My Therapist Ghosted Me - Glastonbury Voice Issues, Scouts & Cycle-To-Work

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

It's an episode spanning a whole week this week... You'll hear 10 minutes recorded at the beginning of the week, then Joanne's laptop died forever, followed by the rest recorded on Thursday. Wild. Contained within are Vogue's Glasto antics, Joanne's Taylor antics and even more lost airpods (from BOTH parties this time...)If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Boag Williams and Joanne McNally. Anne McNally. You're back. I'm back. I'm back. Kind of back. From the poor man's cowachella.

I wouldn't say. Yeah. That's what I'm going to call it. Oh, really? Glastonbury. Before you get stuck into your Glastonbury stories, I did see that they were providing a villa with like pools and everything

did you see that? for like 25 grand for the week or something? well I did see it because Spencer sent it to me and he was like this is what we should be in and this is like it's like it's between five couples like it's totally doable blah blah blah and I was like it's like between five couples like it's totally doable

blah blah blah and I was like Spencer the problem is like where we stay we're very spoiled we're literally in between the pyramid stage and the other stage

which are the main stages it takes me less than five minutes to get to each stage it's very handy of course I want to pool but I don't want to walk 40 minutes to get to it and am I really going to get in the pool at Glastonbury? No.

It does seem a bit over the top. Like, why not just, you're either going to a villa or you're going to Glastonbury, surely. Why marry the two? A lot of people stayed in, is it the Pig, Joe, the Pig Hotel? There might be a pig. I know there's something called the Newt that's supposed to be very nice. Well, some of the slabs go and stay in those nice hotels and they go back.

But you know what? I'm a trailer girl. You're a salt of the earth. I am. I'm in the trailer park. That's where I'm from. Just a basic little trailer. Just all the basics in there.

Just a basic bitch with her cooking her noodles on her tranja. Tiny, tiny little trailer. I sent Joanne a picture of the trailer. I was like, you wouldn't like it here. Why? I don't remember that. What did it look like?

Oh, I liked it. I liked it. Joanne, you did not like it. Vogue, you forget. And Jo, you forget. I was in the Scouts for years. I'm a dib-dibber. Joanne, like, come on. Like you took part in anything in the Scouts for years i'm a dib dibber juan like come on like you took part in anything

in the scouts or the girls brigade i will not you could not be more wrong babe i was i was a basic oh i quit just before i became a leader i was the youngest female pl in the vicinity i really know i love you so much and i don't want to i don't want to say anything mean but like I find that so hard to believe so hard hold on do you not know how relaxed I am

around cleanliness and all that kind of stuff so would you not see how it would make sense that I spent my weekends in forests with other feral children that's literally what I did

you literally got sent off now we were all forest kids when we were younger that's what that's what an that's what an 80s child was, a forest child. Of all the things I've told you, and this is the thing you dispute.

Well, you've never... I just find it unusual that I'm only hearing about this case now, Bear Grylls. Sorry, you're absolutely not, because I've definitely spoken about this before, haven't I, Jo? Jo's the only one who remembers what actually gets said on this podcast.

Do you know how to start a fire with your bare hands? Hi, folk, I Joe? Joe's the only one who remembers what actually gets said in this podcast Do you know how to start a fire with your bare hands? Hi folk, I'm Joanne, I don't know if we've met Joe, have you heard about the Scouts yet Joe? Because I smell a rat. We knew that you belonged to the Scouts but I don't know that we knew that you were quite so into it 54th Cornel Scores

I was there from the age of 10 to the age of 17. Fair enough. Stick that in your vape and smoke it folk because that's the fucking truth Fact check that Sorry Fact check it You were in skates

until you were 17 Add that to my Wikipedia You big loser Did you just go from skates straight to the sesh? You were 17 in skates and then all of a sudden she was in 10

the whole weekend Sorry I was in skates from 11 to whatever the appropriate age was and then I moved into Ventures which is where the older people go. Sorry. Well I just, I'm unsure because you said 10 there and then you moved to 11 and then you said till 17 but I thought

I met you when you were 17 and you certainly weren't, you certainly weren't scouting around and I met you. I don't like this. I feel like I'm being completely ridiculed. In fairness, Joanne, it's usually going

in the direction we're usually ripping her. So it's only, you know, it's only fair. It's so lovely that it's not me for once. Oh, shut up. You never get ridiculed.

You don't get ridiculed. Are you insane? All we do is support you in your weird decisions. Anyway, are you insane all we do is support you in your weird decisions anyway so Glastonbury was hit us it's like a sensory

overload to say I'm exhausted like I'm so tired after like I will never be able to catch up on the sleep I'd really love for you to come with me. I think that although you don't think it would suit you, it would be so much fun. We wouldn't actually be able to handle ourselves.

Now, we probably would just park up in the trailer and never leave, but that's okay. That's the problem, you see. That's the problem with me. Look, I watch it all play out with kind of one eye. I had another eye on different things over the weekend, but I kept I watch it all play out with kind of one eye I had another eye on different things over the weekend

but I kept one eye on Glastonbury and I have to say now I know that this is my age okay because when I was younger I would have loved it

I would have loved it loved it well I never went so I didn't obviously love it that much but I did go to other similar type festivals and I would have loved it

but there was something like the lights and all I was like I'm not even epileptic I think I still would have had it. But there was something, like the lights and all, I was like, I'm not even epileptic. I think I still would have had a seizure at some point over the fucking three days that you went. It's the not being able to leave, I find, too much.

That's why I think I've got it down to a T with two days. I mean, I woke up on Sunday morning. Everyone else had gone to bed two hours before. So naturally I was thrilled that I'd gone to bed early on before so naturally I was thrilled that I'd gone to bed early on Saturday which was 3am but still it's early in Glastonbury time and I left straight away on Sunday and I think it was the best thing that I ever did because I mean two days it is a

lot it's a lot of walking around it's a lot of seeing things the whole time but Spencer's on the same buzz as me so like by about like half twelve we're just like I don't want to go back out there anymore there's too much going on there's loads of DJs and everyone gives out to us

because we don't and slags us because we stay in a different area but like I've had enough by half twelve and I've been out

and about all day it's too much yeah I agree I agree it's a long couple of days now before we just completely give out about Glastonbury

and show ourselves to be the boring bitches that we are, tell us the things you enjoyed. I enjoyed absolutely everything about it. You literally wander around. You make so many new friends out of nowhere. I saw Coldplay, who I loved. LCD sound system. We're so good.

So I did see loads and loads of bands I saw loads of famous people want to tell you about the famous people? yeah obviously I love a famous person obviously I've seen the Royal Riding of the Dirty Mile

but hit me again okay so Andrew Scott was there to load Andrew Scott I mean I'm sorry where isn't Andrew Scott? like at this point like literally

he was at Taylor Swift with Phoebe Waller-Bridge about three minutes before he turned up at Glastonbury how does he have time to work the man is

he's fucking everywhere I have no idea but I was absolutely he's like I'm sorry I know he's a gay man but I feel like I'm closer to a gay man

than a straight woman and I fancy him I can't help it he's just he's got a vibe yeah he's really cool oh my god I saw Andrew Scott had a fucking

another flower wall another festival with a tin of something in his hand living his best life his best life with a tin of what? a tin of anything

some pineapple express prosciutto whatever he's got going just grinning away it's like he can't believe his luck I don't think he sleeps

or something that's how he gets around so much or he just sleeps on the go maybe and that's how he gets to all those places. It's a deep fake. He's got a deep fake running around I think in Wellington. Scouting all these things for photos.

I'm convinced of it. Oh I saw Saoirse Ronan in the crowd. I was looking out for the Irish. Cate Blanchett. Saw her. Did you? Yeah. She's the spitting image of Amber and I nearly I was so close to being like you look like my sister and I was like

please don't, please don't, please don't. So I never got too drunk that I really mortified myself Oh wait, has she got that kind of ethereal is it ethereal or ethereal Joe? Ethereal, like she is in Lord of the Rings. Yeah, she got that vibe or was she just like in

Levi Dungarees and Crocs? No, she looked like Jesus Christ when I saw her. Perfect. That's what I expect now.

She looked like Jesus Christ. I met one of my idols. So you know the way I'm obsessed with Oasis. Obviously Liam Gallagher was the first person I ever loved

in my whole life. No Gallagher. No Gallagher was the first person I ever loved in my whole life. Noel Gallagher. Noel Gallagher was there. And you met him? Well, I walked by Noel Gallagher, just me and Noel Gallagher walking by each other,

gave him a big massive smile. And what did he do? He fucking ignored me. Well, I think from Noel Gallagher, I think that's quite polite considering what he has been known to do it made me want him

even more yeah I love him more now I'd be swooning I'd be like I guess we're engaged now I was I was kind of thrilled

he really likes me when you know you know this is what it is now I said no Noel I don't want to be part of Oasis I know where you're

going with this no thank you I'm okay I'm busy I already have a, Noel, I don't want to be part of Oasis. I know where you're going with this. No, thank you. I'm okay. I'm busy. I already have a partner, Noel. Her name is Joanne. No. I just play drums for my own amusement, Noel.

Okay. I'm not going on the road with you guys. No, don't even look at me again. Don't even look at me. Don't even think about it. It's like gerbils. I used to have gerbils. My dad bought me a gerbil

and I had to send them back to the pet shop because they kept biting me. I don't like things like that. No wonder he died. So funny, because I buried them with him. A gerbil in each pocket.

Hello, everybody. We're actually coming to you on a different day We're in the future because Joanne still has not got herself a new laptop and have you got a new laptop yet? No but I love the way

you're speaking to them like that We're like children's TV presenters It's a different day guys It's a different day It's not the day that we recorded to begin with It's a new one We guys. It's a different day. It's not the day that we recorded to begin with. It's a new one. We're like Blue Peter presenters.

I love it. Oh, God. Let's start with the alphabet. I love that song. I love that tune. It's a different day because my laptop has decided

it's gone. It's passed on. It's gone to a farm. Do you want... You told us it. It's gone where the animals go. How many weeks ago, Jo? Was this like two months ago

or three months ago and now you just keep you keep now in fairness you're trying to save save yourself a few bob I understand it's not really that

but the laptop's dead it's the laptop no the laptop has been dying for a while it's been terminal and it's not about saving a few bob I just couldn't be arsed

I know because you have to do the changeover it's like my phone look at the back it's insured I just couldn't be arsed I don't care I'll just have that phone

but obviously now it's affecting other people so I am willing it's insured I don't care I'll just have that phone but obviously now it's affecting other people so I am willing to do it so I will buy a new laptop blah blah blah blah blah buy a new laptop I'm going to give it Jo

let's make a bet let's make a bet a bet how long it will last oh a bet I'm going to say five months I give her five

wait what has she got coming up oh god no she's got lattices and stuff like that four months anything with water involved if I could just if I just don't swim

with this one I think I could get I could get maybe two months three out of it also Apple up your fucking game

like we want waterproof laptops like what's your fucking problem make it out of whatever they make goggles out of I don't understand why is it so weak goggles do you know what I mean goggles are problem make it out of whatever they make goggles out of I don't understand why is it so weak goggles

do you know what I mean goggles are waterproof make it out of and the iPhone is waterproof now supposedly I'm not testing it out because mine's cracked so it won't be waterproof anymore

but partner with those people who make the Wellingtons Hunter Hunter X that's what I need a Hunter laptop

please yeah fucking losers but I can't throw a pint of water into your insides. I'd say that's going to be their next thing. A waterproof laptop.

It should be. That you just do your work in the bath because everyone likes being in the bath. I know we've spoken about it before but I think it's worth mentioning. Sometimes we don't repeat

ourselves in the pod but I think this is worth repeating. And obviously Glastonby and all that jazz. Can we just do a shout out for our friend James who owns a pair of Chanelingtons which are Chanel Wellingtons

which are Wellingtons with a kitten heel he didn't they're Chanel they're Chanel Wellingtons they're called Chanelingtons and if I'll say it again

they have a kitten heel and they leave a Chanel mark in the mud he didn't have the Chanelingtons with him did he not no I saw their wellies they were

has he lost his job what's happening they were on the hunt what's happening James not in Chanelingtons cost 11 crisis I think they're a little bit they're a little bit they were on has he lost his job what's happening they were on the hunt what's happening James not in Schnellingtons I think they're a little bit embarrassing

the Schnellingtons come on no they are embarrassing stop absolutely he's like I'm going to go with Crocs guys

because I think that's less embarrassing Crocs were the you would have fit right in at 6am in Glastonbury at the like

Shangri-La I wasn't there by the way Crocs They love Crocs As I sat this morning at my writing desk Before you started to talk about other bullshit

the usual shit And she's like I'm actually waiting to go in air And I was like Oh my god I forgot She's on radio So I put it on Because I'm she's on radio so I put it on

because I'm a big fan of you she put it on and then I sat there and I put my Alexa right up to my ear didn't I I saw the pictures yeah it wasn't

it mustn't have been there for the whole time I said Alexa put on Vogue and you came straight on and then a couple hours passed and I said Vogue you haven't fucking said anything what's the crack

I was actually about five links in so I don't know how Joanne had not heard me talking about all the fun things and I was on with Chris Evans for a while

she missed that no no no I heard no offence to Chris I was like fucking come on Chris we want Vogue because he was like

oh sorry I've gone over I was like yeah I know you have I'm not fucking looking at my watch we're waiting for Vogue come on you've gone over how did you miss the links though

I don't understand how you missed all the links I was like and then I said John John I said John I'm going to be talking

after this song and still nothing nothing no I was going to the next thing then she'd give it up I was listening to you and then I was on the phone you know yourself

putting out fires starting fires and then I hang up the phone you know yourself putting out fires starting fires and then I hang up the call and I'm like focus and fucking send anything this lazy bitch she's on a jolly over there in the f***ing radio

well I'll tell you what yeah we can't say what station you're on because they're our competitor I'll be damned oh okay well anyway

so I was meant to be on on Monday but I went obviously to Glastonbury and I completely rang and said lost my no I'll try and

find the voice note with my voice in it so because I was singing along I didn't know I knew Coldplay songs I don't listen to Coldplay I knew all the songs

and all the words and I completely lost my voice and I like they were like it might sound quite cool after Glastonbury and I was like

I don't think it's going to sound cool after Glastonbury let me try and find it Knowing you how I know you I would say, were you not like mortified that you had to ring in sick on your first day?

Hang on, wait. So I am definitely happy to go in. I guess that's what my voice sounds like. But it is a whole day away. Oh my God. I don't want to order and stuff. Oh, Vogue. I'm happy to go in I'm sorry

you've been decapitated on one leg you're like no guys honestly I don't want to let Ryan down and then Ryan texts you he's like oh I'm listening

can't wait for your first day I was like well about that Ryan it's actually not happening until tomorrow I thought you were fab I thought there could have been more chat and I obviously kept trying to speak back to you I thought you were fab. I thought there could have been more chat.

And I obviously kept trying to speak back to you when I did hear you talk. Because that's our dynamic. But I thought you were fab. And I liked knowing that you were in my radio. And I liked the music. And you liked knowing where I was because I like to know where you are as well. I like to know where you are.

Let's all find my iPhone each other. Yeah, I'd like that. I track you all day every day. I track Amber. I'm like where you are as well I like to know where you are it's a good let's all find my iPhone each other yeah I'd like that I track you all day I track Amber I'm like you're not at home I know you're not at home and she's and then I shouldn't let her know

come here one of my okay a friend of a friend friend for legal reasons caught her fella cheating do you know how her husband she put an air pod

in his bag oh and then watched it go to another woman's house for a week and she knew the other woman oh my

did she get the airpod back I don't know but important question important question I've lost my husband and 100 quid there's no going back

well I don't know I don't know if you I know I've slagged you all the time about your airpod so I left Fanny stupidly I've lost another box go on well I let him borrow my airpods on the way down know I've slagged you all the time about your AirPods. So I left Benny stupidly.

I've lost another box. Go on. Well, I let him borrow my AirPods on the way down to Glastonbury. Did you see the Rolls Royce I was going to get? I saw you were down in some weird hearse.

Yeah. It's the most comfortable car I've ever been in. We were brought out. It's a company called Haynes Prestige actually. And Michael, it was his birthday

and he dropped us in last year. He dropped us in this year. Anyway, I stupidly lent Spencer my AirPods that he had bought me. He dropped one down the side. But the car. Yeah, and I'm still waiting for them to find it because they have to take the whole seat out.

But I'm like, guys, I'm really sorry. You're going to have to take the car apart. It's 100 quid. Yeah. It's 100 quid. Yeah, crush the car. I don't care. Crush the vintage Bentley.

Yeah, well, he tried to take Spenny got home and tried to use his own airpods and I was like excuse me I own them now they're now my airpods

like you don't just go and lose mine and then just think that I'm not taking yours I had that issue with a previous partner so I'm kind of hungover so I say things like

partner when I'm hungover and I I borrowed his headphones my partner's headphones well that's his own fault if he didn't he obviously didn't know you at all

well we were in a relationship and we were kind of living together but yeah he didn't really obviously obviously didn't know me well enough because he lent me his headphones and I went I was walking up the Sugarloaf

and of course I don't know how or where or what happened but then the kind of you happened the politics I happened yeah they got what happened but then the kind of you happened the politics

I happened yeah they got you on and then the politics of the headphones began with the like but he's like well what are you gonna give me in return

to give him my headphones yeah it was a whole thing 100% yeah yeah yeah and then I could find them I was like they're on the sugar lout and he's like well go and fucking get them then

and I was like well they've been there for a week I don't know if it's worth it you're going walking back up the sugar lout you know you know the story this morning I spoke to you I was telling Joe so I they've been there for a week. I don't know if it's worth it. You're going walking back up the sugarloaf. You know, you know the story this morning. I spoke to you.

I was telling Joe. So I got up early this morning to write. Yeah. Because I'm assigned. And write, write, write, write, write. And then obviously I had to nap because I like to, I can only really stay awake for two hours at a time. And I set my alarm.

We're in our napping era. It happens. Ah, I get three days out of one day. Like I'm fucking thriving here. You're enjoying your ice bath. Your sleep pattern's weird though. Yeah, it makes no sense. No, like she'll sometimes text a group of 5am

and like, has she contacted or is she still awake? Exactly. And sometimes I don't know. I'm like, I'm conscious. What's happening? Is it day or night? I'm like, it's still

the 3rd of July. I don't, this day is going on for years. Now, in fairness, I did not know it was the 4th of July. I didn't even know it was the 1st of July. I don't, this day is going on for years. Now, in fairness, I did not know it was the 4th of July. I didn't even know it was the 1st of July. Well, you've been busy. You've been busy.

But anyway, so I had a nap, obviously, before the podcast. Set my alarm. And so bizarrely, like, I don't, it was, it's, it's, I don't, I'm not religious. Okay. It's the first time I've ever considered that maybe there are fairies in charge. I woke up so we're due just for the listeners

2pm record we're supposed to be here at 1.45 I can't believe you're here by the way I just cannot believe it I I need to contact the Vatican

this is a full blown miracle how did it happen because I rang Louisa my monitor on the way here I don't know I was like when can we fit it in later I was like

she's not going to be there. There's no way she'll be there. How did you know I wouldn't be here? Because I just, I can tell. I can tell by the antics that have happened before. You heard me this morning.

I was a bit frantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then obviously, I have periods of like manic episodes, I guess, but like, you know, not actual diagnosed.

Manic is the right word. But manic episodes and then I go to sleep and I woke up just naturally naturally woke up at 1pm my alarm didn't go off

obviously I don't know how to set it anymore obviously I need to take a class now I can't believe that I cannot believe it I woke up 1 o'clock

rang an Uber and was here bang on time actually listen to this John Monday this is really exciting it's quite fun it's with FlexiFit

so my fitness app with John Belton we're going to British Summer Time if you want to come Jo free tickets on Monday you can come to

it's a work out it's a work out at night Joanne's going to do a little set before a work out at night a work out so we're at you were very clearly it's a work out at night Joanne's going to do a little set before a work out at night a work out so we're at the

British Summer Time Festival and I'm there with Stanley Cup you know those those beakers and the tumblers delighted they sent me free ones

I'll give you one I have a purple one for you Stanley yeah I know it was so thrilling I'll even give you one too Jo thanks

that would be nice yes even Jo can have one yeah Jo you can have one too Jo thanks that would be nice yes even Jo can have one yeah Jo you can have one too you piece of shit I'll give him the tiny one without the straw

so we're doing a we're doing a a fitness workout live on stage on Monday evening if anyone wants to come tickets are free so come join us

oh I'll be there I know you will your tickets are booked I like working out and I don't remember I've done it that's when I like doing it I'll be there oh I know you will your tickets are booked I like working out and I don't remember I've done it that's when I like doing it I'll do it

sorry that's okay I know I know you didn't mean to do it what I haven't done anything yet seeing as we're doing a plug I'm just preoccupied

which is my side hustle merch bag business track suits are on sale 50% off and the silver and lilac bag are back in stock the pictures

I just kept getting pictures of her with a relaxer to her ear I'm like how is she missing this is she on the right channel are you going to say something or did I ever tell you about the time I'm like on the right channel are you going to say something or did I ever tell you

about the time I'm sure I did back when I was living with my friend Nicky in Dublin we were living in around Bullsbridge and em I got this gorgeous bike

on the bike to work scheme in Ireland so you had this the bike to work scheme I'm going to try and explain it but I don't have a fucking clue what it was there's been similar schemes around

has there do you get that in England do you can't ever what doing a bike to work scheme I know yeah it's wild

I know yeah she has to fill out paperwork for that yeah but no I obviously what the fuck do you want a bike for my work did it my work did it

I didn't do it no no no you'd be great in a bike you'd love it I can't even buy a house like my mortgage broker was like do you want it can you fill it

and I was like I'm sorry if it involves filling out forms it's going to be renting for me anyway so I got this bike on the bike to work scheme yeah and the bike to work scheme and the bike to work scheme in Ireland was basically

you worked and they gave you a bike and so it was a expensive bike I think you got a half something happened I don't know

you were turned up to the office and there was a bike there and it was yours it was your bike and did she get to choose the bike

yeah yeah yeah I think they gave you like an amount of money towards whatever bike you wanted so anyway oh because you're coming off the road

you're stopping the traffic exact okay yes do they do that over here because I do need a new bike that one's too heavy for me he says they do it here

I think employers do it I don't know if it's a government scheme I can look into it for you yes please thank you yeah Jo fucking look into it have we signed our new contract for this

because I want to put a bike on mine I think we've given enough did I oh shite I think we've given enough did I oh shite I think we've given enough to England to get a bike back now yeah go on tell me your story

anyway sorry so bike to work scheme blah blah blah so I had this new shiny bike and it was great I was flying around on it and then one morning I woke up out of the

in my I don't know what you call it a flat apartment fucking squat and the bike was gone I was like oh have I not no

called the guards I was like oh have I not called the guards I was like oh my god we've been broken into my house went oh yeah like went because it was obviously

you know it was like a a fancy bike yeah yeah yeah called the guards there was like any sign like they were like they came

they were really sound about it went down to the local spa later and I locked it to the spa so I'd cycle down the night before locked bananas

locked it went in bought my bits walked out forgot the bike was there went home slept woke up

accused everyone of breaking into the flat and Nicky my friend Nicky was like I just don't understand why they wouldn't take anything else

like everything else because they were so happy with their bike I don't know they didn't need anything else when they got the shiny bike I'm not a understand why they wouldn't take anything else. Like everything else. Because they were so happy with their bikes. I don't know. They didn't need anything else when they got the shiny bike. I'm not a criminal so I can't get in their minds.

But rest assured we have been violated. Did you have to hurt them? And they have taken the bike from the bike to work scheme. I know. And you'd want it. The embarrassment

when I saw it locked. Really well locked. Like totally. No, don't touch it. There wasn't even a you'd want it the embarrassment when I saw it locked really well locked and like totally no one touched it there wasn't even a scuff on it no offence but it mustn't have been that nice a bike

if no one stole it and you left it outside the bar all night how dare you I'm sorry but it mustn't have been it was a bike to bike it was a bike to work scheme bike so it was

it was a fucking Bentley it was like a Rolex I used to work with Škoda and with who? the car company Škoda what happened there? you have to say that it's not Škoda it's Škoda and with who? the car company Škoda what happened there

you have to say that it's not Škoda it's Škoda to who? to the world no no no listen ask us

ask it Škoda so I used to work with Škoda and they used to have these cycles and they gave me a bike which Amber still has Škoda do you bike today?

yeah because Amber can't get rid of anything that was free so they gave me a bike put Amber still has. Go to do bike today. Yeah, because Amber can't get rid of anything that was free so they gave me a bike put me in Amber's and I had to go. She's tighter than a lung vagina.

What did you do for the weekend? So when you were in Glastonbury I was having your own Glastonbury. I had teeny tiny soiree in the apartment. With who?

With Michelle. It's only ever Michelle. I saw Michelle I saw a poster for soiree in the apartment. With who? With Michelle. It's only ever Michelle. I saw Michelle. I saw a poster for her new show. Yes! Starts on Monday. Starts on Monday. Yes.

Michelle DeSworth, who's my, one of my, I'd say maybe my bestest comedy friend. She's very funny. She's fucking hilarious. And she has a new series called Spent starting on BBC Two. Two. BBC Two. On Monday. What time?

What time? 10pm. 10pm 10pm and I obviously demanded she send it to me ahead of time and I watched it you've had it

yeah okay fine she's like it's not created it's not created I was like Michelle you're always she's like so anyway my point is

I've already seen it I'm gonna follow her Michelle I've already seen it it's fucking hilarious I love a good recommendation I actually think I think she's going to get a BAFTA

oh my god get her to invite you to the BAFTAs well I'm bringing her to Latitude on her demand so I think it's only fair she brings me to the BAFTAs in return Latitude

oh my god are you going to stay for the you're not staying for the weekend I don't like you know I'm doing the comedy tent down there are you not headlining Latitude I am

thank you so much sorry thank you I feel so like you know I'm doing the comedy tantrum now are you not headlining Latitude? I am fuck thank you so much I'm too hot sorry thank you I feel so proud to be on between me headlining the comedy stage and you fucking doing Ryan Toberty's radio show

yeah they're exactly the same thing yeah are you headlining two years ago everyone hated us and they still do but now we're getting booked for shit it's amazing where was I oh yeah Michelle I've seen it already it's it's it's And they still do. But now we're getting booked for shit. It's amazing. Where was I? Oh yeah, Michelle.

I've seen it already. It's, it's, it's, I'm not even being biased. It's Bafta material. She's an ex-supermodel who is now a fucking comic. Also, I did wonder. She's such a ride.

She's an absolute knockout. And she's funny. Like why? That's not fair. You're not meant to have both. You're not meant to have both. It's like when I see people with a great white sign

and a great leg. You bother not meant to have both. It's like when I see people with a great white sign and a great leg. You bother everyone and I bother nobody. Because they're like, why does she get to be hot and funny and they look at me and go, oh yeah, okay, fine. It's because I'm a bit blokey.

I'm always calling myself ugly. I have to stop. You do. I want to know what you did this weekend. Oh, wow. So you just had a party. Oh, no, hang on. Hang on.

I was on a date. I'm dating now. No, no, no on. Hang on. I was on a date. I'm dating now. No, no, no. We need to take 10 steps back. We need to take 10 steps back. I'd like to know what happened on Friday morning. Remind me.

I don't know what you're talking about. Well, we were talking about, I was on the way to Glastonbury. You were on the way to Taylor. Oh, my God. Jesus, life moves fast. So weird. I thought you'd be posting more about it. So weird. It's unusual. oh my god Jesus life moves fast so weird I didn't I thought you'd be like

posting more about it so weird unusual I didn't see it on the page I see what you're doing she didn't make the main page I see what you're doing I called it

I called it months ago here's the truth full transparency me going to Taylor Swift was basically because I wanted to hang out with my brother

and also I'd organise the tickets me going there and back involved me to keep it under 20k on flights because the flights were so fucking expensive

because everyone's going back for Taylor involved me getting two 6am flights to and from Stansted Airport I will I will actually corroborate that because Ciarán was meant

to come over for Shania Twain with me this weekend and the flight was £1500 one way to Stansted there you go yeah

right so the flights were ridiculous but my brother was like oh I'd love to really hang out and I was like okay look I'll do it so booked the flights

oh my you still paid for the flight and he didn't go to what did your brother say was he annoyed? Look I donated the ticket to someone who who wanted it way more than I did

okay so the ticket went to Goody's but I was sitting in my flat and I was like okay so it's 11pm okay so I have to get up in 40 minutes to go to Stanton

and then I go to to Taylor and then and then I have to do the same from Dublin and I you know what I'm like with morning flights and everything I honestly don't know I from Dublin and I you know what I'm like with morning flights

and everything I honestly don't know I think if my mother was getting buried and I had to get a 6am flight I'd zoom in she'd understand she'd understand

she'd understand I'd be like I watch from London I'll still do the eulogy just from London things I would rather do than get a 6am flight from Stansted

swallow silage yeah give up booze mind Gigi for 48 hours lose two limbs there you go, I just couldn't do it I couldn't do it, hang on are you here next Wednesday to Sunday, no why

dogs, do you want some dogs yeah, I'll take the dogs now you have to, if you're going to take the dogs you have to take the dogs yeah yeah yeah I'll take the dogs okay we have to if you're going to take the dogs you have to take the dogs yeah yeah yeah I'll take the dogs okay we'll talk about it after the pod anyway

finish Taylor I genuinely was like these flights are so expensive maybe Taylor's on these maybe she's flying Ryanair maybe that's why they're so expensive maybe Taylor is up the front

she's paid extra for the leg room she's trying to be more environmentally aware I don't know I was like why are these flights so expensive

am I flying I think you could have gotten a private plane for that am I doing Long know. I was like, why are these flights so expensive? I think you could have gotten a private plane for that. Am I doing long haul to Brisbane? Like what? Tell me what you did instead then because I know that you were getting up. I know I was texting you at 3am on Saturday morning.

She didn't just go to bed. Joanne and I texted absolute garbage to each other. You're like a sister to me I want to I wish I was there with you well I was on a I'm back dating

as we know God love everyone watch out for your husbands lock your sons up no really do lock them up please I'm trying to write a book and I love lads and I'm fucking completely distracted Husbands, lock your sons up. No, really do. Lock them up, please. I'm trying to write a book and I love lads

and I'm fucking completely distracted. When did I go on a date with him? When was I chatting to you? Well, Saturday at 3am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. Okay, okay at 3am Yeah yeah yeah Saturday Saturday Saturday Yeah yeah yeah So anyway we made great chats

and he's like yes I was like you're completely emotionally unavailable and he's like you're absolutely right so I'm seeing him again He sounds perfect

Does he sound great? I will buy my hat Yes buy your hat Because I'm like emotionally unavailable we'll see about that see I'm meeting him again it's always

it's always the way I'm sorry that's why I end up married all the time you know yourself now when they tell you you can't have it you're like

well now I want nothing else in this world yeah that's what I need now yeah I will live and breathe until you take me seriously as a contender and then I'll

completely tap out and I left my fucking airpods in his house nice move no no no oh I won't see you again but I will because I left my airpods there

I've just been pressing the alarm all day waiting for him to waiting for him to realise they're buzzing how silly of me oh what a silly what a silly billy

and you know don't leave it what a silly billy don't leave anything shit if you leave a toothbrush it's like you can buy a new one you can't buy new airpods

oh I left my coil there uh oh hi daddy you and I could get a two for one on bikes because I'm planning on cycling everywhere now with my new bike as in the two for one on bikes because I'm planning on cycling everywhere now with my new bike

as in the two of us on a tandem no so you were out with Michelle on Friday her show's on Monday at 10 o'clock BBC2 so you were out with Michelle on Friday and then you went out on a date on Saturday

yes I mean honestly are you going to come to Glastonbury next year I'm just asking no because I think it's getting a bit ridiculous now but Vogue you've been once

excuse me I've been I'm a I'm a fucking Glastowhead are you I've been twice sorry sorry I didn't realise

we were actually we were recording we started recording this on Monday and I was like yeah it's just not for me you know festivals I'm just done I'm done with festivals so what's your take on it now oh I'm going I'm going next yeah, it's just not for me. You know, festivals, I'm just done. I'm done with festivals.

So what's your take on it now? Oh, I'm going. I'm going next year because it's Thursday now. I'm back to normal. I mean, Joe, can't take this to rest. All you did was give out about it

for about two months beforehand. I know, I'm sorry. That's all you did. I know, I'm sorry. I was very anxious. It's funny, the anxiety has passed now. You made us really anxious.

I'm sorry. I was really... Oh my God, did I tell you this about the night before?'m sorry I was really oh my god did I tell you about the night before oh I was like an emotional wreck did I tell you that on the last

basically on Thursday night so I'm all ready for Glastonbury bag packed blah blah blah Spenny was out and I was like this doesn't really suit me

because I'm ready to go to bed now and it's my window to sleep Glastonbury doesn't suit you no Spenny being out the night for Glastonbury because I was like

it's my window to sleep now I'm really anxious as it is anyway I got myself into the biggest like a bundle of mess

I was I was all over the place at one point I was crying from anxiety I couldn't sleep I went to bed at 9

it was 1am I hadn't slept and I was crying so do you know what Spenny said to me 8 or 9 times darling darling I'm not even being crying do you know what Spenny said to me eight or nine times darling darling

I'm not even being funny but I know what will help if we just have sex and I was like after I was in the middle of crying I was like Spenny if you fucking say that to me

one more time I will so yeah I only had four hours sleep before Glastonbury because I got so anxious did you ride him in the end no I didn't

I was really anxious you can't give in to him because then it'll become a habit no he thinks it's ok then yeah sorry Spenny I'm mid panic attack here

if you don't mind put your dick away if you were having a stroke that lad would be like oh my god while the ambulance is on the way I just think

a small ride if I was dying he'd be like I need to get a quick ride in before she dies because then that's the end of that this is the last ride she's flatlined Spencer

this is now what's a good one you ride necrophilia'll be like she's flatlined Spencer this is now what's the company right before necrophilia she's not she's still warm she's still warm she's a little bit wet

no but so this is what I just think do you know what I think you need to learn when you go to your hypnotherapist oh yeah I need to get that I actually have some on

I'm booking in with them good you need to learn how to actually just enjoy yourself without beating yourself up about it I know

Jo's nodding you just need to learn how to enjoy yourself well I did enjoy enjoy myself I did yeah but like thank God but like the preamble

it's too much I know it was too much for me to be honest I thought it would never go away I was like is this what I am now

I'm just this anxious person and it wasn't it was because I was so anxious about being hung over I hate being hung over you know how I feel about it a bit of reiki a bit of hypnotherapy

I'm going to do all of the above next year before Glastonbury the badge chair whatever mocks you I think that Eminem is going to be playing next year and I've completely made that up in my own head

why do you think that well I thought that because I was like the only way I'm going next year is if Eminem's playing so now I've decided he's up in my own head why did you think that? well I thought that because I was like the only way I'm going next year is if Eminem's playing so now I've decided he's playing got it you're manifesting Eminem

for yourself well he could be playing he's got a new album out so he could be on the main stage can I just say no do I want to

you're dead right let's wrap it up am I saying I invented Avril Lavigne no that's too strong have you brought her back from the dead let's wrap it up am I saying I invented Avril Lavigne no that's too strong have you brought her back from the dead

I don't know if anyone's heard of a podcast that I did for bleep that out Joe called Who Replaced Avril Lavigne and before I did the podcast Avril was not playing

Gatsby suddenly she is I mean I thought so myself and then she did Daddy Podcast and she spoke about the replacement theory

did she mention me? No, which was rude but we all knew what she was talking about she is so ungrateful so ungrateful anyway Avril A. you're welcome

and B. the amount of videos I could dine in oh from a glass of beer yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean sir she was on the Sunday apparently there was like

70,000 people at her yeah because she wasn't at the proper main stage she should have been at the main stage before I did that podcast it might have been 15,000 that's all

before you did that podcast she wasn't even on any stage she was just in the car park for people and then you did the podcast and they said you can have the pyramid stage she was over

and then they heard my podcast and went it's the pyramid for her yeah yeah yeah that's exactly what happened her fans are bound to be fine about you saying that obviously I'm taking the piss obviously

but am I? Avril? I mean next time you're talking about the pod maybe tag me I don't know whatever just before we go we'd like to remind you

that we are going to get a free bike on the Bike to Work Bike to Work scheme Is it still going I wonder? I don't know I'd love to get a picture of you on the bike

on your way to work with your little helmet I think you're just fascinated that I filled out paperwork but I didn't I know I really didn't I didn't do it

I'm such a lazy bitch We've three plugs We've got Joanna's on tour in America't do it I'm such a lazy bitch we've three plugs we've got Joanna's on tour in America Jo knows where I'm going Portland Portland

Seattle Denver Denver Denver Denver Washington Washington DC Nashville

Dallas Austin Austin Austin Austin all the tickets are at joannmcnally.com and then in the middle,

I'm coming over. I'm dipping the toe in. I'm dipping the toe in. I'm coming to Boston, New York, Toronto. 10th, 11th, 12th of October.

Cannot wait. That's going to be so exciting. And where are the tickets? The tickets are at mytherapistghostandme.com and also, Michelle DeSworth is going to be on BBC

at 10 o'clock on Monday. And I've seen it and it's... or at mytherapistgoesandme.com and also Michelle DeSworth is going to be on BBC 2 at 10 o'clock on Monday and I've seen it and it's okay stop showing off we know you know her on the inside scoop

gosh I hope she plays a completely different version so do I actually don't teach me. Thank you.