My Therapist Ghosted Me - Christmas Clothes, Lurkers & The In And Out List

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

It's time to get a hold on what's set to be in and what's definitely OUT for 2024. Because this stuff matters. Plus, the average Christmas Day, family fights and when pigtails are and aren't appropriate.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the last installment of My Therapist Ghosted Me. Well, the last main episode of My Therapist Ghost To Me till the fine year of 2024. We're saying goodbye forever. We're doing a morning record which of course is difficult. This will show you

how hard we've hit this pod this year. My microphone stand has gone completely flaccid and will not stay up and my cord no longer works because we have I have bet this thing

I bet it to death. I think it's because you're just giving it shit chat. You're giving it shit chat. How dare you, Vogue? How dare you? I'll be working with Laura Whitmore in the new year.

That's my announcement. Okay, well, I will be working with Catherine Ryan. Who will you be working with? Catherine Ryan. Yes, I will. Well, Joe, I don't know why you're laughing because we will certainly not be working with you. I'll be working with bill burr

and heaven harsh has been on and a little woman called tina fey i don't know if you've heard of her oh yeah yeah yeah it's so weird though because brad pitt was just on the phone to me i said i was like brad brad i can't i'm not leaving joanne and then jennifer aniston quickly followed up and said i want to join forces with Brad she got rid of Reese Witherspoon her and Brad have created a movie

and they want me to start it okay well I have a little man called Elon Musk in my DMs who wishes me to come on board and open a business with him

oh called Merch for Mars isn't that interesting I am starting a merch business with Elon Musk and we'll bring out tiny rockets okay well

myself and Mark Zuckerberg were chatting he was bitching about you and Elon oh can we talk Anna Wintour has been on to me she wants to buy

I'm just preoccupied my merch line for 2024 Chris Kardashian wants to manage me okay now you've just pushed it too far because that's not believable but everything else that you said up to this point was Joe what are your plans for the

new year same old same old dreaming big I assume well I wanted to say the other day I mailed Joanne and I was like this is why I wanted to say the other day I mailed Joanne and I was like

this is why I want to be a billionaire speaking of the Kardashians have you seen Kim Kardashian's house of Christmas land she has like 70

fur trees in her house just covered in snow the whole way down the halls all outside fur trees are they not called fur

F-I-O-R oh sorry with her I genuinely thought you meant like animal fur trees you wouldn't know her ostrich fur trees

like just skinned cheetahs on sticks with baubles on them I honestly would not know it's like a skinned giraffe in the hall with like a star on its head what's like legitimacy

around like if a cheetah dies in the zoo, who gets his coat? I'll check my philosopher TikTok accounts. I'm just asking for a friend. Same with the giraffes. What happens to their coats? It's an excellent question. Waste not want not.

If you find a man dead on the road, would you skin him, folk? If you find a man dead on the road, would you skin him and wear him? You bet your ass. If I found a woman under the age of 20, yes, I would skin her and take her skin from my own face.

I don't mean her own face. You'd have to wear the rest of her body as well. I'm happy to, more than happy to. Unless she's put in all the laser that I have. I'm not taking on that hindrance again. Spenny walked into me this morning right um and I was sitting there and I had no top on because like that's I was just sitting getting ready and he was staring at me and I was so

weirded out by it I was like what are you looking at and he was like your tits and I was like really I actually couldn't believe it it was the most shocking thing that's happened to me all year I was like is he actually come in here to look at this I love okay we've moved on from Sheila's we're at your tits I think you have much sweeter nicer tits than you think you do yeah but I wouldn't have tits to be looking at tits and that's why I was so taken aback this morning I was like you've got a small tit right but like Jo I don't have tits To be looking at tits And that's why I was so Taken aback this morning I was like I don't You've got a small tit right But like Jo I don't know what your preference is

But a lot of men Love a tiny disco tit Really And Also when you're pregnant Your tits are ginormous I know I miss them deeply Like remarkably large

The only part of pregnancy That I love Is The tits I know you shouldn't say that But there you go I've said it And I mean it Not the is the tits. I know you shouldn't say that, but there you go. I've said it and I mean it. Not the child. The tits. They're just a symptom of the large. There's something you have to go through to get large breasts. Tell me, how was your week,

Joanne? Really good. I'm off to America in February. I saw. Finally gone on sale. I'm going to Dallas, Denver, Philadelphia, Texas, San Francisco. I'm finally going back to Chicago. LA.

Go to LA. There's more rooms but it's a start. The hustle begins again. The America takeover is beginning. When I saw all those dates I thought I would love

to be visiting those places. So you better get your ass up in the morning and go and like look around you've been to Portland I'm sure no Portland

why do I maybe I read it in a book you've been to Seattle I'm going to Seattle I've never been to Seattle so I'm very excited it's going to be it's going to be

it's six weeks and it's like small rooms and then kind of doing weekends in clubs and then do my own small room again and I'm going to work it's six weeks and it's like small rooms and then kind of doing weekends in clubs and then do my own small room again and I'm going to

work up a new show over there and start the whole thing again but Ireland and the UK will be relieved I will not

darken your stage doors for a very long time and so I'm going to go I'm going to go and I suppose kind of lose all confidence and momentum for six weeks And so I'm going to go and, I suppose, kind of lose all confidence and momentum

for six weeks in America. I'm ready for it. It's nice to be grounded again. You've gotten, like you've been doing arenas and bigger rooms. Now it's time to really knock her back down to earth,

I think, Jo. It's time. It's time for the humility tour. Yeah. It's brilliant. Do you know what? I think the Americans will love you. All joking aside,

it's in your interest to be able to do all size rooms. And the only way to, because it is a different type of performance, big rooms versus small rooms. Like I'd say my crowd work

wouldn't be that tight at the moment because I haven't been doing them because we've been doing bigger rooms. So it's kind of going back. Honing that skill set again, you know.

It's very exciting. Honing that skill. Texas, Houston Houston isn't it I know because I paid I paid 10 grand for that American visa so I'm like fuck this

I'm going back out I couldn't believe how extensive the American visa was they're taking the absolute piss that's worse than tax nearly I know you're like

you'll get a grant and they let me do anything I want in there oh my god that's really exciting though thank you very much and you'll get a grant and they let me do anything I want in there. Oh my God. That's really exciting though. Thank you very much. And I went down back in London

with my caretaker, Alan. But because I thought my flat would be up and running, I arranged everything to happen over in London.

So now I'm in London in a hotel because my apartment has nothing in it. I don't know if that apartment will ever have anything in it. Now she's off to America

for six weeks. What's the bloody point? It is. It's a slow, slow build. I have a couch arriving in March of 2025. Oh. Because that's how long they take.

I did. Now, I don't like to say I told you so, but I did warn you about these things quite a long time ago. I don't even know what fashion, what couch is being trend in 2025.

I feel like I'm about to order a corduroy couch, like a mustard corduroy couch from the 70s. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. How does anyone set up on their own who has slight logistical issues? I just don't understand it. I've just moved into my house in Ireland and it's pretty much set up. I just got in here about a week ago. Well, well, well.

You'll see there's even flowers on the counter and a basil plant. So I moved house as well and I'm living over, everyone keeps asking where I've moved to. Like I've just moved

obviously to Hoth because I'd never leave Hoth in a thousand years. So I've moved to like I've just moved obviously to Hoth because I'd never leave Hoth in a thousand years so I've pretty much moved about I mean I can see my old house from here so I haven't moved far and no I am not I am not moving back to Ireland I just uh I when I tell you the story about my house in Ireland is that boring hit us hit us let's give it a go okay i thought you said yeah it is no i said so i came this man that i know owned this house and i remember coming up to see the house when he just built the house and i turned to him and i said this is my dream house i'm gonna own it one day like totally joking but it was my dream house and like cut to five years later and here I am sitting in his kitchen

that is now my kitchen manifestation baby yeah I literally was like that's the house I want forever and it happened so I'm thrilled

and who do you thank for that? Chicken fillet rolls and Brillo pads do you know what? do you know what? you were living in a palace built on chicken fillet rolls and Brillo pads.

And you fucking go. I was sitting beside Megan yesterday in the cage and I was like, Jesus, I've just gotten the bill for the, like, I've gotten a quote

for the curtains in the house and she's like, you'd want to get back onto Brillo pads. So I did. Better hit that gram again. Brillo, hello. The queen of collabs in her collab castle. Well earned, hello. The queen of collabs

in her collab castle. Well earned, Vogue. Fair play to you. I went to the Gaiety Panto. Did you see that? I think I saw that, yes. So we do like one show a night and it is so exhausting.

I never knew how exhausting it was until I did it. They are doing two shows a day until the 21st of January. They get Christmas Day off and that's it. Ching, ching. Apparently they're all billionaires. That's what I heard. Do you know what? We were all trying to figure it out at dinner.

We were like, what are they on? Oh my God, they must be getting paid a fortune. Adderall and about 50k a show, I'd say. Allegedly. Yeah, obviously allegedly, but loads of Adderall. So we worked with MCD this year, who basically were the promoters for our tour. And because they run the Gaelic Panto,

they organized a meet and greet for us after the show. Well, when Theodore found out he was meeting Cinderella, he couldn't wait. He spoke about it for the whole second half. Well, when Theodore found out he was meeting Cinderella, he couldn't wait. He spoke about it for the whole second half because that's when I found out. Couldn't wait to meet her. What's she going to be like? Walked in to meet her.

Wouldn't go near her. Went and hid behind a table at the back of the bar. And I was like, come on, T. And he was like, no, no. And he was like, wouldn't go near her. Wouldn't even come in for the family group shot. He absolutely mortified he was he fancied her so much and she was like come here and he was like no he now is a powerful woman when he sees one and he is rightly intimidated cinderella was quite intimidating she was gorgeous and very good of. She's a woman at her peak.

Professionally, spiritually, physically. It would make sense that he's intimidated by her. I would be too. Mentally, she puts up with a lot of shit, doesn't give a crap.

She's still like, doesn't care. What's her story again? It's the shoe story, I believe. Yeah, and she's got the two ugly sisters who were very funny in the panto.

One of them actually went to my school When I was younger And you know when you just know Somebody is going to be Like that's what their job is going to be Stage Yeah So I always knew that she was going to do that And she was there

Were they actually ugly? No They had drawn ugly onto their faces They tried In what way? Drawn like loads of like Wrinkles on their faces They tried to make them look wrinkled and scary With all these black lines all over their face did you see did you see something

now i don't know if you'll mind me talking about spenny put up this post right from marx and spencer yes say an ad the abusive comments he's getting about his weight and like how his weight loss has made him look old i've never seen anything like it and guess what all from women can you imagine that was the other way around but they Robbie Williams because I was I watched I binged Robbie Williams

documentary in seven minutes even though it was four hours long it's like a superpower but he was saying as well I saw him online saying like, stop saying I'm too thin. People are weight obsessed. They're weight obsessed.

You're too fat, you're too thin, you're too average, you're too fit. If you don't look like the way you look. You're not eating enough, you're eating too much. Yeah. It's all projection. I know, I kind of felt sorry for him

because he did ask me then and I was like, oh no, that's terrible. Isn't he doing a lot of fasting and stuff didn't you say yeah he does do a lot of fasting he really likes it he hasn't really been fasting over here but he's heavier like he's been a lot lighter before now maybe I'll get him Botox for Christmas there you go thanks girls for the for the tip I know what to get that decrepit looking old skinny man. I'll ring him now and say, eat a sandwich! And hang up because that's what they say. That's the classic line.

Yeah. Oh my God, eat a sandwich! Now, no one has said that to me in a very long time, sadly, but there you go. I get the, I bet she's not really eating that. You're dead, right?

I just lick it and smell it and put it back. Indeed. Yeah. The photo shoot is now finished. We will toss the pizza away um but the but that is it's real tough work isn't it oh i mean because it's like i'd say it is so full on but it was and like i love the panto it's one of my like i used to my nanny used to buy me tickets to that same panto when we were younger that was our christmas present from our nanny

and so now I'm trying to like carry the tradition on so for the last four years we've all gone with all the kids and because we work it's such a nicer tradition

than making your kids go to mass at Christmas which is what happened to us yeah that was our panto I'm just fucking around I'm just sick of it and it lasts so long

on Christmas Day. Like, where's Jack? Where's the fucking beanstalk? I want to go back to my fucking presents. Just a lad in a dress handing out disco biscuits.

But, do you remember they had to move midnight mass to like eight o'clock because everyone was too pissed? Who wants to go

to midnight mass? That would be the only thing that would get you through Mass. There is something, there is something kind of, what would you say, collective about it. There is something very togethery about it,

camaraderie about it, I will say. And they bring out, they drag out Jesus and put him in the manger. All that jazz goes on at Midnight Mass, I think. Because he's born. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's his birthday, obviously. So my mum used to take us

to mass every week and the last day I went to mass my mum dragged us out of there because the priest was like second marriages are wrong and she started going he started going into

this big rant about like people being divorced so my mum was like that's it we're going I've never been so happy in my life never had to go back again

what is wrong with these priests like you're not in a position to lose business at this stage do what you need to do you should be recruiting this was back in the day when they could

Sandra's like don't you mess with my lifestyle choices in front of my children yeah I was going to say dirty Egypt but you can't say that

can't really but you can you can that was my most exciting part of Christmas Day was

we were allowed to wear the clothes that we had been bought to entice us to go to mass because obviously

we had no choice but we still my mother made our life easier if we didn't whinge the whole time was that we'd be allowed to wear

our Christmas clothes so we'd go shopping in the beginning of December and we'd buy our Christmas clothes. And then the Christmas outfit would sit in the hot press for weeks and weeks. And I'd just see it there

and it would just be folded. I'd look at it and I'd touch it, but I wasn't allowed to physically put it anywhere near my body until we were going to mass. So I was squealing with excitement about my new outfit, which kind of blurred the boredom out of me for like 15, 20 minutes

do you know what I mean and at that stage my ass was kind of in the flow so it was too late but the excitement of the Christmas clothes I don't even remember it now

everyone I still like my kids have Christmas Day outfits and they're just sitting upstairs they're not allowed to wear them until Christmas Day

there's always a Christmas Day outfit yeah I just I'd love I'd love if I still had that life in me oh no do you know what I do I have a Christmas Day outfit. Yeah, I just, I'd love if I still had that life in me. Oh no, do you know what? I do.

I have a Christmas Day outfit this year. I do. Do you? It'll go on for about two hours and that will be it. Straight back into the tracksuit. It all seems a bit silly now, just wearing a Christmas outfit

to sit at my mum's dinner table and then go back to bed. Maybe I'll get involved. I'm wearing a big gold sequined skirt. Wait till you see it. You'll be annoyed at yourself now you didn't get out of the PJs. Do you want to hear about the world's most normal Christmas and we can compare ours to that?

Yes. I read this thing online, right? Okay, wake up at eight, open presents at nine. Who the hell gets up at eight on Christmas Day? You're always up by six. Come on. You're so excited. No. Last year, or're so excited The last time me and mum spent Christmas Just the two of us

We were in a hotel last year I think we both got out by 12 No I swear to god Listen when there's no children There's no hope I am so excited to get the day started even when i didn't have kids i was so excited to do what take it up and it'd be christmas day it's so exciting just have a few

drinks to have your fry because you have to have your fry early otherwise you'll be too full for when dinner comes around god what's wrong with me maybe i've maybe i'm too heavily medicated i just the day just kind of rolls over me. Now Christmas Eve, I do really enjoy Christmas Eve. I find that very buzzy and I love New Year's Eve. That's kind of surprising to me now.

Yeah, I do love it. I love, I love the anticipation. I find the day itself a bit of an anti-climax. It's the build up I love. I do.

The pre-climax. Yeah, well we're kind of in the pre-climax now and I like that. Like I'm having a big lunch with all my cousins. There's something like 35 of us going for lunch on Friday in town. That would be nice.

Yeah, things like that I love. And I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to the panto. And like, I'm going to see the lights with the kids tomorrow. Like, those are fun things leading up to Christmas. But Christmas Day, I absolutely love it. It says finish opening presents at 10. That's a lot of presents. A lot of presents.

Me and Pat are still, we're still dozing at this stage. Carry on. First Merry Christmas text sent at 10. Please God, if any of my friends are listening, just don't text me on Christmas Day, Joanne. Honestly,

I know that you wish me a Merry Christmas, but if you send the text, then I have to respond. If there's anyone you needn't worry about it's me trust me I give you my I give you my word

I can't stand a Christmas text because then you're spending your like I don't want to have to write back to everyone I know I hope you

have a nice Christmas it's just like assumed let's just get it done now and the same happy birthday Vogue for whenever that is and happy new year also and thank you and congratulations on your next wedding like it's all just there I've said it done now and the same happy birthday Vogue for whenever that is and happy new year also and

thank you and congratulations on your next wedding like it's all just there I've said it all now thank you you know you know I feel

you know I'm thinking about you on the day that's all that's all that needs to be said I would rather that than have to respond the worst is when someone

like I don't mind like obviously you know I'm not a complete scrooge I actually really love Christmas but the day itself is very relaxed in my house because I am child free.

And I was about to say so is my mother, but she's not because I am her child. But you know what I mean? But so obviously I have two nephews, so they're coming up this year. So that'll be a bit more crack. But the funniest is when people just text, happy Christmas, full stop.

You're like, don't bother. Did you even know you said that? Did you just sit in a Christmas template? Like if you're going to send, did you even know you said that did you just sit in a Christmas template like if you're gonna send at least put a smiley face or a Christmas tree or something

just please God don't send it just don't send it Spenny's mom gets everyone so like she'll text me about people that I might have met

once in her circle and she's like oh it's Sheila Ahern's birthday today and I'm like okay like what do you want me to do with that information I'm not texting Sheila Ahern I don today and I'm like okay like what do you want me to do with that information

I'm not texting Sheila Ahern I don't know her Paddy be saying to me photos of babies going oh she's here nine pounds three ounces like what is that we have a couple of things

to plug we've gone into electrician mode Vogue yeah we have to I would like to plug my tour dates with Spenny we're going on tour in Ireland we're very excited it starts in March and we're going to Cork we're going to Belfast and we're doing a couple in the Gaelic which I love so if you're thinking of any Christmas present ideas please think of Spencer and Vogue back to my world's

normal Christmas families Families supposedly start fighting around five o'clock on Christmas Day. I don't usually have big family arguments on Christmas Day because we don't fight over the TV or anything. I just don't like care what we watch because I don't sit my phone. Yeah, we're not scrappy on the day.

But here are some of the craziest family feuds that happened at Christmas time. So a man attacks mum after argument over roast potatoes. He was convicted of attacking his 78-year-old mother because the roast potatoes were not crispy enough. Fair. I mean, Jo, everyone has to have a crispy roast potato.

Come on. Gooseflesh. What was that woman thinking? It's one day of the year that man deserves a crispy potato. For God's sake. My instinct would say there was an underlying issue there, but maybe not. Maybe he genuinely feels that strongly

about crispy potatoes. As is right as a man. That's another thing. I do like a crispy potato myself. Do you want to hear another one? This one I love. A man sues his wife for underspending

on his Christmas gifts. Sues her. Yeah. They had an agreement to spend, listen listen to this 10 grand each on each other 10 grand and she only spent 500 quid i love her oh well i mean come on he tried to sue her for entering a verbal contract and not and not fulfilling it imagine being that disgusted with your gift I would be absolutely fuming

or maybe it was 10 grand maybe she bought one of those backgammon sets from Goop that's actually 10 grand but looks like it cost

20 quid no it would really test a relationship if you'd agreed on a cost together or a budget

and you're looking at your presents and you're like something doesn't add up here and you're asking for receipts that that does ruin the Christmas spirit or certainly court would ruin the Christmas spirit did he win

did he lose do we have any further information win like you can't do that but like I know something that's how unjust I know so this Christmas Benny and I spent equal on each other he wanted some coat and I wanted an armchair um and uh and I know that he went and bought me something else on top that I didn't ask for. It wasn't part of the deal. So I know he wants, because he wants to give me something on Christmas day, but I have nothing else to give him. So you get ready. There's going to be a huge family argument to Christmas day when I don't pull anything out. That's his own choice. His own choice. A mother of three lunges at a group of carolers at her doorstep. She put up a sign saying no carolers

and they arrived at the doorstep and she attacks them when they entered her property to sing carols three nights in a row. I mean,

they're taking the piss. If there's a sign up saying no carolers and you're shown up three nights in a row, like you know what you're doing. That's revenge.

That's like, they're out for pain and hurt I've never had carolers to the house I think my elf my when we were grown up there might have been carolers but like this is my question when they're carolers are there singing like do you look just look them in the eyes where do you look I used to go caroling when we were younger when we lived in this estate and something and we used to go caroling for charity but the amount of people that would be like oh is it really going to charity what are you doing with this money like we're standing there singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer at people's doors but they do

you just stare at each other like what else do you do yeah well in that kind of intimate and environment I'd open the door like oh look the carol singers are here gorgeous hand me my eye mask and then I would just blind myself so I wouldn't have to look at them and then I would just enjoy their dulcet tones I used to I used to go out

with a musician and like when he would like get his guitar and sing songs in front of me I'd literally be like like looking at the ceiling and stuff

it was not romantic in any sense for me too tense it's sinister it's threatening yeah it's violent that's yeah the car. It's threatening. Yeah, it's violent. Yeah, the carol singer. There's something

threatening about it. So apparently you know like social media lurkers, people who don't actually engage with posts? Yeah. Apparently it's been linked to mental illness. So if you are the person who doesn't like, share, engage,

you are mentally unwell, which I think is a stretch, but makes sense considering my mother has a burner account and never engages. Researchers at the Central China Normal University, and that is the name of the university. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Is there an oddball university as well? I have no idea. But this is the normal university in China. People. Now, in fairness, the research, it was amongst 500 people, which is never, you know, that telling. No, but it was enough to get them into the Daily Mail and enough for me to read it and believe it. So people who use platforms privately and don't engage are more likely to suffer from social anxiety compared to people who use it actively which would suggest that me and Vogue are in our mental health peak I would agree we are incredibly active online voyeurs are more afraid of unfamiliar situations

in their physical lives and those who use actively found they had more social media activity found they had more social support they have improved friendship and quality of friendships I wouldn't like to be called a voyeur that kind of reminds me of somebody that just

stands there watching somebody having sex or something that's what I think of I know it's a bit lurky but I guess the key here is stalking online

doesn't assist you socially because I guess as long as you forget you're allowed to approach the people you're just kind of staring at them from the other side of the room

I thought it was interesting and good to know so from now on if there's a lurker whether it be a parent or a sibling accuse them of mental illness and refer to them

to the China Normal University for your results for their absolute but I think that people for their bulletproof research but they were saying the reason it sends people into this

kind of social anxiety spiral is because people tend to portray themselves in overly flattering ways on social media. So passive users fall into an upward social comparison habit

where they don't believe that they're as good as these people that they're watching online. And I guess if they actually engaged a bit more they'd realise it's all bullshit.

I know. I find that though and everyone's depressed when I see people's clean houses online I'm like how is their house so clean and they've got like three kids I'm like that's not possible I know it's hiding somewhere that drives me mad I don't know why it annoys me so much but I'm like please God show me a mess 7pm I was saying to Alan

I was yawning all day so I'm going to bed I'm absolutely wrecked I'm exhausted he's like alright 7pm I was yawning one day so I'm going to bed. I'm absolutely wrecked. I'm exhausted. He's like alright. 7pm passes. 8pm. 9pm. 12am. 3am. I'm still scrolling on TikTok watching people clean their couches. Can't get enough of the before and afters.

Rugs. Couch attacks. Oh my god I love that. When they get the people in to like to do the suction thing. That's my favourite thing in the world to watch. Just anyone cleaning. I just find it so soothing. I'm just kind of goofing off in the dark watching people clean their homes.

It's weird. I don't know what it is. And I know it's a complete waste of my time. And I know my brain cells are melting out my ears and I should be reading Dickens or something. But there I am on clean talk. It starts off with some young couple's house in ottawa and it ends up in a crime scene in la and there's like people cleaning blood

off the walls and then i'm like go to sleep joanne i'm like what's he using on the wall there that's fab a scrub daddy oh i must order that online i don't don't even start watching people power hosing power hosing is the most addictive thing I've ever watched in my whole life and it's so hard to do yourself it looks so easy

but it takes ages you'd want to see it on Brain Matter because I've been watching that for a couple of nights now and it is very impressive that is disgusting do you want to hear the

I was looking at an in and out list right for 2024 in and out here is what is out you can't say the word slay anymore which is very unfortunate

because we say it all the time we're big slay people slay slay Jo slay do you know what I won't miss it I won't miss it I will not miss Slay at all.

I didn't even know it was in. It was always out to me. Tote bags. What? I'm not. Oh my God. You two are disgusting. I'm not a big fan of a tote bag now.

Is plastic back in? What's going on? Plastic is not back in. A tote bag is just bad for your back, bad for your shoulders. Just get yourself a backpack I think is what everyone's trying to say

okay well I'm cancelling the line of tote bags I was bringing in for next year could you not have told me this earlier on in the conversation I think your bags

are a different stop the conveyor belts your bags are a different kind of bag but I don't think you should bring it a tote bag. I just think you've now given the world a bag that can carry everything and its mother and you can't take that away.

I love a tote bag. Me and Gerold spent a lot of the tour talking about how much we love tote bags. We're big tote people. I'm not a tote person at all. I think it's because I get so many totes sent my way that I don't want another tote. Tell me more. I'm writing all this down are we talking about a tote I'm talking about the fabric tote bags that you get like if someone sends you like a candle it'll be in a fabric

yeah no I don't like them okay um okay headphones with wires Joanne you're in look I'm out I've got wires today I do think wires have been struggling fashionably for quite a while. I won't miss them either. I just think for me, I need to have a backup of wires because I threw an absolute meltdown when my headphones wouldn't connect to my laptop and I just don't want to be

in that place in my life again. So I'll have a backup. Insta-friendly homes. Great. No one has the time. I didn't write that, by the way. That was down. Well, I will say,

and I confession for say, and I, confession, for me, when I was scrolling through TikTok, I stumbled upon a woman who was kind of doing the whole cleaning house,

what I do in the morning, getting ready with three kids, blah, blah, blah. The content I kind of enjoy. Yeah. She said, my house isn't Insta-friendly, like it's just a normal house. And she's like, I want I want to you know just because it's a normal house doesn't mean

that I can't post videos and blah blah and I can tell you I didn't get the same kick out of it at all hands up I have to say normal babe moving on like I live in a normal house I want my tiktok my morning get ready with me content to be aspirational of sorts so I disagree with this list who wrote this list because now everything's been thrown out I tote bags are in

wires are in now that you say it like that I actually kind of agree with you you kind of do look at someone's house just to be like look how nice and gorgeous

and tidy their house is even though I'm just jealous and that's why I hate it it's just jealousy the house was it was just too regular for my evening scrowl. Even for me.

That could be my house, do you know what I mean? No, no, no. I'm not here to see myself. I'm going to keep that in mind. I'm not here. I'm not here for representation. I'm here for aspirational content.

Even like, yeah, I suppose. Okay, fine. I'll just sort my shit out drinking is back in because gen z have vandalized alcohol for too long this i didn't make this up by the way this is not made up by me this is made up by someone else on the internet what a guru oh my god this is actually gonna sound like ironing guys ironing it's back in breathing

breathing is huge for 2024 this is gonna sound like i did make it up menstrual cycles aren't big next year girls keep that shit to yourself third on the list 21 year old this is some 21 year old intern in an office they're just like fill this page with shit no it's not it's the internet third on the list YouTube at home workouts fuck gyms I didn't even write that

that's down there that has nothing to do with me and launching FlexiFit I swear to God okay we'll believe you and blind dates

hinge is a nightmare supposedly a minefield so blind dates are back in well I have to say if I was back in the dating scene I would be doing arranged dates I would in well I have to say if I was back in the dating scene

I would be doing arranged dates I would be doing I would be doing like who do you think I should date that's what I would be doing and I would be going to bars I would be going old school I would be going classic

I'd be lurking around gyms more with no headphones on because don't wear the headphones if you're looking for a date I would definitely or knickers yeah no knickers I would and wear the see if you're looking for a date. I would definitely be up. Or knickers. Yeah, no knickers. I would wear the see-through leggings

when you squat. I would be up bars as well and set up by people. And just in the gym, just make eye contact back with those incredibly sinister men who stare at you in the mirror. Yeah.

Did you hear about this dating site? Sorry, I screen grabbed the weirdest crap because of us. So a woman found a partner on Britain's dullest men Facebook group and said it's better

than Tinder. So there's a Facebook group in the UK called the dullest men and this woman said she's met the most amazing man on it. Any more information there?

No, it's the dullest. It's officially the new Tinder supposedly the dullest man on Facebook did he put himself up there

or was he put up there by someone else I think he put himself up there and he actually doesn't look that dull like he's wearing

a chain and stuff you know he's got some spice going on he's got a gold chain on smiling in the eyes it's men who

appreciate things like their tools being in the right order and being able to find them. Jesus Christ. Jo, stop turning me on. Yeah, like dads. Like my dad, dads would have been like, you know, my dad loved a crane.

He loved looking at cranes and ships and stuff. Yeah. Airplanes, that kind of thing. My dad loved looking at pints and vodka. Benson and Hedges, pints, a real passion of my dad's. Yeah. My dad didn't drink the crown he just looked at it

and I mean I'm sure he would have eaten it if he could he loved them so much but I recommend

Vogue I stan Spanian Vogue I stan Spanian Vogue I recommend Joanne and Joanne recommends me we've both given each other five stars strangely

a riveting raucous night a night full of fun and laughter with friends and boozing in the Americas with Joanne in the Americas

a triumph Spencer and Vogue. It's grand if you're into that sort of thing. Joanne McNally. Thank God she's left us for America. Is there a child in the mix? There is a child here. She has an earache,

so she's not well. How's her mood? I wouldn't say it's fantastic at the moment okay um she's got a sore ear

pigtails on a child are the most adorable things in the world pigtails on an adult woman are the most terrifying things in the world I think adult women that can swap

I do I do think that I was considering pigtail buns for myself because I think that I could get away with them. But like, I don't want you to see them. I know. Actually, I think two Princess Leia buns on you would look gorgeous. But can you imagine you with two ponytails?

You'd look deranged. You look a bit creepy. It's like the female version of an incel. That's the woman who's sitting down in her mother's basement with like long ponytails on either side of her head. And I, you know, I don't know why, but they're just, I just think they're wildly inappropriate for a grown woman. There's something too infantile about them. I don't like them. No, it is a bit creepy. Oh, here we go. Well, just by the way, I also love a list. And I was reading the, what was it?

Sunday Times magazine list, which I was obviously very, again, attacked by. Because it was like, oh. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Like, get over yourself kind of thing. And I was like, I'm sorry. This is obviously written by a 21 year old whose eyes aren't falling out of their heads.

Constantly. Go into this list. this should just show you how fucking ridiculous these lists are but obviously I'm also a bit into them Patrick Dempsey is coming back into fashion

now the man isn't dead he has not been dead he's been alive the whole time but apparently he's coming back he was just voted sexiest man alive I don't agree with it what?

yeah he was voted sexiest man alive about a month ago and I don't agree Jo we put you forward for that he was voted sexiest man alive about a month ago. And I don't agree. Jo, we put you forward for that. We just want you to know you've been rejected. Yeah. Well, I appreciate the consideration.

You didn't even make the short list. Heating up. Pasta water candle. The gift for the person who has everything. From the chic fragrance brand DS and Durga. Yeah, it's a candle that smells like pasta water. Which, from my experience, doesn't smell of anything. It smells a bit,

it smells like just hot dirt. It's disgusting. Do you remember those feet massagers that your grandparents used to use? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd bubble up. Those blue yolks in the air. It's like having a candle made of that shit.

You want like a white linen candle. You want your house to smell like clean washing, in my opinion whoever wrote you stop trying to push out pomegranate okay just sometimes the normal stuff works i told you pomegranate reminds me of dead dad that's the dead dad perfume the dead dad candle that's what we call it i can't have pomegranate candle do you know what joe malone recently sent me which i was very grateful for but i also found it a bit trolly they sent me a whole gift package of pomegranate noir and i was like oh thank you for reminding me of my father's passing i appreciate that squirt squirt with his finger

stitched to one of the little candle bags well thank you everyone so much for listening we have really appreciated a great year. Yeah, we have. And we really appreciate your support this year. We've had a great time on tour. And thank you to everyone who came to the shows. We loved them.

We had such a ball. We loved them. And thank you to everyone who voted for us. Because we won a couple of podcast awards this year and like we never win anything.

Yeah. So we're thrilled. Happy Christmas to you and yours. And Happy New Year. And anyone who's not yours. We're taking, we're thrilled yes happy Christmas to you and yours and happy new year and anyone who's not yours we're taking we're gonna take

a week off but you'll still have a bonus this week and then we'll see you after Christmas have a really good one lots of love