My Therapist Ghosted Me - An Explosive Personality In The Kitchen

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

Vogue & Joanne are back with another set of confessions that they'll soon wish they'd never made. Find out why each of them were stopped at the airport and what on earth goes on in their kitchens! All that plus PDAs, Billie Eilish and Khloé Kardashian too! Subscribe, enjoy and leave a review!If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of digging up problematic memories and saying them out loud for the whole world to hear. Remember last week when we were talking about, it was a memory of ours, of when we were the most hungover we've ever been? Remember? And on last week's pod, you were a nervous wreck because you'd been drinking. I was in the horrors, yeah. And then we decided, we decided collectively that we weren't going to drink for a month. I haven't drank yet, by the way, smug. What happened to you? Yeah, but Vogue, you are blessed with a magic power.

You are a freak of nature. You don't like the taste of alcohol. Okay, are you telling me? You absolute freak. I adore it. Like, I would hydrate 24-7 on the shit.

I think, okay, right, a cool pop. If you could have a cool pop that got you drunk or a glass of wine, which would you choose? Glass of wine. What?

Over a cool pop? Yes, I don't have the palate of a nine-year-old. A red Cool Pop. You'd want to get pissed on Cool Pops. Theodore saw Cool Pops in the shop the other day, and I was like, I was actually about to buy 10, because you never have a Cool Pop. Pop it in the freezer. Such a treat.

And I had to tell him they were spicy, because I just can't have him having a Cool Pop. He's too young. Sorry, what on earth is a Cool Pop? Mr. Freeze. Oh, those things you used to slice. I used to pop. He's too young. Sorry, what on earth is a cool pop? Mr. Freeze. Oh, those things I used to slice my mouth open on them. Oh, delicious.

Yeah. You see, you do have a very juvenile palate, which stands to you. I have what I call an apocalyptic palate in that I just eat out of cans all the time.

Like if I went into a bunker, like if there is, when the nuclear war comes, which it will, I've been doing a lot of research on the internet. Joanne McGrath. I'm basically Alex Jones now. There is, when the nuclear war comes, which it will, I've been doing a lot of research on the internet. Do you want a big round? I'm basically Alex Jones now.

When the third World War III comes and it will be nuclear, when we go into the bunker, I will be eating sausages out of a tin and I'll think it's a five-star Michelin restaurant. I will be absolutely delighted. I have a bunker palate. You have a child's palate.

Like you eat mashed potato and cool pops. I don't really like potato. I don't like mashed potato as an Irish person. But you eat those wet sandwiches. It's like you choose the wettest one from a service station. Those chicken salad sandwiches that you love. My favorite restaurant in London is Pret-a-Manger. Like I'm a monster.

I would book a table for two in Pret-a-Manger if I could. I'd be like, table for two. Oh no, their porridge is out of this world. Their porridge. Oh my. Seven sweeteners in that porridge

and it is unreal. You know that that sweetener shit causes, gives you cancer. Oh God. Sorry. All the other crap I do

and you're telling me I have to worry about sweetener. Yeah. I'm telling you now, folks. Okay, okay. You're killing yourself,

folk. She says, having drank half a bottle of red wine at 4am because she couldn't go to sleep. At 4am? How could you think that was the best thing to do? Was that just beside your bed? I'd say if you cut me open,

like, it's like, I'm just full of lime wedges, gin, tinned sausages and Merlot. What's the weirdest shit you eat? You don't eat those tinned sausages. You couldn't. I don't because I'm shamed out of it but I would.

Oh no. It's survival. I'm a cave woman with an iPhone. This is what I think. I will out-survive you. I will outlive you because I have no taste

and no standards. No, you won't. Your insides are battered. I'd say you'd slide you open and you'd stink. Yeah. Honest to God I'd say I'm pickled.

I'd say if I tried to donate my organs now they'd be like you're grand. Thanks. None from you. Thank you. I'd say my liver looks

like a punched lung, like an ashtray. What happened? I don't smoke anymore. I think I'm a saint. Did you have any smokes yesterday? No, not a single smoke. Honest to God.

So I used to smoke, obviously, because we thought it was chic and cool and Parisian. Yeah. And then we all, I just kind of grew out of it it was so strange

it's so disgusting it's disgusting I used to wake up and have a smoke at 7 in the morning with my breakfast when I was like 18 disgusting

I never smoked in the mornings oh my god actually my sister always makes me bring her smokes home and I'm going to stop doing that because I don't want to be the facilitator

but you know the way you walk through customs never in my whole life on earth have I ever, ever been stopped where they check your bag and shit like that. So we're coming back from some parts and I had bought Amour cigarettes, but like on the pack,

I thought it was 200 cigarettes. So I was like, grand. Spenny and I can bring, you can bring in 150 each. I was like, she's only getting to 200. That's all I'm doing. In this box, it was fucking 600

and didn't I get stopped? The one time, I went through my to 200. That's all I'm doing. In this box, it was fucking 600. And didn't I get stopped? The one time, I went through my bag. But what's the problem? You're not allowed to bring back 600 bags? You're only allowed to bring 150 per person. So I had 600 and it was only me and Sven. And Theodore obviously hadn't started smoking yet. So I couldn't blame him.

But I couldn't believe it the first time. The first time I'd actually done something wrong but I didn't know it. I wonder do they know though? Like as in, do you know what I mean? Like did they x-ray you or anything?

Or were they like hanging out the back of your bag or something? I think it's the amount of luggage you have. So we had a lot of luggage and we looked dodgy. We looked like we'd been

dragging stuff home with us. Well, I'd say, was it like 28 Louis Vuitton suits? You looked like a gangster. Do you know what? I once borrowed my mom's. She had a carry-on one and I was like,

I'm going to borrow that that's chic checked it in stole all my jewellery they obviously see it what yeah all my jewellery my granny's bracelet

that she gave me gone bastards I know so I won't be using a Louis again mum you can shove your Louis up your bum that makes sense though

because it's like the post they're like don't put money in the post I was in what one of the English airports I don't know whatever

there's like 20 of them knowing Joanna was south end I can't keep up we're looting I don't know, whatever. There's like 20 of them. No one do you on at the south end. I can't keep up. We're looting. I can get home for a euro? I think so. Who cares?

It takes me three days to get there and an overnight train to fucking Walthamstow or wherever the hell I can get out from. I can't remember. I flew home for a shilling. So I was like, grand, I'll go out there. But I was going through the airport and I can't remember.

I beeped or something happened anyway. I went through. Anyway, I'll go right there. But I was going through the airport and I can't remember, I beeped or something happened anyway. I went through, anyway, I tested positive for explosives for the second time, right? So they were like scanning me and all

and like, I was like, is this an Irish thing? They're like, no, you're, you're, you tested positive. They were like,

have you ever, are you in the army? And I was like, no. They're like, you're really testing positive here for explosives. I was like,

well, I don't know what to tell you. So they said, I have no explosives on me except here for explosives and I was like well I don't know what to tell you so they go I said I've no explosives on me except maybe my personality I was like

oh my god speaking of your personality Joanne do you know when you hear the end of the story where it's accused

of being a terrorist oh I thought it was over no okay I thought it was a good punchline explosive personality

no it wasn't I had to sign a form to say that I basically wasn't a terrorist and then they just let me in and I went off into Pret-a-Manger for the day until my flight took off.

Yeah. Yeah, your explosive personality reminded me of something. So back to Jonathan Ross. Okay. So I met this guy in St. Barts and he is so funny.

Tattooed from head to toe. Manchester. Just hilarious. Anyway, two kids. That's gross. We can get rid of them. His mother saw you on Jonathan Ross and you had said that you wanted a real dodgy looking fellow

with loads of tattoos. A bit... A hooligan. A hooligan, yeah. And his own mother mailed him and said, or texted him and said, you need to meet... Those are those people that you were hanging out with in St. Bart's.

You need to meet this girl. She seems right up your street. So I'm setting Joanne up with... Yeah. Oh, a lovely Irish name. He's not Irish. He is great. He is great crack.

That's perfect. You know what? That's perfect because I love a rich hooligan even better. Like so... Yeah. Yeah. He's rich. Brilliant. Bring it on. Yeah. Joanne, that's perfect because I love a rich hooligan even better. Like so, yeah, yeah, so he's in St. Bart. Brilliant,

bring it on. Yeah. Joanne, that's it. Is he up for it or what? He's up for it. He's going to be, his only thing he wanted

was somebody kind. That's really, you know, that's not really my thing. I know, I know. But I told him you were kind. Okay,

fine. Well, we all lie. You're not unkind when you're unkind. No, but I don't, I'd say my moral compass is slightly skewed.

Yeah, everyone says, that's boring if it's not. Totally hooked me up with your man, right? I was doing... Celebability. Celebability. I meant to ask you about that, actually. So I met Chloe Farrell.

Let's get middle. Let's get middle. Let's get middle. Accents aren't jumping. Sorry, I've been trained. No, I can't even do my own accent like whenever

I tried to do when I first moved to the UK this English guy was trying to ask me about Brexit he's like Brexit

do you reckon the IRA are going to kick off again again is it in Australia this is it and I used to

do it in stand up but the joke ended up becoming that I cannot do the accent say again Joe

again again yeah accents are not my forte me neither but I met The joke ended up becoming that I cannot do the accent. Say again, Joe. Again. Again. Again. Yeah, accents are not my forte. Me neither. But I met Chloe Ferry and everyone was completely sound. And it was actually one of the most fun I've ever had working on a show. Who else was on it?

A man called Jordan. He's in radio and apparently he was on Jungle Celebrity. Jordan North. Who else? Who else? Ian Sterling, this presenter. He's like, welcome Joanna. And I was like, youity. Jordan North. Who else? Who else? Ian Sterling, this presenter, he's like,

welcome Joanna. And I was like, you're fucking joking me. My name is written in lights above my head. Joanna. And he still called me Joanna and I was like, cut, cut.

I'll stop you there. I was like, it's Joanna, Ian. And he was like, oh yeah, yeah, sorry. Who else? Who else? I knew you'd want to be

mates with Chloe. I loved it. It was just such a fun show and the producers were so sound and they kept trying to give us Prosecco and all. And you couldn't go out and get more. Oh, yeah. So she was like,

we're going to get more. And I was like, I cannot say no to getting more with Chloe Ferry. Do you know she's engaged to your man, Wayne Lineker? Well, so we had this conversation because I was telling her I slipped into his DMs and all that jazz. If you're going to be friends,

you have to tell her you tried to score him. Yeah, I did. So that was a good thing that I had the Perspex glass between us because I thought she was going to go with me.

We have got... Listen, I'm going to try and get pregnant after the summer, right? There, I'm putting it out there. So we have to go to Ibiza. Fuck's sake. I know.

I'm not ready for you to get pregnant again. No, but I'll do it for the winter. I'm going to enjoy the summer. We'll do it for the winter. Grand. Anyway, we'll have to go see again. No, but I'll do it for the winter. I'm going to enjoy the summer. We'll do it for the winter. Grand. Anyway, we'll have to go see Wayne before summer's out. I mean it.

We're going to Ocean Beach. We're going to see Wayne! And I promised Jamie Lange I'd take him too. Why do you say his name like that? I'm obsessed with Wayne Lineker. I love him. So where are we going to go? Yeah, I want to go to AB.

Even if it's for like three nights, that's probably all I can take. I'm not going anywhere for three nights. Why? Because by the time you get there, you've just fucking turned around and gone back.

It's a three hour flight. You're one of those ones with your little wheelie suitcase drinking in the airport. Of course. Boomerang in my jeans. Is there anything else? Any other news from Celebability?

Oh yeah. So you're supposed to have like a talent. And poor Scarlett Moffat, she was the team captain on the other team and um i was like my celeb ability is shoplifting and everyone's like yay and scarlet's like we shouldn't be applauding that i was like oh she's like we can't we can't we can't be endorsing that

she actually listens to the podcast she's saying then after i was like here scarlet like i don't actually because she was like do you really shoplift? And I was like, well, only small things like mascaras and a Mini Cooper. And then she was like, are you serious? And then after I was like, Scarlett, I'm not actually like. I buy stuff. Yeah, I'm not actually a hooligan. I told you this.

I told you this weeks ago. You look like a robber. I know. You do. It's just because I've got edge. Even when she's in my house, I keep an eye on her. Got an edgy face. We've got one of those nest cameras

to watch out for drama. It's for the kids, John. It's for the kids. It's my ass sticking out of the safe. You're like, what are you doing in there? Sorry, I thought it was the fridge. Jesus, you could pack those bags.

You could literally, if I was on a Ryanair flight, they'd charge me for them. I'm absolutely raging. I'm falling apart at the seams. Are we on? Oh, yeah. Sorry. My topic, right, and I wanted to do this last week,

but we're just so filled with other Flamingo stories and things like that. By the way, Flaming we're just so filled with other Flamingo stories and things like that. By the way, Flamingo update. She's getting the Flamingo. She's signed all the papers. The Flamingo's on the way. I'm not buying the Flamingo, but I'm going to show you a picture of it when it's finished.

I think there was a woman sending me, she was saying that after last week's pod, she went down a taxidermy hell on Etsy, which is how I ended up. Remember? So you can buy these little like stuffed mice and tutus and stuff

for £80 I don't want a stuffed mouse no one does now rank I told you on Etsy I've I'm getting my cellmate sketched by a psychic on Etsy

I tried to get you on to get me one too but she said it doesn't work folks like oh yeah great get me one will you 16 quid buy me one of those

I was like you can't just buy your cellmate like they have to the psychic has to sit with you and read your vibes yeah

I can't because you're not just like guess what if it doesn't look like Spencer that's why I want to get it done yeah he's gone

he's gone in the bin no way he's out the door I'd say they draw like three types of men so I'd say there's women all over the place going around looking

for the same lad like that oh my god did you ever watch that show Soulmates and it's like this thing computer generated thing that you can find your soulmate

like your true soulmate I don't would you do that right because I'm so happy with Spen now would I go and like do the test of yeah I would

because I'm so nosy oh are you talking about the show on Netflix yeah yeah yeah oh my god I'd do it in a heartbeat yeah but if you were like me,

married and stuff, would you do it? I think I would. Yes. You don't know what you're missing out on. I don't want to miss out on something.

What I'm spending isn't the one. And you love getting married. I love getting married. I was only thinking the other day, I can't do it again. It's almost time

to do it again. I think I'm going to do it. I think so too. I think so too. It's time. I've told you this. Yes, three more years. Time's up.

It's time to get married again, folks. You love it. It's your hobby. You're like me in the booze. Mine's drinking. Yours is getting married. And you love coming to my weddings. I love going to your weddings.

Okay. Actually, you know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. That's it. Okay. Sorry. My topic, right?

PDAs. Kourtney Kardashian is with her new fella Travis Barker yeah their PDAs gross I did not fall to you no he's not

your type he's not my type I went out with somebody who was skinnier than me and it didn't it just didn't feel right

that was remember your man I had one of those sexual the last sexual encounter I had which I still have PTSD over

was very thin as well and yeah, it didn't, again like that, it didn't sit well. It was like getting shagged by this little twig. You're just like,

what are you doing up there? No, not skinny. It makes you feel bad about yourself. Yeah, you want a bit of throw down. I want,

yeah. Like I mean, because Spencer's like the same height as me, it's not ideal. No, it's not ideal. Not ideal

because it makes me just feel like big. He's hung like a horse though. He is hung like a horse. We'll give him that. I really hope my mom doesn't listen to this podcast, especially last week after you talking about pawing yourself. Oh, yeah.

I couldn't post that video and all I was thinking is, please don't let my, does my mom follow you? No. Are you sure? Check. Because she'll have seen that pawing yourself thing and what's she going to say to me? Oh, Vogue, I heard you were pawned.

Well, can you imagine how my poor mother feels six years of this? She's like... Let's see if she follows you. She's desperate for me to not... She hates the words that come out of my mouth.

If she doesn't follow you, that's a bit rude. No, she doesn't. Thank God. I'd say she doesn't want to. I wouldn't say... I'd say she should very much avoid it.

I'm terrified she's listening to this podcast. I actually think she doesn't want to. I wouldn't say, I'd say she should very much avoid it. I'm terrified she's listening to this podcast. I actually think it's ironic that you have a problem with public displays of affection considering when I go to your house, I'm trying to talk to you, Spencer's literally dry riding your leg

and I'm trying to have a conversation with you. Spencer does that. I don't want to. He didn't, like his parents were over and like, do you know what he said?

Do you know what he says to his mom the other day? Oh mom, Vogue won't stop pestering me for sex. And I'm like, stop. It's not even true. And like, do you know what he said? Do you know what he says to his mom the other day? Oh, mom, Vogue won't stop pestering me for sex. And I'm like, stop. It's not even true.

And he says it to his mom all the time. Oh, we've been trying for a new baby all the time. Like, just trying to wind us both up. He's so annoying.

And then he does it at the table. I don't like it. I think it's rude. And Kourtney Kardashian and him, it's weird. Where she was practically giving his finger a blowy.

Come on. I know. You've got three kids that are online seeing you doing that shit like no it grosses me out I don't want to

and then she was up like straddling him and he's like pulling her arse cheeks apart like first of all it looks very uncomfortable and second of all come on

I know no her arse is huge you might be just checking if there's anything in there she's a great arse we need to actually Joanne and I

have decided we're working towards a bigger summer arse we need to get that booked in yeah we need to get the arse. We need to actually, Joanne and I have decided we're working towards a bigger summer arse. We need to get that booked in. Yeah, we need to get the arse booked in. But what I was going to say was that I also hope

my mother's not listening to this because it reminded me when I was thinking about Spenny and dry riding you like a little dog on your leg. It reminded me one of my ex-boyfriends, we had a ride in my mum's kitchen.

Oh my God. When my dog was there, right? My mum wasn't there, Grant, right? Oh, come on. Wow, you've never had a ride in my mum's kitchen when my dog was there, right? My mum wasn't there, Grant, right? Oh, come on. Wow, you've never had a ride in the kitchen. It's called chemistry.

Not my mum's. It's called chemistry, Jo, okay? So anyway, we're having a little ride in the kitchen and I'm bent over because... Oh, Jesus. So I'm like this, right?

And he's behind me, riding me from behind, Grant. We know how that works, yeah. He stops and he's like, here, look behind Grant and we know how that works yeah he stops and he's like here look down so I look down

no my dog is riding his leg okay now not only that right she's like so she's holding on to his leg like this okay

and I and not only that right she only stops when I look down at her and get eye contact with her she sees me looking at her and then she just slips off his leg like this

so she knew what she was doing was wrong I was like get the fuck off my boyfriend right you can't trust

that bitch that happened right then because she's so because then anytime anyone touched each other in the house

she'd go up and start riding their leg we basically traumatised her so much so I'd come into the house and hug my mum and we'd look down and Roxy's there dry humping my mother she's like get away roxy stop it stop it god what's wrong with her get away get away and then she'd go into

the bed and pour herself yeah full brown traumatized the dog oh my god spencer reminds me of roxy poor he's very similar he's just always having a little ride he's always trying to get the business done and feed the kids and he's just like he comes over at the worst

bloody times as well I'm trying to put milk in her bottle like I'm literally doing that with that machine like doing the scoops and he's coming over

and he's like in my like he gets in everyone's he's a space invader he's an absolute space invader makes people feel

very uncomfortable yeah and with my nervous disposition, I'm on edge the whole time. I've been told I have a nervous disposition as well. I don't consider you someone with a nervous disposition. Oh, I'm very jumpy. Well, I mean, you're not as bad. Like, I ordered Deliveroo the other day, right?

So the man came to the door with my full consent, okay? The doorbell rang. I was... Ah! What? Now, bearing in mind you get a notification going, the driver is nearby.

I can hear the moped pulling up. Right? I'm like Pablo's dog. No, I'm not a Pablo's dog. What's the... Pavlov's... Pavlov's dog. Who the fuck is Pavlos?

Pavlova dog. Basically, this guy, he used to ring a bell and feed the dogs and then he realised that he would just ring the bell, they'd salivate because they were used to...

So I start salivating when I hear the moped come up because I know it's Deliveroo, right? So any time, 24-7 time, it doesn't matter where I am, I hear the moped, I'm like...

I think I'm going to get a fucking chicken stir fry. Right? So anyway, he pulls up, I hear the moped, he rings the bell I go out

I open the door and I go like that and I jumped back and fell back into the hallway now that's

a nervous disposition that's my Maria do you know it's the alcohol within your soul it's not I warned you

no we were meant to be having a break it's not because Maria my postnatal physiotherapist... You just steal all my people for your own and you're not having Rona

and you're not having Becky, right? Maria, my postnatal physiotherapist, says I have an overactive nervous system. So, there you go. She's really taken that on wrong with it, hasn't she? I have an overactive nervous system. It's a thing. Because when she tries to electrocute my vagina back...

Ah, that gives you a fright. Oh, you wouldn't be able for the tampons then. You would not be able for the vibrating tampon. I meant to tell you. So I didn't realise by telling that Fanny Shop, Fanny Buzz story on that show that I've now become the face of pelvic floor exercising. I didn't cop.

So I'm getting tagged in all these posts going so great to see women raising awareness about like pelvic floor. So I have no pelvic floor basically. My vagina is like, I have an infinity pussy basically, an infinity vagina. Oh, I hate that word. I know, I don't like pussy either. Cat flap. No!

There's so many awful words for it. Anyway, I'm being sent all these kegels I know but anyway I'm being sent all these kegels and everything now and I'm being I didn't realise I'm now like the face

of a shit of basically women who have a shit pelvic floor with no kids and then this guy messaged me and he goes for a single woman

you shouldn't be slagging your vagina or something like that you shouldn't be letting us know it's broken and I was like oh god I never even

thought of that yeah that's how hasn't seen any of the fanny stuff but it's not broken it's just you're not seen any of the fanny stuff. But it's not broken. It's just I didn't even know. You're not very complimentary about your fanny. Listen. You brought her up. You brought the cat flat. If she's broken,

I'll just put an optic in there. You know, when you can squirt vodka out of yourself. Oh, Jesus. No. I actually want Kourtney Kardashian as my spoofer of the week, by the way. She has to be the spoofer. I, to be honest, found the thumb sucking quite sexy. Oh, come on. Joanne. Joanne. I, to be honest, found the thumb sucking quite sexy. Oh, come on, Joanne.

Joanne. It made me jealous. It made me jealous. Imagine her kid. Imagine Mason sees the sucking of the finger. It's gross. Do it in,

sure, do it in private. Why are you putting up a blowy sucking finger thing online? There's no need for it. I'm not into it. She's the spoofer. Spoofer of the week.

They're at that stage in the relationship where you can't keep your hands off each other and I'm just, I just, I miss that,

like that chemistry where you're just It's waiting for you. It's waiting for you. I'll tell you this much now, right? If me and **** work out,

I'll be posting, there'll be a lot of thumb sucking photos. No, I'm not, I won't put up with it. I won't. No way. Sometimes I think we need to get Spencer.

What's it when you cut off? Neutered. Neutered. We need to get Spencer neutered. What I wanted to talk about this week was she's the talk of the town. I'm obsessed with her. I love her. Billie Eilish? Yeah, I do. I love her. Yeah was she's the talk of the town. I'm obsessed with her.

I love her. Billie Eilish? Yeah, I do. I love her. Yeah, she's amazing. I listened to her lyrics of that song that did really well and it's really good.

But I can't understand. Okay, so she's now 19 and the reason she's all over the place at the moment is because she's kind of evolved. So before her whole thing

was that she wore really baggy clothes and she didn't want anyone commenting on her body and now she's come out on the front of Vogue in this very kind of sexy pin really baggy clothes and she didn't want anyone commenting on her body and now she's come out on the front of Vogue in this very kind of sexy pin-up like

shoot and she looks incredible and there's all talk now kind of saying she's whatever sell date change your mind blah blah blah

to me it just seems like a natural evolution of becoming a woman you kind of realise you're exploring your sexuality and all this stuff right but like at 19

anyway I don't want to talk too much about her body per se, but I think with Billie, we need to protect Billie because she can wear whatever, she can wear what she wants. She can wear a fucking horse's head.

People are all like up in arms though because she's decided not to wear baggy clothes, but that's her decision. Yeah, she's exploring her sexuality. She's changing, whatever. But then I was thinking, I got kind of,

I did a kind of a cycle, like a deep dive myself on Billie Eilish thinking about it. I was like, she was changing, whatever. But then I was thinking, I got kind of, I did a kind of a cycle, like a deep dive myself on Billie Eilish, thinking about it. I was like, she was writing lyrics like that. When I was her age, I swear to God, I think I was still playing with Polly Pocket. Like I was a child. Yeah. I was wearing

Mew Mews. I was so scared of my own body. Do you remember O'Neill's tracksuit bottoms? Oh, loved them. Dragging along the ground. Yeah. And then a jumper around my waist just in case there was even a sneak peek of a butt cheek that anyone would know I had a body or anything. I was so mortified about my body. And like having that many people judge your body,

I was like, we need to protect Billie. People forget how young she is as well. That's the thing. If she said something when she was 17 about wanting to hide her body and now she goes on the cover of Vogue and doesn't want to hide her body, that's her own decision.

Stop talking about her body. Let her do what she wants to do. Oh my God, I remember when I was younger, you're talking about hiding your body. Do you remember when boys used to start topping you? When they used to like feel your boobs?

I'd be like, Jesus, they're going to try and do that and they're going to get up to my ears. I had no boobs whatsoever. Not even a sprinkling of a n ears. I had no boobs whatsoever. Not even a sprinkling of a nipple. I've seen your boobs.

They're huge. Are you mad? Your nipples are like... No, they're back to normal because I've stopped breastfeeding. I told you that. I'm raging. I don't have bigger nipples. I'd love to get them pierced.

I haven't seen your nipples. No. But I haven't been breastfeeding anything in front of you. Yeah, that's true. I'm just kind of mesmerized. I think my angle on it was I'm just kind of mesmerized by her

because when you think of the lyrics and like that, like I'm just kind of mesmerised I think my angle on it was I'm just kind of mesmerised by her because when you think of the lyrics and like that like I was literally at her age Sylvania families like literally sitting at my

Fisher Price cooker well no you know I had a doll until I was 11 and by 12 I was sneaking my first taste of cider yeah the world

comes at you fast doesn't it the world just hits you fast the dolly got thrown out but like Spenny was like practicing in nightclubs when he was 10

I still had a doll yeah I was pretty late to the game I remember I sold my little ponies I think my I think there was the family decision

was get these little horse dolls away from her I think if you're menstruating it's time to put down those ponies like do you know

what I mean step away from Polly Pockets you've got your period now grow the fuck up I love Polly Pockets I wonder if she's still going, actually.

I wanted to talk as well about, I know I seem Kardashian obsessed. I kind of am. But me and Joanne were talking about this yesterday. Khloe Kardashian. He's done it again. I know. Like, I mean.

I kind of know. Do you know what? Because he spent so long sniffing around after the last time that he cheated on her when she was pregnant and then with the mate. And now he's done it again. Is there any chance

he hasn't though? Is there any chance your one's a spoofer? No, I don't think she is a spoofer and Chloe was mailing her and now she's put the mails up and what was Chloe

thinking mailing her? That is bad. So a woman did that to me. A woman tried to do that to me online but she did do it to me online before. Anyway, look,

it's a really long complicated story but she screen grabbed our DMs. I think if you screen grab DMs and publicise them, you're Satan. You need to go to that

anti-crack island that I was talking about last week. Yeah. See you later. Get in the sea. No crack Alcatraz. I know. Imagine publishing them.

But like, I just don't know. Like, oh, would you not learn? Well, to be fair, I was cheated on in a relationship and I never knew until like a year after we'd broken up. I remember that. Fucking whore. I know, but I was cheated on in a relationship and I never knew until like a year after we'd broken up. Fucking whores.

I know, but I actually don't give a shit now. But like I was, yeah. Three, four times that I know about, but I never knew at the time. So actually they can get away with it if they really want to. Because actually I was always with that person as well. I think there's a culture now though of like women ratting and like people ratting each other out. So you have to be very careful.

I wouldn't want to be, I wouldn't want to get involved in that kind of crap though. No. But actually, and no one told me at the time. I think when you're dealing

with athletes in particular, like I mean, I think expecting monogamy from an athlete is like expecting a priest to have an age appropriate relationship. Like,

he really made it seem though that like that was that for him, you know? What an arsehole. They're full of shit. He's a fucking arsehole. Have you ever cheated on anyone? Ah, yeah. Back when I was a kid,

but not now. I just wouldn't be arsed. Like, once I'm in a relationship, I'm very invested. Maybe a little too invested, actually. Possibly, possibly. Well, I cheated on my boyfriend on my six-year holiday,

and all my mates, little bitches, they made me ring him and tell him. And he'd been to Thailand. He'd been to Thailand and he brought me home with a load of fake bags

and I felt terrible. That's them just wanting the dramas of the whole thing. Yeah, I had to tell him that I cheated on him. He took me back. I lost my virginity. Well, I say lost.

Lost implies that like you kind of put it down to where you put it. I threw it at a Turkish waiter. Threw it. Like, could not get rid of it fast down to where you put it. I threw it at a Turkish waiter. Threw it. Like could not get rid of it fast enough. But weirdly I was going out with the guy at the time and I tried to give, I tried to throw my virginity at him and for whatever reason

we just couldn't get it in. So then anyway went to Turkey. Whatever, don't know what it was. The sun. The sun is a great lubricant. Oh Jesus John. In it went The other day right She texts me When we're about to meet Oh I've gone to meet My friend for a glass of wine

I've sat on the top And I was like That little bitch I know that we have a deal Where we can cancel on each other Not at the exact time You've got to give me Half an hour's notice

Cow You love when I cancel I I do, yeah. Yeah, she loves it. There comes a point every week when we've shared far too much about ourselves and need a little moment to recover. I think that moment was when I said I took it from behind in my mum's kitchen. That's the moment that screams out to me to be totally honest. What do you reckon? It was more the action that you made.

Jesus, your poor mother. I don't think she listens to this. Hopefully I'm going to have to steal her earbuds. Not her earbuds. What are they called? Hearing aids, yeah. Earbuds.

Same thing. For that reason we're always happy to read your emails which you can send to hello at mtgmpod.com here's this week's

email dear Vogue and Joanne I loved hearing the dab stories last week it reminded me of mine my day was supposed to be picking me up from my mum's house

before we went on to meet everyone else at the hotel he turned up completely battered with ketchup on his tie and his shoes as well. It was unclear why he wasn't wearing

them. I was raging. So I left him outside in the garden whilst me and my mum worked out what to do next. Five minutes later I went outside to see what could be done and he was fast asleep on our bench. I left him there, went to the party and mum said she'd keep an eye on him. She told me the next

day that he'd been fast keeping the bench till about 11.30 when he'd scarf it everyone loves a good Deb story all the best Cara that is so good imagine waking up

on the bench Cara that story is hilarious I actually honestly think you could get a hell series out of out of Deb stories yeah keep them coming

keep sending your Deb stories I should also say thank you so so so much for all the messages about the podcast people are being incredibly sound and kind

and complimentary it's so lovely so this is women are so sound you'll probably never see this that's the one they're the ones I always read me too

you'll probably never see this but just wanted to let you know read. Me too. You'll probably never see this, Mel, but just wanted to let you know I love the podcast with Vogue. Was listening walking home from work last week, crease laughing. Unfortunately, I got a smack of a van while walking home

and have a very bad leg injury. Had surgery, spent five days in hospital and God knows how long I'll be laid up for. But when it was all going down and the van was driving over my leg and I lay in the road

waiting for the ambulance. I had you in vogue in my ears keeping me calm. I love her. Well, that is all for this week. And remember, if you'd like to send us an email, you're more than welcome to.

So just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com. I've more Vicar Street dates coming in April 2022. I think they're going on sale this week. So, yeah. Maybe buy one of those

or whatever. Or don't. If you like the pod, do you know what we'd love if you, do you know what we'd love now? Do you know what we'd absolutely love?

What would we love? If they subscribed. I don't know why we want that, but according to Jo, we do. And leave a review. Oh, yes. Leave a review. Only if it's good. Have I seen it? Have we want that but according to Joe we do. And leave a review. Oh yes. Leave a review.

Only if it's good. Have I seen it? Have we seen it? Have we any reviews yet? That would be nice for us to see them. Are they nice? Throw us a five star there

will you? Go on. Throw us a five star there. Give us an L5 over there. you