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It's like in Sex & The City...

July 19, 20240 comments♥ 0
00:00 This is a Global Player Original Podcast. It's Slagstrip McNally They're back We're actually going even heavier On the Slagstrips I'm going to get some thicker back Because do you know what's happened? Do you know what started Fucking happening to me? Grey hair obviously Everyone has grey hair Yes Everyone has grey hair
00:33 Joanne Sorry no They actually don't Not everyone has grey hair And I have Been up to this point Getting away with Murder
00:40 And suddenly Overdose They're your first grey hairs I had I always Not always But like of late're your first grey hairs I had I always Not always But like of late Maybe in the last year
00:48 I had I was getting a little white streak Just at the front But that was like You know This is life We roll with the grey punches But now it's started
00:56 To kind of feed itself Back into the main hairline Oh that's a bit annoying now Yes So now I'm going back into Larry King And I'm saying Katie It's slag strips all over now
01:09 To the day I die A full head please Of all bleach blonde Although I have Slag head Slapper now It's not even slag strip It's full slapper head
01:18 Just peroxide hair Is the right word Not have it Spenny would like Honestly die of joy If I walked in the hair With like bleach Blonde hair
01:27 He would Just lose it He'd love it so much It is very sexy It's just the maintenance Of it is so hard Whenever I see Somebody with bright
01:35 Blonde hair I'm like Is that your own hair Or is that a wig Because how Is it staying on I don't understand Mine just comes out
01:42 In tufts And I've got these little Strands just popping out I knowfts and I've got these little strands just popping out. I know a girl who has a delicious head of like real Scandi blonde hair and in photos and everything it looks gorgeous
01:55 and stunning and it just pops. But in the real world when you meet her and you talk to her about it she's like it's hanging on by the hanging on by its what's nails? By the carrot. Hanging on like It's hanging on By the Hanging on by it's What's nails?
02:06 By the Hanging on by the skin of it's teeth Ha Hanging on By the skin of it's bleached teeth That's what she said to me So it can look good in photos And all that jazz
02:14 But it's It's so hard to keep it You absolutely Cannot keep it Em I just wish I looked good as a brunette But I just don't I look like a fucking
02:22 Mushroom I was Like I was dark Dark for a while And I looked Fucking awful a brunette But I just don't I look like a fucking mushroom I was Like I was dark Dark for a while And I looked Fucking awful Like real bad Yeah
02:29 Not good I remember that And remember But do you remember When I first got that job In Republic Italian They dyed my hair They didn't dye my hair red
02:37 But I Dyed my hair red I thought that was Just for the sketch That was your daily hair Yes What That was not That was not That was your daily hair Yes What That was not
02:46 That was not like a satirical hairstyle That was That was the real thing Oh my Do you remember you used to have the hair down to the RS You used to have the best longest hair It was gross Oh it was
03:00 I'd say that took you Honestly did it take four or five hours to blow dry I cannot believe This far into our friendship You would even think For a second That I blow dried it Yeah I didn't
03:11 Listen I was just trying to be nice It looked messy as fuck I knew it wasn't blow dried It blow dried Who's blow drying that What's your man's name The blind guy That everyone thinks
03:21 Can actually see Andrea Bocelli No It is so funny You know you're a Kardashian fan That Andrea Bocelli Is the first blind person You think of
03:33 Did I tell you that one time And it's still floating around And I don't know why I'm sure we've discussed this People send it to me occasionally When you Google When you put Joanne McNally Into the search engine
03:42 You know the way like The most common searches come up Yeah And for a couple of months One of them was Is she blind when you Google, when you put Joanne McNally into the search engine, you know the way like the most common searches come up? Yeah. And for a couple of months, one of them was, is she blind? Why? I have no idea.
03:52 I never clicked in. I try to stay out of anything about myself that I feel might bring me harm. And I feel like a thread about am I blind or not probably isn't where I want to spend my time.
04:02 Oh my God. But yeah, is she blind? Is Joanne McNally? It was like, is Joanne McNally, you know, going out with someone, did Joanne McN But yeah. Is she blind? Is Gerard McNally? It was like, is Gerard McNally, you know, going out with someone?
04:07 Did Gerard McNally break up with that person? Is Gerard McNally blind? Well, do you know what? You know the rumour is Vogue Williams actually a man? Well, that's just never going to go away now
04:17 after my pop shots this week. I sent it to you with the little dick in the picture. Yes. So here we are complaining about a flap maybe falling out of a bikini or something like that worst case scenario I there's there's two paps right they come and they sit in the beach they sit there and like as soon as you stand up to
04:34 get in the water they're like out like whatever it's their job it doesn't matter and um and anyway so I was walking back and I saw pictures in the daily mail and I was like oh here we go because I do love reading the abusiveness I don't know I can't help myself anyway back to the pop shop so I was walking back from the beach and then I saw a picture of myself there was my arse grand sorry I thought your arse looked great
04:57 thank you very much thank you really really no no no credit where credit's due now don't do that whole Irish thing Where you say It's shit I bought it for cheap Just enjoy it Nine euro pennies
05:08 Thank you Yeah That ass sure cost me nothing It's been in the family For years Yeah No and then there was like My hand had moved
05:19 Slightly in the picture So it looks like My index finger Looks like the Tiniest little dick And it's just there. And that's it. I just have a dick in the paper.
05:28 Was there, did people cop it? No, I saw it straight away. Because obviously I was zooming in on the RS to see if there was any spot bot or anything going on. I was fine. And then I saw the dick. You were. Well, what I would say is, I didn't notice the tiny dick until you pointed it out to me. And if the Daily Mail haven't spotted it,
05:48 well, obviously they will have now because we've discussed it, but I just feel like you'd be better hung than that. Do you know what I mean? That that's, it was, it was small. It was, it wasn't great now.
05:58 I'd be, if I went home with you on a one night stand, I wouldn't be staying, is what I'm saying. No, yeah, absolutely wouldn't. staying, is what I'm saying. No, you absolutely wouldn't. But like, it kind of looks like an overgrown cliff is what it could have been. Just hanging, hanging out.
06:13 And I was like, that's not... It was a bit bigger than that now. It was a bit bigger than that now. Have you seen Embarrassing Bodies? Is it Embarrassing Bodies? No, not in a long time. No, not Embarrassing Bodies. What's the one with Anna Richardson?
06:24 Naked Attraction. Oh, yes. with Anna Richardson? Naked Attraction. Oh, yes. Yes. I love Naked Attraction at times. I know. Other times I'm like, this is absolutely wild. What am I watching?
06:34 Everyone is lovely and gorgeous in their own way, but some of the clits are longer than others. And that could have been one. Anyway. Well, the bigger, the better, the easier to find.
06:43 No? You won't think that though that's my problem mine's too discreet well the thing about it well come on i can barely find it myself it's really hidden in there my clitoris is the art of discretion i'd love a huge one i don't listen i don't think it's The size of it Yeah but you There's only one certain Area of it
07:08 And then they If you had a huge one They'd find it even Harder to find One good area No surely It's all wired The same way
07:16 It's just No The smaller the clip Has less Wiring And if it's Bulging And it's got more wires to it
07:24 It's just ready to pop. It's amazing. Bulging. So I was sick as a dog yesterday. I mean... I'm surprised you're back today, to be honest with you. Aren't you? Aren't we all?
07:42 I am a trooper. I like to pride myself on, I think, having a kind of a freakishly strong immune system. But I don't know why. It's like me thinking I have a sense of direction. I'm repeatedly proven wrong on this. Anyway, it was one of those 24-hour things. Just awful.
07:59 Constant nausea. Couldn't keep anything down. Couldn't keep water down. Like, horrible. But I was so thirsty because I couldn't keep it down that I drank loads and I just knew I'd get sick again. It was horrible. Sometimes you have to do that though. It's like to alleviate
08:11 that dehydration and then you're like you know. You have to. You're like I can't stop myself. It was horrible. But listen, we all get sick, blah, blah, blah. But obviously because I live alone it was particularly depressing. It was so depressing. I was like, I could just choke to death on my own vomit here.
08:29 And the only people that even know I was dead were Vogue and Joe. And I don't turn up for the podcast at four o'clock the next day. I was like, do you know what I was thinking of doing? I was like, because I had to get a couple of Deliveroo lads up. Just for like the soup. Like Lucas Aiden stuff. You had soup. How could you put that
08:45 In your mouth When you're sick Because I had to eat something So I was I mean I'm not getting Too bad Try toast What the hell is wrong with you
08:53 I was like vomiting Like it was Like bile and all Like it was My stomach was Out of control I don't know what the fuck It was
09:01 It was A vomiting drug It was contracting Like it was contracting like it was contracting i had to put something in it i had to how nice is that you know you know just after you vomit how nice is the next 15 minutes where you're like oh god i'm okay and then again yeah and the false sense of security that it's all past and then you lie down and the nausea starts building again honest toest to God.
09:25 But I was like, what am I going to do? I was like, I'm going to have to get one of the Deliveroo lads in to kind of put a wet towel on my head or something. Rub your back. Yeah, it's like,
09:34 if you don't hold my hair back while I get sick, you're not getting the code. You're not getting the code until you've fed me soup and taken my temperature. It was the, honestly,
09:44 I can't obviously speak to the two of you because you don't understand what it's like. Being sick and single and living alone is fucking grim. And I felt really sorry for myself. I will tell you one of my favorite things about being sick, right? It's telling people I'm okay, that I don't need anything if Spenny comes in. But it's also lying on the floor Screaming out Like
10:05 Just so he'll come back into me So I understand Where you're coming from Because that is one of my favourite parts I don't know if that's the same at all But I guess my point is When I scream No one comes
10:16 But thank you For that strange comparison That's why I feel I feel sad I feel sad for you Because it's the best bit You feel sad for me Yeah
10:22 Yeah it is You should have got a pass on FaceTime Just like It was the first time I considered moving her into the flat I was like I can't go on like this What happens It's gonna happen again Like that was a 24 hour thing
10:36 If I'd had Imagine she gets food poisoning No I'd check myself into a nursing home I'd be like I need to convalesce With company for a couple of days Do you know I had to record A podcast when I had a vomiting bug And those brief 15 minutes
10:53 I had to I have to record it So I'd vom, I'd record for about 11 minutes And then I'd vom again and lie down for a while And then it took an hour and a half To record the pod It's awful The vomiting is actually not that And lie down for a while And then it took It took an hour and a half To record the part Because I had to keep doing it It's awful
11:05 But the worst is The vomiting is actually Not that It's the It's the nauseous part Of the build up to it But it reminded me Do you remember
11:14 Where I I refer everything back to My bible The episode of Sex and the City When Samantha got really really sick And she tried to ring around All her situationships To come and help her.
11:25 Do you remember this? And none of them would come and she was like, fuck you! And she like couldn't breathe and she was like pulling the curtains down to cover the light. That was basically me
11:34 except I had no situationships to ring. I had 11 hours sleep last night and now you'll be glad to hear that. 11 hours sleep last night. I know you'll be glad to hear that. 11 hours sleep before... Sleep before Otto? He was still awake when I was going to sleep in the room. The thing about it is, sick people are gross. Unless it's you. Like, I remember Alexander, my brother was sick. And he was like, I was like, oh, go,
12:07 go like chill in our room or something. And then I went into the room and I was like, oh, the smell of sickness in the room. And I was like, no, I was like, get out. I was like, I had to open all the doors, change the sheets. I was like, I can't, I don't want the sickness. Yeah. But you're like a, like, you're kind of like a germy, germaphobe. Do you know what as well?
12:24 I think lads are As much as I was Like I was situated Which obviously I wouldn't do anyway But when I was living with a lad Who I was obviously going out with also I got a bug off a boat I was railing and sailing at home
12:37 God knows why Fuck knows Who knows why It's 38 quid That's probably why It must be It must be It must be yeah
12:44 I think you enjoyed, you secretly enjoyed the sailing, Renny, because you're kind of uncontactable for loads of time as well. And all the water. It's peaceful.
12:53 It feels like, you know, you're kind of at one with your ancestors. Irish Ferry is real bloody peaceful. Titanic vibes. Exactly the same, actually. Exactly the same.
13:04 Yeah, there's just like a band Playing the violin on the deck And just like gorgeous things Like that on the Stenna Really beautiful settings If you upgrade to the Irish Ferries It's even nicer Well we
13:14 Yeah They do a good fry They do a good fry on the Ferries They do And they do a good Burger King Do they have Burger King On the ferry? Yeah they do
13:24 Well they certainly on the Back when I was back in my day When I was getting the rail and sail on the regular There was definitely a Burger King in there Have you ever splashed out and got one of the rooms And you just go and lie there And it's like well I didn't need this for the two hours Absolutely not
13:41 No way Although I have upgraded myself A couple of times On the ferry For some reason And the upgrade Is an extra tenner It just means you get to sit Further up in the boat
13:50 There's no There's no actual perks To it at all Except you're just Further up Sometimes I actually And again
13:58 It's down to me Being a bit of a cheap bitch Sometimes I'm like I'm actually happy here It's like on the train They were doing upgrades For a tenner
14:04 To first class And there is a big difference Between And I was like Oh yeah No I've It's like on the train They were doing upgrades For a tenner To first class And there is a big difference Between And I was like Oh yeah No I've got a plug No one's sitting beside me I'm happy here
14:10 You are next level Like you're like Mentally ill When it comes to spending money I would definitely upgrade Like I would go First class now If I
14:20 Because I I kind of do like To travel well Because I used to travel So badly But anyway So I got this bug on the ferry So got back into the house
14:30 And it was 24 hours of You can imagine now Hell Awful The whole thing awful And he's like basically Went to his job Did some of his like after school activities,
14:47 came back maybe threw a piece of toast at me, like very little care given, you know, kind of almost delayed coming home, I would say. I would say delayed coming home rather than came home earlier. And then, so the next morning I woke up and like that, on the button of 24 hours, it had lifted. And he was like, how do you feel? And I was like, oh, it's gone. It's gone. He's like, all right, listen, see you later.
15:10 I'm going to work. And I was like, bye. Within an hour, he was back in the door. And I say bursting through the door, face sweating and into the bathroom. And it was so interesting. Serves him right. Watching the cycle of a 24 hour bug. The contagion of it Like just
15:26 It was wild To see It was so funny to see And of course When he was sick I was like Florence Nightingale I was making soup
15:35 From scratch and all Do you know what I mean What's the crack With her making soup For people that are vomiting Well what else Are you supposed to eat You're supposed to have
15:44 Dry toast You can't have soup That's like That's like drinking that are vomiting. Well, what else are you supposed to eat? You're supposed to have dry toast. You can't have soup. That's like that's like drinking back your vomit or something. Like you've just vomited soup like substances
15:53 and then you're giving them soup. Folk. It is not like that. You're warming your when people are sick you give them soup. That's what you give them.
16:02 When they have a cold not when they've got the vomiting bug. The vomiting bug, no wonder you were so ill yesterday. You just kept reinfecting. You were feeding the bug. The soup's quite creamy and buttery.
16:13 No, it was like a brat. It was like a chicken, very dry brat. Listen, I was on my own, okay? You're lucky I fucking survived, to be honest. I should be on a drip Down the hospital I healed myself
16:30 With brats Because that's what Gwyneth Paltry uses And I said If it's good enough for me It's good enough for me I once got food poisoning From duck pancakes
16:38 And Oh Jesus And I was so violently ill But for four days That like I became so weak I had to go to hospital Like it got really really bad
16:48 Yeah Yeah This duck is like Well it is a bird But like Why are we going to say It's like a bird It's like a bird
16:55 Per se Kind of like a bird Kind of like a bird Not fully Kind of looks like one But we're not sure I don't know why I wouldn't really put a duck In a bird category I don't a bird. Not fully. Kind of looks like one, but we're not sure. I don't know why I wouldn't really put a duck
17:07 in a bird category. I don't know why. I feel like they get their own. Like a goose. I could not agree more. I actually don't know if a duck is a bird. Google it there, Jo.
17:16 I think a duck, I think a duck is a duck. I think it's like calling a skateboard a bicycle. I agree. Yeah. Google it there, Jo. Oh my god
17:25 He's actually googling it A duck is part of the bird family Come on Well the bird family now But like A duck is a Group of species of water birds A water bird
17:35 So he's a water bird I told you I told you he was a bird Anyway Very sick off the Cut out all the bit Where I agreed Just leave it at that
17:46 Vogue Come on I was trying Anyway so you You ate a bird And you got sick Bird flu I ate
17:58 Yeah I had bird flu I was so violently ill And but like Whenever I get a vomiting bug And I get a vomiting bug every year from the kids like i'm surprised i'm not catching it off you like this because i get it so often and my mom will be like oh i heard you're sick and you know you're so sick and she goes well imagine how great you'll feel after you lose a few pounds tomorrow. It's like no mom, I won't feel great.
18:26 That's a very mothers of our generation take on physical illness. Sandra being with the vomiting bug doing little weights in the bed just to really get the most out of it. Well I'm glad that you're back to your best. I told you, always make sure you have
18:41 activated charcoal in your house because it supposedly swallows up the bug Pretty complete bullshit I thought that's what They gave you when you overdose Overdose on what? Like heroin? I don't think so
18:53 No like tablets They put charcoal On your stomach to pump it Really? Isn't that true? Yeah Pretty sure Imagine I pumped my own stomach
19:01 God I can really do anything Can't I? I'm such a strong independent woman Except for the vomiting bug But all the rest of the time I am a strong business bitch The problem The problem with the vomiting bug though
19:13 Is that you can't do anything about it You just like Nothing Nothing You have to wait till it passes It's like a bad trip You just have to ride it There's nothing you can do
19:24 It's Oh my god when i went skiing i got oysters oysters in the fucking mountain i know now how stupid that was yeah really bad food poisoning but such bad food poisoning that i couldn't even enjoy my phone because every time i was crawling people were uploading photos of food and i was like it's like when i go to tex I'll be like I found a gorgeous sushi restaurant that I'm I can't wait to try there's never anyone in it but
19:53 the show is cancelled confirms good service come here to me so you've had an awful week I haven't told you My big news My big bad news I sat in a bee And it stung me Yeah
20:10 Me and Sven Were talking in the car Stop Down here And T was like Daddy have you been So he just brought up Have you been stung by a bee
20:17 And we were like God actually We haven't been stung by a bee In ages The next day I got stung By a bee And only because
20:24 I've been watching the Instagram scroll things Like the TikToks Did I know that you had to pull out the little sucker Because supposedly it keeps pushing stuff into your leg Wherever it's stung you So I pulled it out and it was actually Grant Oh my god you're like a paramedic Yeah I learnt so much off Instagram
20:40 So how did you find the little Oh I knew straight away. Did you have to kind of pull your dick to the side to find it? It stung me on the tip of the dick. It stung me on the tip
20:56 of the dick. Of course it did, yeah. So you pulled it out yourself? No, Amber's friend pulled it out for me This sounds like the start Of a terrible kind of environmentally Aware porno
21:10 I mean it did not look great And all I was thinking is if that pap takes a picture Of me because like you're jumping up And down screaming it is The first few seconds are like And then the fact that I hate Things like that touching me so I sat On it so it had been in contact with my body And I was just like oh and then the fact that i hate things like that touching me so i sat on it so it had been in contact with my body and i was just like oh i hate it well you know that we're supposed
21:31 it's like i mean technically you killed the bee i know i know listen i wasn't looking where i was going it was a fatal accident and i'm very sorry about it i've forgiven him he has not forgiven me well no he's because he's absolutely dead and we need them for the environment well you know that I've no interest in the environment
21:49 you're basically I've three kids I've no interest in the environment fuck it you're as bad as Taylor Swift in that PJ
21:55 she really does just sitting on bees did you see your man Travis Kelski is wearing a guard hat did you see this Joe do you know what the guardie are that's the police isn't it
22:04 yes it is well done Joe you're nearly going to see this Joe Do you know what the Garda are That's the police isn't it Yes It is Well done Joe You're nearly going to get Your passport soon you know He wishes Oh my god Get your little Irish passport
22:12 Yeah But yeah he was wearing A Garda hat No one knows where he got it I think it's illegal Well it is I bet you one of them Gave it to him
22:19 But I'd say they're expensive now You're not allowed In person at a Garda Or are you Only strippers are allowed To do it from what I can tell. You can buy guard outfits in the...
22:29 Well it's illegal to pretend you're in the FBI. Do you do that? How do you know that? Do you do that? Because I'm about to do five to six. I'm about to do hard time. I tried to pimp up my hinge profile by saying I was in the FBI And Three of them came through
22:48 The door last night With one of those A battering ram Yes Yeah And I'm off to prison now Fuck it It's worth it
22:56 Got three new matches Sorry Speaking of the FBI One of my favourite stories From this week There's a podcast Which I didn't know about Up to this point, but I do know about it now, called Dating Detectives. So basically, it's a detective who takes someone you're dating or have been dating and they find out if anything they've said is true. I kind of like that.
23:21 I know. I'll be listening in. Oh my God. Anyway, this woman's on it and she, her ex told her he was in the FBI.
23:32 Now, I read the article. I don't mean to victim shame, but I will say this. If there was absolutely no evidence that your fellow's in the FBI, other than him just saying the words,
23:43 I'm in the FBI, I think eyebrows should be raised and questions should be asked. He had nothing. He didn't even have a big fucking, he didn't even have a water pistol with agent written up the side of it in the house. He had absolutely nothing.
23:55 He made no effort to suggest he was in the FBI except telling her she was in the FBI. Where was the badge? You'd straight away ask to see the badge. Come on. But he's not even in the FBI. Flash the badge. Those comedy check sized badges in the hall. He's like
24:10 oh sorry. Sorry about that. I'll move to the shed. You shouldn't have seen that. Toy handcuffs on the stairs. Sorry about that. I just don't know why people tell lies like that though. You're obviously going to get caught out. Well you see the problem with the FBI is you can't
24:25 it's all so secretive that I guess they kind of get away with it the FBI aren't secretive that's the secret service they're the secret ones the FBI are like out and about
24:34 flashing their badge going everywhere I think because there's no yeah that's true actually that's true but I found that a lot of these
24:41 kind of a lot of men and this woman did say in fairness she was like he didn't try and con me out of money. He didn't say that he had to like borrow money to kind of change his identity as some of them do. He just wanted her to think he was a big, important man with a gun. And I think that a lot of men have that fantasy. It's like when we're young and we pretend we're like princesses or whatever.
25:03 That's what they're doing. They're dressing up as FBI agents, but they're 52. I'm literally trying to think of a time that I told a lie like that. I don't think I've done it, to be honest, with anybody. You're one anyway. The way she found out was she had a friend who works in the Secret Service. A woman friend. And the friend looked it up and told her he's not in the FBI.
25:24 Now, if that isn't sisterhood activity I think it's a federal offence To look it up I'm pretty sure Can you rat people out for not being in the FBI I don't know what the rules are But it reminded me of a time I was seeing this guy
25:39 And we worked in and around the same area And I used to go into this coffee shop loads for work And one day The waitress came up to me She said can I speak to you for a second And I was like yeah of course Because I was in there a good bit And she's like look I don't know if I'm talking out of turn here But you know that guy you're seeing
25:56 And I was like yes And she's like he was in here on a date yesterday Fucking asshole But like fair fucking play to her And I was like thank you to her And I was like Thank you so much And she was like I'm a girl's girl
26:08 I love that But then Do you know what Thank you That's what you fucking need Cut out all that Bicycle analogy and all I'm not happy with that
26:23 Yeah the skateboard Leave all that in analogy and all. Yeah, the skateboard. Leave all that in, Jo. Make me sound intelligent, okay? I need to show you this picture because I saw this man and I thought, Joanne needs to be with that man. Oh, wait, maybe he has a wife.
26:41 It doesn't matter. Let's pretend he doesn't. Wimbledon. I mean, wives, I can take them. Wimbledon. Pierce Brosnan. Look at him smizing away at Wimbledon. I thought he would be gorgeous for you.
26:56 Look at him. No? Do you know, for a second, I genuinely thought you were going to give me an authentic suggestion. What the hell is wrong? It's James Bond. So you want to set me up authentic suggestion For happiness What the hell's wrong It's James Bond So you want to set me up
27:06 For another rejection Is that it Imagine me trying to slip into Pierce Brosnan's DMs I'll try and do it now Will I see If he has Instagram Oh he is married
27:15 He's married Oh that's what's Holding me back That's a real shame now I really should have Looked into that I can see Pierce being like I'm so sorry Joanne
27:24 I obviously would But I'm so sorry, Joanne. I obviously would, but I'm married. Oh, God damn this wedding ring. This forsaken ring. I can't go down. But like, you're all I think about. I cannot stop thinking about you naked on your giant couch.
27:38 But sadly, I am married. Okay, I'm going to bring it back to Harry Styles. Okay, he's single now. Thank you, yes. Something a little more attainable. Well, you need going to bring it back to Harry Styles. Okay, he's single now. Thank you, yes. Something a little more attainable. Well, you need to do stuff like follow him or something. Like make a move, for God's sake. I'm playing hard to get.
27:52 I'm playing the long game with Harry. Well, this is going to be a really long game if you don't try and get in touch at all. I just don't know about him and those jumpsuits. It's like, that's kind of my thing. I feel like he's kind of crossing the line. By the way, do you know there is a website called Wingman where you
28:09 operate it on my behalf? I'd love to do that. You operate it and their friends operate it and you match us up and then we just go. Oh my God, that's a really good idea. I thought you were talking about that. There's a chicken wing place called Wingman.
28:27 No. Yum. That's actually a really good, that's a really good idea. Isn't it? But now, there's been a couple of, I was at this thing and like, I bumped into a guy that I had friends
28:38 who were trying to set me up with him and I just was like, how on earth could you think that that was ever going to be a thing? Well, but you know what? And I know sometimes these things can go a little awry and it feels like an attack on your character. But I've been doing a bit of reading recently
28:54 about kind of what men look for in relationships and what women look for in relationships as research for the ongoing book situation. And it talks about, oh yeah, that women, while we do value looks Personality can win out Because women want to be Provided for it that's why obviously rich ugly lads Are fucking cleaning up but
29:13 What I will say as well is Most of my ex-boyfriends I don't think I ever would have swiped on Them on a dating app had I just Seen their face and I don't say that to be Mean no because some of them were the funniest most interesting same people I've ever met my life but I had to get to know
29:30 them and then they were the most beautiful people I'd ever seen I would just gaze at their beauty for hours on end because I knew them then and their personality but I don't know if men are the same I think men were they'd happily just stick with looks men are not The same But like
29:45 I was the same With Spenny When we were Obviously on the jump together I had no interest in him Because I just Like when we first started Because I just wouldn't
29:53 I fancied him He knows I don't know why I'm starting to whisper But I wouldn't have I would never have Like fancied him When I would have seen him
29:59 On events and stuff like that On the TV I would never have fancied him You got to know him Yeah I got to know him And I was like God Your face looks much nicer now Yes Whereas I think Stuff like that on the TV I would never have fancied them You got to know them Yeah I got to know them And I was like God Your face looks much nicer now
30:07 Yes Whereas I think Lads sometimes It's the other way around I think they're very I've said it before I'll say it again I have this theory
30:15 Which is probably incorrect And like I say This podcast isn't known For nuance We deal in sweeping statements And generalisations But I feel like men Wear hot women
30:25 like a watch. They want to be, they want to be admired for being able to get a hot woman the same way as they want to be admired for being able to afford
30:32 an expensive watch. They, like, that's what I feel like men sometimes buy into that, that, oh,
30:39 they want, they want the respect of other men. They want, yeah, they want, oh, wow,
30:43 look what you're buying and Jesus, she's a 10 out of 10 even though they don't necessarily get on with them that well that's what I think I have a friend
30:51 and he always goes out for the same kind of looking girls girls that would you'd be like like really long like really long hair really well done off
30:57 like looking gorgeous like petite little like beautiful girls and then we'd have to sit through the whole like oh let's go on a double date And it's like please god not this again
31:08 Because you know they're not going to last Like they're absolutely beautiful But he can't help himself Always goes for the same one He wants the shiny ones It's again similar to that scene in Sex and the City When Miranda Oh my god she's managed to bring Sex and the City
31:23 Into this podcast Three times In the last Two weeks There was nothing It didn't deal with It dealt with Every single theme Have you been watching it again
31:31 Or something I haven't I've just I've never been thinking about it You should treat yourself And watch an episode I'd love to I need to find my box set
31:40 Do do do do do do There was an episode Where Miranda goes out Goes on a date with this guy and they go on a couple of dates and then he brings her for dinner with his friends. And then it's all couples.
31:50 And then when they go into the kitchen after because it's in one of the friend's houses, all the women are like, oh my God, thank God. He's finally brought someone interesting.
31:56 And she's like, what? And she's like, he's a modelizer. He only dates models. And traditionally, the stereotype is that he's like, they come around,
32:04 they push their food Around their plate They don't say anything And then they leave So basically They're kind of saying She literally knows All the words
32:11 Yeah It's my Roman Empire That is exactly What one of Spence's friends does And it's just like Come on Like you know
32:20 Stop going for the same people That you're not gonna But that's why I think There's a real problem With dating apps And not meeting somebody In real life Because like
32:25 Like Joanne You and I both know We have fancied Some very unattractive people In our lifetimes But it's because They're so sound and fun I know
32:34 Like any Like Pete Davidson Cleaning up Funny Yeah Personality Yeah It's all about the personality
32:40 I was actually Again reading As part of this research thing It was saying that dating apps, some men are saying it's like ruined their lives because
32:50 I think they say the kind of high status men on dating apps say there's 10% of men on dating apps that would be like
33:01 classically high status. Like they have kind of everything that women are looking for And they get 90% Of the female interest Yeah I just think that like As hard as it is you need to try and meet
33:13 Somebody in real life and not a dating app Oh I left the house recently No it wasn't for long Of course not Where did I go? Why would you need to when you've got the windows Open you don't need to leave your house. Sunshine's right in there. I'm going to just start
33:30 trying to hook in hot lads who are jogging through Clapham. Oi! I heard them in like a sheepdog. I can't whistle, but if I could do that, that's what I would do. I went for a dinner
33:39 with my friend Susan to this really lovely restaurant over in East London. And as I was in the Uber arriving into East London I was like I think I'm missing a drink it's a way sexier part of the city Joanne I used to
33:53 clean up in Shoreditch House every time I went there I'd kiss someone I think that's my spiritual home I think South West London it might be a little bit chic for me no you're not moving you have to stay near me but I'll let you go out on the weekends
34:08 your house is up for sale on the weekends yeah but I'm staying in the area what do you think has happened since we spoke about it yesterday
34:19 oh okay oh my god hold on oh my god I love this game oh my god it's not oh god I love this game Oh my god It's not Oh it's not good
34:27 It's not good Sorry I'm chewing on my mate Something really bad Has happened Is it to do with Amber Well she has Yeah yeah
34:36 That's one of them Oh my god Jo What were we talking about What were we talking about Is there a sick bug We talked about sick bugs No Theodore
34:43 Has the vomiting bug No Amber Has just been spewing upstairs No I know Is there a sick bug? We've talked about sick bugs. No. Theodore has the vomiting bug. No. Amber has just been spewing upstairs. No. I know. And my tummy isn't feeling great. We should probably explain that this is the next day.
34:56 So when we were talking about Joanne being sick, that was yesterday. Okay, so. Now a day has gone past. So now we were talking about Joanne having the vomiting bug and then it travelled through the computer. Theodore had the vomiting bug And then It travelled through the computer Theodora had the vomiting bug This morning And Listen to Theodora's vomiting bug though
35:10 I don't want to talk too much about it Because we did a lot of chat around that Yeah He was three pukes done Back Egg sandwich Out Perfect
35:18 Is that because he's got a tiny stomach? Maybe it is I'd say it is Like he doesn't have The physical capacity. Oh, are the sirens a problem? It's just London, mate.
35:30 Yesterday when we were recording your windows were open. Sorry, shut. Now they're open. So that's okay. It's London, innit? Innit? It's bloody,
35:38 bloody London. I keep trying to, I keep trying to figure out how to use innit. Innit. Now, listen, unless you start hanging around short of choice,
35:46 maybe you can bring it into your vocabulary around there. I'll allow it. I think it's like, there you go. In it. No. I think that. Oh, yeah, yeah, it is. I think it's basically, I think it's like, basically, or there you go.
35:59 It's like, London, there you go. It's London. In it. I've been here for a couple of years. I think that's what it is. She's right. She is right. I used to go out with a rapper
36:09 and he used to say in it a lot, which I very much enjoyed. I'm not going to lie, it's hot. It's real hot. I don't know why it's hot, but it's dirty. It burns the gusset. A dirty East London accent. Stop. It doesn't. It burns the gusset. A dirty East London accent.
36:25 Stop. It doesn't. Oh my God. Gives a heat to the undercarriage, I would say. Severe fire in there. Unsure if it's thrush or if it's the innit.
36:37 You never know because it's so exciting. It's not innit, Vogue. Come on now. Innit, innit. It's innit. Yeah. John, I'm like
36:45 You're blowing That's like an English person Trying to pronounce Siobhan It's just It's barbaric So we can't We have to be careful And it's
36:53 We have to be respectful It's not in it It's in it In it London in it Now you've blown into London In the last two years I've been living here
37:02 For most of my adult life I know it more than you I'm older than you years I've been living here for most of my adult life I know it more than you I'm older than you so I've lived here for more of my adult life because I'm more of an adult no no you have not and nothing would suggest to me that you're an adult do you know when I moved here it was the I think it was three years ago yeah no it was more I think it was Three years ago? Yeah No it was more I think it was more I think it was just I think the bat Was leaving the cage In Wuhan I think
37:28 He was just crawling out In the laboratory He was just crawling Out of the lab Yeah For a late night sesh And that's around The time I moved
37:38 Because I moved with Nothing but hope In my heart It was a good move To be fair It was Well done It was the timing The timing was a good move, to be fair. It was well done. It was well done.
37:47 The timing was a little, you know, whatever. Look, it all worked out in the end. You better stop saying that or I'm going to become extremely sexually attracted to you.
37:54 Sorry. So just stop it. Sorry, sorry. You gorgeous ride. Sorry, every time you say Sandra, I'm like, fuck off.
38:06 Leave that in. Send that to my mom. Clip that up and send it to my mom. Sandra, fuck off. Every time I say Sandra, my Siri thinks I'm talking to it. That's why I tell Sandra to fuck off. I apologize, Sandra.
38:23 I was trying to tell you yesterday So basically Joanne's laptop has died She's finally given in and purchased another one So that's why we're now on this one today Apple gifted me one because they need the business Not Apple gifted me one And then stole two grand Out of my account
38:38 It was weird timing The only thing you can say is You're okay for the next six years Once you just don't throw it in the bath again like mine is pretty old i'm a bit worried about her but like well she's given me four years so far i respect obviously i'm honored that you think i wouldn't throw in the bath because the reason i had to replace the last one if the last one's only a year old yeah well this is the problem with you just, you don't look after your things.
39:06 You lose them. You break them. You shouldn't have nice things. What actually happened was, and it's very boring. I won't bore the listeners. Tell me a lie. It's not a lie. I put a bottle of water in my backpack because I like to stay hydrated because I'm an adult.
39:22 Fair. And that's a responsible thing you do. But I didn't put the lid on. Oh adult and that's a responsible thing you do but I didn't put the lid on oh now that's unfortunate no do you know what's insane about it and this is why like I don't I probably should be
39:35 I don't know I don't know how or why it was the middle of the day there wasn't a single drink taken I put the bottle in the bag it wasn't even a loose lid there was no lid on it I just put bottle in the bag. It wasn't even a loose lid. There was no lid on it. I just put it in topless. Well, it didn't stand a chance.
39:52 Of course it didn't. Because when I found what I had done, and it was definitely me, because I have no children to blame. And I looked and I was like, oh my God, the lid, the lid. There was no, the lid hadn't kind of loosened or the lid hadn't, there no lid you were in a rush it's fine I was in a rush
40:09 folk I was in a rush do you remember in school and you used to a yogurt you used to fill in your bag to ruin my life oh yeah the op good luck the yogurt and you'd get out and it'd be all over your copy books and stuff like oh god there's no saving this and it's just dank I was trying to tell you the story about this mad story that I heard yesterday when I saw it India's richest man
40:30 so super rich people in India they actually buy themselves skyscrapers to live in skyscrapers and like there's there's tons and tons
40:39 and tons of them where families just live in these skyscrapers all the floors yeah google it and half like some of the floors will google it and half like some of the floors will just be like a garden so it's like they have a garden in the middle of their
40:49 skyscraper this family has um it's 24 floors the skyscraper there's a six grand a six floor underground car park for their their family and their cars and stuff like that the wife will only wear the one pair of shoes one pair of shoes and that's it. She'll never wear them again. So she could be going around and trotting around in the boutons and she's like, no, they're gone now. But imagine the pain of having to, like, break a shoe in. Crazy bastards. I know.
41:15 It'd kind of boil your piss, wouldn't it? Well, she has a Mercedes that's encrusted in Knott's Ferovskis. She's got a Mercedes that's encrusted in diamonds. Likeovskis she's got a Mercedes that's encrusted in diamonds like they've so
41:27 much money there's no way in the whole world ever ever that they could like they could probably clear world
41:31 hunger instead she's throwing away shoes every day she clearly isn't seeing the same guy that I am
41:38 and hasn't been offered the gift of shoe cleaners from Timu so that she can clean her shoes and re-wear them She's not thinking straight
41:49 This could help the environment no end I need to connect them And I will I need to get on to her and her diamond crusted Mercedes which I would love to have I need to send her a link Can you imagine a diamond encrusted Mercedes I mean I've definitely seen Swarovski ones,
42:05 but do you ever see like in the summer, sometimes in London, there's all these mad cars going around and it's like a Lamborghini that's like basically wrapped in gold and all these mad supercars. And then they just park them wherever they want and just get loads of tickets
42:16 because obviously they don't care if they have to pay for the tickets. I do find, like I think a diamond encrusted Mercedes, I think you are a Euro wanker. Don't put a diamond near my schkoda. If you are a, you're a wanker. Don't put a diamond near my scooter. If you're even, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I see you scooting through town,
42:33 get the diamonds away. And you put some, you've vajazzled your scooter. I'll be like, Vogue, you're turning into a wanker thanks for listening I've been Joanne McNally she's been Vogue Williams this has been
42:54 My Therapist Ghosted Me and we'll chat to you soon Bye.