My Therapist Ghosted Me - Edibles, Wakes & Seed

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

To say that this is an episode like no other, is an understatement. Joanne is still in Canada and that meant that she was in a state that she otherwise might not have been. Meanwhile, Vogue has some kids party beef.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally and me, Vogue Williams. I loved Joanne's like hopeful message to the group just there. Williams. I loved Joanne's hopeful message to the group just there. Have I got the pod wrong? It's like it's 3.59, we're doing the pod at four. Oh no, I've messed it up. It's like, no babe, we're doing the pod.

Usually I would have, Joe would usually have sent a link and obviously with the time difference, I was hoping and praying that the pod had just gone away for the week because I'm drunk in Canada but it hasn't gone away because you're here both of you

looking at me now in the Zoom we're here we're making you work and I did feel like I sent a message to that group and I said we are with an exclamation mark

which I think exclamation mark which I think can look quite aggressive marker think can look quite aggressive mark or point can look quite aggressive we are dot laugh

is it a point or a mark I think it's an exclamation mark yeah but you never sometimes you don't know if you're in trouble with Vogue or not because

like you are you are the queen of passive aggressiveness which we love about you so and me and Jo like live in fear that we're in trouble all the time

we have like good we're like the Kardashians I'll tell you where I want to we have a whatsapp group called not vogue and we I know

I know everything we're in that group are we in trouble she didn't put a kiss at the end. What's happening? Are we, are we fired? You run the show and when you're angry,

me and Jo cry and we wonder how to get you back on site. And when you're in good form with us, it's like the sun has shone on us. Does that make sense? I feel warm and happy inside. All we want is your love and

attention it's all me and your want no this is what I mean about my messages where people take them to literally

right so Spenny and I were in Portugal and I was up filming with John Belton and I was leaving the house at

twenty past six in the morning I was tired it was dark and I was leaving a door open and I sent a picture

of the door and I just said oh lock this after me and then I laid out all these towels to take for the out and I was leaving a door open and I sent a picture of the door and I just said oh lock this after me and then I laid out all these towels to take for the beach and I just said

don't forget the towels like that I'd laid out and he was inexplicably furious with me come 9am when he'd woken up and he was like don't you be so rude to me

and I was like pardon? didn't know where it had come from because I hadn't put an X you hadn't put a kiss you hadn't put a kiss so he's like me and I was like pardon? didn't know where it had come from because I hadn't put an X you hadn't put a kiss you hadn't put a kiss so he's like me and Joe he was terrified

do you know how long we fought for? we were away together for two days I well I will not back down you fought for two days you know what I'm like

no the whole day and I'm on the beach right and also he didn't leave me a towel out so I had no towel I was lying on my clothes on the beach because I was like I I'm on the beach, right? And also, he didn't leave me a towel out so I had no towel. I was lying on my clothes on the beach

because I was like, I'm not giving in to this bullshit. I didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't, he was like, where are you? I was like,

I'm not telling you. I'm not telling you. He found me on the beach in the end. I win. You always win Vogue always wins you're the house

the house always wins because it's just because you're a very organised person and people around you I think you attract unorganised people

because I think you're kind of a fixer why are you throwing Joe under the bus with you Joe Joe lives on a different street to you okay he's not as bad as you, Joe? Joe lives on a different street to you, okay?

He's not as fat as you. Well, in fairness... He is. Joe's a fucking mess. How dare you? Joe, you're a mess. With two minutes before we were supposed to be recording, I hadn't sent the recording link, so your WhatsApp said,

two seconds, Joe, send link, please. Okay, Joe's a mess. Do you know what did Joe? That gave me hope that I wasn't doing this today. But here I am. So don't fucking ever do that again, okay? Send the link the night before

so I know what's going on. It's 8am in Canada. Listen to her messages in quick succession. I've no link. Am I missing something? Are we not doing the pod now? It's like, please!

I prefer a night record, as we know. I don't like a day, I don't, I'm in Canada. I'm in Canada. I know. Can I talk about Canada?

Canada. Firstly, did I tell you about Canadians? I told you. Oh my God. It is the most beautiful country. There's like pumpkins just on the fucking road

in a patch. All the trees, all the colours. Back to the pumpkins. I'm a big pumpkin person. I think it's my thing. I didn't realise. So I drove past this pumpkin patch in Victoria the other day and then I was sitting in the car

thinking about it for ages I was at the airport having the last wine just thinking about the pumpkin patches googling pumpkins like

I don't know what it is about them it's my thing and then this girl really Who have you been hanging out with? No do you know who I

I do have friends over here do I? So I have a tour manager called Kevin who's absolutely sound. So I've been hanging out with him. And then my friend Laura's in Toronto and my friend Maeve is in Vancouver.

I'm in Vancouver now. Anyway, I have to tell you about the show last night. So I'm in Vancouver. What? And I was dying to come back to Vancouver because the shows outside of, the shows in like kind of Winnipeg, Ottawa, you know, they weren't a guaranteed good time. Now I ended up enjoying myself at all the shows in like kind of Winnipeg Ottawa you know they weren't a guaranteed good time

now I ended up enjoying myself at all the shows first Vancouver show loved it had a ball woke up yesterday so the tour's finished now

last night was the last show in Vancouver so the girls who were coming to the show they keep sending me in bags of edibles as presents because we'd legal here

I know they're just so this girl sent me this pair of did you see the boxers that I got with the Calvin I saw that

you can't bring them home by the way okay please I'm not dealing with that I'm not picking you up from Heathrow police station I tried them on they really

they see me I wear a boxer well what can I say the men's boxers she sent me this with the boxers Calvin got it with my name on the back

they look amazing and a bag of edibles in the crotch anyway one two skip a few I woke up yesterday last day of the tour last show

and I don't know why I don't know why but I opened the bag of edibles and I ate all of them all of them every single one I don't know why I did it

I don't know why you didn't eat all of them every single one I licked the bag clean I don't know why I was bored I don't know why you didn't eat all of them Every single one I licked the bag Clean I don't know why I was bored I don't know You were in very good form yesterday

Like not only Like from the morning To the evening You were in very good form And you were very kind I was like were we talking I thought that you're Yeah we were talking

A couple of times And your messages were very kind You tell me you loved me It's because I had a whole bag of sour patches where are they oh my god

I honestly throughout the day we're in one go couple hours anyway I don't remember talking to you no no no

I can't I have to leave Canada like I cannot get my fucking piggy little dirty greedy hands off those edibles I have eaten

nothing but edibles so anyway eaten nothing But edibles So anyway Couple of drinks I got Because I'm like Woo So I go to sleep

Look at Jo Jo what's wrong Are you not allowed to keep this You are She's in Canada She's allowed to do that I think it probably is fine Because she's in Canada

It's legal here Jo Yeah It's like no one gives a shit It's like It's like a cappuccino Right so anyway I go to sleep I wake up My phone's ringing It's Kevin the tour manager It's like a cappuccino. Right. So anyway, I go to sleep.

I wake up. My phone's ringing. It's Kevin, the tour manager. He's like, where the fuck are you? I was like, oh my God, what time is it?

What's happening? He's like, get to the venue. So I go downstairs. Car's out. So I go to the venue. Garoud is over. Garoud's in Vancouver

opening the shows. And I am properly whacked out. So I'm in the jumpsuit I'm sitting there and I said to Gerard out of ten

how bad is this and he went it's seven and I was like oh no I said seven and he was like I'm being sound

I could say nine to be honest I'm being sound by saying seven so I was like oh fuck I was like

what did you do coffee orange juice I drank two Rebels Oh no Like I horsed them And went on stage

Very healthy lifestyle You're leading over there Don't think it was my best show I was Having like an out of body experience On stage It was fucking like like I don't know I think it was okay I think I got away with it no one's complained no one's tagged me in anything bad but it was certainly not I wasn't my I would say it wasn't I wasn't operating at a hundred percent from speaking with you

and hearing you I would say that you were at a hundred and ten percent because you were in great form you were yeah

you were very funny you were engaging you would have been kind yeah I was kind yeah I did edibles once in LA

when I was filming for something and me and the cameraman who was like 60 at the time were just standing. You know those, you know those blow,

no. You know those blow up things that like go, woo. Yeah, I love them. It's like a car wash. We sat and watched that. He watched that

for like an hour and every time it would go down we'd be like anyway I apologise if I looked a little if I looked a little glazed

behind the eyes last night in Vancouver I was but I think I got away with it no more edibles for you for God's sake no no more edibles

once I finish these three bags in my suitcase I'm not eating another that's over Have you already had one today? I feel like she's had Half an edible I'm just eating whatever's around

I honestly I don't even know what's what anymore I'm just You know what I was going to do earlier just because I thought it would be funny we were talking about something about my text messages I was going to text Fanny

and be like we really need to talk see what he writes back because he'll be so scared do you know what I did this weekend? you get your highlights done you're very blonde go on no I'm getting oh god I'm changing my hair tomorrow I know you're very blonde go on no I'm getting

oh god I'm changing my hair tomorrow I know you're very excited to hear that so basically I'm going slightly longer and I'm dyeing it peach peach

oh I love a peach I love a bit of peach I love a bit of pink peachy hair yeah fab peach is a bit of news the hair just because I get bored and Hadley offers it

and I'm like okay he's like let's do something else I'm bored and I'm like okay me too yeah I'll get the same so I'm getting yeah so Joanne are we getting her hair done soon

I'll do it too another bit of news I've booked in to get the coil girls thank you for all your emails oh thank god okay

hold on do we like the coil or no oh we like the coil okay do you want to have a fourth baby in this house or would you like the coil I certainly do not want a fourth baby

no neither does Jo we've discussed this in our Not Vogue WhatsApp group we don't want another baby Okay, do you want to have a fourth baby in this house or would you like the quail? I certainly do not want a fourth baby, no. No. So we're getting the quail. We've discussed this in our Not Vogue WhatsApp group. We don't want another baby. Yeah, Joanne and I have discussed together and we've decided that the best thing for me is for me to get the quail.

Get the quail, yes. I don't want to keep pulling out. I just want to be able to just ride you like I'd like to and finish off inside you, which I love. That's a lot. I miss that too. It feels, I feel like we've broken.

To be honest, I'm really happy I'm not having to do the penguin walk to the toilet. I haven't done it in ages. I know. I'm going to just continue to pretend I don't have it. I'm full of seed. So it's heavy. I'm full of seed so it's heavy I'm seedy I always have been that is so good

that's what my mum says when she's hungover my mum's like I feel seedy I'm like oh no see it's up there with kind of moist

like now clammy oh terrible words I kind of moist like now clammy oh terrible words I feel seedy very clammy to moist he was talking about I'm trying to tell you about my weekend

what has she done now no Sandra hasn't done anything she's not in my bag she's fine no this weekend so Sven and I got back from Portugal

porch on Friday night and Saturday Theodore must be the most popular boy in the whole world because he had two parties Theodore the oldest one

yes yes very nice boy very nice very sweet I forgot about him three parties swimming lesson and tennis lesson

this weekend three two parties next weekend everyone has kids in September and October I was thinking of saying to the parents group that I'm in a WhatsApp with, but I don't want to seem like the scabby

one, but like I was thinking that we could like join forces and like four people could have a party at the same time. Then you only pay a quarter towards the party and you don't have to waste four full days going to other parties. You're publicly known

to be absolutely minted and you are going to suggest in a one-time group I'm also publicly known to be a scabby bitch share the load of a birthday party what does a party cost

like fucking 100 quid like what is it do you okay listen to okay I'm going to tell you this is why why do you think you're always At parties on my balconies

Because I'm gonna tell you why I was at a party On Saturday Guess how much it cost Hold on Was it an adult's party Or a child's party A child's party

Guess how much it cost I was there on Saturday This is why I have All the parties on the balcony Go on guess 100 quid Go on guess how much This kid's party was

But as a guest or as the parents of the child as the parent paying for the party like a a grand nearly three

grand I wouldn't even spend that on my own birthday yes I wouldn't spend that on my wedding no

that's insane no way I know so sorry I'm not scabby I'm just not paying that I'm not absolutely not

yeah you're like theatre that's you can have that in cash when you're older hold on like where does that three grand what does it go on

hold on now was this a posh party was there like a petting zoo and little donkeys and stuff no there wasn't any donkeys nothing like that it was in like a play base which is like a

like a soft play place. But like in London, they just kind of jack up all the prices because it's in London. That's why, honestly, to do a party on the balcony. It's like airports. Actually, yeah, I love my balcony parties and so do the kids for now. It's like airports. Yeah, we'll do a party in the park.

I had a sandwich and a large pinot yesterday in an airport. Guess how much it cost me? Six grand. a sandwich and a large pinot yesterday in an airport guess how much it cost me six grand I cannot look at those

pathetic sandwiches anymore I can't please God make her stop eating them I can't stop eating them between the sandwiches and the edibles

I'm going to be rowled out of Canada I can't stop eating sandwiches I got something that is like a pet hate of mine

is skippers you know when someone skips you in the queue I can't stand it I just there's an there's rooms

sorry yeah I thought you meant like there's nautical people don't like them either don't like there's something weird about the hats they wear

I hate them we had one episode where Joanne went in on pilots so this episode she is going to go in on skippers fishermen and skippers

skippers what is a skipper Jo will you google it captain skipper's a boat it's captain's a boat it's not the boat Vogue it's the person on the boat

captain bird's eye he was a skipper exactly the fish finger did yeah yeah fish finger wanker it's the person on the boat Captain Birdseye he was a skipper exactly the fish finger did yeah yeah fish finger wanker

everyone said that about him not a great man I agree with you really bad I think he got cancelled yeah he did but I was on the beach in Portugal

and I had gone to this girl was booking in for a massage and I went behind her and I was like can I book in after her and she was like yeah no problem and I was like I'm sitting there will you just come and get me

like I'm like I was literally in some bed beside them and then the boyfriend of the girl was like oh I was gonna book in for a massage and I thought well tough luck pal I booked in before you yeah so he was like okay I'll go I'll go yeah I'll go I'll go after her as in me and I was like wow I'm looking around and I was like this is taking an awfully long time like she's not there for an hour or shortly and then I go up and he'd snuck in

behind my girlfriend she'd obviously text him and was like I'm nearly finished I went in and I was like I was

absolutely raging said nothing obviously but I was deeply deeply upset inside so sometimes I don't like skippers but then we were in the airport and we were in security

and this old man like just so brazenly skipped us and it didn't bother me because I thought you know fair play because he's old because he's old he needs to get things done quicker he's running out of time exactly that's yeah some people can some people can't

I'm the same I find it very offensive he's running out of time exactly that's yeah some people can some people can't it really bothers I'm the same I find it very offensive speaking of hotels and I know like we can't just use this podcast to bitch about

when were we talking about hotels were we not talking about hotels speaking of hotels were we not talking about hotels there no

oh my god we weren't were we we were talking about skippers skippers. Oh my God, we weren't, were we? We were talking about skippers. Skippers and old people and death. And then you go, oh, speaking of hotels. Okay. So sorry. I went for a screen test today and I kept rambling on about death.

I don't know where it came in. And then I couldn't stop. And I was like, I'm really sorry. I'm probably saying like a weirdo why were you what was the why what

I was doing a screen test for I was doing a screen test for a TV show and I don't know how we got into it I just started talking as an actress

for acting no not as an actress presenters presenting yeah I did I did I got the job considering I was talking about dead people

and then I was talking about seeing dead people in Ireland and because we leave the coffin up and it really spiraled it just reminded me of that I'm always talking about wakes the more I

the more I travel out of Ireland the more I realise how bizarre wakes are but I love them I love a wake I don't like to be forced to see the bods though no like forced to see the bods though no

I want to see the bods fucking flat out covered in makeup I love it ice cold actually do you know what I have got something I'm sorry about the death chat

but like basically you talk about death all the time I don't think anyone's I was I was in with Doctor You the other day and we were talking about

yeah that's why I look so good thank you we were talking yeah, yeah, that's why I look so good, thank you. We were talking, but we got onto the subject of donating your body to medical science because I was like, he's a doctor. He's a full doctor. And I was like, what do you do with them? Oh my God, yes.

Come on. I've spoken to him about this as well. It's absolutely, so basically you don't just, he pulls their fingers and all. What? I know just, you're not just, He pulls her fingers and all. What? I know, but you're not just going

to be a cadaver for medical science, for medical students. There was a man who tried to sue people because basically, they shot his wife's body out of a rocket

to see what the damage would be and he was like, that's not what she wanted to have done to her body, but like, they can do anything like you could be using the army to explode

to see what happens when you get a grenade thrown at you like you're not if you donate your body you think you're doing something with a bit of class and kudos not being shot out of a rocket I'd be absolutely fuming But he tried to sue them

And they're like Well like This was her wish That was not her wish To be shot out of a cannon Like a fucking circus act No I thought I was going to

Cure cancer or something I thought I was going to Do something better Than getting shot out of a cannon. Some people are used as crash test dummies like actual human

crash test dummies to see what happens I'd rather that than be fucking juggling out of a cannon like a dead body. Like I'd rather be a crash test dummy.

You're like that's something. I was thinking if I donated my body I'd put loads of little kinder eggs in it. So this is what I was thinking if I donated my body I'd put loads of little kinder eggs in it so this is what I was thinking if if when I was to donate

my body to science I would say absolutely would but I wouldn't now that you've told me that I would put it in writing that I don't want to be shot out of anything that I

before I die I eat loads of kinder eggs like the toys and glitter oh yeah so then when they cut me open it's like surprise

the little kinder and then when they cut me open it's like surprise the little kinder and then like they put the toys together wouldn't that be fun that wouldn't work for you your mouth's not big enough I could obviously do that if I wanted to

but you can't you wouldn't fit one of them in your mouth a kinder I could I have a human sized mouth it's like it's not

it's not an abnormally small mouth yours is it's not abnormally small but likeally small mouth yours is not abnormally small but like you could swallow a whale and we wouldn't even notice I'm like that humpback whale I just go when I'm swimming in the sea I just start swallowing people in kayaks

and spitting them back out you just ate a canoe you didn't even know did you not even know there's a canoe in your belly little diver stuck in my teeth there's a scuba slipper in your mouth Vogue

I don't know there seems to be a leg on it in your belly that happens to scuba divers as well. Did you know that? They get scooped up sometimes when they're putting out fires in Spain.

I'm on a fact-checking website, so it's not real. It happens in Spain. Since when do we fact-check? Look up the Sada Grande Gazette, okay? It happens in Sada Grande. I heard it. I heard it.

I'm in a hotel in Canada in Vancouver and do you know when you're like is this is this me am I being a dick or are they being a dick

because I always like to kind of unpack things and be like is this me being a am I being ratty because I'm tired or basically

arrived in the hotel at 2 o'clock they're like yeah your room's not ready and I was like oh what time's check in they're like 4

I was like 4pm check in and 11 o'clock. They're like, yeah, your room's not ready. And I was like, oh, what time's check-in? They're like four. I was like, four p.m. check-in. And 11 o'clock check-out. Okay. So I was like, You're not even there for 24 hours. No,

no. And I don't know what the room costs because the promoter books it and I pay for it at the end of the, you know what I mean?

It comes in as like a fee. But it's a really nice hotel so I wouldn't say it's like cheap. Anyway, I was like, okay. She's like, we'll ring you. So she took my number. She's like, we'll ring you when the room's like cheap anyway I was like okay she's like we'll

ring you so she took my number she's gonna bring you in the rooms ready so I sat in the bar and never got a call half four went back up they're like yeah the room's ready yeah half four and I the show was at seven and I'd kind of wanted to nap and I couldn't have it's fine that's fine then she goes oh I need to take your card for incidentals and I was like yeah no worries and so she put up and it was $400 so I was like yeah I went what

now bearing in mind I've already paid for the room and I was like $400 because yeah it's $200 a night for every customer it must be a very expensive hotel I wouldn't like to see the bill at the end

so I was like so if I was staying here for a week and they take the money they don't they don't just hold it they take it out of your account $1400 for the week

$1400 on top of what you've already paid and then you have to wait 7 days to get the money back and so I said to your one

7 days for them to put the money back in your account and I said to your one I was like $400 she goes yeah it's $200 I just was your woman I was like $400 she goes yeah it's $200

I just was like God that's that's a lot like yeah and you could see her face she was like fuck off she was like

yeah well it's the same for everyone and I can't change it now can I did she say it in that accent yeah she's a copper and not give it back

for like it's like they have some like I bet you they have some scheme going on where they're getting 23% off the bank when they have all this

extra money in their account all my old hotels in Canada because I left all my bank cards in your basement folk so I am using my phone for everything and

tap tap tap tap and when I checked into these hotels like we need a credit card to take 100 quid I was like can I tap no we need a credit card and I was like I I was like can I tap no we need a credit card

and I was like I don't have one and they're like well basically you can't stay here and I was like but the rooms are paid for and then thank god

Gavin was like here use my card otherwise I literally would have liked I don't even own a credit card anyway a debit card anything

any card yeah yeah oh god that's a nightmare I was like I have a birthday card are you planning on telling me when you're coming home so like I can get your room ready?

I'm so sorry, yes. I'm coming home soon. When? What day? Well, I'm going back. I'm going to Toronto for a couple of days. Then I'm going back to Ireland for a day. Then me and Alan are going to Tenerife

for 10 days. And then I'm going back to yours. You just told me you weren't even going to yours and then we're going to Australia but you're moving into your house at the start of November start of November moving into my new home

oh my god she's stressing me out she doesn't even have a bed she doesn't have any bed don't even have a bed no this is not good but I'm do you know what actually

now that the Canadian now that the shows are finished today that's what I'll do I'll go to the bar have a Cosmo and I'll order all that stuff like beds

and have an edible she's going to the bar have a Cosmo and I'll order all that stuff like beds and have an edible she's going to end up buying a bed with a slide a little soft play area in the corner oh my god

there's like a seesaw delivered to the house I'm like what the fuck when do I order a seesaw yeah no I'm going to go downstairs and organise all that now today because it's important.

Yeah, it is important because you can't lie and sleep on the floor, which is probably what you will end up doing. I could, to be honest, with a nice towel. I don't like to tell you

the lead time on beds, but that's your own problem. Do they take ages? How long? Sometimes they can take six weeks. We'll see. You might be all right. I have a blow-up mattress.

I'm not even joking. You can have it. Yeah, perfect. Maybe I'll just visit be alright I have a blow up mattress I'm not even joking you can have it yeah perfect maybe I'll just visit my apartment and still stay in yours I don't know we'll just go up and take a walk around

every once in a while I feel like you've really you've grown up I do have my own place I just stay in folks there's nothing in it but I do have my own place yeah no I need to get

all that shit sorted I need to know if you've watched the Beckham documentary yet no but I'm have anything yeah no I need to get all that shit sorted I need I need to know if you've watched the Beckham documentary yet no but I'm gonna watch that today as well as Word or Bad I love Victoria Beckham

everyone's obsessed with Victoria yeah Victoria's having a moment she's having a moment and a well deserved moment yeah I think that like she's a trooper she's such a trooper

she's done so much for her family and yet she had to put up with all that shit about like she takes up the ass no I don't think that was something

was it you've really you've really given that information on the pod no no there was a clip I've seen the trailers

and there's a clip where she's saying that everyone at the match was singing posh takes it up the ass oh were they yeah yeah

that wouldn't even offend me to be honest if someone's I'm like yeah I do I'm adventurous take loads of things there's a mop up there now yeah

I'm open I'm just open I'm liberal I didn't know that yeah she said that she they were singing when she was at the match like that all the

what do you call them not customers people who go to matches what are they called fans all the fans all the customers all the fans

were like Posh takes it up the the audience Posh takes it up the ass God love her no and like yeah she wasn't happy about it but she wouldn't be

well because she's posh no one's allowed to say that's kind of things about her but she's really and also of course she does and that's her as she's entitled to

she can do whatever she wants she can take it anywhere she needs to take it I'll tell you what if David Beckham was coming near any of us we'd do the same oh my god

I'd be like I'll take it in the eye whatever you need David you want to put it up the nostril go for it I don't mind go for it David go for it he's absolutely gorgeous

wherever David wants to put it David will David will put it and we will be thrilled no shade we've all been that soldier and and

like I think Spencer's mom might listen to this pod so I'm not really going to discuss that part of my life. Vogue only takes it vaginally, just if Jane's listening. I know that to be true.

Just, Jane, if you're worried. She is. She takes it vaginally with dignity. Silently. Like a trooper. She's very boring sexually yeah she's

missionary only she's painfully boring in the socks if that makes you feel better in the dark missionary we got home we got home

the other night and our mirror had moved you know our little pink wavy light mirror and he was like why in our bedroom why did we never think of this and i was like why is he so obsessed by the mirror obviously because he wants to start

watching himself in the mirror when we get down to business and he was like honestly for like i've been really sick and he's like are you feeling any better are you feeling any better look at the mirror who moved the mirror wow the mirror is great there i'm like oh my god when i feel better we can have a go of the mirror just relax he's like a 14 year old boy you're very blessed I do like the mirror myself now come on

I can't I have to say now I there's my idea of hell is watching myself having sex with someone like

hell you're not really watching yourself though you're like you're just who are you watching well I'm watching Morris Fanny I suppose

you can already see him because I want more okay you come up right when we're away you and Alan come upstairs and you can have a little look in the mirror

it's a fancy mirror it's got lights so it will make you look better as well I'm just saying is there like a ring light and a drown situation

I never understood sex videos like why would I want to watch like unless it's to critique but that's as well I genuinely

I'm not concerned about naked pictures of me because I haven't sent any because like what am I supposed to do like put my leg over my head

and send like no you don't need to think you look really sexy and then you wake up the next day and you're like oh wow

I can't believe I sent that Australia we are coming for you Joanne I was about to do some Australia tour bits oh sorry you've only noticed

like I've not stopped blowing my nose for this whole pod I'm in bits yeah I feel awful you don't look thick I've not stopped blowing my nose for this whole pod I'm in bits yeah I feel awful you don't look thick Joe doesn't look great

but you look fine more about Victoria Beckham they've got a really nice house I'd like to live there in the Cotswolds I've told you if I could be any other person in the world

I'd be Harper Beckham she has the fucking her dad's a ride she's really close for him her mum's sound also a ride she's got loads of kill brothers and they're fucking minted

I want to be Harper Beckham and I like her name I'll be Harper Beckham and she's got youth on her side do you want to know some facts about Victoria yeah

she was previously engaged to a fella called Mark Woods and the girls in the Spice Girls didn't like Mark Woods because he did fuck all with himself and so they

she eventually broke up with him because he was just kind of living off her supposedly the thing that's so admirable about Victoria is she's a business

bitch she's just very driven very ambitious obviously a really hard worker anything she turns her hand to

she will succeed at whether it be singing fashion taking it up the ass whatever very ambitious obviously a really hard worker anything she turns her hand to she will succeed at whether it be singing fashion taking it up the ass whatever she can get it done

she was a promo model for a national newspaper and I did my promo modelling remember when I used to model for ice creams and stuff she was married in Luttrell's Town Castle in Ireland

because she loves Irish people what else she auditioned for the role yeah Married in Luttrell's town castle in Ireland because she loves Irish people. What else? I forgot about that. She auditioned for the role. Yeah. And she auditioned for the role of Lara Croft and Angelina Jolie obviously got it in the end. But yeah, I'm a big fan of Victoria now, I have to say. I think about her often.

The acting never took off for her now. I'm sorry. Did you not see Spice Girls the movie? It was brilliant. She's your Roman Empire. Did you see that thing going around about the Roman Empire? I don't know. I just found it out there.

So young people think I'm on TikTok. I don't know. There's something going on on TikTok for a while. Are you still watching TikTok like it's going out of fashion? I am, dude. I'm fucking lashed into it.

I'm bad into TikTok. I am not bad into TikTok, which is good because I already have a problem with my phone you know I'm bad if I watch another organ donation I don't

like there can't be any more organs left I've watched every single organ donation I don't know why eyes as well eyes aren't really organs but they kind of are

you can get eyes people donate eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think if you're gonna donate stuff you have to like I used to be quite picky about what I'd

want to donate but I reckon you just gotta give the eyes give the eyes just give everything it doesn't matter you're just you're just a vacuous

you're nothing doesn't matter what about the face would you give the face I'd give everything like what's the point of having otherwise you just

keep your face for it to have it eaten off by fucking animals in a coffin of course give your face I suppose

you know what and then we wouldn't have to have the open coffin at the wake so we all win. Oh no. I'd have a way. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'd be like,

I'm having my day out in the sitting room. You can't have your day out. And what are they going to do with your dead face? Once your face is dead, it's dead. No, no, no, no.

I'm having my day laid out looking great. I'm going to get a stylist full face Mac. I'm going to get a Mac makeup artist. I'm going to have my day full face Mac going to get a Mac makeup artist

going to have my day I'll come in and spray you spray sprayed sprayed out and then cut me up and take my face but I will have my day

it doesn't work after that you have to make a decision what when you die I'm going to I'm going to put you in a really funny position when you die I'm going to put you in a really funny position When you die

My arms up really high Your legs are like this Boo! Boo! Yeah Stop we're going back to death This is terrible Holding my ass open

Like I'm about to go wax You're getting laser. Like wow. I thought I was coming to like a dignified wake event. Why is the carcass holding its ass open? But no hair. That's so impressive. that's what you're going to get

as old as a coot Australia we're coming to get you we've got tickets for Perth there's tickets for one of our Sydney shows

and there's tickets for Brisbane and Melbourne no Melbourne Melbourne yeah and I've organised us a day out in Sydney and I've organised shows and there's tickets for Brisbane and Melbourne no? Melbourne? Melbourne yeah and I've organised us a day out in Sydney and I've organised us with my friends from Australia and I've organised us

fun in Melbourne with my friends from Melbourne you also know I guess that's the end of the podcast bye bye everyone bye everyone oh before we go so me and Vogue have decided

we're going to go big on Halloween this year I think because I'm in Canada and it's all autumnal and I'm feeling very like feral fall

feral fall vibes they call it fall over here because the leaves fall makes sense love it taking that home so we're looking for

stories about Halloween like funny kind of trick or treating stories or like funny costume stories or anything I want to dress up as the penguin

from Batman so hello at mtgmpod.com or you can DM me personally don't bother DMing please

no don't DM Joanne personally please because we spend hours trying to find them then she doesn't favour them it's the worst Personally, don't bother DMing. Please don't. No, don't DM Joanne personally, please. Because we spend hours trying to find them. Then she doesn't pay with them. It's the worst. I don't have time for that. Please DM Jo.

I'm going to get into spookiness. I'm in the mood for a bit of spookiness. Let's go big on Halloween. I've already bought my Halloween costume. So there. Have you? What are you dressing up as? Well, a witch.

But I also want to dress up as the Penguin Man from Batman. A witch? A witch. She as? Well, a witch, but I also want to dress up as the penguin man from Batman. A witch? A witch. She wanted me to be a witch. Did she say witch or...? Bye.