My Therapist Ghosted Me - Body Hair, Budgie Smugglers & Lilo Danger

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

Don't fall asleep on a lilo in the sea! Joanne says it's dangerous and you know you can trust in her research. Meanwhile, Vogue's been up at the crack of dawn for a swimming lesson and she's getting ready to take her brood to meet Joanne in Ibiza! If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally, and herself, Vogue Williams. Isn't that funny? You went bob, I went long hair. I literally get to a point and I'm like, oh God, I'm bored of my hair again and I just throw other people's hair in my head. But that's the crack. I love being able to do that. Oh my God, the bob is so much nicer on you. But I did find it fascinating, right?

Like when I'm on my holidays, there is no way I'd be going to get my hair done or going to get my nails done. To be honest, what happened was, well, I'm here for nearly three weeks, right? And, you know, I love a bit of grooming. But what was actually happening was we were all down on it. Sorry, excuse me, you've taken a three-week holiday? Well, it's not really because I was working in between, blah, blah, blah.

But what I'm saying is we were going for a lovely dinner one of the nights with John. Because John Belton lives here, obviously, with his fiancée, Adrienne. Anyway, so this woman, Lucia, contacted me. she runs this very successful salon in the Algarve and she's Irish and she was like listen why don't you come in and so my plan was to go in for a curly blow dry the day at the dinner yeah but then I'm doing this Love Island after show thing and I was like I need a haircut anyway yeah went in she say I cannot recommend this woman enough. I'm obsessed with her. Do you know what I mean? Somebody like, I'm obsessed with you.

Obsessed. I don't know in what way. I'm like. Did she do your nails as well? Yeah. Look at the nail. Well, Tabitha, the nail technician in there did the nails, but her name's Lucia. It's Lucia.

Her style is in the eye. She had, she, she listens to the pod. So she brought me out a glass of wine. So big. I'm not messing. You could have put a fish in it. She'd tato crisps. We could have had her hair painted black and she'd still be so good.

She is the best. Good. She is the best. I was kind of emotional leaving to know and you've like a real day. And you know, you know, those hairstylists that you just like within seven seconds, like we've already talked about our fertility Do you know when you have like a real day? And do you know, you know those hairstylists that you just, like within seven seconds,

like we've already talked about our fertility, you know, like, you know, we just went, yeah, we just went deep. It's such a gorgeous day. So shout out to Lucia. And she did my hair,

she did my mate Nikki's hair as well. And I was like, come here Lucia, whatever about me, Nikki's hair's in bits. So you're going to be there to bring someone else in from her hair, very frizzy

because she's living in the Algar, very frizzy Walter's very hard over there I know, I was enjoying your mug I was thinking that's not a Joanne mug you'd know she's away I drink coffees now the size of a Petit Falou that's what we do out here in the Algar Alan's turned you

I absolutely love your hair I have to say it's nice isn't it very fancy you've gone Bob I've gone long so what's the crack show it's how long have you gone well Hadley

because Hadley does my hair in like five seconds sometimes I'm like I'm bored now and he literally just comes over and I've got long hair within the hour but is that

is that someone else's hair how do steno's work so steno's are the best thing in the world remember you were trying to get Hadley to give you stannos. I had to tell him he wasn't allowed to give you stannos. Because you already have all the hair in the world.

Yeah, no, it was a silly idea. I get the tape ones stuck into my hair because I just find them easier. Because I get bored so quick. Well, I did a radio thing for Roz Purcell recently. And she has a fantastic stano. But it's clipping. Because she had a bit of out but it's clipping because she started

she had a bit of alopecia off the back of having the tapes so she just has this clipping thing and I was like the clip why wouldn't you just go clips

because I would I used to go clips and I used to take them out wash them and hang them on the radiators around my house they looked terrible but like

I find that having these in my hair my hair has actually gotten in better condition really yeah because I find that having these in my hair my hair has actually gotten in better condition really? yeah because I'm not styling like my own hair

it's just this other hair that I have in that I'm styling I've had stenos for like 15 years my hair is perfect you just have to get good people

to put them in and out you'll be grand yeah yeah yeah that's true isn't it mad the way hair on head encouraged hair on eyes encouraged yes hair everywhere else

on body not encouraged not encouraged and actually long eyelashes no pubes no pubes i don't like a pube i don't my friend one of my friends i'm not gonna say she is because you know we've learned that we can't really talk about anyone so i was saying I was going in to go for the full like laser alopecia from the eyebrows down kind of thing yeah and um she was like I just think that's like weird and I was like why and she was like because it makes you it infantilizes you it makes you like a child and I was like I guess it's a fashion so I don't know what I'm going to do if hair comes back in we can always get it tattooed on

or something like that it'd be great yeah we'll be off we'll be off to Turkey listen if you want to get a hair extension pubes

I can get that sorted for you no we'll just get a transplant no one wants that I do not did you see Chrissy Teigen she got some eyebrow transplant recently

but I don't want any I just don't like a pube. I don't even like the word. I know, but that's, that's kind of on us. Like if we were super, if we were proper feminists,

we'd be fucking covered in hair. No. Because we'd be like, no, I'm not going to grow. I was actually reading this really interesting article about Victoria's Secret Models, Victoria's Secret Models,

no, Victoria's Secrets, whatever it's called, Victoria's Secrets. And they were saying how, Secret Models, no, Victoria Secrets, whatever it's called, Victoria Secrets. And they were saying how when they started, it was this marketing trick where they,

it was a man who set up the business because he wanted a woman in lingerie, but their marketing strategy was to make out like that it was empowering for the woman where actually it was just to be attractive to the man. But they made the women think,

oh, I'm doing this for myself actually. But they were like, yeah, that was just a lie. We just said that to women to buy the knickers and you gotta think about this shit you gotta think about these things so that's why we're flat out fucking waxing ourselves upright down and left and center it's the patriarchy joe i was only talking about hair yesterday and because i noticed the hair on my legs glistening in the sunshine because uh it's blonde and i forget that it's there. So I never shave it.

But like, I honestly hate the feeling of hair. But yeah, but you're, we're brainwashed. Like we have to deny we are brainwashed. It's a fashion thing. In seventies, the bush was in or in the seventies, it's now it's like. What was the bush ever in? I'm just saying. If I was going down to visit the basement floor, I would not want to be greeted with like a pile

of fucking pubes in my face but that's because you've been brainwashed by Glamour magazine I'm telling you now okay okay if somebody sprinkled your eggs with hair would you eat that no one wants to eat hair

that is the worst analogy I've ever heard yeah would you eat that no you no one wants to eat hair that is the worst analogy I've ever heard yeah standing up in a debate well if you put a wig on an egg no one would eat it

so I rest my case yeah so there you go I'm right no one wants and I know it's not just about like going down

on people but like that is a big part of like some people's lives totally what are you trying to what are you trying to say not just about like going down on people, but like that is a big part of like some people's lives. Totally. Why are you trying to get, why are you trying to say this time, Vogue?

Why are you trying to get off your chest? Who've you been going down on? What's happening? I don't like the Portuguese. And there we have it. I'm just glad we got there in the end. Do you know, I know a bit of Portuguese.

Do you want to hear it? Go on. Obrigado pela sua visita. Goodbye and thank you for your visit. Oh, that's because they wanted rid of you. That's because you kept hearing that. I learned it. No, I love a bit of Portugal now, to be honest with you.

I used to go there when I was younger. Best beaches. Have you been to the beach yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm'm but i like i'm at because basically down at our pool i always kind of end up stealing one of the inflatables but then some child always wants it back eventually whatever so today i'm actually gonna buy my own like the day the day before she leaves her holiday she's gonna buy one finally she's put the money aside that's not happening

no way I won't get the use out of it I won't get the use out of it when are you going to Mallorca then next straight away yeah

so yeah so I fly from here to Mallorca and then and then she flies from Mallorca to Ibiza a couple of days in Dublin and then me and Jo do we tell you

me and Vogue are going to Ibiza I don't know why can't I I cannot say Ibiza a couple of days in Dublin and then me and Jo do we tell you me and Vogue are going to Ibiza I don't know why can't I I cannot say Ibiza without saying I cannot say it without doing it

in Danny Dyer accent I don't know why but that's the way it's said that's the only way it's said Ibiza poor Joanne I'm bringing the family till Thursday

and then they leave yeah but I'm not really going to see you before then isn't that the deal I think you're going to that's what she said I was like Yeah, but I'm not really going to see you before then. Isn't that the deal? I think you're going to. So that's what she said. I was like, oh, we'll just get enough rooms.

And she goes, no, I think I'll be in a hotel. I'm like, okay, fair enough. I love your family. They're practically family to me. But there's a lot of them and they're loud and they're intense. And they begin at about quarter to seven every morning without fail so yeah you can be guaranteed of that yeah honestly this morning right yesterday for my whole day my my fitness watch gave me this drain of like 11 today I'm already on 13.9 because I decided to book them in for swimming lessons at eight o'clock in the morning it was the only. There's a guy called Adam

who's the best swimming teacher ever. But trying to get them across, if you saw the mayhem in my house this morning, it is like- I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it. It is so intense. I look at those swimming videos

and I'm like, fair play to her. Like those kids are like fish. They're like mermaids. And I remember even like as a teenager, my mom, and this sounds terrible, she wasn't forcing my head into the sink, but like encouraging me to try.

I couldn't put my head underwater. I was in the kitchen or in the bathroom sink with my head, with goggles on, trying to put my head underwater. And I was in swimming lessons, but not from as early as your kids are. You practically had a water birth.

Like it was like you gave birth to them look who was swimming today who who's that otto that's otto has he put on a lot of weight i know he's here he's here what are you feeding that child protein bars? Mother of God. There's a protein in me boobs. There he is. What's in that milk? I take myself with a pinch of salt. I don't really mind. Listen, it's what's expected of me.

So I'm happy. I'm happy down there I wanted to talk about your holiday you know the way you're on holiday right I got back from my holiday in Spain

and I got back at about two o'clock in the day maybe and I literally ran around like a like a bee and I had to unpack everything as soon as I got in the door how long do you leave your suitcases for I mean I live out of like I live

out of a suitcase so when I get home so when I get back to London all I do I've like two days or whatever and all I do is put on washes take out clothes put new clothes in it's a pain in the hell but I mean yeah I would not be now we know

I would not be like sure my poor you know you know brother Peter now he'd have everything hung up and all in the totarium

does he go and unpack yeah of course he does I know he would I know can we talk about me meeting him oh my god

I randomly was it on Fitzwilliam Square I randomly was going to get my brows done with Kim in the Dublin Makeup Academy

who's amazing by the way and on my way in I saw this now in fairness he's eye catching he is eye catching and I saw this guy and I was like

I know him but I think he's a babe. It was Alan. It was Alan standing there in front of me. He smelled really nice. Yeah, I told you he smells like a sexy bench. So I get a photo from Vogue in the middle of the day and I

just, whatever, doing whatever. And it's Vogue and Alan standing there together and I was like, what the fuck is going on here? I forgot you were even in Ireland, to be honest. it's Vogue and Alan standing there together and I was like what the fuck is going on here I even I forgot you were even in Ireland to be honest yeah because he just then he messaged me

going I just met the in-laws so I was like that's done now that's grand I was so thrilled because I knew John Belton was going to meet him before me

and I was like that's not really the order of things so I bumped into him and I just knew him but I don't know how I knew him I don't even know

if you've shown me a full picture of him I kind of know him from years ago yeah a full picture of him. Because it's you're both yeah it's all the assets modeling vibes. It's all that shit. But he smelled so nice

and he looked so clean and he just was so well put together. So who is this man living with you? Vogue. Yes. You always smell.

Finish that sentence. You always now you've never been smelly. You love a shower never love a shower but I wouldn't say that you're very tidy

no no no I'm not but we're working on that but I posted a photo like I mean listen I can't keep talking about Prada Peter it's embarrassing but

I posted a photo of us the other day to the gram do you know when you're on holidays you're like you're like super loved up and all that jazz

and someone and I did I am conscious because I'm like I can't you know and you're like you're like super loved up and all that jazz and um so when i and i did i am conscious because i'm like i can't you know and you're like am i kind of i don't want to be talking about him all the time and i am it's just with the start you do i'll hate him soon you're only using him you're only using him for for content what did you say there that i missed i said i hate him soon like do you know what i mean like it's just we'll ride the wave now and then i'll be like don't even talk to me about that lot

you know but em anyway I posted a photo and someone wrote underneath going you're getting a bit smug about this now do you want I was

I was like oh come on it's one photo please smug smug smug smug I agree I was like

uh oh anyway so there so there you have it but this is what I was going to say on the holiday particular shout out

to Bareby Vogue you should be so proud of your tan it's bloody great isn't it I was even saying to Lucia in the hair test she was like

are you Sandra Paye and I said correct yourself you need to get on Bareby Vogue correct yourself correct yourself I said

I cannot get a tan for love nor money the back of the legs I'd easier grow a tail than get a tan on the back of my legs I don't have the back of your grow a tail than get a tan on the back of my legs. I don't have to do this. On the back of your legs,

no one can get a tan on the back of their legs. What's going on? I don't know. They've legs like a banshee. Yeah. No, it's actually impossible

but I avoid the sun like the actual plague when I go on holidays. That's why I bring my Bare by Vogue. I don't understand how you come home looking Latino.

I don't understand it. Well, because I'm running around after the kids so I get really brown really quick but like I literally hide in the shade all day. No matter what I do I always pick up a tan but I do wear

ultra dark. Well I'm literally, I don't know what I'm going to do with these legs. I'm going to Australia next. I'm going to have to try and find that hole in the ozone layer and lie directly underneath it. In other news do you know what I've learnt? And you'll appreciate this. so the first week of my holidays i was staying with a friend of mine who's got a 14 month old child because

i know that's how we talk about children and we talk about them in months i don't sorry hang on john so you'll stay with your friend who has children but as soon as i mention my brood and i are coming over you say i'm staying in a hotel yes because the key word There is brood She has one 14 month old child Okay It's going to be so cute though You know when my kids go Unlike your Unlike your 14 month old

He does not have An attitude problem So I don't mind Hanging out with him Do you know what's going to be So cute though When they leave on Thursday

Right And Autumn moves into your room That's going to be so cute though when they leave on Thursday right and Otto moves into your room that's going to be so cute sorry sorry what no I can't wait I can't wait to meet that child it's going to be so special it's going to be absolutely even go on tell me I love Otto you know I love anyway so this is what I learned when a child falls down and cracks its head open, the child looks at you to see if it's serious. And all you do is smile and clap like a maniac. Like they've just done a three-point turn

and a double axel. And then they go, oh, okay, this is fine. So you just clap, clap, clap. Now, obviously, for certain contexts, not if the child is slowly drowning you're not gonna be like yeah you know it's just if something can be recovered quite quickly if it's not serious they look at you essential yeah to see and if there's panic in your eyes they panic but the amount of clapping i did in that house for that child i was like oh jesus he's after walking into something again we're like oh Jesus he's after walking into something again we're like oh my god we're looking amazing

yay yay go God come on up you're okay well I'll tell you what T has the tiniest scratch the tiniest scratch you've ever seen and he has been dining out in that shit for the last week insisting on a new plaster being put on every day

crying about it every so often when he wants attention and my kids new thing is right and she's a Paris as I said to Theodore insisting on a new plaster being put on every day crying about it every so often when he wants to attention and my kids new thing is right and she's a Paris as they said to Theodore so anything Theodore says she said every day I have a tummy ache and I'm like I know you don't and then I'm like okay if you have a tummy ache I can't let you have an ice cream after dinner because you'll just feel sick oh I don't have one anymore I, yeah, because you never had one. Who is it? Liars. Liars told me, do you know Baz, the presenter?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on Clear History, that TV show I did for RTE. I love Baz. Yeah, Baz is sent. He told a story, which I'm sure he won't mind me repeating because he told it on the show, that he was in boarding school

and he absolutely hated it. And to get out of doing whatever they wanted him to do it was one of these really strict skills he pretended he had really bad stomach ache because he wanted to greek send home yeah he pretended it really really bad so the monk brought him to the hospital and they operated on him i'm pretty sure they took out something well they could probably get rid of an appendix or something you don't need i'm pretty sure and i think something. Well, they could probably get rid of an appendix or something. You don't need that. I'm pretty sure.

And I think the monk, now I'd have to ask Baz to confirm, but I think the monk basically was like, no, that'll teach you. Like, I think he knew. And next thing, Baz woke up in a surgical gown, missing a gallstone or something. Because he tried to get out of something

by claiming he was sick. Would you not lose an appendix to avoid double maths because i would double maths on a friday no thanks is there any news or like is there anything we should be discussing news wise i'm on my holidays i don't know what's going on i don't even know it's covid over like i literally have no clue what's happening well actually i was going to tell you something about Spencer I bumped into Alan this week Guess who Spencer bumped into Brad Pitt No Yes

He was interviewing Brad Pitt And even Brad Pitt started slagging him over Shaving his whole body Speaking of body hair Hold on a second now I have a lot of questions Firstly was this via Zoom No

In human person And he was wearing this amazing suit and he said and he just smelled nice and he looked amazing in real life supposedly so is he in the UK he was in the UK

yeah and he's single what's he promoting he's everywhere at the moment like not everywhere but he's doing loads of stuff at the moment what's he promoting

what's he up to what's he up to he's up to something some movie he's got coming out but what did you think of his kilt remember he wore the kilt

no oh my god she really has have you not even been on the Daily Mail since you've been away I haven't been I haven't been on the Daily Mail

I know I've been watching sorry sorry we'll come back to that one of the funniest things I have obviously because I'm kind of in this

Love Island tale at the moment so that I know what I'm talking about when I get to Majorca the funniest thing did we talk about Ronan Keating's sun gown into the because I'm kind of in this love island hell at the moment so that I know what I'm talking about when I get to Majorca. The funniest thing. Did we talk about Ronan Keating's son going into the... No, we haven't actually. He only went in for four

and a half seconds, I thought. Oh God, love him. He was in and he was out. It was like a rotating door. I don't think he even unpacked. But anyway, he went in and the crew, they obviously set up this scene because you know Michael Owen's son. Sorry, Michael Owen's daughter is in a Gemma. And so they kind of set up this scene where the two of them were would chat about and kind of realized they both had famous dads so anyway

Gemma's like oh my dad's like Michael Owen and um Jack so Rowan and Keating's son Jack and Michael Owen's daughter Gemma and they kind of created this scene where they both discovered that they both had famous dads so obviously Gemma dropped her little bomb of, oh, I'm Michael Allen's daughter. And then Jack was like, I'm Ronan Keating. It's my father. And you could just see Gemma looking at him like. Not a clue who Ronan Keating was. Not a clue.

Different generation. Hadn't a clue. And then the funniest thing. Ronan Keating's pretty bloody famous. Well, he's iconic to us, but not to that generation. But then Jack goes But he's retired He's retired now Oh yeah yeah yeah

Next thing Ronan Keating's on All social media platforms He goes I haven't retired actually I've got a show in York tonight And a very successful Breakfast radio show And I'm on tour

So I just Jack basically cancelled His own father on Love Island It was very funny That is so funny But I think it would be A nightmare to go on Love Island that is so funny but I think it would be a nightmare to go on Love Island and just get the boots straight away I'd hate that

it's like when I was saying about Irish college and you go and then someone dumps you or you don't get picked up I know I know and all the work imagine the amount of veneers you've had done and everything to go in and then you're out so Brad work imagine the amount of veneers you've had done and everything to go in

and then you're out so Brad I get the I get the vibe of Brad bit of a stoner very chilled out yeah I'd say I get that vibe too

yeah very cool guy absolute charmer I'd say he'd have you pregnant through the eyes do you know what I mean like just very seductive yeah

so what did Spencer did Spencer kind of, did he have a man crush? Well, I suppose he would have, obviously, but like I would have jumped in that sandwich, no problem.

Imagine that. That would be my ideal day. Honestly. Jumped in that sandwich. I would be like so thrilled. That would, that's like, okay,

I would absolutely love to do that. You'd claim it was a sandwich and then you would slowly push Spencer off the bed and it would no longer be a sandwich it would be a cheese on toast

I don't want a triple decker yeah yeah yeah you've changed my mind too many carbs you're out too many carbs get off the bed come over there now

and sit in that chair he smelled nice do you know what bed to go over there and sit in that chair he smelt nice do you know what he's very well stop talking about his smell you're making it like I smell like a

bin it's constant reference to how nice he smells in comparison to me we never actually discussed Ryan Gosling and the Barbie movie

what is going on there? But he's come out and he's like, I don't understand why that picture broke the internet. And it's like, well, because like, look at you. We don't understand why you're doing the Barbie movie. Okay, so the Barbie movie. I think it's actually going to be, it's ironic. This is what I get from it. So that, is it Mattel?

That toy company, they're after investing shit tons of money in making all these films about all these old school cartoons. But they're hiring these weird directors. Like Lena Dunham is writing and directing a Polly Pocket movie. Do you remember Polly Pocket?

Oh my God, I love Polly Pocket. Do you remember Polly Pocket? Yeah, of course love Polly Pocket. Do you remember Polly Pocket? Yeah of course I do. Polly Pocket comes to the big screen. Maybe I have no interest in Barbie because I had no interest in her when I was younger but Polly Pocket? Yes. But they're also, they're remaking a He-Man film

they have, the director for the Barbie movie is Greta Gerwig who I think worked on SNL and stuff so like there's definitely it's not it's not going to be what we think it's going to be it's going to be something extra and that's why I think

he's doing it and Will Ferrell's in it I think it's actually going to be really funny I didn't know Will Ferrell was in it so actually it would be I think it's going to

actually be pretty cool but it's a bit shocking to see him like that because you're like oh I know because it's a big camp and we're used to seeing him

being all like bleh do you know what the one thing about him is now in fairness he is married to Ava Mendes so like he's obviously never going to be caught to the dirty or anything but I feel like they just have sorry sorry sorry anything could happen at any time yeah yeah especially if you're as good looking as especially if you're tens it's your own fault like stop putting any effort into your appearance bring yourself down

to an eight I think those lads get a kick out of getting women so hot anyway we'll discuss that but I tell but Eva Mendes came in

she was like she kind of defended him and she was like I'd ride him as can she was like I think it's a hot photo no it's not a hot photo

it's ridiculous it's not a hot photo also they're blowing they're blowing their beans on the press like that film's not going to be out for like two years or something why are they showing us

all this shit now yeah but we're already looking at it and we're dying to see it already but you not see the really weird connection between Lena Dunham and Polly Pocket like Lena Dunham is like a real kind of

well I would consider her I love her a very feminist woke writer yeah very woke. She's directing Polly Pockets.

Oh my God. What's that going to look like? Joanne, I am sorry, but Polly Pockets is still on sale. As soon as Gigi won't choke on these pieces, I am buying her a Polly Pocket. Excuse me, Gigi turned two the other day. Not that you would notice.

Did you not see I posted about her? Oh, I did actually, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I posted saying, because I've decided that I'm just going to take whatever child I want as a godchild because you seem to be taking as many godparents as you want.

So I've decided to take Gigi against her will without her consent. And Rona, her actual godmother, DM'd me within three seconds and was like, back off, you've already got one. And then she posted a photo of Gigi and I was like, off you've already got one and then and then she posted

a photo of Gigi and I was like too late bitch I did it first Gigi's now mine Gigi well she's really as I said

also a turn to corner in a positive way last week Gigi has turned to corner since she's turned two I swear to God it's like a switch has gone off

she is like the devil she's screeching and everything she's you know what she does she just like turns around and just hits Theodore all the devil she's screeching and everything she's you know what she does now she just like turns around just hits theodore all the time she throws her food she picks up a bone and just throws it off her high chair and then i put her in time out and i have never known

a child to give less of a shit she just sits there and she just she doesn't she doesn't say anything then like about 30 seconds later she'll jump off wherever she is. She's like, sorry, mommy. I'm like, you're not sorry. She's like it. She's a tiny Mariah Carey. I don't know what you're going to do with her. Yeah, I know. Do you know what?

It's even worse. She's a tiny Amber. She is Amber. And even Amber knows that she's like Amber. So she's going to be, honestly, we're going to have a very tough time with her. I've already looked into it. Divotastic.

Joanne, another thing that you had brought up. Well, there's quite a few things. Denise Van Outen's moved on. No, I know. It sounds like a very random topic to just throw in the mix there. She moved on quickly and that's what I liked about it. I felt like she got her own back and she's actually sound. She's like, she's sound.

She's a real girl's girl and she's really nice. You can tell that about her. But she's moved on. She's like she's sound she's a real girl's girl and she's really nice you can tell that about her but she's moved on she's like ha ha look at this and i love when they start posting all this really passive-aggressive shit about having met the love of their lives when they've just broken up with their ex i've never known love like it no but the best part about it is her ex just keeps putting up pictures in those glasses that fucking scare the shit out of everyone

don't wear those glasses the ones that like work on the inside and then you go outside and they turn into kind of sunglasses they

freak me out on another level I can't stand them so much did you not see that he's also the article was written it was like Denise Van Etten has moved on

and you could see in her eyes the photo was an absolute fuck you like you could just see it right so I was like Denise Van Etten has moved on and you could see in her eyes the photo was an absolute fuck you like you could just see it right so I was like fair play to her and then

the article went on to say that her ex I don't remember his name is writing a song it's writing a song did you hear he's in the studio what do they say what do you call it

putting down tracks about the breakup what why why are you doing that he's not even a musician what would you call it? Putting down tracks about the breakup. What? Why? Why are you doing that? He's not even a musician. Did we talk about Jodie Marsh?

Like, I have the same love and respect at the moment for Jodie Marsh because she... Oh, I didn't keep up with that. Oh, because again, same thing. I'm just kind of still

just very impressed by her. She's got, she's doing a real fuck you on your man and you just you just love to see it oh yeah i absolutely love it in fairness when i now when i broke up with somebody in the public eye like i i went in a different route because i i just like i didn't want to be having a back and forth with somebody you know that way sometimes i feel like oh totally and i don't know if I would go the way

they've in fact you know what I wouldn't because I would do the fuck you revenge I found the love in my life photo but I wouldn't

do the public showing text messages that he's cheated I wouldn't do that do the sly little pictures of how great you look after you get your hair done by Lucia

you plant your thirst traps you know what I mean? You do what you do. That's how you know, that's how you know someone's going through a breakup because suddenly they're topless on Instagram. Like that's how you know. What is your opinion on budgie smugglers?

Is that what Alan wears or does he wear a short? He wears a short. A short short? Like an averag a short short em like an averagely short short like a a mid range

thigh short like Spenny exactly yeah they're the same I would I would the budgie smuggler thing I mean

no judgment but at the same time judgment total judgment it's like it's like when men are cycling and you know when they wear

those cycling pants and all like I can't even look at their heads. It's just like, Jesus, why has he got that thing in my face? I know. But then again, what can they do?

Like tuck it behind? Like they, you know what I mean? It's kind of, they're dealing with what they're dealing with. What I don't like are those little baskets. Those little baskets. Yeah, I know.

I know. The budgie smuggler thing, it is distracting. But at the same time, I was sunbathing topless. Oh, were you? Yeah, you see, I just don't do that. Well, my nipples are literally the it is distracting but at the same time I was sunbathing topless oh were you yeah you see I just don't do that well my nipples are

literally the size of fucking Saturn at the moment so I wouldn't be doing that anyway that's more reason to get them out no they're desperate at the moment if Joe wasn't there

I'd show you I go topless now everywhere are you going to go topless in a beat then in front of all of us no well I would go

on topless I wouldn would go on topless I would go I wouldn't go topless in front of Spencer ah go on don't be so mean no no no no no

no you Otto Joe are you coming you can see them Joe Joe are you coming to Ibiza no

no Joe poor Joe Joe is, I'd show Joe my tits, no problem. I actually showed Lucia my tits yesterday in the hairdressers. Poor Lucia.

I don't remember why. I don't remember why I did. Was that the third wine? I cannot remember the context for that at all, but I had my tits out and we were having a good look at them. How drunk were you

yesterday in this place? She treated me well. I was saying to her I was actually joking to her going I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be like I was at this great bar called Lucia's last night

where I had a great time and I think someone tried to give me a blow dry at one stage I don't know what happened but thank you Lucia

I'm saying that to you because there's a town remember you sent me this article in Sorrento Italy you can be fined 425 quid if you wear budgie smugglers or

even a bikini and do you know what in other parts of Spain such as Barcelona or Mallorca where you're going next tits McGee get those away you could also land yourself in a spot of bother for wearing a bikini or a swimsuit in the wrong place I mean oh oh my God.

I read about that. And like, in fairness, these tourists were going into the town, walking around the city in their bikinis. You can't be walking around a museum in your bikini. You know what I mean? Like when you're on the beat, this is the long-term debate. At what point, at what distance from the ocean does your bikini become underwear and inappropriate do you know what I mean

if you're sitting on a bus in a bikini going into the going into Albufeira Old Town it's too much get your shit together but you know what

you know when you get so comfortable on your holidays and you just forget that you're wearing a bikini and I end up going to the supermarket and stuff in my bikini

because it just I got into holiday mode and sometimes I'm like you you're absolutely dirt and I don't wear shoes places that I should be wearing shoes

yeah and they basically these towns these cities were like can we just all have a bit of decorum please can we just all rein it in

and you're like fair but I was thinking as well imagine all these women walking around in a bikini it would be the most there would be a 100% conviction rate because those policemen

would be on their A game yeah yeah yeah if there's not a woman in a bikini that wouldn't be approached i would say i'll do that job i wouldn't mind one of them little fellas handcuffing me in my bikini yes please thank you very much but it's just it's the same way as like if you're sitting on a bus in scuba gear there's just there's just an etiquette to these things scuba gear i reckon you'd get away with. Like the flippers, bit of an issue,

but I reckon you'd get away with it. Bit of an issue. Yeah, get away with the rest. What are you planning for the rest of your holiday? So we're going to go today. There's this really nice restaurant on the beach where we go and drink champagne and eat prawns. Oh, that would be quite nice, wouldn't it? Yeah, it's really nice.

And the staff are really sound I'm going to buy a Lilo I'm going to go to the beach have we talked about my obsession with women dying on Lilos in the 80s it was like an epidemic so when Lilos were first invented now again please take all this with a pinch of salt

allegedly when they were first invented we're not doing an ad for Lilo it's around the Nari Joe feel free to slag off a Lilo so women would they would blow them up as you do and they would lie on them in the ocean

and these women would just disappear because they would float out and die and it's I remember when I read about it and it was the creepiest thing I've ever heard because you're like what happens to them

they drown they die of sun exposure dehydration they get eaten by a shark they would just float away and never be seen again you have to be so careful

on those things if Alan fucks you off gets on your nerves right you pop him on that Lilo push him out a little bit pop him on the Lilo push him out yeah bye Alan

slip a Valium into his drink make sure he's real relaxed enjoy your lilo trip alan pop him onto an inflatable lobster give a little push i mean how many people do we talk about killing on this and none of them deserve it Welcome to My Therapist Goes To The Meet With myself, Joanne McNally And herself, Vogue Williams Gallo Gallo

Gallo from her homies Gallo from her hello I went home for a shoot with who have done up my garden and my spare room and I think that you need to get on that train hold on

this isn't your week this is just you plugging your shit again I don't need to plug Jo beep out the names of the people I can't you know what though?

I can't believe that that was this, was that this week? I actually have to look at my diary because, oh God, actually, what I did do this week, I had to take Otto and Gigi for their injections, double each. Gigi's really brave at injections.

Slight whinge, give her a fret of bark, quiet. That's it. Bit young for the Botox. What injections is she getting? I did actually think- Imagine she got her lips done. Imagine, I would die laughing if you were to get her lips done. quiet that's it a bit young for the botox what what injections is she getting i did i imagine she got her lips done imagine i would die laughing if you got her lips done i actually i actually did bring the entire family now this is this is not the way it was meant to happen right i had booked amber in for a bit i got revived with dr ewan right i booked her in for her birthday to get a

bit of revive i was getting it myself then Spencer heard we're going to see Dr. Yoon so he wants to come along and then I had Otto because like I have to bring him everywhere I go I'm getting revive in my hands I'm gonna get normal people hands for once in my life is this because I got my knees done you went you went into Dr. Yoon and was like what kind of obscure bullshit can I get done? Your hands. Exactly that. So your hands are going to have no emotion. How do you feel about that? Sorry. So when I was in

Lucia's yesterday, she was giving me a tour of the salon and she's like, we do ear piercing if you want that. And I'd already had a glass of wine. I was like, yeah, I'd love it. I said, that's why I have my tits out. I want her to pierce my nipple. I remember now. Joanne!

How could you do that? Did you get your nipple pierced? No, because I don't think they're pierceable. Anyway, that's why I had them out. I'm dying to get my nipple pierced. I want them both pierced. Oh my God, I don't know how you could do that to yourself. Jesus.

So Prada Peter can put a string through me and drag me around the place. No, I'm joking. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Please keep sending your lovely, fantastic emails to hello at mtgmpod.com.

Just to say, I've added more Vicar Streets, loads of dumb dates, all on sale on my website, dramaclandy.com. Just to say, I've added more Bickerstreet, loads of dumb dates, all on sale. On my website, dramaclally.com. Thank you.