to my way. It was like I just saved a life. They're like, oh, it's the respect. There's a lot of respect. There's a lot of loopholes when you've got a pram.

I know, I know. I was like, I'll just fucking get a pram. I'm sorry, but I think you have to. When someone has kids, you've got to be a bit, you've got a pram. I know, I know. I was like, I'll just fucking get a pram. I'm sorry, but I think you have to. When someone has kids, you've got to be a bit, you've got to be a little bit nice. I've just never been respected so much

by strangers. It was like, yes, look, I did push it out. She's like, this is our IVF baby. Look what I've been, yeah,

I was like being vogue. We were like, I loved, I loved our lesbian couple vibes. Yeah, we were great. We were great. I raised that kid in that airport that day. But yeah, I was firing around with that pram.

Brilliant. Pushing into things, pushing people out of the way. Definitely get a fake pram for an airport. I would highly recommend. Somebody actually gave me a great tip as well. You can actually, because with a newborn,

you have to have them on your lap, but you can actually, you're allowed to book a seat beside you for the baby, and I never knew that. So you can have just that little bit of space. Oh, just pay for the baby? I know, you see, I don't think I'd pay for it.

How much is it? They couldn't charge full whack. I think they charge full whack. I don't know, there's certain things that I'm scabby about and I'd be scabby about that. I'd pay. No, I wouldn't actually. I wouldn't pay. No, I wouldn't.

Why are you getting a play? I thought you have jets and lobster pots. I do have lobster pots I haven't invested in a jet yet maybe that's maybe at a later date what would you get first a jet or a boat

ooh I think a jet I have boats boats well you get a boat I'll get a jet Joanne will waddle up with an oppie

an optimist is that what they're called what are they called an optimist one of those boats that like fits one person, the one that you learn how to sail in.

I'll be like, folks, I piled up a part of the deal, I got a jet, and I'm like, I bought a canoe, okay? So I'm out on my own, baby.

Drop me in the Bahamas. Good luck. You are delighted about Otto, though. You're happy he's your godson? Ah, yeah. He's so smiley and lovely and it's great

when they smile at you like do you know what I mean you feel like you've done something very impressive

yeah because she usually just wanders around snarling at you she did like you over there what is that what is that

I can't control myself around her because I'm so drawn to her and she feels and it's too much I'm clingy especially when she wears

those little shark legs or whatever she wears when she first forgot to go swimming oh her little her wings her water wings her water wings

oh gosh she's so sticky well I'll tell you now that I know the power of a pram I'd knock a baby I'd just skip a queue I actually have a spare pram

you can take with you I did tell you before didn't I about someone I know who bought a sometimes I don't know where he got these stories from but I think I

I think someone told me this yeah they did they bought a baby seat so they can so they can park in it's a good idea children areas

come on now someone just didn't pull out now you get special parking that doesn't seem fair disgusting sometimes they did pull out and now you get special parking. That doesn't seem fair. Disgusting. Sometimes they did pull out, but it was too late.

Too late. It was too late. Spenning calls it spuffing. I'd never heard that before. What? A spuff. Spuff. Spuff. Spuff.

Spuff. Spuff. Oh, I thought he was saying spuff. This is where the language barrier kicks in. You can't even understand. Do you think I'm spuffed in the bed? What's spuffed mean? Because he was saying,

I was like, why would the, he was talking about having a few hanky doodles, wanky doodles, wanky woos, when I was away.

Yeah. When I was away. Trying to do a nicer way of it. And then I was like, oh my God. Wanky woo. Have your little wanky woo. Did you have a wanky woo?

Wanky woo. Wanky woo. Have your little wanky woo. Did you have a wanky woo? A little wanky wanky. And I was like, is that where the sheets were changed? And he's like, I got spaff in our bed sheets. I'm like, well, I don't know. You're the kind of person to do that. Spaffing. Spuffing.

Spuffing. Oh, gross. Jo, can you confirm, is that a term? Yeah, yeah. Is it spaffing spuffing oh gross Joe is this can you confirm is that a term yeah yeah is it spaffing maybe it's spaffing where you're from and it's spuffing in posh people

where's Spencer from Eton I don't know where's he from Buckingham Palace yeah he lives around there Windsor it was so funny

so funny listening I haven't heard Theodore talk in ages I haven't been around he is so posh I know he's so posh what are we going to do I don't been around. He is so posh. I know. He's so posh. What are we going to do?

I don't know. It's quite stressful. Very stressful for me as well. No one likes Spanish people. Every time he speaks, even if it's something like come and look at the pool, come and look at the pool. I just start going, what does the master need? What does the master need? And like mopping the floors and all. He does say pool

in an Irish accent. He's got some Irish words. But I mean, he's going to make me terribly unrelated. Unrelated, but I don't know. I can't believe I haven't had even, I haven't had one single marriage yet. Like not one, like you're fucking married, Jo. Come on. Jo managed to pull it off.

Jo got someone. How has he like been taken off the shelf? Come on, you should Come on. Jo managed to pull it off. Jo got someone. How has he, like, been taken off the show? Come on, you should be ashamed. I'm embarrassed. So I was hosting an event for E4, for Married at First Sight,

which I absolutely, you're watching it. You have to watch it. I actually really like that show. Yeah, the first episode is so funny. But, so we were waiting for ages, obviously, they get you there watching it. You have to watch it. I actually really like that show. Yeah, the first episode is so funny. But, so we were waiting

for ages, obviously they get you there really early, you do it a little bit and then you're waiting around for ages. So I said, Louise, let's go.

My manager, Louise, I was like, let's go and get ourselves a few cans because I hate events like that when it's just wine and beer. I don't like either of those things. So I was like,

we'll go around the corner. We got ourselves a bag of cans, a bag of White Claw. Yeah, delicious. And as we're leaving, there's a pap there. And there I am, like we'll go in the corner we got ourselves a bag of cans bag of white claw yeah delicious and as we're leaving there's a pap there and there i am walking out with a sainsbury's bag full of cans and two bags now this is the reliability you need this is great and two bags of popcorn in my hand while i threw the cans at louisa i'm not being photographed with a bag

of cans like no way I love the way the managers always take the fall well she was drinking half the cans yeah fair enough no fair enough

she should no this thing right so Louisa speaking of managers she rang me yesterday and she's like did you did you slag off

this brand and I was like no of course not like I love working with them oh yeah so we're not naming the brand we're not naming the brand

can't name the brand let's call it spaffing I love working with spaffing I've been a huge fan of spaffing I've been wearing spaffing I've been wearing spaffing for years I'll tell you something I have been and spaffing I was waiting for spaffing to get back to me because they wanted to to do some more work with me turns out out, Spaffing no longer want to work with me. I'm now blacklisted. Oh. Because they said

the host of a podcast I guest on. I love when they get it wrong. Remember I was a guest on your podcast for six weeks running. Yeah. Just the same guest

every week. Both William's podcast and her guest. They said... Joanna McNulty or something. I was like, it. Both Williams podcast and her guest. They said... Joanna McNulty or something. I was like, it's my fucking podcast too. Is she aware that the host was slagging off the brand?

And I said, well, she wasn't really slagging off the brand. She was kind of slagging off me and my child. Like not so much the brand. And they got really offended. They don't want to work with me anymore. What? What was the... I know. So I'll be sending you a bill.

Okay? You dirty little cow. Hold on. What did I say? Ah, you were slagging off the stuff. Was I? It was very funny though. Because I obviously listened to this and I didn't get it cut out.

And then I'm thinking, excuse me. Now I'm mortally offended. The host on someone else's podcast. I'm thinking, excuse me, now I'm mortally offended that the host of someone else's podcast. I'm not Robin. But like you didn't slag them off. No, I know. Was it one of these? Like, was it?

I'm sorry. Now I reserve the right to slag off. Anyway, I thought all I thought to myself was, well, Jesus, I hope they don't listen to any of the rest of the pod because you're like slagging off my kids. It only goes downhill from there. Well, now that I know what the brand is, honestly, I would say the less spaffing on you, the better. That's what I would say.

It's not great. She doesn't want to spaff at you anymore anyway. Yeah. Your days of spaff, your days of wearing spaff are gone. Maybe I'm spaffed off. Yeah,

like I mean, and I wonder why I don't really get a lot of brand work. Joanne, you have this amazing ability. When you, I saw somebody say,

I think someone mailed me and they're like, will you please ask her to clean her phone? I know. She takes videos and they were like will you please ask her to clean her phone I know she takes videos and it's like this grimy

grimy grease over the front of it I clean it all the time you make the nicest things look awful like that day with the hot air balloon you made that look like

a piece of crap and it was so nice and gorgeous flowing through the sky and you just you're so bad some things just don't they just don't come across

like I was just in Chinatown there and like you know Chinatown it's like all gorgeous all the lanterns and everything you ruined it did you there's no point I was like I took a photo

it just looks like shit I can't take photos turns out it is actually a skill it is a skill and you're not good at it you're no Brooklyn Beckham I'm waiting for the new iPhone thing

I'm going to get it so I can get it why what number are you on I actually have no idea what iPhone thing I'm going to get to come out so I can get it why what number are you on I actually have no idea what this is I find oh god sorry I just punched myself

in the face oh this is what if I do iPhones do collabs no does Erlingus Erlingus they do do collabs

yeah we'll send them Joe tag Erlingus in the next video yeah tag Erlingus I just even love to get into the lounge to be honest I know

I want to go into the lounge the lounge is nice they've always you know they've always had shortbread biscuits in there I like them they've proper

I snuck into the lounge once and there's like they've optics of gin like you can just go it's self-port yeah I know you just put your head under it

yeah just nuzzled it slowly. Did Joe move my water? He did. Did you come over? When did he do that? Who? He came over and moved my water because he thinks I'm going to knock it on the desk.

Good to see you there. Do you know what I do though? Like I wouldn't care if I knocked it on the desk because when things are an accident, I don't care. I remember I broke that door right there. It's like what's happened since I've grown up.

I'm like, if that's an accident, I don't care. It wasn't my fault. Yeah, that's true. But I never know when people get annoyed when other people have accidents that involve them.

I'm like, it was an accident. Yeah, it's not my fault. I stood in a lad's dog the other day. Was it any of this? No. Stood in this dog. Now, we know I love dogs,

so I'd never do it on purpose. The dog was up, the dog was the size of a ferret and it was inside a hotel lobby. And I went, I heard this little squeal. I was power walking through. I heard this sort of

and I looked down and I said, Jesus, did I just stand on your dog? And he goes, yeah, you did. And I, I am real quick to anger. Like, I have a temper.

Yeah. That I don't think would be a surprise but I do and I kind of went square I was like excuse me and I was like am I do you know in your mind

like am I going to have a physical altercation to tell you about the German lad in the sunbed in Mallorca you were doing a sunbed no the sun lounger

oh no no no I had a proper square off with a German man I was on the phone to my friend Audrey at the time when he came over and just started screaming at me in German saying that I'd stolen. Eins, zwei, drei! Yeah.

I was like, there was no tail. Yeah, so he's like, these three beds are mine. You know how the Germans feel about sunbeds. And I was like, Vogue, Audrey was on the phone. She goes, do you want to calm down and stop calling him a c***? Oh my God! So I was up in his face going, fuck you.

Yeah. It went, and his wife was trying to break us up. I'm surprised I haven't gotten a dig off someone either. Did I tell you about the dump truck man I went for? Did I ever tell you that? Well, he flew right in the corner. The dump truck man is this guy who shot inside your door. That was another man.

Did you get hit? What happened to him? Your man, I don't know what happened. I'm sure they would never tell me what happened. I think they're short in drivers, so them shitting on a doorstep isn't necessary. Yeah, they're probably going to turn a blind eye. Yeah, I don't know what happened. They would never tell me what happened. I think they're shortened drivers so them shitting on a doorstep isn't necessarily... Yeah, they're probably

going to turn a blind eye. Yeah, they'll turn a blind eye. But there was a man... You get three shits on a doorstep, guy. This is your first warning. Two more shits on a doorstep.

You're out, mate. He was such a stealthy shitter. Anyway. Oh, Christ. No, this man in a dump truck flew around the corner and I honestly thought

that he was going to as soon as he was ahead of me he was going to hit the buggy and I ran around the corner and Amber came and I took a picture of me mid scream and it's so funny

because I'm standing there with my finger right out and I was like that is not funny yeah I was like your mum vibes kick in yeah

yeah but I'm going to get a dig one day I'll get a dig one day I turn into Conor McGregor after three gins. It's not great. Well, they probably deserve it. That German lad, like you did. But I was just like,

so I had a go at your man about the dog and then I had a, but he was being, sorry, sorry, back to your point. It was a fucking accident. You can't be annoyed at me. I made an accident. Your dog's fine.

Yeah, your dog, anyway. Two broken legs, come on. Is it dead? No. You can't be annoyed at me. I made an accident. Your dog's fine. Yeah, get... Your dog... Anyway, pick it up. Two broken legs. Come on! Is it dead? No. Then stop giving me shit. Right?

Go up to that vet. What's that vet who puts pyrotechnic legs on animals? Doctor... What's his name? What's his name? Prosthetic. Yeah, what's his name?

Pyrotechnics. Prosthetic. That's how much Joanne loves animals. You're like, why does that dog have a flare for a leg that's exciting I won't deny

it is exciting the sparkler is a tail who the fuck did that happen part of prosthetic legs well I see loads of people with doggy prongs now and I used to be like

that's ridiculous but actually if you want to go to the park with your other dogs and one of them can't keep up at least they have somewhere to rest I know

sure Winnie poor Winnie's not Winnie's not on the way out what am I talking about but like he can't do a lot he has to start wandering he can't do a lot

the vision of the visual of Winnie walking into the shower you're just standing there okay Winnie no Winnie if into the shower you're just standing there okay Winnie no Winnie if he hears you mention the park

then you're dead then he'll follow you around everywhere he'll come to the toilet with you so maybe I'd mentioned the park and that's why he came

into the shower he's like when are we going when are we going when are we going maybe he was just getting pervy in his old age

well he has seen us in action quite a few times I see of course I'm not going to kick him out it's rude out well he has seen us in action quite a few times has he of course I'm not going to kick him out it's rude

I don't know would I is it weird to have a dog watch you have sex I need to think about that when he's seen it so much and he doesn't even look up

oh my god sure of course do you remember the story I told you it was one of the first podcasts we did about that my my mum's old dog

shagging my boyfriend at the time because she'd watched she was watching us have sex and so she started mimicking it like this and so then anytime

he came into the house or anytime I so anytime I touched anyone she'd go so I'd touch my mum and the dog would start oh gross I hate when dogs do that

monkey see monkey do doggy monkey doggy monkey see do we were talking actually the most doggy monkey see do monkey see do what is this what monkey see monkey do yeah so talking actually. Doggy monkey see do? Monkey see do. What is it?

What? Monkey see monkey do. Yeah, so doggy see doggy do. Yeah, go on. Okay. I wish if I'd known you were drinking, I would have had a white claw. Are you being paid by white claw?

No, but they did send me a cooler box of white claw. I don't know. I'll be honest with you. I would only have two of them. And that would be it. Yeah. Then I'd hit something else. I'd love to two of them. And that would be it. Yeah. Then I'd hit something else.

I'd love to love a hard seltzer. Because I don't like... I like something to taste like non-alcohol. Yeah, you see, I want the... I want the... I want the punch. I wouldn't ruin a champagne with mimosa. I'm looking for my liver to be like...

There we go. One good thing about you is you'll never get harvested for organs. No one wants your liver. I say people are listening to this going, she's a fool, I'm not going to hug.

Like, well I have taken to the drink. Yeah, two white clothes, I mean come on the fuck, I'd have that in my cereal. I know you're a good friend of mine and you usually want the best for me oh god what

what have I done what's happened do you want me to go again I quite like opening my can of water can't get her off the white cloth day and night yes actually that's a really good idea

we should because we're trying to like start kind of gathering content for the live show now and we're practicing next week we're doing a work in progress a work in progress put us on a stage

and see what we can if we can assemble some sort of format out of this absolute chaos exactly so if anyone got tickets for it

we're literally going and throwing shit at the wall just so you know but we would love some emails. Hello at mtgmpod.com of like your funny, just the emails

that you usually send us. Then we can use them on stage. That'd be amazing. Yeah, I think we should have. I think that's a really good idea. So we're basically practicing for EP. Well, Joanne obviously

does this all the time. So I'm going to probably die in my fucking horse. But we would love you to send in some emails that we can use to hello at mtgmpod.com

dot dot dot hello at mtgmpod.com because Joe made that email up at the start of this whole thing my therapist goes to New York the charade I think it's great

mtgmpod yeah yeah so if you can send really funny emails in like you always do we would love them you'd be doing solid so

in other news Prada Peter's in town I've seen that and so I'd like to get some opinions on this so we're having sex

okay I'm glad for you thank you and I was like he's very quiet I turn around I turn around I release myself

From my straps I lower myself Back onto the ground Remove my gimp mask Take out my gag ball Take out my gag ball And my butt plug And I was like

Alan Are you asleep? He was asleep He fell asleep No I was riding Alan are you asleep he was asleep he fell asleep while I was riding him do you mind I was giving you know me

I give it all I give it my all I give it my all okay I was whistling I was giving it everything I had and I said

Alan are you asleep and he's like no and I was like you're fucking asleep and he goes I'm not

I just have to drop my dad to the airport I'll be back in 30 minutes it's a door to door round trip I said he goes you wait you wait for me at arrivals

I was like you're fucking sleep talking and I was like Alan this isn't the first time this has happened he did the same to me in Portugal

again this man's gone very quiet I turn around fully unconscious I said again at the time I said Alan are you asleep he said no but let the plumber in has happened. He did the same to me in Portugal. Again, his mind's gone very quiet. I turn around, fully unconscious. I said, again, at the time, I said, Alan,

are you asleep? He said, no, but let the plumber in to fix the toilet. I, I, I don't, I just don't, it's not normal.

And also, I was like, are you even, he's even consenting now? I know it's illegal to have sex, to start having sex with someone

when they're asleep, but what if they fall asleep while you're having sex with them? Like, what the fuck? I have sex to start having sex with someone when they're asleep but what if they fall asleep while you're having sex with them? Like what the fuck? I'm going to start running classes for insomniacs. You can't sleep

come over and ride me you'll be asleep What's it called? He's got narcolepsy. He's got narcolepsy. He's got some sexual narcolepsy. Maybe it was so good that it sent him to sleep.

Yeah, you know the girls he's just intimidated by you. Yeah. He's intimidated. Oh my God. Joanne, you're going to have to, I think you're going to have to upskill, if I'm honest.

Imagine on a night out, I'm like, I'll have a glass of wine. He'll have a Red Bull, two espressos. I'll have to fucking try and keep him awake. What are you going to do about that? Joanne, you are,

you probably want too much sex. Let's be honest. I'm sorry. You're mad for the sex. You want me to get you in the morning, is it? But what hour suits you best, Alan? I quite like, now I don't like a morning face on, because I have a real thing about morning breath. I find it offensive when Spencer goes to kiss me in the morning.

I'm like, how has he not understood yet? I don't want it. Yeah, I know. But a bit of morning delight, not so bad. Wow, I'm going to have to figure something out, because the man. Do you know what? I literally I guess I rocked him

like a baby you were a snoo you rocked him you snooed him to sleep I rocked him to sleep I kind of just thought having sex with me I kind of wanted it

to be more exciting what about sex in the shower I had sex in the shower recently very tidy tidy you know I like being clean folks having sex

while cleaning the soles of her feet and conditioning her hair perfect very time efficient will you massage in my oliplex there if you don't think

I wasn't doing a bit of glass cleaner on the shower door while I was in there you were sorely mistaken you're there with the glass what's that kind of like

weird brush thing that you have at Kershaw's that kind of like weird brush thing that you have at Kershaw I have one of them she's squeegeeing the glass shower tell you what you can upgrade

to an electric one Kershaw do a great electric one that's what I was doing I was like hang on a second yeah yeah yeah like mmm coming mmm

I can't I still can't stop laughing when you were saying you dressed up like a maid I just had to see a bunch of you in like you were there it was when we were in Ib I just had to see a bunch of you in like, you weren't there

when we were in Ibiza. Hold on, did we not talk about this in the other one? Did we not? No. When did I dress up as a maid, Joanne?

I told you, I haven't worn that yet. too much information. We were talking about role playing and Vogue was like, I have a maid's costume. I said, you don't,

that's your maid's uniform that is in the house. Stop trying to make yourself sound sexier and people couldn't stop laughing Vogue was like yeah it's got like

window cleaner attached to the belt it's one of those blue pennies yeah it's blue pinafore down to your ankle

I've got a maid's costume I only have my good clothes you don't have a maid's costume you've got staff folks that's what you have sometimes you steal their clothes it was very interesting though very interesting trip

I think we learnt a lot about each other we did we actually holiday very well together thank god yeah thank god I'd say we'll have to

you like to go around and do your own little bits. I'm a bit of a lone ranger, yeah. Yeah. A lone wolf, as they say. She waltzed around. She came around the corner one day because we all

sat like outside the kitchen on this table. She waltzed around the corner and she goes, here, pointing at the door. That thing, he's crying. He's crying. Just pointing at the door.

I'm just lying. What happens? What happens? What happens now, guys? Because the child's crying and no one seems. Just pointing at the door. What happens? What happens? What happens now, guys? Because the child's crying and no one seems to be doing anything about it. By the end of the trip,

I went in and she was like, kind of like, he was lying on the bed and I knew he was crying but I had to do something. And she's just kind of like touching him with her 540 euro nails.

Fucking nails. I can't get over the nails. And now the Celine sunglasses. I mean, I know, I'm so sad. At least I'm relatable. I'd never spend that on nails. I can't get over the nails. And now the Celine sunglasses. I mean... I know, I'm so sad. At least I'm relatable. I'd never spend that on nails. Do you know what actually,

something interesting happened to me this week. Have you heard about attachment styles in relationships? Yeah, I have. I don't know what mine is though. You can do a quiz online. Very interesting. What's the quiz? I want to do the quiz.

They're kind of everywhere. So there's four attachment styles. What's so quiz? I want to do the quiz. They're kind of everywhere. So there's four attachment styles. What's so interesting is that people are that basic that there's only four ways of attaching. What are they? I bet you I can guess mine. So.

Brilliant. There's secure. I actually think I know what you are because I read them all and I said that's Vogue. Okay, go. A secure attachment style is low in both anxiety and avoidance.

Secure attachment tends to lead to stable, fulfilling relationships. Next one. attachment style is low in both anxiety and avoidance secure attachment tends to lead to stable fulfilling relationships next one I have to hear them all before I choose actually you're right

if it said secure attachment tends to lead to multiple marriages that would have made more sense greedy little bitch anxious preoccupied attachment style

is high in anxiety and low in avoidance what do you mean avoidance avoidance of what so conflict oh I love a scrap I always win anxious preoccupied attachments

can create relationships that thrive on drama or are generally lower in trouble so it's people who are kind of insecure I wouldn't be insecure but I wouldn't

I'd be sometimes quite very secure no sometimes especially when I'm pregnant I would be be insecure but I wouldn't, I'd be sometimes quite. I think you're very secure. No, sometimes, especially when I'm pregnant I would be very insecure. That's obviously your hormones. Yeah. Dismissive avoidant attachment style, now I've gone out with one of these,

is low in anxiety, high in avoidance. This attachment style may lead to more distant relationships, sometimes stemming from a fear of commitment. Oh, no, we don't like them. Now, I did the test and I am fearful avoidant. And when I read the description to say,

so on point. Go. This is only a small description now. Obviously, there's more detailed ones. Fearful avoidant attachment style is high in both anxiety and avoidance. People who display

this attachment style are often drawn to close relationships yet they're simultaneously fearful of them. Yes, that is you. I know. And when I,

oh, you should do the test. It's really interesting. Because then you realise, you know what you're doing, you know why you're doing the things you do, and then you understand yourself better and you fuck up less. I don't like,

I don't like a scrap though. I don't like it. Avoidance is more like, it doesn't necessarily have to be about a fight, but it might just be, you're not around that much or you don't, I don't know.

It's very, I would recommend five stars. Let's, Jo, we'll do that test and we'll find out what we are. Well, Joanne, I think you don't like conflict with anything, even if we ever, ever, which is rare, have a disagreement. I'm like, right, we need to talk about this. And she's like.

No, I would. I'm better at talking, I am better. And I am getting better at talking about stuff. You're just much better at it. But I am learning from you. Like there are, sometimes there is stuff that we need to discuss and figure out

we're business partners now we own a business fuck it what's a business anyway my accountant actually he sorted that out you and me

Tangrange man shut up what business no but I am getting much better I am getting better I think you have to be like that I think communication is key

and that's what Svenny and I were told about ourselves that we're not good communicators. Communication is key. Communication. I just have to say that sometimes there's

a lot of communication. Like last night, right? Over. Are we still, is communication key code for something? What are we actually talking about? Communication. Oh, okay.

Amber last night ringing me and I'm like, when I, you know, Joanne was like, what's wrong with you? Why do you sound like that? Yeah, you sounded really depressed last night. Oh my God. It's just because Otto had me up non-stop. I was like, the essay was like, what's wrong with you? Why do you sound like that? Yeah, you sounded really depressed. Oh my God.

It's just because Otto had me up nonstop. I was like, I was, yesterday was like the end of my tether. It was like two weeks of no sleep. And then I was like, will you do this? Will you send me the pictures for Ibiza? And I was like, I started crying. I was like, what did she not get? Stop making me communicate.

So sometimes you don't want to communicate. Oh, big time. And sometimes I don't want to send oh big time and sometimes I don't want to send the pictures I know I know why don't you come home and send them to yourself yeah

do you remember when you were younger you used to swap phones and read each other's messages no did you not no god you've missed out neither of you

has anyone else done that am I the only one bet you some of the listeners have I used to love that went to my favourite pub in London yesterday Asparagus? in 1996 no I went to the broccoli and onion

my new it's a different one it's a franchise oh the brock I love that the old brocco you down the brocco are you? did you see Brooklyn Beckham?

He's a real good way about making people dislike him. I don't know. He's after making a tit of himself, didn't he? Didn't he say? Absolutely. He said about the Lamborghini.

No, he's after getting a million pound McLaren car. Sorry, that's it. And it's like, what do you do? I'm a chef, babe. How did you make the money? I'm a chef. I think he boiled noodles

for 10 minutes on 31st. He did. He made a, he made a poke bowl. That's not. He said poke bowl. Like it's the most embarrassing thing.

He made a poke bowl. That's up there in Dirty Dancing. I carried a watermelon. It's a bit of rice. A mango. Some salmon cut up. He put stuff in a bowl.

He made me, it's real ick. What happened to your boyfriend? I broke up with him. He made me a poke bowl. Say no more. But he did

and like all the chefs around the world are doing all these TikToks now slagging him off being like, oh, I ride unicorns. It's just like,

how can he not know? And like, we know your parents bought you that car. Someone today said to me as well, they were like, yeah, but like, I'd be really stressed

that I'd like crash the car. And I was like, yeah, but if you spent a million quid in the car, it doesn't matter if you crash it because you can just afford to buy another one, obviously. I would just assume

if I had one of those real swanky cars that people just get keyed all the time or broken into. It would over here in America they don't do that. Do they not?

No, they're kind of like they're like, go buddy! We love your Ferrari over here. Yeah, we love your success! Someone over here comes over in a Ferrari and it's like,

go away. Yeah. It's funny. They're even worse. Aaron's like, look at you there with your Fiat Punto thinking you're sadly.

Yeah, who do you think you are? Scratch up the side of your Peugeot 106 you smoke bastards get out of there my favourite car ever was my Peugeot 206 in a mint green

oh nice it was a little beauty I miss it did you see that two year old kid I mean we know Gigi's sassy a two year old kid

got bitten by a snake in America she bit the snake back and killed it what? she bit it back and killed it imagine

imagine your kid is that like that cool I suppose if a snake bites you like I wouldn't be happy about it myself I guess it was

it was it was an act of defence but they do say if you're killing animals you're a serial killer but I suppose it's the animal that attacks you first

no that's a that's a life or death that's your Bear Grylls stuff I know but if you're killing animals but like do daddy long legs count because do you remember

you'd pick them up and pull their legs off I don't think folk sometimes I really wonder that's what I said Jo I told you folk was first in line

for a beheading she'd be down in the town square pushing through the crowd to see violence that is not true I don't even watch violence in movies she loves a bit of pain

only if it's on my face making me look younger even as a brown woman I often find her with a magnifying glass over a wasp I don't like wasps letting it burn to death

on her veranda shut up you you're going you're going beating people up over a sunbed. I know. I was quite shocked at that. But also thrilled

by the adrenaline. Until you get a whack in the face. I'm flying. Well, that is it for this week. Is it? Yeah.

This is what Bogey says. Bogey. Side to side when it's over. Bogey, Bogey. That's my only nickname anyone ever gives me Voguey I love

remember when she went through that phase of just ending the podcast whenever it suited her guys that's it for this week where should we go Joe's like Vogue we've only done 20 minutes

because I just looked at my clock there finished it's evening time bedtime for Voguey bedtime for me if you're having trouble sleeping I'll go down on you I think Joanne would definitely drop the hand on me Finished. It's evening time. Bedtime for Vogue-y. Bedtime for me. If you're having trouble sleeping,

I'll go down on you. I think Joanne would definitely drop the hand on me. Like, as I say to Vogue, let's just put off publicly writing each other or releasing our own sex tape

until the listeners drop, whatever. Do you know what I mean? We're trying to sell a tour I won't sell. Then we leak a tape of us having sex. Yeah, okay. You're doing the bits, though. leak a tape of us having sex. Yeah, okay.

You're doing the bits though. Yeah, you can just lie there. Yeah, okay, thanks. You do it. Do you want to do those bits? Do the bits. Do you want down there doing the bits, guys?

Live streaming. Yeah. well that's it for this week thank you so much for listening and please keep sending your emails into hello at mtgmpod.com this week more than ever please because we are trying to

gather content for the live show so we'd love loads of fun emails that we can have fun with yeah Joanne by the way we need to do a new photo shoot.

Look how scared I was. I actually feel like a catfish sitting in front of that photo now because I look like shit today. Of course, I beat that because I was generally... Obviously, I kind of went bananas on the last night, but I genuinely was... We were doing such long days. I really was very well behaved.

Then I came back and of course, Alan arrives, whatever, and I'm having a fucking ball. Having a ball. It's the summer. Three mimosas. Why wouldn't you start? What day is it?

Thursday. Why wouldn't you start the day with three mimosas? Joe, it's over when I say it's over. This is like getting the music to offer the Oscars. The speech is too long. They start playing the music. I'm like, Joe, Vogue, hello. the music I'm like Jovo hello hello

is this thing on? is this thing on? em yeah I need to go I have to go home I'm going to sleep