My Therapist Ghosted Me - Coffee Squabble, Jumpsuit News & Tears On A Plane

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

In the last few weeks, Joanne's been changed timezones more than she can cope... Back at home, Vogue had a spat over her morning coffee and there's plenty else to discuss, including Harry Styles, Gwyneth Paltrow & another awkward conversation about jumpsuits... If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Joanne McNally. I, once again, am calling you from the future in Sydney. Sydney's great, isn't it? You're pregnant with your eighth child.

You've fallen out of favour with little, is it little mix, little mistress? Who do you have that collab with? I can tell you what I'm very much in favour there thank you

you were caught giving a handjob to the Pope no one likes you anymore it was the puffer jacket 24 hours ahead you've been a very busy bitch when I saw the Pope in that puffer jacket

that was the end of it for me I thought you look great mate he looks amazing who's styling him he looks fantastic it was AI by the way

it's not real I did wonder was it real do you know when he just won a Belize thing I was like he looks like one styling him he looks fantastic it was AI by the way it's not real I did wonder was it real do you know when he just won a Belize thing I was like he looks like one of the lads he looks like this

day another day he's 17 video I was like thank god he's finally getting some good advice about how to stay relevant I know

and then do you know what when I found out it was wrong I was like he must walk around freezing actually because he only has that cloak

which is basically like a bed sheet maybe he wears thermals i don't know they never like to show that they're spending the communion money like they like to like pretend that the church doesn't have a lot of money and there he is walking around in mont clair excuse me is he wearing mont clair it was a mont clair jacket i'd say they they're animals i'd say they blessed a polar bear and then fucking skinned him alive so he'd be warm walking around the Vatican

can you imagine so it's the tiniest and the richest country in the world allegedly what the Vatican yeah all the money goes into the Vatican and then you've

do you ever see all that putting three quid in the basket at the weekend from their pension and then they're drinking out of chalice they're probably they're like drinking

out of pimp cups in the Vatican all weekend 100% with their scissor that juice that all the rappers are drinking they're drinking

they're drinking their verve clerk shit that you love the real I think they're drinking the dummy pee actually they wouldn't be touching the verve clerk

that's too cheap for them in their moncleres anyway well I tell you about my argument with Svenny this morning so you can tell me that I was right

okay Jo I'll even let you have an opinion on this so Svenny came in yesterday oh hi Jo didn't see him there hello

you're a father now so you're invisible to me I no longer see you as a sexual creature so your your box is blank excuse me Joanne we are very sexual He was a sexual creature. So your box is blank. Excuse me, Joanne.

We are very sexual. No, so anyway, yesterday he came into me and he brought me in a giant cup of black coffee. Bastard! No, but I always do nice things like that to him. I was just ready to defend you. I don't know what, okay, go on. And I said, I was like, oh no, thanks, babe. That's not how I take my coffee.

Because like I have three coffees a day the same way. And he sees me making them. And I was like, he has his coffee like that. He's pretending he's made me a coffee. Anyway, that wasn't the fight because that was yesterday morning. So I was like, oh, thanks a million. But like, no, I'm not going to drink that absolute turd of coffee. And then this morning, 10 past six, we're in the kitchen because our kids are cruel cruel cruel creatures uh and we're in the kitchen and he's like do you want a coffee and

i was like yeah well i show you how i make mine like not trying to be like in any way annoying although it probably sounded annoying i was like i just do it like this and then i just wait till the milk like settles for a bit so i don't get the froth at the top because I don't like the froth and anyway he sent shows me a cup of full froth coffee and I was like oh I was like I'll just get the froth off I don't like the froth I had said I didn't like the froth he got so angry with me told me that I don't like coffee properly that you're meant to drink it with the froth and all this bullshit we had a big fight sorry first two things are sticking out to me here the first thing I'm not gonna lie that alarmed me you call Spencer

babe did I say babe there yeah I did when I'm trying to when I know I'm being annoying by asking what way I want my coffee I have to throw a babe in so he's not so he knows I'm being kind so that's that you prove a point that I made with Alan right so he calls me babe now I'm not a babe so even when he says it you can tell it kind of

jars in his throat you're a babe no when he's like but what I've realised is when he says it he says it to soften the blow

of something yeah yeah of course so I'll be like oh where that's when they where's the remote and he goes I already told you babe so it's when they where's the remote and he goes

I already told you babe so it's like that it's like a softening of the basically it's passively it's basically an incredibly passive aggressive term

it's the thumbs up it's like it's just passive aggressive he'd be like oh I put that money in your account already babe it's that kind of shit well what I will say

is I was trying to soften the blow of you've made a complete balls of my coffee again and you're being a wanker about it and he wasn't accepting it

I can't stand that frothy shit at the top I was doing a shower recently and there was one of the women on the team she was so lovely she's like I'll make you coffee

and I think they think that you want the froth and I just scoop it off and put it in a bag of skiff I can't stand the froth it's disgusting it's always fucking cold it's gross

it's gross it It's gross. It's like, I want the milk at the bottom. So anyway, he went off to the gym and I sent him a, I sent him one of my messages. Hold up.

I sent him, I sent him, I sent him a, we need to talk. Can I speak to you outside for a second, please, Spencer?

I don't know if you noticed, but I woke up. No guys, everything's fine. Everything's fine. Just go speak to Spencer outside. Yeah. I woke up in a great mood.

I'll just, I'll read the start of it for all of you listening. This feels like this is for your other podcast. Okay. Would you like to hear the start? Yeah, sure.

I woke up in a really good mood this morning and you just completely changed that. So was this from you to him? Yeah. You don't need to be so snappy. I'm going to leave it there because I don't want to put too much

of my private life out there, but there you go. So I'm obviously still in Australia and will remain to be here for the next couple of weeks. You've only two weeks left that's it no loads of weeks left

I'm not back till May for Ghost in London what the hell date is it now it's not even April it's April you've four weeks left there it's April tomorrow just as we're

thank you for asking Vogue yes there are still tickets left for my Australian tour there's tickets for Melbourne New Zealand and actually that's it. Maybe I think that's it. So where are you going?

You're going to the Melbourne Comedy Festival for how long? Yeah. I have a lot. We have a lot of tickets to ship for that now. Ten shows I think. Ten shows.

And is it like kind of like a fringe? Yeah. It's less competitive actually because there aren't as many shows oh okay okay okay but anyway so I was flying from

Perth to Brisbane and I got on and the one of the cabin crew she was really sound and they come around they're like will you have a drink

and obviously I was like no I don't want a fucking drink that's why I got on the plane she goes well you have I said I'll have a gin and tonic so she came down she gave me she gave me gin and tonic and I drank that and then she gave me a second one I drank that and she's like they were doubles by the way and I was like oh thanks a million I really appreciate that and she was kind of winking at me anyway it doesn't matter then I watched went on to TikTok and watched a video a couple of videos

anyway it doesn't matter one of them was a woman giving birth to a baby girl and to so I started crying right and I didn't stop

for the length of the flight I cried and cried and cried to the point where I had to put my hood up I was like sobbing uncontrollably

I had to put my glasses on proper cry cried and cried started listening to Lady Gaga sing Not Shallow Hell what's that other one what's that film

A Star is Born Send Me Over the Edge cried and cried and cried and your man beside me you can see he was completely uncomfortable I just needed it

I needed to get it out of my system it was cathartic I just needed to just needed it all out of my body. And then I was like, I obviously want a baby. You didn't give a fuck when I showed you my birth video.

That's all I'm saying. I don't care about your kids. Not a tear shed. Not a tear shed. Like, and I'm, you know, as we know,

I'm on meds. It takes a lot for me to cry. Like, I'm quite sociopathic at the best of times. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried

and my body's kicking in. There's something happening. Something's changing gears here. Nothing would bring Joe and I more pleasure than if you brought a child into this world. Imagine all the shit

I could get rid of. I could just pile it on her I just desperately I want I want a baby girl I want a girl ah listen don't we all

don't we fucking all tell you what I want a girl what Jo what did you have again a girl well it feels like you're sort of building up

to offer me a sum of cash for my daughter is that what's happening here no but I will tell you this Jo if I do end up having a baby girl i'm taking that fucking buggy back that we got you for christmas

you know what i mean we'll be passing around and then i listened to stephen fry i started listening to that diary of a ceo and stephen fry had an episode and it was it was so good and obviously like i just i love stephen fry yeah yeah he's he's amazing you know he like he's such an Stephen Fry had an episode and it was so good. And obviously, like, I just... I love Stephen Fry. Yeah. Yeah, he's amazing. You know, he, like, he's such an interesting life. He was, like, when he was younger,

he talks about, like, obviously he's had a lot of mental health issues, but when he was younger, they didn't really know what it was. Now he's kind of diagnosed with bipolar. But he went to prison when he was younger, when he was, like, 18. He was in a pub and he stole a jacket.

And then in the jacket, there was a wallet with, like, someone's card in it. And he, like, just spent... in a pub and he stole a jacket. And then in the jacket there was a wallet with like someone's card in it. And he'd like just spent, he just booked himself into all these hotels and was traveling around. And then.

Yeah. Because in his head, he was like, oh, I know if you steal someone's bank card, they don't pay, the bank pays. So he just stole,

apparently he was a bit of a klepto back in the day. He'd said that himself now. And how long did he go to prison for? I don't know, actually. I don't know, but he went to prison and then he came out and he was like, okay, I'm going to now and how long did he go to prison for I don't know actually I don't know but he went to prison

and then he came out and he was like okay I'm going to try and get a scholarship and go to Cambridge and then he did and he kind of ended up going into academia and all that jazz

but your mom was asking him he's like have you any big any big regrets and he's like I regret not having a child so this was the next day after I cried for the entire length

of that plane journey and I was like there's something it's very universe it's very I don't even believe in the universe but suddenly it's like it's all coming at me coming at me loads I think that's interesting because like about six months ago you weren't in this spot you'd kind of decided that you wanted to go traveling you didn't want to have a baby and maybe now that you're away you're traveling you're doing what you thought you wanted to do that maybe actually you, maybe I'd like to have a baby. I just think maybe there's something kicking in.

I feel like it's like a... Oh my God, I'm so happy I could... I feel like I'm rooting around in a bargain basket in little. Let me know when you're thinking. Maybe we can do it together at the same time. That'd be fantastic. That's my life made. Life made.

Unfortunately, it doesn't happen like that we would be I feel like you'd be as moany as I am oh my gosh like because some people do not want to have kids and that's just and they're dead setting it and they're very happy within their lives but like it's funny that you would say that because I felt like at one point you were like that. I was always, I was always baby curious. It was never, it was never like a huge drive. It wasn't. But I was always, because I was with someone, I was with someone before who didn't want kids. So it was kind of off the table.

So I had to really think about it. And then, oh, sorry, I'm on my two more managers laptop. He's getting all these messages. Read them now. Now I'm like, poor Damien. You can tell he's like, he messages read them now but now I'm like poor Damien you can tell he's like he doesn't want me anywhere near his laptop

but I don't know I just feel like it's something you could do and just I just but this is terrible I'll be fucking killed for this

but I'd really want a girl is the only thing some people actually come out and say things like that and they say that how disappointed they were when they had

when they had a boy. And like Chrissy, wasn't it Chrissy Teigen went to New York? And you basically, what you do is you go, you do IVF. And within that IVF, they choose a girl embryo. And then you are guaranteed a girl. I'm not going to lie. If I had another kid if it's a boy

I've told you that just don't don't text me for a while boys are amazing Jo no offence to you none I guess there's something lovely about

like do you know what made me cry about this video that you're one it was on obviously we know gin is liquidized

sadness firstly okay it just is so we know gin is liquidized sadness firstly okay it just is so we have to factor that in I'm just having a moment it'll probably pass

by next week but I the TikTok video was this woman and she was holding this baby girl and she'd had boys before that

and she was like my boys mean the world to me but when I gave birth to this baby girl it felt like I'd known her all my life and that was it

I was gone cried for the hell fucking flight oh god she's gonna cry again I will say though I had boys first and I always wanted a boy first I don't know why I wouldn't really have made a difference in the end but like I had always wanted a boy first I don't know why well you aren't gonna have so many you're gonna end up having hybrids and everything you're gonna have so many kids you're gonna run out of options no I'll tell you what we had two kids in our bed last night

and I was like you know what I'm absolutely wrecked that's actually why Spenny and I had a fight about the coffee a really insignificant fight because we were both

absolutely knackered Jo I she's literally doing trailers for her other podcast now On this podcast No shame We actually have

A third date A third date Going on sale Will you hurry up And get these things Out of the way So we can fucking Start putting our show

Back on sale Mother of God A lot of men want Look I don't Look I don't know The science behind it But I do know There's something in me

That's like There's an urge there now To have a baby girl I think it's just The fantasy of it It's like the It's I haven't really thought

About the reality of it That's great I know I just Stick it in the backpack Bring it on the road A little cat bag And then they can

At least they can see it Or you could get One of those cat backpacks Where they have The little window At the front The window in the backpack bring it on the road a little cat bag and then they can at least they can see it or you could get one of those cat backpacks where they have the little window at the front the window in the back yeah

I love that news that's actually fun now you've put me in a really good mood after coffee gays I feel great now yeah I don't know

I just think maybe it's time to raise something why don't you get a dog first no dogs are actually more difficult they're more work tell me a bit more about your week I like this crying thing

I told you about that mad book I was reading so I've been crying daily and I can't stop reading this book I told you about your own death no it's not about my death it's about everyone else's death

and actually as the more I read the more I'm like do you know what this is actually quite like and she describes birth as being very much like death so it's the same kind of process

which makes sense in a way I think but like they're like the death wives and then you have the midwives so like there's the team of death wives anyway

so I've been crying every day and I really feel I think you feel lighter when you cry it is cathartic I was actually reading about it and they were saying that it kind of releases endorphins and and in your body that but that there's a thing called repressive coping as in like for well at men in particular because they're encouraged not to cry that it's unmasking and then it all kind of like it's a release it just felt amazing I'd forgotten how good it was to have a really really good cry and there's nothing wrong with me at the moment there's no real reason to cry to be honest like there's nothing wrong which is kind of terrifying as a

comic but there's really isn't but it just felt great now as I say I can't I wouldn't say it felt great for the man beside you but like no he it was great for you also. No, he was like, what the fuck? And then, the cabin crew woman who was giving me the gins when I did the show in Brisbane, she was in the second round. And I was like, that woman has seen me.

Yeah, she was spiking me. I was like, that woman has seen me at my lowest point. That was when I had, do you remember I told you I got wine drunk on the train? That was when I was like there was only time I've done that in public like out of control bawling crying like and I was like I had

to have wine because I was so like I was kind of embarrassed of myself on the train yeah yeah yeah yeah I know sometimes it just and I'm not a hot crier like some women I was you know what I was actually reading about I think it's all very interesting. This kind of sad girl aesthetic that's quite big online now. Do you know this kind of like, what do they call it? Kind of performative sadness. But that's kind of sexy. It's kind of cool to be like hot and sexy.

I haven't seen it. I'm only missing something. Yeah, it's kind of from the Tumblr days. It's like girls that like they're just like hot and sexy I haven't seen it I'm only missing something yeah it's kind of from the tumblr days it's like girls that like they're really just really hot and sexy but they're crying and sadness makes them more interesting and stuff I mean no anyway it doesn't matter performative vulnerability it's called because you know the way you see sometimes people crying on insta people crying online it's called performative that they're it's like this confession culture where people are kind of encouraged

to be really sad it kind of makes them more interesting and deeper than the rest of us but they're

when they're crying in line they always kind of look sexy and like interesting and cute I look like a fucking gargoyle

well anyway but especially when I cry like the chin goes like a million miles an hour there's nothing sexy about me

crying at all I wish you'd done a video for us and put it on instagram so we could have seen it i'm thirsty but i'm not fucking that thirsty that's like you do your life doesn't even fix those people like i want to be careful around like speaking about that because i understand that people would get upset but i just i never i wouldn't know what point during my cry that I would begin filming myself because like I'm like it's a weird one oh come here to me by the way I was thinking you're in Sydney do you know how I like got my first break in TV like straight after Fade Street so my first break was doing a whole TV show about Home and

Away I went to Australia and I got to went to australia and i got to meet like alf stewart remember irene i got to meet the whole cast and crew of home and away you know they go to ireland and clean up so like the hot huge yeah the hot young ones go and do like nightclub tours of ireland and they are making like 100 grand and like a little run around mental huge because and i think it's one of those shows it's like a fair city which is our kind of national

soap opera it's like a fair city was absolutely huge in Australia and they go out there and they're superstars I don't think it's as big in Australia

as it is in Ireland and the UK I did an hour long special all about Home and Away where do what an eclectic career you've had

it is an eclectic career isn've had it is an eclectic career isn't it where's that it was on RT it's probably on the RT player god I don't know hopefully it never

arises but now that I've mentioned it it might pop back up I have to say though when you're kind of living in the sun and when you're kind of on the beach

and you're like why why does anyone live anywhere else I know it was absolutely pissing rain here yesterday and I actually thought that to myself yesterday it was the kind of rain that you couldn't go out wasn't

it shown it's just like what am I doing I mentioned suction bagging my coats on Monday and the amount of mails I got off people there's some saying no clout in May or something like that that you absolutely cannot suction bag your coats till May May halfway through the summer then who the fuck out no one out suction bags their coats Vogue

what groups are you in all excuse me all my followers okay sorry Jo I didn't realise you had so much wardrobe space

that you don't need to suction bag your coats Jo lives in this absolute mansion in Surrey How much are we paying him? You shouldn't have to suction pack anything If I don't have to suction pack You shouldn't have to suction pack

Joanne, do you know why you don't have to suction pack stuff? And I will tell you why I know this is true Because I was speaking to one of our friends, James And I was like She just leaves a lot of stuff And I'm like But if she leaves that amount of stuff and I'm like but if she leaves that amount of stuff when she's just with me for a day she leaves that amount of stuff

everywhere so I don't know how you have any stuff I know it's everywhere it's so sad like this I'm gonna be living out of a suitcase for this whole year you won't have anything left how much stuff have you lost so far couple of things couple of runners my Tyler Morris sunglasses oh no yeah no yeah the black zeros

well I'm glad because I have them too and I don't want to be copying each other so yeah yeah I'm like a

40 year old backpacker basically I mean there's there's worse ways to live your life very true where's the baby gonna go

in the backpack at the top of the backpack do you have to pay basically. I mean, there's worse ways to live your life. Very true. Where's the baby going to go? In the backpack, at the top of the backpack. Do you have to pay to bring a baby on the plane? Not until they're two. 25 quid, I think, until they're two.

Okay. And then it's full price. You can come with me until you're two. Yeah. And then you have to go and live with nanny. And then you go back to Denmark

and try and find your sperm down her father because mummy's working. I went to Soho Farmhouse this weekend go on so I went for my cousin Killian's birthday and now it's his 30th

so they're all like around his age found it very hard to keep up I went absolutely wild on the Friday night I woke up on Saturday and decided that

I wanted to go home what's wild to you though were you knitting in bed by 9pm what's wild to you 5am absolutely wild on the Friday night. I woke up on Saturday and decided that I wanted to go home. What's wild to you though? Were you knitting in bed by 9pm? What's wild to you? 5am. 5am. Yeah, I know. So I woke up on Saturday. I really had to try and hold back crying. And I just thought to myself for about an hour, I was like, I think I'm going to go home. I want to go home now. I'm going home. Now that I'm a mother to an invisible child, I'm like, God, Vogue, 5am, where are the kids? I'm still catching up. They weren't there. Why not? He was

looking after the children, Vogue. Spenny's parents came over to stay and they loved it. They loved looking after the kids, so there'll be a lot more of that happening. Tell you the great thing about I have this child, I won't need to have nannies or any of that shit because I will just

drop it down to both and she won't even fucking notice or just throw it into the ball pong thing that they play in I would love that I'd honestly love that

yeah I'd just be like stay there for a couple of years mummy's going on the road that's my favourite time of them a couple of years perfect yes

you'll have to come back for the christening I know you're not a fan of christening to yourself but you'll have to come back for the christening I know you're not a fan of christening to yourself but you'll have to come back to the christening right I tell

if I I'm not going to my own child's christening couldn't be the priest arrives in his monkler and Joanne's like no thanks I'm not going

and I'll be like the christening's happening mine I'm gonna head I'm gonna dunk it in the sink and get on with my day good luck I'm going to dunk it in the sink and get on with my day. Good luck. Did you feel that tension?

I just saw you hand a laptop off to someone in the background. Was that him? Yeah, he's my husband. Is that the monster that is your husband? He hasn't. He is. With the frothy coffee. What a fucking wanker. Yeah, get out of here with your frothy shit.

It's a gaslighting me with your froth. You know I don't like that shit. He didn't answer my message which points me to the fact that he thinks he too is in the right well I'm here to tell you my friend

would you not just start crying would you not just start crying I don't have a cry in me couldn't be honest no I don't have a cry in me I'm really I'm really stubborn about stuff like that

I saw Blac Chyna was being christened recently she's a newly christened woman I'm really stubborn about stuff like that. I saw Blac Chyna was being christened recently. She's a newly christened woman. Have you seen all that? What the fuck is going on with her? I think she's found God. Oh, you're joking me. But I think... Who finds God nowadays?

Everyone's losing God. Why are you finding God? He's gone. It's over. Maybe she was looking for him. I it's over maybe she was looking for him I don't know she was looking for him it's now science and AI

and Mars and robots and Elon Musk no one's finding God anymore because I saw she was getting all her fillers removed and I was like there's something going on yeah all her fillers removed

she's gone back to her normal name well not normal name her birth name Angela I like the name Angela if God's not a fan of Botox I want nothing to do with him I'll forgive everything else I'm not getting involved in this conversation because I know where I want to go when I

when I die and it's not just in the ground I wonder why and this isn't this a terrible thing to say but but I'm gonna say it anyway go But I'm going to say it anyway, go on. But I'm going to say it anyway, because I'm amongst friends here. Isn't it terrible that I think in this day and age, if you found God, that there's just something that you're not in the right place? I actually personally think it's nice to have something like that in your life if it makes you happy, you know what I mean? Yeah, like, yeah yeah I'm all about being happy and all but like yeah I mean I get it it's like clairvoyance and mediums and all I don't believe in any of that shit star signs but if it makes you happy you see I love all that stuff and I have a girl

um who reads tarot cards and I'm trying to get it I'm trying to get it like she is now no okay right this girl is I've known her for years she's actually from Australia I've known her for years and like she just she's not what you would think a clairvoyant or someone who reads cards would be like she's not going around in this long coat cloak with this like floor-length gray hair she's like she looks like she looks like you like she's really cool she's like oh thanks and she said stuff to me when I was pregnant with Gigi but I didn't know and I'd only just done a pregnancy test and it was like no you're not pregnant and i was doing cards with her and she's like you're pregnant i was like i'm not pregnant like i know i'm not pregnant because

i've been doing like tests blah blah blah two weeks later pregnant i know but i'm not being bad but like i could anyone could predict that you'd be pregnant at any time it's not it's not exactly reaching for the stars now I would like to say thank you to all of our listeners who kindly sent me hundreds of messages about the fact that

Colin Farrell is now single if you I got I got so let's hey hey hey

let's let Colin choose okay there's not many there's not much that we'd fall out over long term. But if you got up on Colin Farrell, I'd kick off. Joanne.

That's the truth. I would fucking emirata your ass and I wouldn't give a shit. I would take your man. I would take him. Speak, speak, bitch. I am so... When I say I'm obsessed by something

I must have watched that kissing video 150 times I'm not joking I can not stop myself

I think about it before I go to bed I think about it when I wake up I'm obsessed by it and I don't know why I feel like we're living half a life

not being in Hollywood like what is going on like they're I know they're just all dipping their wick into everyone it doesn't seem to matter who's dipped before

whose wick it is I like I always like said it's like the human centipede they're all just up each other's hell the whole time and like it doesn't matter

like there's like if this was Hollywood I'd have banged Spencer like three times at this stage well you have twice it's London so I only did it once

I'd forgive you for that i would i'd honestly i know we're above that no but emmerata right and so i was looking at the video sorry sorry sorry the abbreviation thing it's a problem oh em Radikowski Emily Radikowski right that absolute ride um who looks like she was built in a lab by a 14 year old boy yeah yeah so you know the way I said to you before I was like when we were talking about Suki Waterhouse and uh Bradley Cooper's girlfriend Irina Shake the new girlfriend like I'd hate if my ex went out with somebody that hot imagine your ex starts scoring em rata emily radikaisky sorry it's easier because her name is so long so so so are her and olivia wilde friends so listen were they friends here's where the plot thickens em rata is a girl I can't

call her anything else it's I'm sorry it's the Australians have done this to me so Emrata was actually at a Harry Styles concert with his Olivia Wilde about like I don't know six months ago they're sitting right near each other at the Harry Styles concert because they are mates hold on were they there together or they were just there at the same time they're friends supposedly and there was a picture of them only like 10 days ago at this event where they're together being photographed together because they're friends and then emirata who goes on about being like this powerhouse for women went and did the dirty on her friend olivia i know harry styles is a ride and i know i've had sex with Alan on Joanne but that is not acceptable listen

what I will say is and this is actually a great opportunity to make this point you can be as feminist as you want but no one's a fucking saint like I've done shit

I'm not proud of you've done shit you're not proud of Joe I don't know what you do in your spare time but I assume you're not proud of any of it

he wanks snakes off remember I don't like that yeah do in your spare time, but I assume you're not proud of any of it. He wanked snakes off, remember? I don't like that, yeah. He's going down on hamsters the weekend. I know. It was just so, I feel so bad for Olivia Wilde. I just mean, like,

this is going to kick off now and we're going to pitch them against each other and like, no one's got no, no one's got no skeletons in their closets. No one's a saint. No one's got no no one's got no skeletons in their closets no one's a saint no one's a saint

I kind of want Olivia Wilde to get back with her ex which I don't think is going to happen because they're in a dirty little no I don't think

that's going to happen but I just I feel I feel I feel really bad for her because if that is one of your friends

like and you just I know people make mistakes but like it's just like oh god that's so bad but it's so funny like when you're when you meet like a guy that you have this like insane chemistry with sometimes the morals just go out the window i know but i just you have to if it well and you know what else do you know what else we don't really know if they're best

mates we don't know supposedly they are good friends and i would i would feel bad for it but at the same time harry styles should uh not put them in that position either yeah why are we oh my god i didn't even think to bring harry styles into it i'll tell you what harry styles to do woman harry styles should just score me and leave the two of them out of it it's not fair but it's like we never held men accountable it's like well hold on now let's be mature about what Olivia thinks and what Emily's doing

and it's actually hold on a fucking second the only person here who should be stopping that is him do you know what else so I immediately went to Emily Radicasey's comments on Instagram when it came out because Harry Styles's fans are known as being like they will go and get your ass so here's one you're not even divorced yet leave Harry alone every day a new man good example for

your kids this is because she kissed Harry Styles leave him alone hag she's obviously not a hag come on bitch make it all you want just not in public and here's one so you're the one who took my man okay now we have problems thousands of comments stay away from harry styles like he's a child like he's a toddler in a pram that lad knows exactly what he's doing he does you know like hollywood seems do you never do you ever kind of look at hollywood and what they're up to and feel like you're living a half life yeah but i don't think that they're up to as much as we think they're up to i don't know i genuinely don't think that people are up to that much like i'm up to absolutely nothing sometimes Sometimes people think that I'm doing something interesting. Yeah, because you live in Battersea, Vogue.

Not Hollywood. Battersea is the Hollywood of London. Okay? It's not true. A man like Harry Styles, he just loses sex appeal like a snail. I know. I think that's why I couldn't stop watching the video

because I was like, God, he's so hot. Don't go out with people that are too hot because then they'll get with Emily Ratajkowski. That's what I've learnt about this situation. One of our favourite things that has been going on,

Gwyneth Paltrow and her lawsuit. Have you been watching things about it? Oh my God. Is it not? Jo is even amazed by it. Is it not the most? I'm so glad

that she took this case because it is, she might have lost a day skiing but she she doesn't care about losing any days for this half a day now she only lost a half a day a half a day ski i so when when it first came up like so i did a bit of a deep dive on it today there's a really funny article in the guardian about it where they're like this should be in the Hague like it's the most entertaining thing that's happened in a courtroom so good and she's Vogue

Gwyneth's trying to suggest it was basically a sexual assault but your man is like he's never been the same since he got run over with a ski

and that like he lost his relationship and all this jazz I just don't originally I was like oh maybe Gwyneth's just being a bit spoiled I read a bit about it

and your man's an absolute chancer oh my god he is a spoofer of the week remember we used to have a spoofer of the week he is a spoofer of the week he like

she landed on top of him which meant he crashed into the back of her like if he if she crashed into him he wouldn't be on top of her you know what I mean

what? no she drove into him no he drove into on top of her you know what I mean what no she drove into him no he drove into the back of her is what she's trying to say and he's and he was grunting

and he was grunting apparently yeah and she thought it was a sexual assault now she's being she's being you can tell by

she knows full well it wasn't a sexual assault but he's gone she's trying to make a show out of him basically I know she's looking for that one dollar in um what are the damages something stupid damages she wants one dollar and the defense lawyer was like well taylor swift did that are you just trying to do with taylor swift are you friends with taylor swift trying to go into her like relationship with taylor swift like alluding to the fact that she'd given taylor swift

a dildo as a gift and the court are like that really doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about the defence lawyer is amazing have you not watched her? So was she

Gwyneth's solicitor or not? No she's not Gwyneth's solicitor and she's fan-girding her Oh because she keeps trying to connect with her she's like oh my god

look we're the same height and stuff it's like what is she doing? And do you know When are we going to court it looks like so much fun it looks so fancy but your man wants 300 grand i remember last week you're like would she not just give him the 300 grand the whole thing was obviously so ridiculous that she's like i'm not giving him the 300 grand like absolutely now that i've read a bit about or something like that

lad is an absolute chancer she needed to come back from the bone broth soup and now she is cool again in our eyes because watching her do this is so fantastic. And it's the glasses. She looks like she's in court because she killed her husband. Those glasses are so true crime HBO 101. Like, I'd watch that.

It's very Betty Broderick. Very Betty Broderick fires off granny. Those glasses are so true crime HBO 101. Like I'd watch that and it's all very it's very Betty Broderick. Very Betty Broderick fires off granny. Stop clogging up her time. She needs to make more candles and shit. I'm like I'm

completely invested in goop now. I love half a day skiing. The half a day skiing was It's like she knows she knows she's being ridiculous she's just leaning in

she brought in treats to give to the bailiffs in chorus and they were like no you're not allowed to do that she wanted to just give them all a load of treats that she'd brought in

that's bribery you can't do that but your man like I'm so embarrassed for him he's like a doctor is he not an optometrist

or whatever like an eye doctor yeah a doctor with the eye Scarlett I know Scarlett and you're one second

what point did you know it was Glenith Paltrow and he's like what oh is it I don't know he's fucking in court sorry so yeah

so he gets himself down the mountain refuses medical treatment and then decides to go off on his own to get his own medical treatment I mean come on I don't need to be a tarot card reader to know off on his own to get his own medical treatment. I mean, come on.

I don't need to be a tarot card reader to know this man is going to lose. I'm predicting it now. My tarot card reader told me that this man was going to lose, so. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

So that was allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. So that was allegedly. Allegedly. We have just put up a new date for the UK for My Therapist Girls With Me Live. We have got Brighton Dome on the 8th of September. We have got Bristol Hippodrome on the 9th of September.

That's an amazing date. And we've got Liverpool on the 13th of September. Also, if you're based in America, I am coming alone, sadly, to Boston on the 12th of May and Chicago on the 13th of May. I wouldn't say the tickets are flying out. I looked up other amazing court cases because that one was so ridiculous this one is called ugly baby a chinese man divorced his wife and sued her for giving birth to what he called an

extremely ugly baby girl apparently at first he thought his wife had cheated on him because there was no way a good-looking guy like him could have or even produce an unattractive baby. His ex-wife proved the baby was his through DNA, but she had had a shitload of cosmetic surgery worth about 70 grand in South Korea and basically looked like a different person. So he sued her for not telling him about the plastic surgeries and making him think that she was actually beautiful. He won the case and he won £80,000. I hate to piss on your parade.

But I remember when that story came out and it was a PR stunt from a cosmetic clinic. No! So smart, yeah. Jo, cut that out, i tell cut that bit out joanne we don't deal in fact we don't deal in trying to swamp no but so it was a pure a pure company like it was a pure stunt on the part of a cosmetics company that basically they could make you into such a ride that your kid will be in bits and your husband will sue.

I mean, it kind of got lost in translation, but yeah, it wasn't true. That's kind of amazing. I remember at the time because I worked in PR at the time and it happened

and I was like, that's fucking brilliant. Well, luckily, because Joanne's here to reign all over my parade, I got some more examples. And Auntie, this really reminded me of you,

something like you would do. Jennifer Connell sued her 12-year-old nephew for breaking her wrist when hugging him at his birthday party. The jury awarded her damages of just over a million dollars. Tell you, I can't fucking wait till Gigi quacks my finger and I'm going to take her from you for every single penny. I'll be like, Gigi, pull on my finger. It's a funny joke.

Pull on my finger. And instead of farting I'll sue everyone okay if you think you have a bad ex listen to this Richard Batista decided enough was enough

when his cheating wife presented him with divorce papers he promptly decided to force her to return the kidney he had given her eight years previously

to save her life or pay 1.5 million dollars she had ripped out his heart and now he wanted her to rip out his kidney i would a hundred percent you'd be raging if you gave your kidney to someone like that that's unacceptable no there's a like there's a lot of t's and c's with giving a kidney for me personally now yeah we went through this when we went through the selena thing you've got to just if you're going to give the kidney give the kidney and don't be mean about the kidney

it's not yours yeah you have to kind of um what was that what was the film where the uh will smith was in it oh seven bands oh oh Oh No Where they just had that Zapper gun They would zap your memory And just like dry your memory Yeah

That's what you need If I gave someone an organ When he gave the organs away It's the thing of like Doing something nice Doing a charitable Gesture Yeah

But not having it Recognized Like That's the ultimate I know Gesture Whereas I'd want it recognized I'd be like gesture but not having it recognised like that's the ultimate gesture whereas I'd want it recognised I'd be like there's the kidney

but I want you to be grateful every day that I gave you I always sorry but I do I do loads of nice things on the private right and there's nothing more

that I'm hoping is that it comes out in the public folk you've donated things I mean who did you give your tits to? I donated them to my sister, Amber.

Isn't she great now? Look at Folk Williams there, flat as a pancake. She's clearly donated the brass to somebody more in need. There's no one more in need there's no one more in need than I am of a bit of a tit

yeah you need to get those tits back Mark I don't know who the fuck you gave them to I know well because you get pregnant and then people get the illusion that I have tits

when actually in actual fact I'm kind of concave I go in 17 year old Stella Liebeck spilled a cup of McDonald's coffee on her lap and had burned herself everyone laughed when she declared she was suing McDonald's until a jury awarded her 2.9 million dollars so she left McDonald's with the coffee got into her car took the lid off spilt it on herself like no one else spilt it on her

spilt it on herself in her car and still got three million dollars I'm sorry now I I'm sorry I'm going to have to

piss in your parade again that is Joanne I watched a documentary about her and she was an elderly woman and

they gave her the coffee it was a drive through and they put it in between her leg and the burns, you should Google it, were so bad. The coffee was like, it was like proper. Because at the time it, it looked like it was such a ridiculous case. They were like, oh, the fucking Americans, they'd sue for anything. But she, it was, they were completely in the wrong. They basically gave her a cup of lava

and she was a very elderly woman and it burnt all the inside of her legs off she had to get skin grafts and everything oh jeez

I can't see any of the pictures of her skin sorry I don't have it well well you're not you're not really raining on my parade

because it still happened it did oh 100% happened but there was weirdly there was this show on Netflix I can't remember what it still happened it did oh 100% happened but there was weirdly there was this show on Netflix I can't remember what it was and it was talking about

kind of the suing culture and how people are so dismissive of it now it is a scary culture because you're like people are suing for everything

at the moment but that was a genuine case and I'm sorry Naive Hug I'm sorry I didn't say she wasn't allowed to sue right if I was a barrister

I'd want to wear stenos I don't want that wig I want to wear stenos I don't want that wig I want to wear like oh god yeah we get lovely but oh wait

you see me next week you won't recognize me I'm going into Hadley and he's turning me into Rosie Huntington Whiteley you know

the way you go in and you have like a picture of somebody you want to look like well I'm bringing her in today we're changing my whole

hair it's gonna be long it's gonna be more brown I'm gonna look like Rosie oh nice I know I'm excited for my

new change joe who did you bring in people need to know how this happened it's just so erect joe i mean your hair is unusually erect it is it's unusually erect yeah yeah because you had to go at me on the last one because i hadn't uh i hadn't brushed my hair so i made the last time it was very the last time but it's strangely erect today he puts he puts jizz in his hair and that is why it stays like that like something about mary now my last one medicine yeah pearson versus chung this guy basically brought his trousers to a dry cleaner as they lost him. And he decided to sue them for 40 million for inconvenience, mental anguish and fees for representing himself as a result of their failure. He didn't win the case, but he tried for four years to try and take them to court.

So can you imagine how much money? Four years. We're big supporters of pettiness and I actually kind of respect that I'd say it absolutely

were they like made out of a Fabergé egg why the fuck would you care that much about a pair of pants we all have a favourite pair of trousers

Joanne you don't have a favourite everything because you lose stuff everywhere so yours is just banished I need to talk to you about that jumpsuit

but we'll do that off air what jumpsuit which one perfect'll do that off air. What jumpsuit? Which one? Perfect. It doesn't matter. The pink jumpsuits?

The pink jumpsuit. I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you this. That's one of my favorite jumpsuits and she doesn't have any more. No, I do. It's still here. It's just in separate pieces now because there was an incident where I had to squat

and the gusset tore. But I have it in with a very experienced seamstress I can't take this shit anymore yeah and it's going to be tighter than your vagina

by the time you get it back there won't be a fucking inch gone in that gusset where's the second one that you were sent as a backup it's still in the backup box

that woman is going to start mailing me that was from her own personal collection she sent you a backup and you haven't given it back and mine is torn to shreds they have no it's not torn to shreds it's just it's just it's just a kind of a it's like a locket it's two pieces name and when it comes together it'll look amazing again i have a team working on it you know your dry cleaning that you left here I'm going to go down and burn it

I'm having a bonfire of Joanne's bits what dry cleaning do I leave what dry cleaning you've left loads of shite here but it's a sign

of our friendship because I'll stitch it back together and we'll be together forever if anyone else wants to borrow clothes I'm more than happy for you to do so joanne you on the

other hand are barred thank you very much for listening to my therapist ghost with me with me vogue williams and her the ruiner of everything i own good night Bye.