My Therapist Ghosted Me - Kiss Chase, Thirst Trap & THAT Driver

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

This week, Vogue bumped into someone she hoped she'd never see again and Joanne went to the beach but didn't swim in the sea (although she did do something else in it...) If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes To Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. Do you ever feel so wrecked that you can't stop putting makeup on and then you put so much makeup on that you look like you're going out on a Saturday night that happened to me this morning yeah if you've noticed I've got I've got a liner flick it's 8am oh my god you do I do it's very early for a eyeliner flick. It's because, you know what? I'm paranoid now. I've got like... You're paranoid?

I'm sitting here wearing sunglasses. These clips are ruining my life. A couple of my aunties, right? They got free surgery because we have this thing in my family where your eye like literally like folds on top of your eye and because it's so bad it affects your vision and someone goes to me the other day a couple of comments

they were like they're like what did you bang your eye it's very swollen and i was like no i did not bang my eye that is just my eye so now i'm putting on loads of makeup trying to conceal conceal the swollen eye until i get to an age where I get the free surgery you've hooded eyes it's your only hooded eyes it's your only physical flaw in fact if I were you

I'd embrace it it makes you relatable and normal otherwise people just wouldn't know how to relate to you but let the people let the record show

her eyes are hooded she's got desperate little pissy eyes yeah desperate like a full blown Nike sportswear brand hanging off the top of her eyelid tell you what I'll get the surgery she's got desperate little pissy eyes yeah desperate full blown Nike

sportswear brand hanging off the top of her eyelid tell you what I'll get the surgery if you get rid of those pissy nails how dare you

my mustard nails they live to fight another day I haven't had time to go in and get them changed I like your accessory that we're going to have every week in Australia

I'm not quite sure why because it's 8 o'clock you're in the future I thought you would have had your shower done and your hair and makeup. What happened? I'm just back from the beach. Saz. Oh. Back from the beach. So I look a little windswept. Sandy. A little sandy ham sandwich. We went out to a beach. That's all I know. It was in Perth. It was very enjoyable. It was a nice beach where you're swimming in the sea. I got in.

Oh my God. So basically, listen, the only reason you'll ever see me in the sea is because I need to wee. Right. So,

that's why. It's a toilet. That's why I get into the sea because usually the toilets at the sea are like a, like there's a great distance between where we are

and where the toilets are. Yeah. And I am lazy like a sloth. And I'm on the beach I'm there to lie around and be slothful so I'm in goblin mode as they'd say so anyway Alan was all like you know living his home and away baywatch life just running up and down the beach more abs and sense fucking glistening in the sun dunking himself he said come on. It's life affirming. I was like, fuck off. So I'm on the sand. And then I was like,

It's life affirming. You know what they're like, the sea swimmers. You know what they're like. You'll love it. You know. I was like, is it cold? He goes, no, no, no, no, no.

It's really warm. And then we got down and I was like, you're a lion bastard. It was absolutely freezing. So I went back up to the towel. Didn't get in. And then anyway,

of course, the bladder started to fill slowly, but surely. So I was like, I'm going to have to get in now. This is where I bladder started to fill slowly but surely so I was like I'm going to have to get in now this is where I am in my life

so I went to the edge of the sea it was so cold I said I'm not even arsed getting in so I just I just kind of took a piss

just standing at the edge of the sea this is what happens when you get out and you're like actually don't care she's tired she's on tour

I'm not even going to go through the rigmarole of getting in waist high I'm just going to go now Alan's like what are you doing babe I was like

nothing turn away look at the horizon do you remember do you remember when you were younger though and you'd be swimming in the sea and you'd be like

warm spot warm spot and you'd be going over to the warm spot and Alan's like oh Alan was like come on in it heats up real quick and then I'm standing surrounded oh yeah because Anna was like come on in

it heats up real quick and then I'm standing surrounded by my own urine I was like it does heat up quite quick actually you're dead right so then I just waddled

out past it waddled back to the towel I totally got into my ankle with her little pissy legs coming back up you're welcome so if you see Joanne on the beach

she'll be in Sydney soon watch out if I'm in the scene you know exactly what I'm doing but I had this real horn for home and away oh it's just gorgeous it's like

Perth the beaches in Perth anyway they're stunning it's like if British Bay made an effort with itself British Bay is our famous beach

it's one of our most famous beaches in Ireland isn't it folk it's where we all went as kids no Joanne it's not I went to the beach

in Skerries which is also a fantastic beach and Port Marnock beach and obviously the beaches in Houth are beyond measure they are so beautiful oh god I forgot about

Fulch Ireland here but anyway Vogue only dabbles in what is it what's the flag that they put up if the sea isn't what's the flag that they put up if the sea isn't what's the flag

is it blue flag blue flag blue flag beach in Ireland anyway Britis is Britis is like our like when we were grown up it's a nice beach

it's a really nice beach it's kind of a famous beach and you know people would have had a caravan there and stuff like everyone kind of went to Britis if you were from

my side of town and wherever whatever wherever Vogue's people went but but that's what Perth reminded me of that if if Britis had kind of put a bit of money You were from my side of town and wherever, wherever, wherever Vogue's people went. But that's what Perth reminded me of, that if,

if British had kind of put a bit of money into itself, got its eyelashes done, bit of fake tan, a hydrophage, I never went to the beach. That's what I think. Perth is just a pissy little beach.

People are going to be watching out for you now when people see, well, it's a pissy little beach because you've been pissing on it. I've never been to the beach in Perth. Where do you you're you're just for the record if your urine isn't being spat out of a plane frozen i don't know how do you have to say urine where else say we if your we isn't being flown out of a plane as a frozen shard where do you think it it's going? When you sit on your royal throne,

where do you think that's going? It's going into the sea. You're pissing straight into the Battersea Canal. And I just skipped the middleman as such. I just hunkered down in the ocean in Perth. You are taking offense where there's no need to take offense. I too piss in the sea.

Everybody piss in the sea. That's God intended. If someone doesn't, do do you know what sometimes i wee in a pool it just depends i don't wee in the pool i don't wee in the pool i'm still frightened that it will turn green like they say it will so i'm like i can't wee in the pool i wonder if it would i don't think that's true i think that's i think that's an urbaner i think that's an urban myth I do feel I do feel like pissing in a pool is just going too far

I was telling Sven so Otto does these swimming lessons and a baby had an accident in the in the in the pool

but it wasn't a wee it was another accident that it had in the pool and they had to empty the whole pool so Otto couldn't have a swim lesson empty the whole pool

is that not a bit Jesus in the 80s he just swam through it and got on with it he just got a little net got out what you could straight back in god they really

they cleaned out the whole pool they cleaned out the whole pool that seems like a lot it does seem like a lot seems like a terrible waste of water

for like a baby what's a thing to have to do come on if it was a grown man potentially I know but like I think anyone anyone doing that kind of a toilet in the pool For like a baby. That's what they have to do. Come on, if it was a grown man. Potentially. I know. But like a child. Come on. Anyone doing that kind of a toilet in the pool isn't fantastic.

You'd only be swimming by that. I know, but a child, all it is is mashed up apple and stuff. Like babies don't really eat anything. I used to, when I lived in Australia, wait till you go to Bondi and stuff like that. There's a beach called Tamarind. But you know what? Someone got eaten by a shark there recently. Like a year ago,

a man got eaten by a shark. A British man got eaten. A British man? Like the shark didn't know? A British man. If he knew he was British, he may not have eaten him. But it was terrible.

Like a 30-year-old man. That's how you go. Yeah. Awful. It does happen. The guy who drove us to the beach today was saying that if a kangaroo

if you don't have your roo bars up he's like if you crash into a kangaroo because these kangaroos they're the size of ground men oh they're massive huge things

do you not follow Steve the kangaroo on Instagram no you're missing out I'm sure his name is Steve wait till you see Steve Joanne's gonna fancy him

watch more horses gal but okay he's absolutely ripped oh is he has he got a neck tattoo there he is has he got a neck tattoo

on an attitude look at him look at him Joanne ah yeah hook me up to that he would absolutely kick the shite out of you yeah he would yeah go on Steve

good man yourself Steve this guy the driver guy was saying to us he was like if you don't have your roo cage or whatever they call it

so this this poor couple God love them he was telling us the story that the kangaroo they drove into a kangaroo and the kangaroo

came in through the windshield and the poor kangaroo was so scared he kicked them to death panicking they didn't die by the car yeah

so he was like they're so strong are you sure that's true that's terrible that's one way of getting pulled to death that you won't want folk no way

I'll tell you what Steve the kangaroo one punch you're gone there's quite a few scary have you come across a huntsman spider since you've been there no they are like bigger than your head they are enormous spiders One punch, you're gone. There's quite a few scary... Have you come across a huntsman spider since you've been there?

No. They are like bigger than your head. They are enormous spiders. And they jump across the room. So they'll jump like four meters. No, I'm not into... I'm not into fucking jumping spiders. I'm not into kind of trampoline spiders. Jo, you were away when Vogue showed us what an...

What was it? What an ant looks like. What an ant's face looks like up an ant looks like what an ant's face looked like up close have you seen an ant's face it is the stuff of nightmares I listened to the episode

and I googled it and I wished I hadn't oh Grant do you know what do you know what freaks me out more than an ant's face the fact that like there's always ants on you

so you know the way you're like brushing them off just like oh get off ant no no no no I'm going to be like clawing it off my skin from now on. I don't want one near me.

Say hi. Hi, Theodore. What did you just call me? What did you just say to me? Hi, Theodore. Excuse me? Take my name out of your mouth. That is the most she's ever spoken to you in a long time.

So you should be appreciative of that. Usually she just goes... Yeah, exactly. Usually she snarls. She's warming to you. She calls you bum bum head. She likes you. It's juvenile flirting.

I was like that myself as a child we'll be playing kiss chase next can't wait oh my god you may be playing that kiss chase I remember playing

a game of kiss chase that was so violent yeah as in like I was pulling pulling the hood so your mom was running away from me so quickly

in the yard in primary school and he it was a rain jacket he had a hood you know this hood that you could zip in and roll up

and I fucking ripped because he just kept running but I had him by the hood and he kept running and I completely face planted myself in the yard in school

and I had a huge bruise I looked like I'd had that fat removal surgery they're all having now like this bruise from down there all down my neck Have you seen that?

Okay I'll tell you what it is Someone told me what that surgery is Right? Go on So you know those little pockets of fat that are on the sides of your jaw It's like a circular piece of fat Supposedly everyone's getting it removed So it looks like really jawline

Now I'm not saying he's had it done, but have you seen Liam Payne's face? I have. What happened? I think, now I can't be sure, allegedly, allegedly,

it looks like he's had something like that done. It does. It does. He looked so cute before. He looked like really baby face and just like Me and Vogue we discuss this all the time.

I remember one of my friends saying this to me years ago and it's so right. She's like as you age you need weight in your face. You need the plumpness. You need fat.

Don't take it away. Don't take the fat out of your face. It's the best place to have it. Put it on in there. I have my feelings on other people that have might have had that surgery done as well. Supposedly, over in Hollywood, they're all on the, like,

cutting out that pocket of fat from their cheeks. They're all on, yeah. And that Osamropal or whatever that... They're on the magic pen. Yes. Yeah, and the fat removal. And they're saying they've cut carbs. You're like, you lost six down in a month.

Come on now. Joanne, would you like to tell me a bit about your week? I'd like to know why you were texting us At four in the morning, to be honest Well, sure No, no, no, no, Vogue I see what you're doing there You're trying to hoodwink me Into talking about my sleep

And I'm not going to do it, Vogue I know what you're up to Joanne, you promised me On the last episode That I could know about the jet lag I just want to know You're such a sleep pervert and I'm not going to break.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm well rested and I'm fine. I thought you'd had a night out. So I was just inquiring about your evening out. A night out? Because you're always out till four in the morning. She knows full well that's not true.

I was in bed, nine o'clock. Slept all the way through till four a.m. Boom. That's not true. I was in bed, 9 o'clock. Slept all the way through until 4am, boom. That's not the worst. Still seven hours, thank you very much. That's all I needed, just that snippet. Only two and a half hours to wait for the buffet downstairs.

Straight down. Three course meal, 6.30am. Do you know what I will say? A buffet breakfast doesn't hit the same now that I'm off the pig. What am I going to get? Like, you know what I mean? I don't want a continent.

I do understand what you're saying. Like, why would I pay 30 quid for a tomato? I do understand what you're saying. And I'm going to ignore that you said continent. Continent. I just want a bit of continent. I said earlier to Anne, I was like, look at the doggy. He's like, oh God, are you abbreviating now?

I was like, no, it's a doggy. I god are you abbreviating now I was like no it's a doggie like it's I'm telling you Joanne you're going to come back you won't be able to say a full word after being in Australia for as long as you're there right they claw you in

they get you no no no no I won't I won't crack do you know what I just walked over there to get a tissue by my bed stand and I realised

I'm really your marital bed stand she always introduces us to that because she's going to tell us something disgusting about what she's doing go on I haven't done anything disgusting I paid my dues by a ferret and a squirrel at my just at my marital bed stand but I'm gonna walk into your hotel room in Australia imagine I'll walk into your hotel room in Australia I would be absolutely thrilled if he tells me he admires your work ethic

one more time I'm going to glass him I was like Alan I I'm sitting right here Alan and I have a special place for each other in our hearts

I just really admire her do you yeah you're inside me Alan can we finish the ride before you start talking about your work ethic if you tell Alan to just pop that in a message to me I'd be thrilled with it

do you want to know some frightening terrifying news that happened to me not just this week but last week always of course

why did you wait this long two weeks in a row right the first week I Always, of course. Why did you wait this long? Two weeks in a row, right? The first week I was unsure of it. Then the second week it happened again and it was confirmed. The driver who shat on my doorstep has now picked me up twice. Twice.

He picked me up last week and I was like, I know him. And I was like, have him and I was like have you after like just when I was just about to get out of the car because I'm not stupid I was like have you picked me up before and he was like no anyway the other day I was going to do a voiceover on Monday same guy and as soon as I got in I was like have you picked me up before and he was like no denied it again and I'm like okay I know it's him but there's nothing I can do about it because what do I ring I ring the car company and say by the way you're letting this guy pick me up and I'm kind of uncomfortable when I'm picking me up because

I know he remembers and he probably would have gotten in trouble over the whole incident is it the same company yes so they are they're continuing there he's still working there and picking you up well like he could have said he had the shits, you know. I'm sorry, but the CCTV footage was there. Well, I don't know. I know he's still picking me up. And I know that was the second time. And it kind of makes me really not like it.

I would. And I obviously have an absolute fear of confrontation to the point where it's detrimental to my personal life. But if I was you, I would ring them and be like what is the crack I know but I can't like prove it because they don't have the same car all the time but they must but they would have a writer but they surely on the app surely it would say to you this is your driver anyway it's a really we've had a clean door step he's he's turned over a new leaf this year January 2023 he's a new man no longer does things like that

yeah new year new him hashtag blessed hashtag blessed look everyone deserves a second chance isn't that right Joelle exactly

I mean as my mother would say you'll probably end up being the best of friends we probably that's exactly it we probably will you'll probably end up being the best of friends Joanne

Alan's time in Australia is coming to an end he's leaving tomorrow That's exactly it. We probably will. You probably end up with the best of friends, Joanne. Alan's time in Australia is coming to an end. He's leaving tomorrow. From Perth. He's doing that 17 hour flight from Perth. So I'm on a promise, as you know yourself.

So I keep, I keep, I keep kicking the can down the road. So this morning I was like, do you know what? Do you know, I'd love to just really

take my time with it. Lies. I was like, do you know what? Do you know, I'd love to just really take my time with it. Lies. I was like, tonight we'll run a bath. I bought some new linguine, i.e. lingerie. I was like, I'll get all dolled up.

Will I in my hell? I'll be fast asleep within 10 minutes of getting off stage. He's like, yeah, no, actually that's better. That's better. Oh God. Fell for it.

Fell for it. I always, it's such a good saying kick the can down the road but then you know you know when you've reached the end of that lane He has to get on that flight

he can't miss the flight so like what's he going to do? Joanne if you've bought yourself new linguine as you call it like that's your own fault I know

It's your own fault There's a great shop over here called Bras and Pings and they have some lovely stuff That's a fantastic name I'm sure they do the Aussies don't fuck around they don't get into fancy

fancy names they wouldn't be like Bear by Vogue it'd just be Tan do you know what I mean they're like they're just straight to the point I like it

I respect it do you know what actually there's so many shops over there I should actually buy a few bits and send them to your hotel because I'm not paying the import fees on them

how about that I don't know unless I literally mule them home and put them in a condom and swallow them I don't know how I don't even have space for my own stuff as it stands why did you buy loads of stuff over there I bought some bits I bought some bit I brought nothing but was still two suitcases crammed full of stuff you know yourself you know yourself no I don't Joanne because actually I am a fantastic packer I'm going away in two weeks

and what what sorry what's that yes I am packed for the holiday sunglasses and all knickers everything

you need psychiatric help folk no no I don't no no where are you going I am going to Portugal I'm actually filming

over there with John and I'm doing a shoot for Bear so there's a lot of things to pack you know work wise that'll be lovely now it'll be lovely down to Portugal and I'm doing a shoot for Bear. So there was a lot of things to pack, you know, work-wise.

That'll be lovely now. It'll be lovely. Down to Portugal. A few days in the sun. Amber was like, oh, I won't see you for ages. Little does she know she has to be here to mind Winston. Someone's got to mind my Winnie.

If I was there, I'd be all over that like a rat up a drainpipe. What, minding Winnie? Yeah. Ah, you always talk about taking Winnie to the park for a little walk

and stuff like that and you leave without him three times I left without him come on oh love this for us

they're nice shades aren't they they were just sitting there and I thought you know what Joanne is so I am even though I've done

a full flick I don't care I'll put the shades on so I was going up to see James and Brian friends of mine and Joanne's our bougie friends

and I was going over to their house and I was in the tube station confronted by a poster of Keanu Reeves for John Wick that man

is spectacular have you seen him lately? is John Wick candles for men? what's John Wick? it is spectacular have you seen him lately is John Wick candles for men what's John Wick it's some it's some program or movie

it's Keanu Reeves on the front of the poster he's a bit of a babes absolute god yeah I fancied him in his speed days

I think he has only aged like a fine wine or not at all it doesn't feel like he's aged wangling that bus the hottest thing about Keanu and I think we have actually aged like a fine wine or not at all. It doesn't feel like he's aged. Winegling that bus. The hottest thing about Keanu,

and I think we have actually spoken about him before, but we'll give him another, we'll give him the creds again. He's, he's, he only, like his current partner is only 10 years younger than him,

which in Hollywood is like, kind of like going for, it's kind of like going for a woman in her 80s, practically. I mean, she's in her, she's in her 40s,

which is kind of unheard of. It's very true though he's a nice man we've actually we've done a deep dive on Keanu before because he's such a nice kind man isn't he a saint

we love him age appropriate did you okay there's a couple of things here on because you sent this into the group and then obviously I had to go

and delve into it because I found it fascinating so Gwyneth Paltrow oh yeah so basically Gwyneth Paltrow was talking yeah. So basically Gwyneth Paltrow was talking to this magazine and she did what,

what's his name? Mark Wahlberg did it as well and kind of went through her day. Yeah. And I always think it's a bad move to go through your day. Firstly, did you know Gwyneth is in court at the moment?

She was involved in some skiing accident. So what I read in the paper about the accident was that this man is going for her for damages because he said he said she knocked into him

and skied off I just anyway I'm sure we'll find out what happened but she's up for 300 grand's worth of damages and she basically

is counter suing him for a dollar and her legal fees if I was Gwyneth now I'd just pay that lad off and say nothing about it no if you think you're right that's true there's nothing more painful than injustice no you have to fight it if you think you're right and the thing about skiing is what i will say about skiing is it's a dangerous sport everyone kind of knocks into each other you really

have to look out especially for those snow players they took take up the whole slope one of my mates got to the top of one of those slopes and then realized he just wasn't equipped to go down it and the kind of paramedic guy took him down on a gurney like one of these a and e beds just strapped him in and like he was like a torpedo going down the thing if that guy let him go he would have just flown off the side of the mountain he said the speed of it i know but i think your man did it to my purpose to kind of shame him because he was like a torpedo going down the thing if that guy had let him go he would have just flown off the side of the mountain he said the speed of it i know but i think your man did it to my purpose to kind of shame him because he was like you shouldn't have come up here if you if you couldn't get down uh do you know i've i've i've bumped into a girl on a red slope which is like so it goes green blue red and this was a very icy red so it was a hard one to get down she was obviously a brand new skier and she was just on the side of the slope

crying and i was i stayed with her for like 15 minutes trying to get her down but like she literally just wasn't moving and eventually she was like you just go I was like I think that you should take your skis off and go down on your bum like she couldn't move it's kind of terrifying though if you can't if you can't get down and you're just stuck up there I told you it's like me in the rainbow rapids I'll never forget it I queued all the rainbow rapids with these water slides in Dublin Joe and I queued all the way to get to the top and then I got to the top and bawled crying until my dad came up and took me down because I was like I've I'm writing a check here I can't cash I was like eight years of age it was like a really rapid water slide I'll never forget the fear because your woman's like go because the stairs it was so narrow that they really didn't want people

oh yes yes yes yes and she was like go go go and she was really forcing me to go down and it's like getting waterboarded I was like no

and the fear was intense I remember do you ever do you remember do you remember those soft play that you'd go to

and they'd always have that free fall slide that would go straight down I remember I used to go over to the free fall slide and I'd sit beside it for like the whole hour that we were there and I'd sit just trying to gear myself up to flow site and I'd sit beside it for like the whole hour

that we were there and I'd sit just trying to gear myself up to go down and I'd never go down and I'd just basically have gone and sat there for an hour

and not done anything else it was terrifying especially those flecky tracksuits we were wearing at the time it was like proper fire hazard to go with that

flecky trackies Gwyneth oh Gwyneth yes oh anyway so she put up her week and people kind of just went for her

but like in fairness if she wants to live a life where she like she does have a smoke a day so she does that I think she has a little drink

if she wants to she's always been kind of weird like that about fads and stuff that she has I have just seen bone broth now I've never eaten it

because it looks so repulsive so I actually don't know what it tastes like maybe it's glorious I don't know everyone's on the bone broth now. I've never eaten it because it looks so repulsive. So I actually don't know what it tastes like. Maybe it's glorious. I don't know. Everyone's on the bone broth these days. But what nutritional value can broth have anyway? What I would say about Gwyneth's bone broth life, Bethany Franknell, who I adore.

She's a housewife. Oh, I don't adore her. I wouldn't want to hang out with her. I really like her. She's a straight shooter. But she was talking about it and she just had a really good take on it and I was like

this is what I this is I couldn't articulate it but that's exactly how I feel she's like why are you expecting anything else from Gwyneth Paltrow this is a woman who made

her placenta into fritters after her babies she's been like made a candle called this smells like my vagina like that's what she she was macrobiotic for her pregnancies

this is what she does I wonder how Gwyneth will get on now I was just looking at her lawsuit they're not great how annoying michael cain you know michael k the actor he turned 90 90 years old that man looks fantastic and he had his party in london and at the party we had Tom Cruise not unusual but kind of a little unusual Tom Cruise yeah and Michael Caine best pals no else was at the party Denise Welsh from Loose Women yeah do you know who is friends though and I'd love to be friends with him

Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm if no one's seen Curb Your Enthusiasm, watch it. It is so funny. So Larry David and Timothée Chalamet. Yes. They're mates. For lunch and stuff together. Do you see?

Yeah, that's a random one. I guess as well, if you're having like meetings and pitching and you know what I mean? It was like, I mean, Tara Reid and Jedward. Do you remember when they came out as like bestest of friends?

They're still mates. What? I know, yeah. Yeah. You've got Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart. Random friends. Didn't she go to prison?

She was in jail. Yeah, she was in jail. She was in the docus. She's a what? She was in the docus. You know the Irish prison in Dublin for women. The docus centre. It's Irish forish for hope anyway it doesn't matter harry styles and stevie nicks became pals uh yeah i can see that now i know you see like harry styles is that like harry

styles has that like what's his name mick jagger appeal where he'll just like everyone wants to be friends with him because he's super cool i saw as well and I actually really like her as well Olivia Wilde I feel bad for her because I well do you know what maybe she's not upset but I read

that she was very upset over her and Harry's breakup and there's a lot of there's a lot of bikini revenge pics going up where she looks absolutely great

a couple of thirst traps a few thirst traps speaking of thirst traps oh my god beep I don't know if you noticed beep planted a little thirst trap on my own there last week A few thirst traps. Speaking of thirst traps. Oh my God. Beep. I don't know if you noticed. Beep. Planted a little thirst trap

on my own there last week. Let me actually get it up. Hang on. Joanne McNally. Do not get it up looking at the photo. I was,

I decided on giving myself one thirst trap a year. Ah, come on now. I think one, one estate in Australia. When you leave Perth, give us one in Sydney just one more beep beep

planted a little dehydrated thirst trap and listen I was like listen I'm just I'm just a woman I'm just a human at the end of the day

I get thirsty I get thirsty and as a comedian you're not really allowed to be thirsty people don't appreciate it and I was like also I said

do you know what I'm going to do I'm going to use Vogue's caption working on the bumper beep beep because I'm like this is shameless and brazen I'm not even going to dress it up as anything else so I think do you know what I'm going to do I'm going to use Vogue's caption working on the bumper beep beep because I'm like this is shameless and brazen I'm not even going to dress it up as anything else

so I think if you just put beep beep after your thirst trap everyone knows what it is you're just looking for a bit of cheap tacky validation I've been working on myself I've been layering up on the bear by Vogue

I want to post a beep beep and that's just that do you know what I will say 28 layers of 28 layers of bear by Vogue I haven't done a beep beep myself in a long time Joe did sorry Vogue sorry to interrupt you I haven't done a beep beep myself in a long time. Joe did, sorry folks,

sorry to interrupt you. Joe didn't get a like from you. I noticed. Huh? You see, you have to be baby. No, I wanted from everyone. I rang my brother. I was like, excuse me, planted a thirst trap. Didn't get a like from you. Did Spencer like it? Hang on. Rang my biological father in Melbourne. I said, excuse

me, Kevin. I know I haven't seen you in 10 years, but I planted a thirst trap on Instagram didn't get a like from you I don't think Penny liked it how rude I'll ring him

ring him there and tell him to get the thirst excuse me Penny here's me posting about his the documentary about his brother

he doesn't even like my thirst trap that is absolutely disgraceful rude I will tell you I feel like I'm due a thirst trap myself

I am big time you haven't had one in ages I haven't had one in ages which is very unusual for me and I am feeling quite dehydrated you will see me

in two weeks maybe even this weekend maybe this weekend I might do one I don't know I'll see where the wind may take me get that beanie baraka

into you hydrate yourself absolutely a bit of tit a bit of ab absolutely you'll be dead soon Vogue may take me get that beanie baraka into you hydrate yourself absolutely absolutely you'll be dead soon Vogue oh no don't start saying that

stop do you know what I started being really I was really philosophical last night I got this because I am crazy about that subject

and I really have to stop myself thinking about it I bought myself a book the other day and it is called Don't worry you're not going to die

With the end in mind Oh Are you making plans? I'm waiting for my holidays because it feels like a real holiday read very upbeat Is it

is it kind of a book on how to come to terms with the end of your life or How to live and die well so it's like it's it's from a doctor and she like obviously deals with palliative care and stuff like that and she has written loads of stuff about it and I'm like that is really interesting I'd love

to read about it but last night I was in bed and a thought just whacked me in the face and I was like oh my god I was like Spenny are you to be happy with me for the rest of your life? Like you only have one life. Are you sure we're staying here for it? I was like, I'm not so sure. I think at least we're going to have to move away somewhere. I'm not living here for my whole life.

I've only got one life. I need to go and spread my wings. Folk, I think you're having a classic midlife crisis. I know. I'm going to go out and buy a Ferrari. I was good to say, this sounds very Steve Martin.

Like this is, you're going to get hair plugs and a trophy wife. What next? It did. I'd never thought of it like that before. I had never. You're just like, I'm really happy.

I'm really happy. But then it's like, actually, I need to go and do more stuff. Maybe I'll live in Perth one day and go swimming in Joanne's pissy sea maybe I will

you're not welcome oh by the way I meant to say to you so I was doing shows in Adelaide and I have a joke

about Vogue in the show and it usually gets a laugh because they because I haven't really mentioned her before and then I mention her

there's almost like a relief that like, they know that I know that that's why I'm there basically. On air. Did it in Adelaide. Died in a towel. I was like, oh my God, I've managed to find the one place in the world no one knows who she is.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. One person was like, woo! Everyone else was like, and I said to the tour manager after, I was like, did I deliver that joke the same? And he goes, yeah, it was the exact same. And I was like Woo! Everyone else was like And I said to the I said to the tour manager After I was like Did I deliver that joke the same? And he goes Yeah it was the exact same

And I was like Oh my god Matt Don't cut it Don't you dare cut it That's my claim to fame I'm in Joanne McNally's show I'll know if you cut it

We need to We need to start working on Adelaide Because they don't Appreciate us there at all I'm not going I'm not going to Adelaide I have been once But I won't return You won't be going back now Fuck I'm not going I'm not going to Adelaide I have been once

but I won't return you won't be going back now bug I won't be going are you going to the Gold Coast yes Brisbane is great Crackjawan

you're going to love it in Brisbane that's I've totally forgot about Brisbane that's such a fun city but we'll soon see if they forgot about you because I'll still do the joke and I'll let you know

you keep doing that joke right that'll never get old for us of course I'll do it God forbid I'll let you know. You keep doing that joke, right? That'll never get old for us. Of course I'll do it. God forbid I'd write a new one. Someone said, someone emailed in and said that you're going to be in Melbourne for the Formula One weekend.

Is that right? Oh, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it coincides with the Melbourne Comedy Festival. The Melbourne Formula One, I once DJed at it, Joanne, to your dismay. Did dismay i had a life in

australia before you do you need any tips would you like me to tell you anything about australia i forget about your kind of well your australian life i know i loved australia is amazing yeah food's amazing the food's amazing oh my god everything's quite expensive though like you go in to get a bottle of coke It's about four dollars Cigarettes Not that I tried to buy any Obviously We know with those nails

You've been smoking like a tree I know aren't they terrible They look like they're the colour calm As mustard Box of cigarettes Forty dollars Forty dollars Do you know because the government

They're trying to tax them so people don't smoke they're trying to save lives yeah well that's going to start happening everywhere does the weather feel different now that the ozone layer is fixed over there

it does actually yeah you're not burnt I haven't worn factor once over here I'm like there's no need now the ozone layer is grand money mass and dripping

in a factor 50 obviously rat. Money, mass and dripping in a factor 50, obviously. Stinky boom. Gigi, you want to wait now until I get out of that house when I'm about to London.

This is Stinky boom. Your children have absolutely no respect for me about. Pasta boy. Pasta boy,

that was at you, Chelsea, wasn't it? Pasta boy. I don't need pasta. Big news, Jo. Big news in Ireland. I've seen it. I know. The late, late. The late, late. The late, late. Ryan Tuberty, who hosts our national chat show, has retired. Retired. So there's an opening there. Do you know why I know?

Why do you know? Because we've had about 500 emails suggesting that one, the other, or both of you assumed the slot. Well, I was going to say, Paddy Power are taking bets to who's going to, and to say there isn't a sinner in Ireland.

Someone was like, oh look, you've got there isn't a sinner in Ireland someone was like oh look you've got odds of Paddy Power and I was like no way when I see the list of people like you'd every dog on the street

who's on the list do you know what is on the street if anyone takes it over Miriam O'Callaghan she'll have them shot she came out and said she didn't

she didn't want it Miriam doesn't want it she doesn't want to give up her prime time job she's like I'm not doing it. I love Miriam O'Callaghan as well. I would have liked her, but do you know what else?

Did you see the little shades Pat Kenny threw? Pat Kenny was like, oh, I never thought Ryan would last that long. Excuse me, Pat? Ryan has been a fantastic host. We love Ryan Tuberty.

Pat's a little spicy bastard, isn't he? He's a little spice bag. Give me a spice bag and I'll tell you one thing I preferred Ryan to Pat there you go I did

preferred Ryan to Pat I liked them all equally well I had a as we know I kind of had my sexual awakening with Pat Kenny but anyway

not in real life what do you mean you had your sexual awakening with Pat Kenny he was the first kind of man that I fancied

felt a tingle for. Well, I mean, he was the host of the toy show. He did a lot of toys. He looked like a father. You know what I mean? Of course. I was confused. I was nine.

What? I told you that. Jo, go Google Pat Kenny. I had a crush on him. He was younger then. Now, in fairness, Pat Kenny looks great. He looks the same as he did back then. Do you know what your odds are, Vogue?

No. Where'd you see all this? People are just tagging me in the stuff. It's floating around the internet. I haven't seen my odds. I'm 200 to 1.

Same as Bertie O'Hearn who was an ex-T-Shock who went crunchy into the ground. Everyone, like Bosco's practically on the list. Like Sean Connery's

10 to 1 and he's dead. Everyone is on that list. Okay, go go what am I Jo can you find that out I don't know how to I don't even know what 200 to 1 means really to be honest

it means I just know it's not great it's not great oh well Joanne I would vote for you to go on the Late Late Show but you enjoy your Friday nights oh it wouldn't be for me now

I mean great job but like you're you're tied in then every Friday you couldn't be fucking off to Australia for a month oh the odds have changed

have I fallen down what are we you're both out at 225 to 1 each oh ouch not a chance

for us Steve the kangaroo probably got it Roy Keane at 250 to 1 Roy Keane would be a great I would like to see a woman there

to be honest with you that's why it's a bit disappointing that Miriam said that. Yeah, she came out and she was like, listen guys, it's not happening. We'd like a bit of,

I think she'd be really nice in the late, late. It does feel like it's time for a woman. I'll tell you what, it's not time for us. Who's top of the list there, Jo? 10 to 11, Claire Byrne.

Oh, there you go. Claire Byrne live, Joanne. We love a bit of Claire Byrne live, Joanne. We love a bit of Clare Byrne live, yeah. Have you seen? Right, now I'm not saying, I'm not saying,

it's come from us, but I've just gotten another mail about this. Brits from the North and South divided over knock and run childhood game name. That's come out 13 hours ago.

We spoke about that last week i don't i'm not saying it's from the pod but it's out now and everyone's not sure about it and lots of people by the way joanne she is saying she's taking credit for that and you're this is why i said we need to steer clear of politics what we say it's incredibly influential. It's very influential. We're changing lives. Well, we're not really because people are still divided. It is called a knick-knack.

We're dividing people. We're polarizing the countries. So something else happened to me this week, right? So we're in our house and Spenny is making a cup of coffee. And Spenny, as you know, is unusual in the way that he does absolutely fuck all in our house and spenny is making a cup of coffee and spenny as you know is unusual in the way that he does absolutely fuck all in this house and so he's pulling out a coffee cup and he drops it on the ground and it smashes everywhere and i was like okay a little bit annoying i loved that

cup and then he went to get another one and smashed that as well and and someone who was in the house with us turned around to him and said oh that's not your fault they were all lined up wrong I thought excuse me men get excuses

made for them left right and centre I bet he didn't I bet he didn't even pick it up I bet he just

stood on a crack smashed it into the carpet and walked on he spat on it is what he did it is so funny though like yeah I understand

like Spenny once flew to Ireland with Theodore and the amount of people praising him for flying on his own with a child

you'd never get a word said to you as a mother flying with a child ever I know it's like well done for babysitting your child I don't understand

where it comes from Jo take note yeah Jo and that are all my grievances of the week thank you very much I'm glad I put them out here we're turning into

we're turning into middle aged men all we do is give out I know well that is it for the pod thank you very much for listening

I've been Vogue Williams she's been Joanne McNally her sunglasses look amazing. Her hair looks beachy and wavy. And she will kiss in the sea near you soon. Bye.