My Therapist Ghosted Me - Electric Picnic, Don't Worry Darling Drama & Genitals on TV

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Fresh from EP, Vogue, the gossip queen is obsessed with the Don't Worry Darling drama, Joanne's been watching Naked Attraction and we're creating scandals for publicity. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. Joe you're probably used to this one Saying people go One two Two One two Two Instead of just saying

One two One two It's two Two One two They're the pirate radio DJs From the early noughties You can't let it go

For all that and then the club And the tamangos Remember all that Remember you used to bring Tamangos Where the gang goes? Yeah. This one's going out

for Darren and the girls getting ready to go to Tamangos. You just know Darren's going to roofie all of them. I used to, when I stayed in my dad's house, I used to wait

until he went to bed and I used to climb out my bedroom window like I was from America and I'd literally just walk my bedroom window like I was from America and uh I literally just walked the road to mangoes I like I'm America they all do it over there they all do it over there they come down that like um flower wall what's it called I waited for Jason to throw some stones at my window yeah he pulled up in a convertible Ferrari even though he's 20 years

about oh my god honestly if like I have got to start watching my mouth on the podcast any podcast I've been saying I've been saying this to you for years I know it's really like everything it's it's like there's no other news anymore like any old boring thing I say like today I read something like Vogue Williams is terrified daughter Gigi is gonna be kidnapped it's like no that's not what I that's not how I said it kind of god so Gigi was in her own room and I just got into my head that someone was gonna steal her because she's so cute and so I made Spenny go and sleep in the room with her and now everyone thinks that I'm terrified of Shishi being kidnapped but that's not what I said. Sounds like that's

exactly what you said. Yeah but what was the other one? The worst one was sorry about my virginity. I've been misquoted and then we play it back and we're like it's literally word for word what she said. Hold on, can we just flag the fact that Vogue is turned up to this podcast looking like Cindy

Crawford with a full face and full makeup and hair like she's going to her dabs and I have, I'm actually putting on a pair of sunglasses I can't I look like there's a bit of Britney here when she got her extensions, remember the black extensions Yes I was on a shoot today there's a bit of Brittany here when she got her extensions remember the black extensions yes

I was on a shoot today I don't care where you were what I'm asking for is a bit of heads up if you're going to rock up looking like that me and Jo we deserve to know

you should have looked at my Instagram stories I've been showing off my face all day I went for a run like this by the way I went running like imagine when people

are like Jesus she really makes an effort to go running Spencer is one lucky lucky man I think it's the hottest I've ever seen you

it's like the dog it's like that um dash hound blow dry never happened Joanne on my way home

from said run today how many ring lights are on you today this is insane I'm in my mother's kitchen I'm trying to mother's kitchen.

I'm trying to look if there's even a torch. I need a torch or something. Shine something on me. There's literally nothing. Even like a key ring, you know, the alarm. Why don't you sit in front of the window?

That's where the good light is. No, don't because you'll unplug your microphone. Sorry, we had a little technical error there because I ripped my mic out because Vogue suggested I turn to the window to get more natural light to be more attractive but turns out I'm still in bits sorry but sorry that we had a little technical error there because I ripped my mic out because

Vogue suggested I turn to the window to get more natural light to be more attractive but turns out I'm still in bits while looking at the window your glasses are nice now I feel bad about the next thing I'm going to say but honestly it happened on the way home from the run and you did one day say I looked like an Afghan hound when I tell you I bumped into a dog, that was the image of you. Excuse me? Are you talking about when I just bumped into you at Battersea Park just there now? I had to stop at the owner's. I said to the owner's, I was like,

excuse me, can I take a picture of your dog? Because it looks like my friend. You got a picture? Of course I got a picture. I was actually because it looks like my friend you got a picture of course i got a picture i was actually gonna text you be like joanna we doing this are we doing this remote or are we meeting each other at my head i got it was quite aggressive as well i was like oh oh God. Oh, was it a pug? Was it a rock wild?

What was it? Oh dear. I'm sorry now. My hairstylist, my colorist is going to be absolutely fuming. I just think

when you've got your hair down when you use the real curly thing that's you yes yeah I actually agree but I have to say

I think that dog looks fantastic it does look fantastic great body as well great body it spits in me when I've pedigree chum stuck in my beard

remember that time I went out with pedigree chum stuck in my beard and everyone was taking photos of me put a needle around my neck and dragged me around.

He's actually really cute. I love that. Yeah, you're welcome. I thought you did. Is that the Arthur? What's it called? King Arthur's on the corner? The Prince Albert. Prince Albert. Is it Prince Albert, Jo? Is that not a piercing? It's a willy.

It's not a willy. It's a piercing on the top of a dick. She says aggressively. On the subject of animals, you are not going to believe what happened to me today. I went to a shoot, right? Walked in the door. To my left,

there's a baby zebra. A baby zebra stuffed. A stuffed baby zebra. Oh God, okay, fine. Sorry. Hold on. A stuffed baby zebra. And it was beside a peacock.

And first of all, I was like, oh my God it was beside a peacock and first of all I was like oh my god look at that peacock and then I spotted the zebra and I'm like the peacock looks so crap beside the zebra

and peacocks are amazing and then wait for it the piece de la resistance I went upstairs what was upstairs Santa a stuffed flamingo

I kid you not. I nearly wanted to ask the owner could I buy it because it had the most fantastic pink feathers. It was brilliant. Vogue, were you gigging in Hamley's, that toy shop on Oxford Street? It was this mad house.

They had all this like loads of stuffed crap. They had an owl. Very nice looking owl. Have you seen the way owls sleep? Face down. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Bat into the ground, face down. What are you flogging these days?

Where were you? Why are you late? Why are you dressed like that? It was for a shoot for a magazine. I'm actually flogging nothing, which is unusual. Flogging absolutely nothing today. I'm flogging.

I've got shit to flog. My UK tour is still on sale more more more yeah more more more where are you going in the UK

you've done Chester I've done Chester it was fantastic standing ovation I'm kidding I haven't done Chester yet brilliant show she's done Chester

it happened on Tuesday I'm to say about the replay of Chester yeah I'm on my way to Chester as we record this but they don't know that the talk I did I'm front page

the Chester Gazette such was the success of the show there you go Chester News I've never seen a better show than what you did in Chester but I know you're going to

trump that yeah yeah Yeovil look out Yeovil you need to contact Chester and ask them what happened there

because once you hear what happened in Chester Yoval are going to be all over Yoval you're going to regret your decisions Yoval

Yoval Yoval Yoval you'll regret your decision and Birmingham don't get me started you've made a big mistake big mistake

well the big mistake was me booking the hippodrome but anyway yes Birmingham you've made a huge mistake this is on you don't want you to do much

I dare you I've fucking not I'm not letting any of them in now fuck them so what tell me tell me what your gig's on please

I'm like we're looking for the votes please please please go to Joanne's gig please Birmingham please

cut the squealing Joe will you I want to have some dignity she says wearing a full pair of sunglasses drinking white wine in the middle of the day god if Jo, will you? I want to have some dignity. She says wearing a full pair of sunglasses, drinking white wine in the middle of the day. God, if I had a white claw, I would have it now, actually, to be honest with you.

Because Joanne's so bad. I'm going to do it. What have I got coming up, Jo? What have I got coming up? I'm going to look. I'm on your page. Let's see now. Send me the sales report today. So let's see where it needs a bit of help, okay?

Jesus. Well, Bristol sold out. Liverpool sold out. Do you see where it needs a bit of help, okay? Jesus, well Bristol's sold out. Liverpool's sold out. Do you know where it needs a lot of love? Warwick Arts Centre. They won't do it if you're going to say Warwick.

It's Warwick. Why is there, it's spelled Warwick now. It's Warwick. Is it? Okay, Warwick. Joanne, Jesus Christ, you're very sold out.

Would you stop gigging? I'm not having, this is not on. Sheffield, oh my God, yeah. I'd go to the Sheffield one. I'm going to the Apollo. I know're very sold out. Would you stop gigging? I'm not having, this is not on. Sheffield. Oh my God. Yeah, I'd go to the Sheffield one. I'm going to the Apollo. I know it's sold out.

You can do Birmingham. You've got Cambridge. You've got one more Apollo. Two more Apollos. Cardiff, Telford, Exeter. My agent has kindly marked in red the ones that need urgent attention. Oh, I don't see any. any no that's not on the website

because that would be very embarrassing that's a private email I was looking for them oh my god you're going to Dubai this has to stop the one that's marked in red that's at crisis point is Telford I don't know if you've heard but I'm coming

and you're marked in red with urgent written above you which is never good so I don't know if you've heard but I'm coming and you're you're marked in red with urgent written above you which is never good so I don't know what that means so Telford sort that out or else

if things don't improve I will be gigging I'll just rope off a corner of the local Starbucks and just do just do a full hour me and Gerode do a full hour

to the 12 people who bought tickets for the place in Telford. Ah, Telford. Don't be like that, Telford. It's unfair. I don't need any more shit. I'm really still trying

to get on my TikTok game, which is proving very difficult because I'm an old grandmother. I think TikTok is fine, but I mean I don't know how to follow people I'll show you

Will we talk about Electric Picnic? Yes let's Absolutely We had the best time didn't we? We did We did

We had such a good time Thanks so much to everyone who came It was For everyone who came, we had the time of our lives. There was a chance that we'd die in our hell in a tent to like seven people

and that didn't happen. So we're very grateful. Thank you very much. Very grateful. And Joe both said I had to go back to Vicar Street. But Joe, Joe, was that your first time in Ireland?

It was my first time ever. Oh, well, you got lots done in fairness. You did get, you saw a lot of leash. I did, yeah leash which is quite nice i had the time of my life so you did i joanne and i were lucky enough to get a backstage area dressing room grand and i was there and i went over to say good luck to the coronas who was in

their dressing room only mary black go on isn't their mother? She's the mother of the Coronas. She's the Julie Andrews of the Von Trapp chat. So, Jo, it's hard to explain who the Coronas are. They're an Irish band.

Okay, it actually wasn't that hard. That was pretty straightforward. But the, I don't know how many Coronas there are, but everyone I met backstage at Electric Picnic

was a member of the Coronas. So it's their, I think there must be like the size of the Dublin Gospel Choir at this stage. There's fucking millions of them. I will tell you, I dumped the rest of my family

for the whole day just to be a member of the Mary Black Corona O'Reilly family because their sister's sound, Danny is sound, the older brother is sound, Mary Black and her husband

are sound I had a great time I was actually like I was just trying to shake my own family off they just kept hanging on get lost

I found new people do you know who else I went to see Snow Patrol never had any like I nearly wasn't going to go and I was like no I'm going to go

they are they were so amazing now your man looked like like he was in dire need of a hairbrush I mean, I've never seen anything like it. His hair,

Joe, was his hair not desperate? Oh, he's a musician. He can do what he wants. Desperate. He looked like he was off on a hike in his top as well. And I was like,

is that your best outfit to wear, to wear on stage? That's, that's your best outfit. I'm not being bad. My hair, my hair looked a bit, it was,

I kind of, I made a quick call on put, leaving my hair down for our, and I'm sure there's people saying the exact same thing about my hair. Snow Patrol, is that your man who's married to your one for friends? Yeah, but he's the keyboard player. The main singer is, he called Gary Lightbody or something like that. Yeah. How do I know that?

Do you want, I was up there singing all their songs. I've never bought a Snow Patrol song in my life. And I knew all the words. singing all their songs. I've never bought a Snow Patrol song in my life and I knew all the words. And then, right, I have found my backup. You know the way I'm always talking, I need a backup.

Now he doesn't know about it yet because I didn't actually get to meet him. Alex Turner, hands off, everyone, he is mine. Oh my God. Joe, you even fancied him. He's from the Arctic Monkeys. Oh my God, he's so cool.'s actually probably oh alex turner girlfriend just came up is he going out with alexa chung

he used to they're broken up thank you i've already listen if you think i didn't go home and absolutely wikipedia the shit out of him he's got no girlfriend at the moment okay i checked and i did one time i spotted him in Chelsea. I'm raging. I didn't like stop. I don't mean to size shame but he's what we call in the biz a pocket rocket. You could stick him in your pocket now, he'd be gone. I like a pocket rocket

right? Yeah. We all have one of them. Stick him in your top pocket now and you wouldn't even need to bring him anywhere. You just park him in your top pocket. He's such a ride when you see him on stage. I have to say I had a great time with him absolutely great time I had a great time for the two hours

that I was there I thoroughly enjoyed myself and yeah curious to know how many members of the Coronas there are couldn't keep up with them there is an awful lot of them

it's a large family as well but like as I said my new family are really sound I love all of them I can't believe you're Mary Black's daughter

I am Mary Black's daughter she's asked me Adam's at the window excuse me that's one of her songs Adam's at the window staring at the apple trees on fire I went there with one of my boyfriends I dragged him to

a Mary Black gig in Vicar Street but like Mary Black's amazing if for anyone who doesn't know who Mary Black is because I don't know whatever you might not know she's an Irish singer she has a song called Only a Woman

I don't know it's Only a Woman Only a Woman's Heart Will Know best song to listen to after you've drank two bottles of red wine and smoked a box of Marble Lights out in the garden on your own

yes a very good song to listen to alone it's a real good song to listen to alone and cry even though you know no real reason. Just like have a good cry.

It just makes you, it's all about basically just being a woman and how women know shit that men don't know. Basically just have more emotional intelligence. And she just kind of. It made me think that I'd love to go to, I'd love to go to like an old school Irish gig with like 20 people in the room because I don't like to be overcrowded.

So I'd have Mary Black would be on stage, Christy Moore. We could have a Damo Dempsey and you, me and maybe about 15 other people could go. Vogue, why don't you just have a private event for your 60th coming up next year and like hire these people to play? Well, I was thinking I wouldn't do that for my 60th, but considering your 70th is coming up next year and like hire these people to play well I was thinking I wouldn't do that for my 60th but considering your 70th is coming up next year we could maybe do it for that it seems like more of an occasion I was gonna get married for my mom though because my mom has a big birthday coming up and I thought I wonder if I could get married and then it would just basically be for me so it'd be like one of those presents that you're like, look, I got you a present when it's actually for you.

There is something very motherly about Mary. I don't mean that in a dismissive way or anything. She just seems like a really kind, wise, very talented, creative woman. Kind, wise, yeah, sound, great family, as I said before. But EPE, I thought was amazing. And I loved every second of it. And I would like to do it again.

Please and thank you. My week, so I'm finally getting around to having my eyes lasered. Oh really? I thought they looked weird today. No, I haven't had them done yet. Oh.

Are you going to, that's like, are you going to put on makeup or it's on? Oh my God, it's on. Are you changing before we go out? Are you not going to put on makeup or oh my god it's on are you changing before we go out are you you're not gonna wear that are you um therapy you've gone into laser and eyes so obviously i'm swinging at them so what happens when you get your eyes lasers so this is the thing

i thought because obviously i get all my information from sex in the city do you remember when miranda got her eyes lasers and sex in the city and they it was back in the day when they used to literally make an incision and flip up your iris. Yeah, yeah. They used to like replace like say it's like a set of glasses and they put like a new lens on your eye. Now again, like don't quote me on this. I'm just, it's just you know,

what I think myself. What do you get now? Now, I have, firstly, I have the perfect eyes for lasering. My eyes are very curvy, curvaceous, fat eyes basically. You look curvaceous. They're gorgeous. I've got a good fat eye. So apparently that's why your vision changes

because your iris kind of bubbles up and then they basically just laser it flat again. So I thought I was going to have my eyes held open like your mom from Clockwork Orange and then this tiny little syringe was going to come down. I remember cutting open an eye in biology in school. We used to slice open cow's eyes. They're very resilient.

Where did you get the eyes? We never got the eyes. We only had hearts and stuff. Only had hearts. We clearly had eyes because they couldn't get hearts. You want hearts. Hearts is what you want.

You want to get the eyes out of the butchers. I don't fucking know where they got them. And they were really rubber. They were like golf balls. It was really hard to make the incisions. Do remember no no anyway we never got eyes eyes are rock hard rock hard that's what i should say actually when i'm asking for poached eggs because you know they always make them runny

i'm like give me i always say make them like a golf ball but make them like a cow's eye just fucking rock hard that's kind of gross me out the thoughts of eating an eye like i really that's what i want that's eye that's how hard I want my poached eggs I want to have to use a scalpel to get them open that's literally

what I want in my poached egg anyway but yeah so I'm going to have the gift of sight so anyway then

she says my eyes are very well aligned they're both looking the same way yeah basically yes they're both looking the same way

well Spenny Spenny doesn't Spenny like Spenny's't, Spenny, like, Spenny's eyes don't look the same way. Have you ever noticed that about him? Slight. One looks the other way a bit. No.

Never noticed that about him. Yeah, yeah. Stop. He gave it to his dad because he decided his dad gave it to him. Has Spencer got a wonky eye? He's a bit of a wonky eye, yeah. No way. You know, there's things they can do

there's some sort of splint they can put on it now to kind of refocus. It was weird because when he used to drink they'd realign and they'd go back because he never drinks anymore now so there's always one the other way. It was like the drink straightened him out a little bit. That is so funny.

One of my mates Sinead, she had the opposite problem. She'd drink and her eyes would spin off in different directions and you're like how is she still focused but she'd still make her way around the place

and get from A to B but like her eyes one eye would be looking up off the top right and the other eye would be looking off the top bottom and it was unbelievable

spinning around Amber I know she's had a drink when she's had too much to drink one of her eyes would be closed she gets like a sticky eye.

One of them just closes. Gina, do you remember Gina had the eye surgery and when we were at your gig when you were doing the palladium, she's like, is Joanne green? I was like,

no, Gina. She had her eyes done like three days before and she was convinced Joanne was green. I was like, she's not green. That would concern me

if I woke up after surgery and everything was green. I'd be like, hmm. She's gone back to normal now though and at least she'll have fresh eyes well your woman's saying to me she was like

it's perfect for people like you because I don't wear contacts or glasses so I've just kind of accepted like I've just kind of gotten used to not being able to see anything

she's like so it'll be like having the world switched on for you she's like it's going to be amazing I was like I can't wait can you imagine Joanne with contacts she'd probably have about four pairs in at the same time she'd probably have about four pairs in at the same time

she'd just constantly forget to take them out to wash them what anyway I'm looking forward to being able to see I can't wait

gift of sight for Joanne I know I'd be like oh my god what am I what's going to happen Jo I'd be like oh my god Jo's a man

what people are always so surprised at what you look like Jo I can't wait to bring you on tour just to roll you out so people can at what you look like Jo I can't wait to bring you on tour just to roll you out so people can see what you look like we're going to stick you

in a little booth in the corner yeah a little box look at my week Mary Black electric picnic flamingo dog that looks like joanne you know i love a bit of gossip right like it's just outrageous like anywhere i go if i see

someone new the first thing i have to ask them is do you have any gossip i can't help it it just falls out of my mouth um so this harry styles olivia wilde chris pine florence pew drama is so good for my soul i love it so much how good is it like it's never ending just for the bit of background is it a don't worry darling is the film don't you worry dar no i'm thinking of what they're called swedish house mafia don't you worry don't you worry darling no I'm thinking of what are they called Swedish house mafia don't you worry don't you worry child that new film I took a

pill and I beat that I love that film it's Harry Styles don't worry darling so it's like the kind of it actually looks really good I love this kind of sci-fi glitchy glitch in

the matrix style movies well I hate to tell you but I heard glitchy, glitch in the Matrix style movies. Well, I hate to tell you, but I heard it's shite. All the reviews said it's shite, which means I will love it. If the reviews say it's shit, that's right up my street. So there's a movie called Don't Worry Child. Not to be mixed. Don't Worry Child.

I can't get that out. Ounce, ounce, ounce, ounce, ounce ounce ounce ounce ounce ounce ounce there's a movie called Smack My Bitch Up with Harry Styles and Florence Pugh and it's been directed

by Olivia Wilde you just can't get the DJ you can't get the DJ out of your boat can you you just can't get that DJ I can't

my mind just thinks in music, you know, because I'm such a fantastic DJ. It's all music. What's the bloody, what's it called? Don't Worry Child. So there's a film, oh my God,

there's a film called Don't Worry Darling, which is directed by Olivia Wilde and it's infamous now for where Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles got together. And there's been all this drama around because Olivia was in a relationship.

She was engaged to a man when this happened. They have kids together. And he served her custody papers during a press junket for the film on stage. And supposedly, but supposedly Olivia cheated on Jason Sudeikis with Harry Styles. And that's why Florence Pugh didn't like them.

And that's why they haven't didn't like them and that's why they haven't gotten on but then there was another twist in the story where Olivia Wilde said she fired Shia LaBeouf and then Shia LaBeouf

came out and was like you didn't fire me you actually begged me to come back on the film and she there was a video of her actually begging him

to go back on the film so she's been a little how could you lie about something when you know that they have a video it's very well she obviously didn't know he had a recording of the phone conversation where she was asking him So she's been a little, how could you lie about something when you know that they have a video? It's very,

well, she obviously didn't know. He had a recording of the phone conversation where she was asking him, could we make it work? She sent him a video message. Oh, was it a video? I don't know why. Yeah, it was a message. Because I think there's kind of this rule

in Hollywood, isn't there, that if someone gets kicked off a film, it just says, oh, there was a clash of work commitments or there was, you know, you know, blah, blah, blah. They kind of always, there's always a diplomacy around it where she basically lied and was, you know, you know, blah, blah, blah. They kind of always, there's always a diplomacy

around it where she basically lied and was like, yeah, he had a real kind of combative energy and we had to get rid of him which just wasn't true.

Now, I think he does have a combative energy. Yeah, I would. It's kind of weird she wanted to work with him anyway. I thought he was cancelled.

Combative. Combative. Combative. I know. That'll be, that'll be, that's J. Moe Damsey. That's because you're talking

about J. Moe Damsey earlier. I went to Vogue's Ma's 70th birthday It was a very combative Energy In the room With the sisters Combative Do you know who

Tame O'Damsie is Jo? Yes We continue Yeah It's one of these Like he's kind of like A war hero For a lot of dubbers

Everyone loves Tame O'Damsie He's like fucking Michael Collins but em yeah he is actually anyway Sheila

yeah Shia fuck me what's happening what's happening what is what is happening today what is happening today

this is just this is this is very loose. Very good. You'd have Dama back in the beers. I haven't drank in seven years, but I was like, seven years.

I can't do the drum like this. We're not the Wilson Spencer. There's a thing. Anyway, I'm not going to mention it. Anyway, Shia LaBeouf got kicked off the film. I can't do the drum anyway I'm not going to mention anyway Shia LaBeouf

got kicked off the film now they're going to all this big press conference and Florence Pugh supposedly didn't turn up for the first bit

scheduling crap again and then Harry and Olivia didn't even look at each other if you look at all the videos they don't even look at each other that's why I've now decided

that I think they've broken up. I don't agree. I think they've made a decision to go, this film can't be about our relationship. So we're not going to be pictured side by side. So there was all these articles going around. If you saw the seating arrangements for the preview,

it was like trying to seat a family who have fallen out but it's like a wedding or something. like it was like trying to seat like a family who have fallen out but it's like a wedding or something like it was really strategic a really strategic seating plan and they're saying Florence didn't look at Olivia well but she did actually I was I did a deep dive she did look at her but yeah but she said as well do you know what I'm like she said the Florence pew because Harry and Olivia hooked up on the film that Florence is the star so Harry's just the supporting actor

so she was like where's my fucking director she's out the back getting fingered by Harry Styles do you know what I mean like where's the like I need attention to detail

is that not is that not where we'd all be I need to be directed by my director who is dry writing Harry Styles out the back on the bins

out the back of the studio so I'd be raging as well so that's I think where it all started as well but anyway look serious dramas and of course we lean in it's literally making

Waggett the Christie look pathetically boring in comparison I know it's amazing fuck it to my veins fuck it to my veins but also Florence Pugh

was also pissed off that like all the scenes of like Harry Styles going down in her were the ones that were released and she's like that's not what it's about it's not about like the most famous man in the world like in a sex scene

blah blah blah I mean I was pretty happy with those parts you know I thought there was very good acting there okay I wonder do they now with all the there's all this kind of like they have sex coaches and stuff I bet he had to wear a little tongue guard.

Oh. Really? Yeah. No, I don't think he could actually get his tongue out. There wouldn't be tongue on like... Everything's different in sexy movies

since it's all the post Me Too. There's like tongue guards now. Sorry, they muzzle him like a dog and they're like, well, I pretend to go down and they're there. That's not what happens.

No, a tongue guard where it's like a gum shield for the tongue so you put it in he is going down there but there's no actual contact being made it's a tongue guard I mean what what you not understand about a tongue guard it's so obvious you've just reminded me about something so embarrassing during my modeling days i went for this um that's modeling advert it was it was it was a mcdonald's ad that i went for right and uh and we had to go in and pretend to kiss somebody well when i say we fucking scored the face off each other i mean like wearing the heads off each other for this much and like I was really shocked I didn't get a call back but like proper going for it like instead of just like that's so

embarrassing who was the I was really off the mark I don't even remember who he was this is amazing random he was just a random that was also going for the job and I like ate his head well he ate mine back yeah but this was this was that was also going for the job and I like ate his head. Well, he ate mine back. Yeah, but this was, that was back in the day. There was different times. That's what you did. You got stuck in.

I had to get stuck in. If I was on a film... They weren't happy when he started putting his hands down my pants. I said, hey, this is for McDonald's, right? Wrong ad!

Joke, joke, before anyone picks that shit up. Fuck me. Back to the drama. I'll tell you this would you if I was in a film where they were like you have to have Harry Styles going down you but we're going to have him use a tongue guard I'd be like I'm actually more of a method actor myself to be honest I am up there with

what's your man's name the method guy the main method guy Irish guy Daniel Day-Lewis he's quit acting though Daniel Day tell you there wouldn't be a tongue guard used there now

tongue guard freeze out I might let Daniel Day use a tongue guard but not with Harry Styles he doesn't need one that's why when they were saying it accusing Harry Styles

of spitting on your man Chris Fine I was like fucking Chris Pine Chris Fine lucky bastard is what I was thinking lucky bastard

lucky bastard apparently Harry can't act which brings me great joy because I am sick of everyone being able to do everything it really pisses me off because I know at some stage in my career I'll probably be I'll probably have to act and I know I won't be able to do it so I'm aligning

myself with the Harry Styles so I'm like yeah he's not able to do everything no and he can't did you hear his explanation oh my god and I love Harry. I feel like, spit on me, Harry, spit on me. But did you hear his explanation of like, it's a movie.

It's just a real movie. And Chris Pine looks like he's literally, he actually looks like he's passed away and died in that very moment. He's kind of zoning out. I mean, where did Harry think the movie was going to go? It was obviously going to go into theatres

because it is a film. That's like when you start talking about your sleep patterns. That's what I do. I just kind of zone out and I think about tripling waterfalls. I just can't believe that you wouldn't be interested in that. Like, I'm interested in everybody's. I wish there was some kind of act

where I could see everyone's. Sorry, this was... An invitation Check your computers Oh my god Gina slept for four hours Last night Why?

That's a desperate Sleep for her Anyway Harry saw his contact I'm thrilled Fair play Harry And I would just like to say I don't think Harry

Spat in your man's lap I just don't think he did I think No he didn't Long winning joke No he definitely didn't Come on He didn't

But there is More tension on that fucking film set i that they need a chiropractor or a neck brace something something they need something i would just like to i'd like to say it here first uh my thoughts are that they're either breaking up or they're going to break up but that could also be wishful thinking i'll tell you this much vogue i'll tell you this much Okay Mental note If we're struggling To sell tickets

For any Any part of our Business venture Which is My Therapist Goes To Dream We will do an event Where we won't look at We won't look at each other I'll spit in your face

Why don't Why don't you go Walk down Oxford Street Holding Spencer's hand Something like that I'll start riding Joe You'll get really You'll be like

Where's my Joe Where's my producer where's my producer? Yes, yes. Shit'll kick off. Yeah. Because I tell you, it's a great way to get publicity. A feud. Right.

If our three arena tickets don't sell, that's what we'll do. Jo, you're taking it for the team. Jo. You're taking it for the team, Jo. And remember, Jo, I won't use a tongue guard, Jo, so prepare yourself. I am a method actor. It's the only way I can do it, okay? I think that's a fantastic idea.

But our three arena tickets will be on sale when this goes out, by the way, won't they? They will be indeed, Vogue. Nice segue. Nice segue. Now, Joanne,

go and give Spenny a wank. Oh, my God. My cousin was like to me my mom wants to come and watch your show and i was like you can fucking forget about it i was like no way my auntie's like 82 i'm like she is not like coming to our show talking about the stuff that we talk about it's unacceptable i'm really worried all my aunties are going to now want to so we might have to create a special show for them okay no I'll tell you what we're going to

do there'll be a DNA test at the door anyone who anyone who has a blood relative mute or Vogue will not be welcome exactly

no sorry sorry you I'm adopted blood relatives of mine can come because I don't know so but anyone related to Vogue cannot come fine there we go

spit in a tube please spit in a tube Oh, can I come? Right. There we go. Spit in a tube, please. Spit in a tube. John's gone to the fridge again. Look, we can see her. We can see her at the fridge. Off she goes. I'm back.

This wine is gorgeous. I don't know what it is I would like to talk about Do you know what I watched For the first time I've kind of Like kind of Tapped in and out of it But never watched a full episode

Naked Attraction I realise I'm late to the game I know it's been on for a while it is very late it's the weirdest thing I've ever watched sorry Joanne

hang on a second you've been watching Naked Attraction right and my new show said news you haven't even watched that well I was watching Tell You I'm Proud of Peter

I will tell you Proud of Peter hasn't recorded oh Peter's so nice. I just thought, yeah, he's mad about you. I mean, actually, that's a more realistic hookup than me, Spencer, or Joe.

Okay, fine, I'll do it. I'll do it. I think you and Prada Peter would be a better fit. Prada Peter, definitely. Oh, I'd definitely give him a go. Yep. Yes.

Totally. Vuitton Vogue. Louis Vuitton Vogue and Prada Peter boom out of interest when will he be in London again just wondering

it depends on ticket sales as I said once the slump starts I'll put him on a plane and send him over with this Louis Vuitton overnight vibe that he's always trying

to get me to use I'm like I'm not fucking using it it's embarrassing he's like please you've got your nice two cases yeah exactly

oh yeah so we have Send Nudes recorded and we are going to watch it but I just thought it might be a bit of a Vogue overload for Prada Peter

so we watched Naked Attraction I just think it's such the show is mad right and it's mad enough that they can't even get it made in America

because they're like it's just too mad really it does really well yeah but they're it made in America because they're like, it's just too mad. Really? It does really well. Yeah, but they're too conservative in America. Like, think about it. Firstly, whatever about embarrassing bodies, because you're getting something cured that you don't now understand

and it's probably saving you the medical costs, et cetera, et cetera. What on earth are you getting out of being on a naked attraction? Like, firstly, the way the pods open from the bottom up, that's not even a good like what not a great angle but genitals look terrible from even a high angle under a ring light

like why would you go low angle with no ring light what angle do they look good at there's no angle that they look good at like try and make a fanny look good

excuse no no no no I won't have it said I won't have it said okay if you stand straight on right if you stand straight on right if you stand

straight on and you've just like you're sitting there but like don't be opening your legs or anything like that come on they haven't even contoured

I'm like girls if you're gonna be on that show can I say one thing though I think that this show and I did a I actually did a podcast with Anna Richardson and she was saying

the same thing that it normalizes vulvas and vaginas and dicks. It makes us all so different. So like everyone

just thinks that they should have this one kind of vagina when actually they're all so different and it's nice to see all the different ones and I for one

enjoy perusing them. I could not agree with you more. I'm such a creep on this pod by the way. I'm actually not that creepy so at the start when I was watching it I was like this is just so bananas like I couldn't get my head around it I was like these people how much attention do you like I'd rather fake my own death if I needed

that much attention I would just never go on a show like that I know then as I then as I watched it I was like actually this is like the antithesis to Love Island. This is what we need. It's like actual bodies, actual genitalia. Yeah. Like tiny dicks, huge dicks. Like, you know, it was just like a charcuterie board of genitals. I was actually just so impressed by the whole thing at the end. But I was like, this is amazing. This is what it should be.

These normal bodies. Fair play to them for just like I wouldn't be able to do that just stand there with my bit now some of them could do it

a little haircut down there I will say a tidy up possibly you're looking at another you're looking at another headline there where you absolutely

despise anyone with pubic hair remember the last time that happened oh yeah I don't despise anyone with pubic hair I just like a trim

a bit of a trim trim well I just thought the whole thing was empowering I would say but i can't believe you've never seen that show it's actually it's been on for years and people do think it's like people think it's insane that it's even going ahead but it is really good and i think the same embarrassing bodies like that was also mad when you see or like do

you ever see dr pimple popper like I love shows like that and I watch that and people like who've been living with like this absolute melon coming out of their head and they've just been going around with it and it's like

all you had to do was get all the stuff pushed out of it and then it wouldn't look like that I know there was some I saw something

on the internet the other day there was a woman she had a tumour the size of a fridge on her back she had it removed well I mean

that's a tumour you can't really you can't really burst a tumour which is probably it's a different thing but um i also kind of find it fascinating about naked attraction so the one i watched the other day i thought sorry the most recent one first year it was a taxi driver who had the biggest dick they've ever seen on it yeah like it was genuinely like a third arm it was insane even like down to his knee?

Even Anna Richardson was like, I've actually never seen anything like it. So I understand why men like him go on. Do you know what I mean? Like he's just, that's just a power play on his part. Well, do you know what? Not necessarily,

because that actually could be, that could be a bad thing in the bedroom because sometimes men who have such big dicks like that, they can't get like a hard on properly. So they only have like, it's like it doesn't go up. It just hangs down and it doesn't get fully hard because you need so much blood to go into it oh my god imagine you're like imagine your dick's that big you

can only get it half erect because you're like i need a blood transfusion to get hard it's so big yeah some people have dicks that big now if you'd watched my show if you'd watched my show send nudes you would have seen the man with the biggest dick in the world. And he just gets it out and he's just flopping it all over the place. Huge, huge, huge. Well, your one sent this lad away because she was like, I'm not

dealing with that, which is actually fair enough. You'd have to get an extension put in yourself. You couldn't be dealing with it. So I did actually feel kind of sorry for him then. It kind of comes out like this big impressive thing and then you're like actually how does he how do people deal with that and they they don't they literally don't you'd have to holler yourself out like a pumpkin to deal with them and I was like I just wouldn't be doing that I know sorry Joe I know also so your woman's really annoyed so she chose this guy and then they went to date

your man clearly wasn't into it then she was getting real ratty with him that he wasn't into it and I was like but you're as if like you're not with people because of how they're gentle like you know what I mean you're not like

oh I'm with this guy he's you know he's not that kind to me but his scrotum is exceptional so I'm just gonna try and make it work that's not how people act so you know what I mean

it's not it's not a realistic way of meeting anyone well I mean it's kind of it's a weird concept to look at someone's like dick and and fanny and just be like oh I'll go out with you like I know it just I did I found I thought it was great I thought it was great it was absolutely fantastic and then it reminded me so I was reading an article about because I think reality is kind of making a comeback as in like there's this kind of push

back against all this heavily curated lifestyle and love island bodies and stuff there's a new kind of social platform called be real have you heard about this yes i've heard of it yeah yeah yeah you have to take it tell it sends you a message when to take a selfie and you have to take it there and then and it has just a realistic selfie there's no i like that there's two well i was reading an article someone's like so basically you just take one ugly selfie a day I don't understand why anyone would be forced to take one ugly selfie

why would anyone try so you have to take a photo of your surroundings and then the camera turns around and you take a photo of yourself and it has to be within two minutes and then that's kind of the concept of it

it's just be real so it's just photos of fucking little stops and whatever but do you remember when people used to be doing those no makeup no makeup selfie day

and they'd be like like really we have to have a whole day dedicated to not wearing makeup and having to put it on but do you remember when people used to be doing those no makeup, no makeup selfie day. And they'd be like, like, it's really, we have to have a whole day dedicated to not wearing makeup and having to put it on Instagram. Like, can you not just do that? Like whenever you feel like it,

I always find that was a bit like, plus they're probably doing it with, you know, bring lights coming out their ass. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Come on.

Let's be real. We know the tricks of the trend. Anyway. So I, I signed up to be real and the thing it's, it was like, want to Yeah, come on. Let's be real. We know the tricks of the trend. Anyway, so I signed up to be real and the thing, it was like, anyway, the thing started clacking away

and taking photos and I was half naked in the bed and I freaked out and deleted the app. So I don't know if there's a photo up there. I don't know what's going on. But when I saw the selfie it took of me

without a scrap of makeup or a bit of light or anything, I was like, I reserve the right to live a lie. Fuck this. I will to live a lie fuck this I will just live a lie thank you so much for listening

Joanne would love to say goodbye but she's after stuff in her face with a bag of crisps and we love you lots and she'll hate that I said that

meh And she'll hate that I said that. Bye.