My Therapist Ghosted Me - Golden Globes, Plane Door Plug & Graham Norton

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

There are a LOT of topics this week... Jo Koy at the Golden Globes, Jeremy Allen White's new ad, MORE lost airpods & the lovely Graham Norton. Plus, even more besides!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Are we recording? Are we recording? Are we live? Hello Are we live from SNL? Are you still there? Hello Fuck

I can't Like When the phones When the phone line goes And your mother rings you back And gives you a 20 minute explanation As to where it went Unbearable It'll put you in an early grave it'll put you in an early grave

well at least your mom doesn't bother you with insta stuff because she's like pretend she's not on it my mom with instagram stuff i'm like please please go away she sends me mails from people i'm like it doesn't matter like it doesn't matter god he's hot who is that man hang on a second joanne he's right up our street. Who is he? Is it Jeremy Allen White in the Calvin Klein? If it was, I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

I would have been slipping out the door. I can't, Audrey. Stan, that's like Rainbow Rapids stuff. That's like... You sent me that and I thought, this is an inappropriate time to watch this sexual ad

For anyone who doesn't know Rainbow Rapids were a Very high end Water park In Ireland Just so you know By high end She means there was

Two slides that people Usually got impaled Upon something On the way down That kind of high end Yeah Five kids went down Two survived

That's pretty much The buzz The Rainbow Rapids But Are we going to talk About Jeremy Allen White now We just get out of the way Just get out

Because at the start I was like Why is she sending me this Is she trying to turn me on I don't understand I mean I'm not trying To turn you on But Jeremy Allen White

Certainly is He Like Honestly Oh my god I was like Who is this dude Joe doesn't know

Who he is He's a very I don't know Wet pants over there. Your gay era is upon you, Jo, because once you see this campaign... There's no going back from it. It's your man from The Bear.

Yes. Why are you calling him The Bear? The Bear. Is he a chef in something else or something? Yeah, he's a chef. He's really good. I know the chef one because I kind of am into the chef

because I fancy like An aggressive chef Like Gordon Ramsay Although he's very polite When you meet him in real life Which is Off-putting Chefs are notoriously deranged Because they work in

Windowless Sunless Rooms For like 15 hours a day And have to make the exact same Lamb shank 20 times Like it's hell

It's actually torture shit But anyway Jeremy Allen White Who I'm Obviously going to use His full name Because he deserves it Absolutely

Is the new face Of Cam Clive And I I actually looked in So Alan has taught me How to check If someone's on steroids Oh how?

Because their traps Which is like Their shoulder bits Are really hot Like they're kind of Really obvious Like the kind of really obvious, like the kind of dents in them. So I was looking at Jeremy Allen White from head to toe.

Is he on the Roids? He's not on the Roids from what I can tell. I prefer a look like that because I know someone who was on the Roids, not Spencer, before everyone asks. I just have to. Let's caveat that. Of course, yeah.

The one week that Spencer Was not on the roads That's the week we're referring to Do you remember that time Like in 2017 When he wasn't on the roads That afternoon That afternoon he wasn't on the roads It was a great day for all of us

The violence lessened It was great The bulls sort of Dragged him behind him again They got much more plump He was erect again It was a fun day But

Obviously you can tell When someone's on the roids I feel like Yeah but Well I wouldn't have been able to now Until Like Alan gave me A little lesson on it

But yeah There is Now I can see it There's a definite look It's like You know You can kind of tell if you've been shown the tricks but from what I can from what from my forensic forensic examination exploration

of Jeremy Allen White's body he's not on the roads now they've definitely put some sort of fucking what why do you call those snakes you put in front of the door To stop the draft coming in A draft snake A cobra No No like The The teddy The teddy snakes

Oh in his pants In his pants Some people just have Massive dicks I'm going to say He has a massive dick I'm going to go I'm going to

I'm going to I'm going to call it And say Now obviously I'm just going to say Jeremy Allen White Is He's like Something chiseled From stone But Call it and say Now obviously I'm just going to say Jeremy Allen White Is He's like

Something chiseled From stone But He's a Man of shorter stature And It's not usual That a man of shorter stature

Is blessed With a large Appendage That's all I'll say I make no I make no judgements What I will say is If Jeremy Allen White

Has the appendage The size of a tic tac I'm still all in Because that fucking Calvin Klein ad Is The comments underneath Are the funniest shit

I've read Some woman's like Oh She's like I'm crying down my legs That is So good She's like

Oh a tear A tear Just fell down Jeremy Is he French? I want that woman To write my obituary Whoever she is

Is this man French? Does he have a French accent? He's from Brooklyn Oh he looks French And apparently And like again No shade But apparently

He has a Drink problem There's been some Beef with his ex So he's got addiction issues And also I find hope In the fact that

Someone can be that Ripped with a drink issue I'm like oh perfect Let's keep going Allegedly With the Drink issue The wine is not

Allegedly No I think it The wine is not without Allegedly No I think it has It has been said I think there was some Court case with his Anyway look Fair play to him Fair play to Calvin Klein

Fair play And do you know what Fair play the most To the women in the comments section Because it's the funniest shit I've read It's so funny It's a very very long time And then I went back

On Calvin Klein's last Kind of What do you call them Campaign model A man Man And it's Oh Jesus God Who was it Calvin Klein's last Kind of What do you call them Campaign model A man Man And it's Oh Jesus God

Who was it He's a fine looking man Who I don't know who he is His name's Brendan Brendan who I don't know Brendan Gleeson

I mean Brendan Brendan no one Really Do you remember What's his name In comparison to what's happened He doesn't have the same physique

Which is a terrible thing to say We shouldn't comment on people's bodies, but we will. What was your man's, Jamie Dornan, didn't he do it? And he was absolutely spice bag. Was he?

Oh God, yeah. Jamie Dornan. I think he might have done it before he'd even done loads of movies. He was just this big ride of a Calvin Klein model. Yeah. Gorgeous.

Did I ever tell you about that time that I did a show on bodybuilders? Remind me. You know I've known you. I did a TV show on bodybuilders years ago and I actually had to enter a bodybuilding competition myself. I'll try and find the footage for you.

Well, you're brown enough. I had to get this specific spray tan. You should have seen the state of me. I'm sure I told you about this. And I was backstage, everything ready to go on. And they were all like not drinking and not eating. And they had a glass of wine to try and make themselves more dehydrated. And I was standing there eating a sandwich.

I did not. What? I did not do well. But all the men on it, they're like, oh, no, because you're not supposed to do steroids if you do the competition. I swear to God, there wasn't a ball between them. Because you're not allowed. It has to be no balls. You could just look at their pants and be like, you're obviously on steroids.

Look at the size of you. They're all on it. They're all on it. Everyone's on it. Not your little friend, Jeremy. Cute little name. No. I know Jeremy Allen White.

I know. Anyway, that was, you know, the talk of the town. It was just every single bulge and bicep. It's like, and then he has this really aloof face. He just looks like a man who'd never call you back, which of course adds to it all. Well, I like, I have to say, and I've always gone. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. He's got Paul Maskell running off in the park vibes and that's what's hot about it. Yeah, who wouldn't really give a shit about you. I agree. Who wouldn't give a shit about you i agree wouldn't give a shit i know it just wouldn't work out for me because i was talking to somebody about barry kogan recently um a girl we know gabby who really fancies him and i was like i kind of fancy him too in a weird way but then i was like but imagine the angle he'd have if he was looking at

you like he'd be down there looking up and there's no worse angle I couldn't live a life like that he's a small man are we gonna do the golden globes now or oh we can do the golden globes I can't well do you know who I loved at the golden globes I loved Selena Gomez no Cillian Murphy yes Cillian Murphy I love

that he like literally he just he kind of just glides in it's like he's some kind of ghost he glides around and you know that he couldn't be fucking arsed being there and he's just

and also did you see how similar him and Kylie Jenner look never noticed it before and now I will never unsee it get the picture up I've also been told

I look like Cillian Murphy. Not too far off, Cillian Murphy. Oh, God. And a touch of Kylie Jenner today, Joanna Blond. A touch of Kylie Jenner to me. I went to the gym yesterday, but thank you so much. You can really see the difference. Thank you.

I just kind of walked around and patted things. And then I looked at the machine I went to the weights I said good for you Well done for getting yourself there That's all That's all you need to do The gym's too full in January as well

I don't like those Tiger honours You gotta You gotta make space For people in the gym as well I think that When new people start Gym goers can be mean

To the new people And I don't like that They can No it's not nice You have to be You have to Anyone is entitled To go anywhere they fucking want

Golden Globes I told you who my favourites were I know who your favourites were Because I watch your Instagram Like television So Golden Globes Your man

So okay Do you know when you're like You have an angle on something You're like am I fucking deranged So Joe Coy Was the host Right

So he's a stand up comic Wildly successful Like sells arenas Probably making Fucking 30 million a year Like he's Wildly successful Does he

Yes He's huge I'm never I'm sure I only got on To Kevin Bridges recently So you know me I know He was

Folks like Have you heard of Kevin Bridges He's gas And I was like Kevin Bridges recently So you know me I know He was Folks like Have you heard of Kevin Bridges He's gas And I was like Kevin Bridges Who sells out arenas and all Yeah Only just heard of him

Kevin Bridges and me share Rick is an agent to me And Kevin Bridges This is why I can't get a Fucking look I can't get a fucking look In with Rick I'm like Rick

Hello Rick's like don't care Kevin Bridges Kevin Bridges Kevin Bridges I rang in June 2021 And I got a call back Sorry babe I'm in Dubai with Kevin Bridges Kevin Bridges Kevin Bridges I rang in June 2021 And I got a call back Sorry babe

I'm in Dubai With Kevin Bridges Of course you fucking are I'm like Oh my I'm like Just marry him Just marry him

He's very funny I would possibly Marry him myself But he's already married And so am I I'm like I just Honestly

I just I wait for the day For Kevin to retire So I can literally Speak to my agent That would be great Before I just, honestly, I just, I wait for the day for Kevin to retire so I can literally speak to my agent. That'd be great. Before I got into comedy, before I had any interest

in comedy, before I hadn't been to a stand-up show, nothing. And I used to watch videos of Kevin Bridges on YouTube. I just fucking loved him. I thought he was so funny.

But he was really young. Like, he got big very young. But he's so sweet. He basically bought this suit to wear. I think I saw him first. He did Live with the Apollo. Yeah. And the suit, it was too big for him and it was like when your parents buy you a suit that

you're gonna grow into yeah it was like it was like there was like a train on it it was like dragging along the ground the arms were too long and all he was but I remember doing a gig in Ballon before and the promoter he was there Kevin came up in conversation And he was like Oh he flew through Like he just flew through the club circuit Like so quickly Yeah

And I was kind of hoping to do the same So I was like I won't be seeing you again And I was like How did you do that? And he said Oh he was just It was an undeniable talent

Yeah That he just got He just got pulled into the TV scene And everything And arenas But yeah he's really young Anyway He doesn't laugh

At his own jokes either Which I find fascinating God how does he control himself I'm fucking I know You don't laugh at your own jokes Ah Last time

I was definitely Enjoying myself Shh Joanne I'm trying to make you sound cool. There's some stuff that you'll say for the first time on stage. You're like,

that's gas now. Hold on. Joanne just walked by Emily Maitlis. You know her from The News Agent. She does a different podcast and she interviewed Prince Andrew. I do know her from the News Agent she does a different podcast and she she interviewed Prince Andrew

I do know her well yeah she's really sound I think we'd like to go on the piss with her to be honest I've seen her I've seen her do a lot of

very interesting interviews I like her I like her jib high end and funny was ripping the piss

out of Spenny one day I really appreciate it because everything was on the nose things I wouldn't even say actually Neil just texted me how random is this

fantastic boarding very stylish this is the man who had an absolute nervous breakdown when I wanted to learn how to snowboard he was like

no you're only a ski. Like he was obsessed with it. Now you're telling me I'm fantastic and very stylish. Thank you, Neil Wilson. I think it's really sweet that he cares so much about you. I hope this isn't a controversial thing to say because you're not biologically his kids. As an adopted person, I probably shouldn't be surprised by that.

Joanne, I can't. I just think it's so nice That Neil Gives a shit about you When you're not his I have asked him Numerous times Because I actually think He must have a screw loose

He took us on board Three kids And we were all Absolute shitebags Couldn't believe it Yeah I remember one time And now he cares

Like now he doesn't want you To die on the slopes I think that's so beautiful He doesn't want me To die anymore It's really We've really progressed Our relationship You have

Like I don't think My mum would care that much And she I've been with her Since I was three months old I think Neil would care more But I've just thought Of something

Neil pretends He doesn't have a Burner account on Instagram And I know he does And now he's after telling me He's seen me snowboarding And I didn't text anyone The video Oh The cat is out of the bag Yeah Now you little snake Instagram and I know he does and now he's after telling me he's seen me snowboarding and I didn't text anyone the video.

The cat is out of the bag. The cat is out of the bag. Speaking of burner accounts did you see Julianne Moore completely outed Andrew Scott for having a burner? Like obviously he has a burner. He's a super famous person but she tagged his like fake burner account

Oh God. Some photo of the Golden Globes. I know. We god Some photo Of the Golden Globes I know We have to talk About the Golden Globes I know Sorry Go back

Because we Went off And then we Okay go on Go back to your man The comedian So Joe Coy Was hosting the Golden Globes

And the general Narrative was that He bombed He died And he shit He's a terrible person Awful comic Blah blah blah

And ultimately Obviously As a stand up And Vogue No more than yourself As a And he died And he's shit And he's a terrible person An awful comic Blah blah blah And ultimately Obviously As a stand up And Vogue No more than yourself As a comedian Yeah Yeah

I understand what you mean Of course You've opinions That is a thankless job It is the worst job And the only That room Are

Why would he do it though They're A-list Because he's nothing to really Well I'd say he I'd say he thought I've nothing to lose Because he's nothing to really Well I'd say he I'd say he thought I've nothing to lose Because he's not a household name As big as he is

In his scene He's not a household name No I didn't know He got the gig Ten days ago Award ceremonies Are notoriously lame Notoriously embarrassing

Notoriously difficult If Ricky Gervais Tina Fey The audience know them They kind of respect them They didn't know him They don't respect Tina Fey, the audience know them, they kind of respect them. They didn't know him. They don't respect him. Yeah, but the audience, I think, and you've taught me that.

I just think that the audience. Wankers. Yeah. Like sitting there with snarls on their faces. That's somebody up there trying to do a job and trying to perform. The least you can do is give a pity laugh or something or look like you're enjoying it. An A-lister audience. And Joe Coy

They don't know him No one knows him He's not a household name So they have all The power in that room He is an underdog He is an unknown He's nervous

He got the gig Ten days ago He hasn't written All the gags He's trying to figure out How to do it Be fucking sound To him

And then So the Taylor Swift thing Obviously she was Did a really shit response to a really innocuous joke he did about the nfl basically i thought that joke was kind of funny as well by the way out of all the jokes he did that was probably the least offensive and funny it's obvious it's low-hanging fruit it's whatever you know the nfl thing has been going on for ages he basically said oh the only difference between the NFL And the Golden Globes Is there's less

Camera shots of Taylor Swift At the Golden Globes Yeah Grant Like everyone knows Taylor's like Overly saturated on the cameras in the NFL It was a stupid It was like

It was nothing It was nothing No And she took her glass And sipped it And it was Honestly It was just

I was like you are Because people are like Oh it's misogyny It's not misogyny She's not just the Most powerful woman In that room She's the most powerful

Person in that room Bar Mousetrap Honestly she is So she sets the tone For that stuff So I was like I don't even think It was an offensive joke though

Of course it wasn't But she was bored by it And that's fine But that's That's That's Award show jokes This isn't a fucking

Netflix special It's just a bit of shite At the start You gotta not I do like Ricky Gervais When he does those award shows Because he like He literally couldn't

Give a shite about The A-listers I'd say your man Got a little bit nervous Seeing those faces Around the room Of course he did Yeah of course he would

But you know why He lost his bottle as well Because So I always say These Like shows are kind of collaborative Like If you go out there

The audience have a part to play You know what I mean Or else the kind of Everything just falls apart They have to Be Invested in some way They have to be willing to laugh

Or willing to have a good time And I just thought it was really Cruel The Barbie joke about The fucking doll with the tits Shit joke But I've seen Joe's stand up

I don't imagine He wrote that himself It wasn't a great joke It doesn't matter It's live It's very public It's going across the world Like

Don't be mean Don't be mean to him I felt it was a bit I felt it was cruel I did I felt it was cruel And I agree with you And I think it's nice To be nice to people It's nice was a bit I felt it was cruel I did I felt it was cruel And I agree with you And I think it's nice

To be nice to people It's nice to be nice And I'm still a Taylor fan And when I go to Joanne's shows I'll always laugh along Even when I don't find it funny Exactly And I know you do

And I respect that And I appreciate it You are funny Would you do the golden gloves? I think you'd be really good at that I don't think you care About famous people I said the other day

I said I'd rather Gargle bleach Oh Than house Something like that Because you're like Oh this will be a break I'll get the

Like It's not It's a poisoned chalice Even Tina Fey Apparently is like I'm not doing it again Ali Wong was offered it She was like

I'm not doing it Kevin Hart was offered it He's like I'm not doing it Joe Coy was like Obviously went If this is an opportunity I'm not a household Joe Coy was like Obviously went If this is an opportunity I'm not a household name

In those circles Let's give it a go And in fairness He did a really nice article After an interview Where he was like Look I know people Are disappointed

But he's like But look I'm proud Of what I did And it was you know Last minute booking And all the rest of it I think I'd force you To do it if you got offered that

I'd have to have you do it Because then I could go I could sit beside Timothée Talaim beside Timothée Tramé Timothée Tramé the only thing I think the thing that the thing that I do

think Joe Joe left let himself down a little bit about was he basically kind of let them know he was struggling down

because he was like oh look you know he knew he was kind of dying he didn't say it did he he did oh no what did he say

I know He said like Oh this isn't my fault I was only booked recently It's not going to be A perfect monologue I know But like

But I've I've been that person I know exactly When you're That's And that man is a professional Who plays arena So imagine how

Worn down he felt On that stage To actually crack and say that Tell us when you died On your hole I can't remember I've never I've seen your show So many times that Tell us when you died On your hole I can't remember I've never I've seen your show

So many times I've never seen you Die on your hole Ever Peterborough Oh She remembers How bad was it?

This shit does not leave you What happened to Peterborough? My dying words Will be Peterborough As I got lowered Into the ground I'll say Peterborough How long were you on stage? Peterborough Well I got lowered into the ground I'll say Peterborough

How long were you on stage? Well that's a great question Vogue I was booked to do 25 And I did guess how many? 10 7 7's still a long time to be up there If you feel like you're dying on your holes

So at least you tried So pre-lockdown I was booked to do Like club gigs And that kind of jazz And then During lockdown I Had done podcasts

And suddenly I was being booked To do bigger rooms So Rick My agent Well Kevin's agent Who kind of takes on those Said to me

He was like Look You know You don't have to do Like these kind of Smarter club gigs That were booked in Before Said to me He was like Look You know You don't have to do Like these kind of Smarter club gigs That were booked in Before the podcast

Stuff happened You know You don't have to do them anymore You can like You can leave them now If you want Yeah And I was like

No no no no I'll do every gig I'll do everything Like you know Cutting my teeth I'll do whatever I'm not too big to do anything I'll do it

I'll do it all And eh Because it was a real Kind of point of pride Yeah That I was saying like I'm not too big to do anything I'll do it I'll do it all And it Because it was a real Kind of point of pride Yeah That I was saying like I'm a proper stand up Like I'll do fucking anything

Yeah I'll survive anything I can do anything As in put myself Through anything And it So I got the train Down to Peterborough

And when I say It was Not just the worst gig Of my life The worst day of my life I would say And we'll throw in Both our father's deaths Into that bracket It was Not just the worst Gig of my life The worst day of my life I would say And we'll throw in Both our father's deaths

Into that bracket It was I've never felt Such hostility I went in It was like Kind of one of these Kind of leisure centres

Like kind of like A workman's club vibe In a leisure centre In Peterborough Where do you know Like someone's getting Married upstairs I mean that doesn't sound great

I have to be honest There's a comedy club Downstairs And there's like a Like a fucking You know Games room And like you know One of these kind of

All inclusive Like British Empire Leisure centres With the comedy Blah blah blah And I was Booked to do 20 or 25

I can't remember And I went up on stage And whatever happened I don't know what it was It's You can never quite Figure it out yourself They They didn't know What to make of me I don't know what it was. You can never quite figure it out yourself. They didn't know what to make of me.

I didn't know what to make of them. It just, it was a proper, proper death. What made you walk off? The silence to the material. They didn't laugh once. Oh, they not only didn't laugh They turned their back On me

Oh That's That is shocking Do you know what I just didn't read the room I didn't read the room The right way There's a way of reading a room

My second joke I kind of tried to talk To this guy In the fun row His wife did not like that Oh stop Yeah Yeah So that kind of started Okay well that's not Really your fault then In the fun row His wife did not like that Oh stop Yeah Yeah

So that kind of started Okay well that's not Really your fault then If people were starting By having their back And stuff like that That's rude I'm not trying to

Fucking bang your husband Would you Anyway So that's what started it And then this This table of women They turned their Backs on me

My parting words were Well that's it I said I'll leave you there Because I was like Go I was like I'm not putting myself

I was like I'm not putting myself Through this I'm not putting you Through this Like some promoters Would insist that you stay And do the length of time

That you're booked for Regardless of whether You're dying or not But I was like I'm not doing that Because the promoter Wasn't there I was like I don't doing that Because the commando wasn't there I was like I don't care

So I was like Look that's it I'm going to leave you there Put the mic back in the stand Like when I mean silence I mean It was like a funeral They do have the biggest

B&Q in the UK Though That's where I did the gig Obviously I'm a huge Kevin fan and I wish I wish no ill will on him I think he's made his money

and I think he needs to move aside that's fair enough I think there's a few people that would say that about you too touche Vogue touche

I see she's had her fun Get rid of her The snowy helps Have alerted you Your brain is on fire today I thought of you On the slopes

The other day Spencer Had his airpods Because he was meant to do A meeting up there At 11 o'clock in the morning He went to get them Out of his pocket

Realised he dropped them And he went to look at Find My and one was in one part. The case was in one part, one headphone was in one part and the left was in the other and he was like, that's it, they're just forever gone. Lost the snow. Were they

in the slopes? In the slopes, yeah. In three different places. He'd obviously been getting stuff out of his pockets on the ski lift and dropped each, but just littering bits of air pod everywhere if I was an air pod that's a great way to go I would say

yeah in fairness like come on I wouldn't like to go the Joanne route because you'd literally just end up in a pocket forever more

but like well the Joanne route means that Joanne will fucking find you through her find my app and Joanne will come and rescue you Joanne that happened once

out of like four sets of headphones okay you're not having enough I went for lunch with my friend Nora who has To refine my app And Joanne I'm going to rescue you Joanne that happened once Out of like four sets of headphones Okay You're not having that I went for lunch With my friend Nora Who has She's like diagnosed ADHD

And like I don't have ADHD But like you know I'm a bit chaotic And You'd want to see the day She lost her car keys twice I lost my phone

I lost my car keys It was a fucking It was carnage I feel stressed When I see you lose stuff. I'm like, there's so much stuff gone. We didn't talk about Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner.

I think he is a, he's not her usual type. And I think they seem quite sweet. And I heard he was good in Wonka. Are they going to stay together forever? He said to her,'re amazing I love you and she said

I like your necklace and I'm really into I'm really and then he said I really care about you so it's all about these lip readers. I absolutely

love the gossip that they're getting us. Did you see that one of Emily Blunt at the Golden Globes actually not the Golden Globes the Governor's Ball the Golden Globes, the Governor's Ball, where they said that her husband basically said to her,

I want to get a divorce. But he either said that or he said, I want to go inside. Indoors, yeah. I mean... I want to go indoors, I want to get a divorce. It's very hit and miss. Did you see Prince Charles at his coronation and he was giving out about his family always being late

and then he was caught saying this is so boring. Do you know that so like in fairness he's told he's told no lies there. Yeah. So apparently the lip reading thing

is like fully you can use it in court now it's like yeah it's 100% admissible in

admissible in UK courts. It's wild. So an expert lip reader was able to take surveillance footage of two inmates talking in a cell and read their lips to essentially listen in on a conversation about escaping prison. And they were able to foil their plots and found out they had begun creating blueprints of the prison. So lip readers can be right a lot of the time. I'd cover my mouth When I speak

In public places Me too Imagine what Would be seen With me And this gob Like It's cash

From space Yeah A tongue The size of a car There was The Selena Gomez And Taylor Swift Kind of lip reading

Buzz And I'm like Speaking of them You actually don't know Because Selena got that of a car there was the Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift kind of lip reading buzz and I'm like speaking of them you actually don't know because Selena got that with Hayley Bieber and I just think I don't know

it's like the press like to make things that aren't really there but anyway I'm enjoying the Timothée and Kylie Jenner situationship at the moment

and I like that she's gone for someone not her usual type because let's be honest the first guy she was with he wasn't great Did you hear about the planes that the door fell off?

Oh in Alaska I don't like reading stuff like that Alaska Airlines No The door fell off They were like

sorry the plug fell out Excuse me? I'm plugged into an airplane are you fucking joking me? You know when you see people lurking around the plane door sometimes in a long haul and like they're pretending they want

to stretch their legs but I'm always like you've been there too long now around that door I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. You're about to pull the plug out. We're pretty screwed if you pull the plug up here because you ain't coming back down from that. Are we flying a bat through space? What's fucking happening here?

A fucking plug. I was like, I assumed I was bolted in. Plugged in. I just, I'd rather not know, I don't think. I was really happy when I landed today because I was like, great, I don't have to go anywhere for ages. But then I realised I'm going to Dublin tomorrow

where I have to get back on a plane. And as you've seen me on the plane, you particularly, Jo, I don't like flying. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. And then there's that movie on Netflix that's like gone to number one about this mad plane crash.

And I just, it seems, I can't, I didn't watch it. It's been a while to watch it. There's too much plane crashy shit going around. And especially now That you know You're

You're kind of just Plugged in Like it's You're just plugged in It's like It's a little casual It's not just a little It's a little casual

To think I'm Plugged in to this guy No No Alaskan Airlines Wouldn't be the top Of my airline list It's a Boeing plane

It doesn't matter These airlines buy planes It's a Boeing plane Alaska Airlines Did not build that plane I want a padlock Something with a Fucking combination code

Something There isn't even that On all the big planes Honestly A plug Keep an eye on those lurkers Around the doors You just never know

Why not use a bit of Pritt stick And be done with it Might work A bit of paper mache Possibly Did I tell you I follow an Instagram account

that's all crime scene cleanups oh do you want I know I know I'm sorry I don't know I don't know why I do these things

please don't pull those faces stop I can't I can't even watch the news and you're watching crime scene cleanups what is it now I want to see it

I don't want to see it no it's I guess I have I have. I don't want to see it. No. I guess I have a morbid curiosity about things and anything that says, like we've discussed this before about any videos that say sensitive content. Don't watch. Yeah. I mean, I've never clicked in anything faster.

I mean, who doesn't click on it is what I want to know. I actually did this thing on AI recently for the Spencer and Vogue pod and we figured out what age we'd be when we died and as long as you don't murder me along the way, which is a possibility. It is a possibility.

Future is in. Never know. Yeah, let's be adult about it. That is it. There is a chance that will happen. Let's be honest. We're being mature. We're being mature. We're being authentic. If you don't murder me, AI said I'm going to live till I'm 102.

Are you so happy for me? You're not going to make it to 102. I'm sorry. No, you're not. I've seen the way you scoot through town and traffic with no helmet. Like you're fucking Lewis Hamilton.

You are definitely not going to make it to 101. Saz. Saz. Okay, well, I might as well bring the bike back out then because that's when I thought I was going to die. At 101. Saz. Saz. Okay, well, I might as well bring the bike back out then because that's when I thought I was going to die. At least I'm on the pavement.

Did you see Esther Ransom's joint Dignitas? Did you see that? It's like Soho Farmhouse, but for death. I just feel like... It's a high end. It's an exclusive high end members club, but you don't come out of it. That's it.

It's like the Groucho club But you die What do you have to pay To be a member of Dignitas And like what does it entail Are you paying for the death Or are you just paying For like Reserving a spot

Well firstly you pay With your life What the financial details are I'm not entirely sure Maybe I'm sure I'm sure there is a fee But like ultimately

What do you mean you're sure there's a fee It's really expensive to go there Is it It's a half joining fee 220 Swiss francs What 71 quid Or 81 euros

71 quid To end your life with dignity I have never heard a better deal That is insane Well Joanne That's just for your joining fee Then you have to pay for your room And I'm sure that they have like room levels.

You're never going to go for the lowest room level. You're going to be like, no, I want to go out like... Sorry, Vogue, you do realize you're putting a pod and you blow yourself up. You do know that, don't you? Joanne, you go into a room and you talk to your friends and then they sit there with you and you say, I'm ready. And then they give you an injection and you fall asleep. Sorry, I'm ahead of my time.

I'm thinking about the pods because they don't want anyone to, there's all this legal complication around having someone take your life for you. So they've built these pods now in Switzerland, as far as I'm aware, that basically you go into these little pods and it's, you can't, I don't know,

you probably get a free table around or something and then you press the button and so you end your own life rather than having pods and it's you can't I don't know you probably get a free table around or something and then you you press the button and so you end your own life rather than having someone do it for you oh my god

I am watching a show at the moment is that true Jo you're nodding I feel like she's made that up it's true I don't think the table around is included

that was a stretch but I do believe the rest of it is authentically true yeah they're like oh here's your bowl of Alpen bye

some Swiss merch before you go oh if it is authentically true. Yeah. They're like, oh, here's your bowl of Alpen. Bye. Some Swiss merch before you go. Oh. I think, though, I think they're, I think they're thinking about legalizing it in the UK

because, like, after you do that, you have to, I feel like in death you have to be considerate. Like, you've got to sort out all your stuff. One of my aunties, right,

she was like to me, that's yours. And I was like, what? She's like, that's yours. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, when I die, that's yours. I was like what she's like that's yours and I was like what do you mean she's like when I die that's yours

it's in my will she has literally given away all of her possessions in her will but imagine all the shit that you own like oh here you can have that you can have that

I'm gonna have to do that or Amber will just take everything it'll be like a free-for-all for her there'll be nothing left for my kids I told you at Christmas I was saying to my mum

I was like you want to get this place sorted out like it's not fair to leave this to me and Conor there's shit everywhere I think that's I think that's kind of do you know what

do you know what weirdly enough right today I was going through we have a big pile of stuff from my attic in the old house and I was like what I need to go through that

that's why I came home early I was like I'm going to go through it so it's done and I was going through it and there was all this stuff that I'd taken from my dad's house okay and like loads of it is like candelabras and like these weird gold chalices and I was going through it and there was all this stuff that I'd taken from my dad's house okay and like loads of it is like candelabras and like these weird gold chalices and I was like I have

dragged them around for 12 years and like they don't mean anything to me and I threw them out but what am I gonna do with them I kept his sports coats I kept his deck shoes I don't I a candelabra and my dad don't really go together I think they were more my mum's when she lived there and I was like I can't keep dragging them around from house to house

he probably took them in the divorce out of revenge to piss Sandra off yeah yeah but at the end of the day you did throw out

your dead father's candelabras there's no getting away from that they have not gone in the bin yet I'm going to send them to your house because I think they'd look fantastic over there

you can have the gold chalice. Well, I, unlike you, respect your father. So yes, I would love to hold some memory of him in my family home. Yeah, because that's the kind, sound thing to do. You don't keep family momentums because they're cool. Do you know what I mean?

You keep them because that's like your father's ashes. You're like, oh, they're kind of clogging up the place. Fuck it. Get rid of them yeah but they're there to be sprinkled ashes you can't just keep ashes

lying around sprinkle them you're like that urn is in bits it fits in with nothing get rid of it get rid of it it doesn't fit in with the room

yeah it doesn't fit in with the room I had a nice idea I had a nice idea if you get if you get cremated right you get a big bucket and you put yourself in the bucket

and then when someone else goes that you like you can say you can get in my bucket with me when you when you go and then you've got a bucket a bucket full of people and you're all having a put a i don't know an ash party just chilling together like rubbing each other up an ash party you can come in my bucket if you want Joanne Jo you cannot I'm getting stuffed I don't know what you're on about I'm getting stuffed and sat up in a perfect position

in a pink jumpsuit with a mic in my hand for the rest of my fucking life that's it I'll be in someone's hallway can't wait she's going to be like Stalin that just lies there

and gets his skin retouched every so often and I have one of those buttons, you know the dolls that have a little button and they say something. Oh, yeah. They'll be like, space jeans, something.

It'll be like, I'll have like a little kind of something to say. That's your catchphrase. That's your catchphrase. Yeah. One for the pig in the ditch. So when you squeeze my belly,

I'll go, one for the pig in the ditch and then that'll be the end of it. Or you pull strings on my back and I'll say certain things. You'll just move your hands like that. Do that dance that you do

I want to be stuffed too I've changed my mind No it's too late now No I'm going to be stuffed And I'm going to be standing there I don't know what I'll be doing I'll be working out obviously I'll be down in the gym

You'll see me in the gym Lift and weight Stuffed in the gym lift and weight stuffed I've been off the booze for five days as she takes this weight I'm just

I'm drinking I'm having a little glass of champagne there I have to say I'm quite jealous I'm on the road back from New York

this morning with a bottle of champagne and I said dry January has gone on long enough. I've been asleep for eight hours. Let's go. Vogue, tell us why are you some would say dressed up like a dog's dinner. I would say looking great. Thank you very much for that backhanded compliment.

I'm absolutely furious that you look like you borrowed the Grinch's dressing gown and because I know we won't be able to use this video when I'm looking so well Alan has owns a floor length brown dressing gown with a hood which honestly it's

offensive why do you keep wearing it because if I'm wearing Which honestly, it is offensive. Why do you keep wearing it? Because if I'm wearing it, he can't. Honestly, that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to keep it out of his way. Good for Tan. Good for Tan.

Goes to 20. I often wonder, what's worse, this or his hair straightener? And honestly, I don't know. But for the moment, I'll just keep this busy on my body so he cannot put it on Spenny has Spenny came downstairs the other day right when we were skiing

and we'd had an argument and he came down and he'd he'd shaved a tash in and I was literally looking at him and I was like is he joking me

and I have never it made the argument worse because I was so repulsed by him at the same time as being aww it was honestly it was one of the worst looking things and then I was so repulsed by him at the same time as being it was honestly it was one of the worst

looking things and then I was like I am not riding you until you get rid of that tash I couldn't I have to

and fair enough and that is your right but I have to say I do love a little twiggly moustache was it a kind of Movember vibe was it like a

Penny Farthing kind of buzz it's still there if you want to check him out you're more than welcome to him. I will happily hand him over. You're going to be back

on Sunday in London so he's all yours. Anyway, I'm here. I'm hosting. Yes, tell us. So they're having a get together for a show in Ireland called Last One Laughing Ireland.

It's very funny. It's with all these Irish comedians and the premise is they have to try and make each other laugh and whoever laughs is out. It's really good. But the host of the show is Graham Norton.

And I, he is one of my, I would say, idols. Oh, stop. I know. I swear, I'd marry him. I'd marry him even when he's gay, if he'd have me. I'd love to spend the rest of my days with Graham in his house in Ireland and London. He's a nice place in London. I'd happily. And South Africa and New Zealand. Graham in his house in Ireland and London. He's a nice place in London. I'd happily. And South Africa and New Zealand. Graham has a house in every port. So I would

like to spend the rest of my days growing old with Graham and I will put him in the bucket with me at the end of it all. Graham Norton and you, I see that for you. If I were you, you've got the money. I'd throw him into a conversion center and see, do work not a bad idea you've got the cash you've got the cash one for the road one for the road one conversion for the road turn him straight

and live a gorgeous life with him but what I'm saying is I don't even care if he's not straight I would he can go and do whatever he wants I know

I just mean it might be nicer for him if he's into you do you know what I mean I don't know anyway look we don't need to get bogged down in the details

okay so you're going to ride Graham perfect so yeah now I haven't yet to meet him but I walked by him on the carpet there and I'm so I'm really nervous because you're going to ride Graham perfect so yeah now I haven't yet to meet him but I walked by him on the carpet there and I'm so

I'm really nervous because like I have to ask Graham Norton questions who am I to ask Graham Norton questions what if I mess up the words will you ask him

why he never went to my Edinburgh show in 2019 ask him that that'll be the first question when he's gone away to see all the other Irish comedians

will I get a bit aggressive will I get a bit aggressive with him not sight nor sound did I see he didn't cross the door of mine I'll ask him why we haven't been invited on the show as well will I get a bit aggressive will I get a bit aggressive with him not sight nor sound did I see he didn't cross the door of mine I'll ask him why

we haven't been invited on the show as well will I throw that in but I just get really aggressive with him on stage and then throw a water at him

and ask him why he never came to my Edinburgh show in 2018 when he was going to everyone's Edinburgh shows he couldn't get into one you were packed out could he not

I've got to be honest with you I don't give a shit what Graham thinks of you once he likes me I don't care and if he wants to bitch about you I'm going to bitch my fucking hole off

about you no do me honestly though all jokes aside do do me a favour and ask him why he didn't come to my comedy show in Edinburgh 2021

when he was going to everyone else's show before we go I just need to add So I was going to do Six Weeks in America And I'm not new

So I'm thrilled Joanne That was too much It was too much You just stopped Yeah So I booked this Six Week American Tour

Because I Because I work for myself I feel like if you say no To anything You're just going to Drop dead and die So like I have to just Say yes to everything I was like I just can't do Six Week're just going to drop dead and die so like I have to just say yes

to everything I just can't do six weeks I just I physically just don't have it in me I need to fucking hide it for a while you'll be so lonely very lonely

although I don't know if that really bothers me anymore but anyway it probably would six weeks would be hard anyway so I've pulled all the kind of

like Dallas, Houston all the places I wanted to go Denver those cities and I'm going to redo them in autumn and I've kept I'm going to go out

and do Chicago and Philadelphia and then I'm going to come home for four weeks and then I'm going to go back out and do San Francisco and LA

and that's all I'm doing for now just in case I die do you know what I hate when people say one of my ics is if someone says Chicago

oh god I can't bear it. If people say Chicago. I've never heard that. Like Alzo, because Alzo went to an American school. He says Antigua. I'm like, what? Oh, that's very smug.

Oh God. You're not coming to Antigua again with me. I'll tell you that much for nothing. You're like, what a snob. As she sits in her hammock In Antigua That's it for this week And just before we go We would just like to say

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