My Therapist Ghosted Me - Beep Beep At The BAFTAs

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

You join Vogue & Joanne live from Doobs (Dubai)...To give you an idea of the situation, Joanne was hungover and Vogue was 3 coffees deep when they hit record...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster!For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Mcnally we're recording in we're in Dubai yeah we're in Dupes no Vogue where are we we're in Dupes we're in Dubai Vogue we're in Dupes please we're in Dubai

and we're in a recording studio and your man who was kind of setting us up asked us were we psychiatrists I was like

sorry and he goes is it a is it a therapy podcast and I was like yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah

I actually I actually hope Dr. Vogue Williams and Dr. Joanne Mcnally here we're like Frasier Crane, just like solving problems. I hope he's not listening to us. Psychiatric issues. I was concerned about recording this in Dubai because what if they like try and throw us out of the country? Why? Because I don't know. I feel like I'll say something wrong. No, no, no, no, no. Dubai gets a terrible reputation. However, we are doing our show tonight and there are no inflatable men.

Just lobsters. The dicks have all been removed from the show. There will be no... Yeah. No naked men. I didn't realise. Did you know there's one inflatable man that sits over to the right on your side

with a massive dick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd never noticed him. Oh, he comes home to me every night. Does he indeed, though? Does he indeed? We've had a ball. He was looking quite weathered The last time I saw him

That's Jack Someone needs to blow him up Like He's been fucking humping him I've been blowing and blowing and blowing Jack didn't come to Dubai He was not welcome So there's

It's a penis free zone this evening Yeah And respect for the local culture Joanne Joanne was saying that She'd like to live in Dubai For a while And I said

Did I say that? Yeah, you said that in the taxi. I said a lot of shit. Today? Today you said that, yeah. Sorry, can we just give today a bit of context?

So Una, who is our director and pal lifesaver we would say. Yeah, she keeps us calm.

She keeps us she keeps us calm and Una arrived yesterday morning yesterday morning and I came from Boston so I've been here She keeps us calm. And Una arrived yesterday. Yesterday morning. Yesterday morning.

And I came from Boston, so I've been here for a couple of days. And me and Una go back a very long way. She basically got me into stand-up. She got me into performing. Yeah. And so she's like me. She is a thirsty ditch pig for booze. Oh, I know.

So we always, me and Una Una we get together and we drink and we discuss everything and we fucking put the world to rights and then Vogue arrived in later and joined us

for two or three drinks and then Vogue left to go to bed and me and Una as we always do one for the road one for the road and then there's one

for the road and then there's one for the pig in the ditch and then there's one for the pig in the ditch ditch, ditch, ditch pig, pig, pig and then we're back

in my room and then we were fucking ordering olives and champagne and then there's one for the pig in the ditch ditch, ditch, ditch pig, pig, pig and then we're back in my room and then we were fucking ordering olives and champagne and then everyone was fighting there was crying the whole kitten caboodle

it was a proper night out well what actually happened was I arrived at 9 and I was like will I go to the gym 9pm and I said

will I go to the gym quickly or will I will I have a drink with Joanne I actually I made the wrong decision first of all wrong decision

was made had a drink anyway we're upstairs and Joanne's like I'm gonna come decision first of all wrong decision was made had a drink anyway we're upstairs and Joanne's like I'm going to come I'm going to leave with you and you were actually really excited to leave

by the way I felt like I had to drink my drink faster so you could leave so I did the opposite of leave I stayed stayed

stayed stayed stayed in fact I'm still there mentally I would say much to my amazement we walked to the lift together and Joanne walked back and I said Joanne yeah and I

said Joanne what are you doing she was like oh I'm just gonna and I was like you know what she's gonna just try and tell me some kind of lie I'm just leaving yeah you're better off you know when to go now I wasn't sober I wouldn't say when I got to the room and I thought a couple of drinks yeah I thought I'm gonna be now I'm gonna, I'm trying to be healthy because you're never healthy on a plane. Got home, ordered myself a giant quesadilla and chips. And I was like, that quesadilla is absolutely massive. I was like, I'm only eating half of that. Inhales the entire thing.

Good, good. And then I couldn't sleep. You need to fill your chest out. I've said that to you for a long time. You need to fill your chest out. That's going to, it's going to take a couple of chips. Can I say one thing? What? I always thought always thought to myself I was gonna get a little boob hoosh at some point in my life because I've never had boobs and I thought it'd be nice I think you'd look great with it but what what I will tell you is I can't even get shellac on my fingers because

I can't stand the feeling of it so what if I got implants and then they were stuck in me and like what what would I do I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't even handle shellac. I'm not going to be able to handle implants. Are you suggesting that you've got sensory issues because I I do. Fuck off.

No I don't like things attached to me. You've got three kids and a husband who don't leave you alone. I know that. I think you can handle tits. Oh so woke up this morning still pissed. Duvall has been incredibly boozy

and that like we all know I like a drink but this has been particularly boozy woke up this morning still pissed oh no went downstairs

this is how pissed I was walked downstairs I feel like everyone's pissed that fella that was just in here reeked of booze I had to

tell him he reeked of booze trying to be nice went outside the hotel and just went Vogue Vogue on the streets of Dubai

help because she was like Joanne we're doing the pod and I was like Vogue Vogue like you just I don't know

and now she's wearing have you seen the shades she's wearing Joanne I want okay Vogue you look like you've got river blindness I'm going to tell you one thing

you like ugly shades I like ugly shades I've been procrastinating over these shades For two years they were on sale That's not how you use the term procrastinating I was procrastinating You were percolating No I wasn't percolating I was metabolising over the shades

I honestly because I've realised right I'm a bit scabby There's two things that happened yesterday right the glasses first of all waited waited two years

to buy these and only when they went on sale I was like I'll have them now thank you very much and I'm glad I did because I got them on sale then I'm on the plane

right oh my god this is insane I got off the plane I got off the plane and I went and my phone flashed up and it's like

oh you've got to pay 6.95 a day to use the internet and all your bits and I went and my phone flashed up and it's like oh you've got to pay 6.95 a day to use the internet and all your bits and I was like euro or sterling sterling 6 pounds

95 that's 2 euro go on so I looked at my clock and I was like 9 o'clock I was like it's not worth it

finishes at 12 I'm not paying 6.95 for that 6.95 I would I would deny myself you wouldn't spend Christmas I would just would deny myself you wouldn't spend Christmas

I would deny myself the internet for 6.95 you denied yourself the world wide web I wouldn't call my kids because it's 6.95

for under a tenner and you're sitting there wearing a Rolex and a diamante is dripping off you and you wouldn't see this is the thing if you look after

the pennies right the pounds the 6.95 adds up I can't tell I don't it's a funny one because I'm not actually

wearing the glasses the whole time I was actually just doing it out of spite for Joanne she came down and said I'd frightened her I was frightened

I was like ah why is she scuba diving through the lobby did you see the tracksuit Amber was wearing what that Amber was wearing

yeah because I was frightened it's a really bad it was she looked like I saw Amber going down the slide but also

and I thought she's going to run away with that child. She looked like one of those, honestly, the track suit on her. Shiny little number, white and pink. It's the pedo uniform. It's the pedo uniform, the shiny shirt. That's how you know. It's like a uniform they wear. They've been unionized.

They all just wear the same thing. It's like a costume. Because my family are a pack of ourselves as well, we all spent the entire day laughing at her behind her back and now we're doing it publicly yeah she'll only point out about on the pot called manners yeah exactly i don't want to be a bitch i'm not a bitch i'm a pro i'm a private bitch okay so basically we're in dubai allegedly no we are here it's not allegedly we're here I flew here last night and I realised

I was confused I am terrified of flying like petrified what? since when? I don't know how it's come on

right there was a man sitting in the lounge I was in a fancy lounge there was a man sitting in the lounge and he zoomed in on our plane

right because the plane was right in front of us he zoomed in on the plane and took a picture of the pilots. And I was like, right, that's it. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I don't know, but he didn't.

But then I had him pegged as a hijacker. So the whole flight, and he was sitting two rows behind me. I was like, why was he taking a picture of the pilots? That is unusual. It was quite strange. Yeah. Do you remember that time? It was so...

And she won't mind us telling the story because well we're not going to use her name and me and her we laughed about it after so give the context wait basically this woman got in touch she dm'd me and she was just saying how disappointed she was that we were being racist on the podcast that i had said i was on a plane and that she said she said that i had said that i was nervous because I'd seen it because there was a turban that was it and that I was nervous and she was like Joanne you can't talk like that I was like what like I knew I hadn't said anything like that so I said go and talk to Joe and he listened back and I said I wasn't it was New Year's Day yeah yeah and I was like whoa whoa whoa

Joanne was terrified obviously I actually wasn't because I knew I'd never say anything like that so I was like what the fuck anyway we listened back and I said I was nervous because because there was turbulence turbulence turbulence not turbulence so I just wrote back so she god love her she'd written this huge big mail and I just went back on I said turbulence and then she was like oh oh, I'm really sorry. I know. It was kind of amazing. And then we laughed, and we laughed it off,

and it was fine. But yeah, I mean the Irish accent, sometimes it makes you sound racist, but it was an innocent mistake. And sometimes when you try to- On her part. In my defense. now before you repeatedly interrupted me

there was something I wanted to discuss sometimes when I listen back to the pod I'm like she was talking too much again about you about yourself

I will say she's still going if I'm talking too fast please slow me down I've had three coffees and I feel I feel frightened she's had three coffees

I'd love a mimosa no no no what did you do this week? Do you want to hear about my week? Because I'm dying to tell you.

Okay, go on. I went to the Baptist. Oh my God. Oh my God, yeah. I actually... So when Vogue arrived in... Beep, beep. Dubai last night.

Oh, beep, beep, beep. Have you posted that photo of your ass? I posted the picture of my ass. Oh, beep, beep, beep. Yeah. Did you see her ass joke? Don't comment. We don't want to know what you think. Go look at my ass. Oh, beep, beep, beep. Yeah. Did you see her ass, Jo? Don't comment. We don't want to know what you think.

Go look at my ass. You can comment. Stop looking at us like that, you sick bastard. Jo, her ass was... Jo, stop wanking. It's weird. Jo, put it away. Fucking hell.

But no, you looked sensational. It was an amazing dress. But I actually, I had practiced my posing before because there's a special way to pose your arse. And you actually didn't even look that dehydrated like as thirst traps go it was quite classy

I wasn't fully I was on the I could do it like 500 mils probably of water yeah yeah yeah a baraka would have done you grand to be honest

you weren't like perfect I thought I was very proud I was like look at that ass chiseled high I'll tell you what

I went to the maf this time I didn't feel like as much of a loser. Like, because it was... Why? Well, because it was... Excuse me? Fine.

Well, you're always a loser to us, though. But why did you feel like less of a loser? Well, it was more my crowd, you know? Like, the TV crowd. Well, I'm still trying to get in with that crowd a bit more. I was going to say, what TV work have we done? We don't do TV work. No one wants us on the TV.

Excuse me, I just got offered a TV show, okay? I'm not allowed to talk about it, but I did. Oh, she's something in the pipeline. I've something in the pipeline. That she's not allowed to talk about. So I work in TV now. It's, anyway. So yeah, I didn't feel like as much of a loser.

Because it's like the group that I want to be in. Like, I'm kind of on, I'm still on the outside. And there's, I just, I just find things like that. I always find a way to make myself look like an absolute loser. So you know the way you kiss people hello? So I kissed Chris Ramsey on the ear.

Oh. By accident. I just kissed him on the fucking ear. That's a very Jennifer Lawrence move. She does shit like that all the time and everyone loves her. I know and I had to apologise.

I was like I'm sorry and someone else I got someone else back of the head. I don't know how it happened but like you know the way I kissed someone on the back of the head. I know. I it happened But like You know the way I kissed someone On the back of the head

I know I know Like on the neck Softly and gently And slowly That's gross Yeah Tongue in the ear

What I know No I didn't do a tongue in the ear But I did kiss him on the ear But then But then I met somebody else And they were like Oh it's lovely to meet you

And I turned around And I was like You too I've met them three times And done a TV show with them and they forgot lovely to fucking meet you

well lovely not lovely to meet you do you know do you know what I think though I think sometimes in those situations because I'm guilty of this

I like someone I've said oh look the computer says running out of time for unlimited meetings upgrade to Zoom oh

well I'll have to call you back she's not going to upgrade she wouldn't spend a tenner on the wifi howfi which is not gonna cost me a flight she's really not gonna upgrade her zoom 695 like 20 quid on the wi-fi coming over and i was like damn no i just i went for the fiber package just whatsapp yeah you're like emergencies only i can do an sos call on the plane no baptist come on.

Baptist. You licked someone's ear. Yeah, licked someone's ear. So then another embarrassing thing I did was I, Sharon Horgan. Oh, we love her. I love Sharon Horgan. Everyone loves Sharon. But she's really cool.

She had her hair dyed this peachy colour. And I think you should do that because you can do that if you have blonde hair. And it looked really good. That's cool. I used to have pink hair for a while. Yeah, it looked really good. Anyway, I'm kind of obsessed with her

and you know when someone she's very attractive very attractive she looked really nice and I was but she was like I was about to go on the photo wall

my favourite spot sorry shouldn't say attractive we should say talented first attraction doesn't matter well she's obviously talented yeah yeah yeah

exactly she's a talented ride yeah a talented ride a talented ride so I looked over and I was about to go on the photo wall and I kept

like can you explain the photo wall to plebs like me and Jo who don't go to so the photo wall is where you go

like okay so you remember last time I had the real issue at the BAFTAs where I didn't land in the Daily Mail I didn't land

in the Daily Mail and we were all embarrassed for you fucking horrified so I tell you what I did this time I said Spencer I'm going in alone

Oh Oh wow I got some Now I did a couple with him But then I was like Go away now Go away now I wanted the wall to myself

And what happened? I landed I landed He's the dead weight Sex sells He's pulling me back I wanted to show my arse off He couldn't be

I was gonna say You had your You're gonna land If you have your arse off he couldn't be I was gonna say you had your you're gonna land if you have your arse hanging out the back of the dress come on now I was ensuring that

anyway I'd kicked him off the wall so the photo wall is basically where all the paps are and you stand there and you get your picture taken it's the only reason

you really go to the baptist for me yeah 100% and Sharon Horgan was over across the way in front of what is called the fashion cam where you walk and do of what is called the fashion cam, where you walk and do a little walk for the fashion cam.

You don't have to do it, but I did it, obviously. And I saw her, and I couldn't help but stare at her. And then I was obviously staring too long, and she waved, and I was like, she waved, she waved. Well, she had to wave. It was weird, but the amount of time I was staring at her.

Right, yeah, gotcha. So I waved back. Did you make a tit to yourself when we were in Oregon I couldn't help it I'm so I'm so

so I wish I'd gone mute like I did at the other BAFTAs I don't think I'll actually allow myself to go next time so then we were walking up the stairs

and like I kind of made a little tit on myself because I walked by her but on the way out of the BAFTAs she was still sitting there we left after the main course

because my kids got croup this weird cough and we're walking out and I saw her and I started waving again but she missed the wave. Oh no. Oh no.

So anyway that's what happened at the Baptist. Oh my God I thought something awful had happened. Sharon Horgan just waved at the wrong time. No and I just was like

caught staring her out of it and like waving furiously at her. See, Sharon's too cool for us. We're not in that gang. No, I don't think we are. At least we know our level. We know our level. Yeah.

You've dragged me down. I could have been in that gang. No, you couldn't. You thought you could have, but you couldn't. I think I could have, maybe at one stage. I absolutely loved

my dress for the Baftas it was amazing it was like a really sexy kind of sheer curtain it was like it's from a Temporally London and Carina helped me sort it

but I was actually thinking I could wear it to Glastonbury it would look amazing with Chanelingtons I know that's what I was thinking Chanel Wellington the little heel

but Spank sent me some stuff Because obviously it was like It was completely Go on I did it very well Sorry you just don't need Like there's nothing to Spank No but it was because

Like it was like You'd see all my bits If I hadn't like Worn something underneath So I had to have like And Spank's had this Really nice one Where it went really low

So I could show as much Skin as possible But uh But Karina texted me The next day And she was like Oh Spank said You can keep that

And I was like Well they bloody want me To keep it That was like Inside me At one point I was just like You're like doing a deep dive

into the buttocks to retrieve it oh yeah I'm just going to return this for the resale what Spenny Spenny was like

leave it on leave it on later and I was like because he was the spanks yeah he was really attracted to the spanks and I was like babe

you don't want me to leave this on later he was like we'll move it to the side I was like there's no't want me To leave this on later He was like We'll move it to the side I was like There's no space To do that Honestly

I had So there were obviously Like Spanx to me Like Are they kind of those The giant No they're sexy now Yeah they're obviously gone

Spanx have gone sexy No fair Yeah Spanx that I knew I don't think anyone Would be wanting to Ride through that But the thing

No no But like Because I've Like I've quite think anyone would be wanting to ride through town no no but like because I have quite a long body you do have quite a long body yeah so they were like really like up there

and like I had to keep getting Svenny was on flap watch because I was like if I get photographed with one flap I'll die

no no no but you were covered at the front no no it was like a bikini But it was a very Thin line Yeah yeah yeah

Okay Kim Kardashian makes skims And Khloe has asked her To make a bigger gusset Because she has got She has got a larger vagina Yeah yeah yeah She did mention that

To me before Yeah so flat much Was done Did you win anything I didn't win anything Why the fuck were you there? You're not even on the telly. Stop being jealous, Joanne, okay?

It doesn't seem... That shade of green does not look good on you. Why are you at the Baptist? Okay, if you got invited... Listen, it's been years. I've never been invited before. You were invited last year. No, that was also this year.

It's the same year. It's like, that's the film Baptist. I mean, I shouldn't have been there. Definitely. But don't tell me I can't go to the TV Baptist. I'd have invited to anything. Yeah, I know, but been there. Definitely. But don't tell me I can't go to the TV BAFTAs. I don't confide her to anything. Yeah, I know. But you have to kind of...

She won't ask me anywhere. I think I might have gotten my manager to do a little shove and say, come on. She's paid her dues. Let her go. Just let her go. I see.

I'm so lazy. We should go together. Yeah, I think we need to start kind of moving into the... We need to start presenting ourselves as like a duo I'll get rid of

I'll ditch Sven I'll ditch Sven 100% yeah let's run over Ant and Dec let's drive over them yeah who? I met Ant and Dec Ant and Dec

yeah I met Ant and Dec at the Baptist which one now? Ant and Dec I met one of them just one of them to this day and I must drive them

absolutely bananas couldn't not since not since they not since they blinded themselves on Biker Grove didn't one of them

shoot with the other one in the face with a pellet gun or something Joe what was that Baker one of them went blind anyway

back in the day no one can tell them apart they have a system one stands to the left and the one stands to the right well we like our sides and looking our sides work together for us you'd like to have a nice side but it was Anton's I look like a trail from the right yeah so and you were yeah I hide the moles my mole side isn't my best side I look like that man remember that truck driver that was driving in the sun and half of his face was in the sun and it was like completely different

to the other half of his face because he'd spent 30 years driving no way really yeah so that's what my male side is like but I met Ant and Dec and his wife

listens you basically meant you mean you met Ant or Dec we don't know which one yes I met I met Ant or Dec and his wife listens

to the pod no way yeah I know we need to find out which one you met Ant or Dec the smaller one Ant or Dec the one that His wife listens to the pod. No way! Yeah, I know. We need to find out which one you met. And to deck.

The smaller one. Anti-deck. The one that doesn't booze. Oh, neither of them booze now. Well, that makes it worse. They're both on the dry now, I think. They're both on the dry. No, actually, that one still probably boozes.

So I'm the boozy one then. I'm the one who's going to drive into someone. And deck. It was deck. Was it deck? Which one is it, Jo? Come on! What are you doing over there? He deck it was deck was it deck which one is it Jo come on what are you doing over there it was deck

he said it was deck it was deck so I met deck you met deck yeah so that who else did I meet I met that fella from oh my god

Speddy Speddy is obsessed with famous people like obsessed and like you know Martin Freeman

is that his name he was the Hobbit yeah yeah so he's decided is obsessed with famous people. Like, obsessed. And like, you know Martin Freeman, is that his name? He was The Hobbit. Yeah! Yeah, so he's decided he's now best friends with Martin Freeman. And so he met him at the other BAFTAs. Well, he accosted him.

So he accosted him again at this one. And he spotted Cillian Murphy. I know. And he's like, come on, we'll go up and say hello. And I was like, I'm not going up, I'm not going up to say hello to Cillian Murphy. I'm just not doing it. And I don't get the vibe that Cillian wants anyone to say hello to him. Cillian doesn't go up and say hello and I was like I'm not going up I'm not going up to say hello to Cillian Murphy I'm just not doing it

and I don't get the vibe that Cillian wants anyone to say hello Cillian doesn't want anyone to say hello to him he's not chatty that's the vibe I get

much to my absolute thrill Spenny went over on his own got burnt I completely burnt no completely

he basically stood behind him and was like whacked him on the shoulder when he's in the middle of a conversation and Cillian Murphy just turned around and was like hi and Spen and was like, whacked him on the shoulder when he's in the middle of a conversation. And Cillian Murphy just turned around and was like, hi? And Spenny was like, oh, I was thinking he wanted to get a picture.

And he was like, well done. Well done. And that's kind of it. And then he had to walk off. I was like, that was the most embarrassing thing. You can't be asking them for pictures if you want to be their friends. I don't think he wants to be their friend. I actually just think he wants the picture.

And then he was raging at me because I didn't take a picture from ten feet away I was like do you think I'm going to take a picture and Killian Murphy see me just taking pictures

behind his back like a weirdo you have to pretend like you belong there that's what I was trying to do but he wouldn't allow it Killian's a funny one very talented

amazing actor but it's you can just tell he feels it feels like he's, he's not into the nonsense of it all. No. He's not into the,

the flappy happy show busy side. He's just there for the art. Yeah, exactly. I get that. I'm surprised you went to the BAFTAs, to be honest. I know,

yeah, you wouldn't expect, he's a good looking fella, lovely eyes. He's an absolute knockout. Joanne I I have spent quite

are we recording your hard disk is almost full I don't have a hard disk it's full where's the microphone oh my week oh really

Jo do we have time? I was in America. Oh, yeah. And you didn't, did you get me the eye drops? Yes. Oh, okay. Oh, I went into the CVS canister and brought up a storm. I can tell you.

There's these eye drops. What are they called again? Lumify. Oh, my God. They make you look like you're coming up. drops what are they called again? Lumify. Oh my god. They make you look like you're coming up they're amazing. They your eyes are so shiny it looks like you've face tuned them remember you used to whiten your eyes and face tune? I've never used I have to say now I've never used face tune not from a lack of vanity I just don't know how to use it because I'm technically challenged. I used to use it and like when I look back at pictures I've practically rubbed my nose out where's your nose genetically modified back I have one time I took a really

nice photo well I thought it was really nice it wasn't of course of me and Garaud when we were in Cork on the Prosecco tour and um we were just all loved up. We were just like, just really enjoying each other. And, but the photo was really bad, but I loved the photo, but we didn't look great. Like we, there was a lot, like there was like between the two, it must be 20 chins. Do you know what I mean?

So anyway, I added a couple of filters and post it. And I was like, Joanne, we've got no nose. You filtered our features out we're just like two ghosts sitting in a hotel

lobby I'd say he looks great though amazing I have to really stop myself even with the Paris filter

because I'm so used to it now I do it when I'm doing the kids and I'm like stop Parising the kids they look so much better

yeah well I Gigi does need it now she needs a bit of juice oh but anyway so I was in Dubai Well, Gigi does need it. No, she doesn't. She needs a bit of juice. Oh, but anyway, so I was in Dubai. I'm in Dubai. No, you're in America.

You were starting in America. Oh, yeah, whatever. You're in Boston. I was in Boston. I had a really nice time. Was it warm? Boston is fucking cool. You haven't been there in years.

I thought I was a New Yorker. I think I'm a Bostonian. You're in Boston? Boston. The accent. Sexy. If you want bros, Yeah I haven't been there in years I thought I was a New York girl I'm not I think I'm a Bostonian You're Boston? Boston The accent Sexy If you want bros If you want like gym bros Oh my god

It is just full of Muscle Steroids And tattoos It is delicious I found Oh my god I found a gym

I go through phases of Basically abusing my body And phases of Like Abuse Slightly less abuse Yeah It's never

It's always getting abused It's always getting abused To some degree But anyway So I'm kind of back Looking after myself a bit Because Well just whatever

It's a good turn for you I've been on tour For literally A very long time I need to kind of Look after myself So Back out to the gym

Found this gym In Boston I'll have to stop doing that Sorry And em Went in And it was just like A random gym

But it was like A proper gym It wasn't like A fancy gym It was just like A real old school Like loads of machines And em

And fit people Like there was about Six people in it And they were like Gymnasts Like Oh yeah Ripped to fuck I find that a bit Intimidating sometimes and fit people like there was about six people in it and they were like gymnasts like oh yeah ripped to fuck

I find that a bit intimidating sometimes it was wildly intimidating yeah I felt like as we pull out our resistance bands hello

my my 2kg kettlebell yeah but like sorry can you pass me that teeny tiny dumbbell please for babies

anyway so the guy came over he's like welcome so he was like this is because there was no signage out the front

it took me ages to find the thing it was in the basement of an apartment block and I was walking doing laps of the thing anyway the guy around came over

and he's like welcome welcome and I was like oh thanks and I was like what's the deal and he's like we don't put signage

this is a professional gym so it's for like bodybuilders it's for bodybuilders so I was like oh thanks and I was like what's the deal and he's like we don't put signage this is a professional gym so it's for like oh bodybuilders it's for bodybuilders so I was like I've managed to walk in to the most intimidating gym in the land

of America and the young ones they were like there wasn't they the physique of they're bikini oh wow

model competition people yeah did I ever tell you oh god what anyway come here so I was like

come here let me finish I was like why is there no signs he goes we don't want normal people in here so how did you stay

oh my god am I and he goes no no no you're welcome you're welcome but like we just he's like basically we just don't want like a woman walking in

looking for an aerobics class he was like this is for professional people and did you stay in train? stay in train I nearly had to break up with Spencer last week I was going to ring him

about it because I was so ill when I spotted it. So I looked in his bag. He'd been shopping for Jamie's wedding and in his bag

was all of these like, what are they called? Shoe liners. What are they called? Insoles. Insoles. Heels. With heels.

And I was like, I was, I was so horrified that I was like, oh my God, we're going to have to break up. We're going to have to break up. Turns out,

Spenny got sent them by a company which is an insult in itself and he'd he'd saved them to bring to Jamie's wedding to give to Jamie

did he is he just saying that no he's not he's not going to he's not going to wear the heels Joanne don't please don't ruin a marriage

we've got three kids I think he could do with a little boost no a little boost no little kitten heel click click clicky clack clack I'd love to hear him

tapping his way through to you he does he has these little witchy boots now they're away for the summer so he won't see them

he's been vacuum packed for the season he's got little witchy boots yeah do you know what it's we're very heightest

women are well because we're large though we are we do run large we do run large but I do feel bad

for men who are challenged in that area because women can be very they're very heightest yeah they can yeah

but I think it's because like I'd love to be like thrown around the room do you know what I mean I know but it's not gonna

unless I marry like a basketballer from America it's never gonna happen I know he would he could throw you around with assistance if you got someone

else in do you know like a ping pong ball kind of one throw to the left to the right like the chuckle ball

to the chuckle to me to you to me the chuckle ball to the chuckle ball he's attempted to me to you to me to you to me to you he's attempted it and I just slide down his body

what what we've attempted to stand upright and he's trying to hold me and I just slide further further back

until my arse is on the grain. I'm like damn it I just wish that could happen for me. It's so annoying sometimes like Alan's always into like the side right he's like turn on your side I'm like Alan we've tried this 19 times. I love the side right. It doesn't work Alan whatever way you're built and I'm built it doesn't work it's the best you can read

a book to you in that kind of way I'm like does my face repulse you that much can I not just look at you for like 5 seconds

it doesn't work Alan I hope you're listening to this podcast because I'm fucking sick of trying it it doesn't work Alan

I will tell you the sidewinder if I ever don't like if I'm not really in the mood and Spenny's like oh come on I really want to

I'll literally just like roll over onto my side I know like a protest and I'm like done like a protest right I know don't talk to me

make it quick we're done I've told you that I'm I was like sometimes there's a lot of riding talk

at this point it's because we're hungover and horny so this is how hungover I was today forward slash half cut I went down for breakfast looking for you

now you know me now like I'm I read an article the other day on hyper independence I'd be hyper independent to the point where I suffer trauma alone

because I'm so used to my own company that like I can't I find it very hard to like ring anyone or reach out but I was like looking for company

this morning very bizarre that's unusual it's very unusual anyway so I went and got an anonymous I went and got

the laser hair removal oh in Dubai because I wanted a top up and the last time I had it done was in Dublin

and as we know there is nothing more degrading than laser hair removal because you're pulling yourself open like a spatchcock chicken I know and the last time I was getting it done

your one had been to Prosecco and oh yeah I didn't know that oh no yeah it was like mortifying mortifying mortifying

well did you know we're here please don't say you knew we're here no that's why I was like do you know what I'm just going to get it done inai yeah so i just want to anonymously hold myself open like it's humiliating do you know what i got it done in debbie thomas's i found out they did it there and it was the least humiliating one i've ever had really how's that i don't know it

was just really quick she didn't have a stick or anything you know when i get that stick well i with the lollipop stick your one didn't have the lollipop stick you're wondering if i pop stick yesterday and i was quite concerned because i was like how are you gonna get in there when no i'll lollipop stick did she do everywhere every oh yeah i was bent up and down and in and out like a pretzel yeah it's so quick and it's done really really good five stars five stars for the laser in your voice so i'm bald as a coot again check if mine worked actually You know hair is back Did Oh what Hair is back

Who told you that Everyone All the young people Have hair now We are A product We are women Of our generation

Which is like Hairless like Little cats What are those Asian cats What are they called Sphinx cat I'd love one of them

Hairless little I like being hairless I don't know why Hair is back Everyone's got hair again now Not me Anyway Hair is back

We're going to have to get We're going to have to get Fucking vaginal plugs In about ten years When things kick back in Well it was like brows Everyone has their Underarms

Hair and everything It's all cool It's all cool to be hairy now Each to their own But it's not really my's all cool to be hairy now Each to their own But it's not really my vibe I have to be honest But that's because We are a product

Of our generation Yeah but it's Hair loss was the trend It depends on what you like But I don't know what I like I just I just I'm just like

A victim of Societal Pressure But do you know what you like You like your own hair Pink or laser You obviously don't like hair Yeah because I Do you know what you like? You like your own hair. But I think I like... You just got lasered. You obviously don't like hair. Yeah, because I...

Do you know what I was thinking? I was... I'm not anymore. I'm obsessed with laser. I feel like it's kind of that I'm... What are you doing? I'm trying to change my watch.

I just... It's very easy for me. I can't change my own watch. There you go. You have a lot of hair on your head sorry so I grew up incredibly hairy

and I remember I was trying to remember the first time when I was in Australia when I did my kind of like travelling around in my early 20s

I didn't really enjoy it and I remember I was thinking about when I was there this time doing the tour I was thinking back to when I was there originally

I was like why didn't I enjoy it and one of the reasons I didn't really enjoy I was there this time doing the tour I was thinking back to when I was there originally I was like why didn't I enjoy it and one of the reasons I didn't really enjoy it was because you were hairy I was so hairy you're not hairy

you've got no hair on your arms nothing on my arms but I'm very hairy I was hairy from the waist hairy legs okay yeah yeah yeah thick hair

my birth father is like a head like a sheep's ass back in the day like huge big anyway that there it is that's it birth father is like a head like a sheep's ass back in the day like huge big anyway that there it is

that's it we need a mimosa she's breaking down we need a mimosa we need a reboot someone needs to switch me off and turn me back I'm broken

I'm broken in bed Joe I asked Vogue to come to Wagga the Christie, the musical with me, and she said no. And I was like, what are you talking about? You're obsessed. She was like, why would you not want to go to the stage play of Wagga the Christie? Riddle me this. What is going on with Holly Willoughby

and Philip Schofield? Is it true or are the rumours true? I feel like you would have the inside scoop. I feel I've definitely heard all the rumours around it.

What is going on? Where did it start? What's happened? Why have they fallen out? I thought they were like best friends. I know. I don't know. I don't really know what's happened.

But like I remember one time do you remember if I what's happened but like I remember one time do you remember if I was to say to you there was one time we recorded the pod and we weren't in good form with each other can you remember what it was it was only once and it was and it was strange I we were pissing each other off can you remember when and where well well I probably didn't feel it but thank you for bringing that up you definitely felt it because it was actually coming from you more than me. Oh, okay. Fine. When? What had you done?

Can you remember? No, I can't remember. Oh, come on. Think. Think. There was one time it was strange. I'm scared if I say a different time. You're like, oh, all those nine times. I'm like, what? No. Was it last summer, 25th of March? Was it the 18th of April? It was one record

That we did And I beat that And we were rubbing Each other up the wrong way For a couple of days beforehand And it was quite strained And I felt it And then a girl tweeted us

Jesus Christ I don't know Yeah I thought we had a lovely holiday No We did have a lovely holiday But there was the day The pod was strained

And a girl tweeted us Do you remember this There was actually Another time in France Do you remember that Jo There was another time in France Was there Two times So a girl tweeted us do you remember this there was actually another time in France do you remember that Jo there was another time in France was there

two times so a girl tweeted and said what she was like there's something all up there they don't say and I was like

yeah you're fucking dead right we were just we just weren't in good form we were trying to film that show we were fucking

filming all day we were up really early we couldn't no we couldn't find a room to record we had to go to a different hotel yeah it was all bananas it was a nightmare it was a nightmare it was just a really find a room To record We had to go to a different hotel Yeah it was all bananas

It was a nightmare It was a nightmare It was just a really difficult Tough day And then we had to do the bod And we were like Vogue Sorry can I

Can I interrupt you there please It was really strange So it was only one And we pulled it off Now people did notice But we did pull it off One person noticed I've said

To Vogue Many times If something were to happen And I do Vogue and me I feel like you just want to go anyway You brought this up last night As well I'm to Vogue many times If something were to happen And I do I feel like you just want to go anyway You brought this up last night as well I'm walking We'll be booking

This is it I'm walking Up to the therapy She's obsessed with us going to couples therapy I'm like Joanne So I said I said I said

I will be go anyway I mean no harm I said to Vogue I was like if something we invoke our best superpower is because we do put it up

to each other at times because you would because we're in each other's lives so much now for work and personal stuff but our superpower is we diffuse almost immediately

we had one of our first fights last week it was glorious I actually thoroughly enjoyed it I think I really do it wasn't one of our first now we've had actually really enjoyed it I think I really do it wasn't one of our first now

we've had a couple I think it lasted about six minutes six minutes you were like don't you get spicy with me

and then I was Joanne said to me you're not the boss you were acting like you were in a snotty mood I wasn't

I was like I was just I just cracked I was like I just cracked I was like I said I love you But you're not the boss You didn't say that First of all

I did You didn't start it With I love you You said you're not the boss Get the message out now Get it out I said I love you

But you're not the boss Well I don't love you And then you went Don't you get spicy with me? And then I was like, oh my God, I'm really sorry about that. And you're like, oh my God, Scarlet, me too. That was basically it.

That was a whole fight. But if I was in a situation with like Holly and Willie, Holly and... Holly and Philly. Holly, Willoughby and Philly. Philly, Scopey. I, and we had that

like your entire career is like latched into someone else I know yeah you'd have to go to couples therapy that's why I said I say to Vogue

if we were to ever get to that stage where we had a fallout that we couldn't fix you'd go to couples therapy you'd go to couples therapy I know I would

I mean they work with each other every day like we don't have to do that like imagine having to be like every day doing the same show so you're with each other like six hours a day we don't have to do that. Like, imagine having to be, like, every day doing the same show.

So you're with each other, like, six hours a day. Like, that's more time than you spend with your family. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot. I don't really know. I think that we'll know in the next couple of weeks. But, like, it does have to be handled nicely. Because you don't want anyone to be, like, upset. It's kind of the best job in telly, really.

It's the best job in TV. Well, now, saying that, like, you have to be there for five days a week it wouldn't suit me now it wouldn't suit me I'd turn it down if it came my way and it probably will I will take it

probably will I will take it I am free and available but it wouldn't it wouldn't suit Joanne so don't ask her it wouldn't suit me now

so I would be turning it down you can do dancing on ice okay I'll split it with you I don't like the restrictions it's like being in school you should be up every day crack it on in there you know

and I'm an idol I would like to say I'm a morning person I don't mean to like really push myself are you a morning person god you've never mentioned that I slept till

ten past nine this morning thank you very much I kind of hope they work it out because I like them I think they're a really good team Robert De Niro I kind of hope they work it out. Because I like them. I think they're a really good team. Robert De Niro.

How does a man... 79. Do you know what? In a way, I'm like, it's amazing that, because obviously I love my kids and I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. But like,

you kind of want to be there for your kids. And 80, like, maybe he'll be one of those people that lives to 120. We don't know. That's a let he's just like

banging it out like I but there's no does do you think a man that age is like actively riding

ejaculating I feel like he's just kind of wanking into a tube and handing it out because like you know he's 79 I can't imagine that his swimmers

would be as fast as like Spanos no well they obviously are fast because they made it they'd say they've got armbands on them at this stage now

and they're fucking struggling to get in oh god I'm fighting myself I'm so scared I wanted to talk to you about something I saw on the press

because again again yeah so we've all heard of the thruple David Hay Una He've all heard of the thruple. David Haye, Una Healy, Sian.

The thruple. The thruple. Now, what I will say, there's more to that story than you are led to believe. Indeed. And I don't think that that was a thruple. Because when you think of a thruple, you think of three people being in bed together, like a little tripod, all that kind of stuff. I don't like the way he kind of portrays things I think that he is who is he is he a boxer he's a boxer but like so he was pictured with Helen Flanagan who now everyone's like oh my god are they in the new

but like anyone who talks to him now they're like oh welcome to the thruple I know but you know he's kind of like David Hay right he said he said something oh I want to announce an unexpected opening

in our team because Una left the team and I just thought dude because I I know Una Healy

and I don't think I don't think that that's what happened now there's nothing wrong with being in a thruple either it's actually I'd call it a tripod again did a TV show about it and I don't think I don't think that that's what happened now there's nothing wrong with being in a thruple either it's actually I'd call it a tripod again did a TV show about it

and I went I know went and met all these people that like had like four or five like partners and stuff like that you basically

because I would be violently jealous you wouldn't be for me now you wouldn't be for me I think I am I I veer on the side

of monogamy yeah I think like I think it's enough for one. I think I am, I, I veer on the side of monogamy. Yeah, I think like, I think it's enough for one person. But what I do understand is, couples who are together for a very, very long time,

if you can pull off bringing someone else in to kind of, Yeah. spice it up a bit, You've actually, you've got to unlearn jealousy. Like,

how do you unlearn being jealous? Because I think we, I think you I personally probably get murdered for this think again

I'm old school I think jealousy is like because you I mean you're way more evolved than I would be you're like

bougie astrology shit because I would be I would be jealous I got a couple of stannos in the front. Hardly put them in. So got my hair cut into a bob. I was bob cured for a while. I love the bob.

I love the bob. I like it too. Now I am struggling a bit with what to do with it, but I'll find my groove. But because I had some hair loss at the front due to over bleaching because of my slag strips basically.

Yeah. And I was quite upset about the hair loss at the front due to over bleaching because of my slag strips basically yeah and I was quite upset about the hair loss at the front so by the way listeners there was absolutely no hair loss

there was folk okay so that's where I had to go in and get the laser top up because I'm taking biotin to get the hair to grow back on my head

the hair was growing back on my legs anyway and we're doing the late late on Friday when this is out we'll be on oh we're doing the

late late yeah so I wanted to have like a bit of hair for the late late. So anyway. A little steno is put in at the front. So I feel. I just feel very. You've never seen someone with more hair.

Than Joanne McNally. And now she's after adding to it. With extensions. So like. She literally has the hair of three heads. I needed. I was going to go to Turkey. Like I was like.

I have to go. I have to rebuild. The front part of my hair. Like Sue. Brophy. Who does my hair and makeup. I was like Sue. Well. Do the twisty bit at the front of the hair. And she front part of my hair. Like Sue Brophy who does my hair and makeup. I was like, Sue,

do the twisty bit at the front of the hair. And she's like, that hair is no longer there, Joanne. That is no longer possible for you. That hair is now gone. Because that was my

signature little look that we used to do for photo shoots. And she's like, you can't do it anymore, Joanne. That hair is broken off. Well, Hadley gave it back to you. Hadley gave it back to me.

So thank you, Hadley, for the gift of my fresh slag strips. She's absolutely thrilled. Thrilled. We're going on the late, late well Hadley gave it back to you Hadley gave it back to me so thank you Hadley for the gift of for the gift of my fresh slag strips she's absolutely thrilled thrilled we're going on the late late because

we have announced our fifth three arena we have to get better at plugging our tour it's gone it's not oh by the way

sorry yeah we're doing a new three arena we've got to get better at plugging our tour she's straight off on another tangent I was going to say so people are

people have been messaging me about Glasgow saying there's no tickets there are tickets what happens is venue it's so annoying but the system is i never knew that though it's an absolute melt ticket master got an allocation the venue got an allocation ticket master has run out of glaswegian tickets but the venue still has tickets the link is on our website we have a website now my therapist goes to me.ome.com with all the tour dates and all the workable, functioning links to tickets.

That you need. Exactly. And also, I got a few mails about London and we do actually have, we have an Apollo in September. We totally forgot about plugging London.

Well, one Apollo's gone. We've got a few tickets out for another Apollo. We've got, we've just put up the Brighton Dome. Yeah. And we have a bit of Liverpool,

but Liverpool is not till September as well. So we forget to do that because it's ages away. Very much forgot. Definitely go and look at the website, mtgm.com. No, mytherapistgoes2me.com. Oh, God, Christ. This is tough work, isn't it? I don't remember what do we say

you could start by saying goodbye thanks for listening goodbye thank you so much for listening we'll be back next week I've been

Dianne McNally and she has been Bo Williams Bo Gingyman don't do it you can't you can't you can't cutesy your own name

that's what other people to do I did and I will