My Therapist Ghosted Me - Australia, Date Demands & Phone Sex

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

This time, you find Vogue & Joanne in their dressing room at the Liverpool Philharmonic Hall, with some big news for those of you down under! Plus, Sophie Turner, that poor fella on a plane and the demands you could be making on your next date.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. McNally That wasn't really What I had in mind When I said to spice up The intro Okay you spice up Spice up your life Bitch I don't know now We need to brainstorm it Oh well that was good Okay Well we'll just Take my name show

And just leave what you Are on set there Yeah It's been wild And unpredictable Something just Wacky We're sitting in

Liverpool So we're in Liverpool We're about to do Ghosted live In Liverpool In the Philharmonic Gorgeous room Gorgeous And We're sitting in Liverpool so we're in Liverpool we're about to do Ghosted live in Liverpool in the Philharmonic gorgeous room gorgeous

and we're sitting in the dressing room because obviously me and Vogue share a dressing room even though I've asked for that not to be the case but she just keeps coming in

we do have two dressing rooms and I will never not be in the same one as Joanne she's always just like a buzzing around in mine where's she going Joe? but she's sitting over and I was like

because when I toured with Gerard like he was also quite you know what? what are you going to say then? like sticky? no not sticky

not sticky just quite like you know like he I don't think he ever had a drink before the show oh yeah

and I was looking across at you eating your homemade meatballs drinking your pint of Ribena and I was like when's my rock and roll moment going to come who am I going to be shooting up with

when is where's that tour Jo you're going to have to think about touring with somebody else for that and there's a lot to be said for Ribena because I don't get Ribena

in my regular shop I'm actually full of shit I couldn't think of anything worse no hideous what have I been doing this week Spenny's away he's away

so Spenny's away he's still away he's going to be away for two weeks and honestly like I was trying to explain to him the other day I sent him a message

and I was like like it's really hard that you're not here I'm just having to pick up all the slack like and he's like oh see darling I do do loads of stuff

and I'm like don't get confused here you do fuck all but the fuck all he does makes a big difference when I'm doing it all all on my own yeah

it's just like and he keeps ringing me. Keeps ringing me. Well I have to say I know. Even I noticed that when he forced me to go to that

incredibly aristocratic sport where the horses had golf clubs. That fucking polo thing. Do you know that she dragged me to that? Two things I want to say

about that. One, Spencer FaceTimed her about nine I don't know I was like I don't know how you handled that oh because you had my phone oh yeah no I didn't no no no your phone was in the bag

but right that day because then we went to Bristol to do a show so I saw the whole day play out hello darling and he's on FaceTime it's always a FaceTime I couldn't cope with that

and he's ringing me with his new friends that he's made on the show and I'm like I'm trying to watch TV you're so sound like if Alan tries to ring me I'm like is everything okay That he's made on the show And I'm like I'm trying to watch TV You're so sound Like if Alan tries to ring me I'm like Is everything okay?

Is he like Give us a buzz later I'm like why are you alright? Has something happened? I know He's like no But then I won't be ringing you later I'm so mean

I can't bear being on the phone that much I just can't stand it Well I'd be mean And count the calls from today You should yeah Name and shame Three Oh goodness

Seven Seven FaceTimes Eight It's like a condition Nine from today you should yeah name and shame three oh goodness seven seven facetimes it's like a condition nine ten I couldn't be I'd change my number ten

there's been ten ten facetimes today because he's got he's like he has breaks and you know in your film and like TV it gets kind of boring after a while

so I'm his like boring breaker yeah yeah yeah and he just rings me and he's like are you with the kids and he rings to talk to the kids at seven in the morning and i'm like it's the most difficult time i need to like now t has to be at the door at five past eight where we used to leave gradually and half half eight quarter to nine now i have to be ready at five five say and it's just like really difficult to have everything in place and then

to have someone ringing i'm like no no no no it's gotta stop yeah it has to stop it has to stop well I will tell you he had a day and he was like darling darling I'm ringing you now because we're going to run out of signal today

and I was like gonna run out of signal thank god why didn't this happen nine days ago that man can't have a signal like he's out of control I know

I'd be like babe I really miss you too you can call me once a day at five o'clock between five and five o' seven I'll be available for a really miss you too you can call me once a day at 5 o'clock between 5 and 5.07 I'll be available for a FaceTime other than that

fuck off I told him that all phone signal in Liverpool is down I can't talk to him today and I heard the same is happening throughout London tomorrow

they can't explain it it's just happening and we can't talk all the time it's the aliens and the ozone layer just tell him he threw your phone

into a blender I'd honestly I would have to get it I would have to I would change I have to be honest it I would have to I would change I have to be honest though I'm kind of bad with him too like I'll ring him over

like I text you over things but like I'll just ring him to get over well you know that I'm not I don't you're not a phone girl no now we do

I would talk to you on the phone more so than most people I think we have a lot of work shit to talk about we're very privileged yeah if you ring me I'm like oh this is obviously work related

and then there'll be a bit of gossip at the talk about. Very privileged. Yeah. If you ring me, I'm like, oh, this is obviously work related. And then there'll be a bit of gossip at the end, which is nice. I thoroughly enjoy the gossip. We like to start with a bit of gossip and then work, work, work. And then a little bit of gossip at the end. Gossip, gossip. Anyway, Spencer has a condition and if I were you, I'd be getting changed. You're going to be getting a restraining order.

I couldn't fucking cope with that. I know. Well, you know, he's coming back next week. Thank God. I'm going to put my earplugs in. I'm not getting up at six in the morning. I'm not doing it. Getting up at six in the morning I'm not doing it getting up at six in the morning every day

for weeks and weeks on end I know some people would do it but like I just like I just want the odd day to sleep in till eight

why get up at six what's happened there because someone wakes me up don't forget we've got Bertie the puppy who shites all over

the place so I have to get up before the kids to clean up the shite so they don't go into the shite and then T walks into the kitchen and he's like and you know I'm not get up before the kids to clean up the shite so they don't go into the shite and then he walks into the kitchen

and he's like and you know I'm not a fan of the scatology oh does that count with a puppy well of course yeah any reference to any sort of fetal

bowel movements makes me just I don't know why I just can't cope with it okay Jo let I did say fetal fecal fecal

Freudian slip. What can I say? Fetal. Fecal. Fetal. You're dead right. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Anyway, but what I will say is before we, before Mrs. ADHD, before you fucking jump on to the next thing. Yeah, I'm already there. I know. Look at me.

Look at me. Thank you. Yeah. The story about your man having the diary on the plane they had to turn the plane around I mean

even I cannot avoid that do you know do you know what though I had that for our pod and I was like I'm not going to put it on ours I said I said let's put it in

Spencer and Vogue because that's something we would discuss not Joanne and I literally took it away from this pod when I was obviously desperate

to talk about it it was well the only I kind of ignored it because I was like I actually felt so sorry for the person well it was a biohazard

like how bad was it but did you see the footage no oh yeah that's why I saw the footage don't ask me how how I want to see it obviously

I don't know how it's sweet so it was like god love him like oh my god how would you ask him one hour to make shocking like I honestly I need to see it I need to see it so the whole So it was like, God love him. Like, oh my God. How would you ask him one hour's make?

Shocking. Like, I honestly. I need to see it. I need to see it. So the whole, so they showed the footage of the plane when everyone had disembarked and it looked like something out of that film, Alive. Like the plane was just absolute carnage. And do they know who it was? Of course they do.

Oh please God. So there was seatbelts flung over. There was, there was cloths everywhere Flung over There was Cloths everywhere The place just looked like Everyone had left in an emergency And then God love them There is Diarrhea All up the aisle

Of the plane Stop Yeah So we obviously didn't say He didn't make it to the toilet It was all I know It was all up the aisle

Of the plane And then they put like Little bits of They tried to obviously Clean it up oh my god yeah so it wasn't just

you know it wasn't just it wasn't confined it was everywhere it was a nine hour flight and they had to turn back after three hours imagine like

returning with that stench I'd be into I'd go I'd be straight into witness protection oh my god I can't believe no no

I'd have a full facelift and I'd have a new head and I'd be straight into witness protection oh my god I can't believe no no I'd have a full facelift and I'd have a new head and I'd be into witness protection like that's that is that has never happened to me

in a public space or even at home I think we'd have covered that at this stage in the podcast if it had I wouldn't because you don't like that kind of chat if a plane had been turned

around folks like that's mad that never happened to me but that is so like embarrassing I know but I sure everyone knew who it was

well unless he was a ghost running up the aisle I wouldn't mind if I pissed myself in public that wouldn't bother me so much that wouldn't bother me at all actually which is a good thing because I have done it

have you? yeah everyone what? I don't think if I have remember I was always saying I used to oh little we's don't count the pelvic yeah no I don't think if I have remember I was always saying I used to oh little wee's don't

count pelvic yeah no I've never like as an adult stood there with like barrels

of urine rolling down my leg but I have had incidences where I remember once in the

gaiety when we were doing our show and like we danced along to this song and I'd obviously hit

it too hard and I was like I was like when we came out I was like oh my god I pissed myself I had to look down at my traces to make sure yeah sometimes I do get like a surge of like kind of liquid coming out of me at times which I'm to this day I'm not really sure what it is I'll just be kind of what did you call the juice sexy saliva I'll just be suddenly Kind of damp

But not I'm not sure What's happened as such Do you know what I mean? It's a mystery You could never recover From something Like

That plane incident Is as bad as that guy Who had sex with a cow Whoa You talking about the guy Who got fucked up by a horse? No This guy had sex with a cow

What is wrong with these people? I know Well no the diary now is obviously not like you know that's not it's kind of a sexual choice that's

I don't know they're both equally if I was him I would have to backtrack to where I ate like that's the cowlite stuff like that's

where did that come from you know what I mean that's not well oh god that's not a sandwich from Pratt that's something there's something seriously's not a sandwich from Pratt that's something there's something

seriously wrong there I would imagine it's it could be just viral but if it's food related heads would roll I'd be up in the high court like wag at the Christie I'd be fucking

seeing everyone there's nothing you can do about it I got really sick from this really expensive restaurant in Sydney and I ordered duck pancakes right

no one else wanted the duck pancakes at the table and I couldn't eat them all because there was too many duck pancakes so I ate as much as I could of ordered duck pancakes right no one else wanted the duck pancakes at the table and I couldn't eat them all because there was too many duck pancakes so I ate as much as I could of the duck pancakes

and I took them with me and I gave them to this we went over to this place that we used to drink in so we went and we were having drinks at this place I gave it to the waitress

my leftovers of duck pancakes so I was like quacked out of it as you said and to say I was violently ill for four days I had to go to hospital what I was in bits to say i was violently ill for four days i had to go to hospital what i was in bit and then she was violently ill so it was only the two of us that were violently

ill and she said i think it was out i was like it was them yeah i'm the only one who was sick and i rang the restaurant they're like no nothing to do with us they literally because they're never going to say oh sorry for poisoning you they're not how can they prove it they can't prove it i guess if everyone gets sick they're they would say but yeah they're going to can they prove it they can't prove it i guess if everyone gets sick there they would say but yeah they're gonna deny it all they can it's like those holidays when you see people it's like i went on this prepaid holiday to turkey and we all got sick in the hotel it's like violently ill but it could also be narovirus because that's so contagious i also got really sick and it's my own fault because i ate an oyster in the mountains when i was skiing and i have never been so oysters don't live in the mountains no they don't live in the mountains it

was my own i wasn't thinking like that I just thought icy it's cold is it fresh yeah well I just hope this man is I assume it's a man it sounds like a man thing to do it's a bit of a male it's a bit of a male move I'm just saying sorry Jo but a woman would have made us the toilet because we don't like because then you'd expect someone else to clean up your mess it's just not something a woman would do a woman's toilet because we don't like because then you'd expect someone else to clean up your mess it's just not something a woman would do a woman's not going to shit in the aisles

I think if it had been a woman yeah it would have been a bigger story and we would have had her on as a guest she would have been named and shamed she would have been

named and shamed whereas this for some reason they're protecting this man's identity which they absolutely should do anyway I hope he's safe and well

and I hope that he has someone to blame. Me and Vogue are sending our love. We feel really sorry for you. We feel really sorry for you but not in a pitying way. Just, you know,

it could happen to the best of us. Exactly, but hopefully it will never happen. And I hope you enjoy your new life in Mexico City with a new head and a nose job. The house is now open.

Please do not cross the stage. The house is now open. Please do not cross the stage. I will if I want. Right? I will if I want. One thing I wanted to talk about, right? Go on. because i only saw her in the paper again today thank god it's kind of like going away a bit now sophie turner and your man the jonas fella yeah yeah yeah the virgin that really fucked me off that story go on why really annoyed me because so sophie turner and a jonas brother i don't know which one no i don't know one of the jonas's um they got married and they have two kids together and they're getting

divorced yeah all of a sudden there's all this shit in the papers about sophie turner and all this stuff in american magazines about sophie being this like wild party animal and he's just like he's all pictured out with the kids yeah the kids and she's like this pictured in bars doing shots and blah blah blah and it's like that is not the actual story trying to drag her through the mud

to make him seem like like an angel Jonas brother I mean the man I'm sorry the man wore one of those frigid rings

what are they called what are they called a chastity ring yes indeed a frigid ring yeah he's wearing one of those frigid rings and I'm just like

fuck off bullshit fuck off and Bullshit. Fuck off. And you know, when you look back at interviews, because I think someone in the Daily Mail, our main source of information.

In CNN, yeah. This woman wrote an article kind of defending her and being like, actually, if you look back at it, she says in interviews like, oh, I'm like more of a homebody. I wish that I was, he's a,

is it Joe? I can't remember. It's Joe. It's definitely, it's I'm like more of a homebody. I wish that I was. He's a Joe. I can't remember. It's Joe. It's definitely a Jonas. A Jonas. Jonas number one, we'll call him. One of the Jonas's. I used to watch.

I used to watch this fucking living at home with the Jonas's. Did you? It was the curly haired one. And he was just so. I love their song. Mbop. I did actually buy one of the Joneses songs who were they

Hanson obviously they all fucking look the same to me come on again she's showing us she knows music anyway yeah I'll be up for a Mercury Prize soon

no so anyway so she so she so this paper was writing that he had said that she had said that he was the party animal and then there's actually

an interview that they done together and it's like one of those things where you hold up the sign like who is the blah blah blah and it's like

who is the party animal and they both put up his name and tried to plant it on her that she was the party animal and that she's like a crap mom because she's out and about

and stuff like that well no she is not and also it's just that thing of like if a mother leaves the house like you know

it's grand for men to go out and do what they want but if a man's at home holding the baby while his wife is out doing shots of smearing off ice it's just heads roll

but ultimately to be honest I'm gonna say this I don't know why I'm whispering they're not in the room. When I saw her marry him, I did think, they're very fucking young. You see, they are. Listen to this.

Very young, very young. Listen to this. Are you only two fucking young? I got married when I was 26. Yeah, but you're not married to them anymore. I'm not married to them anymore. But listen to this. Do you know what I mean?

Listen to this. Exhibit A. Like you are, you're literally the test tube baby of the whole thing. But wait, do you hear this? Go on. Spenny and I met when he was 27.

Too young. He needs to spread his wings. Anyway, he was only 27. He told me that the other day and I was like, no you weren't. And he's like, yeah I was. I'm like, oh my God, you were. yeah I was I'm like oh my god you were because I was 30

and ready for second time marriage yeah yeah yeah but I'm like you were 27 you fucking macho yeah that is very young very young when you're at

so if anyone is looking for a divorced man with three kids and a fantastic wife ex-wife ex-wife I have the I have the man for you yes

you'll do you'll just be one of those blended families like you're one and that lad who?

Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom and you're one Miranda Kerr Miranda Kerr has openly said Katy Perry is the best woman I could raise my children with Miranda Kerr seems like

a very nice person Katy Perry seems like a very nice person she does actually and I've actually heard Orlando seems like a bit of a melt no I have heard right because I know somebody who worked with both of them and both seems like a very nice person she does actually and I've actually heard Orlando seems like a bit of a melt no I have heard right

because I know somebody who worked with both of them and both really really sound that's nice like really

I always think it's nice to say when people are saying she's meant to be absolutely sound and fucking hilarious and he's meant to be really nice and polite

that's really nice because they need the PR they do need the PR they need a bit after he's done hasn't heard of Orlandolando bloom he's an actor apparently he's a really sound guy give him a bit of work i mean he kind of work what i will say is i did i did paint him with a bad brush when i saw him like on that paddleboard i don't know

why i found it really strange i just thought like get your don't get your dick out when you're in the middle of the ocean with paps everywhere but then what did he know there was paps everywhere ah come on there's always paps everywhere yeah I'm gonna do that actually those

those pictures went everywhere I'm gonna get the whole foo-foo out on my next holiday I don't mind seeing a dick on a canoe I'm not gonna lie I think he had a big dick too

that's why he got it out because he knew it was big they were like what is that the oar what's going on so anyway the Joe Jonas um is his name Joe

it is Joe God he's 34 he looks like 17 he's old enough to be married she's 27 she's young and they're married

ah she was 23 when they got married like come on like you know what I mean like she hadn't lived and also she'd had this very kind of controlled life

doing Game of Thrones where she worked on it since she was a teenager and then suddenly she's free to live a life she pops out two fucking kids

before she's 28 no wonder she's out doing shots with her mates I know but so TMZ long may she reign it was exactly

it was TMZ who reported it so they think that his PR people tried to make her look bad they were like oh Joe Jonas are divorcing

because she likes to party like she said in the press that she's like a homebody so she's not so this is like my i want to stick up for sophie turning probably out partying because her marriage is falling apart and she's like i want a bit of crack in my life if you don't mind please yeah i also love that they keep quoting the price of the shots 650 shots like who's who's doing the pure for the bar 650 shots that's not happy i remember when doing the pure for the bar? 650 shots. That's not how cheap they are. I remember when I got divorced

and like, I wasn't going out partying, which is what I should have been doing. And you know the way you get your first picture taken, like once you get caught, like the paps caught her, she looked amazing.

She was on a movie set. I was literally bringing my bins out. I was bringing the bins out. I had four bin bags, black bin bags in my hands. And that was my picture then you fall under the

puts on a depressed display whereas Sophie falls under the showing what he's missing headline there's only three headlines yeah

or if it's one of the really trolly papers they'll put a photo where you're taking out the bins knowing you look like shit and then also say showing blah blah blah

what he's missing which is really trolly yeah yeah yeah that's a bit shitty yeah I do that um I mean I don't even know where to start

good for her I don't know the information the details or anyone's surnames but good for them you know what it just like I just kept seeing

loads of stuff in the press and I was like come on like stop like I just feel like there's a lot of that trying to play women like just women are always just like I watched they're shot on they are shot on because I watched the video as well of all these sports stars and like like this woman was like interviewing him and he's she was like oh you're all the women love your legs in those shorts and he didn't even respond

he just looked at her and was like what some woman was interviewing the sports star and I'm just saying that women are so used to getting questions like that it's always like

oh what are you wearing I'm not going to lie I'm slightly sad that I've never been objectified and I look forward to the day and I'm going to say it now whenever it says

I put on a leggy display or a busty display I'm putting on both guys it'll happen it's not the most feminist thing I've ever said but it's it's how I feel

and I just want to be my authentic self you might be an authentic thirsty desperate needy insecure self

ta-da and then we'll cut to a video of her saying that she wanted it but she'll be posting online this is bullshit I'm not putting up with this they'll be like who did you want McNally to suck off to get that job I'll be like fucking everyone posting online this is bullshit I'm not putting up with this they were like who did you want

McNally to suck off to get that job I'd be like fucking everyone fucking everyone if you didn't run away from paps yeah because you're

dressed like J-Lo like fucking fucks inside of me because if pap went outside the venue in Liverpool and I was like dude

no no fucking no I literally jumped under the engine of a truck half way outside the van you were in Liverpool and I was like dude no no fucking no I literally ran I literally jumped under the engine of a truck I wanted to give a special shout out

to Kevin Cutter from Caroline Moving Company Kevin Cutter who moved me from Enniscarry back to London and I was

he's so amazing was he there on the day no he wasn't there on the day but like he was on the he was on the phone but I was like Kevin Carey is the closest thing that me and you have to a father

if we I do I do have a stepdad but okay I have a biological father in Australia it's not the same Kevin is hands on

Kevin moved he's a hands on dad he's a hands on dad like when you moved out when you broke up with your previous partner like he moved all your shit out He's just

He's the kind of man If me and Vogue rang him And we were like Listen We've done a murder And We've done a murder There's a body

In the sitting room He'd be like Not a problem girls I'll have it in Belgium In an hour He'd just dump it In the fucking back of a truck And he'd move it for us

And he'd ask no questions And he'd also do something Smart that we wouldn't Have to pay customs for the corpse. He is amazing. I just want to give him a special shout out. Kevin, we love you. Kevin, we do love you.

And tell me, how has the move? Joanna's finally, she's moving back to London. It's happened. It's happened. So I'm now in kind of a limbo because I can't get into the new place until the start of November. So I'm just kind of floating around now.

You're not in limbo. You're in one static place in my basement that's the only place that you are I went and brought I went and brought your clean clothes in there

yesterday morning they're sitting on your bed shut up focus don't pass her I thought limbo would sound kind of more exciting but yes I'm in yours

and there's a couple of washes that need to be done but I I didn't want to I didn't want to push doors to look busy but um also I I've didn't want to I didn't want to push doors to look busy but um also I

I've got my Canadian tour I mean please for the fuck I can't Winnipeg like I'm not gonna go John they don't like you

they don't want me there they don't want you there they don't want me I think they're gonna be protesting I think there's gonna be pitchforks if I actually turn up now you're gonna get red paint thrown at you

Calgary Victoria like I've all these Canadian dates the only people who want to come is Toronto and Vancouver. Well, I don't know what to say about that. You're going, you're going, you're going to have a lovely time. How long do you have to go for? Come on, I'm fucking going over on a plane.

All the dates for my Canadian tour are available to purchase on jimaback.com. That was my mom's wedding song my number five to Neil because she loves it because it's like a little bit of Sandra in the song

of course she does she's like my name's in this song who are you he's like I'm Neil I'm your new husband I did a COVID test earlier where did you even get them anymore

how retro how retro I had to go back in time I felt really nostalgic it was like wearing buffalo boots or something I was like oh my god look at this shoving the little thing up your nose

choking on it it's like having a Tamagotchi this is so retro don't have it sadly do you remember those women and fucking choking on it it's like having a Tamagotchi I was like this is so retro I did a COVID test don't have it sadly do you remember you probably didn't do the test properly do you remember those women

that like well not women there was a company that used to come to my house to do it if you had to do a TV show they were really like they wouldn't trust you

to do it themselves I had the same because like when you have someone else doing the test for you they stick it up they're really slow and they're like twisting

and you're like twisting And you're like This doesn't need Like it's not in my brain Anyway I did my own It was probably Maybe I was a bit brief with it A bit brief

Great Well I'm looking forward I'm looking forward to Catching the old COVID again Thank you On my own biohazard Yeah Grim

I don't have it I don't have it It's grand Bit of news A little bit A big bit of news actually have it it's grand bit of news a little bit a big bit of news actually big bit of news

big bit of news for us I'm thrilled an even bigger news for me we'll see how Australia feel about it because if it's anything like Canada

it's going to be a big fucking disappointment we are coming to Australia we are do it again without the accent

we are coming to Australia sorry I can't it's just the way I speak it's the way I speak they don't they're not going to like it they like Australia

people say I sound Australian we're coming to Australia we're coming to Sydney Canberra we're going to Perth we're going to Melbourne and maybe Brisbane and maybe Brisbane

if we can get the date in the venue yeah we're trying very hard we're trying very hard. We're trying to make, I love Brisbane as well. They call it Brisbane Vegas. It's deadly.

Brisbane's, I have to say, when I was in Australia with Brasaco, Brisbane was kind of the star city because I'd been to the other places before and Perth actually,

the suburbs of Perth were amazing as well. I absolutely loved Brisbane. I wasn't expecting to love Brisbane as much as I loved Brisbane. I can't wait to just go and not get up at any

time in the morning and go for a walk and basically just look after myself. Live my old... My old life. I might sit in bed and read a book for three hours in the day. You could start modelling again. DJing, presenting. You wouldn't know what would happen.

I might just move to Australia alone. We're big fans i used to live there for like two years yeah i lived there i lived there too oh for how long a year okay well i was a proper resident for two years yeah so was i i had a house with a door and everything okay do you remember those spiders the the huntsman spiders yeah they were huge oh my god they're like as big as your head and they jump I remember the winter in Australia I was like whoa whoa whoa

it's proper cold like oh it gets like yeah frosty no I know I was there for a year oh were you yeah

oh okay a hell of a year because you were there for two I think you understand I went through I went through two really harsh winters yeah guests like that

over here in Australia anyway we're absolutely thrilled where did you live hmm well actually I lived in... This sounds suspect, but anyway. I did six months in Sydney.

Of course you did. And then I did six months in Melbourne. Well, that is actually very clever of you because I only did Sydney. Oh, so I've traveled then. Oh, no, but I was traveling all over because, you know, I was working in Australia at the time on my visa.

I was also working in Australia as well. I wasn't just like backpacking. I was like, I had a suitcase with a zip and then I worked and I worked in a call centre so okay well I was travelling

back and forth to Melbourne a couple of times a week sometimes you know I've been there and they never mentioned you okay I said I do pockets of folk

William said who the fuck is that everyone said who the fuck is that and I had to explain oh well we're in Australia I'm sorry you're going to have to

put some time in your diary because I've got so many friends over there that are australian we're gonna have to spend time with sure i have seven minutes on one day we can meet your friends your squad my old manager is in australia i might i might meet up with her it's been so long you should you should you should we're gonna be so busy in busy in Australia with our social scene. With all of our friends. All of our friends. Anyway, we're coming.

I think it's on sale. Is it on sale? Well, you're usually the woman who knows that. It's going to be on sale on Thursday. Thursday. And it's very exciting. And the most exciting thing about the whole thing was because I was a bit nervous about Vogue's kind of...

Family problems. Family problems. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. And I was like, are about Vogue's kind of family problems family problems yes thank you and I was like are the problems coming with us are the problems staying in the UK

are we travelling like the Von Trapps or what's happening did you think I'd bring the kids I didn't know I didn't do that to you I don't know

I wouldn't know oh I wouldn't do that to you because you've always said the longest you'll stay away from them is three days and now we're going to Oz for two weeks I mean the longest well I've had a very full-on few weeks now maybe if i

medicate her she won't realize how long away the decision was made easier over the last two weeks and i felt like you know what i need this two weeks for myself no what i will say is i do only usually spend three days away from them but there's no way you bring kids to australia for two weeks bounce around that much and have them in the time difference that's a problem it's not fair to them or me it's not fair to them or my main child joanne i can't do it i don't want my siblings there i want mommy's attention i'm gonna need now i'm gonna need attention over there because like i don't spend that much time on my own so i know that you're gonna be no i know i'm aware alone i won't i won't no i know share rooms i'm aware i'm aware i'm gonna i'll turn up i'll go to

the breakfast and all that actually sorry i forgot i've got all my pals over there. You're fine. Sorry, no, of course. If you can contact your manager who I'm pretty sure has blocked you, you'll be fine. Did you see this dating demands of this woman on TikTok? Yes.

Only because I want to see what your dating demands would be because I would also have demands. Oh, yeah. But her demands right oh it was on Facebook fuck is Facebook still going is Facebook still a thing

I think it's just for lost dogs now who's lost their dog and who's dead a lot of death ones when it was my birthday on Facebook I'd got a lot of love

I don't get that anymore because I'm not on the Facebook anyway this woman before you ask me on a date just now I'll agree to lunch or dinner depending on my schedule and know I'll agree to lunch or dinner

depending on my schedule and you will first have to provide the following $50 for gas I refuse to ride with you in case I want to leave $75 to $100 for a babysitter or you could pay for

two more meals wow $100 for a shine haul Shane what is that sheen sheen haul out of the clothes

yeah I need to be able to try on a few options for our date for a shine haul. Shane. What is that? Sheen. Sheen. Haul out of the clothes. Yeah. I need to be able to try on a few options for our date. $100 for my toes. No need to worry about my nails since I don't get them

done anyways. Yes. That's nice. Yes, you'll be paying for the whole date. No, I won't be sleeping with you and the second date will depend on how well

you tip our server. Wow. If this is too much then I'm not for you. I live my life like this already and if you can't please leave me alone ladies am i missing anything else sorry now that woman's saying that's the confidence of a woman who has a vagina the size of a tic tac yeah she's like i am tight as

fuck and i can make all these demands because once it gets down to business you're gonna be thrilled yeah but you know what i mean that's a bit much for me. And if you choose to go out with somebody like that, I'd be making demands like that. If you choose to go out with somebody like that, that's,

that's on you to go out with. I would say, I'm not high maintenance, I don't think. Are you? No! No,

I'm definitely not. I think, I think we should be more high maintenance of anything. My demands, right, when Spenny leaves, because we got married

when he was 27, when he leaves, my demands right when Spenny leaves because we got married when he was 27 when he leaves my demands will be I need to go out with somebody who is ambitious because I can't if they don't have to have money

they just need to have ambition what? are you suggesting Spencer doesn't have ambition? no he does that's why I'm attracted to him sorry fine I think you were saying

the things I'm missing that was kind of how me and Jo perceived that. Oh my god, you both really love Spenny the way you looked at me there. We were like, oh god, she's just realised he's got no ambition. How is it taking this long? Spenny is very

ambitious and I like that about him. So I like ambition in a person. But they don't have to have money. They have to be able to take on three kids and two dogs. Yes. I mean, that's not easy work. Yeah. And I don't... Why is one of the kids dying? Because I'm gone. You're going to have to cut one of the other ones.

I also wouldn't want, like I'd want somebody, I don't want anyone lazy. No, laziness is very unattractive. Well, what would you want? I love, and anyone, well, certainly Alan

would attest to this. I like a lot of time on my own. So I need someone to not really bother me that much and not want to ring me and stuff like that. And then... How long do you think you'd last with Svenny? I couldn't, but maybe the afternoon. Would you only, like if you went on a date with him,

do you think you'd just have to go home after the date? I think he, I think you, I think he loves you so much for many reasons, but also you like you kind of mother him a bit yeah yeah i do you know what i mean yeah so he you're his like you're his where he goes when like anything goes like when any he has like two minutes of spare headspace in the day he just rings you like you're his umbilical cord to family and love and the world. I would never be that for anyone. No, no, no, no. That's not the service I offer. I kind of am a motherly person.

I tell everybody I do it. Yeah, you are. And so I can understand why he's so, he loves, you know, it makes him feel kind of safe and home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I do. Oh my God, am I boring then?

Is that boring? No. I want to be a sexy fucking slag. You are sexy. I want to be a sexy slag john everyone says you're a slag don't worry okay thank you don't worry folk everyone thinks you're a slag god i was worried for a second oh okay do you want to see what they say it's amazing check the daily mail you'll be very reassured here's that

fucking gutter slut again um do you know what does bother me down i mean just i should probably say to alan before i said on the podcast but anyway here we are me and i'll have a shared bank account like we put money into the rev so we put the same money in the rev and then like we're going for dinners and drinks like blah blah blah because it's his rev he taps for everything and I'm like this fucking prick it looks like oh it looks like

he pays for everything he's paying for everything yeah I know and then one time I said it to him and then the girl came over and was like

do you want a tap for this and I was like don't fucking condescend me no I don't but I'm not I'm not arsed but I want let the record show

he's not whining and dining me around the place it's an equal business arrangement I do like to be whined and dined

a little bit though I would expect I don't care if anyone thinks that I'm not feminist and a strong woman or whatever I want I want the first day

to be paid for it and I want I also want a hundred dollars for my shine haul I want a hundred dollars for my god damn shine. Of course. And I also want $100 for my shine haul. Of course. I want $100 for my goddamn shine haul. Yeah. And a babysitter. That's a lot for a babysitter, though, I have to say.

Like, how long is she going out for? $75 to $100. Look, don't get me wrong. I'm all about paying my way. Unless I don't want to. And then I'm very against it. And the times that I am against it. I'm all about paying my way until I have to pay my way.

I remember. Exactly. And then when the reality of paying your own way'm all about paying my way until I have to pay my way. I remember. Exactly. And then when the reality of paying your own way hits you in the face like a plank, you're like, this doesn't feel good, actually. Will I tell you something I did and I regret this very fucking day. Go on. You paid for something. So, Benny and I, when we first got together, he was like, oh, no, no, no, no. I'm one of those guys.

Like, I have to pay for everything. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's what I should have said. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm one of those girls and I can pay for everything and I was like no no no no that's what I should have said I was like no no no no I'm one of those girls and I can pay for my own shit thank you very much and to this day we go halves on nearly everything that's that's I'm really sorry to hear that what a stupid asshole I think I'd have a few drinks that's what I think got a bit big-headed you did because it's something you want to like assert your independence it also I have to say it is also it's nice to

kind of throw your card down and be like I don't fucking need her I don't need her stupid little man pennies I didn't mean that I took it too far Jo's laughing at man pennies your man pennies I don't need your little man pennies pathetic man pennies

I've got womanly dolla so come on dolla dolla come on dolla but yeah so just for anyone me and Alan have ever dined with or in

that was a 50% arrangement even though he tapped the card that's all I just wanted to say that hopefully people come if not we're going anyway so well we fucked it in here we go Australia

to a room don't try and teach us a lesson by not turning off we're coming anyway we need to become more demanding honestly I don't really have any

We're not even demanding Well I did have I don't like a man who's gamey online What do you mean gamey? Like I don't like

a man who's like Suggestive No I don't like a man who's very interact like I don't like a man I don't like going out

with a lad who's going around liking loads of other women's half naked shots Oh my god obviously nobody wants interact like I don't like a man I don't like going out with a lad who's going around liking loads of other women's half naked shots oh my god obviously nobody wants that yeah I don't know some women rise above it they're like I don't mind

remember Michelle Keegan remember Mark Wright I this gave me a lot of respect for her actually I respect her anyway yeah but I was like

I wish I'd be one of those women who's like I don't sweat the small stuff basically Mark he was liking models like little bikini photos and obviously a paper captioned it

and made a story out of it. Oh my God, no. And I, in fairness to her, she was like, I don't sweat the small stuff. And I was like, I think there's something

really empowering about dismissing it as nonsense. I know, but I, do you really not sweat the small stuff or did you have an absolute fucking raging argument

that's what you said well the official line was very impressive to me so I would go with a guy who was like relentless online like Jesus he was relentless

with that kind of stuff but at the time I felt like I really looked up to him and I was wasn't as secure as I was as I would be now

so it really bothered me and really upset me now I don't know if I'd care as much I don't think no I don't think I'd really like great no it's not great it's kind of a it's kind of a girl do you know what I think it is saying that like I like all fucking like skeptics videos I'm like look like I like love hearts love hearts you're late that's positive sexism I can do what I want I can do what I want but I do think when and I know I probably for a 40 year old woman sound quite juvenile but it's just

you've asked me the question this is what I need I think you're basically saying I do you like when it's a very sexy photo it's a bit different it was just some friend years on the fucking beach

running around but when it's a very sexy photo and you're like oh my boyfriend has liked all of her photos it's a bit like I do you I think for me I can only is like photos. It's a bit like I do you. I think for me, I can only be my authentic self.

But that's even like when we were talking about someone's Explorer page. Like if you looked at like, if I was on his Explorer page and it was like, oh, mad shit. Like that fella that I saw his Explorer page. I'd be like, what is going on? Yeah. That would bother me. It would. Yeah.

It's like, I'll be your porn. Yeah. I'm here. I'm willing to perform. I'm sticky boots. It's like, I'll be your porn. Yeah. I'm here. I'm willing to perform on sticky boots. Penny was like, will we have phone sex? He said this to me last night

and I was like, what? I was like, what the fuck do you want me to do? I was like, I just don't want to do it. Like, I don't want to do it.

It's too much pressure. I was like, I'd rather get off the phone and watch porn. And he was like, you're like, if I want to watch sex on a screen, I'd rather be with a professional sponsor.

I don't want your amateur attempts. I was like, I'm sorry, I can't. And he was like, are you serious? I was like, well, I am actually. I'm going red now because that's exactly what I did. Yeah, you're like, I'd rather watch an episode of Motherland and something on Pornchub. Pornchub?

Pornchub. I'd rather just watch an episode of Motherland than wank yourself off in the evening. Yeah, that's just like, it's my own time. It's your own private time I don't want to feel embarrassed on the phone Like oh yeah yeah yeah Like show me your dick

Like no no No Did you show me your dick? I did show my dick Just the tip Canada If anyone Anything

Anyone Anyone I'll be in Toronto Ottawa Winnipeg Calgary Edmonton Canada if anyone anything anyone anyone I'll be in Toronto Ottawa Winnipeg Calgary Edmonton

Victoria Vancouver and Vancouver again that's it for this week we'll see you for the bonus on Wednesday thanks for listening Bye.