My Therapist Ghosted Me - Expensive Nails, Yoni Steaming & A Poodle's Hoof

Episode Date: August 12, 2022

Better late than never, right? After wifi issues had nuked the podcast recording, it was down to an Ibiza fixer to get it back on track.... But what a track. It's time to learn all about yoni steaming, emergency nail care and Joanne & Vogue finally get round to talking "Wagatha Christie"!If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me from Ibiza with Mevo Williams and Joanne McNally. So we've had an absolute nightmare with the pod and Ibiza and it's just having absolutely no Wi-Fi. I found myself down a dirt road looking for a little bit of Wi-Fi. So this is why the podcast is late. We're very sorry. We got there in the end because there's this woman, Lou. We talk about Lou. Yeah, we love Lou.

So unbelievable. I've never known anything like it. She literally, she's like God, basically. And anything you want clicks her finger. She's got it. She literally, she's like God, basically. And anything you want, clicks her finger, she's got it. She like runs Ibiza. Her job is as a fixer,

which I think is all very good fellas, kind of Sopranos vibes. I'd say she's killed a couple of people, if I'm being honest. She's killed at least three. I'd say she's put a couple

of people in the sea. Like I'd say anything you want, if you were like, I want your, I need an assassination, whether it be a table at Leo's or an assassination

lose your woman she can do anything she kind of runs Ibiza basically so she's sort of the same with the hotel room yeah where we are now

doing ghosted live from Ibiza look at us living your back living your DJ life folk that's why that's where it all began

that's why I wanted to take off my headphones I'm just so used to the DJ life now you're an absolute cow I turned up to one of the we life now. You're an absolute cow. I turned up to one of the, we're working over in Ibiza,

I turned up to one of the locations with a box. It was like a lunchbox or something. It wasn't a lunchbox. It was like a box you'd get a microphone in. Oh, right, okay. It looked like a lunchbox. What did you go to school in? I had to bring it to someone on the crew.

It was like a little lunchbox. Maybe it was a pack lunch or something. Anyway, pure Ibiza, your manager was like, are you with to school in? I had to bring it to someone on the crew it was like a little lunchbox maybe there was a bit of a packed lunch or something anyway pure Ibiza your man at the door was like are you with the DJ? and I was like

yeah Vogue Vogue Vogue I'm going to get into I'm going to I'm going to get into DJing more because I was DJing at the

the Musselboro Races and I had a great time yeah I had to show Joanne the pictures so she believes that I was actually DJing but they're already clearly everyone had already sent them to me already people who were at the event yeah good my spies are everywhere folk my spies are everywhere

I had a great time I was on the train for about 10 hours and it was so lovely to be alone for 10 hours I kind of didn't know what to do to myself but I was a bit now. And I don't want to be one of those people because I know what it's like because I have kids. But a woman came and sat beside me with two kids and I thought, no, no, no. And she had no headphones for the Peppa Pig that was playing. And I thought, I have enough of that shit at home. I'm sorry now.

So I threw them all off the train. Good. When it was moving. Throw your weight around. You're a woman of means now. You're a woman of power. I won't accept now you're a woman of power I won't accept it not on my day alone no way I'm not fucking Williams do you know what

the no headphones thing I stand like I hate like teenagers banging out their shit tunes on darts with no headphones

it's a power play it's like I'm trying to I hate when teenagers are trying to intimidate you with their shit music shite it's always shite music

and kids are doing the same they're trying to intimidate you with their Peppa shite it's always shite music and kids are doing the same they're trying to intimidate you with their Peppa Pig on full blast with no headphones it's a power move the little girl was telling me daggers as well

she was I don't appreciate it at all I think it's I do think I know it's I know it's really hard being a parent and I

to be honest I know more now than I've ever known before having spent literally two days in a villa with a family of what is it 28

I don't fucking know I've lost track there's kids in every drawer in the house in the villa two days in a villa with a family of what is it 28 I don't fucking know I've lost track there's kids in every drawer in the house in the villa every drawer in the villa has a child screaming at it but you know what

I because Vogue was like bring your earphones and I was like ha ha ha and she's like no no no no bring earphones

I sleep with earplugs like even I do sorry earplugs earplugs yeah anyway I didn't bring earplugs and then I even I do. Sorry, earplugs. Earplugs. Anyway, I didn't bring earplugs. And then I was like, oh my God, I'm literally going to stick my phone charger in my ears if it means that I can get it asleep.

Anyway, what did I do? Slept through, woke up one o'clock in the afternoon. Not a bother to me. Slept through all the children screaming, crying. We actually, we were like all morning. And I hadn't even taken a sleeping tablet. I hadn't even drank the night before because we were like all morning we were and i didn't even i hadn't even taken a sleeping tablet i hadn't even drank the night before because we were working the next day she'd gone to bed early as well so like the next day we were like because the kids were having a

particularly bad morning like the screaming was next level i actually felt a bit embarrassed because it was so bad and then when she hadn't like surfaced by 11 i was like oh she's really fucking pissed off she's really fucking pissed off. She's really annoyed at me. And then she comes out with all these marks on her face, like from lying on her hand while she was asleep. I was like, Oh my God.

Unconscious. Slept till one o'clock with banshees screaming all over the house. Theodore and Gigi were absolutely battering each other all morning. Like, I think you'd actually fare quite well with kids because they just have to cry it out. There would be no can you sleep train otto for me please I don't think it's really bad yet I they're like god you're on tough love and I'm like what I was unconscious is the child what what child what age is the child now do you mind your child is now seven years of age it was two

when you went to sleep but it means I'd be a bad mother there could be a child starving in the hallway screaming, crying and I just sleep through that she wandered out the other day and she's like Otto's crying, what happens here? just pointing at him get him fetch him

that's a great idea Joanne honestly, I know this is the last time I'll say it today last time, five and a half hours sleep last night because Otto would not stop I was walking up and down my room

I pretty much did an entire marathon just pacing the room let's put him in your room tonight what do you mean I wouldn't even notice I wouldn't even notice

so if I Vogue Vogue Vogue in her sleep I mean, we could really, we could do, we could do a whole

series on it really. I was trying to take a lovely Insta video this morning. We were driving through, I beat the 10 in a taxi and there was a hot air balloon descending

as the sun rose. And I was trying to take a really nice video and I only could hear Vogue in the background. So it's like five hours, right? And then you wake up and there's a pace coming down.

I can't listen, I can't listen to you talk about all you could hear in Vogue in the background it says like five hours right and then you wake up and the noise pace is coming down I can't listen I can't listen to you talk about your sleep patterns anymore Vogue I can't Joanne I'm going to spike you tonight knock you out let me fucking raise the kids

it'll be less stressful for me to be honest if you think that was a nice insta video as well like clean that hot air balloon looked so crap it did

it was one of those things it looked great clean your camera lens as well okay it's broken I don't want to do it my phone's cracked as well actually

our life is in bits our life's falling apart if it wasn't for Lou we wouldn't be here today either if it wasn't for Lou we probably wouldn't made it past the last two days Vogue's trying to

butter up Lou so we can get we can get this hotel room for 200 euro instead of 500 we can get We can get this hotel room For 200 euro Instead of 500 Sorry I got I beat it

I want to talk about That I was I was robbed Oh Ma Like I actually I can't even It's so

Emma I want you to get I'm going to put the headphones Back in so I can hear you Guess You're going to pass well hold on hold on

let's not oversell it because then she'll over guess okay okay okay so I'm in Ibiza it's peak season that I do take on board I had a nail technician

come to the villa okay her nails were desperate she had to get them done I looked like I'd clawed my way out of a woman's prison do you know what I mean it was like

it was really bad so she comes over I I get I had to get them done I looked like I'd clawed my way out of a woman's prison do you know what I mean it was like it was really bad so she comes over I I get a full set of acrylics and a pedicure guess how much

oh god let's start the bidding where will we start the bidding well how much is it in London like 80 quid no no no it'll be more than that in London now

okay like a full set of acrylics and like sorry a full set of acrylics and like sorry a full full set of acrylics and like gelation like you know shellac on the acrylics or whatever and then pedicure 150 euro okay let's start there start the bidding at 150 euro I've got a little I've got a little hammer here I haven't I haven't hammered anything yet because you need to keep going 200 euro keep going 225 euro keep going I'm out keep going come on 300 euro keep going 225 euro keep going emma keep going come on 300 euro keep going emma

375 keep going emma yeah 450 euro up up 500 euro up no yeah babes 600 euro no don't go crazy emo jeez emo as if I'd pay 600 I paid 540 I'm not gonna pay 600 I'm not insane

540 euro I could have flown home and got a hand transplant for less money I could have flown home and got a hand transplant for less money.

I could have got new feet from an organ downer for less stress than having to pass out 540 quid. 500. Think of all the shit. She could have

she could have stayed in this hotel room for nearly three nights for that. So it's a bit of a messy one. It's your own fault. You should have saved yourself

€540, cut your fingers off, you would have been in a much better situation. I know. I know. Honestly, I,

well, I'm glad actually Joanne's no longer relatable so it suits me. Joanne spends €540 only on her nails. Can you imagine? I know. I'd be, I'd no choice. You saw my hands. Can you imagine? I know. I'd be.

I had no choice. You saw my hands. I had to get them done. I had to. They were a bit embarrassing. She just had like three long fingernails. Yeah. Some nails on, some nails off.

I had to get them done. I had to. Like we're filming. I had to get them done. I honestly though, I think I would have like taken a chisel to those other nails and just got them off like that. I physically couldn't. I couldn't be robbed like that. It's just, it's too too much for myself I'm kind of still in shock from the whole thing

and to think of all the bits he could have bought well we went out for um because it is peak season here so don't come in August because you're gonna get absolutely annihilated certainly don't get your nails done while you're here um don't do that that's no do do do do do business to all the amazing nail technicians and i beat that power to you just i wouldn't even mind that was a bit mad just show your nails there's not even a smiley face or nothing on that that's just a plain orange not even not even a french tip in my I'll pass away I will pass away and die if any of them

fall off over here oh if any of them fall off and flying back to Ibiza getting a full refund just got a video of Otto having the time

of his life at home I think that wasn't six hours ago okay last time last time I'm it up. That's definitely not the story. We went to this amazing restaurant for Svenny's birthday. And it's very expensive as well. Like really expensive to go. You have to spend, like there's a minimum spend per person, which is absolutely outrageous. So then when we got there we're like we're not like like we're not spenny

doesn't drink amber wasn't drinking and we were like right we're not going to order like loads and loads of bottles we're with our friends we ordered still we ordered two bottles of stuff and i mean when i say we were ignored they were like we were the scabbiest people in the restaurant and poor spenny we were like you know the way at the end of it, like of a meal, you're like, let's get a dessert and chuck a candle. I'm going to get a dessert and chuck a candle. So there was this huge celebration. We've got this VIP in. He's celebrating his birthday.

Woo. All this shit. And there's all these people with all these streamers around. I'm like, I was like, holy shit. This is amazing. It was not for spenny i can't actually remember your man's name but they had the whole restaurant chanting for this guy and they brought this pissy little piece of cheesecake over to spend during your man's your man's birthday celebration and just kind of popped spenny onto it and spenny thought

and spenny did think the other fellow, I was like sorry I'm not paying 10 grand for a birthday celebration. Another guy was brought in on a throne. I am not joking he was carted in on a throne while everybody sang happy birthday to him and Spenny got a little shitty bit of cheesecake. But now this restaurant

they had people going around giving, now I find this bizarre as well so even when I was absolutely pissed I started, I had to take a video so I could send it to Joanne. There's a family of four sitting on a seat behind us. And they're sitting there. And the kids must be like 16 as well, those little shites. They're all getting head massages. Sitting in the middle of a restaurant getting a head massage.

While all the, like, I couldn't. Can you imagine sitting there? I think that's a bit weird it's a bit weird isn't it the family that massage together are the family that I don't know

I even find when hairdressers try and massage your head I'm like it's a bit it's a bit sexy I don't I just came for half a head of highlights do you know what I mean

it's like getting a happy ending on your head it's unnecessary it's absolutely necessary they're like do you want a head massage I'm like no I don't you do want a head massage I'm like no I don't

you do want a head massage in the hairdressers a hundred percent I even never I have a few stenos in there but besides that work away I feel like a cat

you know when a cat their back goes like that because it's so nice I'm like yeah but do you not think it's kind of weird to be aroused by like some 16 year old girl

washing your hair I'm not aroused you are a little bit aroused do you want I could see it in your piggy sex eyes you I'm not aroused by this. You are a little bit aroused. I could see it in your piggy sack's eyes. You're a little aroused. Do you,

so here's the thing. Okay, any hairdressers out there, just be careful, even whilst doing Joanne's highlights. She'll be looking for you to drop the hand.

Here's Vogue's entire body's quivering in their dress. They're like wow but William just finished at the sink

everyone doesn't know no one knows where to look she just lights a cigarette and just reclines

there for a big time so are you gonna call me or gotta get your money's ready gotta get your money's ready is that how I'm checking the Instagram account of the bird who washed her hair do you

a question for you do you keep your eyes open or closed when you're getting your hair washed at the sink no I usually have my phone with me to be honest with you I'm scrolling because I sometimes I would like to close my eyes but I think then I look like I'm around I look like I'm kind of enjoying it in a sensual way so I always keep my eyes wide open I think yeah you look you look even more frightening then but I think it's safer to have the eyes open as soon as you close your eyes like because I've seen people with their eyes closed and I'm like that looks a bit weird exactly it's like you're and especially it depends on the age of whoever's washing my hair. You know what I mean?

You want it to be safe and consensual. You're like, if they're over the legal age, I might consider closing one eye. But if they're young, I'm like, I can't close my eyes.

It's disgusting. I'm going to have to tell Alan he's got to start learning how to do blow dries and stuff like that. This is the shit that turns you on. Hang on, Joanne.

I'll get out. I'll get out the parlux. I just think that there's, we've spoken about it before, like the massages. There's like a sensual massage. I like a violent massage. Yes, a violent massage.

There's a sensuality to some massages when they're too light that I just find a bit, it's not for me. I'm like, I don't want to be caressed by strangers. And I find that hairdressers, when they massage your head at the end,

it's a bit, I just don't you just say go harder I'm sitting there go harder go harder harder harder harder you're like deeper

deeper get in there deeper deeper they're like oh wow have you been there when I'm getting my hair done because it sounds great and you're

poor Harriet yeah sorry we're talking about oh yeah the family we're talking about the family getting massages yeah no no that's something that no I wouldn't be into that now at a restaurant no it's just it's just like you know I feel like it's like trying to like in there it was literally like how can I show off that I've got loads of money and it's but it's obviously the restaurant as well going how can we provide loads of services so people will pay loads of money to come here and they feel like they're being you know you've got to pay extra for the massage I'd rather be like in a deep dark room getting absolutely battered by somebody yeah that sounds bad I mean like massage yeah of course yeah what did you say

a bit no it was what I said about a massage before where the hand kind of slipped I do find that I don't like because I like a proper massage like when I've when I've um when I've been training I like it like a real like absolutely torturous massage then when I don't like it around the bum area because I feel like your knickers get moved around I just I don't like it around that area. That's my private parts for me only. Yeah, that's your boundary. We have, speaking of private parts, we had a lovely experience last night, Joanne and I, didn't we?

We did, Vogue. And I couldn't, like, you need to do this. Emma, I feel like we talk about doing a lot of stuff with our face. And we've been on quite the journey over here in Ibiza and we got an offer that we couldn't refuse. And yesterday we went for a Yoni steam. Stunning. You're welcome. Yeah. We went for a Yoni steam, right?

And I first heard about it with Kourtney Kardashian and I was like oh here she bloody goes again doing something I am telling you it was one of the nicest yeah it was things like so get a bowl get a bowl of hot water chuck some sage

well hold on should we not are we in a position to advise should we not be saying like I asked the yoni woman last night steam safely like

steam responsibly steam your yoni responsibly basically with this gorgeous woman um called ice tea who runs these kind of women's circles on ibita and this is part of one of the kind of services she offers where it's very it's very kind of pagan spiritual ritual women around in a circle a lot of sage you know, you write the name of someone you want to get rid of from your life

on a bay leaf and you burn the bay leaf. We had like seven bay leaves. Yeah, we ran out, our Sharpie went dry. We were like, we need a new pen.

I see, we've literally, there's not a bay leaf left in Ibiza. We fucking set fire to that place. And your man. Oh,

and that other guy and that girl and your man. That went to that place. And your man. Oh, and that other guy. And that girl. And your man. That went on for ages. And then it's all very like slow moving and then you get a talking stick

and you know all this kind of like really lovely stuff. And she kind of looks like a Viking. She's unreal, isn't she? She's an image of a Viking. She reminded me of that one.

You remember? I am the voice of the wind and the poor big thing. Niamh Cavan. No yeah. Niamh Cavan. No, not Niamh Cavan. She did the Eurovision for Ireland another time.

Niamh Quinn. I think her name was Niamh Quinn. Yeah. Just gorgeous, long, flowing hair past her breasts. She's all woman. She's all nature. Do you know what I mean?

I'd say she just comes out when the moon is full and then goes back into like some sort of hole in the ground and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, part of this is steaming your vagina right now me and vogue were kind of like there was a little bit of eye rolling we were like oh anyway we did it

it was absolutely stunning she was like she calls it your womb portal which Emma I can see in your I see those eyes but you know what me and vogue were like we love that because there's so many like vagina we don't like fanny we don't all these words they just sound real like dismissive or aggressive or functional and we're like what word sums up the magic that goes on down there and the creativity and the baby making and the vulva and the canal and all this shit and anyway we steamed our I hate the word vulva as well I have to say well see that's the thing though why do we hate around anyway so we steamed our um yeah she calls it yoni because do you know what she's remember she was like the vagina basically is latin for a man's

dick pocket or something yeah that's what it is a dick pocket i don't want to have a dick pocket something like that it was like a pocket for a man i was like fuck off so anyway women have been fighting for years for pockets now i want to give mine back so i don't want it i don't want it to be a man's pocket anyway so she came up with this word yoni which means like magic canal or something so anyway we steamed our yonis wide open our birth canals are wide open we said we canoe we could canoe down our birth canals now couldn't we like wide open steamed it steamed our vaginas it's not a line there's not a crease left in us I didn't think

I'd enjoy something as much as I enjoyed that it was it was hydrating it was moisturising like it was lovely

she said she said you're basically making your womb portal juicy and I was like do you know what it's like a bougie lube but like I

have to say it wasn't very feral though we were kind of like stretched out it was like you were giving say, it wasn't very feral though. We were kind of like stretched out. It was like you were giving birth, but it was over this bucket of steam with like all these flowers and bay leaves in it. And she was like, Iced Tea was playing this bear on

and like singing about our ancestry and women. And like it was, it was, I honestly think, had we been there for longer on our own, like I would have gotten I could as much as I am cynical of that stuff it's only because

I'm not around it that much I know what I'm like and I think if I was around that kind of culture that real like paganism you know kind of

Stonehenge stuff I think I'd fall hook, line and sinker and now I have to say like as much as I love the Yoni steam it's all a bit slow for me there's like

it took a long time when I'm at home you'll see me I'll just be dumping the leaves in the fig tree and everything will go in and I'll be like on that steam like and as we were saying yesterday if there's a bit of pasta boiling I'm gonna pop the leg up we're just gonna like we're just gonna any opportunity I see a bit of steam I'm on it oh because like if I can pre-bought if I can if I can buy the the the leaves pre-packed what was it you said if you can buy pre-packed if you can buy the pre-packed herbs that you can just dump them all in but there's a kind of ritual to the herbs i see i can't i don't have the time for that not joanne we don't have the time for that at home see i think i could i think i could fall for the

ritual her funny is never going to get one more steam i guarantee it joanne i will go on about this until she goes home no it's the ritual of it all it was like you could kind of you could see I like the kind of I like the idea of a woman's circle which is something we're also doing while we're over here

I don't know it felt very connected very kind of I liked the kind of heightened sense of femininity of it do you get me? I felt connected to the moon

is what I'm saying listen I'm sorry I loved it but like I can't like it's like meditation I cannot do meditation I sit there and I try, is what I'm saying. Listen, I'm sorry. I loved it, but like, I can't, like, it's like meditation. I cannot do meditation. I sit there and I try and meditate and I'm like, oh, Jesus, no, I forgot to do that. Yeah, I know.

Oh, I forgot to do that. Oh, I must get that. I can't. The skill of meditation is to be able to clear the mind. I can't do it either. But I don't think I've tried hard enough. I could probably try a bit harder. Well, it depends what you would think meditating is.

Like, meditating for me is like when I go to the gym and I've got three kids running around, but I'm still in the zone in the gym downstairs with John on the phone that's like that's my kind of moment to just that's my relaxing or if I go for a walk I want to be active while I'm doing my meditating yeah I think that's called exercising I don't know if that's called meditating but no that's meditating actually it's meditating okay okay you do have to be careful don't get too close to that bowl don't get too it's boiling hot water

you've got to be careful but it was actually lovely I have to say I did thoroughly enjoy it and I heard she did tell me you can actually look up recipes online

for different kind of like leaves and stuff to throw in so like go try it at home let us know how you get on Yoni steam away

I do namaste there is namaste means hello in nepal did you know that they just say namaste when your woman was like squat over the bell i was like jesus here about goes now finally a part of the ritual she can connect to. She's like boom.

The weight's in hands. Squat. She's got the bands on her legs. She's like and pulse. And pulse. Working the glutes.

Working the glutes. I do think there's I would like to spend more time they call it grounding as in like connecting to the earth and stuff

because I do think we're kind of away with the fairies I do the fact that me and you were running around that villa trying to find wi-fi for three days do you know what I mean and then iced tea comes in and suddenly everything's slowed down and we're like rubbing like leaves into ourselves and I just I thought I think I kind of I think I could get into it I feel like we've coped with the lack of wi-fi quite well you've only been in that villa two days right you you don't know how hard it's been yeah i know it's been a night it's been a nightmare for me it's been an absolute just sorry says your one we're running around joanne joanne's room is downstairs she spends most of her time upstairs in the balcony because it's the only place she

can get wi-fi like where's joanne she's up in the balcony again Wi-Fi Williams we've caught her speaking speaking about canoes coming down your wind portal yeah I saw something online so have you ever you've obviously

know the story of Pinocchio yeah yes these two Joanne this could have been us I don't know we could be out kayaking doing our meditating

you never know there was two women kayaking and a whale ate them a whale a whale had the women and the kayak in its mouth and because they're such gentle nice not the orcas gentle nice creatures like a humpback is he just spat them back out imagine being in a whale's mouth vogue was like i've got a story for the pod this whale ate these kayakers and i was like

wow vogue we're trying to keep things light and he's like no no no it's cool he spat them back out i was like oh grand yeah stick that on the list but besides the initial shock they're completely fine but how nice is that humpback whale i don't i this story are you sure you didn't get this story from waterford whispers or something this is no like I'm telling you it was in look Emma's looking it up confirm it it was they were in the whale's mouth spat them back out and they were fine how would you feel insulted enlightened wow hold on I have to look it up now too whale spit isn't it true look at you man no not man two women us Jemaine that could have been us

I tell you what I wouldn't be kayaking after that and spits them unharmed yeah hold on a second here and there's a video of them

yeah ah you'd be raging if you got eaten by a whale and there was no video I wouldn't be able for that no you're like didn't happen

they're like covered in whale guts You're like, didn't happen. They're like covered in whale guts. We're like, oh yeah? Where's the Insta story? But it's like that girl, that girl I told you about that got eaten by a squid and no one believes me just because it wasn't caught on camera.

Yeah. Where is she now? Gone. In the squid's mouth. That's so, that's, yeah, that's mental. That's, if only they were in there for longer they could get like a kind of a e2 hollywood story out of it but they're only there for a second well i mean pinocchio set up shop in there like he had a fire and everything

going on in the whale's mouth that's the kind of story we need for the live we need a big finale like that we need to get you swallowed by an animal so we have the footage there's a few alpacas on the on the hill and hoth i reckon what few alpacas on the on the hill in Houth I reckon what are alpacas into let's cover you in sauce throw you up there see what happens

and I'll be there with the camera like a stage mom you're doing great honey this huge big video recording lashed a load of barbecue sauce on Vogue

waiting for her to she gets eaten like we need a finale Vogue suck it up. Come here. T, where's mommy? The alpaca's got her. She's going to be,

we're just waiting for her to get spat back out. An alpaca ate her about a year ago. We're just waiting for her to spit her back out. I do get frightened about being eaten by animals because like,

I wouldn't want to be eaten. There's a, I wouldn't mind so much being swallowed by a humpback whale, even if it just swallowed me. But I wouldn't want to be eaten by a crocodile or a hippo. They're too aggressive in their manner. I want to go in a nice way and I feel like a humpback would deliver that. It's kind of a soft swallow, like a fig roll. It goes down softly like a little biscuit.

You could spend a few years in its stomach it doesn't mean you're going to go straight away set up shop there yeah how would you how would you

how would you get your Wayfair collab to set up to kind of set your room up in the well they deliver absolutely everywhere you forgot the onions

so we have been nominated as we said last week for the Irish Podcast Awards and we would love an old vote now we know it's not the easiest thing to do

but we'd be very appreciative if you did it you have to go to the irishpodcastawards.ie forward slash vote type in the name of the podcast and then confirm your vote

on the email they'll send you I know that's a lot of work it is a lot it's a lot of work but I feel like you guys will do it for us and hopefully nobody

does it for anyone else and we hope you guys will do it for us we would be very appreciative we'd be very appreciative we've even got Joanne begging this is great can you put that song

after begging begging you i feel like we need to do it for joe joe needs this joe is very committed to these awards yeah now the biggest news and i know this is really big news because spence spent you know he was a day late with this but he did mention it to me kim and pete have broken up i know and i was only reading honestly two days before I read the breakup announcement

that Kim was using a surrogate to have a baby with Pete and then all of a sudden boom they're gone so what I heard what I heard was that he

proposed you know the way he has like some sort of proposal Tourette's where he just can't stop doing it like my marriage Tourette's you're like your marriage

Tourette's folk she's like I can't stop doing it. Like my marriage Tourette's. You're like your marriage Tourette's, Vogue. She's like, I can't stop walking up the aisle. There's another white dress I needed. Apparently he's got a similar problem with an engagement and I heard that's what he did. But he has her... You can't engage someone

who's not fully divorced yet. Come on. Oh wait, actually, hang on. It's Hollywood. They can do anything they want. Like they're fucking... They're all out of the shop over there. That he proposed and she was like, come come here cop on but I mean who told you that come on you can't you did you just pull

that out of your arse I think I read it I read it somewhere you know yourself like I read it on like whatever doesn't matter if it's true or fake anyway we'll go with it yeah but that's what I heard happened but he has her tattooed like something like my my missus is a lawyer now obviously not my missus but like whatever they say in America what do they say in America Emma? Me bored

Me birds My girl's a lawyer Yeah He's got scribbles all over himself though that doesn't mean anything No it doesn't mean anything I'd say if I had a

do you know what I mean if we scored him for a second he'd have our faces tattooed and his you know 100% I'd probably go there as well there's something

there's something about him and we have that same disorder of under the eyes Pete and I we could share concealers yeah he has we both look like we've been yeah

I know I think you know that's back in fashion they're actually like drawing them on models in shoots I can't yeah I know

well I can't tell you the amount of times I've been in getting a facial and they're like, if you get this thing now under your eyes, we can get rid of those circles. And I'm like, you know, I don't mind them. I feel like I wouldn't look like myself. I think they're kind of cool. I like them. Heroine chic. I think exactly.

They're kind of heroine chic without having to look emaciated like you did in the 90s. And I think they add character to a face. Yeah, I like them. They kind of add a bit of like they're kind of a moodiness and that's like you're sure look at Pete Davidson

he's cleaning up over there he's absolutely clean do you know what I actually can't wait who's next we knew we knew they weren't going to go the distance

we just knew they weren't going to go the distance but they were a fantastic he was a fantastic rebound for her yeah but I wonder who he's going to go for next

that's just reminded me because like like you know when you break up with somebody you don he's going to go for next. I know that's just reminded me because like, like, you know, when you break up with somebody, you don't want them to go out with a big ride. I saw Jason Mimosa, you know,

that absolutely stunning. Yeah. He's, yeah. He's like him throwing you around the place. Yeah. And the girl he's gone out with now. Oh my God.

I'd hate to be his wife. She's like outrageously gorgeous. She's honestly, she's too pretty. Let's face it, we want the next one to be slightly in bits. Slightly in bits. I want her to be absolutely bad-ass looking. I know, it's terrible, isn't it? No, it's not terrible.

It's just completely normal. I can't be better looking than you. One of my friends, her husband laughed her for an older woman, right? And this is how... That's very kind of him, actually. Very kind. for an older woman right and this is how it's very kind of him actually very kind this is how this is how like mad women are like how brainwashed we are it made it easier for her that she was way older because she was like oh because women are so women are like you know

this whole kind of lose value as you age thing but if if he'd left her for a younger woman she would have found it more difficult whereas an older woman she kind of felt like she had youth on her side like that was something she had over this woman i'd much prefer that i wouldn't want like but it's so obvious when it's like oh they're neither going out with a 19 year old yeah they will go younger there's nothing gone wrong with going out with people that are different ages to you but if you're going out with somebody who's like let's say i was going out with a 20 year old now there is no way we'd be having like any decent conversations like there's just no way they just don't have they haven't been around long enough like you were only born

20 years ago but I think some people prioritize looks yeah they actually don't care if they're having decent conversations they just want to wear their partner like a badge of honor like look i can ride someone younger look what i'm riding i think that's what they're doing it's like a hand puppet they have they're just like showing off like a like you know like a kid with an orange in school they're like just showing everyone going look what i can do look yeah look what i've got whereas i think and not to make it a gender issue but to make a gender issue i think women are more obviously like personality driven and men are more like I wouldn't I wouldn't say that a hundred percent because I think that like I suppose if you were if you oh no I know I just wouldn't be into somebody younger I just

wouldn't but look at the amount of times like when you see a really hot woman like say a woman who's a 10 out of 10 or a 9 out of 10 or an 8 out of 10 who's with a man who is numerically maybe like a 4 or 5 out of 10, right? That's pretty common practice. Swap it around.

It's so rare that you see like a really hot guy with the woman who's less attracted than him. It's just so rare. And when you do, and when you do see it, and I'm not trying to be mean,

you're a bit like, whoa. Exactly, because it's unusual. It's very unusual. Yeah. There you go. Point.

I think I've made my point. This week, I'm going to go on to her relationships, but it was very sad. Olivia Newton, John died. I know. Do you know what? I've never seen so many tributes to someone. I swear to God. I think it was the most.

She must have been like super sound yeah everybody was like like there was people crying on tv and stuff when they found out and it was really sad because she was quite young and I think she's battled breast cancer before but she had a mad dating life she's very hard life yeah one of her husbands went missing off the side of a boat and and supposedly he was spotted somewhere but she never ever found him like how would you deal with that just never knowing if actually he just like was bullshitting and like I don't know maybe trying to get life insurance or something like that where he just like

didn't she have another husband so she had another husband but like he the first husband that she had a child with he went off with the babysitter but if you saw the babysitter like there's no fucking way. Like she was honestly like a 15. She was out.

She looked like, like the hottest looking Swedish girl you've ever seen. But like they were really good friends as well. But still like, come on, you've got to draw the line somewhere. He ran off with his babysitter. Ran off with the babysitter. I know, I know.

The key there is don't have kids. Yeah, absolutely. Or if you're going to have a kid, make sure it's getting, give it to, give it to like a dog to mind.

Do you know what I mean? Like not a dog physically. I'm not calling women dogs. I mean, give it to an animal. Winston is fantastic. If we ever, like if we're ever stuck

last minute, Winston's, he's just, he's really sound like that. He'll always just watch them for us. Like the kids are being minded by a goat tonight. So,

just to protect our marriage, I just don't want to put any temptation in your way. I was actually thrilled when that bat flew into my house in Ireland. I was like, great.

I can go out tonight now. He's going to mind the kids. He's going to mind the kids. They don't sleep. It's perfect. He'll be to mind the kids. He's going to mind the kids. They don't sleep. It's perfect. He'll be up all night anyway. So I watched the Shania Twain documentary. Did you watch this, Imo?

So good. I knew you'd have watched that, Imo. Sorry, by the way, Imo's doing our pod today because Joe actually has just, I don't know. Will we slag Joe? Or just say that actually we were meant to do it yesterday and he wasn't able to make today work. So we got Imo.

Imo is doing her part. So what did you think of the Shania Twain documentary? I liked it. It was good. What's it on Netflix? I'm downloading it. Hang on right now while I have a bit of Wi-Fi because this will be gone soon. Imo, I love your, that was

really, that was just an amazing review there. Joanne, in fairness, it's like it's five past eight in the morning for Emma. Not Just a Girl. Ah, now the name would put me off. That was the name of her first album or second album. Shania Twain, Not Just a Girl.

Yeah. That's what it's called. Yeah. I'm downloading it for the plane. It's really good but em she had a mad divorce as well her husband who she met he was this music producer

who she made he was like this rock producer she made all her hits they wrote them together and em her best friend she said to her best friend I think my husband's

having an affair and her best friend was like yeah and her best friend was like no you're being crazy Mud wasn't his name Mud

was that his name Muck Muck Mud he is a mucky bastard something like that but em and then

then her husband was like look I'm leaving you and then for the bestie yeah did they stay together I don't know if they're still together they did stay

but anyway but so her best friend was also married. And now Shania Twain is married to him. What? So they basically swapped partners. So her and her friend's ex-husband kind of came together

and bonded over the grief of their partners leaving them for each other. Why did I think she was married to Garth Brooks? Probably because they're just both country people. Yeah. So she's not married to Garth Brooks probably because they're just both country people yeah so she's not married to Garth Brooks yeah I think that's just the

country thing well thanks for letting us in on that I've now got that downloaded for the plane absolutely fantastic a wild story

and she looks unreal doesn't she and like I mean I know that they're heavily curated like they're heavily curated. Like, they're kind of autobiographical.

Like, it's like watching the Janet Jackson or the J-Lo documentary. Like, they're obviously heavily involved in how those stories are told. But they're so impressive. They're so good. Anyway, it was very enjoyable. Highly recommend. Thank you, Joanne.

I will be watching that. Thank you very much for your what would you give that out of 10 I would give it I would give it I would give it a good 7 jeez that's a bit crap

well it's not really it's like I wouldn't be a fan I'm not a Shania Twain fan but yet I was still really engaged in the documentary I think it's a really good sign I didn't think

the JLo one was that gripping to be honest with you I wasn't like I didn't die over that I didn't actually finish it in the end I justpping to be honest with you I wasn't like I didn't die over that I didn't actually finish it in the end I just love an insight

into people's lives and these people who like these kind of famous celebrities it's kind of nice just seeing them as humans sitting there talking shit

I just don't feel like you're getting a proper proper insight What are we talking about? I don't know. Emma just cocked her out. Are we going to bring up Wagatha Christie?

Like we were so involved in that and it's all finished. Yeah, bring it up there. It's not very um shocking but she's she's guilty rebecca vardy is guilty and what i find most fascinating about rebecca vardy being guilty not the fact that she didn't just put her hands up at the start and didn't waste three million pounds on a courthouse she's actually now gone on like super mode to go around all these stations with her sob story wearing

barely any makeup it's like you gotta please please cut the bullshit I find it really annoying now like it was absolutely brilliant because I loved all the content I loved it being played out in public but now I'm like I'm so I'm so scarlet for you like there's loads of things that have come out now that like that are that are allowed to make because the trial's over but like Rebecca Vardy even when the whole thing had come out she was supposedly she text Colleen Rooney and was like um I'm so sorry I can't believe somebody's throwing you under the bus that kind of whole vibe like someone that's absolutely disgraceful and all this shit has come out now and she's still going on about I think I actually think it's so embarrassing and

all of her whatsapp pictures were missing and stuff and she's like, oh, well, if I had the WhatsApp pictures, then that would have made me not guilty. It's like, come on. She's so embarrassing. It's the two-facedness of it. It's like, you've lost. Let it go. Go to Bali.

Do a course. Come back wearing Kabbalah beads. Like, go through a process now. Start the journey of healing and remorse. Do you know what I mean? You can't just keep trying to power through with these lies.

She can't stop, you know, like if you get so deep into a lie and you're just like, I've got to just run with it. She just can't let the lie go. Maybe she believes

around lies now. There is, I think that might be the case. Do you hear that Jamie Vardy was playing football and the whole crowd were chanting your missus is a grass?

Yeah. They weren't wrong. Your missus is a grass. I don't usually agree with chanting of that sort, but like that was kind of true. Scarlet. For him as well. I think they're talking about moving to America now.

I think, I don't think that's far enough. I think they should go to somewhere like, I don't know, Ecuador or something. She's really fucked us. That's just where, do you know what? That's a real good example of where pride just gets in the way it's like just this is you just have to let this one go let it go except that you're in the wrong

like all people like there's that's going on all over the world people bitching and gossiping and all that stuff there's just it's on a huge platform because they're in the public eye and they got rinsed over but story. But you know that like, it wasn't even Colleen Rooney who was bringing it to court. It was Rebecca Vardy bringing it to court. She tried to,

Colleen tried to stop her. She was like, listen, let's just park this. We'll pay, I'll pay you money for libel. And she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm taking it all the way. Oh my God. It literally couldn't have worked out worse for her. It's like the, the sheer embarrassment of it. I wouldn't be able. Now, I don't think everyone should be abusing her or anything online.

You just have to kind of let her go. And like that's now, she can't be coming back doing I'm a Celebrity and stuff like that. Like she's, that's it. She's had her run. No, I, you know what? I actually disagree. I think she, I think if she goes off, I think actually Celebrity is perfect for her. I think she already did it though.

In a couple of years. Did she do it? Did she do it? She can do Dancing on Ice maybe. No, because we need to get to know her again and we need to hear her talk about the experience. Well, she's doing a documentary. The only way she's going to do that is in,

oh, is she? She's doing a documentary about it. I'll be glued to that. But the only thing about the documentary is it's all going to just, there's the bang of bullshit that's going to be awful because you're not going to believe her. But I also heard that, look at us like we even know them. I'm going to just there's the bang of bullshit that's going to be awful because you're not going to believe her but I also heard

that look at us like we even know them I'm going to mail Colleen and be like are you actually doing a documentary yourself Rebecca Vardy I think she's doing one too but I think hers is a three parter I think the reason people are so drawn to that story and women in particular

is because we've all had a bitch about someone in a WhatsApp group and it's the humiliation the idea that they could be publicly like put up on a screen in a court like your most intimate thought you know what i mean yeah i would actually car crash stuff because you're you're basically looking at it going i'm so glad that's not me oh my god your whatsapps live forever this is. This is the lesson for us all. Turn on disappearing messages. Your WhatsApps live forever. They're like a capsule.

They're a time capsule of all your horrible thoughts. Oh my God, stop. And what happens if you delete messages? I need to actually delete a few groups. You can only delete. I think the real WhatsApp is you can only delete. Delete for me. Yeah, I cannot delete for everyone.

I can only delete that message for me from the 16th but then can the other person that you've messaged it just sounds like I've been up to something now I'm going to see if I can delete the other person's message

delete delete for me so I would you would have to be in cahoots with the other person in your WhatsApp group to go we both have to go through

and delete every single message you're giving me the fear they never go away they live in your phone forever and ever and ever or forever eternity to be honest with you like besides the odd bit of bitching like i don't really care if i get caught for a little bit of bitching but like i sent well i yeah okay whatever i'm in it now I know what you get up to so you're fucked I sent a racy photo to Vogue

she wanted to show the effects of the steam I was I was like look Vogue no lines look my undercarriage I've starched my vagina I'm absolutely thrilled look at the collars They're perfect

So Photos right Sent a photo to I say whatever It doesn't matter To whoever Like obviously you know who And I was like

Actually maybe we should delete them Because just today our phone Got hacked or whatever You can't delete them Those photos are there now Now we obviously can both delete So we're in cahoots On the cloud

They go onto the cloud But if he didn't want to delete those photos there's nothing I can do about those photos those photos have been sent they are they are in the WhatsApp capsule and girls the lesson here is

the lesson here is number no sexy pictures number your nudes remember that girl taught us that number your nudes number your nudes

number your nudes keep your heads out of them number your nudes and then if one gets leaked heads out of the nudes you're like oh that was number you keep an excel doc of all the nudes you've sent you go number 6012 oh that was dennis mcmahon from enniscarry that's who i sent that to and then that's how it works but actually no really guards because it's against the law now and you

send that against a white wall if you have to do it against a white wall head out numbered you're safe yeah photoshop one of our heads in we love to get around yeah yeah well I feel like people have seen my nudes I got a

I got popped over here in Ibiza right and I stupidly read the comments why do you do that I just love it John I love it okay I love it

you're like a masochist and I tell you what the amount of people talking about my camel toe and I wouldn't okay I love it you're like a masochist and I tell you what the amount of people talking about my camel toe and I wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind but I don't have a bad one what were they saying

that my camel that I have a huge camel toe listen my knickers were riding up a little bit look look up look up

there look that's not bad no that's not bad look look him up it's a camel finger at best I would say it's a it's a it's

barely a camel it's a barely barely a camel i would say i would say it's a poodle's hoof a poodle's hoof if anything yeah but if anything absolutely so i feel like i've sent news to a lot of people considering there was it was it was quite graphic and it was a quite a nudie color bikini they're bad anyway do they just like hide behind rocks what's the crack I didn't see them at all I know it's so annoying anyway enough enough of my camel toe that's been that's been lovely you need to do is you need to set up those pop shots like the other women do so that you look great and not that you don't yeah someone told me someone told me I say um now I I know obviously people set up pop shots uh but someone told me

i say that somebody gets their hair and makeup done over here to go to the beach to get pop shots like in loads of different outfits but like actually louisa i know you're on the line just tell us would they make money from that so you could probably get three four hundred minimum get your bits out we're going out to the beach, right? 400 euro. That'll pay for our trip. That'll pay for your nails. Two setups, your nails are paid for. Is that what she said?

400 quid. 400 quid, Sterling. After tax, you'd have to do a couple for those nails. And you get the exposure and they put, yeah, it's not a bad deal.

I mean, I'd rather swallow silage, but sure. That's it from us for this week. Sorry it's a little bit late. We're going to beat them we haven't slept, but not for any of the right reasons. It's because Vogue has 28 children

living in her dishwasher who scream all night. Like you'd hear them anyway, right? You've had the sleep of your life. Right, he's going in your room tonight. That's the end of that. Oh, I want to put a code in. Now, I'm putting a code in because I did see Joanne.

I actually witnessed it firsthand. So, Ciarán as well, if you're listening, send Joanne some tan mitts for God's sake. She was putting on a tan with a towel again. A towel. And then she put the singular towel on for a two-hour wash. I nearly passed away. Anyway, I've got a code for you. Ghosted 20. I think we need to air our domestic issues

on the podcast, folk. This isn't you and Spencer's podcast, okay? Let's keep our private lives private, please. I would like to say the tan came out of the towel, so there you go. Ghosted 20 for 20% off barebyfolk.com. Also, can I just say I arrived in Ibiza

grossly unprepared obviously nails hanging off, no tan. And I was like, tan? Obviously I'm going to stay vogue. The queen of tan. I don't need tan. Arrived, she hasn't a mitt or a tube in the house.

I had to take my friend Megan's shimmer. How are you, how have you got no tan? You own a tan brand. So I was like so now I look completely translucent it's all my own fault Vogue looks Latino

doesn't even sunbathe I was like how can you so brown Vogue she's like I don't know the sun just catches me just catches me

it just finds me and catches me I could be sprawled out covered in chip oil for a year and wouldn't go the colour she goes and she's like

hiding from the sun like under sombreros and umbrellas and comes out looking like that I absolutely despise like Sveinni was like

you've a good colour I was like don't say that what the hell did I do to you don't say that to me and as well I would like to say right

I did have two exercise mats two things of tan two bareback hotels and two myths on the way over but they just haven't arrived yet

so I was organised right I wanted a little layer of ultra dark myself absolutely right you can actually see my heart beating through my chest I'm so white

you can actually I can see her veins it's gross