My Therapist Ghosted Me - Desperate Suitcase, Muscular Owl, Exciting Announcement...

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

It's a classic MTGM with a million different topics today. Far too many to be noting down. To summarise... Bats, owls, hippos, holidays, comas and.... Festivals. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally, and herself, Vogue Williams. Nice to have you here. Look at the way Joe's sitting there, back from his wedding. His true self has come out. He's looking very Metro over there. Look at the image. A spitting image of summer. Thanks. How was your wedding?

So nice, thanks. How was it? Are you still married? Is it working out? It's working out. Really, still? Yeah. Five more years, Joe.

Oh my God, it's my four-year anniversary today. Of what? Of Spencer and I being married. No way! Yeah, so... Oh my God, so one more year to go. One more year max.

Max. And then we're out. We're back on the market. Both of us forgot, but I remembered first. So I text him at like 11 o'clock. I was like,

oh, happy anniversary. And his mom texts us and everything then saying happy anniversary. I hate, you know what annoys me when people are like, it's their birthday

and you ring them but you don't remember it's their birthday. I know. And then you find out after the me when people are like, it's their birthday and you ring them but you don't remember it's their birthday. I know. And then you find out after the fact and you're like, sorry,

I didn't realise it's your birthday. It's okay. Just tell me it's your birthday. I know. I tell anyone who rings me on my birthday, I say, hello,

it's my birthday because I'm like, I'm not going to do it to you. I get that people don't remember. I'm not on Facebook anymore. There's no possible way that anyone would remember my birthday.

I took it offline. Hello, how are you? It's my birthday. I just don't like when people go real Vic to me about it. Do you know what I mean? Some people are weird about my birthday. I took it offline. Hello, how are you? It's my birthday. I just don't like when people go real Vic to me about it. Do you know what I mean? Some people are weird

about the birthday. Like Amber, she had to have a birthday extravaganza. It's not a big birthday. Everyone's like, oh, is that Amber's 40th? I'm like, no,

it's just like a normal birthday. She had like four birthdays. Sometimes a woman needs four birthdays. So what are we going to start with? I've started the soft launch of my new squeeze.

The soft launch. You know, four space gins instead of two. Who's this now? What? And it's so funny, the girls DMing me,

like, the girls are like, do you want any of the fuck of this? Because I talk so much about my private life that anything I haven't discussed,

they're like, what the fuck? She does keep private about some things. Like, she actually does have a private life. I can't believe you've kept it under wraps even for this long. Aging is very private to me. I keep my aging under wraps.

No, we've started saying what age we are only because we forget. And also, I think it's important. I don't think, I don't agree, I no longer agree with women lying about their age. As in, I don't think it's a good message to be lying about your age.'t agree. I no longer agree with women lying about their age. As in, I don't think it's a good message to be lying about your age. I agree.

You actually said your age in your show the night I was there. I was like, what? I'm 39. Not that anyone's looking to me for life advice, but I just think it's a bit... You're 29, but you look 29 and that's what matters most. That's what matters. The lies.

I don't think that your insides look 29. Oh my gosh. At the insides look 29 oh my gosh the insides of a man in his 80s I actually needed some advice off you yesterday when I wanted to

just like honestly it was the worst day ever I had the best night out on Monday night and Monday night out didn't get home

till 3 and then yesterday it's just the fear engulfs me I can't take it but you're so healthy. Like, I'd say if you cut me open, just a load of smoke would billow out.

A couple of condoms. A straw. I did wonder that. I'm like, why does she not, like, beat herself up when she's hungover? Because I'd be beating myself up all the time. I have a work, I have a job. I don't have enough time to beat myself up

over the amount I drink. I just can't focus on it. I felt so guilty. It made me not want to do it again. But now I feel I had nine hours sleep last night and I'm ready to get back on the wagon.

There is something about the fear being an actual medical thing. Like it's something about when your liver's trying to rejuvenate itself that it emits this kind of like hormone

or something. I don't know. Look, I'm obviously never big on the details but there's a reason for it. This kind of sense of hormone or something. I don't know. Look, I'm obviously never big on the details, but there's a reason for it. This kind of sense of dread. I just never get it anymore. No, because Benny was like,

do you remember you started a fight with me last night? I was like, no. And he actually told me about it. And then he was like, during the day, he was like, I wish I'd never told you that. It wasn't that bad. I'm like, I can't believe I was so made to you. There's nothing worse than when someone goes,

do you like remember what you did last night? Do you remember what happened last night? No? You don't remember? You made an absolute tit of yourself and pissed everyone off.

I think it's unacceptable to tell people. Like, I don't, I have to say, I remember, I remember the last thing I remember, but that did not involve

me getting home. So I don't remember any of getting home. I don't know if I was in an Uber or a taxi, but I was with Spence, so I suppose I let loose a bit more. And. I don't know if I was in an Uber or a taxi. But I was with Spence so I suppose I let loose a bit more

and because I know he's sober I'm like, I'm safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually a really nice thing is you're Desi D, your designated driver at all times. Yeah, exactly.

So I did make it home. You have the lobster pot parked outside the front ready to go and throw you in the back. I love the idea of you being thrown around in the back of a lobster pod, please. Sorry, I was looking at the list of pod topics that you still insist on using, even though

no one else looks at it. And then you send me the screen grab of it to try and make me do it. And I still refuse to do it. Why is one of the topics, where is Otto? Is that not something you should know? Oh, no. It's like oh as this child's godmother I demand to know where this child is.

Has he been lost? Where is Otto? No it's just so funny But it was under like got a facial had a fight with Spen where is Otto? It wasn't even the first issue

it was like way down the list. It was because whenever I post like a picture of like me and Sheegee or Theodore or something like that like the amount of people that ask me where is Otto

like he's around. He's never far from my side. You're like I don't bloody know. He's got his own life. Yeah I don't know. Back off. He's fiercely independent. He's six weeks old now.

He likes to do shit on his own and that's just the way we have it. I haven't really bonded with him in any way. What's the crack? Is he talking yet? He's ready for bonding. He started smiling. I haven't really bonded with him in any way. What's the crack? Is he talking yet? He's ready for bonding. He started smiling.

What would you do if you came in and I was breastfeeding him? Honestly, what would you do? I'd actually feel... I wouldn't be that annoyed. No. That's what they used to do in the villages. It wasn't just one tit.

If a baby needed to be fed, it didn't matter. The baby had to be fed. This is very off-putting, people in the background. They're looking at us now. You've got your back to them. Tell them to go away. It didn't matter. The baby had to be fed. This is very off-putting, people in the background. They're looking at us now. You've got your back to them. Tell them to go away.

What can I do about it? You're like your man, Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum. What the fuck is his name? Oh my God. Channing Tatum.

Am I having a stroke? He could be Channing. Channing Tatum. You will go out there, Vogue, and you say, I'm fucking Voguey McWilliams. I'm Voguey McVogerson No one looks directly at me

Unless I say they can Alright Get up out of your desk Get out of the station Go home Theodore started calling me Voguey What? That's not

That's not that I know He's like Voguey I'm like no Mama Mama Yeah not Voguey I always thought it was weird

When people called their parents, you know, like, you know, their adult names when we were kids. Some people's parents like that. Like some grannies,

I was not allowed to call my granny, granny, I had to call her Jean. She didn't want to be called a granny. That's fair. I don't think I'd like

to be called nanny. Yeah. Glammy. No, just no. Fogey. Fogey. old nanny. Yeah. Glammy. No, just no. Foggy. Foggy. My holiday? Oh, yeah. That looked like a good holiday. A very nice, really romantic holiday. It was very romantic. What did you do every day?

So I have a new man friend. So we went to Barcelona. What do we call him this one? I don't know. Can we call him Finbar? No, I want to be able to ride him again. I'm not calling him Finbar. Keith.

Come on, Finbar. I'll be a fire, Finbar. That's his bat. Keith's worst. Have you never seen Family Guy where they do that whole thing about the name Keith? No. Because it's the's bad. Keith's worst. Have you never seen Family Guy where they do that whole thing about the name Keith? No.

Because it's the worst name in the whole world. I'm sorry if anyone out there is called Keith. I didn't write it. Which means, if they're called, there are Keats in the world.

No, Keith is disappearing. Keats are going right down there and Ciarán. Ciarán's nearly gone off a cliff. That name. Really? It'll come back around though. It's like there's a fashion of names,

like Maud and all the kind of old-school Irish names are coming back in. How do I... I don't... Peter is a bit of a funny old man name as well. Let's call my new lad Peter. Peter? Okay, perfect.

How's Peter? He's really good. So me and Peter went to Barcelona and he is like highly organised, really clean, doesn't look like a criminal at all. Like, well,

he could be a white collar criminal, if you know what I mean. Like, he's not like a... Like more into fraud and stuff like that. Exactly, like high-end banking fraud would probably be his vibe.

He does look, he looks like he smells nice. He smells, he smells, I said to him, he smells like a bench, a sexy, sexy bench.

Okay. Like mahogany. Yeah, you know the wood. Oodie, oodie. I asked him, it's not oodie, I said to him he smelled like a bench a sexy sexy bench oh okay like mahogany yeah you know the wood oh oody oody I asked him it's not oody it's something else

but it's that man kind of like wood smell leather you know yeah leather and brick we're into that

but he looks like his hair would even smell nice like if I walked behind him I'd smell his hair yeah no he's high end

yeah so I'm quite low end you know what so how we ended up even managing to make it to Barcelona If I walked behind him, I'd smell his hair. No, he's high end. Yeah. So I'm quite low end. Do you know what? So how we ended up even managing to make it to Barcelona together is quite the miracle. Actually, what did he think when you opened your suitcase in the room? Because like everything just pops out. I don't know how it happens.

Well, the judgment started when he saw the suitcase before he even opened it. He was like. Was it the purple one? It's the purple one. It's this huge piece of shit suitcase that I got from pennies right it's cracked

the handle doesn't work it's covered in wine and coffee stains Amber actually slags that as well I love the bloody cheek of you you have a

40 year old Samsonite bag who Amber does she has my step dad's old Samsonite bag from years ago and she's slagging your purple case

now my my thing my attitude towards that suitcase is, because he was saying, you travel so much. It is desperate. It's desperate. It's desperate. But he was like, you travel so much, would you not get something nice?

But I was like, but no, because I travel so much, it's going to get wrecked anyway. Anyway, he's like, not if you get something good quality. Samsonite. Samsonite. You all need to get it. Hello, is this on? Samsonite.

Hello. I'll die if you actually get one. You know, some brands don't want anything to do with me as we're learning. Me too. Who? I am telling you. Like, sometimes I would get offended.

Yeah. Yeah, there's lots of people that... Fair enough. Fair enough. I put it down to Spencer. I heard, of course. As we do all things, that don't suit us to believe better self.

I was saying to Peter, that's Spencer's fault, that suitcase. Who's Spencer? Doesn't matter. It's his fault. I love that he slagged your suitcase. Yeah, he was like,

he didn't say it until a couple of days after when he was like that. Yeah, so it was obviously the judgment was just percolating inside him. It was obviously the first thing he thought

when he saw me yeah he was this tramp coming into the airport and like everything is perfectly like everything

like he's packed I was like you're a psychopath like everything is perfectly packed and he's got his little Prada like toiletry bag

and everything and oh my shit's just flung in there's like a bra hanging out of the zip and stuff and then like my phone has smashed the screen.

Even at the back. How did I manage to smash it? The back has got a cover on it. You know my green phone cover that looks like it's been chewed by a dog. Like just you know

there was a couple of like and then he's quite preppy so some days he was dressed like he was you know working below deck you know on one of those boats one of those super yachts. It's nice though. I think that... No, it's really nice. He's so cool. I really like him.

Somebody has to be the wild one and then somebody is the organized one. He's pretty wild. Yeah. Oh, that's, do you know what's so attractive about someone? He gets shit done. You need a shit doner because then either of you would get nothing done. I don't get anything done yeah at all like I can't even

I can't like I can't even talk about the stuff that I haven't done because it's going to give me so much fear I'm glad something gives you fear yeah I have a lot of

like I'm basically on the run I have a lot of stuff to do and I've done a lot but he's a real doer you know what I mean get stuff done and organised and blah blah blah

we got very lucky though because our city jet originally I think it was always carnage in the airports yeah yeah yeah we booked our city jet flights our easy jet flights to go

and then I was like I have a really bad feeling about that so you moved to Aer Lingus so we booked new flights and then they cancelled our flight on the day the original flights

they cancelled them no yeah and that was my call I couldn't believe it I've never made a decision like that in my life nothing I'm to no decisions I make

ever work out do you know what I mean but you really wanted to go on holidays really wanted to and what did you do did you really wanted to go on holidays. Really wanted to. And what did you do? Did you just go to the beach every day? I champagne breakfasts.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. Yeah, we walked around a lot. I am surprised by that. Yeah, I love an owl walk. Really? Yeah. A pub crawl or a walk? Walking around to the restaurants and the tapas bars.

Walking to the beaches. But like so nice. You're just on the beach, on theas bars and the beaches. But like, so nice, you're just on the beach, on the beach beds and they're bringing you drinks and you're just, you're up to your tits in cava. You need,

you have to go, oh no, I wouldn't be into cava now, I couldn't do that to myself. Why? What's wrong with it? What is it? I don't even know what it is.

Cava, it's just like, I mean, there's Prosecco, there's champagne, Prosecco, cava. Oh!

Yeah. I thought I was being high-end with Peter. No. That bastard, he lied to me. He knows that I don't have a palate and he thought I was being high-end. No. That bastard, he lied to me. He knows that I don't have a palate and he told me it was high-end. I don't...

Sorry, I had to burp. Leave that in. No. She to burp. Leave that in. She's relatable there. Leave that in. Do you know what I have realised, though? And firstly, why don't we all just live in Barcelona? It's the most amazing city ever.

The sun, the heat. Do they still have the ferrets along that long, weird street? Les Ramblas? Yeah, yeah. I didn't see any ferrets. Oh, they used to sell ferrets along there. I always thought I'd like a ferret.

Hmm. Quite cute and long. Did you see the bat? Cute and long. She's gone. She's gone. The holiday's over. She's gone.

Cute and long. She's gone to a bat. Yeah, what is the crack? Some girl met... I just want to say... I just want to... It's amazing, her brain. It's like, it's unbelievable.

Well, ferret, Barcelona, back. Yeah, I can see how that happens. I want to go back to the holiday. The last thing I'll say about the holiday, it was really, really lovely. I do think tapas are a bit of a cod, though. They're basically just chips. Like, the dosed potatoes,

if I see another potato, I'm like, and the prawn, I love a prawn, but don't bring them to me in their little shell gaffs. No. Because I can't get them out.

I'm putting in a shift trying to get them open and you only get a tiny nug, you only get like a tic-tac size bit out. Now, if you're trying to lose a bit of weight, that would be the way to go because you spend so long doing it, you just give up.

It's like, do you know what? I'd rather starve. 100%. That's a very important message. Leave that in. Do you know what? I'd rather starve. 100%. That's a very important message.

Leave that in. Send that out to the women in the eating disorder clinics. So I got a message because you know the way I look, I don't know what folks sometimes do.

I was on holidays. I'm not looking at their stories and all. But like some girl just messaged me going, classic Vogue. Has a bat in her house. Asked for help

but she won't read her DMs will you please tell her I was like what is going on well first of all I don't know what people think of me but they're like

you can't you can't like hurt the bat hold on tell me so there was a bat in the house in Ireland there's a bat in the house in Ireland

so Amber was sending us videos the night before she spotted the bat and Megan was like it's a moth it has to be a moth. It was in the bathroom. And I was like, it's a pretty big moth.

And I didn't realize how scared I was of bats. Then it had like nestled. Even though they sleep upside down. It's so weird. Why are you asleep upside down? Good for collagen though. They do look good. Oh, they do look good in fairness.

This one was a baby bat. And he went into Otto's towel and was just sleeping there for the whole day. So everyone was like, don't kill the bat. You can't kill, like I would never kill, I wouldn't even kill a rat if it was in my house.

No, I can't see you banging a bat against a wall. No, imagine, they're like, they're a protected species. That's why I took the story down because I was like, if one more person suggests

I'm going to murder the bat, we didn't murder the bat. We actually opened the window, we were Googling all these bat facts and supposedly they can sneak in a hole like 1.5 centimetres. Like they really, I'm going to murder the bat. We didn't murder the bat. We actually opened the window. We were Googling all these bat facts. And supposedly they can sneak in a hole like 1.5 centimeters. Like they're really scary. Like, I mean, they're not big animals.

Well, I don't mean to be controversial now, but like if you can't kill a bat, bats have been killing us for the last couple of years. It's not how this whole shit show started. Was there not a bat jumping out of a cage in Wuhan? No. Why are bats standing up for bats? I said that and Spenny was like, that's not true. That's not what happened. A devil happened with a bat. They of a cage in Wuhan, no? Why are people standing up for bats? I said that and Spenny was like,

that's not true. That's not what happened. A devil happened with a bat. They're kind of cute. I just don't like that. They don't know where they're going. So anyway, they don't.

They're blind. They're not. That's not true. That's not true. Bat facts. This is what I don't understand. Blind as a bat. Makes no sense.

Bats have incredible vision. How do you think it got out of the cage well we opened the window we opened the window and it must have felt the air or something like that but they are frightening because they're just unpredictable

I don't know where they're going to go and I don't want their wings touching me they're not lookers now they're kind of they're weird they're kind of

spooky looking have you ever seen an owl's legs if you lift up an owl's feathers it's got full blown cape moss legs yeah if you shaved an owl's legs. If you lift up an owl's feathers, it's got full-blown cape moss legs. Yeah, if you shaved an owl, their body...

Have you never seen a shaved owl? Their bodies... What beauticians are you going to? How have you seen a shaved owl? I'm going to show you the shaved owl. Like, I've never seen anything... I'm sure I showed you this before. It's like you're going to get waxed

in a veterinarian clinic. Now, wait, Lizzie. Google owl's legs. You'll never... That actually came up. Didn't it? Yeah. If you upskirted an owl,

which you can't, it's against the law. You'd have really long legs. Oh, my God. Your legs are fantastic. I know. That's legs I can only dream of. Look at the leg.

Like, I want to show that picture to John Belton. Like, this is what I want. This is what I want for myself. Excuse me, John, why isn't this happening? Look at the tone and everything. Oh my God. Look at the muscle tone. Do you know I was watching The Staircase?

It's because they're from picking up all the mice and everything. And the women, yeah, because you're a bat-killed woman. That's not true. Your man obviously kills the wife, isn't he? No. Ah! The Staircase. Yeah, if you believe the cow or whatever. What's happening?

The cow came into the house and threw her down the stairs. So there's a kind of a true crime story. It's true, obviously, and a crime. About a guy, a guy a man who his wife has found like viciously beaten to death at the end of their stairs

in their house and it's called Staircase and it's been like true crime and it's been turned into a Netflix documentary blah blah blah but he went to court

and now it's on Sky with Tony Collette and it's actually very good he went to court but it was just one of those freak accidents but I did a deep dive on this a while ago

and they said that there was no so it was they one of those freak accidents but I did a deep dive on this a while ago and they said that there was no so it was they genuinely think an owl came in because she was in this really narrow staircase

and there was so much blood but there was no I know this is kind of gruesome like backlash do you know what I mean the blood specialist was like if he'd hit her there'd be

blood splattered on the wall behind there was none of that it was just this really freaky incident well I mean a woman was murdered it's more than an incident but anyway I heard somewhere it was an owl splattered on the wall behind her. There was none of that. It was just this really freaky incident. I just don't know. Well, I mean, a woman was murdered.

It's more than an incident, but... Anyway, I heard somewhere it was an owl, and now that I've seen those legs, I'm completely willing to believe it. But when you do see the claw marks, like, I would not like to be attacked by an owl. That looks just horrific. Not ideal.

No, not killable. Actually, speaking of animals, sorry, again, I was Googling this for Theodore the other day because he's obsessed with animals. Hippos. Hippos kill 500 people a year. They're the most dangerous animal. Imagine being dragged

underwater by a hippo. If you see them, how fast they go in water, I was Googling videos. Terrifying. See, but that's another false fact about hippos. That's true.

No, no, no, I don't mean that. I mean, there's a false understanding that hippos are kind of lazy and slow and friendly. They are not so I went to Jersey Zoo when I was in Jersey

which you're going to love oh my god big fan of Jersey and they have a lovely selection of flamingos and it made me

think I've made a big mistake that you didn't get the flamingo I should have I've been cheap I should have got the flamingo

I agree is it too late I think it's too late the flamingo's gone will there be others I'd like if one from Jersey Zoo had died

because they're really they've got nice colouring so I might wait for one of them flamingos are not immortal there be others? I'd like if one from Jersey Zoo had died because they're really they've got nice colouring so I might wait for one of them. Flamingos are not immortal. There will be another flamingo on the market I'm sure.

One of them looked a bit rough. He looked like he was about to He's lived a life. Yeah he'd lived his life he was on the way out. So I might actually

call them. Do you think I could call them and just ask them about it? Are they the 100% How are the flamingos? You're like what's the

crack with getting him stuffed and putting him in my hallway? Tell no one. Hey I was hoping I could? How are the flamingos? You're like what's the crack with getting him stuffed and putting him in my room? Tell no one. Tell no one. Hey I was hoping I could buy one of those flamingos to use as a

coat rack. He could go beside the bat. Joking I didn't kill the bat. I'll have the bat society at me. There is a bat society.

Of course there is. I met him. So Primavera was this like dance festival that was on in Barcelona. Oh yes. And I remember the last time I was in Barcelona was at Sonar which is another dance festival. I was meant like dance festival that was on in Barcelona. Oh yes. And I remember the last time I was in Barcelona

was at Sonar which is another dance festival. I was meant to go to that with you guys but I'd just broken up with a part of the group and I didn't want to go. Yeah.

It was so good. But so I met, there was loads of Irish out from Primavera. I was chatting to some of them but like they're obviously younger now and stuff but they were like

I can't believe you're not going and I was like I would rather swallow pig silage. Oh! Speaking of festivals. Speaking of festivals. but they were like I can't believe you're not going and I was like I would rather swallow pig silage oh speaking of festivals speaking of festivals Joanne is going to one

I am going to one and I'm actually and I'm actually thrilled she doesn't want to stay because I'm going to take her ticket allocation yeah well I can't stay I'm in Vicar Street that night

but yes yeah so do we we're allowed to announce it you announce it go okay so Vogue and I my therapist ghosted me

will be doing the main stage at the electric picnic on the Sunday yay yeah god knows what it'll be but are you gonna come

yeah I'll come you should come can I come guess who's paying that you're not getting paid Joe just let's just flag that right now pay your own ticket over there pay your own fucking ticket

we'll get them right now every book now we already checked 20 quid stick them in the overhead you're not getting a bag

no way yeah no god no you're not getting a bag or priority no way it'll be one backpack we're not even

going to get him an online bag you know those if your bag has wheels you're going to have to pay for it it's going to be the Salem rail

isn't it Salem rail you should start now Joe actually you should probably get going we'll see you there see you backstage do you know what as well as you're going to have to pay for it. It's going to be the Salem Rail, isn't it? Yeah, Salem Rail. You should start now, Joe, actually. You should probably get going. We'll see you there. See you backstage. Do you know what, though?

Do you know who's playing that day? Arctic Monkeys, who I'm obsessed with. Yeah. So I'm going to just tell everyone I'm warming up for Arctic Monkeys. And that is the God's honest truth. That is what's happened.

So don't blame us. Blame the promoter. By the time we see Arctic Monkeys though I'm going to be like I'll have been in there quite some time I hope

for their sakes I don't bump into them so go down on a Sunday we're doing kind of lunchtime-y vibes so it'll be very chilled well I'm I'm getting a bus

I'm going to rent a bus and bring well they don't know yet but I'm going to ask them for like 10 tickets for my friend I'm going to rent a bus even Spenny wants to come

everybody wants to that's because he wants to see us fail publicly on a live stage in front of 70,000 people let's be real so we can go it's okay darling

it's okay darling I think no we're going to put a lot of effort into this this one has to be bells and whistles yeah that's what we were saying we'll do something

we'll knock it up it'll be great how exciting I know it's grey crack and if not you've got the Arctic monkey stuff so make sure you're gone

yeah you might bring in the key sometimes you make me laugh so much she's like maybe we could bring

that kegel chair I was like what would we do just sit on it and get our vaginas buzzed on the stage we could bring

someone up I don't know why you're looking at me like that Jo it's a huge chair. Yeah, it's made for impotent men. See you in 10 years. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. But anyway, so I've gone back and everything I've said. Can't wait for the picnic. Really excited about it. Love a festival. See you there

in your Chanelingtons. I only realised last week when I was looking on my laptop to join my whatever it's called that thing

link up what's it called? LinkedIn? No when you join the internet personal hotspot I was like

why would she be on LinkedIn? I went to see Top Gun last night how have you got time to do all this stuff? Well I was still on my holidays because Peter came home to London with me How do you got time to do all this stuff? Well, I was still on my holidays because Peter came home

to London with me. How do you remember we called him Peter? That was like way gone out of my head there. Because I'm very conscious of not using his actual name. And I don't know why.

Oh my God, I used to go out with someone with his name. That's what I did with Spen though. That's right. When he was going around literally broadcasting to everyone, I was like, please can you just not

tell anyone about this because I don't want to be another person like that I haven't like stayed everyone. I was like, please can you just not tell anyone about this because I don't want to be another person that I haven't stayed with. I know. I'll start looking to, what's that called? Promiscuous.

Worldly. Yeah, worldly. Yes. Oh my God. I have to retire from my worldliness. Have you done enough worldliness? Because I didn't. I know, I don't know.

And it's too late for me now. Well, I just have to wait another year. It's not too late for you you're only getting going Vogue you're literally at the start of your marriage cruise someone goes to me are you gonna

I was doing loads of interviews today and she goes are you going to renew your wedding vows and I was like no I'm just gonna just gonna marry someone else just gonna renew my vows

poor Spenny I'm so glad he doesn't listen to this podcast I actually feel really bad after being mean to him the other night and I know he so glad he doesn't listen to this podcast I actually feel really bad after being mean to him the other night and I know he remembers because he wasn't drinking

I know she sent me a photo she sent me a photo of her drinking gin and tonic and pointing at Spenny who looked really sad she's like he can't drink

he was the worst that was on we were watching the Jubilee on Saturday night another thing that I would not be able to go to amongst like so many people. Anyway,

it was a really good concert and we're watching it and Spenny was like why don't you have a drink? And I thought, go on, this is the new me, I'll have a drink. I had two vodkas, I've never been stared at if it's so much having a drink. So Benny was just eyeballing me because he wanted to go to bed and it reminded me of when I was, my dad and me used to pour his pints into

other glasses and just sit there and stare at them and be like, can we go? Can we go? But Spencer can just go to bed by himself just sit there and stare at him and be like can we go can we go but Spencer can just go to bed by himself he's not a child I know we never go to bed on our own we always go to bed together

I know that's very cute but he honestly just stared me out of it and I was like Spenny you told me to have a drink and I'm trying to have a drink

and he's like I've never seen someone drink so slow in my life and I was like this is the last time that's happened around you Pat

why is he even getting you to drink he just doesn't he wants to be smug he knows I'm always grey crack when I drink that's why I'm always in such good form

and then the next day he's getting you greased up to get spanked in the sack where's my paddle what paddle my spank paddle me and Peter

took them to Barcelona oh god spanking each other around the room up and down as Ramblas up you buy it go on up there

you dirty bitch go on so the spank paddle it just needs a bit of disinfecting and then I'll hand it back oh no oh come here to me

are we going to watch Love Island together yes yeah we need to I'm watching it this year because I remember I was saying to you I'm doing After Sun

I'm doing one of the episodes I'm doing the last one is it Malaga or Mallorca Mallorca oh my god you can have a nice holiday then so I'm going to Mallorca yeah that'll be you, I'm doing After Sun. I'm doing one of the episodes. I'm doing the last one. Is it Malaga or Mallorca? Mallorca. Oh my God, you can have a nice holiday then. So I'm going to Mallorca, yeah.

That'll be stunning. So I'm definitely watching it this year. I'm making a conscious decision to watch it this year. Yeah, I need to watch it this year because everyone just gets so into it. Poor Michael Owen, his daughter's gone in there, that footballer,

and everyone started trolling him. But it must be so weird. Like for a footballer, like if you're a man, a famous man with a ridiculously attractive daughter she is stunning

that's not easy I'd hate that I'd hate that I mean there's worse complaints in the world but still I'd say you'd be very protective there's a level

you don't want them to be above a seven too much no it's too much hassle no too much I know what would you have rated myself

in that picture I sent you which picture I was you? Which picture? You sent so many of yourself. I was at it in a picture. Oh, wow. I don't want to say too much about it because I'd actually been sent it. That picture has been around for about a year.

It was a piece of art that somebody created. Yeah. And it's myself Spencer and Winston in said picture I mean I felt personally attacked

it's a cartoon it's a cartoon so they obviously you know cartoons the way they ham up your features it's so bad so obviously

you know you've got a gorgeous large mouth as we know full of important things I know but it even did my nose. And I know my nose looks like that when I see it from the side. Like this angle, Jo, that light has gone off.

You better get something funny from that nice stuff. I did a shout out for funny kind of exam stories because it's the Leaving Cert in Ireland and obviously it's the A-levels here. I feel so sorry for them. That's why it's a nice day today. I know. Because the Leaving Cert started,

so then it's automatically summer. We'll collect them and read some of them out next week. They're so funny. But like, this is the stuff. People are so smart. I won't say her name.

She said, this isn't funny, but... That means it's already funny for us. I used to cheat by I'd write loads of equations and formulas on my legs and wear a hundred denier tights

so when I'd pull the tights I could see through onto my legs but when a teacher walked by I'd let go and it would look thick black again. I used to spend more time

figuring out how to cheat rather than revise. Is that not one of the best I mean is that not one of the best ideas you've ever heard? I used to write all over my legs

for the leaving cert because we wore a kilt skirt and like I'd just go to the toilet and go and like there was, honestly my legs were covered. I still did absolutely shite so there was no point

in doing that. People have genius ways of kind of like writing things. I just thought the legs and the tights was a particularly clever one. So kids, try that. Try that.

Start cheating. I cheated, Got me nowhere. And also, for people doing their leaving cert, right, if you don't get the points you want, you'll still get to go

and do a degree or something that you want to do because I did so fucking bad. And like, I'm doing all right for myself. You're doing all right for yourself, baby. So actually,

actually, just do crap. Yeah, exactly. Fail. Yeah, so if you have any funny exam stories and if they're kind of long, you can DM me.

Send them to Jo. Send them to... MTGMTMTGMPOD, whatever it is. MTGMTM to them. I wouldn't, I actually don't know. My therapist goes to me. MTGMPOD. Hello at MTGMPOD.

What else? What's the rest of it? Hello, our pod... Hello? at mtgmpod what else what's the rest of it dot com hello our pod our hello hi hello

is there anybody out there this is very confusing having people walk by looking in all the time I don't like it they're not looking at you but then they're probably thinking about me

why the fuck is she staring at me they're like very strange going on in there they're like Amanda Held and on in there. They're like, Amanda Holden's having some sort of breakdown

in one of those boots. I woke from a coma after five months to find out my fiancé had ghosted me and moved in with someone else. Oh no. Woman reels her devastation,

saying boyfriend utterly laughed me in the dust. Now, as I say, I find this shit funny. Obviously, it's a sad story, but whatever. Why was she in a coma. Now, as I say, I find this shit funny. Obviously, it's a sad story, but whatever. Why was she in a coma?

Well, it was awful. She fell off a balcony and landed on her head. Oh, no. And was in a coma. But the thing that made me laugh was she woke up from the coma and it took her months

to remember she'd been engaged. Oh, stop. And so then she remembered. I don't know why no one told her. And so she tried to ring him and she couldn't get through no one told her and so she tried to ring him and he she couldn't get through he blocked her on everything

stop and he was living with a new woman so then she was kind of you know freaking out being like what he never visited her never did anything

that is weird and then the new girlfriend eventually messaged her and was like I'm sorry I made him block you on everything because I was just really insecure how insecure how insecure are you

that you're threatened by someone in a coma? But how much of a piece of shit is he? I know. Like, give her a second. I know. If I, if someone that I was with was in a coma, I'd be in there, I'd give it two weeks. I'd give it two weeks. I'd obviously be doing my own bits and bobs around

that. Yeah. I'd be like, I'd be saying to the nurse, I wouldn't get away, I'd be like, what's the crack here now? I mean, he obviously wasn't even slightly heartbroken that that had happened. He kind of used it as an out. And then to try and like blame the girlfriend for it, you did the blocking yourself. He was definitely, he was looking in, wasn't he? John, I swear to God,

they've all been looking in and going, I've been eyeballed all day. I feel uncomfortable. I'm not coming back to the studio, Jo. So Brie, she was in a terrible way.

I don't know. Give her a minute, like. Yeah, give her a minute. She's in a coma. Speaking of etiquette, because I'm saying, I don't know give her a minute like yeah give her a minute she's in a coma speaking of etiquette because I'm saying I don't know what the etiquette around comas

are having I haven't been in a coma in ages I can't remember but I was in one on Monday actually for a short period I was on

flying back from Barcelona a couple of space gins on board obviously a couple I saw how many were they doubles

two of them were I had four space gins but two of them were Peters ah okay were they doubles? two of them were I had four space gins but two of them were Peters ah okay were they doubles? no no no they're just little baby baby

just a pop just a pop of gin they are so cute delish and some everyone was like they're premium lays you've got there

ooh someone's doing well I was like what's a premium lay? it's like the crisp Pringles it was like one of these it was a Spanish airline

anyway but I had my feet out in the video premium lay. So the crisp bags, they took Pringles. It was like one of these, it was a Spanish airline. Anyway, but I had my feet out in the video. What do you mean, your bare feet? Yeah, why are you looking at me like that? Oh, no.

On a plane. Hold on. Yeah, so people were messaging me going, why have you got your feet out? That's gross. I was like, why,

first of all, my feet are not gross. They're perfectly well coiffed. Is that a word? They're clean and groomed. The problem was I ran into socks in Barcelona and I hate wearing runners

with no socks so when I got on the plane I just took them off but loads of people take off their shoes on planes because your feet expand in the sky I would go around

with my socks on I think it's unacceptable to go around with your feet out like when people in the gym wander around in their bare feet I'm like dude but it's not I was wedged in at the window

so it wasn't like I was beside a stranger but I still would have done it probably but then did you see the video recently of a woman drying her tongue

on a plane under the air conditioning window no yeah it's like come on now lads this is I've committed

a very low level crime here people were outraged it's a crime all the same if someone was sitting beside me with no shoes on

I would be sickened yeah it's like I don't know you only see even when I see someone picking their beside me with no shoes on, I would be sickened. Yeah. It's like, I don't know, you only see, even when I see someone picking their nose, even though I've already

admitted I am an avid nose picker, if I see someone picking their nose in a car, I'm like, oh, where are you putting your snots? I know, it's a lot of shame, a lot of judgment.

Did you get loads of abuse over the feet? I always get abuse. To be fair, to be fair, if I wear runners with no socks on, they will stink

within the hour. That's the thing, you can't let them in there for any length of time and then the runners are ruined. But there was something else I was going to say. I would have worn old socks.

Yeah, I know. I just thought, I don't know. Look, I just made a decision. It was the wrong one. I'm sorry. She won't be making that mistake again.

I have one question. I'm sorry for what I did. Do you wash your feet in the shower or do you just let the suds run over your feet? Suds run over the feet. What? Both of you? Yeah.

I give one a good old scrub. No. Which got tough towards the end of pregnancy, but I still lifted up that little, can you call them paws too? I'm not in my bare feet. I don't actually like being in bare feet. I'd always have some sort of flip-flopper situation.

You just save it for public spaces it's like when I used to eat hummus on the train and it would stink and people would be like but I was hungry

yeah I've been hummus it's not a crime it's healthy yeah a healthy hummus train snack my mum

because I was laughing because my mum texted me when I was in the airport with your man she was like

are you travelling with Peter and I was like I am and she just wrote in capital letters NO BAILEYS so

do you remember the do you remember I drank a litre of Baileys on the plane and your man broke up with me yeah NO BAILEYS she's like panicking now

she thinks this is my last ever chance at anything in life excuse me you would want to tell your mum you're doing very well for yourself very well for myself

very well very very well what's your mum's name again don't know. I've got a new London date. The Apollo's on sale. I've got a new Cork date on sale. And I'm in Mayo.

And obviously all the UK dates are still rolling around. Yeovil's still in the mix. Thank you very much for listening. And what's the email again? M? Hello at mtgmpod.com please email us in

any of your leave and search stories because we would love to see them and A levels and A levels and exam stories in general

yeah just exam stories I already told you my story didn't I about the school burning down in the middle of the geography exam oh my god that's so lucky did I tell you that

I'll tell you next week on the pod oh ok ok ok bye everyone Oh, that's so lucky. Did I tell you that? I'll tell you next week on the pod. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Bye, everyone!