My Therapist Ghosted Me - Begging, Bathing & A "Bean Bag Moon"

Episode Date: November 26, 2021

Vogue has got a BIG question for Joanne and the answer involves a lot of excited noises. There's dining in the bath, dancing and a renewed push on the dating apps for Joanne. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comFinally... My Therapist Ghosted Me (and Joanne!) are shortlisted for a National Comedy Award!! Please vote here: https://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/Thank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that's introduced on the basis that without an introduction, we become aimless, withering savages. This is Jo biting back as I said we don't need an intro. I think you guys should fight each other every week. I think that this podcast would be much better if it just starts. In today's episode, we have begging, bath, dining and love bites. I feel like we have a service to do for society and that is to win the comedy awards in the

podcast. We're the only ones that are two girls. that is to win the comedy awards in the podcast. We're the only ones that are two girls. We need to win that award. Now that I've passed a really hard bit, do you not feel like I want it?

I'm totally prepared to hide behind feminism in a bid to win a prize. 100% If you want to push it as a feminist act. Yeah, we do because we want the right

to vote. Let's use our vote. It's a suffragist issue. Think of the suffragettes because we want the right to vote. Let's use our vote. It's a suffragist issue. Think of the suffragettes. They'd want you to vote. They'd want you to vote. They'd want you to do it for the women.

Do it for us. Google, basically go to thenationalcomedyawards.com. Skip everyone else. Get to us. Well, I mean, you can,

like, you can do whatever you want, but get to us. Vote for us. And then, Joanne is also nominated for a National Comedy Award on her own. Well, it's not on my own or I would have won it. There are other people in the category, unfortunately.

No, there's not. Everyone vote for Joanne. Yeah, breakthrough comic. I'd like that too. I'd like them both. Do you know what? I just feel like we have to go home at one. I don't think I've ever won anything.

Not since like maybe netball or like I think of a hockey medal at home. I've never won a comedy. I've never won I don't think I've ever won anything. Not since like maybe netball or like I think of a hockey medal at home. I've never won a competition. I've never won any comedy awards ever. I want to have awards. Yeah, but how many awards have you been up for? None. Well, there you go.

Now you're going to win all of them. Yeah. And that's the way the world should be. Yeah. If we go home with none, that's so embarrassing. I know. I hope ours is first and then we can just be disappointed with you.

I'll clear some space from behind the toilet from the toilet mushrooms and place my little awards there. As a sign of personal growth. Oh, actually I did. I've won an award. Pointless.

On Pointless Celebs with Mrs Doyle. I won. Oh, I won a yoga mat with Richard Osmond's face on it on Game of Cards, House of Cards. That's winning something on Game of Cards House of Cards that's winning something

House of Games House of Games I think I pulled out of that because I was scared it would be like Mastermind and I couldn't take another hammering like that well I came

I can tell you now if I managed to win a yoga mat it certainly was not like Mastermind oh but we want the award please let us have the award no

we're not begging for the award. I just begged. I'll beg. No, Vogue, please. Marché de Hullé. I have some dignity. I have no dignity. We want English people to vote for us.

There's no point in asking them in Irish. Yeah, so I said please in English and I said Marché de Hullé in Irish. Marché de Hullé. Fuck you, you Irish bitch. Marché. Let it go. Marché de Hullé.

How do you say it? What the guailgore you are. It's Marché de Hullé. Well, I say Marché de Hullé because I'm from Hoth and you're Marché de Hullet how do you say it what the guailgore you are it's Marché de Hullet well I say Marché de Hullet because I'm from Hoth and you're Marché de Hullet

I will flag it's really it's an absolute pain in the hell to vote for those awards it is a pain in the hell it's a pain I tried to vote for myself

and lost interest halfway through and that's not a lie I was like I couldn't be arsed and then you have to verify your votes just you have to verify your votes. Just you have to verify.

Listen, I did it. It's a pain. We'll be so appreciative because even, yeah, when I was doing it, I was like,

for fuck's sake, now I have to verify this shit. I actually resent them making us beg again. Like, brand begging the first time but making us beg again. It's humiliating.

I'm humiliated but not humiliated enough to not ask it's weird but like be rest assured i am also humiliated by this process other things humiliate me but things like that don't like i'm not embarrassed to ask that because i feel like i kind of you're taking some of the heat off me so i'm begging for both of us so i'm not just a beggar alone yeah no i don't like begging for both of us. So I'm not just a beggar alone. Yeah, no, I don't like begging for, I don't like begging people.

Please, I would like that award. I'm going to change that. I don't care if I win or not now because I'm putting the link in my bio as very different to what it is. I'm editing my profile and I'm going to put in nominated for a National Comedy Awards podcast award. Yes, I'm a comedian.

I'm going to put comedian. What do you do, Vogue? Presenter, comedian. Presenter, DJ, MUA, influencer. I had to take the I actually had to take the model thing out because people were like, oh, where did you used to model? I'm like, Grafton Street.

On the lowest tracks in Grafton Street it was more like a sandwich board modelling career you know the sword shopping centre yeah there mostly walking up

and down the aisles in the eyelack I used to do these lunches right ladies that lunched and we'd go to these big charity lunches and we'd model

around the tables so you'd sashay around the tables in clothes it was just see no dignity no dignity that's me

yeah that's why you're good at begging for good for you thank you please Vogue is a comic now shoot me Louisa I'm just

wondering do you know that panel show Vogue Williams presents 8 out of 10 cats does countdown what

Vogue Williams live at the Hammersmith Apollo excuse me 8 out of 10 cats does countdown. What? Folk Williams live at the Hammersmith Apollo. Excuse me? Folk Williams Netflix special. No! I do that thing. You remember the ice skater who kneecapped the other one? That's like literally...

Tanya, wasn't it? Tanya, yeah. literally Tanya wasn't it Tanya yeah I'd like I'd Tanya I'd Tanya you oh no don't worry I definitely don't

want to be a comedian no I don't like nights that'd be a problem I mean I know you'd be like an exclusively matinee comic

matinee only I was doing a job today and she was like so what will you be wearing to all the Christmas parties? I'm like, well, if they're not in the afternoon

I won't be going. Would we not go to one Christmas party together? There's no fucking point you going, you're pregnant, there's no crap. Excuse me,

I'm five months now, nearly. Yes, you can drink again, is that what you're saying? It's cooked now, it's grand. My cousin Killian,

Killian was like to me so like how much can you drink now that you're pregnant I was like well you can't drink yeah but like like how many

like how late are we going out I'm like Killian I can't drink at all she's like she can't even have a bottle of wine I'm like

no I definitely can't have a bottle of wine can we discuss Gigi's christening oh I know yeah well I know we'd have discussed this on the pod.

She has to get christened. Did you like her outfit? Everyone was like, Joanne's going to say she looks like she's from the famine. Well, no, what I was going to say was when I opened her stories and saw her all dressed in white, I was like, if that little bitch gets married before me. I was like, who the fuck is she getting married to? Some aristocrat.

Oh, with the bonnet. I'd object. Can you explain to me, though, why is she dressed married to? Some aristocrat. Oh, with the bonnet. I'd object. Can you explain to me though why is she dressed like a Mormon? She is dressed because I think that is the cutest. Listen, as long as they're not going to say anything

about what they're wearing, that's what they're wearing. She looks like she's preparing for a life of harvesting and horse carts. What is with the little the bonnet is the best bit have you seen this show

it is hilarious oh god it's so cute I like why is she is she not a bit old to be christened now Joanne

do you remember that thing called COVID yeah and now I'm still not sure because Ireland are like are they doing restrictions or are they not doing restrictions because like everyone

is coming to Scotland for New Year's and I'm like that's the perfect time to do it everyone's in one place whoever decides not to come tough luck you're not coming

it's really hard to organise something like that so before like I want her to wear a Mormon outfit and she's not going to be able to if I don't get her christened soon they only go to a certain size

I watched her in one of those long dresses they don't do them anymore did you see her storming around the shop very not graceful in her new dress I'd love to put her in what was your ones

what was your one you used to go out with Hugh Grant Liz Hurley Liz Hurley do you remember that dress the black dress the Versace

yeah with the safety pins up the side put her in one of those I think you're right or what about a bodycon? A bodycon. Bodycon. She'd look fantastic. Slather her in bare by Vogue.

Yeah, so don't be concerned that you're not invited to the christening because I know you won't be able to come anyway. Why? Well, because it's in Glen Africa in Scotland.

I know you're in Dublin and you don't... I think I'm actually getting it on New Year's Eve. Don't worry, me and Gigi will have our own little celebration.

It reminded me of my own christening. Oh my worry, me and Gigi will have our own little, have our own little celebration. It reminded me of my own christening. Oh my God, did you have to get christened when you were old? Yeah, because I was adopted. Well,

I still am adopted because of the adoption. I loved your post, by the way, about adopted dogs. Adopted dog, I'm one. Yeah.

So, as an adopted dog myself, I can highly recommend this. Yeah, so, because of the adoption thing my parents didn't want to like invest in a christening until I was like legally theirs

and for the first three months they have you the birth mother can take you back what? I know oh my god that's terrible

I know so my mum was just obviously she was like well I'm not wasting a cake on her christenings are not cheap are not cheap no anyway so by the time I was christened I was like walking I'm not wasting a cake on her christenings are not cheap are not cheap no

anyway so by the time I was christened I was like walking around serving the drinks and all I was like in a black dress I looked like a little widow I don't know why

she had me in a black dress oh you don't like cream you wouldn't go for cream I was in a black velvet floor length gown walking around being like hey ah that's so cute though

with loads of hair I bet you were you just born with loads of hair yeah I was like a hamster. Wow. Just everywhere. That's pretty good.

Yeah. I have a question for you actually. You know, the way Gigi doesn't really like you and Theodore's a bit old now and that was really pre-Joanne. Yeah. Spenny and I have decided

that we're going to ask you to be godmother to this one. Yes, I'd love to take the baby. Oh my god. I'd love to. Woohoo. Only if it's a girl. You sound like Theodore, except he's like, I want a brother.

I'm like, what if it's a sister? I don't want it. Oh my god, I'd be absolutely honoured. And you'll have to be really nice to that child. You'll have to put in the groundwork. What if this one doesn't like you a lot? No, because I'll make sure that I bond with it.

Okay, Grant. And it's James O'Neill as well. Stop! I know. And Kieron. Hold on a second. You're the only godmother. Did you hear me mention

another girl's name? No, not yet. I've got a baby. She's got a baby. She has a baby. I can't believe I had a baby. You can keep it. I feel so bad

because I've been slagging it it I feel so bad because I've been slagging it the whole time yeah you've been slagging this kid literally since since you found out about conception oh well

they may never hear it I think that's good godparents though imagine you and James taking the baby out stop yeah like that would be the dream

where the baby going to stay with you for the weekend god absolute winner a drawer the baby going to stay with you for the weekend. God, absolute winner. What am I like, what? A drawer. Gigi is so far ahead. She talks now.

She talk? She says mama. She says dada. She says Rusty. She says amba. She says banana. Hi, she says. She's going to call me Joanna.

She's going gonna call you Joanna that's the pattern mama Joanna tell me about your week I've got a technical issue my hinge is stuck in Ireland oh shit

you're obsessed with hinge I keep shaking it to reset but it's not resetting you have to flick up and flick it off flick it off flick it to the UK.

Flick the app off. I'm raging. Like no offense to Irish lads but like there's no point dating an Irish lad. No. So I'm trying to shake it

over to the UK but I set up a new dating profile all new catfishing shots absolutely thrilled. No because my head looks like a beanbag at the moment

but in four days time I won't be a cat all new cat fishing shops because I'm on a detox I've given up the wine and the tyrols what the hell is a tyrol?

crisps oh I'm detoxing that's your favourite crisp yeah and I've swapped them for vodka and quavers and I cannot explain how good I feel

it is I'm like a new woman like my productivity is through the roof you can't have wine I'm so focused you is through the roof. You can't have wine. I'm so focused. You just can't have wine. Can't have wine.

It just sits in my face and my face looks like a moon, beanbag moon, like styrofoam. So anyway, I'm back up and running on the hinge. My dating profile is a little aggressive, but I thought,

I just get it out there. What is it aggressive? Read it to us. Oh my God, are you going to read it to us? Yeah. Did you get kicked off Raya? No, I didn't get,

Raya is... I'm not hot or famous enough to do well on Rhea, so I'm better off being on Hinge where I can make a bit of a splash. A big fish in a small pond. Exactly. I'm going big fish, small pond, you know. Couple of headshots.

Me with the mic. Me with Jonathan Ross. Show me your pictures. Oh, you got one with Jonathan Ross? No, I did not. That'd be so embarrassing. Oh, well, that's such a good talking point. No, you got one with Jonathan Ross? No, I did not. That'd be so embarrassing. Oh, I would. That's such a good talking point.

No, because it's like, no. You should get one with Winston and put it up there. I think I have one with Winston. Not the kids, obviously. I don't know what I'd say in a dating profile. I wouldn't be mentioning three kids,

that's for sure. No. Fun-loving. Single mom. No. No baggage. Fun-loving gal. No no baggage everyone has baggage now him should come with a shelf for people's baggage and then there'd be what i'd have two failed marriages

three kids well it just it depends how you kind of dress it up try and dress up two failed here i am okay so six photos none of which i look like at the moment show me the pictures i'll be honest with you i'm wearing your track suit in one of them. I like that green one. Oh, yeah, yeah. One braids and one at the end. Who the fuck is that dog? Oh, that was when I was in Greece. I don't like that dog. You look...

No, no, no. That's not... Remember I was like, Greece is so sexy. I like that you have that. Yeah. Because you're a comedian. Yeah.

That does look like you. Honestly, you look like our family. It's weird. I know, it's really weird. No, I don't think you're catfishing. Excuse me? You've two dogs and you've no Winnie. You're not barring him ever again.

I love that dog. It's so different. I found that dog at the pub. By the way, that dog would get so much shit stuck in its fur. You wouldn't love it for long. Written prompts. Okay, here's my answers to my questions.

You can choose the questions. These are the questions. One thing I'll never do again, your father. I had him on my original dating profile. It got a bit of lingo going, so I was like, I'll do it again. We're the same type of weird if

you don't mind that I rode your father. Believe it or not, I can't talk about other things than just riding your father. And then a love heart and a tricolour. Some people have their vaccine status and everything on it. Yeah. Well, they have their, like,

corona-free, like, lateral flow and stuff, I know. Like, come on. I know, but then again, like, I mean, I guess. It's a no from me. It's a no from me. I'm waiting for my third. Joe's being very quiet here. Antifactor. Antifactor. Two. He's got third. Joe's being very quiet here. Anti-factor. Anti-factor.

Two. He's got two. Why are you miming, Joe? Because he... Some people wouldn't be allowed into work if they have none. Like in Austria. Is it Austria?

So I had the most stressful two days of my life. I don't like the way the world is going. I don't like it at all. I love when she gets political. Go on. I was screeching on the phone to Barclays

again this morning because the automated bullshit bollocks they put you through so many times. I was on it for five times since yesterday morning

and by the time you get to the poor soul that answers the phone it's like, right, first of all, I am moving, bank.

And I just was like, honestly, I spent hours. And then on to my phone network. Maybe it's just got so much money, it takes them ages. That's why you have to go to like a special room, like a vault. I felt like, excuse me, do you want my business to stay here? I need to have my own personal banker.

We have a tier one client. Tier one, they're ringing bells. Tier one. Honestly, I have never. And then like, it just was the most frustrating two days of my life because I had that to do it and then I had to do it

with my phone. You know when you change over your phone. That's why I still had a phone from three seasons ago, whatever, with the iPhone. It's too much work, but now I have this

and my videos are so nice in it. I do struggle. I know what you're saying about ringing through. My issue is I find it increasingly difficult to prove that I'm human online. So you

know that like I'm convinced I'm a spam bot. So you know the way they're like, oh, tick the traffic lights or the Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I can't, I can't. It's covered, the traffic light is it's hot

like it's covered in a bush like why is it so difficult and I read it up and they're like because the computers are getting so smart it's just so

but that's why they're getting much harder they're actually getting harder remember you used to tick a box going I'm not a robot yeah when robots were thick

as shit and now they're smart and they can they're like so apparently they're talking about trying to bring in cultural things instead of visual things. Like, name this nursery rhyme.

Wasn't Humpty Dumpty about something bad, though? I know, not just the egg falling off the wall, but I think there was like a real meaning behind it. Ricky Gervais used to do a bit about Humpty Dumpty. He opened a show that where... There's nowhere in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it say that it's actually an egg. Yeah, that's so true.

I know, but everyone knows because it's the visual because you don't, kids read it along with the pictures and that's how you know it's an egg. And Humpty Dumpty

is a bloody egg anyway. But my thing about it is I just, and it's like I was in the airport the other day and this man brought me through and like he was the one looking at my passport

and I was like, do you know how nice it is that you're looking at my passport? Like I can't do that hold on I've lost I've lost the robots

the robots everything is robots so then you have to put your passport on a robot machine I just want a person I don't want to ring the bank again I don't want to like it's the worst job

of all time yeah and I spent and then I spent an hour and a half on hold yesterday and I swear to God so I got through to the guy

and he was like I have to put you through to a different area and because I was angry by the time I got on to the guy and he was like, I have to put you through to a different area and because I was angry by the time I got on to him, it was like half an hour in and he must have just thought, this little bitch,

I'll show her now. And I was on hold for another half an hour until I eventually had to give up and hang up because I was like, he's just put me on hold and no one's ever

going to answer that phone. They need to put the Bridgerton soundtrack on because it's so calming. That's what they need to do. I don't know. I had Coldplay actually and I quite like Coldplay. Not anymore.

No. Not after yesterday. That pissed me off. Eating in the bath. Some people think I'm absolutely disgusting. So I had a beef pilaf. What the hell?

It's delicious. It's from Hello Fresh. It's one of my favourite ones. I had a beef pilaf in the bath. And then the other day, I had a bacon and egg sandwich in the bath. And people are like, you're absolutely disgusting.

And I just don't see anything disgusting about it. I drink in the bath. Yeah. Oh, well, I have my milk there as well. On my tip-tap. As you're getting sponged down by your nanny. as you're getting sponged down by your nanny I don't see an issue

with drinking in the bath Jo it's so funny the phone will ring I'll answer it's Vogue and she'll be like so anyway and she'll be chatting away and I'll just hear this splashing

and I'm like are you in the bath? again like do you ever leave that bath how are you not how is your skin not like approved it's you know what

I don't usually have that many baths it's when I'm pregnant because I feel so shit all the time. I feel... A bath, if you feel sick and you've got a sore tummy, if you sit in the bath,

it really helps. It alleviates probably the weight of it as well. Yeah. Excuse me? Sorry. I wouldn't say the bacon and egg sandwich is going to make me feel any better in the bath, but there you have it.

I feel I can get loads done. So I get in the bath and then I know I can just go through my whole phone. No one will annoy me. I can have my beef pilaf and I can just chill. What is a beef pilaf? It's like a ricey, beefy thing with mango chutney and rogan

sauce and green beans. It's delicious. Marche de Hulley. Marche de Hulley. Marche. Marche de Hulley. Marche, Marchha, Marsha. Do you remember Brady Bunch and you wanted to be one of them?

I wanted to be Marsha. I never watched it. I only know the meme now when someone's being really sarcastic to someone and they go, sure, Jan. Sure, Jan. Another thing I noticed

whilst in the bath, spot bot. Oh, God. She won't get involved in this. Spot bot. Okay, right. I had, like, I sat in the bath and I was like, oh, my God. She won't get involved in this. Spot bot. Okay, right. I had like, I sat in the bath

and I was like, oh my God, ow! I didn't know what the pain was. I was sitting on a pain. I got out of the bath and just under my bum cheek was a giant spot.

I've never seen a spot there before. It reminded me of when I was younger and my brother, I once, you know, when you're younger anyway, I had a spot in my bum and I asked my mom,

I was like, what's wrong with me? What is that? Why is that there? Because I was so young. My brother overheard I had a spot in my bum and I asked my mom I was like what's wrong with me what is that why is that there because I was so young my brother overheard and called me spot bot even to this day

I don't get spot oh spotty bottom yeah spot bot still sometimes called spot bot and it just brought me back I was sitting in the bath and I was like oh my god

spot bot spot bot's back maybe you've got piles no I don't have piles I've actually where's wood I've actually never had piles somebody said that you can get piles from sitting on a wall I think that's bullshit No, I don't have piles. I've actually, where's wood? I've actually never had piles.

Somebody said that you can get piles from sitting on a wall. I think that's bullshit. And a coal, but you can get it. Okay, right. I know you don't like poo chat, so I won't get into that. But if you go to the toilet, like, and you're not like looking after yourself, that can give you piles. You're meant to put your feet up, like elevated and then go to the toilet.

See how I'm not doing toilet humor? It's just a sensible piece of pile related advice. You're going to have a glow up when this baby comes along. You're not going to know what hit you. I can't wait. I'm going to have a glow up with you.

I'm going to glow out of this place. Joe, you won't recognise me. You'll have a tight. I'm going to look absolutely fantastic. Kim and you won't recognise me. You'll have a type. I look absolutely fantastic. Kim and Pete, it's official. He is a love bite.

Last week, I know we said that we didn't fancy him at all. I don't know why. Now I think I fancy him because everybody wants him. I want him. It got me thinking though about hickeys and love bites and stuff.

And it used to be so, like you used to show off to people when you had them. It was like branding because it was basically like it was before you could actually have you were too young to have sex. Yeah. So it was on the way down. You were traveling down. You're basically going, I'm gay. Like I haven't been deflowered yet, but there's petrol in the lawnmower. Like I'm on the way. Oh, yeah. I haven't popped my cherry, but I'm licking the stem. As in I'm up for stuff. I'm up yeah i'm up for i'm up for bits yeah i'm up for bits and they you brand each other i remember one

lad i jesus christ he nearly i don't know how i didn't need a blood transfusion and this it was it was in scouts now scouts i have scouts you're in scouts well i'm so glad you think i said scouts because usually people go skates like I was in a skating club scouts so he was asking me a bit Irish accent the other day Hadley was and he was like

I was like I'm not I'm kind of posh Dublin Joanne very posh and they were like Joanne's posh

I know no she's not and I was like no she's really posh no I just I'm audibly posh yeah I'm not going to say

like we grew up with nothing but like we were you had like tennis courts and shit like we grew up with nothing but like we were you had like tennis courts and shit like we had none of that shit John fuck you don't bring that up in the pod no one knows that shit

we were just like a regular tennis tennis tennis we were regular only one court you pop out yeah I know only one fucking court

Jesus but anyway your man yeah so we were in scouts and this guy gave me a hickey and then this scout leader I remember he threw a bag of onion rings at me

he's like give them to him if he's that hungry I was like covered oh gross but then someone was telling me that apparently young ones now in discos

go around with their like frilly like with their their thong on their wrist to say like I'm open for business like for

did you hear that Jen? for sexual time? yeah I remember when people first started going like I'm open for business like for did you hear that Jen? for sexual time yeah I remember when people first started going like I didn't mind the hickeys but when lads started going up girls

did you call it topping? yeah I think so yeah and I remember like barely had a fucking nipple and I'd be like if he goes up me he's just gonna keep going and eventually reach my head

and there'd be there's just nothing there I used to shit myself he's like molesting your chin you're like yeah that feels really good keep going

oh my god when you think about the crap right there that's it do you remember Beat the Slapper can you say that anymore

god do you know what I was watching every Disney film I put on for Theodore it's like this film may have scenes of blah blah blah

blah blah blah basically things that you can't, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Basically things that you can't say anymore. Can you say Beat the Slapper? Just, I think we should just clarify, not physically, that it was, it's not a domestic abuse situation. No, you used to go to a disco and like Beat the Slapper was,

you had to go and kiss as many guys as you could and see who won. Yeah, it was vintage. Oh, it's actually so disgusting when you think about it. It's a good tradition. Just spitting all over each other

I know delicious rotten just remember those things winter party and stuff in the point and you'd go with your furry boots

and you'd be like wait wait wait how many do you score 34 how many do you I know you get your face put on a key ring

and go home oh my god them were the days the Ugg boots no we used to get like fluffy material and tie them around our legs and that was us off.

Like really bright fluffy material. We were from the head. That's what we had. I had a Neill and Denham mini skirt. Yeah, me too. Fluffy boots.

A Vera Moda yellow tank top. Blue eyeshadow, brown lips. I used to wear a bandana as a top and a bandana as a top. And a bandana on the head.

Yeah. Oh my God, that's so TLC. I know, yeah. I thought I was... You're so urban. You're so urban, Vogue. You're so street. I went to the Puff Daddy concert and I was like,

I don't know any of these songs, but whoa. When are we going to talk about the video of you hip hop dance, street dancing that your brother sent me? He's such a wank, by the way. What a dick bag. That's my new favourite word.

Dick bag. That's a good one. Frederick, if you're listening, you're a dick bag. You're a dick bag, Freddo. He sent me a video. It basically leaked leaked footage of Vogue dancing on her own and her sitting there like practicing her. Is it called street dancing? Street dance and funk.

Street dance and funk. Street dance and funk. It is so cute. Baby phone. She can take it really seriously. She can do all the moves. I was 14 and Amber had a video camera and I was like,

I'm going to record myself because I had a concert going on. I didn't know I was that bad. I think you did a really good job. It's just seriousness in the face. It's like you're trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. That was the funk. That was the funk bit, yeah.

So I recorded on my sister's camcorder and I thought I deleted it and I hadn't. And they still have it. So my brother found it and dubbed over't and they still have it so my brother found it and dubbed over it everybody loves Kung Fu Fighting that was it

was that not the original song no what was yeah the one that he sent me is you dancing to Kung Fu Fighting yeah he did that

he's such an arsehole and then he literally just showed everybody and when you're that young you're like oh my God. Social suicide. And my friends would come up to me and be like,

I'd be like, that is not funny. And then he went and sent it to you. He's still bullying me. He's still sending it around. Still doing the rounds. Like, you're going to go viral. It's very exciting. Send that back to me. I actually haven't seen that in years. I will, I will, I will. It's so funny. I'm 36 and he's still doing that shit what an art

I'm going to get him back you know what actually you're 36 yeah I know I thought you were much elder yeah my brother has bought do you know what he had

at his wedding song Titanic Star Wars Star Wars he recently spent about 300 euro on a what is that stick called

on a lightsaber saber he's 40 he spent 300 euro on it there you go I know his wife listens to it Emma

he spent 300 euro on the lightsaber an actual light like a toy a toy one of those light up sticks the sword

oh my god I know what I want that's what men in Star Wars God loser loser An actual light, like... A toy. A toy. One of those light-up sticks with the sword. Oh, my God. I know what I want. That's like Ben in Star Wars. God, I'm a loser. Loser. Obi-Wan fucking loser. I watched James Bond recently. Have you seen the new James Bond?

No. Don't bother. Two and a half hours. Who sits there for two and a half hours? I heard it was amazing. It would have been amazing in an hour and a half. Two and a half hours? No.

That's how I felt about La Miserable. About love, bite, hickey things. Apparently, Damon Albarn was in this threesome with this, I don't know. He doesn't strike me as a threesome person. No, it wasn't a threesome. It was a love triangle. Oh, okay, okay.

And apparently, with some other guy and a girl, and apparently one of the lads, I can't remember the story. Obviously, I don't know the details as all my stories go but they used to leave love bites on her at the inside of her thighs

to be like ha ha. Oh my god. Yeah. Fair play to her. Fair play to her. Well like she's getting I'd rather be her

than one of the other two. Oh yeah. I want to be the top of the triangular. Yeah. Oh actually that leads me nicely on to do you know what's been

really fucking me off in the press? Like, a lot. Go on. That story about your man Jack Grealish, Grealish, the football player. Oh, yeah. Right.

Men cheat. Not all men cheat. Some men cheat. A lot of men cheat. I know, yeah. But I've been cheated on. And if they decide to do that, that's their prerogative. If the girlfriend is staying around and wants to,

that's their prerogative. I'm not into that. I hate the way the papers, like it's literally like he has done nothing and they're just pitting all these women against each other. And it's just like constant stories

about the women. And it just really pisses me off. Why do they always get away with it? And the women are seen as like either pathetic or the homewreckers. And I find it so annoying. Yeah, it is very annoying. However, what I will say is

women tend to do that to each other as well. I think it is that, this is my feeling on it, you know this whole sisterhood thing, that it's like we kind of know that men are going to cheat or will cheat if given the opportunity. So we have to rely on each other

to not give them the opportunity to do it. So you're basically, you have to trust a stranger, a woman that you've never met in your life rather than your actual partner. I know. Because I've been,

I've seen those situations, I've been in those situations, I've seen them happen. And it's, the Hudson's just thick and the woman that he slept with is a strategic, seductress,

vampire, evil bitch. Do you know what? And he's just thick. I know, but you know, I actually got cheated on and one of the things I really regret

no accountability no they don't give no responsibility not always they don't give a shit but I did I did call that person out because I found out

after we'd broken up that there was a lot of cheating that had gone on and I saw one of the girls that he had cheated on me with

and I am raging I didn't go up to her and be like you know and then and then but you're going you're going against what you're saying then no I know but I said it to him as well And I am raging. I didn't go up to her and be like, you know, and then, and then. But you're going against what you're saying then.

No, I know. But I said it to him as well. So I was just going to be like to her, like, you knew that he was in a relationship and you still did that. And I kind of regret not doing that. And then I saw something about her and I felt, honestly, I had twitchy fingers to be like, oh, well, how would you like if he cheated on you as they say you can't wreck a home unless the man opens the door and lets you in well that is true he was a complete wanker i think everyone has to be held accountable but i think that like the person who most has to be held accountable is jack relish i just can't for any kind of cheating that's gone on ever it's

jack relish's fault i just can't understand why everyone's still so outraged by people cheating like it happens oh my. I find it outrageous. I wouldn't, it would not be, I'd be fucking furious. Well, I don't know. And even finding out after, you're still like, oh, man. So, anyway, that was one of the stories that pissed me off. Oh, so, because you were talking about cheating. I did a shout out for cheating stories.

Did you do? Oh, yeah. Did you do? Go, I like that. I have a story about being cheated on. This is one of the masters. So, you obviously found out that he was cheating, right? I acted normal, made sure he was in work, I like that. I have a story about being cheated on. This is one of the mestas. So you obviously found out that he was cheating, right?

I acted normal, made sure he was in work, went to his house, flicked a few switches and electric unit plus some other shitty things, took his passport and he had a trip booked with her,

shredded it and binned it. He couldn't get a new passport in time so it didn't go away. He still doesn't know to this day. Oh, I love it day I'm now his friend I love a bit of revenge

here we go here's what we were talking about came home from work on Christmas day to find some bitch in my kitchen drinking my coffee

he the prick introduced me to her and pretended she was an old friend I say hi and how are you he broke up with me on the following day over Facebook

and turned out he was riding the coffee drinking Christmas bitch she was like 10 years older than me so my friends christened her Granny Fanny. This is what I'm talking about.

Women going after each other. When actually, he's the dickhead. He's the arsehole. Ran into my ex's pal in the Bagot Street Inn. We've been broken up a year at this point. I asked the pal, how many times did he cheat on me? The pal responded, don't be worried about that. It's in the past.

To show I was super blasé about it. I said, go on, tell me, what are we talking, 40, 50 times? And he goes, yeah don't be worrying about that. It's in the past. To show I was super blasé about it. I said, go on, tell me. What are we talking? 40, 50 times? And he goes, yeah, I'd say about that. Oh my God. That's like every night.

What are these lads doing? Oh, this is my favourite. Why do you want to be with somebody if you just want to cheat and cheat on them all the time? Is it like a game? It's ego. It's ego.

They just want their ego stroked. I swear to God, they just see vagina. It's like a land grab. They just want to stick their flag in as many as humanly possible it's like the wild west out there oh god

here's something I would do I secretly logged into my boyfriend's Facebook account and discovered that he had been cheating on me I then had to create a fake Facebook account and build up friends

from his university to then message myself telling me that they thought I should know my boyfriend had been cheating on me to make it look like someone from his uni had told me and that I hadn't hacked

into his account that is completely something I do 100% like when I knew my boyfriend at the time

was up I knew he was up to no good and I went into his phone and found it all in there but again I couldn't yeah

it's so hurtful the girl that he was like no she's just a friend and all the conversations and the sexy selfies and everything. You just feel like such a fool. You've made an idiot out of me.

That's the thing. You feel like an idiot. You feel so disrespected and you just feel like, you know what? I'm fucking brilliant. Why did you do that to me? I know.

But then actually, as years go on and anyone who's just been cheated on recently, let me tell you, as the years go on and you who's just been cheated on recently, let me tell you, as the years go on and you look back, you'll be like thank you. Get them a thank you letter and thank them

for cheating on you. Because I'm so thankful. Yeah, and the words of our great philosopher Ariana Grande. Yeah. Next. Thank you. Next please. I was going out with a guy for only about a few months and was in his room found a pair of knickers under his bed, not mine asked him about them. He said they were his mom's. I was so naive at the time,

I just fully accepted this as a valid excuse. Again, this is something I would do. Oh, she goes, I only realized he was obviously cheating on me when I was telling my friends the story and they're like, are you thick? I had the same thing.

I was going out with a guy and I came over one time and all my shit from the bedside table was in the wardrobe. Oh no. Like, cover your tracks. Oh God, they're such dopes really like really it's in the blood my husband worked for the guy and one day he just didn't turn up to work a couple of weeks passed

and he starts work again but my husband was like hey where have you been he was like oh he's in mount joy he'd walked in on his wife cheating on him with the neighbor and he grabbed the guy to hit fight him but the man landed on him awkwardly he ended up biting the guy on his penis because he was pinned under him and that's how the guardie found him the weird part was he said he'd do it Oh my God. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast.

I... It's the podcast. I... It's the podcast. So, Miss France, which apparently is like, does really, really well. What, Miss France? Yeah, I thought all these beauty pageant things were over and done with. They do.

Yeah, Miss France is a beauty pageant. No, they all do well. Miss Ireland's still going. done with. They do. Yeah, Miss France is a beauty pageant. No, they all do well. Miss Ireland's still going. Miss Universe is a thing. Yeah, Miss Ireland. I used to, I entered it. Go on. Well, I entered it

and I was against Claudine Keane. So they used to like, like, I'm not saying she didn't deserve to beat me. I think so, Claudine. Be careful what you say. She's so nice. She is actually really nice. But she was going out with Robbie Keane at the time

so I didn't have a hope are you accusing Miss Ireland of rigging the competition yeah you should have gone for the Rosa Trulia you would have fucking cleaned up I should have gone

nah not for the Rosa Trulia doing your kung fu fighting hip hop dancing that's your talent hip hop funk hip hop funk anyway Miss France

whatever you call them contestants are getting abused because basically their Instagram, basically their Instagram profiles were, like their photos were put up on the site going, these are the people who are the contestants. And then when they turned up, they look nothing like,

because they've literally Facetuned their face. In fairness, I've seen a couple of them. It's like two different people. They're unrecognizable. Fuck it up. I mean, I used to love face tuning myself years ago

like I look at pictures and I'm like where's my nose I don't even have a nose left because I face tune out my nose you're like you can't face like there's

there's doing tweaks and then there's face tuning your head to a different frequency entirely and you're like well people change the shape and everything of their heads I know

but like you don't want to turn up and people be disappointed it's like a nipple you play you don't you don't rip it off no and people will be disappointed. It's like a nipple. You play. You don't rip it off. No.

You just gently tweak. But I see some people who just use constant, like those amazing filters that you look at yourself and you're like, fuck, I wish I looked like that. I see people who use them constantly. And then you see them in real life and you're like, oh my God. Do you want people to recoil at your face in real life?

Yeah. Do you know who's the original, the OG catfish? Who? Queen Victoria. So I've seen her. Who's Queen Victoria? Don't make this political, Jo. Okay?

Don't make this political. Queen Victoria was the one back in the day, the Victorian one. Like ages ago. Yeah, ages ago. Yeah, the one who was around, the one in Victorian times. So her Instagram versus reality version, as in like her portrait, her oil painting, the Victorian times her and she so her like Instagram

versus reality version as in like her portrait yeah her oil painting like she's basically no oil painting but in her oil painting she's an oil painting

like she looks like a babe and then the reality of what she actually looked like but listen so she used to be on the coins and she didn't let them

update her portrait so basically the portrait was of her when she was like a teen or whatever really young she's dead right she's a queen and she didn't let them update her portrait until it was like her jubilee or her when she was like a teen or whatever really young she's dead right she's a queen and she didn't have them

up to date her portrait until it was like her jubilee or something and she was like on her deathbed so she was like it's like me still using headshots

from when I used to model and live at three when I was eleven being like yeah that's me babes so they're all getting ripped out of it because they're showing up

and not looking like there's one that really was a really it's like babe it's too far it's too far it's like when Renee had the new head it's like, babe. Yeah. It's too far. It's too far. It's like when Renee had the new hat. It's too much.

I know, but I kind of love that sometimes when you like meet someone, like you meet someone in real life. It's like, like you actually get a fright because you're like, oh my God, I just didn't. That's not you. Yeah. Who is that person? Yeah. Where are your dog ears?

I thought you were an actual, you're a Labrador. What the fuck? We were an actual We were a Labrador What the fuck? I think I don't like our email I said that from day one But there's nothing we can do But that is

It's it for this week And we still have the same email So if you'd like to send us an email You're more than welcome to Just send it to Hello at mtgmpod.com I think the name of this podcast Was a huge mistake

It's too long It's actually your fault I know it's my fault It's your fault It's too long Hello at mtgmpod.com. I think the name of this podcast was a huge mistake. It's too long. It's actually your fault. I know it's my fault. It's your fault. It's too long and half the time it looks like I hosted a rapist. Doesn't it show?

Yeah. Only because you post your videos wrong. You're so bad at posting. Make sure you subscribe so that you get every episode the moment it's available. Yeah. We like the news.

We'll see you next week and also I'm on tour. Joanne's on tour. I'm on tour. I don't know if there's any Vicar Streets left. There is. There's a couple.

There's a July Vicar Streets. There's tickets for July. You're doing July as well now. Jesus Christ. Don't worry. You should put on ten more. Watch this space. Maybe three.