My Therapist Ghosted Me - Back On The Game

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Hands up if you enjoy episodes where Joanne is so hungover that she won't put her camera on?! After her tour began in Ireland, she got carried away and drank too much wine. Meanwhile, Vogue is back in London with plumbing issues and some explaining to do to her sister. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

I have never ever seen you look as good as you do today. Do you know what, right? It's when she talks, it's where she works. Okay, go. This is what they It's when she talks It's where she works Okay go You know they Do you know the way sometimes Like I watch Like in the true crime and stuff And they pixelate out

People's faces Or they blur out their faces But they Sometimes they do it really badly You're like I still can I can still fully tell Who that is

They just kind of Draw little stars Over their eyes Sometimes they're not even on their eye line there's like they've pixelated out their eyebrows you're like I still can see that person this is what they should actually do yeah so you definitely can't tell who it is it is Joanne there by the way everybody she's just uh she just looks like shite so she wants to do the pod in the dark I'm very very hungover. I tried to get out of this,

but I was assured that according to our sponsors, we are forced to work like little, we're like victims of child labor, basically. Did you try and get out of it with Jo? Because I was hoping that like, because to be honest with you, she's been hanging off me for two days. So I was like,

I wouldn't mind doing the pod later actually. And then you must, did you contact Jo and Jo said no? No, no oh that was just me I was that was a soft no you're scary so when you say no you mean no oh my god that was not even a scary no I was that was that was my no I hope she goes for it and sorts it out we're still it's not it's sorry just to explain what's happening is I'm sitting in the dark because I'm too hung over to be lit and also it's not that we're not completely devoted to our podcast we are but we're still in Christmas mode I was do you know what that was one of my things to talk about I thought I was the only one I cannot get out of Christmas mode like

the laziness like I was still in my pajamas at 10 o'clock yesterday. Do you know that's like, I'd only do that if I had some kind of disease. I don't know what's happened to me. I wasn't even this lazy over Christmas. Yeah, maybe you're just,

I mean, you do a lot of work. Maybe your body just wants you to chill. I mean, 10, you know the way I had COVID and I tell you one thing, I don't know if I'm just really lazy or it's long COVID. I'm like pulling myself

out of the bed at like the other day I slept till 10 to 1 of the day what? I know that's not like me either I know I'm not up at 7am

training with John Belton pulling strings out of my hands but I am I do get up John said you've been ghosting him I haven't me and John have a nice understanding if I don't write back i don't

want to train basically like that's it's not a ghosting it's a process it's a communication system he now he i think he enjoys getting people back on the bandwagon like yesterday amber amber who hasn't trained since like we got back to dublin she went on the she went on christmas basically and uh and he said to her yesterday she was like the girls keep making sessions when I can't make it I have a call and he's like oh no don't worry I'll just train you on your own later and she's like no I can't no sorry I can't yeah no he likes manipulating people into being trained that's kind of his thing do you know what though I said to him today I was like and he he was kind of like, yeah, that's my job. For the

first time in my life, right, I have felt muscle in the sides of my legs where that like horrible pop, they call it a saddlebag. I have saddlebags for fucking days. I actually felt some muscle tone in there. I couldn't believe it. Amazing. I wonder what they're called saddlebags. There's no horse. is it a horse thing i think you know those things that hang off the side of a horse like where you put your bits and bobs in they're called saddlebags and i definitely have saddlebags but my saddlebags have reduced i haven't even had a shower today because our water broke and we've currently got the plumber in and i know how much he is an error and he's been here for two hours like

honestly i'm gonna i i think i should just freeze how have you not managed to get a collab out of your plumber you're like the dawn of collapse I know there's no plumber collab some things in life you gotta pay for and a plumber is one of them Darren the plumber isn't ours to be on your Instagram he's like you're grand I'll just take the whole hard cash please Any house stuff you've got to pay for it unfortunately You've got to pay

Well the reason I'm sitting in the dark is was I went I did I started my tour so I was doing two shows I did two shows

a day so four shows in two days and then Vicar Street because obviously in Ireland everything closes at 8

so Vicar Street kicked me out at 8 and then I went around because obviously in Ireland everything closes at 8 so Vicar Street kicked me out at 8 and then I went around the corner to Brenda Courtney's house and we went absolutely fucking bananas

and I woke up this morning he's grey crack I woke up this morning in my mum's don't remember getting in I'm going to get a bollocking I can imagine with a full blown sandwich

in my bag like not a wrapped sandwich an open expressed sandwich there's tomatoes all over my bag. Don't know, don't remember anything.

But you must have got home quite early then if you've got a sandwich, because Spar closes at like 11. Yeah, the next day. As in like, it was, so I went back to Brendan's, stayed there, then got up the next morning, went for lunch, and then that night came home with a sandwich in my bag.

Oh my God, so you went on the piss at lunch again. Yes, Vogue. That's what real people do. Okay. That's why she's, that's why she's hobbling in the dark now, like Gollum. That's a two dayer right there. Yeah. While you sat in the bath drinking milk, like an absolute square.

I was like living my life. Joanne, listen, you, whatever. I'm just going to be calm and chill until May when all the good stuff starts happening, okay? And then I'll be back. I was going to say, and then I'll be back on the game. I wouldn't be fucking surprised with you.

Someone said to me, oh, you'd make about, you'd make about 1200 quid an hour. And I was thinking, that's actually, that's not that bad. I just wouldn't be, I'd be careful about what I'd get.

But you know what? I did that documentary on sugar babies. And I actually know, to be fair, they're all in bits. Like no one's paying you to go out with them if they're fucking Ryan Gosling. Let's be honest. I've heard fantasy stories where men get a kick out of just putting money in your account

is that true and you don't have to do anything you don't even have to wank them off nothing they just put it in and they get they then they wank about putting it in that's the thrill we've spoken about the wanking i'm just like imagine just standing there wanking well it was about wanking Boris Johnson don't get me on the sex road don't do it let's go let's pull it back I'm feeling hypersexualized today it's like it's literally half time in the morning my body knows no times it's funny gets up with the kids he's like you have a lie and i'm like okay oh spencer oh too much um so i've had a week from hell i was actually in a and e with shiji last night right no she's grand she's grand i actually felt a bit scarlet uh that I had to waste their time

but like we went to our doctor she's been sick for three days really high temperature had to sleep in bed with us just in bits like I haven't I actually had to leave her crying in the kitchen there with Spencer because uh because I left her because I can't be out of her sight and and so we took her to the doctor and then the doctor was like, she's got like a really like high heartbeat. So you have to take her to A&E. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. So we took her. For goodness sake.

Does she not know I'm in Christmas mode? This is too much. Did you have her on the Peloton again? Is that why her heart's rate was so high? Exactly. She was joining in with John Belton. But then we went to the emergency room. Actually, it wasn't so bad.

They have a special kids room. And guess what it was? Fucking tonsillitis. Do you know how embarrassed I felt? Well, I saw that on your Instagram. But is it not kind of unusual for a woman of her size to get tonsillitis? Well, will I tell you where it came from? So Amber, right? She goes in the piss piss much like yourself and she always then has some kind of an ailment you

don't have an ailment the next day but the next day amber's like oh i just i slept really badly i've really hurt my neck and and it's like you actually sound like her. Go on. Well, one day in Ireland, she woke up for, like, the fifth time being hungover, and she's like, oh, oh, I've got tonsillitis. And Spenny and I just looked at each other, and we were like, what a load of bullshit. Here she goes again. Like, she's like the boy who cried wolf.

So we were like, okay, yeah, you've got tonsillitis. Turns out she did have tonsillitis, because she would have been the one that infected Gigi and she's like she won't take she's like I didn't do that to Gigi hold on how did she was she scoring Gigi how did she pass it on she would have been maybe sharing a water bottle it's really contagious supposedly well I got tonsillitis before when was it a couple of months ago and I was absolutely riddled it was horrific I remember once when I was younger did I tell you about the time I got the I got the scratched iris

no so in school we had these like little stickleback thistle things out the back of the school do you know that this thistleback things that stick on your clothes and someone stick on people they stick on people one stuck in my eye and um i yeah i was really really sore after a couple of days i remember i'll never forget the pain it was like every time i closed my eyes it was like there was thorns in my eyeball and um my mom because she's a nurse which means basically you have to be decapitated for her to take any ailments seriously like you literally have to point to your head in a field to the left and be like and she'd be like fine we'll bring you to the hospital because it's her hospital yeah that's where she were so we're driving down on africa and she goes there better be something

wrong with your eye and i was like in agony anyway it turns out my eye was completely like fucked and i had to have to wear an eye patch and everything and i was i remember me and my back me and my mom were both so relieved that there was something serious i could have gone blind and we're like thank god because it would have been really embarrassing if there was nothing wrong with me she would have been mortified at bringing me down. There's nothing worse though than somebody who just whinges

about being sick all the time. It does get to the point where it's like, I actually don't believe you anymore. Amber though heard me, I have to be careful because I listen. She made us listen to the pod

on the way home from Vistar and we were full on bitching about her at some points. Was she giving out like she's saying we were bitching about her on the pod no because she didn't know she was going to come up and i couldn't remember and she's like i did not put all my washing in your wash basket i'm like yes you did actually let's have it out then did you see there was a tweet getting a bit of traction online about your laundry no what is it people send me stuff about you because they know you don't read your DMs. So I get requests about where you got your sofa and stuff.

I'm busy fielding all that information. Basically, there's a track. I mean, it's bordering on viral. Basically, someone's saying I dispute Vogue Williams does around laundry. It's getting a lot of likes. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Do you know, I get mails about that.

I'll tell you what. I don't do all my own laundry in london i will admit that but i do all my own laundry outside of london and honestly one day in dublin i did seven washes and that's why i was pissed off at amber i was like i'm already doing three washes a day i don't need all of your fucking towels and sheets on top of the washing i'm already doing so i do do my own washing and I'm actually a wizard. That stains too. Thank you very much.

I'm actually gonna take a picture of this. I can see you haven't even brushed your hair. This is the shit I have to put up with. Actually, what happened? The reason I'm so hungover is because I broke my detox of, as we know, I was on a detox of, I was off the wine, I was on, I was off the wine and tear oils and I was on the vodka and the quavers

and then I fell off the saddle? Seat? What did I fall off? The bandwagon? What did I fall off the wine interiors and I was on the Volcan Aquarius and then I fell off the saddle seat yeah what did I fall off the bandwagon what did I fall off Joe the bandwagon the cliff the cliff I fell off the side of the earth fell off the cliff and drank I don't know how much white wine do you know it was so embarrassing when I was in London before I came back and um I was out with my friend Susan we were walking through Soho and this guy kind of like knocked into me and he didn't

like it was quite a significant and he didn't and I turned around to kind of go sorry even though obviously he'd started it and I was like

oh he didn't say anything and I was like did you not say sorry and he's like fuck you I was like fuck you and we're like shouting at each other in the street

and I was like what's your fuck where should where's where you're going it was all very New York because I was on the white wine I'm a hooligan on white wine and then his friend goes oh my god is that Joanne McNally and I went and I went no and I ran down the street and his friend comes running after he's like it is it is you and I was like look I'm sorry about that and he's like no no it wasn't me I did knock into is, it is you. And I was like, look, I'm sorry about that. And he's like, no, no, no, it wasn't me. I didn't knock into you. And it was very embarrassing. I was like, I'm going to be angry for the white, white hooligan that I am.

Sorry, I think it's important to call people out for shit like that. I was once walking along the street up to Dalton's. We need to go back to Dalton's. I was walking up to Dalton's. And this man was walking along with his friend, just like placed his bottle, empty bottle of Diet Coke on the ground and kept walking and i was like that fucking arsehole so i picked it up and i said sorry you dropped this you left this behind and his mate was like i told you i told you not to do that litter books are the pits yeah they're the pits you've just reminded me actually i'm really

thirsty i need some diet coke hold on wait there oh god i actually can't wait to be hung over and my tongue be like a cat's tongue and just feel so sick all day in bed, just like lounging. I'm going to order a takeaway breakfast and then a takeaway lunch. Spenny and I used to do that years ago. What's happened to us? This is all absolute lies.

You'll have two vodka spritzers and you'll be like, oh God. And then you'll be fucking in your pajamas by 9pm reading yourself a story. You just forget the old me, Joanne, actually.

You go to bed early, I don't. I know, the kids kind of ruined everything. Actually, at the shows, people are making requests to hear things about Gigi

so I've started bitching about her in the show. I'm like, she's a little bitch. They're like, is she really that hostile yes it is not an act she really is that hostile Joanne if you come over here and Gigi isn't kind to you

there's definitely something wrong with you because she has started taking to everybody now like my brother waltzed in and picked her up and she was fine with it she went around the house with him didn't care I know she absolutely

loved him he has this weird way with kids I don't I don't really know why anyway um what's your oh come here to me I forgot to well you kind of know this but we never spoke about I quit horace not working on horace anymore I've got my weekends back I like I actually really enjoyed doing it but I just um oh just with the morning sickness and everything I was like I can't do this for another like six months and I wanted I wasn't taking a full day off a week like I only had like a Sunday where I'd be absolutely wrecked from getting up in the morning and I'd get home at like half nine quarter to ten but I'd still have like done like been out of the house for five or six hours and um and it's just nice to have one

full day off a week it feels kind of weird but the podcast like this is the dream this is the dream of podcasts for anyone listening does anyone listen anyone listening wants to set up hello hello is this thing on um but the podcast is so handy because you can just do it wherever whenever like i'm literally sitting in the dark in my pajamas like you know what i mean if you were in heart now you'd have to have makeup on mascara a bra you know what i mean you'd be up at the crack of dawn i am braless and faceless selling ads look at her with the diet coke you can literally just see it in the shadow sell sell sell that's me baby she's trying to hide her knickers on the fucking radiator again and my mom's place now there's no knickers on the radiator here rest assured no i'm looking at it it

looks i like she like i'm enjoying her shutters will she not kill you now for having them closed what room are you in the sitting room i should be raging you have them closed during the day that's something a mom would get embarrassed by i want to hear new year's resolutions not that I wanted to have some but uh because I quit heart um I always think that's not a nice way of saying it because you never know I might go back one day because I actually really enjoyed it but um nice save there leaving the door open I'll be back bitches. No, one of my New Year's resolutions, I'm going to take a little bit of a step back and make sure I have like at least one full day off a week every single week and like just enjoy stuff more.

I think just before Christmas, I had like work overload and it kind of like burnt me out a bit. And I think that I just need to have a better work-life balance. So that's what I'm going to work on for the New Year's. You're lighting the candle at both ends. Your plan now is to only light one end of yourself fair yeah yes exactly yeah and I'm going to obviously be a health and fitness person by the way which actually I launched my program with John on Jamondo so it's like um is that what that was yes it's 50% off at the moment you actually get access to all of my workouts and all of the Jamondo workouts, which is like 350 in total.

Ours are all, um, like it's not a pregnancy workout. People keep asking me like, to be honest, I do them, but I I've modified them because I know how to do them with John. But anyway, it's 50% off, but only for another few days. So if you want to get in there, the link is actually on my page and they're all john belton workouts obviously i'm not a trainer so um i'm just doing them with john and they're half hour 35 minutes full body weight workouts oh my god that was the longest plug of my life oh will i keep Oh, do you know what now? Do you know what now? You're not getting a code. You can shove it up your arse.

I'm too hungover to swipe anything. I can't swipe up, can't swipe sideways, can't swipe down. There'll be no swiping for me today. I saw you and John fanning around. I thought yous were doing Zumba. Zumba?

Do you remember Zumba was a thing? I said, cheers John about doing a bit doing Zumba Zumba do you remember Zumba was a thing I said cheers John about doing a bit of Zumba standard what else is going on on the internet oh I love John

he's such a nice person what other New Year's resolutions do you have I don't want to hear yours because they're just going to be bullshit go on I'm going to start

a Zumba brand with John Belton I'd like to offer 50 percent off do you know what i'm gonna do this year i've decided i'm gonna i would love to i would love to aim to go on like a date a week that's what i would love to do do you know what though i'll be honest with you that's a lot of effort like i know i even struggle to do that i know when you're living in the same house i think think, I think New Year's resolutions should be wildly aspirational

so then you meet yourself somewhere in the middle. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think so. I think that more dating would be a good thing. I think also, you don't even have to go on a date a week.

You have to go out somewhere cool, somewhere different a week. I'll join you on that in April. Actually, that's the thing. Sorry, I meant go out more, like leave the house more, go to pubs and stuff. I always meet you on that in April. Actually, that's the thing. Sorry, I meant go out more. Like, leave the house more. Go to pubs and stuff. I always meet lads in pubs. I'm great in pubs. It's where I shine.

That's exactly right. So we'll go to pubs. We'll go to fancy places. We'll go to loads of different places. And so you'll meet an array of different men. It'll be great. Yeah, but you'll have to take your wedding ring off because it's so big and they'll see it and they won't come over. That could be quite a fun night out. I'll have to take your wedding ring off because it's so big and they'll see it and they won't come over so that could be quite a fun night out

I'll have to inform Spencer that I'm leaving my wedding rings behind just to see what happens I'm at that stage now where I check men's wedding rings see what I'm dealing with

I'm like don't look don't talk to me if you're married don't even look me in the eye I've no time I'm not here for friends move aside we've enough friends

I've enough friends show me the single gargoyles down the back please. I'm not here for friends. Move aside. We've enough friends. I've enough friends. Show me the single gargoyles down the back, please. Yeah, I'm not taking on board any more friends this year. That's another resolution. I've enough. I don't.

I'm still taking on friends. I'm still accepting friendships. Really? I know you're always saying that your friendship circle is firmly closed. I'm so lucky I got in in time. I think I'm the last friend

you accepted. Proper friend. I think so. I'll tell you what, though. I'll tell you what though I'll tell you what I might accept more but that means other people have to go 100% 100% there's a few do you know what I keep doing as well like I keep unfollowing people like on Instagram and like I love it it's like it's such a thrill to me I'm like yes because like I don't want to I have so many people muted and I'm just going to do a big call soon as well if people don't want to follow me unf many people muted and I'm just going to do a big call soon as well if people don't want to follow me unfollow me I'm happy with that because I think we all

need to live our lives and if someone's annoying you like if I'm annoying you don't follow me okay I'm gonna keep doing it I was looking for I was looking for that that's the sign I needed to unfollow you cool thank you for that um there's a little green flag i needed you know don't bother i'm gonna block you okay stop i look i actually go it's so like sometimes when i'm in your basement i'm checking your stories to see what's going on upstairs i've got someone else is taking your spot in the basement megan's megan's over here. Who's Megan? Megan, my pal from Hoth. She was going to be your friend in Hoth, but you haven't moved to Hoth yet.

And now Megan lives here until next week. Oh, okay. And he's like, who else have you got moving in? I'm like, that's it for now. I have Ireland in that basement. I'd have everyone over if I could. I know. No, but I am still accepting friends, like I said.

But I think there's only so many friends you can healthily manage, really. It does affect the... Oh my God, I'm so hungover. like I said, but I think there's only so many friends you can healthily manage, really. It does affect the, oh my God, I'm so hungover, the substance of the friendships, the quality. I think that good quality friends

are more so what I'm after than just like fickly kind of friends. Yeah. A lot of people are getting a lot of DMs about the fact that Vogue doesn't follow Joe

on Insta. Do I not? Are you serious? Do I not follow no do you follow him joanne yes that's fucking shocking that actually makes it way worse i gave him a pity follow didn't i joe yeah here i'll give you a pity follow joe what is it joe what you see it's joe pod prod which makes you sound like you're oliver cromwell basically it makes it's it's like you're identifying as a Protestant so we just don't want to get involved in that shit you know what I mean we've a long history we've a bad history with you lads

Joe Protestant turncoat oh there's Joanne and her stunning lighting Jo do you know what as well this is another New Year's resolution I'm not going into that studio until you get me 15 ring lights look at the state of me look at my face since pregnancy. I'm so ugly.

I can't wait. I can't wait. Look at me. My boobs look great though. Honestly. I don't get it. Why is the baby in your face? Does the baby...

Look at that. Look at my boobs, Sean. Great boobs. Great boobs. Are they wonky? No, they're not wonky. No. They look a bit wonky there now.

Let me hoosh them and fix them. One's always bigger than the other but like like that's going from pancake like i was like going inwards that's the only good thing in pregnancy it will give you great boobs but your face is battered Joe who's your best friend cool do you know what right I want to know more about your New Year's resolutions

to be honest this year is like it's kind of it's just work it's just a lot of work and i'm just going to try and um not fall off a cliff i did two shows and ended up out for 48 hours so it's if it's i can't i can't go out for 24 hours after an hour's work that's if that's the maths this is why you were supposed to live in hoth i told i told amber that you were i was like oh amber joanne's gonna stay in hoth she's gonna told Amber that you were I was like oh Amber Joanne's going to

stay in Hoth she's gonna set the place on fire I was like that's actually a possibility it's not setting the place on fire it's called cooking okay I was actually on our walk today you're always like your topic of conversation uh I was talking to Megan and I was like ah she wouldn't even because we were talking about what Amber said and I was like, ah, she wouldn't even, because we were talking about what Amber said, and I was like, she wouldn't even cook. And Megan was like, but what does she eat?

I was like, just chicken salad sandwiches. Our old housemate moved out. There's, there's our housemate, one of the house, one of the housemates moved out. One of the housemates moved out and took the light bulb.

Is that even legal? No. She took the fucking light bulb. From her room yeah so you have a spare room I think you're gonna take the doorknob as well

what else do you want to take the toilet brush did you chip in 50p for that do you want to take that anyway when one of the other ones moved out

I went in to cook my dinner one day and the microwave was gone I was like oh well that's I just don't eat anymore fine walk back out oh my god

go to my room yeah but she it was her microwave she was entitled to take it but i just if the microwave is not there i just really it's a it's a no i just don't know how to really eat anything that's one of your sorry that's one of your new year's resolutions you're buying a house this year buying a house i am buying a house i'm gonna make i'm gonna make 20 million on this tour and then i'm gonna be able to afford a cat bed and clapham

which can be great i'm gonna buy a kennel a dog kennel for half a million that's my plan have you seen some of the shot that's on for sale over here that's so expensive it's like shocking it's shocking it's shocking same in dublin this is the thing like my mother but i think my mother bought our house for a fiver back in the day and then just sat inside did nothing just drank wine out of a box for 30 years. I know, but the houses back then, they were honestly like 25, 30 grand. I have topics I want to talk to you about, right?

Yes, let's get some sense to this shit show. Did you see the man who took out a billboard? I did, I wrote in. I applied. And I love this. I think this would be a great way of dating spotted in Birmingham this absolute legend

has taken out billboards and billboards so there's more than one and set up a website to find a wife this is like the final level of internet dating and it says

save me from an arranged marriage and he actually looks like good crack I think he seems quite nice I actually don't think there's any harm in an arranged marriage like it's basically what Hinge offers you your most compatible once't think There's any harm In an arranged marriage Like

It's basically what Hinge offers you Your most compatible Once a week Which is kind of like An arranged marriage Even though I do that in standard

Because it's a vicious hate crime Which makes you feel Like shit about yourself But You know Sometimes you need people To match your algorithms As it were

Tastes Flavors Morals Hobbies Blah blah blah Those things that other people have Sorry Joanne, this fella is a 29-year-old Muslim

guy living in London. Right? He loves food, good bands, and I know it sounds cheesy, but learning more about my own faith, you could be a Muslim. He combines his passions for Islam and entrepreneurship in what I do for a living.

And he's wearing a champion sports T-shirt. Oh, edgy. Yeah. He's quite cool. He's quite London cool. The only problem is now you're not a Muslim yet. Not a Muslim yet. But like I went to a football match for a lad once.

Yeah. I mean, I am prepared to do things outside of my comfort zone. So, you know, Charlottelotte in section city she converted to judaism and he's supposedly he's been inundated with offers well i mean it's ultimately it is just a very large public tinder profile it makes sense i still think it's absolutely shocking like i'm shocked to my core to my hungover core that i don't have more lads in my DMs. It's appalling. It's actually, it's insulting, disgusting and pathetic. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm insulted.

I know some people that I've been hitting up the dating apps over here and they have been doing pretty well for themselves. Maybe I'm just too cynical now. I think that you might be too picky to be honest. You get picky. I mean, yeah, I do have needs that need to be met. Like, I would like him to have a head. That's about it, really.

I should check the Daily Mail more to remind myself that you're pregnant because I just consistently forget. I don't know why that brings me joy, but it does. I feel like I must still be loads of crack. Yeah, and you're not showing massively. I don't see, still be allowed to crack. Yeah. And you're not showing massively. I don't see, you don't, you're not like,

you're not large really. Are you? Give us a look there. Well, I was packing for the Maldives yesterday. Yeah, you're not really that, that's the,

I was packing for the Maldives and I realized that like everything I own is a fucking crop top. And I was like, do you think I can get away with this? And I literally, I went into average. He's like, no, actually it is.

I just feel like all my cutout dresses and stuff. It's just, it's, it's not for me. Like, I love my bump this time around, but I'm not going to be going around with like this, like a slaggy like swimsuit of which I have many. I've had to update my wardrobe. I had a, I was on my walk the other day and I was having a little think about things

about life and stuff and I was like it's so weird Vogue's got a little dick in her so then when Spencer has sex with her it's like she's gotten DP'd oh god oh my god do you know when you're a girl

and you're in your mother's womb at like six weeks old you have all your eggs you'll have for your entire life it's so mad yeah there is a little willy inside me yeah and a little willy in you do you think i'd be married to that if it was a little what spenny though actually saying that i know we've spoken about this really before it is big but like he came back from a run one day and in oath and i actually had to like triple take i was like what the fuck where's it gone they they retreat so much yeah yeah actually gave me a fright i was

like where is it yeah it's so true sometimes it's so true. Sometimes it's just a little shroud. It's just a little, it's just a little. Another thing I saw right in the news, and I know you're sick of me talking about the Kardashians, but like, it's not my fault. They keep giving us so much content. So there was two things. First of all, Kanye West moved into a house across the road from Kim Kardashian. Now he's been shouting on about how much she loves her

and how much she wants to get back with her and all this kind of crap. I don't know how comfortable I'd feel with him moving across the road but you know what I find shocking I was having a I was having a flick through um you know the important news issues this morning I eat the daily mail on him it was it was it was him doing like the walk of shame from some woman's hotel room the next day he was wearing the same clothes I was like why would you I I'd find it very hard to sleep with the man who I knew was still completely in love with his ex oh 100% and just like going on and saying that like I want to get back with her I want to get back with her I know I'd be like this feels very off to me I need to know even if it's fake I need to think that the person I'm with

is into me the most even if it's not real do you know what I mean lie to my face yeah but you can they can lie and I'll believe them but he's in the papers and all he's very publicly said also did you see ben affleck saying that he drank he became an alcoholic because he was so unhappy in his marriage with jen oh what an arsehole i know i've definitely driven men to drink i'd say but they haven't publicly announced it i know but like what an absolute shite bag coming out and saying that though but like there's something a bit odd about him he's not right and especially now i think he's not right when i saw him on the beach with that back tattoo i thought no no that's not a normal person that's a real tattoo i know that's like one of those it's like one of those things that

you'd you'd wake up do you know what i mean after a night out covered in cling film you're like what happened here and then you turn around and there's like a giant what is it tigers i could have drawn it and i can't draw like i could have done that tattoo i would have said he had a blip in his like thought system but like that would have taken weeks to get that piece done i know yeah how much white wine had he had um it's like cheryl Coles though as well and she's such a gorgeous little thing and then she's just got this yoke I know but hold back it's like oh no Ben Affleck's tattoo looks like a cry for help speaking of tattoos yeah you're not gonna you're not gonna want me to do this name but I've decided to get a whopper tramp stamp I just think do you know do you want

like do you have any tattoos no I. I'm going to go really outright. Like, I'm not going to get a little crucifix. You know, the people are like, oh, I got a tattoo. And they, like, they just, it's like they just drew a cross in their wrist with a compass. I'm going to go big. Joanne, I just don't, I just don't agree with it. But it's your body. It's your choice.

Thank you. But I'm just saying you're going to regret it. And we won't be wearing belly tops for much longer. You and I. Okay. Yeah. I mean. We've got about five years left and then we're gonna have to I think I'm gonna be like one of those older like women who kind of wears sexy shit you can't it's

inappropriate you're a mother now you should be really cutting your hair into a bob at this stage I have a fucking bob look uh-oh uh-oh I'll tell you what though I re-pierced my belly button I was just bored sitting on my bed the other day and I was like oh I wonder if this would work and it did it does not look good I thought no I'm too old for that definitely too old for that yeah I'll probably go in for a back tattoo and come out with the towel ring I'll be like that's enough for me now yeah get an anklet treat yourself to an anklet get a snake head on my back or an anklet. Get an anklet. Treat yourself to an anklet. Get a snake head on my back or an anklet. Please don't. I've actually got the fear.

I do. I want it. Please don't do it when you're drunk. Don't do it when you're drunk. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No, I'll do it like when I'm thinking very clearly, basically. What is it? When men, after I've orgasmed, what's the man going to, the clarity, post-nut clarity. Yeah. When I'm thinking really clearly,

yeah. Look, come and say hi to Joanne. Look how sick. Poor Gigi. Hi, Gigi! She's not well. Aww. Tristan Thompson.

Excuse me? What a shoutbag. I thought it was so funny that he's like now that he's been proven to be the child he looks forward to raising it like he did nothing

but deny that child as his there's no coming back from that oh he's just such a shit person isn't he Joe doesn't know what's going on explain to Joe

Joe basically Khloe Kardashian were they married was she married to your man Tristan no so Khloe Kardashian was with Tristan Thompson this basketball player and they were with each other for ages ages then they were having this kid the first

kid chloe had her only kid anyway it turned out he'd been cheating on her while she was pregnant like going and getting all these girls marks the hotel room blah blah blah whatever they got they broke up they stayed together for a while no they stayed together actually through that and then he cheated with the sister's best friend so then they broke up then they were getting back together and now he's done this so also someone went back over his uh his tweets and stuff like that and on the day that he had like conceived that child with the woman he posted this lovely gushing like tributes to Chloe and I just think God how is he so gross I just I don't get it like why does he want to be with her and just go and do all that all the time but then but then deny it and then

say oh I'm never gonna do it again and then do it again like leave her alone and let her get on with her shit I mean if we cracked that we'd have literally cracked society we don't know why they do the things they do also you're dealing with a famous sportsman do you actually think he's not riding around come on then you'd want to be a bit you'd want to be a bit naive to think that they're not riding around even the non-famous sportsmen are riding around even the non-famous non-sportsmen are riding around sure you're riding around yeah everyone's riding around even the geeky golfers are riding around and what yes they are i've actually met tiger woods not like that uh but he is kind of attractive in real life power is always attractive it's the power that's attractive i think it was the power i'm attracted

to power i saw a lad driving a crane one day and I was like that's hot that's your vibe though so that is all for now remember if you'd like to send us an email you're more than welcome to just send it to We'll see you next time. Thank you.