My Therapist Ghosted Me - I feel dirty…

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

This week, it all escalates VERY quickly, it moves on from Shrove Tuesday and Valentines chat, to a story that you'll wish Joanne never told you. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes To Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Hello, I'm Joanne McNally. And I'm Vogue Williams. And he is Joe Attawell We still haven't established how to pronounce his surname But it's too late to ask him now Now you're close enough

That's close enough you know Is it? Attawell Yeah Can I be honest? I think the fact that we know his second name is enough Because I I have a business partner

We're very busy Jo Oh look Hashtag honoured 100% I have a business partner. We're very busy, Jen. Oh, look. Hashtag honoured. 100%. I have a business partner in Bare by Vogue. And I was looking to get Bare by Vogue in Dunn's at one point. And I was talking to one of the owners of Dunn's. Because I bumped into her on holiday.

And she was like, what's his second name? And I was like, Jesus Christ. I had him on my phone. It was Ciarán Tan. And I never knew his second name. And it was only when she asked me, I was like, yeah, I don't know that actually now. I had him on my phone. It was Ciarán Tan and I never knew his second name. And it was only when she asked me, I was like, yeah, I don't know that actually now.

I actually don't know. I was the same. I had a therapist in as Rachel Mental because she looked after my mental health. And then I was trying to rev her money and I was like, I've been with her for years.

And I was like, I'm terribly sorry, Rachel Mental. What is your surname? I have a friend. One of my closest friends is called Susan O'Halloran or Susan O'Hanlon. I've no idea. I've known her years and years and years. I actually said to her, I was like, this year is the year.

I said, happy new year. Just tell me your surname once and for all. And I'll change it in my phone. I think I put it in my phone wrong. I met her when I came to London. Anyway, still don't know her surname. Doesn't matter. You can't let names get in the way of a good connection

no and not surnames surnames don't even count practically Gigi doesn't even know what her surname is and nor should she I mean she's got about 12 yeah I actually have three surnames I do and like I go into places particularly the women's wellness center I used to go in there to get my like um pregnancy scans and stuff and obviously I was feeling very, particularly the Women's Wellness Centre. I used to go in there to get my pregnancy scans and stuff. And obviously I was feeling very part of the Matthews family at that point. So I put my name down as Vogue Matthews, but I never use Vogue Matthews anywhere. So I go in and I'm like Vogue Williams. And they're like, no, I'm like, oh, Vogue Wilson?

They're like, no. I'm like, oh my God, Vogue Matthews? And they're like, yeah. Which is very surprising to me every time because I never use that name. Jane Smith, because you know you've got something going on. You're like, I don't want is very surprising to me every time because I never used that name Jane Smith because you know you've got something going on you're like

I don't want this traced back to me I don't want people to know I'm the monkey who brought syphilis to London do you remember when you and me

tried we booked a table well you booked a table in sushi sticks or stixie sushi or whatever it's called and we were there waiting for ages she's like

she's like Vogue Williams I booked earlier I literally just booked I literally just booked she's like I'm sorry you're not down and like Vogue Williams I booked earlier I literally just booked I literally just booked She's like I'm sorry You're not down And like Vogue's there

Going through the booking herself She goes Oh sorry Wilson Sorry Wilson She's got different identities That's the one

Anyway Yesterday was Pancake Tuesday And I actually For one I know it's such Shrove Tuesday For those of us Who aren't heathens

Go on Is it called Shrove Tuesday? Why? Why Shrove? What's a Shrove? Jesus was mad into who aren't heathens. Go on. Is it called Shrove Tuesday? Why? Why Shrove? What's a Shrove? Jesus was mad into pancakes. He was big into protein building, I believe, at the time. Shrove.

In fact. I think he had his ashes turned into a pancake. I don't know. I don't know the connection, but I know it's something religious. That sounds like a likely story actually, Joanne. So I would say that you definitely haven't pulled that out of your arse. He was nailed to a pancake something

the bread in the church looks like little baby pancakes it does actually little disco biscuits yeah so I had my pancake yesterday I like to have mine with just Nutella

loads of Nutella down the middle roll it up delicious and I wondered what are your pancake toppings I'm sorry I have to ask this question I know Joanne will probably want this cut out of the pod

but I'm actually genuinely interested. So I thought other people might be. Well, I don't, I didn't have any, I don't have any, I don't eat, I don't really, I'm not, I'm not sentimental. So I don't, I don't take a pancake basically. I don't mark the day. I don't believe in it. But if you were to mark the day, if you were to mark the day,

if you were at, if you're at a crepe place, what would you get in the crepe? I don't really know what the options are. Like, is it kind of like cereal? What would be your usual? Is it just like you could get lemon and sugar? You could get banana and Nutella? That's kind of as far as it goes, really, isn't it?

Is there anything else that can go in there? Someone suggested cinnamon. I thought, no, thanks. No, no, no. Come no come on that's too grown up you have to stick with like ice cream you can put cream in there maybe joe what are you gonna have mate i'm sorry it's sugar and lemon it's a boring one i'm really sorry well i'm nutella i don't think it's that boring joanne's joanne's the one that should be sorry to be honest she's nothing to add to this party I wouldn't be a big believer in pancake Tuesday now do you ever have those pancakes

okay there's this place and I've gone with James O'Neill and who's one of our friends it's Granger & Co and they have these ricotta pancakes and they put butter and maple syrup have you ever had them?

no they are life changing pancakes and I'm not even a big pancake girl I'm not a thrush girl I'm not a pancake girl and those pancakes are delicious

I don't know what what is the connection there just throwing thrush into the conversation because I once said that I'm not a thrush girl and you enjoyed it yeah

did I did you say you're not a thrush girl I never would have I never would have thought of you as a thrush girl to be fair it yeah did I did you say you're not a thrush girl I never would have I never would have thought of you as a thrush girl to be fair maybe a bit of hummus no

a hummus pancake that could be nice yeah bit of hummus for anyone who doesn't ever eat pancakes maybe some pasta she doesn't get it

does she do happy pancake Tuesday for those who celebrate we respect all religions here and food allergies. And happy Valentine's Day now which is today. We've got two in a row.

So like it's been a very busy week for the old days. Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate. What I will say I agree with you there because I only do Pancake Tuesday

and I only do Valentine's Day mainly for the kids because like who really like who really cares like Spenny woke up this morning obviously didn't know it was Valentine's Day and I was like happy Valentine's Day and he was like happy Valentine's Day and that was kind of it now I've hidden a little letter in his bag because he goes away today and I want him to feel incredibly guilty for the fact that he's left me nothing so I hid it I wrote it last night on the sly and I hid it in the bag so he'll think that there's nothing and then he'll read this really nice note and then he'll

feel terrible that he wrote me nothing. Highly manipulative. Congratulations. He's probably done the same thing. He's probably hidden something in the house as well. No, I don't think so now. I've sniffed around a bit. There's nothing there. Definitely not. Because otherwise if I found something I wouldn't have bothered with my own you know of course

do you know that on the on April 14th in Korea I'm taking a kind of an anti-Valentine's Day stance April 14th in Korea all the single people

they have like a single people awareness day and all the single people wear black and they eat black noodles so that everyone knows that they're single and so having some sort of depressive episode I guess at least you'd spot the other singles I think I think single people should wear specific outfits when they go on a night out so you know a hundred percent like like a little um like a little um

badge what did they could put a little bell on a hat or something a little bell on a hat ding ding ding that's hilarious like the way the lepers had to ring a bell going through towns

remember the lepers had to ring bells to let people know so they could all scatter and not touch them I think that sounds like good crack going out

apparently it's kind of like self care but it does sound like you're it just sounds like a city of unemployed mimes really just people in black

eating black noodles all day that's the thing apparently in is it I think it is Korea the 14th of it must be the 14th of every month

is something special to mark your relationship status so it's single people have a day married people have a day there's a hug day where people just hug each other

Korea's Korea knows that shit it's got it going have a day there's a hug day where people just hug each other Korea knows that shit it's got it going on I wouldn't like a hug day I wouldn't have to be going around hugging people I don't know I used to be really obsessed with Valentine's Day

but like to the point where I'd feel sorry for my dad because obviously when we were younger he tried to have a girlfriend we completely flipped out and he didn't try again so he was always single

and so I felt really bad for him and I'd be like come on dad let's go out and he'd probably be like why is he was always single. And so I felt really bad for him. And I'd be like, come on, dad, let's go out. And he'd probably be like, why is she making me go out on Valentine's Day? And every year I thought I thought I was being so nice bringing him out on Valentine's Day. And people were probably like, oh, God, he's disgusting going out with her. It's like Freddie's doing well for himself, isn he she's the spit of your daughter you sick bastard I'm not a big romance

person I find it uncomfortable but that's more on me than it is on romance yeah I do find it a bit awkward I find it a bit cringy and unnecessary Vantageous is for people kind of at the start

of a relationship or at the very end of a relationship but usually for the rest of us it's like oh you're just going to ride on a Wednesday and it's only Tuesday

or whatever do you know why at the end though why is it good for people at the end of a relationship because they're trying to breathe life back into themselves

so it's like really contrived romance they've spent 10 grand on therapy and the therapist is like you need to take start taking Valentine's Day seriously that's the rules for me I think I just think when you go out on Valentine's Day I just think that like you're you're not getting the best service this is my own experience from many Valentine's Day with my father you're not getting the best service the food isn't great the restaurant's absolutely rammed and you're just not getting the best out of the day.

I personally don't like it. Today's Valentine's Day has been interesting for me. Spenny and I, because he's going away today, I was like, oh, he's like, come and join my training session. And obviously I don't train like him. So like I don't see his trainer very often and I really like him as a person. So then I spend that time chatting a lot during the training session so Spenny was like he was quite happy

in the morning when we left and then as the day as the morning progressed in the training session he started going up a spice level so like I kind of

rate him as that like you'd get in a Thai food menu I'm like oh he's chili one or like he's three chilies he was three chilies by the end of it

because he got so pissed off at me we actually ended up having a big fight Where like he's three chillies. He was three chillies by the end of it. Because he got so pissed off at me. We actually ended up having a big fight. Wait, let me tell you what we were fighting about. We were fighting about whose Marks and Spencer content did better. And this turned into, it went from a funny banter fight into a full on fight. We fight about the most important stuff. And then he started telling me

that I was being mean to him. And I was like, but I'm not being mean. I didn't say anything except that my content was better and yours wasn't. And he started it. So we ended up having a big fight

in the gym about Marks & Spencer. The perils of content creation. This is why, Vogue, you get up too early there's too much you can go wrong if you're awake for that long if you got up at 12

you wouldn't have time to fight with him because you'd be behind on everything else I'm telling you bring some bedrock into your life your marriage will be

a much more peaceful place I don't fight with anyone I don't have time I'm only awake for 40 minutes I have the perfect Valentine's Day card for you and Spencer oh great okay go on

I've looked up some of what I believe to be the most honest Valentine's cards around and I'm going to use them in response to any kind of relationship issues we deal with today. Okay, your choice of two cards, both of these are real cards available to be purchased. One, you bring nothing but darkness and financial burden to my life. I think that has you and Spano written all over it

you to him wait who's who's okay I'm giving it to him okay you're giving it to him continue no you're giving it to him

continue or there's another one which is again a real Valentine's card which I think could work for you and Spano you make me as happy

as Donald Trump makes Melania I think that could work for you. Joe, you're still in the throes of love because you've just gotten married. Or was that years ago? How long is that? I've lost all my time.

No, he has a baby now. So like they're kind of going downhill. So he needs a medium card. Got it. I'll go back. I'll go back. I was going to give you a nice one, but I have a breast.

Back down the chart. This is for Josie, your wife. No, what's her name? Josie. That's her name. You know we're not big on names. This is for Josie, your wife. What's his baby's name?

This is for Mrs. Ashywell Mrs. Ashywell who's the mother of the Ashywell baby that's correct correct here's this is Josie's card to you love is like a balloon

just one prick is enough to deflate you for life there we go yeah that's a nice that's romantic to me that's not bad the one i'm sexual is it meant to be sexual i think it's a not prick as in like i think it's

kind of a double entendre as we'd say yeah okay cheeky yeah it's cheeky it's got a little pun there it could be genitals or personality based. I hate that word. You use that word quite often. We've never really figured out a fun term. Just your bits. Just say your bits. Your bits. Your bits.

What about for those who are truly in love? Oh, great question, Vogue. Thank you so much let me let me consult my notes there's probably no cards for that

because it doesn't exist come on oh yeah we have to move to the fantasy section of the Valentine's Day cards it's just sully and

what's your man what's the X-Files what are they what are they what are they what are they called Mulder and Scully Mulder and Scully

yeah everyone's just staring whimsically off into space because no one knows what to say now here's a card it's got Barry Keoghan's face on it

this is for people who are really in love and the card says I want to lick out your plug hell that's a so it this is for people who are really in love and the card says I want to lick out your plug hell that's a Sopran reference for anyone who hasn't watched it

that's nice yeah there's a Paul Mescal card floating around of course there is I promise to never run away from you because obviously

we know that Paul now is infamous for having one night stands at women and then taking us to park and then just running in the opposite direction in some sort of

strange panic which is a rumour that isn't true and it's really not very fair on Paul Mescal I think that's a good rumour to have about you I'm sorry

I'll always think that but you never see people sometimes you see people and you're like fuck I don't want to say hi to them and like there's nothing better when you know

that they're trying to do the same thing. So it's like, oh, who's calling me on my non-existent phone? And you just like pretend to be looking at something else. Like there's nothing better than ignoring someone. Although I did that one time and your man called me out. He met Amber because Amber and I did it together. And I thought it was a mutual ignore. I thought it was. And so Amber and I did it together and I thought it was a mutual ignore I thought it was

and so Amber and I ignored and he also ignored but then Amber met him on the piss one night and he was like you two bitches

and I was like hang on a second I thought it was the same thing yeah there's actually good here because it's never personal like sometimes you're just

I just don't have much left in the social battery here. I just would rather not engage. I was listening to, do you know John Ronson? I'm a big fan of his. He's,

do you know him? He did like the psychopath test and stuff, but he has an old radio show that I've been listening to recently. But he talked about one time, he has one of his really good friends. He saw him in the street and John saw him

at just at the wrong moment so the guy obviously decided I'm not gonna I'm gonna burn John and he hid behind a car he jumped in behind a car

and then John went over to him and was like what the fuck has got like lent your mom has lent down behind a car and John lent in

and was like what's going on here and your mom is mortified but John said he was really hurt by it. But then they were chatting about it on the show and he was like, it's not personal to you. You're one of my really good friends.

But I just didn't have the social head on me at the time. You know? That's fair enough. Now I have to be honest, I can imagine you like jumping in a skip to avoid Joe and I on the street. If we'd had a long record or something absolutely not

there's nothing worse than me on the way into the bonus I'm like I can't speak to you I'll save it for the pod I don't have that much more words though when you think about it right and I say that to people they're like oh how do you and John have things

I just got you John what Think about it, right? And I say that to people. They're like, oh, how do you and John have things? I just got to John. What? What's happening here? But like when people are like, how do you and Joanne have things to say to each other? I'm like, because we don't speak all week. But actually, like this is a long time to speak to anyone on a weekly basis. Like we speak to each other. We speak to each other for about two full hours a week.

Like that's enough. I know. Our private phone calls would usually involve private things. Anything that can be used for public chat. We cut each other off very quickly. How was your weekend? I'll tell you on the pod. Don't tell me that.

Yeah. How's your marriage? I'll tell you on the pod. Okay. How's your relationship going? I'll tell you in a pot. Don't tell me that. Yeah. How's your marriage? I'll tell you in the pot. Okay. How's your relationship going? I'll tell you in the pot. Okay, cool. How are your finances?

I heard you're gambling now. I'll tell you in the pot. That's kind of how it goes. Exactly. How's that diagnosis you got? Not great. I'll tell you in the pot. I'll tell you.

Most things are saved for the pot. Sorry, back to Valentine's Day I'm after just getting a message off one of T's one of the parents in school because I was leaving T's school because it was midterm

and the teacher goes there's a card in T's book bag that somebody put there and I was like oh god I haven't done any Valentine's cards I didn't realise

I usually find out parent things after after the fact because like I'm obviously learning. He's my firstborn. Anyway, so he has this little pal. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'll need more. You explain that more. I don't understand what you mean. There's a card in his bag. I don't get it. So for Valentine's Day, a child had put a card in T's, but the teacher had put it in the bag for tea

for Valentine's Day from one of the kids. From the teacher? No, from one of the children. She had written a card that the teacher then snuck into tea's book bag so he wouldn't know and then told me about it. So then I take it out on Valentine's Day and give it to tea. So I had forgotten to write any Valentine's Day cards.

And I was like, tea, who do you, like on the day that I got this, I was like, who do you want to write a that I got this I was like who do you want to write a valentine's day card he started listing off all these people and I was like how about we just start with two and see how we get on because he has to write these things and he's only started learning how to write so we're halfway through the first one when the tears start and he's sitting there bawling crying because I've made him write out happy valent Valentine's and he's like please I don't want to sign that. And he had a list of like eight people.

Oh gosh. We made it and one of the names is like an eight letter name and I was like oh Jesus I was like does she like to be called anything else? Nope. She only wants to be called the full name and I was like right we're going to have to do this and anyway he's crying halfway through the first card. We get through the first card I bribed

him with a donut to try and get through the second card we got through the second card and then we eventually just sent off two cards I was like we're not doing any more cards I can't listen to the crying about having to write the cards that he really wanted to write he's like I've given up on love I'm an incel now I couldn't be arse writing any of this shit I'm an early

incel would you not have just written it with your left hand and done him a favour my god no because I kind of treated it like homework I was like at least now he's done his handwriting but then I had to write

one for Gigi because she didn't get any and she opened it this morning and I was like who do you think that's from and she was like

Loretta it's her only little friend that she loves so much so she thought Loretta I was like yeah Loretta probably wrote that card for you I did you loser

no one sent you anything. Come here to me. I nearly sent you a Valentine's gift. A Galentine's, right? Listen to how bad I am. So there's a company. We've actually worked with them on the pod, Stripe and Stare. And they do this really cool send out where they send you already done post, like envelopes with,

what are they called? Stamps on them. So they're ready to go. And then they send these knickers. So you get to send all these knickers to your friends. And so there's three knickers and I packed them up, wrote the addresses down.

Off I went to the post office with tea and then she started handing me an import form. And I was like, oh God, no. And then I was like, how much is it to send? Yeah. How much was it to send a pair of knickers

how much is a per thing 320 and I was like to Ireland and I had to fill out an import thing so I just ripped the envelopes back open

and I popped them in my own knicker drawer so you're welcome happy valentines the thought was there but I didn't thank you thank you

thank you multi-millionaire Vogue Williams thank you thank you multi-millionaire Vogue Williams thank you so much thanks for the thought speaking of customs like I wasn't going to bring this up

but now that you've started the customs chat you know that uh oh what's happened fucking couch that I've been waiting for since 1993 I warned you

Joanne McNally I warned you she did so much how much I actually don't know send it back I was gonna send when they started sending me

the solicitor starts I don't know some customs dude was like here you need to send this form print this form I was like print and scan what is this medieval England

where is your docusign anyway off I went down to Ryman's fucking hell scan and print and all that shit I was like I'm sorry will I ring you on the landline

like how is this still a thing anyway comes back a grand sterling oh please no to get the thing out of customs that's 1200 euro Anyway, comes back a grand sterling. Oh, please. To get the thing out of customs.

That's €1,200. That's what you get for laughing at me for last week, what I got stung with. It's actually €1,300 sterling. No. I was rounding it down. Send it back. I'm like, off you go.

Back to Germany. To be honest, this form thing was enough for me to send it back. This is just an extra pound of hell now. No, I would send that back. There's no way in hell I would pay that. for me to send it back this is just an extra pain in the I would I would send that back there's no way in hell I would pay that you have to send it back please send it back I couldn't bear that now why I'm an Irish person I'm an Irish person why should I be a victim of Brexit I didn't even vote I'm like Pat mom the couch is doing a little a little u-turn to Dublin. Jo, genitals or bits, which would you prefer?

You prefer genitals because you're a creepo. How would you prefer for us to emasculate you, Jo? What term would you prefer? Our little eunuch. Our little action man he's just Ken have you ever heard about the museum of broken relationships no should I attend

well it's less people focused and it's more product focused okay so it's a museum I think it's in Croatia where they've collected

from all around the world stuff people have donated stuff that their ex-partners have left in their house when they broke up or stuff they've stolen from in their house when they broke up or

stuff they've stolen from their partner's houses when they broke up. I know. So it's basically, I was laughing because I was looking and I was like, what's in it? It's just going to be fucking packets of Dior. Jumpers and stuff. Yeah. Like one flip-flop, a remote control that you've stolen

out of Paddy. Now it still sounds like an Oxfam shop. But anyway anyway it exists there's some things and you're like but I really want to get that back and it's like the only reason you

really want to get it back is because you want to have a conversation sometimes you just have to let the hoodie go say goodbye to that fleece buy a new one you don't need it

just don't you're like I want my bobby pin back that I left beside your on your nightstand that's my favourite lip balm I really need it

I need to talk to you that toothbrush was very expensive I demand you meet me ride me and give me another chance I saw this I saw this meme on Instagram and it was like

it was this woman just like blindly staring out a plane window and it's like it was this woman just like blindly staring out a plane window and it's like I know he told me not to text him again but surely he wants to see me

hello hello some things are better done in the flesh speaking of that yeah do you mind we were going to talk about

the we watched this there's this documentary on Netflix stalking there's a lot of stalking documentaries at the moment maybe it's because of

Valentine's Day I don't know kind of a dark association I think people yeah lover stalker killer that's what we watched yes

I don't even know how you'd explain it it's it's quite a clusterfuck um yeah so a man started going out like he broke up with his wife moved to this small town went on a dating app plenty of fish and met this woman went on a date with her and he said he didn't want anything serious because he just broke up with his partner she was really cool about it and then he met this other woman and went on a date with her and then there's a bombardment of text messages and let's not give too much away

it is really good to watch although Spenny I watched it with Spenny and he called it from the second he was like he's come across it before there was a couple of twists and turns and some very intense stalking and there's it's pretty it's pretty wild like I was watching that like I'm watching

you know when you're watching documentaries you're like I know I know I don't have the best record but my god compared to these people I should be doing a TED talk on boundaries these people are bananas I look completely normal spending is only telling me a story today he was going for a run and this woman ran after him and stopped him and was like I've been getting mail

for you from a stalker because he used to live beside this girl that ran after him she was like I've been getting non-stop mail

off this girl who will not stop like obviously Spencer was thrilled at the thought that he had a stalker but like some girl is sending all this mail

to a house that he used to live in stalking was only made illegal in Ireland last year before that there was no it wasn't

it wasn't a criminal offence because basically they were like they have to they have to harm you for us to be able to do anything whereas now

they've changed the law so I'm not sure where that leaves me really I'm expecting a rest day if they backed date that shit I'll be in the docus zooming in

doing the pod from the docus but some people go so intense on it like I sent you this thing about a woman got arrested after texting a guy 159,000 times after their first date

but like so she got arrested after 159,000 times would she have been left alone at 90,000 times or like how many times was too many

would you ever get into a fight now obviously it's not that intense but you ever get into a fight with somebody and then you you lose the run of yourself

and you're like and then you're like the next message and you can be 10 messages deep and you're like fuck I know I know sometimes you just see red And then you're like, the next message. And you can be 10 messages deep and you're like, fuck. I haven't got the power.

Yeah, I know. Sometimes you just see red, especially in romantic situations. If you feel you've been, like feelings run very high, as we know. Yeah, yeah. In romantic situations. It's not always the best version of yourself, is what I would say. I think that you can just lose the run of yourself but like 159 000 times like you've really you've really lost the run yourself so god

loved that woman she because she does the rounds every valentine's day she said that meme goes flying around and uh there's the same meme that goes around that the zoo was like oh we can buy a cockroach if you will name it after your ex and feed it to a rat or whatever um but I saw her interviewed or there was a sorry not interviewed there was a documentary about her and she was having like kind of a manic episode and they were saying it was actually kind of unethical to even take her to court for stalking because she's out of her human mind I actually when I was deep diving into love I uh I was looking at people who were like madly

in love with each other and then I came across this thing about Kevin Bacon and his wife Kevin Bacon sounds delicious he actually

discovered that he is related to his wife no way two kids together yeah now they're technically

cousins but like it's like ninth cousins so like I assume that in Ireland we're all ninth cousins of each other like we've spread far and wide but we always like congregate back together I think that I don't think that's I don't think that's that bad we need to check the incest chart because incest that I think you can you can have a kid with your first cousin but not your second cousin or something I don't know the deets I have I need to check my incest chart.

It's a while since I've looked at it, but there is definitely a system in place. Sometimes the furthest ones away are the most dangerous. And the Queen, right? She had the same great, great grandmother. And so her and Prince Philip were third cousins. Well, isn't that kind of the royal bloodline

wasn't that that's why all the old kings and queens were I think the official term is in bits because they were their gene pill

there was like one gene in it just swimming around with no head and a busted tail because they were all just inter-mating they were trying to keep

it all they were trying to keep the royal bloodline it keeps family events small and contained and private which is probably what they want. That actually makes

a lot of sense to me. Yeah like we don't want a big invitation list here so just shag your brother. Let's keep things small let's keep things intimate let's keep things cosy. Maybe not the brother

maybe a cousin but that way then you're like oh great like the wedding list is cut in half because you're not inviting two sides of the family

that's just a very good point tumbleweed gown through one side of the church we're all on the bride's side even the groom I'm not a big fan of romance I can be a bit of a cynic but I do have a gorgeous story for you guys that I thought really encapsulated Valentine's Day and just kind of love and caring and mutual respect.

Okay. It's about a man called Karl Tanzler. I don't know if you're familiar with his work. No. He was a radiologist back in like oldie worldly, like, well well 1931 around that time and he fell in love

with a tuberculosis patient that he had at the Key West Hospital she didn't return his affections and he grew obsessed with her and that obsession

continued after her death in 1931 he spent all this money after she died and built her a mausoleum which is like a huge fancy tomb

he had it commissioned and every evening he would sit by it and sing to her corpse and speak with her spirit. A mausoleum. Yeah, that's what I said, Falk. A mausoleum. The thing I hope you're having built for me. It's already built. Hello. You're like, this woman's going to go at any time.

That mazoolium needs to be, needs to be ready for her corpse so I can sing to it in the evening. Well, I'll be on. The way you're going, you're going to be on the way out pretty soon. I know.

Refuses to use the running belt. Do you mean the harness? Refuses to use the harness belt. Do you mean the harness? Refuses to use the harness. Won't leave the house. Can't get her out of the bed. The running belt. How dare you? The running belt.

I'm going to get that dipped in bronze. You know, the way people get their little kid shoes dipped. I'm going to get yours dipped in bronze just so you can have it as an ornament on your giant table that's on the way the running belt

I dismiss of perfect engineering I must think about you 20 times a day because whenever I see somebody

in a running belt you come straight to my mind and I'm like Joanne, Joanne, Joanne Yeah Always on my mind now I wake up and I look out the window

and to Clapham Common and if you're not wearing a harness or a running belt you're nobody in that like you're nobody They're like oh look at the pavo with no harness

Oh God having to put their phone in their pocket Carrying her water loser Tanzler spent more than a year sitting by the mausoleum he commissioned for Alina each evening singing to her corpse then one night in April 1933

it all got too much for him and he exhumed her body and took it home with him I like this actually I'd love this when he did this for me send me the link to that now I'll send it on to Sven just to make sure

I don't want to be alone in death after two years in the mausoleum Alina's corpse was in poor shape after dragging

her body to his home in a toy wagon which there's no dignity in Tanzler set to work securing her limbs to

her torso with piano wire he then replaced her decaying skin with silk that he'd soaked in wax and plaster, fashioned a wig from the hair that had fallen out of her skull and doused her in disinfectants and perfume to cover the odour of her rotting flesh.

Tanzler dressed Alina and kept her in his bed where he slept next to her each night and though it's never been verified there was allegedly evidence that he engaged in necrophilia with her corpse by inserting a tube into her vagina. Do you still want me

to send you the link? No, I don't think I want that link. I feel scared. I actually feel Do you ever hear a story like that and you actually feel like you're the dirty one

for hearing it? I feel dirty. You should. It gets worse. For the next seven years Karl Tanzler lived with the body of Alina De Hoyas

eventually rumours started to fly when someone reportedly spotted Tanzler dancing with the corpse through his open window Alina's family decided to confront him

Alina's sister notified the police for suspicions he was arrested and charged with wantonly and maliciously destroying a grave

and removing a body without autorisation he was arrested and charged with wantonly and maliciously destroying a grave and removing a body without autorization. What happened to him? He was arrested. The statute of limitations had expired. He was released. He actually received a lot of compassion.

Some women viewed him as a hopeless romantic. Meanwhile, Alina De Hoia's body was placed on display at a local funeral home. A local funeral home. I have just looked at a picture of this woman. Now, in fairness, he didn't do a bad job of the corpse, but like, that is frightening. Oh, I know. Oh, my God. So he went back after all this happened,

after he was released from prison, he returned home to his wife, who I have no idea was she working nights, how she missed all this. Maybe she was happy to kind of outsource that side of things to some fucking corpse because she was like, look, you know, we're more just companions now. It's more a friendship.

I don't know. But anyway, he went home to his wife. I'd never feel so bad about myself. was like look you know we're more just companions now it's more friendship uh i don't know but anyway he went home to his wife i'd never feel so bad about myself i'd never feel worse than if my husband chose a fucking corpse over me you feel what would that do to your self-confidence well she is a timeless piece and like with the tube in her vagina she you know she's never really going to turn you down you don't even have to get her warmed up

she's just ready to go at all times like a pocket honestly I honestly I feel sick that we've spoken about this are we going to

are we going to end on something nicer yeah I'll tell you do you know what's really nice he reportedly created a life-size effigy of the young woman

and lived with it until his death in 1952. So that's nice. Is that nice? Is that the nice part? Yeah, because she was put on display so people got to see the great work that he'd done. And then she was put in an unmarked grave

because they knew he'd go back and get her again. That's the kind of love I'm looking for. I think actually after hearing the entire story I don't really think that that's what I'm looking for but I can understand

why you would want that level of commitment from somebody but I'd say if Spano could have you silent and tubed he would 100% do that.

Oh my god there's not a doubt in my mind. Yeah. I'm sure I'd probably do the same with him. If I could have, if Spenna could be like similar to that, I'd be also extremely happy.

Silent and with a little splint attached to him. I'll just get a little strap on, pop it on, strap on, spritz him down with some debt all every day. Perfect. He'd have to be on some sort of pulley system

to be lowered onto you because you're not going to get on top obviously so you'd have to have the cords lowered onto you like a bungee cord thing

oh my god oh no I could come down and do it if you want oh my god we've hit a new low on therapists we've hit a new low

I'm scared look I'm just saying there's all types of love out there so you know all types next week we should be doing a deep dive

on necrophilia well any stories pop them in the hello hey girlies let us know hello at

mtgmpot.com what's your experience with riding the dead that's it for this week thanks so much for listening and also thank you to everyone who voted for My Therapist Goes

to be live we have won the Ticketmaster Irish comedy event of the year for last year so thank you so much for voting if you did and if you didn't

check yourself we'll speak to you about that another time if you didn't thank you to the rest of you we've broken GDPR reels and we do know who didn't vote and thank you to myself because I did vote for us

Jo I didn't see. And thank you to myself because I did vote for us. Joe, I didn't see your details in the system. Check again. Just have another look. No, no, no. I've checked several times, Joe. That award is not for you, Joe. Because I don't know your surname,

I couldn't check properly but I didn't see any Joe's. No, no, no. I'm there. I'm there somewhere. I'll be there.