My Therapist Ghosted Me - I'm Really Feeling Myself

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

It's important to give yourself credit when it's due, and Joanne is feeling herself at the moment. Plus, huge love for the Olympics, ayahuasca and tooth gaps.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my Parapas Ghosting Me with Me Vogue Williams and my disco ball friend Joanne McAnally. Why on earth do you look so amazing? Just decided that I was gonna start respecting myself again. You're in sequence, you look fantastic. Yeah, yeah, I'm just sick of looking like shit. And someone messaged me asking me

why I always look like I've just gotten out of bed on these videos. Well, that's unfair. Well, it's kind of true. Because she has just gotten out of bed, for God's sake. Maybe I just gotten out of bed on these videos. Well that's unfair. Well it's kind of true. Because she has just gotten out of bed for god's sake. Maybe I have gotten out of bed. I work nights. I'll tell you.

I'm a very skilled napper. Your napping is something I will never like ever be able to understand. She could lie on a floor, a bed of nails, she'd be out. You're so lucky. It's so weird. It's like, I don't like blowing my own trumpet, but my God, I can nap. Jesus. You're probably the best. I'm not even making this up. You are the best napper I know.

I wonder could I compete? Including Otto and everything. Fantastic. Am I better than Otto? You are. Come here to me. I am missing a trick doing this podcast. I've missed bath time and I'm missing dinner time. Spenny's mom's over. I'm like, sorry, got to work. Got to do some work here. I got the most now. In fact, I do enjoy doing it. I've been slagging my kids off all day today on radio because I've had

I had them all weekend and I actually text you and I was like I think I'm gonna go somewhere on my own for two hours tomorrow. Are you around? She wanted to retreat. Where are you? She wanted an escape. Did you get an escape in the end? Well on that escape I actually had to film some. I have a lot of work as you we're all very strangely busy this week and I tried to take some of the heat off by filming stuff on Saturday and Sunday, but it took a bit of the heat off, but I still have all the heat from every day this week. It's a super busy week for all three of us, weirdly. That never happens.

No, it doesn't. Usually one of us is being a slob. Yeah. Even Joe's working this week. Ah, there it is. I'm going to do something we haven't done in a while. Joanne, how was your week? Oh, I was really hoping you wouldn't ask me that. I was hoping the fact that I was wearing loads of sparkles would draw attention away from the fact that I've done nothing and have nothing to say. Tell me about the sparkles. Okay. That's what I wanted to know about. I didn't want to know about the rest. Sorry,

you were with me for some of the week. You ran. I had a tiny relapse on Sunday. I wasn't sure if you were going to admit. Tiny relapse, but I've no regrets and no shame about it. I had a couple of drinks on Sunday and you know what? I needed them and there's no point feeling bad about it. What's happened has happened. I'm back on track now. Fair enough and well done for being so honest. Thank you.

I went for a roast. I got a new Adidas play suit. I felt incredibly gamey. I was, I'm really feeling myself at the moment. Well, you looked great. I'm going to actually buy that Adidas play suit. I'm going to buy it or I'm going to go to your house and steal yours for the mug. Get a large because it's quite short on the buttocks.

So that's why I got a large because I don't, you know, the way these, I don't know who they're making these play suits for, four foot women. You're like, I'm too old to have my cheeks kind of slipping out the end. So I get a large and then belt it. And then it gives you a bit more like decency on the arse. Anyway, my long body, I might need to get an extra large. My body is like twice as long as other people's bodies. You'll need to get two and stitch it together to make it in any way where it will.

I woke up on Sunday and I was like, I had this moment of like, I am a single attractive woman. Why am I not out? I should be on a fucking street corner charging for this shit. It actually started on Saturday night when she started texting me and she was like, I want to go to Fred again. And I was like, okay. And she's like, so let's go to, I want to go out. I will go to Fred again. And I was like, okay, don't you want to tell her? I was like, I want to go. I mean, I fancy Fred again. Okay. But I don't think I'm his style. I think I'm probably a bit out for him, but I just had this urge. Do you ever just remember that you're alive? You're like, holy shit, I'm alive. I should be out enjoying

myself. Stop. Because I don't like relapsing with my friends. I don't like to do that because I know, I know deep down I'm quite boring and maybe when I'm dying this is the things that I'll remember but like I want to sit in and read my book. Well that's fine but that's all I've been doing of late. I've just been sitting in and I was like no. So I ordered that play suit off the Adidas website. I put fake tan on my legs. Thank you so much Vogue. Thank you so much. You were so pale when you were on Saturday. I got a fright. She didn't even notice. She didn't even notice me coming in. As a folk it's me. She died. It's a ghost. So I put on some fake tan. I put a bit of glitter on my decolletage and I dragged Michelle to Swarthay with me and all we did was have a roast really.

And then obviously I came home alone. But still the intention was there and as I saunter through Clapham Common I'm not going to lie folk, people were checking me out. I told you, you looked like I was texting her saying there's rides, there's rides in the Prince Albert, get down here, there's rides. I was like received, over, received. We just have walkie talkies now, we're just ride spotting for the rest of the season. There's a ride on Southwest well my husband's away so like I mean I tell you what I wouldn't be single long if he perished touch wood she touched wood Joe

it's grand it's not gonna happen if I touch wood that negates if you hadn't touched wood he'd be dead by now but she touched wood, Jo. It's grand. It's not going to happen if I touch wood. That negates. If you hadn't touched wood, he'd be dead by now. Problems. But she touched wood. So it's grand. I always thought I'd be more of a mourner, but since he's gone these couple of weeks, I just thought to myself, there's no way. I'd have to have an excuse as to why it happened so quick. I'd say, well, listen, I was just feeling so lonely. And then I met this guy the next day after I met him at the funeral.

Yeah. And I actually knew for years and I've been DMing behind your back. So there was someone ready to go. That's what you do. Do you know those people who were there dying and because basically no one touched wood for them. So they're just actually dying. And then they're saying to them that they're saying to their partner, I want you to move on. I want you to be happy. I'd be texting someone else at the same time. I don't want you to like, give it a bit of time. I literally show out of me. Do you know what I mean? Don't embarrass me. I'd be pulling out the plug to charge my phone so I could text more people. Okay. See you later. He's no quality of life. He's no quality of life. He seems fine folk. No, no, no, no,

no. He's depressed out of his mind. Yeah. I had to send him to Dignitas. I didn't want to, but I had to. I sent him there. Anyway, that was my vibe. Basically, I kind of, I felt attractive this weekend for, and it's a while since I made an effort with myself. So I've decided to carry it it on and then I coincidentally got that text saying that I look like I've just got out of bed on the podcast videos so here I am in my sparkles, my sunglasses and a full face of makeup lipstick and eyeliner. Jo contain yourself. Now in fairness you are going gigging tonight as well. Oh yeah but I wouldn't fucking wear this on. Can you imagine if I turned up to Top Secret

Comedy Club just like this? Are you having a breakdown? Is that top just for us? So that woman really got you. Yeah! And I'm not even wearing a bra or anything. I'm really trying to bring it today. Where's that top from? I love that too. Yonk. It's nice, isn't it? Yeah. Will I tell you about my Weki Rude Pitch? Sorry, Vogue. I am being very rude. I just, it's so rare that I feel myself like this. I was trying to have a quite a serious conversation with someone the other day and they were like,

stop staring at yourself. They made me move seats so I couldn't see myself in the window anymore. I have to do that. I was still trying to talk to her. I just turned around and looked at myself again. I was like, fucking look great. It's the no boo thing. I know I've fucked with that on Sunday. But she said to me, she said, Joanne, since you start drinking, your head is half the size. And I thought, yes, love that for me. I never noticed the difference in the head size, to be honest with you. I think that

that's all in your head, but your skin looks glorious. And you came down to me on Saturday and Joanne Ryan nearly three kilometers. She'd always cut out after about five meters since she's been off the booze nearly three kilometers. I nearly passed away. So I celebrated it all with booze. Well, I'm as you know, I'm off the booze as well. And you know, the way Amber Amber, my sister, That doesn't mean anything. Yes it do on. I was worried about myself in Spain. Gina had me drinking every night in the balcony. That's like me saying up. I've given up crime. I don't do it anyway. Well anyway, I'm trying to live. I don't kill anymore. Did I tell you this? You never killed anyway. Well I am. I was drinking a lot in Spain. I was like, I'm going to take a couple of weeks

off. And Amber, my sister, who does like a drink, gave up drinking for three months. I never said a single word to her. When I brought her out and she was shy crack because she wasn't drinking, I never said a single word. And then I said to her, she's throwing a party in my house because she lives there in Ireland the day after I arrive home when I say, listen, I don't think I'm going to drink. Like I'm actually, I feel real good about myself. She goes, fuck's sake, don't bother that. Don't bother.

And I'm like, oh my God, I was so supportive of you. Like how shit crack am I when I'm not drinking? We don't booze. We don't like, we don't like when people are not drinking around us because it it triggers us because we feel a jealous and be judged. Well if she wasn't so scabby she'd know that if someone produced a bottle of champagne I wouldn't be able to turn it down. I just wouldn't. It just feels like it feels like a real waste of money to me to say no and once you get on that train there's no going back it's left the station. I'll see you tomorrow. The Champagne train? Yeah the Champagne train.

Bundy P. I'm bringing that back by the way now that I found myself again I've realized that was actually a great part of my character. Oh was it? Okay cool. Listen I think he's awful but you're into him now so I'm gonna say I like him and when you don't like him neither do I. Yeah you're malleable. Good word. Did you get that from your Insta page? Malleable. Yeah, very good word. I think I made it up. Did I coin that term Joe? No, I don't think you did, mate. No, not at all. What? Hashtag making an effort. Hashtag never looked better. Hashtag feeling myself. Hashtag intimidating. It doesn't last for four days.

Four days. What? I said hashtag intimidating. Intimidating. There's just something in the air at the moment. There's just like a gaminess in the air. I used to get that when I was younger when I was looking like an alien, when I was too, like I was really tall and skinny and I hadn't grown into the mate at all by then.

And my friends would be like, it's only because they're intimidated by it. And I'd be like, yeah, sure. I know. It's like, if anyone's mean to you, your mother's like, they're just jealous of you. They're just jealous. Like, I don't think that's what this is, but fine. I agree. I agree. Joanne's going to post more pod videos than she's ever posted in her entire life because she looks so good today. And you know what else I've done for myself? Downloaded Tinder. Tinder? That's for rides I heard though, like as in just sex. No, that's field is for sex.

Field is for kinks. I know someone who was on field and pissed on someone. That was what they wanted them to do. So you find things like that on field. That's fine. You'll piss on someone. You've pissed on me before. I'm not drinking. I'm looking for things to do. I'll piss on someone. Kill a bit of time. Well, I went to see Miss Doubtfire with tea. Sorry, folk. Tell us about going to see Mrs. Doubtfire. Now I want to start doing things with T more on his own. And I was only thinking, say, God, like he's still a little baby and we kind of, because he's the older one, we kind of treat him like

the older one. Anyway, so I like to try and do things with them on their own. And T and I went to see Mrs. Doubtfire. And to be honest with you, I wasn't expecting much because I was like, how are they going to bring that stage? It was so good. Really? Yeah. I don't know why I wasn't expecting it to be good, but it had all those really fun songs. I'd always say as well that I hate musicals. Turns out I love them because the Book of Mormon.

Yeah, you just need the right musical. So they have songs like that one, you know, in the Book of Mormon, it's like Switch It Up Like A Light. I like really have songs like that one, you know, in the Book of Mormon, it's like Switch It Up, Like A Light, and like really good songs like that. And the main guy was so amazing. But anyway, I got there with T and I went with my manager, Louise, and her daughter, Paloma, who's older, she's 12 and T. T's girlfriend now. Yeah, T's new girlfriend, he wishes. But anyway, so I took him, he was desperate to get some popcorn and I took him, I was trying to run before the show came on and he got his fingers caught in the door and oh my, the way in the door into the bar to get the popcorn, but the screeches out of him and

they're like, oh my God, do we need to get an ambulance? And I was like, no, he's like, they're being really nice about offering ice packs and everything. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, you barely touched it. Barely. I was like, I paid for those tickets. I don't care if his fucking fingers on the ground, but it was really, really good. And then the whole way through he just, the whole first half he was like, are we getting popcorn? Not knowing that he's sit like he doesn't understand obviously the rules of the theater. So he just kept screaming about popcorn. But anyway, he's not exactly at the culture vulture we want him to be, but we're grooming him into one. What else did I do? Oh, I have been so

involved in the Olympics like you wouldn't believe. I can't get enough. I know. Really? I've never watched it before. Now when I say I'm involved in the Olympics, I'm only involved in the fun stuff. So like, yeah, did you see the pole vaulter? Tell me you saw the pole vaulter. I don't know if I saw the pole vaulter. So this fella goes on, like he's got this big stick and like he's jumping over a like polling. Another stick. Voting with the pole.

He had cleared it. He could, it was like he was up for a medal, but he has this massive dick and his dick knocked the pole off. Are you sure? Are you sure this wasn't a dream? No, I swear. I've watched it over and over and over. I'm telling you. And you know what I was thinking? Doesn't matter that you didn't get an Olympic medal. Your inbox will be full for life. It will be date central, the size of it. And it wasn't even on a semi. Sorry now. So it wasn't, it was a no way erect. No way erect. So imagine that thing when it was erect. Do you know that I was watching a documentary with Linford Christie the other night. And he was talking about how when he he won all these races and everything.

And he said that all anyone spoke about was the size of his dick package. And he was really upset about it. And I felt so sorry for him. Why was it small? No. Well, then why the hell is he upset? I know. I guess he feels like that he's, you know, all these kind of achievements and they're just talking about I think I think he felt a little violated by it and a bit disrespected.

Well, I had to get just about to Google the Pell Volcan. I actually I had to tell Spenny, Spenny had created this running video and I was like, babe, you got to take that down. He was like, why? It's brilliant. I was like, look at your dick bouncing all over the place. I was like, that's all I can see in that video. You have to take it down. Just drop it in at times Joe for like ease of now little package. Is that why those little Willie baskets, you get them in the shorts,

those little kind of mesh things. There's a little net in there. yeah. Oh, here we go. Paul Valter's Olympic stream shattered by his own penis. Hold on there. Yeah. Oh, oh my God, that poor guy. Well, poor guy, but also like, he's gonna have women all over the world

wanting to go out with him. And now he's famous. He's famous. Great. Oh my God. I feel so sorry for him. I don't. Because of the Olympics, did you see the really sexy Turkish assassin guy? He just walked up with his hand in his pocket, shot something twice and got a silver medal. Did you see him? Well, did you see the sexy shooting woman from South Korea who is the sexiest bitch I've ever seen in my entire life? Have you heard Billy Eilish's new song? Yeah. And I love it. Sexy. Well, it's actually, uh, it's not daft punk. They took a sample of daft punk. Is that what it is? Yeah. She's like lick it, spill it, pull it. Um, Charlie's straight, but she knows I'd hear it.

It's it was I mean, I listened to it several times. Yeah, it's a great tune. It's hot. It's hot. I want to go back to the Olympics because I saw some more things. Did you see? I only saw this last night, so you may not have seen it. So, you know, the way the horse horses do those dances when they're doing dressage. So the horses do the dressage dances, which, by the way, if I was a horse, which I am closely related to, I would never trot or canter.

I would only dressage around the place. Imagine hip hop. Why would you bother ever? Like, that's the way you want to walk. Anyway, there was a horse dancing around to the Spice Girls. I'll tell you what I want. So they're in this gorgeous venue in Paris and the horse is like, I'll tell you what I want. He wasn't saying.

Is this sorry, is this real? Yes. Horses can dance. Dressage. Look up horse dressage. Fuck off. You'll never you'll look at the other horses and think, why are you walking like that? Are you telling me a horse can do the zumba? Pretty much they can go to the side and everything, but they hold their foot and hold their other foot. And so they go to the beat of the music and the Spice Girls. If I knew I could watch a horse line dance, I would have watched the Olympics.

I'll be honest. I didn't realize that was an option. These are the gems that we're finding. Also, did anyone see the New Zealand women's team doing Haka? The Haka, like you've seen the men do the Haka. They were just so cool. I want to do the Haka. Like we need to. I don't think you're allowed. Is that not cultural appropriation? I don't think you're allowed to do the Haka. I think that's basically like rocking out with your cornrows. Yeah. Well,

anyway, even if I can't do anything, we're white women. The only thing we're allowed to do is complain. That's our thing. Fine. I'm tired. Okay. We complain. That's if anyone, any other ethnicity complains, we're like, excuse me. That's ours. That's ours. No way. But I was thinking, cause like I would like for Ireland as a nation to have something more aggressive, like the Haka because we just kind of like double kick around. Like we do our Irish dancing. What's wrong with the? I mean the Haka is just so much cooler. It's just like it's got a bit of like bite, you know? It is impressive. And they're when I see the lads do it, it's it's it's pretty

impressive with the tattoos. Like it would psych me out. And that's kind of the point of it, isn't it? To psych out the other team. Yeah. Although if I had a horse that could line dance, I'd be like, nothing can psych me out. You're going to spend the rest of your evening watching horses do dressage. Did you see that meme? That was a thing. It made me think of you because it was somebody had written this thing like about, you know, the way your parents used to threaten you with stuff when you were younger, like just random stuff.

There was this girl and she was like, my mum used to threaten me that she was going to send me off to Irish dancing school with Michael Flatley. And it got so bad that once she had a friend come over and dress up as Michael Flatley threatening to take me away if I get pulled. I saw this. Someone was sent, a couple of people sent that to me. I was like, what is this? It's so, why are people slagging your boyfriend? Yeah, why are they threatening people with my boyfriend? He's such a kind, gentle, silky self. It's scared. Oh, come on. You'd be scared. He was like, cause he's, ah, listen, he does a sexy on his dance. I have to say.

I don't think I'm trying to think was I ever threatened with something as a kid. I really don't think I ever was. I remember once I got a very detailed handwritten letter from the Tooth Fairy explaining that I wasn't going to get any money because I wasn't asleep. But they still managed to put the letter under my bed. So I don't know what the lesson there was. I clearly was fast asleep and it was very clearly my father's handwriting. I was like, you know, questions were asked, but that's all. I got a letter from Santa once telling me that I was basically being greedy.

And I took it into school to show everyone. Mine was typed though. Mine was typed. And I was like, Oh my God, look, Santa contacted me. That is hilarious. Sandra was basically like, back in your box, bitch. Yeah, you've asked for too much. You're not getting, yeah, you're not getting like the Barbie Volvo for Christmas.

I never got anything Barbie. You're being too greedy. Oh my God. He's not ringing you back because he's intimidated by you. He's intimidated. He was desperate anyway. He was absolutely, what did he get you for Christmas? Desperate. He was punching. That's, he's intimidated. He was desperate anyway, he was absolutely, what did he get you for Christmas?

He was desperate. He was punching, that's what he was doing, huh? Did you see Snoop Dogg at the Olympics? Ah, please say you did. Sorry, can someone explain to me how Snoop Dogg has ended up being the mascot of the Paris Olympics? How has this happened?

What's his official role? Is he just there to kind of cheer people on and just like lift people's spirits? How has this happened? I'm assuming he's getting paid and him and Martha Stewart, who knew? To do what? I don't know, just be cool. He dressed up as a horse rider to go to the equestrian. Him and Martha Stewart sitting in the back of a golf cart. It's great marketing idea and he looks like he's having a ball

and Snoop Dogg does add a certain je ne sais quoi to any occasion. Of the dressage, he was quoted as saying, I'm interested in the horses that dance and I want to give them some carrots and apples. That's it. And then he did. And then he gave one a carrot.

I'd say, well, do you know what? People love the Olympics. So they're all like, I now love the Olympics. You know, the swimmers in the sand, it costs 1.3 billion to clean out that river so they could go for a swim in it. 1.3 billion. And they were still all getting sick on themselves when they got out. Did you hear about that? Stop. Yeah. Yeah. They still couldn't sort it out. When I was on tour in Australia, I had the same driver who, who had driven Snoop Dogg on his tour. Yeah. And he said, he said he was just smoking weed all the time in the back of the car to the point where he was like, I can't drive anymore. Yeah. He's like, I don't know what to do here. Hot boxing yourself.

It's like hot boxing your driver. I was like, oh my God, Snoop Dogg sat in these seats. Oh, I love it. Snoop Dogg was at Chloe Kardashian's birthday. You wouldn't have seen that yet because you have a whole series to catch up on. But he was at Chloe Kardashian's birthday singing All the Best Chains. Bad news this week. Very bad. Go on. Vogue alerted me to this.

Now, let's see if Joe can guess. Joe. Let's see if Joe can guess. Joe. Let's see if I can guess. I can't remember. You'll guess when I say. Joe, something has come back into fashion for women. We're not happy about it. Can you guess what it is?

I just don't have the legs for it. Ultra mini skirts. No, thank you, Joe. I look great in them. Thanks. Oh, sorry. God, Thomas. He's like anything where legs are visible. No.

Skinny jeans. How rude. Yeah! Skinny jeans! Well done, Joe! They never went away for me. No, they didn't. That's actually very, very true. Well, I threw all mine out because Carina Gaffey told me to. I've none. I can tell you now, my days of half my arse hanging out

the top of those trays is gone. I'm not going back there. I'm not going back. Why was your arse hanging out? Because I have a big arse. And they couldn't be accommodated by those stupid skinny jeans that were like painted on. They're so unflattering.

Unless you're Kate Moss and you're a size 6. Anyone with any shape. You can't wear it. They're not flattering. Who decided it anyway? Like we can just, we can go against it and say no. I'm sorry. You can't just say one thing and take it away. Mine are in the bin. I've no more. Style magazine, which I was reading the other day on the front, it's like legs are back in fashion. How can you decide, like what? It's not fair. When did you tell me,

who's deciding this shit? Amber be thrilled. It's like Anna Wintour being like, oh my God, this season, eyes. Eyes are huge. Everyone should have eyes this year. No, we're not wearing that shit. I'm not accepting it and I'm not gonna wear them.

No way. I'm not buying anymore. No way. I had one pair of slightly skinny jeans and you know who threw them out? Trini. That's quite the name drop. What's that cheese? When Trini was over filming in my bathroom, she went through my wardrobe and threw out a pair of skinny jeans and she was dead right. Oh god, I am sorry. The gossip and shite that I just love reading about. Did you see that supposedly Hailey Bieber is spending all of Justin Bieber's money? What else is she supposed to do? She's got no job.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Well, okay. She's doing the tills in River Island. Is she? Well, she does do modeling and she has Rode, which is a really nice skincare brand. Sorry. Yeah, fair enough. But like, yeah, I mean, I shouldn't dismiss her as saying she's got no job. And trust me, when I say she's got no job, I mean that I'm coming from a position of awe. Not like dismissing her is that she's some shit feminist. I mean, that woman has made some fucking smart decisions for herself.

I know. Well, supposedly he's miserable. This is what I read. He's miserable. And they use that picture of a member, the one that he posted when he was crying. So funny. Oh, God. Anytime she does anything now, they keep posting this photo of him with he's got one shit tear coming out. Like, it's not even that it's not even a proper cry

and they kind of post it as if it's like of the moment like it's a current photo. I know but it's like people we've spoken about the crying videos we're not going back there it's mean okay so supposedly she spent tens of millions on private jets to fly around the world and once she flew on a plane just to get her nails done at a particular manicurist. Come on, that's ridiculous. I just don't believe that. Well, I choose to. I just don't believe it.

She got him to buy her a second wedding ring worth 1.5 million. She now wears two wedding rings. That I do believe. Yeah, fair play. Yeah, fair play. If I could get a second ring, 100%. Can you imagine the push present she's going to get? Oh my God.

When she pushes up it, you know that you get a push present, Joe, don't you? When a woman pushes out a baby, she gets a present and the present. And no, the child is not the present. She has a real present, like a bag or jewelry. Can you imagine the push present she's going to get? Well, not anymore because he's got no money left because she keeps spending it all. Is that what they're saying? No, that, well, they're saying that's why he went to do that wedding in India. Like there was no other reason he would have flown to India for 30 million pounds or whatever it was. Like he, no one's that rich that they're like, Oh, I'm not going to India for a night for 30 million pounds. I think even no, not Jeff

Vesos actually. He would turn that down. He would. No one's going to be like, Oh, I just couldn't be arsed. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I stay in and watch Housewives. I'm just, I just couldn't be arsed. That's know what I mean? I mean, I'd rather stay in and watch Housewives. I just couldn't be arsed. That's what I would say. I think I'd say, listen lads, I don't want to, I don't want to clock up the air miles. I'd rather not. I'll zoom in. I'll zoom in for 10%. Haley Bieber is one of those incredibly frustrating pregnant people where from the back she doesn't look pregnant at all. Yeah. And from the, like, I just know that if and when I was, if and when I got pregnant, I just, now obviously I'm older than she is,

she's well, she's probably still in her twenties. Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. I just know I would balloon. I just know I'd be the size of a house. I just know I would be. I just know I'd have cellulite in my face. I just know. No, you'd be, you would be an upper and mover house. I just know I would be. I just know I'd have cellulite in my face. I just know. No, you'd be, you would be an upper and mover around. There's no way. I couldn't like, I

like people always thought I was insane that I was still training when I was pregnant, but I felt like I was in so much pain with my hips and everything like that. Like I had to train. Well I did! No, I know you did, but like like you but and then it stood to you because you were like a one push person and then you were basically back in. A three push. Sorry a three push, one push per child. No a three push, oh no no, tea wasn't great, tea wasn't great. You and your abs were back within seven minutes. But like, I just don't think, because I haven't done that much conditioning of my body up to this point,

and I feel like pregnancy does wild things to your body, you know? It just does. It just changes your entire body. There's two types of pregnant women. There's the pregnant women who get a little bump on the front, and they don't get an ounce of fat anywhere else, and then there's what I would call normal pregnant women that I relate to more who just kind of balloon everywhere. And I think that's probably what would happen to me for sure.

Well, it's just, but then you have the gift of a child. I know, but like I was vomiting the whole way. I was vomiting till the day she was all born. Yeah. Well, that's why you stayed so thin. I really enjoyed the nine months of feeling like shit. All I could eat was cheese on toast. I hated cheese on toast for a year after cheese. I was like, never again. Speaking of vomiting. Oh, yeah. I'm doing ayahuasca. Oh, please

God. When I don't know, I don't know what kind of person I'm going to come out of this experience as. Jo, this isn't good for us. I don't know what this pod is going to become. I feel like all my bitterness is going to go away. We need that. I'm concerned, I know. I feel like I won't... What if I'm not petty?

I'm a little bit concerned, but also I want to heal. I want to go speak to Mother Moon. It's not good. It doesn't last. OK, I'm just going to tell you that, right? So one of Spenny's friends used to go to Costa Rica all the time to do it. And he came back one time, right? And this is this big, loud guy. And he came in and he's like, hello.

Like, and it's like all of his voice had disappeared. We were like, are you all right? And he was like, yeah. And then he sat in our cage after coming to see us and took out a fucking book and started reading it. I was like, are you all right? And he was like, yeah. And then he sat in our cage after coming to see us and took out a fucking book and started reading it. I was like, why are you here whispering and reading? Like get out. And then he went out that weekend on the absolute session. He was back to normal. Thank God. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even if I got 48 hours out of it, you know what I mean? I think, Oh my God, I can't wait to hear about this. This will be, this is good pod work and I fucked in the hypnotherapy happening on Monday.

Go on. Yeah. I want to do hypnotherapy as well. You know, for what? I don't know. Everything. Why not? Well, let's see how mine goes and then we'll start on you. I'm very lax on my skincare at the moment. I'd like to get that back on track. I stopped taking off my mascara at night. So I booked in for some ayahuasca just to get to the bottom of really what's really going on with me. Do you know what I mean? That's deep. That is deep, dude. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

I have a recommendation of a show to watch. Do you want to hear it? Yeah. So do you remember that one Chloe Ailing who pretended, well, I actually don't know what happened in the end she was that young girl, very good-looking and pretended to be kidnapped and it turned out that she was lying about it, but like she said that she was. So basically there's a new drama it's called Kidnapped the Chloe Ailing Story and it's a six part factual drama and it's a true tale of her kidnapping which happened in 2017 when she went to Milan and she thought it was a photo shoot and then she was like released later.

But like everyone was like this, I smell a rat basically. Well I remember her but why did they not believe her? What was so weird about the story that they didn't believe her? Was it because they let her go? Yeah, I think and I just didn't, nothing really added up. So like the police and everything obviously got involved because it became a really big story. And in fairness, if she was looking for a bit of fame, she definitely got it. She's now got a show and I will, I will be watching it though, obviously. But I, I I when I did it, when I was doing the documentaries, I met girls who had been been kidnapped and we were interviewing like a psychotherapist who deals with the

girls, so girls that had been kidnapped for like, let's say, like four weeks or three weeks or something like that, and then got released. And supposedly they had a thing where they were kind of jealous of the girls who had a longer stint because it made them more famous. That's dark, but I can kind of understand it. Yeah, yeah. You'd want to be like when it's like activists. I mean, I shouldn't compare, but it's like it's like activists.

Yeah. Stop will people. Bear with me. I just mean that sometimes people drink their own, like they get, if you get so much attention for something, even if it's something negative that's happened in your life, I think you can kind of, you know, become a bit hooked on it. It's basically Munchausen syndrome. Yeah, but it is. And that's what they were, that's what they had to try and like help

them with as well. But that one, Chloe, like everyone just thought she basically wanted attention for it and that's why she did it. Which is kind of strange. And do we kind of get to the bottom of it in the documentary? Do we know? Well, I don't know, but I'm going to watch it. I just saw it and I thought that's a bit of us now to be watching that. But is she involved in the documentary or is it kind of about her?

No, it's like a drama about her. But obviously then I started deep diving kidnapping stories. Now I didn't get any bad kidnapping stories because I didn't want to talk about the bad ones that actually happened. But there was a woman who once stole another woman's wedding ring and held it for ransom, telling the authorities that she'd give it back when the bride paid her back the money she was owed. Nice. authorities that she'd give it back when the bride paid her back the money she was owed. Nice. How did she?

I mean, what was it? What did she owe the money? Do we know what she owed the money for? Well, I don't know, but it's like it's one of those Judge Judy kind of things. I have a naked Gigi. One of the funniest stories I've ever heard, although I have to remember how it ended, was the woman who found out her husband was cheating on her, but he was away at the time, he was over,

like he was kind of a nine hour drive from where she was in America. And she drove through the night, do you remember she wore a nappy for the whole thing so she didn't have to stop, that's how enraged she was. And it's funny that she wore a nappy, but I think she killed him in the end, Jo. Hang on, what? I know, yeah. So she was so enraged, because she was like,

she just found out he was cheating on her, so she was gonna drive and kind of confront him. But she didn't wanna have to stop to go to the toilet or anything, so she wore an adult diaper, basically, for the drive so that she could just go straight. Now, I'm sure she would have had to stop to get in petrol. I don't know the deets.

Anyway, that's how angry she was. She wore a nappy when she got there. It was a funny story till I think she killed him at the end and then obviously it took a turn. Which birth did you watch or did you watch one? I can't remember. I can't remember. I'll be honest. They all looked the same at the end. It was that stage of the night now. I couldn't really identify which child I was watching coming out of your vagina, but it was certainly one of them. I hope it was your vagina.

Anyway, who looked? Who looked? It was one of the birthing videos we were watching. Oh my God, do you know the way there's like a heat wave all around the world at the moment? Have you seen some of the zoos trying to keep the animals cold when they have these beavers holding these huge big ice cubes?

It's so cute! Oh God, it's so awful that they're just kept like that. Oh, no, it makes me feel bad. I know somebody who went to SeaWorlds and I was like, you can't go to SeaWorld. You can't really go to SeaWorld. You cannot be caught dead in SeaWorld. And those people who still go swimming with the dolphins and like, do they still have them in Dubai where you go swimming with dolphins?

You can't be doing that. Are you not allowed to swim with the dolphins? I thought dolphins were sound. Dolphins are sound but not the ones in captivity. You're not allowed to go swimming with them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nothing should be in captivity. Only Joe. I don't think I do so badly in captivity. I just sit and read my books. No, I would actually. What am I, what am I saying? I hate being alone. Speaking of books, I have a recommendation. I'm reading a book called The Chain. You read quite fast or do you finish all the books? I'm not meaning to sound rude. No, so say the Fern Brady one that I was listening to, I was reading it and I was listening on audio.

So if I was out, I would listen on audio and then when I came back in, I would read. So I kind of get through them like that. Love that book, by the way. I thought it was brilliant. And this one, it's actually not a, it's a kind of a small enough book. It's called The Chain. The opening scene is, I think it's actually true. I think it's based on a true story. The opening scene is this woman's going out with this guy and they're together a while and she falls pregnant and he kind of convinces her to have an abortion. Yeah. So she goes to the clinic, takes the tablet, like that you start. I think they give you a tablet at the start. Anyway, she has the abortion.

He's like, I'll meet you. I'll be out in the waiting room. And she's like, no problem. She has the abortion, comes out. He's gone. Asshole. Gone from the waiting room. So she goes out, she rings him, he's blocked her.

Cuts her off completely. Yeah. And then she discovers through all this kind of Instagram, kind of wag at the Christie detective work, that there's actually loads of women he's done this to. It's brilliant. Like, do you remember that story we had in the pod where that guy, your woman was looking for the father of her child who had disappeared and then people found him in America? I know. Wild that people do that. I've had to wait. I have a question for you because I'm doing this other part at the moment that I'm doing the about surveillance

and stuff. And do you know what I was thinking? Do you know the way people film people on planes at the moment? There seems to be a lot of people getting filmed on planes and it's usually some lad who's either flirting with or chatting up another woman and it's clear that he's married to someone else. And people do these videos saying, by the way, if you're married to blah, blah, blah from blah, blah, blah, just so you know, he's about to meet up with some girl in Mallorca and then she puts it on the Internet. Do you agree with that or do you not agree with that?

Oh, I saw when you said that and I actually I clicked that I agree with it only because I thought that little scumbag, she deserves to know. But also I think that like you should just stay out of other people's business because first of all, you don't know what their relationship is doing and it's, it's, it's none of your business. Do you think, I just don't know if I agree with like a kind of giving them a viral moment for being a bit of a dick. Do you know what I mean? I don't know.

I don't know what the ethics are. It makes me feel a bit, I don't know. I don't think I agree with this. I know, but you know what I remember? Like people, like there's loads of people that like, like reality stories that get filmed doing drugs and stuff like that. Like it happened to a guy recently. And I just think like, it's just so mean to do it.

And it's like, you're literally, you're going out of your way to ruin someone's life. Yeah, they're doing something that they shouldn't be doing. But when have you done something? Like you always being right. Instead you're literally gonna just go and ruin someone's life because you get like a couple of hundred quid.

Or even just the kudos of having this bit of content that's got shared. Did you see the kudos of having this bit of content that gets shared. Did you see the footage of the woman recently in an airport? I saw it on TikTok and she's obviously on some sort of hallucinogenic. She's high and she's taking off all her clothes and she's trying to have sex with everyone in the airport. Like she's completely out of her mind and they're fucking filming her. And they put it on the internet and I was like, that is so cruel. Yeah, but she's going to come down. Imagine that come down. Imagine, you know, when you wake up

and you're like, Oh God, what did I do? Something really bad happened. Oh my God. I'm in the Daily Mail naked in an airport. Yeah, but people are psychopaths the way that they film stuff like that. You remember your man who got eaten, the British man got eaten by a shark off Tamarama beach in Sydney. And what do people do? They film it. You're filming somebody being savaged by a shark to post on the internet. So Joanne can watch. I was just about to say excuse me I haven't seen that. I don't want to Google that. But I'm kind of, I think we all are like drawn to that darkness. Like Vogue, you said, was it you that said,

the second you see a video that says it's blurred and it says sensitive. Straight in. Sensitive content, you're straight in. I can't. You're straight in. And then I'll be upset about it for the rest of the day. Yeah. I was actually gonna do,

cause I have this weird fascination with Tom Cruise. I think it's since we have said that he was an alien and now I'm absolutely a hundred percent convinced of it. But anyway, so I read this thing about his diet and I love hearing. So basically everywhere he goes, he's on a summer health kick. He will only eat steamed white fish and veg, no salt, no oil, no butter, wherever he goes. He gets up at half five to go to the gym. I don't think that's that weird. Like when you see Mark Wahlberg getting up at like 3 AM. 2 AM, yeah. But they're all kind of at it. I remember one day I did a juice diet. And when I say

one day, I mean four hours, I basically had juice for breakfast and then I had to, I hated it. I hated it so much. I felt like I was drinking cold swamp. And I was like, I had two of the juices. And I was like, I cannot do four days of this. So I lasted till lunchtime and then I just had my lunch. I was like, this is it. It's not for me. Do you remember when Tom Cruise had one mono tooth in the middle of his face? Do you remember before he got his teeth done, he'd one huge tooth.

I need to I need to look. And I don't have to say allegedly Joe, because the footage is, the evidence is there. He'd won like a mono brow, but a tooth. Cruz before teeth. We always have to remember Joe, we're not ugly, we're poor. Oh my goodness. Wow. Yes.

Yes. He looks like you'd be scared to cross him in a in a laneway on your own. Wouldn't you? Got you. Very peaky brows. Yeah. Oh my. Quite vampire-y. Alien-esque some might say. Do you know I used to have a gap in my teeth and I got rid of it. I'd love a gap. I'd fucking love a gap. Well I would now. Obviously I would now but it's gone. I'd love a big gap. I think they're so cool. I know. You can get them, you know, you can get them put in. Artificially, I know it sounds awful, doesn't it?

I had to get that thing, you know, the piece of skin that attaches your lip to your gum. I had to get half of that cut away because I wanted my gap to close. So when I got half of that cut away, my gap just closed. Ooh. I know, so stupid though. My mom has a gap in her teeth.

And she's like, Nanny Sandra, where's your tooth gone? What was it, Theodore? Do you remember Theodore asked me, why don't you have any children? Do you remember he asked me that? I was attacked. It's a long story, sit down. Let me take a load off. I was attacked. It's a long story, sit down.

Let me take a load off. That's it for this week. I've been Joanne McNally, she has been Vogue Williams. You're a snazzy girl. Snazzy Joanne. I've got to go. This sparkler can't stay inside all night. I've got jokes to tell. You