My Therapist Ghosted Me - Forty Is The New Twenty & Thirty-Six Minus Thirty Is... Six

Episode Date: April 15, 2022

With Joanne robed in a hotel room and Vogue firmly back on the Dib Dabs, it's time to get down to business. What's on the menu? Britney is pregnant, Brooklyn got married, J.Lo is engaged (again) and Spencer needs to work out who said what. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and her, Joanne McNally. I wonder, can they tell? I wonder, can they tell? Spenny can't tell the difference between myself and Amber. Last night he goes, who said that? I was like, I said that. You're like, we're riding. What do you mean?

He's like Amber is that you darling no it's your wife I said bend over it's Beau we're in bed I keep getting sent

right these things don't tell you'll have to ease Joanne into this about Pret opening and I'm like she won't do that because she's not getting paid by them she don't tell you'll have to ease Joanne into this about Pret opening and I'm like she won't do that

because she's not getting paid by them she doesn't want to know about them no do you know what right I'm being and this is

no joke I'm being gaslit by Pret like the fact that they aren't even acknowledging my contribution to them opening

in Ireland they're pricks and they're not going to get another mention out of me Joanne I would like to say

Don't think I haven't Raised the sales of Chipotle wraps for you You pricks I haven't even been invited Not only am I not Cutting the ribbon I haven't even

Been invited to the lunch She doesn't She's not going to go But we've explained We like to be invited To things Only to say no We want to know

That we're wanted I tell I am From now on I'm just I'm bad mouthed I'm going to say no we want to know that we're wanted I tell I am from now on I'm just I'm bad mouthed I'm going to say I'm telling people I find maggots

in their raps and all fuck them okay and you know I'm going to say I'm going to say that the porridge is shit it's the most delicious one ever

what's the crack is it here have you had it yet listen I am like I try my best not to complain right but my name might as well be, hiya, I feel sick. Yeah.

I got four hours sleep last night because three of those hours were spent awake, feeling like I was going to vomit. And I didn't realize it was three hours long. I should have just got up, but I was like, no, I'm really going to try and go back to sleep. Propped myself up on pillows. Nothing worked. Vom Williams. We've renamed you

Von Williams you poor thing pukey Williams I wonder is it because the child is probably just trying to push his way out I feel like he's right down there now yeah but there's no room

there's no room for food like you're that's the thing you get less hungry that's why I eat like nibbles back on the dip dabs by the way so I went off them for a while.

Yeah. Anyway, here we are. I'm not complaining. That shot is going to come out like looking like that lollipop with like just a big red head. No. So supposedly the baby

takes everything he needs and then you just get left with the shit. That's why like your hair goes to shit. That's why some people's teeth go soft. What?

Yeah. Yeah. My mom's teeth got's teeth go soft. What? Yeah, yeah. My mom's teeth got really bad in pregnancy. Mine are fine. Look at the size of yours. You clearly took all the nutrition from hers. I know. I was with George the dentist the other day and he said that my teeth have not been affected by what's going on.

But remember he said that thing about my teeth and he was like, oh, well change their terrible shape, those last veneers you had and they were actually just my teeth. Oh, yeah. I love your teeth. I think they're really cool. I love them.

They're a real statement tooth. You've a real statement mouth, as you know. I used to be a gap tooth, though. Like I had a full, like, Theodore asks my mom, why is her tooth missing? Because she's got a gap in her teeth I had like a full tooth in between that you could have like spit water out of it and everything I know yeah I kind of wish I kept it you mean a gap not it you didn't have an extra tooth there no I had a gap a gap yeah you said tooth and I was like oh and also George the

dentist told me that I had a very very large wisdom teeth I didn't hear you there I can't can I be honest I can't hear you properly you know you have a co-host on the podcast though I can't hear you I told you about my family's hearing issues and neither of you did anything does she know that this is does she think this is just her journal do you know I can't wait to be back in studio with you because sometimes when I listen back to the pod I'm like I burst out laughing at a joke you told me and I didn't hear it on the pod what? what do you mean? like all

when I listen back I hear the joke but when we're doing it I can't hear it I know sometimes this is just Vogue vlogging in the morning she doesn't even know

me and Jo are here honestly when I listen back the amount of times I say to Joanne you're so funny Joanne because I didn't hear it on the podcast oh my god

Theodore threw this ball at Amber this morning he's such a bully to Amber I don't know why she has that kind of face she does it's like what we're always talking about around the boss ball at Amber this morning. He's such a bully to Amber. I don't know why. She has that kind of face. She does. It's like what we're always talking about

around the pod as well. We're really level bullier at all times. Speaking of Amber, she went, she went out at the weekend, right? And she's trying to be

all the big dog. Woo-hoo! She was in one of those clubs with my cousin Killian who's like, who's like 30 or so. I think he just turned 30

so she's like woo woo and she said she was at someone's birthday that she didn't know so she felt really awkward and she went to the bar in this really expensive place

you know where they bring the vodka with the sparklers coming out of them and she ordered 12 shots of Jaeger first of all and like

they brought it back down to her with these sparklers on it and she was like woo hoo 220 quid yeah what was she thinking like come on if there's a sparkler in it that shit doesn't come free but she kind of went and collected them herself she didn't even get the full service like it's like and then she went and she said you can can take 10% for yourself as well. Not knowing they had put 25 quid service charge on it. So 12 Jaegers.

And no one wants a shot of Jaeger. Like no one wants one. No one wants a shot. So how much is that per Jaeger then? Jo's doing the maths there. 18 pounds each. For a shot of Jaeger. You'd get a bottle of Jaeger for that.

And like, I'm not being bad, but Amber does not have 11 friends in London. So who was she buying them for like she doesn't no I don't either like that's grand but like no shade she doesn't Joanne you're I would just rather give a

stranger 18 quid and be like can we be mates the thing about it is Joanne Amber's come over here like a bat out of hell she's got more friends than both of us she's

telling me about what she's doing this weekend and I'm like Jesus like I'd struggle to find a mate to do it like where are you you're over here like a bat out of hell she's got more friends than both of us she's telling me about what she's doing this weekend and I'm like Jesus like I'd struggle to find a mate to do it like where are you

you're my friend I know since you've gone I haven't got anyone to hang out with I know I know I remember you cancelled

a plan on me was it you no you cancelled a plan on me on Sunday and I was like what happens now what do we do

uh oh just me sitting alone in the attic in London in the fucking in the you don't go to the doctor honestly

I'm gonna go to the doctor I need there's a long list of stuff I need and I've bad news about the doctor because I got a few mails about that when we were

bitching about the 50 euro it's gone up to 65 you can't put a price on your health she says refusing to pay 65 quid to go to the doctor even though she's got tuberculosis

you've held it do you know there's scarlet fever supposedly going around maybe it's that scarlet fever yeah that sounds like something you'd catch

that sounds but that's a that's a great name for a sitcom for just or that's a great do you know that's a great name

for a reality show by doing loads of embarrassing shit isn't it yeah Scarlet Fever we need to pitch that pitch it Joe write it down

write it down Joanne McNally tell me about your week I feel like it's been a good week this week I'm in you'll see you'll notice that I'm robed

in a bridal suite that's where you live now you only do bridal suites because no one's here to de-robe me so I just I just remain robed at all times

I'm always too lazy to put those robes on last night like I was like drinking alone at the bar like it's so I'm literally I'm literally

a man in advertising in his late 50s I'm drinking alone at the bar drinking margaritas got chatted to these two other men who are the same they work for Amazon and stuff we're just like chewing the fat about like corporate you know corporate life and they work for Amazon yeah

I had no mate so I was like I'll just chat away to them um do you know that my brother one time one time he was down in Spain seeing my mom right and it was over Christmas it was really quiet and like as you did he found two guys at the bar started chatting so they wanted to be chatting to you

and he saw these two guys having a chat at the bar and he went up after his first drink and he was like oh can I join you as I'm here on my own and they said

no imagine can I join you no sorry dude how do you say no like I'd want to say no you can't ask to join

like there has to be you have to be let in there has to be an in lane you can't just open what was your in last night you can't just do a cold open like can I join

no you can't join we don't know you weirdo I'd be like we're talking this is like really secretive stuff like we're talking you know this is kind of I'd be like we're talking this is like really secretive stuff like we're you know

this is kind of I'd be like we work in banking and we're talking about someone's personal detail I think they just didn't give a shite

they were like no no I couldn't say a hard no I'd have to give I'd have to give an excuse depends on the situation I could say a hard no

like if they looked odd I'd be like do you know what mate no it's just not gonna work you be like do you know what mate no it's just not gonna work you just go do you know what I'm actually

you're welcome to join us but we're about leaving and just proceed to sit there for the rest of the night no we are we're leaving after this we're leaving any minute now any minute now

but like I actually I could talk I could talk to anything and anyone I really could yeah me too I love talking to people.

I love talking shit, yeah. And I feel like I fit in in that world. I fit in in that like late night bar, you know, bar man with the tea towel

over his shoulder and telling him my life problems. I'm also that really annoying because I used to work in Fitzpatrick's Castle. I think I told you this, did I? You used to work in where? Fitzpatrick's.

The hotel I'm in, I used to work here. I used to work here. Irick's Castle I think I told you this did I? You used to work in where? Fitzpatrick's the hotel I'm in I used to work here I used to work here I was in housekeeping oh yeah so I'm that really annoying person who stays in the hotel and tells all the staff

that she used to work here they're like we know Joanne you tell us every time you have to though I'm in the lobby drinking wine telling anyone who listens

that I used to work here and they give me staff rates when I stay here and I'm like well yeah I deserve them I used to work here like that's you know that's what I that I used to work here and they give me staff rights when I stay here and I'm like well yeah I deserve them I used to work here like that's you know that's what I deserve

I used to work here so I was in housekeeping but I used to only clean the public areas but I wasn't even allowed to clean the rooms I had to work my way up to that I wouldn't trust you

changing bed sheets not to fucking hope and so I used to clean I used to clean the fireplace in the lobby with a toothbrush and all which I think when I look back now

I'm like were they taking the piss out of me I think they were just trying to busy you it was one of those that feels like kind of go out and get like a

bucket full of steam do you know what I mean like go out and get a glass hammer that's what that feels like when I look back now but I was only 16 at the time and I'd go up

there's a big cabinet with all the housekeeping stuff in it and they used to put they don't anymore now but they used to put a mint on the bed at night you know when you do the turntown oh yeah yeah so I would just go up I used to wear this the housekeeping stuff in it. And they used to put, they don't anymore now, but they used to put a mint on the bed at night, you know,

when we do the turntown. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I would just go up, I used to wear this, the housekeeping uniform at the time is this huge, big, oversized, blue-striped tunic. Oh.

And I'd go up and just fill the pockets with the mints and just sit in the toilet and just eat them. Sit in the toilet and just eat the mints. Do you remember?

And this was before I was bulimic, so you can imagine I was rolled out of the place a humbug is very calorific for anyone listening who enjoys a humbug don't waste your time really

really like 30 calories a humbug no thanks I'll have an eclair I do that sometimes when I get in the plane though like

when I get in an Aer Lingus I'm like my mum used to be cabin crew. Like, why do they care? They don't care! Every time! I know. I can't wait to hear that joke

you told a few minutes ago, Joanne, because both you and Jo seem to find it very funny. It was basically about you not listening to anyone I went to that drag fondue yes hit me so my friends organized this thing miss drag fondue 22 and we all had to go dress this drag and bring a piece of cheese for the fondue. And someone was crowned Miss Drag Fondue. It was Nikki Connolly. She was the queen of all of us.

And she got crowned Miss Drag Fondue. Fab. You looked amazing. Adam was telling me a story about his dog, which I thought you would find fascinating. Adam is a friend of ours. We kind of talk about people without giving them any context. Adam is would find fascinating Adam is a friend of ours we kind of talk about people without giving them any context Adam is our friend

Adam is our friend and Adam was telling me a story about his dog Lola right so he's obsessed with Lola I had Lola stay one night never again she's a French Bulldog

and I've never heard snoring like it I would never buy one after having her stay over well this is why this like we love Lola Lola's great but I was the same

I borrowed Lola whenever I whenever I was was the same. I borrowed Lola. Whenever I was sad, I used to like borrow Lola as a therapy dog. She was useless because she can't sleep. She snores when she's awake. She snores all the time.

She's, she just runs amok in the house with the noise level is insane and she can't sleep with her. So I had to go out, I had to sleep in a separate room because she's so loud. She's absolutely desperate.

I think I know what you're going to tell me about Lola. Go on. She had something wrong with her bum, I think. So Adam had to get her this special bum operation. But the doctor said, actually, Lola suffers quite badly with UTI infections. So while we're down there, we're going to do a vagioplasty.

Yeah. Lola got a designer vagina worth four grand. Yeah. So Lola's walking around with this amazing arson vagina. I know. She's a 10 out of 10 now

from the waist down. Absolute. I tell you what, I'd be stuffing that body it'd cost me four grand. Indeed you would, yeah. You'd be like, I'll just have the,

if I could just have the designer vagina stuffed, please. I'll just have the hind leg part. That's all I want. I'll have it, I'll have it mounted. Just the designer vagina. No, she has a designer,

she has to be the only dog in Dublin with a designer vagina. I've seen it. Now I did say to Adam, that feels like it curves a bit to the left. You saw the vagina? I haven't seen it yet, you see.

Of course I did. Even though she had that done. I went down, I was like, I want to see if, I'll go to her doctor. I was like, I want to see if I'll go to her doctor I was like I want to see how good the job is

do you know what I mean a lot of people are getting that stuff done supposedly I was speaking to a surgeon I was doing a TV show by the way not for myself and he was telling me

all this stuff he was like well actually I was trying not to get offended with the amount of stuff he was telling me to do after I had the child but he was just like

there are lists upon lists of things that people are doing to their panillas. Well, I wrote a piece before about designer vaginas, so I kind of did a bit of research into them and they don't, like, they just look, they're kind of boring. They just look

like a little, they just look like a little, they're just these kind of bald, pathetic looking lumps. Just like, like what in general no the designer ones because I think I think the kind of curves and flaws

and that like that's what makes them interesting they really are but sometimes when I'm watching that program not that I watch it

regularly but if it's near that bit where they're going to show off their bits the naked attraction and I see some of the fannies and I'm like fucking hell you're fanny shaming you're vaginaaming your vagina I can't even see mine watch look I can't see it I

have to now look in the mirror if I want to see it I don't see it and I have to wee in a test tube sometimes when I go to the doctor well every time I go and like I can't I just wee all over my hand now because I can't see do you miss it do you miss her do you want to have a little do you want to take her to brunch I said I can't see her I can still touch her yeah I can still touch her with your little

extendable hand I said that to Svenny the other day Joanne I said I said you'd be pulling away at yourself

he's like no you're not being disgusting like Joanne I was like do you think Joanne's disgusting I'm the one that Joanne has to try and stop me she's like you she doesn't want to talk about that kind of stuff no i don't like it at all but now i do love a good i do like to talk about porn but no you're right you're you're you're absolutely grotesque compared to me like who thought i was going to be raising the bar like who thought i was going to be the one

bringing class to the podcast nobody rest assured I was telling my mum this hotel did I tell you about this Cork hotel it's probably not that interesting actually but they didn't want

me staying there they were like it's not good for the brand she's not on brand or something stop I was telling my mum she goes

it's the drinking and I was like what just the girls who come to the shows they're drinking I was like I'm talking about who come to the shows they're drinking I was like I'm talking about me

staying in a hotel I'm not bringing 500 girls with me to sit and get pissed in the lobby John they honestly wouldn't let you stay in the hotel

no they didn't they didn't say I couldn't stay the woman who ran the venue said that she was ringing around trying to see if a hotel would do a deal with me because I was down in Cork

for like 10 days so she was this is before the Clayton took me in like an orphan on him like an orphan fucking put me in the band

woe is me anyway she tried one of the this hotel it's this five star in Cork and they were like it's not very on brand for us because I'd be posting about

oh my do you know what it's because the Greece trip I'm telling you that really put you on a new low sorry for being my authentic self it was so Do you know what? It's because the Greece trip. I'm telling you. That really put you on a new low. Sorry for being my authentic self.

It was so... When you were posting those pictures before you moved to the second hotel I was literally like Ah! Oh yeah.

Some of them were absolute dives but like I'm very careful. That's because it was in Greece and it's non-identifiable. Tell me what that hotel was because I'll never stay there now.

I can't even remember the name. But I'd never rat anyone out. Although sometimes I think I will. Sometimes I think I will end up setting up an anonymous Yelp account and like starting to leave reviews. Because the thing now is if people know your face,

the time for complaining is gone. And now is the time for smiling and tipping smiling and tipping like you can't say anything now they'll be like that fucking comic was in here

like they want you to be a dickhead they're dying for you to be a dickhead I'd still complain though if the food was shite or something I'd have to complain

I wouldn't be able to not complain you smile and you tip and you move on no no I'd have to say now if the food was shite I'd, I'd have to complain. I wouldn't be able to not complain. You smile and you tip and you move on. No, no, I'd have to say now if the food was shite, I'd have to say it. I'd have to say it. Well, you do have that reputation. Yeah.

See? Britney's pregnant. We need to discuss. Is Britney definitely pregnant? Are we questioning if Britney's pregnant I know because she posts some stuff and I never really

know what she's saying and then she might be saying that and then she's not saying it is she pregnant defo well as far as

I'm aware according to my sources she is pregnant indeed I'm kind of delighted for her it's so nice she's come out

of her conservatorship she's pregnant nature is healing for Britney I was two things that came to mind one

to get accidentally knocked up at 40 she's not 40 she's 40 Britney's our age well speak for yourself I'm not 40 36

thank you very much I'm clutching my pearls here because is she 40 she's 40 yeah oh wow you see 40 40 is the new 12

for our generation 40 is the new 20 40 is the new 20 it's the new 12 freeze your face freeze your eggs get on with your life no one cares anymore

oh my god so Britney's pregnant at 40 I love that age means nothing basically when you used to die and get cryogenically frozen like Walt Disney

if you wanted to survive and live forever we can get cryogenically frozen while we're still alive we get frozen now we don't have to wait to die to be frozen we freeze everything now

face, uterus freeze it, go Joanne did you see something sorry I actually have to tell you about this now because you've spoken about that so BBC researchers

have rejuvenated a woman's skin to 30 years younger they successfully did it. So she looked, so we would look, I would look 16. No, six.

Don't cut that out! Oh my God, imagine a six-year-old, just like a pregnant six year old pushing Gigi and Deidre around everyone's like this is wrong

on so many levels she's like no it's me it's Vogue I've just had some work done but they did it though and it's the most exciting thing

it was actually it's meant to help like age related diseases such as diabetes and heart disease but I'm more interested in the wrinkles I just love that I just love the idea of you back if they've rejuvenated you back to your

six-year-old self they're like that child should not be in a bikini it's wrong who got that child a bikini yeah why is that child covered in fake tan this is wildly inappropriate listen I am here for it I'll go back 30 years. Britney getting pregnant accidentally at 40. So firstly, your man, that in itself, that's like, you know, that's kind of like

winning the lotto, right? But your man... It's not really. 40 isn't like that old to get pregnant anymore. Add it. Most people I know who are trying to get pregnant

at that age are like freezing things. You know, it's like IVF, fertility. Well, as I told you, you're geriatric from the age are like freezing things you know it's like IVF fertility well as I told you you're geriatric from the age of like 30 yeah I know

it's a geriatric pregnancy but he is he looks so fit like I'd say he could have his tubes tied and he'd still get her

knocked up but then I was remembering what I've told you that you refused to believe women get their tubes tied lads get their tubes tied do they they get them snipped they get their tubes tied. Lads get their tubes tied.

Do they? They get them snipped. They get their tubes cut or whatever. Yeah, they get them snipped and then tied like a little balloon animal. Anyway, this is what I, do you know they were

bringing in the male, they think they've got the male pill cracked. Well, now, they've got it working on mice, but they can't make it work on men yet,

which means, I don't know. Do you think a man is going to go and take a pill every day and they whinge when you forget to take it, which means, I don't know. Do you think a man is going to go and take a pill every day and they whinge when you forget to take it, which happens every single day? Well, I think I'm always pregnant.

I always forget to take my pill. In fact, I haven't taken my pill since about 2002. Sorry, it's too... Who's going to remember that? My pill taking was always like, oh, look, there's my pill. You know what I mean?

It was more just like when I saw it, I just kind of took it. So if I was looking for a change in my handbag, like, there's my pill. You know what I mean? It was more just like when I saw it, I just kind of took it. So if I was looking for a change in my handbag, like there's my pill. But the male pill, would I trust them? I mean,

I do think what is interesting is, do you know the way lads are always giving out that women trick them into getting pregnant? Like she fucking told me she was on the pill. Yeah.

But they can now see the injustice in that when we're like, you told me you were on the pill. I would love to shout that to a lad just for the crack I feel like it would really emasculate them

in some way I don't know why I feel like it's not going to take off well apparently they're struggling to make it work in men so it only works in mice

and also let's remember it would only really I would only trust a man to take the pill if he was being administered like mice which is everyday like clockwork

by a doctor in a white coat through a cage there's no way he's going to remember to take it himself basically the only people we can trust to ride

male wise are mice so you fucking match with that lad Ratatouille or Mickey or someone because men themselves can't be trusted I agree she's right

she's got a point Jo would you take the male pill? No Joanne McNally spot on the red carpet with Ratatouille is that what's that his name with Ratatouille is that

what's that his name Ratatouille he's good looking for a mate I think he's actually a rat is that kind of a rat oh yeah he is a rat Rat

a touille I'm like look I got a dog Joanne that is a rat love I don't know where you think you're going with that oh my god I got a dog Joanne that is a rat I don't know where you think you're going with that

it's a dog I used to have two dogs that lived next door to me and they were called Sam and Ella and I thought that's clever I didn't know where you were going with that

I was like I can't believe she's moved on already that is a record we were talking about Britney no but I I love that she's pregnant with your man but Vogue this is what I'm telling you when you come to the end of your fertility you start shooting out you get your chance to getting pregnant I know I'm going back I'm completely contradicting myself now but you remember when I was saying that when you're coming to the end of your fertility, sometimes you can actually get pregnant easier because your body's shooting out eggs.

Like last orders at the bar kind of vibe. That's, I'd say, what happened to Brittany. And now I'm bricking it because if I'm coming to the end of my fertility, it means I'm more fertile now. And now that I'm dating again, I'm going to need one of those condoms made out of that stuff they make the black box

in the airplane. What's that stuff, Jo? Titanium. I need a titanium condom. That's what I need because I would say if a lad looked at me now, I would say like I could,

if he gave me a good wink, I'd get knocked up. I have to say, I'm taking a break from it myself. And then, do you know what I would do? I would give birth to it and I would say like I could if he gave me a good wink I'd get knocked up. I have to say I'm taking a break from it myself. And then do you know what I would do? I would give birth to it and I would slip it in between your three kids

so you wouldn't even notice and have it raised by those nannies. This is your mummy now. Shh. I'll come back and get you when you're 18. Don't look at me.

Stop calling me mummy. Stop calling me mummy. Those days are over. She's your mother now. Goodbye. In under the little plastic balls into the pill. Off you go.

Baba. Your name is now Lord Maximus Pippi Drop. What would you call your kid if you had a girl and if you had a boy? If I had a girl I'd call it um I like male names for girls like James I love James for a girl for a girl no oh no that's I think there's certain male names that don't work for a girl

like Barry would not work on a girl but Frank doesn't work on a Barry either come on I love that I'm always so high and mighty around the name game and it's like you're called Vogue but I know I'm called Vogue so that's why like

I'm allowed to like other people's names yeah because I've been afflicted with this I know but like it's always that it's always the kind of

would you rather be Vogue I wish I'd been given more of a statement name I just feel Joie it's like what no one that's why I only have

JOA written on my stage it's like no one's even arsed finishing it it's so boring so Joie whatever we've moved on Joie yeah well I just think

someone goes to me would you like it to just be like by Vogue when I'm doing a collab with somebody or something and I'm like no like that's just saying it's just saying so tacky

you've got to add in the second name where it's just like yeah I know what you're saying, but I think it does. I think it is a great indication of how far, how far you've come

and how hard you've worked that you could get away with just using your own name. Like as in, do you know what I mean? I couldn't be like something by Joanne. I'd be like,

who the fuck do you think you are? I've dropped the last name guys. I don't need it. I don't need it. Joanne's enough now people know people know do you remember Kylie Jenner tried to steal

Kylie Minogue's name yeah well Kylie she tried to trademark just Kylie the cheek of her little bitch Kylie's been around for 300 years

you can't just rock up and steal her name you upstart absolutely not and Kylie Jenner she still hasn't named her kid by the way no not legally yet isn't that right she kind of still hasn't named her kid by the way no not legally

yeah isn't that right she kind of like hasn't gotten around to it or whatever fair play to her fair play to her take your time

I wasn't mad on his name anyway I'd rather just like Dave or something Finbar Finbar Finbar Webster I kind of like

the name Finbar it's grown on me I spent a long time slagging it and now it's like I've slagged it's grown on me I spent a long time slagging it and now it's like I've slagged it for so long that I'm like actually I love the name Finbark

I think it's an old quirk name isn't it it's a lovely name Finbark sorry I know I really don't want to bring this up but I feel like that we have to bring it up

and it's like I'm annoyed that I've been That I've been drawn in Brooklyn Beckham's wedding Oh yeah hit me Why is it everywhere? I don't understand I don't get it It's not everywhere It's where you would expect it to be

Which is where we live Which is tabloids And no rent gossip websites. So it's not actually everywhere. I mean, you know, Financial Times, don't give a fuck about it. It's on the BBC News

and everything. It's everywhere. Is it? God, it's just, it's relentless. Do you know what I think my problem is? I feel mean saying this.

I watched something with the two of them on GQ. I got sucked in and I feel enraged that I was sucked in by it. It was there like Mr. And Mrs. And I was like,

why am I watching this nine minutes later? And I was like, nine minutes. I've been watching this for nine minutes. And now I find myself reading about their wedding and I'm like, why do I care? He's like four and a half years old. And,

and now they've taken each other's names. So he's Brooklyn Pelts Beckham. And she's Nicola Pelts Beckham. I just, like, I mean, I just feel like if I'd rocked home at 23 and told my mum I was getting married, she would have had me sectioned.

Like, I just, it just wouldn't have happened. He's only 23. Listen, I pretty much did that at 25. Think about it. Were you 25 when you got married the first time

I was 26 when I got married yeah now that's more yeah but there's I think there's a yeah you still are I mean looking back now it seems so young

well I was a young 26 as well like I was just going out and absolutely ruining myself all the time yeah but but you're a prime example it didn't last

you were too young although I don't think people care if marriage is last now I think people just oh whatever if it doesn't work out we just go although I don't think people care if marriage is last now I think people just oh whatever if it doesn't work out we just go our separate ways

grant whereas back in our parents generation you were kind of you know very much stuck like the stigma around leaving a marriage

I don't think the stigma is the same now no it's definitely not the same you can totally get away with it we've talked about that before the stigma now is if you stay but I also think this thing of being able

to inherit celebrity when you've done nothing to earn it yourself like those kids now they're just famous it's the same with the Will Smith's kids they're just famous

for being the kids of celebrity there's too many celebrities we need to do a call everyone's a bloody celebrity now we need to do a call I'm calling you first you're going first

there's too many do you know what though the stuff that he's tried to do has been like and he just got so much abuse over stuff that he's tried to do has been like and he just got so much abuse over it like when he tried to be a chef

and he's cooking a bacon sandwich it's like come on please like you're obviously going to get absolutely nailed for that shit

yeah or the I guess yeah he's trying to kind of establish a career for himself with you know something a celebrity a celebrity

he's trying to be a celebrity in his own right. At least he's trying to get, like, at least he's trying to work. He was a photographer then for a while. Apparently that wasn't great either now.

I heard the photos were a little bit fuzzy. They're just too, like, it's even like, you're married to 23. You've almost run out of space to tattoo anywhere else. You're covered already.

You're 23. Life is long. Slow down. I know. I know. But I, I don't know. We need to do a cult your tattoo anywhere else you're covered already you're 23 life is long slow down I know I know but I don't know we need to do a call between all these talent shows

and reality shows I don't know snip snip snip so I'm getting snipped first if I'm gone Spenny's gone yeah 100%

he's gone before me he's gone before you he's part of the problem he serves no purpose anymore he has no function apart from sperm A hundred percent. He's gone before me. He's gone before you. He's part of the problem. He serves no purpose anymore. He has no function apart from sperm. I'm just going to call him sperm from now on.

Hey sperm Matthews what are you doing? He'd love that. Yeah throw us a bit of sperm there and get out. He just spider mans you on the way out the door I'll just

squeeze him from behind get him into a sperm into a jar leg it get out Spence

what is it sperm sperm Williams absolutely disgusting I feel you know I feel kind of

mean slagging off Brooklyn Beckham it's just been it's been really getting up my wick the last week yeah but that's the same it's you know the way

when people write about you in that in the end though and then everyone's like why do we care you're doing you're now doing that to Brooklyn Beckham

that's exactly it I'm a but I can totally understand when some people like when there's an article like about my couch or something I'm like I get why that annoys them I get it

yeah I know I can understand yeah I know it's really it is annoying. It's just so annoying. That's why we're going to call you first. Also, when we went to the, to the drag fondue as well, I just saw an article, actually three articles and they're like, Bogan Spencer went dressed in drag and I'm like, Spenny wasn't

there. And then they have a, they have someone, he was like, Spenny's in this tight fitting pink dress with a, with a leopard print coat. What? Not Spenny wasn't there and then they have they have someone he was like Spenny's in this tight fitting pink dress with a leopard print coat I'm like that's not Spen yeah are you serious

yeah they thought it was Spen should you remember I was pictured with you once and they described me as your nanny did they yeah

I'd love a nanny I'd love to come home if I was married like we've got a nanny he's like we don't even have kids I'd be like yeah but I just feel like I need

some extra attention myself some people have housekeepers which is someone who's just in their house all the time just like doing all the stuff yeah I don't want to have to go to bed

I don't want I don't want to put myself to bed I want to be put down I want to be put down by another human mommy put you down thank you I'd love that actually come on Joanna put you down thank you I'd love that actually

come on Joanne it's time to go down it's time for your nap Joanne let's go yeah come on it's time to go down JLo and Ben are engaged again

I know I think this sends an unhealthy message anyone who can't get over their ex now is like well maybe if I just wait for 18 years there's a chance

we'll get back together it's an unhealthy message this is a black swan event X now is like, well, maybe if I just wait for 18 years, there's a chance we'll get back together. It's an unhealthy message. This is a black swan event. This is a black swan event. This is not the usual event. I just think it's nice, though. But, like, who did she go out with after? Ah, she was with that fella, what's his name?

A-Rod. And he's just a disaster, isn't he? They're always cheating on her. I mean, it's cute. It is cute that're always cheating on her. Well, he, well. It is cute that Ben Affleck and J-Lo, like it's cute, you know, just. But remember that weird

relationship Ben Affleck had with that other one, Anna de Armas. I just want to say, I would just love to know what Jennifer Garner thinks about all this. She seems like such a

wholesome little angel. I just feel like this would be really hurtful. I'd be like, what was I? What was I? Just like a phase in between. Were you just obsessed with J-Lo

the whole time we were together? Like, is that what's going on here? I never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a bit of a kick in the teeth. And they were probably friends while they were married and all.

Also, I just don't know how anyone could look at that back tattoo and say, I do. I know, I know. That is like, he's really, he's done a number on himself like that.

Like that makes me think that there's something like not right about him. It's the same with Cheryl Cole. I'm like, was she like heavily drinking or sedated or something at the time that she would have like done something like that?

I don't understand. That is the worst. That is, imagine drinking so much wine, you blacked out, you woke up with Ben Affleck's back tattoo. That does sound like something, like, that's,

you know, that's an intense hand party. That's going to be our first night out. Yeah, that's us in Benidorm. That's us, four hours into Ibiza, we wake up on Wayne Lineker's beach

with like giant back tattoos. I'm earth, wind and you're fire. Get ready ready Oh no I thought we were just Getting a hair wrap What's What's going on

Things have really escalated If I ever If I ever get you Drunk enough I'm getting live laugh love Along your Along your forearm I'm like oh no

We just contained the strip To buy fridge magnets what's going on why have I got a Buddha tattooed across my tits see you later lads that's one of my least favourite things that people say

when they say that see you later lads like no no that's the most innocuous thing like this is the pregnancy rage now she's like I hate when people say hello

I hate when people say see you later lads how dare you how dare you say that to me you absolute melter don't you stop looking at me yeah

it's like but mummy I'm hungry I actually had I've started trying to get him to pour his own Cheerios last night screaming at me

in the middle of the night half four in the morning I need to tell you something I was like Theodore this can't go on anymore what did he want to tell you I wouldn't get out of bed

I was like Theodore I'm going to come and close your door if you keep talking stop like he's screaming through the house and Gigi just sleeps through it all anyway he's going to live with close your door if you keep talking stop like he's screaming through the

house and Gigi just sleeps through it all um anyway he's going to live with you when you get home so he's excited for that I was in um a changing room the other day and there was there been like these kids swimming lessons there's loads of kids rattling around the changing room and um one of them their mom or I don't know was she her mom I don know who she was, but the woman that was with her was like, what are your favourite songs? And this baby, the kids were like a baby, she goes, Gummy Bears and Let's Get Down to Business. Do you know that song? Let's get down, let's get down to business. And the mummy was like, what's Let's Get Down to Business? And the child is like, starts half twerking in the change room in her little talk. She's like, let's get down, let's get

down to business okay well that's it thank you so much for listening we've had an absolutely fantastic a ball one would say a ball this isn't one of your corporates though we don't need your lies

Jo how come we never ask them to like and subscribe everyone else seems to do that. We used to. Remember before you cut out the ins and outs? We've been through this. I don't do anything anymore. Anyway, if you would like to email us,

because we always like to get your emails, send them to hello at mtgmpod.com. Like, how do I forget things like that? I've been saying it for years.