My Therapist Ghosted Me - Bertie, The Pen & Ketamine Therapy

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

There's a new addition in Vogue's house and Joanne's not even mentioned that she's moving in in September yet! Plus, a cat that uses the toilet and a very different kind of couples therapy.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Goes To Me with me, Joanne McNally and herself, Vogue Williams. Hello. Hello there. Hello and good morning. Hi. Good morning. You sound like, do you know that girl during lockdown who was in her knickers and then the camera came on. Do you remember her?

She threw her cap aside and put her lipstick on. Morning. No. Morning. No, I don't. Don't worry about it. I forgot about it. Just mark it.

Joanne, your morning's about to be made because Gigi just said, can I see Joanne, your morning's about to be made because Gigi just said, can I see Joanne? Hi, Gigi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Did Gigi say hello?

Did she even see Bertie? She saw Bertie. Look at Joanne, look at Bertie. Look at Bertie. She loves him. Do you want to take him back to the kitchen or will I leave him sleeping on my lap? You leave him sleeping. you want to take him back to the kitchen or will I leave him sleeping on my lap? Okay, you guys go back to the kitchen.

Bertie's a great advertisement for adopting a dog because I think a lot of people think when you adopt a dog, your only options are kind of, which I love the scraggly ones, but the kind of old scraggly ones with like one eye and they're smoking a cigarette and they've got three legs. Well, I will say the last time i went to adopt a dog was years ago and i went in

they put you in this room to like meet meet a dog and this has gone back like 10 years and the dog had no eye but it was very cute little puppy and i was cool with that i was scared that my finger was going to fall into his eye hole but so I went I went in to meet the dog into the room and then sorry did they not stuff the socket with something like was it just no and I was thinking imagine I'm hungover or something I'm petting the dog and my finger falls into his eye hole you'd have to put a bit of mala in it or something a bit of playdough something to to avoid that situation non-toxic you're thinking of the dog. But anyway,

I went in, so you go into the room to meet him and you're petting the dog and everything like that. Oh, cute dog. Sprayed shit all over the walls. Got me on the leg

and I just thought, you know what, I can handle the now eye but spraying shit everywhere just, it's not going to work. He's nervous. He's waiting to be picked.

I know. Well, he didn't go about it the right way. Come on. It depends. Maybe where he, the orphanage he grew up in, waiting to be picked I know well he he didn't go about it the right way come on it depends maybe where he the orphanage he grew up in

that was a sign of love and respect you wouldn't know different cultures I mean if I was doing Celebrity Blind Date if that was a show

that would not be my first port of call to do something like that I wouldn't imagine I'd be picked Bertie Bertie Ahern. So we obviously have Winston.

Winston could be named after Winston Churchill. He wasn't named after Winston Churchill. But anyway, and I was thinking, what could we call the new dog? Yeah. And he started like ripping all these brown envelopes open that we had just sitting on the desk. And I thought, Bertie, you are a Bertie. Great name. Jo, do you know who Bertie Ahern is, thought, Bertie, you are a Bertie. Great name. Jo, do you know

who Bertie Ahern is, Jo? Bertie Ahern, ex-T-shirt, loved a brown envelope. Yeah. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Fair play, Jo.

And my Bertie is highly attracted to businessmen as well. Yeah. Does he wear a little anorak? So mine was suit. Does he wear a little anorak? Yeah.

And he has the little hat and the wellies. And when there's a puddle, he goes and stands in the puddle and looks glum. And is he possibly running for president at some stage in the near future? Oh yeah. He's considering it, but it's crazy when he walks by a man on the street in a suit, he's just like lagging it after them. He's mad for them. Mad for a suit. So the name seated him. He's Bertie Herman. He was called Gollum. The rescue centre. Oh.

Actually I'd like to rescue centre. Many tears rescue. Now it takes a long time I will say to rescue a dog because we lost out on loads of dogs

because it's like first come first serve. And we've been trying to kind of rescue one for six months now. And they were very helpful really really good and i just think that they do an amazing job so i wanted to give them a shout out it's not an ad or anything did you pay money for bertie so you have to pay a certain fee to

take the dog because they what they do is they they um give them their first vaccination and all those yeah things so like you kind of have to pay and then you can donate to the rescue as well because obviously they get like hundreds of dogs in all the time. So adopt, don't shop. You could get a Gollum Bertie on your hands. I can't, we adopted. So my mum, obviously I'm adopted

first and foremost. Then we adopted the dog. Her name was Roxanne. Now I couldn't tell you who she was named after, but she was, remember the kind of bisexual terrier that, like, no one could control?

And terriers, by their nature, are insane, and they need loads of exercise, and we got this poor terrier. Like, not a poor terrier. She was a great terrier, but she belonged in, like, on acres of land, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She just, there was just,

it was impossible to exercise her enough. Especially my mum was living on her own and she's like 70 odd and she's not she doesn't, her days of hiking are gone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That poor dog was driven insane. Anyway, she got very

very snappy in her old age and very growly. She kind of turned on the whole family. Your mum or Roxanne? My mum. We're going to have my mum put down. Are you? She's a danger to the neighbourhood. She could just,

she's going to go for someone's leg one day and could be a child. It was only a matter of time. I knew Pat. I absolutely knew it. I told you about the time that I took a dog out of its own garden

because I thought it was lost and then brought it to the vet and the vet was like, this is the address. And it was the address I'd taken it out of the garden. Yeah. Yeah. I did that with a dog, Jason. We're all trying to do our best.

A dog, Jason. We renamed it Jason. And then its owner walked by. It was in like an estate and was like, that's my dog. Yeah. He did seem in good shape. I'd like to say I was a child. I was about 36 when I did it. But anyway. But like to say I was a child I was about 36

when I did it but anyway but like you say we're all just trying to do our best like when I I love not I love

because I would never like to see a child in distress but if I see a child on its own I'm looking around straight away to see can I save the day

by handing it in somewhere I was once in Battersea Park and there was this like she must have been like 18 months old this baby and just standing

on her own and I was like where's your mama and like she was really like was really quiet really distressed had her for about 15 minutes then

and I was like okay where is this child's parents I was with two people and they went off looking for somebody the dad then about

like I'm not joking about half an hour later, ran over. He had been standing like 200 meters away in the park having drinks with his friend. And he just did not notice that his child had wandered off. This tiny little baby. I was like, oh my. Imagine. That's a bit casual now. Bit casual.

Remember I told you that my mum used to keep me on those, that leash thing. You seem like a lead kid. Yeah, I was a lead kid. Bit casual. Remember I told you that my mum used to keep me on those that leash thing. They were like old mambraces with a lead. You seem like a lead kid. Yeah. I was a lead kid. Reins. Yeah. I was on reins because I tended to wander. Because I had an adventurous spirit. So then I was put on the reins then. Because like you'd be you wouldn't let that. One of the reasons I

wouldn't have a child or would consider not having a child. Whatever. Whatever I end up doing. God knows. Is the stress of losing them like when does that go it's going to be horrendous when do you stop worrying about losing them

well they kind of like T wants to go and do little bits and bobs on his own and he thinks that he's able to do that I'm like go to the shop T and like joking

and he thinks that he'd be able to go do you remember being in Duns with your mum Duns is like a like a supermarket. The big one. With clothes in it.

Yeah, like Sainsbury's kind of thing. And you'd like hide in between the clothes rails and I saw a meme on Instagram about like how you used to terrify your mom and you'd hear her running around the shop screaming and you'd be in the middle of the clothes rails because they'd be in this like circle. You'd be like,

you didn't do that. You were on the reins. I don't think so i think i was quite i think i was quite a well-behaved child i think i was always a nightmare i was thinking about dogs though right yes tea is well spenny's parents first of all are like really pushing the budgies on us they were trying to get tea and gg a budgie eats for our house a budgie, you're not hearing that wrong, a fucking bird a bird. What? Is that some

sort of aristocratic thing? Who the fuck? Why would you give a child a thing they can't touch? Listen, I don't know. They'll eat it. Gigi will eat it. Like it's, you can't pet it or anything. What are you supposed to do with it? My grandad used to have them. You just look at them i suppose nah they shit and piss and like

everywhere and like your house just stinks i was like i'm not getting one but he's been really obsessed with getting a cat but i read this thing about a cat that basically like if you died in your own home and no one knew and you died and you were just lying there a dog would rather starve to death than go near you whereas a cat would start eating you and it would start on the nose it'd start eating your nose and like make its way down through your whole face a cat would eat your face is what are you saying this is a fact it's a fact like give it a quick google there or you might want to check that one google it i it's a lot it is You might want to fact check that one, Jo. Google it. It's a fact.

It is a well-known fact about cats. Cats are well-known to be the companion of single women, historically. Yeah, until they die and they eat them. I'd be concerned now

that there's a lot of women's bodies that have not reappeared. They're just getting rid of the evidence to save the women the shame of getting found in their own home. Is that it? Out of interest. It does say they would do it

after a couple of days they'd eat you. Shut up! That's not true, Jo. A cat is going to save your shame. Yeah, just like disposing of the body. I don't know why it'd be a shame dying in your own home I have no idea why that would embarrass you but if it does just now

I'm so embarrassed as soon as I get to heaven because that's where I'm going I'm going to say if I died in my own home I'm so mortified so embarrassed you let me go like that God I think doesn't when there's this kind of idea which which i i don't think i ever really felt to be honest that like there was to remember people say i'll be single

forever i'll die alone and no no no and i'll be found half eaten by an alsatian was always the kind of reference i heard but obviously they mean cat imagine the litter tray Jesus Christ that thing would be piled high by the time they found your body oh stop pigs as well pigs that's why that's why

yeah pigs would eat you pigs would eat chop that body up chuck it in with the pigs they'd eat you right up it's very sustainable I used to have a cat called Monkey because she liked to climb trees

as cats do but Monkey was very self-sufficient but Monkey was like she wasn't an indoor cat do you know what i mean everyone has is an indoor cat a new thing since we've all started living in apartments because as far as i knew we all had cats growing up now i will say a lot of them took to the road and were never seen again but that was just what happened it was like you're like the best will survive like you didn't mean for it to happen but I lived on a main road growing up so we lost a couple of cats um but like they were never like house cats they'd come in and out sometimes but they'd always like to be out and about doing their

own thing well my friend Garoud's cat has never seen this he's never seen the sun he's never seen outdoors he's not he's not he doesn't go outdoors he's an apartment he's a city cat and so he has a bungee cord that he keeps him on the balcony on so he doesn't fall off and he uses the toilet yeah he uses the Joe

he uses the actual toilet no pisses on the toilet have I not told you this oh my god it's the one the one story

I haven't told Joe he knows how to use the toilet so he has he has a special seat like it's kind of risen and he puts his ass out like and pisses into the human He knows how to use the toilet. So he has a special seat. It's kind of risen. And he puts his ass out and pisses into the human adult's toilet.

He locks the door. He locks the door, flushes, uses a bit of talc on himself. Reads magazines. Off he goes. National Geographic. He could be there for hours. I didn't know what to say to you there I kind of bottled it

because it was so unusual listen I fainted before I came back in here when she said that I fainted on the ground I can't believe that I guess we just needed to wait for our time boots the cat pissing on the toilet but if you had a cat that would do that I guess we just needed to wait for our time.

Boots the cat pissing on the toilet. But if you had a cat that would do that, that would make sense because they wouldn't just be leaving like shite everywhere. But Boots put on a lot of weight. I know Garell doesn't mind me saying this. I know he's a bit sensitive about Boots weight. But Boots did put on a lot of weight.

Now, because he's never, she's never out. I think he has her on the pen. I don't know how she's after losing a load of weight now because he's never, she's never out. I think he has her on the pen. I don't know how. She's after losing a load of weight now and she hasn't left the apartment. So I don't know what he has her doing. Either she's developed

some sort of eating disorder or she's on the pen. But anyway. I think she's on a Zempic. Have you seen? I think she's on the Aussie. I like, it's the new spot,

the Zempic. It's like, there's restaurants now in LA. I never said this to you. I meant to say it to you. And I read an article about it. They have an Zempic it's like there's there's restaurants now in la i never said this i meant to say to you and i read an article about it they have an ozempic menu like it's normal all the food that they have in the menu but basically like a quarter of the size so you're not getting like because you're not as hungry you don't eat as much i know a few people on the old ozempic why is no why is no one asking me to deny i'm on the pen why haven't I had to deny it yet

I would just I'm on the wine and crisp diet no one thinks no one thinks I'm on the pen they're like come on shut up

I would just be concerned though like I know people on the pen and the problem is now they've lost

weight on the pen they've lost a couple of stone but now their doctor's saying I can't give you the pen next month because actually we've run out

for the people who really need the pen who are the diabetics and my the people I know on the pen are like but how am I going to do this

without using the pen I'm going to put the weight back on and now they're terrified it is absolutely Carol wants to lose three stone you just want to live

like come on stop being so greedy. Amy Schumer was on the pen, hated it, had to come off it. Now, I know some people that say that, yeah, they've no energy,

that they feel sick. Yeah. I mean, obviously, we're not doctors or diabetics, so our knowledge is pretty limited. You know, my mum

was a diabetic nurse and that doesn't mean she was a nurse with diabetes. I mean, she was a nurse who specialised in diabetes. Every time I was thirsty, she'd check my blood levels. Because that's a sign of being diabetic. And my mum, as we know, was not a worrier at all. No.

But she'd always give me the little blood test. And then they prick you with a pen. They prick this little, your finger. That prick is sore as well. It is sore. Yeah and um she took my blood sugar and it was through the roof and she was like for the first I for the first time she was like looked really concerned so I loved it I loved the I loved it then it turned out that I was um just I've been eating chicken with my hands chick you're oh so there was all grease on my fingers but I didn't know I didn't

tell her I've been eating chicken with my hands you see I just enjoyed the attention for a while but I knew I'd been eating chicken with my hands do you think it was just moms Irish moms Irish moms back in the day were just incapable of being in any way sympathetic like my mom would never ever like

Neil calls my mom nurse ratchet so when he goes in for an operation she's like instead of her being like oh poor Neil she's like oh she's going to be coming home morning now it's going to be mom see I'm going to and I'm like mom like he's having an operation I've never seen a man so happy to be in hospital we went in to see see him. My stepdad is completely fine. This was ages ago. And I went in. He'd made all these friends. All the nurses were looking after him.

He was having the time of his life to be away from Nurse Ratched. And then he gets back and my mom's like, Oh Jesus, he wants me to go and make him breakfast. I'm like, Mom, he makes your breakfast every day of your life. And when he's sick, you can chuck on a little piece of toast for him and leave him alone. Sandra's a woman of leisure and means, okay? She doesn't need to be running around

making teeny bits of toast for men, okay? That's not Sandra's destiny. Sandra's destiny is to float around Zara in pashminas and sailing hats. I'd be the same. If Alan was going in for an operation, I'd be like, stop wheezing, will you? He's like, I'm getting resuscitated. I'd be like, if Alan was going for an operation I'd be like stop wheezing

will you he's like I'm getting resuscitated I'd be like whatever go on I'm kind of I'm kind of

like that as well when people when people are in their deathbed for too long I'm just like come on seriously

I also I also had the flu and this has come back like a year and like it was when Amber was staying over so this has come back like a year and like it was when Amber was staying over so he didn't have

like a room and I came in one day and he was like lying in my bed and there was just this stench of sickness and I was like ugh

I'm like I've never seen someone so ill but I did just want to like flick him out of the bed it was just so grim you can only handle

a certain amount of that flick him out of the bed yeah like please stop grim you can only handle a certain amount of that flick them out before i'm like yeah like please stop diseasing all my bed sheets with your nurse nightingale over there flick them into death what was your one's name mother theresa oh he's on the cusp of death anyway just flick him over do you know that mother theresa let me get this story right now hold on i'll come back to you I'll look at the deeds I'll tell you another time

she definitely did something suspicious do you know what it was no I'll look I'll get the details I'll come back to you with that I'll come back with the more solid story there yeah I think you should she did something dodgy anyway Bitcoin something to do with that something to do with that.

Something to do with crypto or something. She's one of those, do you know what? She's one of those bots on Instagram. You know, I've changed my life around so much. Yes. Yeah. Ever since Pastor Bern, something, something. Do you know, you you can get if you like respond

it was Russell Cain was telling me a story about he responded to one of the bots like totally taking the piss out of it and he got shadow banned for like a month

for like abusing one of the bots like they're obviously not real people and if they are I've been missing a serious trick they're people

they're hacked aren't they Deirdre Cain started trying to sell me sunglasses. And I was like, oh no, Deirdre's been hacked. Deirdre O'Kane is suddenly like just only selling Ray-Bans on her page. I'm like, uh-oh. I think Deirdre's been hacked twice. I think one time she was hacked by one of those Bitcoin-y people.

And it was all, and they do main page posts all the time I was like what the fuck is she selling here oh she's back selling the Oakleys it was Rayvans last month just back pushing Oakleys now 24 hours a day 7 days a week I'm like oh they're lovely Deirdre how much for them oh my god my voice just went

poor Joanne didn't get in till half one last night thank you so much for the sympathy I was in I was this is why I'm wearing the sunglasses

anything any records before 12pm I was in Birmingham working on another project I have in the pipeline and you're allowed to talk about

she's a new podcast I don't know I don't know I don't know what it's called off table no mothering hell

yeah yeah yeah it's just me Catherine Ryan Aisling B Amy Schumer Ali Wong it's nothing to

it's nothing to worry about folk oh once it's not a comedy podcast I don't mind not at all not at all not at all would you stop just us chewing the fat

about serious issues it's just all of us trying to get our hands on the ozempic pen to be honest that's what the whole thing is like a mission so I was in Birmingham where I'm doing this other podcast as we know Vogue and I are working on other projects but we remain

committed to each other on this one for at least another four episodes I'd say for everyone cuts and runs just this series

this will be our final series one time you'll log on to Riverside FM and I just won't be here guys and you've

only yourself to blame for getting me up at 8am for barbaric record times basically I was in FM and I just won't be here guys and you've only yourselves to blame for getting me up at 8am for barbaric record times basically I was in Birmingham and I was interviewing Joe Lycett

I mean I love everyone loves Joe is it weird that I want one of his paintings no his paintings are amazing he's like

I'm desperate for a painting I'm gonna say he's like Francis Bacon not really knowing who Francis Bacon is or having seen any of his work, but that's the vibe I feel, Jo. He's a proper artiste.

I mean, he couldn't be anything less like Francis Bacon. Is he like Francis Bacon? I would say more David Hockney vibes. No. David Hockney vibes. That's who I meant. I have a Hockney. Okay.

Francis Bacon's really dark. I have a Hockney. You have the cool Hockney. You don't have a Hockney okay Francis Bacon's really dark you have do you have the pool Hockney you don't have you don't have a Hockney you have a Hockney print sorry I

I played Hockney in school sorry excuse me sorry excuse me here get in there and then get me ask him

can I buy one of his paintings go on sorry no a piano what ask him can I buy one of his paintings go on bump me up the list you absolutely can I'm going of his paintings. Go on. Sorry, no, a piano. What? Ask him can I buy one of his paintings. Go on, bump me up the list.

You absolutely can. I'm going to put my name on the list for paintings as well. I'm going to ask. I mean, this is probably my most narcissistic request. I'm going to ask if he'll do a portrait of me. I'm going to ask if he'll paint me like one of his Birmingham women. I always think... Just chain smoke him with a little plug beside him. I always think that's a chain smoke my little plug beside you

I always think that's a dangerous thing to ask somebody I think that like there's been quite a few occasions where I have been like

for one of my weddings I my friends thought it would be a really nice idea to get a portrait of me in the groom I won't say which one I'm just saying

to say I looked which one is it which one could it be which one could And to say, to say I looked. Which one is it? Which one could it be? Which one could it be? Keep an eye on the balls. Keep an eye on the balls. I got, I got,

I got given it on the day of my wedding and I went into a deep, deep depression. I was like, is that honestly what my chin looks like? Like I had just this, I know I have a large mouth, but like the whole jaw was like extended and like one of those dogs, you know, the ones that has the like like I had just this I know I have a large mouth but like the whole jaw was like

extended and like one of those dogs you know the ones that has the underbite like I looked it was a yeah they did was it a caricature like were they intentionally exaggerating

your features no it was meant to be a normal no it was meant to be a normal picture so you could if you if you had Joe Lysett doing a picture of you you

could actually your friendship could go down the swanny. So get him to do a portrait of me. Thank you. I might do like the brides do for their big day. I might see if we can do like a rehearsal painting. Do you know what I mean? Like, just like, give us a gauge here. Can I just get like kind of tits eyes?

Yeah. I mean, he's not a busy man. He won't mind. He's not a busy man. He's nothing else. He's't mind. He's not a busy man. He's nothing at. He's nothing at. He's nothing at. But yeah, you're right.

He is a proper artist. Anyway, I was over chatting to him. Everyone loves Joe. Everyone loves Joe Lycett. Just walking around Birmingham, everyone's like, Joe, Joe. He's like the king of Beham. I'd marry him.

Okay? I would. Yeah, he'd probably marry you to be honest well again get the ball we'll start with the painting we won't go in hard start with the painting and then we'll like trickle in like oh vogue was looking to like expand her horizons he doesn't know what we're talking about and then we'll just kind of go in like be cool about it john okay yeah a hundred percent But I had a lovely day with Joe. He's a dream. Yeah, he's great, Greg.

My other podcast, basically, we're like six episodes in, they're like, okay, we're going to need someone famous on this. Joe likes it. I was like, absolutely.

Bring Joe. Wheel Joe in. That's why I was in Birmingham late. Me and Joe went for loads of sushi after. We had a gorgeous evening. Hence why I was in Birmingham late. Me and Joe went for a load of sushi after. We had a gorgeous evening. Hence why I am wearing sunglasses at an 8am record. And I wasn't out of control. We had a couple of bottles.

Nothing massive. Bottle and a half. Nothing huge. Nothing huge. I walked myself onto the plane. I wasn't dragged off in Bernie or anything. And I only had two space jeans. And I came home at a normal hour.

I was in bed by two, just to say. In bed by two, up at eight, I'd feel like such levels of anxiety for myself today. I wouldn't be able to cope with that. Knowing that I'd only... 7.50am I was up and I was on... Are you going to go back to bed, is what I want to know. No, because I'm going on my holidays today.

I'm off to San Sebastian. San Sebastian. Sanny B, as you'd call it. That would be nice and fancy no Sanny S what shut up

Sanny S Sanny S I literally have snot on my arm by the way because like honestly my kids just

and I smell like dog shit all the time as well because the puppy keeps playing everywhere I'm off for two weeks of wine and tapas I tell you

I'll be fucking I'll be on the black web looking for the pen at the end of those two weeks I can tell you it's going to be a pen week oh come here

I forgot to tell you I've made plans for next year for us I've decided I's going to be a pen week. Oh, come here to me. I forgot to tell you. I've made plans for next year for us. I've decided I'm going to the Fringe with you next year. I really want to go to the Fringe. Oh my, I think you'd love it. Really, I really, really do. I think you'd have a ball. So basically, especially now that you are a performer in the arts.

Oh, thank you very much. An arts performer. You're a performer now. I always felt like I was ever since I hit the stages, blew the arts. Oh, thank you very much. An arts performer. You're a performer now. I always felt like I was ever since I hit the stages, blew the bear. I feel like I've always been made to perform.

I think I would die laughing, which hopefully is the way I'll go. If you went up with the fringe show and you're just in one of these shit like free fringe rooms with like that smells of vomit because it's a nightclub

during the rest of the year on the door begging for money I'll tell you the free fringe is where they make the money because they don't have the overheads and they have

the free fringe I remember the one I went to my first free fringe show they have like a card tapper thing at the door and all did you though

did you have to go around selling your show I can't imagine you got up in the morning and went around selling your shows well you wouldn't there was no one up

in the morning but your show's on at evening yeah i'd flower for two three hours before my show stop it yeah babe yeah joanna's put in fucking core and i i remember the first year when i was there bite me no one wanted to go well no in fairness that's actually not true it did okay i think i actually broke even the first year so it did okay but that's because i was flyering so much and then if people weren't coming in I just give I just go up to people I thought would like the show and I just give them tickets just ask them

to come in so the rooms were full and then some of those people still come to shows now some of them don't but some of them do you know you're building an audience that's what you're doing up there really and trying to get better on with your better show together so best show I saw up there

I saw loads of good shows loads of good shows the place I got it's I've never been there as just a punter before it is so overwhelming

like the amount of shows I respect the hustle so much and I am including myself in that because when you're in it you're just in this bubble and you don't you're just working so hard

the whole time and all you can think about is your own show so when you're up there you see other people too and you're like it's bubble you don't you're just working so hard the whole time and all you can think about is your own show so when you're up there you see other people too and you're like it's a fucking beast of a thing but it's amazing

biggest cultural festival in the world how many times how many shows did you go to eight nine maybe that's amazing

yeah it was great it was great crack we kind of crammed them in you're a bit it's you know show show show what about did you go see that fella

Josh Jones because we had this guy Josh Jones doing warm up for our ghosted show in Cardiff and he is like

right up my street I think he is so funny he's really funny I didn't actually see his show damn sorry Josh I did see he was putting on

extra shows though and I was like fair play that's a great sign it means he's selling out plus I'd seen him in Cardiff and stuff but he is so funny 12 stars for Josh Jones I thought because I really want to go to

the Fringe with you I don't think you'd be impressed with my I know but I'm a one hit wonder I can't day drink two days in a row I just can't do it, my body won't allow it It's not my fault We can still do the fringe together I think you can

No we can't, sorry you said that now I'm sorry I tried to fudge it out there But my voice went really high I felt like I needed to be honest Because I knew that you wouldn't be impressed We can still go, we can still have a really't be impressed No sorry that's not going to happen I went to see Meg's daughter

from Hacks, do you know Meg's daughter? She's kind of like an alternative comic I guess you'd call her Loved it You'd know her online, she's the girl who does the videos She kind of went viral during Pride she was pretending to be these brands who were pretending to be gay for Pride and then the rest of the year they kind of went viral from during pride she was pretending to be these brands who were pretending

to be gay for pride and then the rest of the year they kind of hate the gays it's really she's really funny and then just from doing her online videos she got a role in hacks and personally I think she steals the show again absolutely hilarious but I went to see a show called retrospective so there's this kind of school of clowning in uh hollywood from my understanding where people do these clowning courses and then they put these shows together and they travel the world with them and so there was one of those shows called retrospective claire werner i think her name was and it's not stand-up i call it again it's kind of like observed clowning it's the only way i know how to describe it because i don't know what i'm talking about but it was the best thing I've ever seen

if you're ever anywhere in retrospective at a town hall near you or a theatre near you, 28 stars from me loved it. Yeah that sounds amazing it just sounds like you had a really really nice time a really good time and we

ate and drank the city dry and we were up till 4am and just loved it and oh and a special thank you to my wild city apartments

for hosting me that looked nice really nice so those apartments yeah they're like and they've little cute

little smeg kettles and little dishwashers in the rooms obviously not used at all by us we just ate out of trucks for four days but you nicked one of the kettles and bring it home of course I did after I boiled my knickers in it you know me Vogue in the rooms obviously not used at all by us we just ate out of trucks for four days but

you nicked one of the kettles and bring it home of course I did after I boiled my knickers in it you know me Vogue can't waste a kettle really nice

and it's like because usually when I do Edinburgh I'm staying out in the sticks because you're there for the month and you're trying to save money

so staying we were staying in like hay markets no grass market square it was stunning so thank you Sam as well I was like next little do they know next year i'll be staying there for the month would you do that would you do the fringe again yeah i will now i would never do the month again i don't think it's just too long there's it's i just wouldn't um i would do

i'll do two weeks next year and i'll do it i'll either do i think it'll probably be some sort of work in progress vibe and then i'll do a week of looking at shows and then i'll do a weeks next year and I'll do it. I'll either do, I think it'll probably be some sort of work in progress-y vibe and then I'll do a week of looking at shows and then I'll do a two week run. That would be, that's kind of what I have in my head. Ooh, that's a good idea.

Yeah. So you can come up, yeah, you come up and spend a couple of days with me while I'm doing my show and we can go and see other shows. Exactly. Yeah.

I'll go see your show and I'll write notes for you. I would love that. Come on, This wasn't... Yeah. One and a half stars in Vogue Williams who's now writing

for Chortle magazine. It's probably the best review Chortle have ever given me to be honest. Sometimes people get, you're like, that was unsolicited advice we would say.

What do we say? Unsolicited. Yeah, when someone's like, oh well, it's like oh well it's like no I didn't actually ask you yeah I know and the thing is

sometimes people will say stuff just because they want to be heard to have an opinion on it you're like it's not the time babe it's usually men

not Emily though not Emily it's usually men when men when men kind of come in with a note for the show me and me Vogue and Una

our eyes just kind of close over and we all just shuffle out and bitch about them in the alleyway. It's like, oh, thanks for that, Patrick. Thanks for that note about that thing you know nothing about, you prick. After having 17,000 drinks and then thinking, you know, stop slurring your note up. Patrick, how's your stage career going? Oh, yeah, thought so.

Patrick. Patrick is an amalgamation of men who've given us notes after shows who have nothing to do with comedy or theatre. Isn't that right, Patrick? Good old Paddy. So I went to a wedding

last weekend. Go on. And you know, I honestly have an allergic reaction to an invite to a wedding. It all begins when the invitation comes in the door and I'm like, oh God, I immediately tense up. And I'm like, how am I going to get out of it? I weigh up my options. If I genuinely can't get out of it, I'll then spend the next six

months thinking about the fact that I have to go to a wedding in six months time because I hate going to weddings. Anyway, the day of the wedding comes up and the night before the wedding, I was really sick, like really sick with this virus in my stomach that's finally gone. But I was like, I can't pull out of the wedding because everybody knows I don't like going to weddings so then they'll say she's only pulling it. Anyway,

got to the wedding. Didn't I have the time of my life? I had the best time. It was full of, it was in Gloucestershire in Gloucestershire Gloucestershire Yeah

Gloucestershire Yeah And it was full of Sound people I had a great time It was a lovely day And I feel like I've now turned a corner

I met a man there His hands I actually Go on Yeah Bit of news Will we get will we buy a hat

well I did say I've now turned a corner I love weddings I met a man there and I actually spotted him across spotted him across the room go on

because he had the biggest hands I've ever seen in my life like I was looking at him and I was thinking how did he get those through that blazer

they were that big, turns out he was a farmer, very good with his hand yeah he said he could hold lots of things great in sandcastle competition, much like myself spade hands yeah spade hands and yeah I had a lovely time And it made me think

You know what I've spent too long Worrying about going to this wedding When actually I've had a great time So I've signed up To two more It's always the same

Once you leave the house You have a ball It's just Convincing yourself To leave the house That is so true And then It's like festivals

I'm like Oh god Build it all up in my head. Oh my God, the logistics. I had queuing. Then you get there and you're like, I never want to leave. I'm having the absolute time of my life.

Oh my God, are you telling me I should go to Electric Picnic for one day because Amber's been trying to convince me and I think this was the kick I needed. A hundred percent. Jo! I'm going to have a great time. When's your wedding?

We'd love to go. No, we already know. Do we'd love to go No we already No Do we not want to go What is it Joe we'd love to go When is it We're in the mood Yeah Joe we'd love to go

I miss my best girlfriend I'm moving in in September She's moving in in September She's just Fantastic Listen before you say I never tell you stuff I fucking didn't know

either till this very second I'm only coming I'm only coming for a week or two I can tell her yeah she's only coming for a few weeks Benny's thrilled he'd have you for any amount of time because he thinks you're really cool

for some reason I was thinking about weddings and it made me quite sad because this week which we haven't spoken about Brittany Brittany's getting divorced she is It made me quite sad because this week, which we haven't spoken about, Brittany.

Brittany's getting divorced. She is. Poor Brittany can't cut a break. We're all a bit worried, really, aren't we? I know. It feels like, was he kind of keeping a lid on things? Was he making it worse? We don't know.

We don't know. She's kind of gone a bit off the rails again now. Did you see her out? She was out for a night out with her friends. I know, I just feel so bad for her, but I have heard things about him that he, he has, like, he's come out saying that he's like really embarrassing things

he could be saying about Britney, but he's keeping quiet to be nice. It's like, come on, everyone has embarrassing things they can say about us. Like, let's, let's be honest. I know, like like oh my god like i i need everyone to sign an nda everyone i've ever met did you see the glow up that he had did you see the before and after photos of him i know but like i don't know do you know i'm not gonna

say anything mean about him because i don't know yet but like he supposedly has been saying some awful things but you never know if it's true but he seemed to have helped her at a time when she was really like needing help. A big time. I heard, I say I heard, like obviously I'm reading this on the same sites that you are, that he, when she came out of her conservatorship, he said he just couldn't handle the kind of the free Britney. That's the angle I heard. And that he's been kind of threatening her with stuff. But then he's come out and said he's not threatening her with stuff. He just wants to move on.

And then he doesn't get a penny in that prenup. Not a penny. You need to speak to her solicitor. Not a penny will he get, apparently. What's that lawyer's name? It's too late for you actually But I need to Jo you need to speak

To that solicitor Too late for Jo Jo's married Joanne it's only you It's only me guys Speak to that solicitor Speak to that solicitor That's kind of amazing

Like so they obviously Did marry for love If you're not If you're not marrying for But I feel like They always get something You know Didn't Kevin

Kevin Federline is like Was whinging that his Like monthly payments were being cut to twenty thousand dollars a month what are you spending twenty thousand dollars a month on like seriously i know how many hats have we sold now four or five hats six hats no one's gonna no one's gonna no one's gonna pay any of that money that 35 cents is yours that's it he so he doesn't get a payout and he doesn't get any type of spousal support wow she accused him of leaving her alone and not talking to her for months before

the breakup i mean we all do that before a breakup you're desperately trying to get away from them oh i know there's the long goodbye you just kind of pull away it's the worst part it's the worst time of the relationship obviously when they're when they're not in love with you anymore and they won't look you in the eye and they're trying to ride all your mates you're like something just feels off something's different about you it's the worst you said that thing in the group that um couples who have expensive weddings are more likely to get divorced did you know that you sent that in I sent that in it kind of makes sense the bigger the bigger rigmarole of the day itself the less chance you have of the marriage lasting and I was like yeah because I feel like look I don't know the exact psychology behind it but if you're making more of the event than

than the actual relationship like the reality of getting the reality of living your life also if you're making a huge day of the event you're probably a bit of a show pony which means you have a couple of weddings in you nothing wrong with that just saying well i mean i don't mean to add myself to this statistic but i am part of that my first wedding spent loads of money on the first wedding second wedding spent like like we were very lucky that we got to use spenny's parents house but we had like 20 people at it that wasn't actually meant to be our wedding that was meant to be like our registry office wedding and then we're going to have a big party but we loved that one

so much that we were like we actually don't need to do that um unless the tv show pays us to do it which we did do that I was at that I was at the TV one I was at the TV wedding which is the only one that matters It's very romantical but it is true because the first wedding was very expensive so got divorced didn't last not expensive

still going there You're the face of that theory You're the living reality of that theory we'll call it vogue syndrome i feel like it's very it's very important to have a nice wedding if you want if that's what you want but i also think why don't you put that money towards a mortgage and get a house and not be paying off a wedding that's going to cost you 50 grand like you're basically paying you're paying for everybody else just basically what I'm saying is look after yourself and fuck everyone else she's gone from I can't she's

gone from giving giving to Scrooge in literally 38 seconds well I can say now I'm never getting married because like I say no one's getting their hands on that 35 cent that I made off the merch they can go go fuck themselves that's mine now it's all yours yeah i know i'm just i'm a i'm a woman of means now so there is a way that you can save your marriage these days and it's uh it's this it's this new therapy that people are doing like you know the way people go for couples therapies and it mightn't always work because like you're just chatting through problems there's a new couple therapy where you can go and do ketamine and you can go and do MDMA. Joe, why are you snarling?

It's been clinically proven. If I want to get into a K-hole with Spenny to sort out my relationship, that's what I'll do. I was in couples therapy all weekend. Fucking wrecked. But we've never been stronger. He's not here, but. That's so funny. You're just in a K-hole.

Giovanni, all right. I'm in couples therapy. I'm working through something with my partner. He doesn't exist. At this, all right, ketamine can break harmful patterns, improve their sex lives.

More couples are giving psychedelics combined with therapy to confront their issues. I just feel if I had to get into a K-hole to stay with someone I'd probably just leave and go into a K-hole on my own. Do you know what I mean?

This just isn't working out anymore. The K didn't help. If this is going to take a K-hole to fix I'm out. Joanne, you're just like you just don't give you're just not trying.

I'm just not trying. You're just like you just don't give you're just not trying I'm just not trying you're just giving up that's all and thanks yeah that's it thanks for listening thank you very much for listening we've had a lovely time

today we've had a really lovely time with you a really fantastic lovely time really good are you on the CBD you seem very zen

is this the meditating I think it's I think zen Is this the meditating? I think it's I think it's Yes The meditating Or else it's these Anxiety tablets That I take

What are they now? Little beta blocker For breakfast? Yes please A little beta weighty Little beta B While we have you Our autumnal

ghosted tour kicks off soon we have tickets left for Brighton Bristol Liverpool London

London London Belfast we don't have all those we have one London we have a few Apollo left like very few on one date

in London who's looking after this website it's a fucking shamble we have Dublin Apollo left Like very few On one date in London But we need to Who's looking after This website It's a fucking shamble We have Dublin Mayo We keep forgetting About mayo

We've mayo We've sorry We've We've Mayo And And Kerry

Say mayo again You need to start You need to start Doing these You need to start Carrie say Mayo again you need to start you need to start doing these you need to start pulling your weight around here can't leave all the

hard style to me at the end but we love it so much I would not take that away from the listeners not a hope in hell would I take you promoting anything

away from them I'm a natural that's the shows you have left and all the tickets are on my therapistghostly. from them I'm a natural That's the shows you have left And all the tickets Are on my Carpusghostly.com And I'm too embarrassed

To push Prosecco In Dubai anymore Because Prosecco I'll do that It is what it is now Whoever's there Is there now

There's nothing else I can do I've given it all I've given it my all Head over to Prosecco Express Joanne McNally's Going to be playing For one night only September 2nd

And if you're not in Dubai Think about coming over. Go to Dubai. Don't be lazy about it. It's only a short trip. Support women in comedy. Support Joanne. Support me personally.

And if you can't make it, I've set up a GoFundMe. Just pop the money in there. Thank you.