My Therapist Ghosted Me - Madonna, Nigel & Vogue Getting Decked

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Don't worry! Vogue is FINE. The decking was a long time ago. This week, Joanne is still on the apps and Vogue's getting shouted at by people who are cross about vaccines. Plus, a Madonna discussion and an impromptu quick-fire quiz.If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comFinally... My Therapist Ghosted Me (and Joanne!) are shortlisted for a National Comedy Award!! Please vote here: https://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/Thank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that's introduced as a polite courtesy to the listener in the same way that you say hello to a person before you manically talk at them and cackle directly into their ears. On this week's podcast, we have DJs, Hinge Updates, and Madonna. Oh my God, I've got great news, Jo. You haven't even heard it. It's the best news. You have no idea how excited I am.

Joanne has formally invited me to her gig. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm letting her come. I'm allowed to go tomorrow. Like, over the past three weeks, she's been disappearing off to gigs and I realise it's not just me. She doesn't invite.

She's told Amber, who's like, oh, can I come? Can I come? My sister's only over for a few weeks and she just stands there and she's like, no. I don't. It doesn't, it doesn't, like,

how do you explain it? It's like, I just want to go and do my job. Yeah, well, we just want to come and watch. Yeah, the big ones, I'm happy to have people I know watch. But the club gigs, I'm like, I just want to go in and try material. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I don't want to be like, shit, Amber's down.

You know, and I just don't want to make a thing. Would you even think of people being in the audience, though? This is going to come as quite a surprise. But I genuinely don't like the attention. I know you won't believe that. But I genuinely don't like the attention I know you won't believe that but I genuinely don't like the attention I just want to go in

do my jokes have a good time on stage and go I don't want to have to be like going for drinks I just want to get I just want to get in

and get out I know what you mean to say you forget that some people find your job interesting I find yours interesting some people are like

what are you up to today and I'm just like I'm just doing this and I don't want to talk about it they're like can so what are you up to today and I'm just like oh I'm just doing this and that's like I don't want to talk about it they're like no can you just like tell me what you're doing

I'm like no it's boring yeah we find it boring yeah it's boring in real life but I'm really excited Prosecco Express where am I going where is it

we're going to Leicester Square Theatre oh my god it's going to be so good we're going to go for dinner first the show's at set I won't be doing anything I thought

excuse me I didn't invite you yeah fine I thought you were going to I thought you were going to be one of those people who's like, ringing me on the day going where's the parking? I'm like, go away. Like, I

don't want any of that. You're not even going to know if I've gone or not. Yeah, exactly. That's the ideal, that's the ideal friend coming to the show. Yeah, I won't say a word. I won't even text you to tell you we're good. No. Nothing. So let's just, just don't forget to put me on the list. I don't want to be stuck there pretending I'm on the list. I won't, I won't, I won't. text you to tell you we're good. nothing. So, let's just say, just don't forget to put me on the list.

I don't want to be stuck there pretending I'm on the list. I won't, I won't, I won't. Stuck outside. That would be a good joke though. I do get drunk

and promise people guest list and then I also get drunk and promise people support. I'm like, you can do this. Who is doing your support on Vicar Street? Is it different people all the time?

Geroad Farley is the main, he's the main, like. Is Geroad on tonight? Geroad, yeah, he's, he's the main, like... Is Geroid on tonight? Geroid. Yeah, he's coming over tomorrow. Oh, fuck. Oh, does he have to do a PCR test?

I'm guessing he does, yeah. Tell you what, people don't like joking about COVID still. That was so funny. You posted Jimmy Carr clapping. I posted Jimmy Carr. It was very funny. I find Jimmy Carr hilarious.

Yeah. Some woman, now her name was Karen. I'm just saying. That was just her name. It was her name. I'll show you the message. And she literally mailed me about the Jimmy Carr thing. Yeah. Some woman, now her name was Karen. I'm just saying, that was just her name. It was her name. I'll show you the message. And she literally mailed me

about the Jimmy Carr thing. I was like, I was like, listen, I don't mind if you get your vaccine. You should explain their jokes so that they know what's going on. Yeah,

I was like, it's, oh, sorry. Okay. So Jimmy Carr basically was like, anyone here, let's talk about COVID.

And he goes, anyone here not want to get their vaccine? And loads of people put their hands up and he was like, right, now take your hand and slap yourself in the fucking face with it. And I thought it was funny, but like, I don't care if people get their vaccine and loads of people put their hands up and he was like right now take your hand and slap yourself in the fucking face with this and I thought it was funny but like I don't care if people get their vaccine or not and then Karen mailed me and was like furious then she

starts bringing my kids into it she was like you're probably one of those weirdos who's gonna get her kids vaccinated and stuff I was like oh good god Karen I said you can get the vaccine or not yeah so yeah that's where I stand do what want. That's a good way to be in life. I feel like only at the age of, it happened around 35, I don't care what other people do. Yeah. Don't say don't murder me.

Yeah, I think. That's a no. With the vaccine thing, I guess because it has such a wide impact. But anyway, I have it. I can't get my booster because there was a glitch

on the system. And I was like, can you fix that glitch? And she was like, no. I was like, can you fix that glitch? And she was like, no. I was like, okay. Is the glitch you line about your age? Do you know what? To make yourself younger,

because that's why I can't get my booster. 18. Yeah, you're 23. Yes. Yes, Boris, I am. I don't wish to be questioned on it. Imagine waking up naked beside Boris Johnson. Why would you do that?

I don't know sometimes I think of weird things like that and I'm like I just don't want that to happen listen he must be charming I know what I'm like I'd say a bottle of Pinot Grigio I'd be all over it

like a rat up a drain pipe yeah because I'm attracted to power yeah everybody is though everybody's attracted to power it's like a magnet for me I'm attracted to power.

Oh, I'd love if you ended up with Boris Johnson. That would be so funny. I'd have to start wearing like floor-length camel jackets from Zara and stuff. And those kind of like hair bands that your one wears with all the flowers on them. Oh, okay. So shit I wear.

Okay. Yeah. You have the wardrobe of a first lady. Yeah, I'm not so slutty anymore I'm gonna start breaking out the slutty dresses soon though with the pregnant belly

with the pregnant belly this is actually a lovely segue into our first topic about Madonna oh fuck me Madonna have you seen

that Madonna stuff I think we've got very different opinions on this Madonna situation go on then what's your opinion listen I love Madonna I actually think I love her music I think we've got very different opinions on this Madonna situation. Go on then, what's your opinion? Listen, I love Madonna.

I actually think, I love her music. I think she's great. I don't care that she filters the life out of herself. Like, people seem to have an issue with that. But like, it's obviously a filter. Of course. With the picture, the arse from under the bed. Like, come on, I can literally see inside her a noose.

Yeah. It's too much. Well, I, the thing with Madonna is she's always been there to kind of you know disturb the peace yeah

and she knew what she was doing and I also think it kind of there's a wider piece there for discussion which fascinates me with this thing

of like women getting older and they're not considered attractive anymore and if they try to be sexy they're considered a bit tragic and I think that's the tragedy it's not that

she's trying to be sexy it's that the fact that she's trying to be sexy they're considered a bit tragic and I think that's the tragedy it's not that she's trying to be sexy it's that the fact that she's trying to be sexy we think is like so outrageous and so ridiculous do we expect Madonna to just disappear off

into the darkness with knitting needles and just wait to die no Madonna is a sexy person so it's fine with her doing it but imagine I came out

and started like getting under my bed rooting for something trying to be sexy with my arse in the air she does look like she's in the air she does look like she's lost her keys she does look like

she's lost her keys I just think her bum looks good though her bum looks great she knows it looks great she's worked hard for that ass you know beep beep

we've all been there but the thing that so Madonna is 60 now right 60 something or 60 and she's there was this piece,

because I did a bit of a deep dive on Madonna, in the New York Times, where the, which Madonna, it was this huge big piece about her and the journalists had lived with her for a while. And Madonna was absolutely raging about the piece and said that she compared the piece to being raped,

which. Oh no. I know, yeah. Oh no, like who let her say that she keeps saying it because in the piece she compared

she said when one of her albums was leaked the songs were leaked beforehand and she said to the journalist it was like being raped and the journalist

in the piece goes I didn't bother telling her that like you can't really use rape as a hypothetical term or something like that but anyway so that's why she went

she doubled down on it when she was criticising the piece but in the piece the woman was like you know she just won't discuss her age and she keeps referring to her age

and Madonna was going mad going why are you so obsessed with my age but actually I think because she's so scared of her age I think and that's all our fault

but wouldn't it be so much more interesting if she did speak about her age like a pop star at 60 would be fascinating to hear what that's like, but she just won't talk about it at all. I think that as a woman, we need to embrace it.

I know I'm 36, so I'm not in my 60s, but I don't think I'll really care. But I do feel like, and my mom said that to me, she was like, you literally become invisible from 50 up.

And that is kind of like, you just wouldn't want to feel like that. But now Madonna. If you're used to being hot shit and everyone fancying you and being this like sexy icon

when that goes away that's tough like that must be really hard she just needs to come out with some more good tunes she's competing with like Ariana Grande

and all do you know what I mean she's holding her own well she is holding her own but now the one thing about Madonna is she's going out with somebody who's practically the same age as one of her kids.

Nothing but respect. I couldn't. Come on now. There's like, this is my point, right? There is a level and I feel the same way about men. There is a level.

If you're like 40 and you're going out with someone who's 20, you do not have the same shit in common. And like, I find that like, being like,

I know people who go out with people a lot younger. I feel like, like it's just, it's the conversation is just not flowing. They haven't had the life

like experience. Like what does Madonna talk to like a 25 year old about? I would say he's probably into spirituality. I would say they do a lot of meditation, which is handy because you don't have to speak.

And I would say he is a lover. I'd say she's just in it for the sex. No, they're always out and about. They're together together. I mean, there's a lot to be said for being adored by someone who's just like besotted with you. Look, I don't know if it would be for me.

I know that I do go younger sometimes, but I mean, that is like... You wouldn't go out with a younger? I wouldn't go out with a younger. No, I'd feel ridiculous. But that's probably on me. But I would feel ridiculous. Probably the youngest I'd probably go for would be 30. I feel like people would be slagging

me behind my back. They would, yeah. Yeah, they would. I think the youngest 30 and the oldest I'd go for would be 55, maybe. What age am I again? 36. Yeah, 55. This was the other thing

I was going to say. Iggy Pop is running around with his tits out at 72. He's so cool though. But she's cool. I know, but the way Madonna's going about it is very different

to the way Iggy Pop's going about it. Madonna's like climbing under a bed with her arse in the air. Like, come on. It's gross. I just don't like shit like that. The arse was a little bit too open for my, like, there was

she could have clenched it. She should have clenched it. Yeah. Is there something she's holding in the arse? I don't know what it is. It does look like it's being kind of held apart. I mean. Flatulence at that age too. I wouldn't have liked to have been in that room. That picture would have been taken.

With her child boyfriend the other thing was which I always think is fascinating that they Instagram took down the original photo because you could see

half like not even her whole nipple just like half her nipple and I'm always fascinated about this nipple thing I don't get it I don't really get the nipple thing myself

like are they that are they that sexual are they that like what I don't get it. You know what though? There was this actress, right? She was gorgeous. I saw her at the British Fashion Awards.

She had an entire flap out. I sent you the picture. Yeah. So you can have a flap out when it's shaved and preened but you can't have a nipple out. I don't get it. She had a whole,

wasn't that a whole flap? Yeah, she had a whole flap, yeah. Whole flap. Joanne was like, I kind of look like her. I was like, yeah, your flaps are the image. A calf, a calf flap

hanging out beneath her dress. It was very bizarre. Very bizarre. nipples to me are just like little toes like I don't understand why they're so maybe because I don't really have

like I'd love my nipples are just kind of right I'd love the big nipples that you can like hang a jacket off oh my god you should see the size of mine now

that's one thing in pregnancy they get huge that's what I'd love fat flaps and big nipples that's what my life is right now I'd love big nipples where I'd love the big... That's what my life is right now. I'd love big nipples where they're like, oh, did you get a pierced?

I'm like, no, I'm just hanging my keys off them. I'm going to hang things off them. I'd love to have big boobs for a little while. That'd be fun. I was thinking of calling my book Minty Cake Dust. Why? I don't know. Minty Cake Dust. Why? I don't know. Minty Cake Dust.

I don't know. So, you know I'm back on the apps. I love that you're back on the apps. Having a great time on the apps. I love a chat. How many people would you be chatting to at the same time? a great time on the apps. I love a chat. How many people would you be chatting to at the same time? Ah, like, not many.

Like, one. I wouldn't really be, like, tripling up. I'm not, I don't have that much game. I know, but this is where I think you go wrong. I think that you need to have, like, a few on the go at one time. I'm telling you. Yeah. Well, do you remember I told you my profile is a bit like... I love your profile.

You know, it's a bit whatever. So, anyway, Matt with this guy he's attractive we'll call him Nigel he's attractive we're kind of having the crack

he's good crack I wish there was another name for banter because banter makes my skin crawl it makes me want to die crack crack

crack fine so we're having crack and um of course the conversation what do you do obviously it says I'm a comic

on my profile blah blah blah he had a bit of a google figured it out whatever and then I wake up and he said lovely chat

we kind of half arranged to go on a date that I didn't realise he lived in like Portsmouth or something I didn't bother checking I need to wind my locations in and then I woke up

and he found a photo of me performing and swapped the mic and photoshopped in a dick. It's actually, it's good. He's obviously, is he a graphic designer of some kind? Because the picture is actually quite good.

The dick has like veins and everything in it. It's a full dick. And I, so I woke up up woke up to a photo of me eating a dick basically and I wrote I just wrote back going what the fuck

and he wrote it's not mine by the way as if that was to make it okay so it's a stranger's dick it would have been better

if it was yours actually because at least we've had some rapport you've just basically put a stranger's dick in my mouth anyway then I was like

right that's it he's out yeah didn't think anything's it he's out yeah didn't think anything of it he comes back that night with some message about a football match or something

like acting like nothing had happened and I went Nigel I'm still not over you're placing my mic with a dick question mark

are you aware that I'm not one of your mates from five aside like I don't like I'm not Darren from the office oh my god don't mess with Joanne fucking hell I'm not one of your mates from Fivicide like I don't like I'm not Darren from The Office oh my god don't mess with Joanne

fucking hell I'm not Darren from The Office I'm not here for your lads buzz bullshit and he comes back with it's actually not mine

it's your brother's bye bye oh my god and then sent me a photo of him at a football match with his father and he's put a dick in his dad's pocket. There we are.

Show me the dick in the dad's pocket. Oh my God, what a weirdo. He is just like... It's your brother. What is this? Well, he said... Are we on a stag party? He said it's your brother

because it's your dad in your profile. That's why he said it's your brother because you're like who have I wrote your da well I don't know if he's really connected the dot there

anyway I'm going to have to re-edit my profile but I was out with Joe Lycett and Joe Lycett was like block him I love Joe Lycett we love Joe

so I blocked him and then I went to my dating profile to unmatch him and he'd already unmatched me so I don't know oh stop

I don't know what happened it went very very dark very quick, very quick. You need to put it to London, and... A dick in my mouth. Like, how is that? It's bizarre.

Am I going to go, ha, ha, ha, lol, meet you in Southampton next week, let's go for dinner? Bizarre. I'm full, thanks. I've been eating a dick. What an asshole.

It's just war going on out there I'm telling you I'm not going to pretend I don't secretly love it I absolutely do the second he sent me that

I was like this is fucking brilliant you only love it because you've got some content then you took him down

you see I would see the funny side of that I think it's very immature but I wouldn't have attacked him like you did

Jesus he's putting dicks in his dad's pocket too he's obviously likes putting dicks everywhere you should be side of that. I think it's very immature. Yeah. But I wouldn't have attacked him like you did. Jesus. Attacked him? He's putting dicks in his dad's pocket too. He obviously likes putting dicks everywhere. You should be happy with that. There'll be a dick over

beside you soon enough. No, I mean. Up that nose. I'm not, I don't, I don't have the sense of humour of a nine year old, unfortunately.

I do. I know. I know I do. So I would, that would be something that would. You'd be like, oh my God,

this guy's amazing. Yeah, we'd be engaged. What do we do. So I would, that would be something that would. You'd be like, oh my god, this guy's amazing. Yeah, we'd be engaged. What do we do for a wedding? Our wedding invites dicks everywhere. Yeah, I need to pull it back. There's a lot of me out there. I think, I think lads think that, I don't know what they, I think they Google it. If they Google me, then they're like,

Yeah, I think they need to try and out funny you though. Excuse me, I talk about dicks at work. I don't want to talk about dicks in my private life. Please. Yeah. There is a bit of a power play there sometimes with lads. I know, but I suppose, yeah, it would be like... I get that you'd be like,

they don't really know how to approach it, and that's fine. Some lads don't give a shit, it doesn't matter. Some lads do kind of come in with the... See, this is what I mean. You need to have three on the go. If you had three on the go, Dick Fella would be gone. You'd be still chatting to somebody else.

Yeah. You know, I'm going to have to... I'm rebooting it again tonight. You're going to, yeah. I'm really in the mood for dates. I'm really in the mood. It's because it's cold and like you want to go for...

I was going to say hot chocolate. Mold wine. Yeah. Hot chocolate. Jesus. A hot chocolate Jesus a hot chocolate you know I saw this thing it's a job right

not that you need anywhere jobs as a Christmas wine taster I thought that is up Joanne's street I'm off the wine you were on the wine last night

oh I meant to say to you I'm off the wine she said she's on the wine last night I was on the wine last night I forgot about that you were home early though

I just have certain responses that I come out with that are not true at all I'm off the wine I have fallen in love again it's happening to me on a weekly basis right

I had a big day with Amber and Spenny's mum and my auntie Gina and my cousin and we went to see the Bob Marley musical I never knew how much

I loved Bob Marley he is amazing and the singer and dancer in the Bob Marley musical. I never knew how much I loved Bob Marley. He is amazing and the singer and dancer in the Bob Marley show, I googled him, Arinze Kenne. Absolutely right. Arinze Kenne.

He doesn't have any Instagram though which was very disappointing. It made stalking pretty difficult. How are you going to slip into his DMs if he doesn't have any? I have no idea.

I have no idea. He was great though. He, I was thinking if you were going to go for somebody you should go for somebody like Bob Marley

I know he's dead not him I'm not into musicians I find them torturous to be around yeah they are to be fair I can't

like a man with playing a guitar speaking of the ick because that would literally a man and a guitar would give you the ick yeah

if he's taking I don't like anyone taking themselves seriously I don't like anyone taking themselves seriously. I don't like any earnestness. But then there is, obviously, the dick isn't too far. There's a line. The goldilocks are cracked. What about a DJ?

Yeah, I mean, there was a time where, Jesus, DJs weren't clean enough. But now, I think I said this before, if you're in your 40s and a DJ... Like, unless you're Calvin Harris, let it go. Oh, God, go for Calvin Harris, yeah. I don't think he's an option for me. Tiesto?

Tiesto's like a dinosaur. He must be like at least 40, no. Like the big ones obviously but generally sometimes those lads are still hanging on.

There was a time where all you wanted was a DJ. Like there was like DJ. Oh my God, 100%. They were like gods. I even like,

I was trying, like Dave Clark, everything, I'd be into any of them. Yeah, I know. I once took Felix the Housecat's Sweat Tell Home. I even like, I was trying, like Dave Clark, everything, I'd be into any of them. Yeah, I know. I once took Felix the house cat's sweat towel home.

I swear. What? Yeah, I stood right up at the front and he gave me his sweat towel. Where is this? And I took it home. You could sell that.

Felix the house cat's sweat towel. I highly doubt that. I went to, who should I go and see? The guy who wears the mouse head. Dead mouse. Dead mouseau5 Deadmau5 very sexy I got punched

at a Deadmau5 gig are you talking about that one in Dublin in the Point yeah yeah I got punched at that two guys started fighting

and of course I'd had 9000 drinks and I was like no guys no and I got decked yeah I know you've gotten punched

a couple of times I've gotten punched a good few times mainly deserved not that one there's a name I was listening punched a good few times mainly deserved not that one there's a name I was listening to a radio show this morning

they were talking about slang words and there's a German slang term for when your face is so stupid it needs to get slapped I think you have it

I love the Germans anyway I've found this I now follow German men in grey traxy bottoms riding around Berlin on motorbikes. It's very sexy.

On Instagram. And they make these great videos and the tunes are really good. And it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen. You can just tell they smell of Link's Africa. How many German men? I don't know. I love the Copenhagen men.

Oh yeah. Yeah, they're up my street. Have you ever seen them? No. Google a man from Copenhagen, I bet you'll're up my street have you ever seen them no google a man from Copenhagen I bet you'll be alright just a general man from Copenhagen

just a general man from Copenhagen people listen obviously they don't like there's people listening to old episodes and this woman I wish she'd send it to me again

because I lost it in my DMs but she said she got the ick when her boyfriend couldn't merge into another lane she said

he kept trying to merge into a lane he couldn't do it by the time they arrived with their destination she was completely repulsed by him

I can see how that could happen eww I was in that pub at the end of your road the other day and? and there was a couple

on a date beside me I know it's so painful to listen to that like it makes you turn into an asshole

because they they're trying to charm each other and it's awful to listen to. And then, I'm so judgmental. I think I'm premenstrual.

But I was, actually I'm judgmental. He ordered a pint and she ordered a green tea and a scotch egg. And I was like, what the fuck? Grow up.

I know. And you know what, we shouldn't say that. But like, why am I, I was like, why am I so irritated by this? Pete was telling me. say that but like why am I I was like why am I so irritated by this Pete was telling me

and then they split the bill he was like nine pounds oh stop I wouldn't say that went anywhere Pete told me that he went on a date with this girl and they went to a cocktail bar

and she was so excited to go to the cocktail bar and then she was like oh I'm not drinking why are you going to a cocktail bar go to the park what I don't understand I know but like we dating's over to me And she was like, oh, I'm not drinking. Why are you going to a cocktail bar? Go to the park. What?

I don't understand. I know, but like we, dating sober to me, that's, Jesus. I'd rather get a colonic. No way. And sex sober for the first time, no thanks. Not a hope. It would feel like an experiment. It would feel like I'm being watched. Oh, I'd hate that.

No, I think sex in a blackout the first time is always good. Yeah, definitely. Can we actually discuss the Irish government, right? They've said, no, we are. This is a good one. We are.

So the Irish government has said that pantomimes can go ahead, but they're advising not to bring your kids. Like, what do they, who do they think is going to the pantos?

Like, imagine just showing up to the Panto. I never got up. I said, Theodore, you're not coming. It was never for me. Oh my God, I can't wait. Do you know what I've done? I've booked Elephant and Castle,

best wings in Ireland. Yes. Booked Elephant and Castle, then we're going to walk over and we're going to go to the Gaiety Panto. I mean, it's kind of, it is an unusual request. Yeah, don't bring the kids.

So what do the kids have to do? Just wait in the car while the parents go in and watch the Panto? Just leave them outside the Gaiety, the big rant. They're like, he's behind you. I don't care the kids. So what do the kids have to do? Just wait in the car while the parents go in and watch the panther? Just leave them outside the gate, eat the big rant. They're like, he's behind you. I don't care. He's not coming in. He's not coming in. You'll have to stay back there.

It's so stupid though. Like, if they're going to come out with stuff like that, just don't come out with anything at all. I had a big fight with Spenny this morning. I literally said to him, right, I was just making my cup of tea at half seven in the morning. I don't know why people bother me at my best time I was just making my cup of tea at half seven in the morning. I don't know why people bother me at my best time of day. Making a cup of tea

at half seven this morning and he starts talking about COVID and he's like, and I was like, one of my worst things is when people talk to me about COVID. Like, I just don't want to hear it. And he goes,

well, you must have an opinion on it either way. And I was like, are you seriously asking me about COVID at half seven in the morning when I told you? I don't want to talk about COVID. Get out!

Oh, Joanne, you have to start watching Selling Sunset. You haven't watched it. You have to. So I't want to talk about COVID. Get out. Oh, Joanne, you have to start watching Selling Sunset. You haven't watched it. You have to. So I did start watching it last night. And? Yeah, so my mate Michelle

is pushing me to watch Below Deck and you're pushing me to watch Selling Sunset. So I started with Selling Sunset. Okay, good, good, good, good. Now, can we talk about Christine Quinn? Is she the blonde one? Yeah, it might be

because I'm pregnant and jealous. But there is a rum rumor that she is, that's not a real pregnancy. And when I see her in some of the episodes and she's jumping onto a bed when she's like about to pop, I'm like, you just wouldn't be able to do that. But there's a lot, do you remember when they thought, do you remember that video that went around

that said Beyonce's, there was this conspiracy that Beyonce had like bought her babies off eBay or something. And that there was this conspiracy that Beyonce had like bought her babies off eBay or something and that there was a video of her on a chat show where her pregnant stomach like folded over

like a foam do you remember that? Yeah. Or the foam cushion like slipped out or something like and it was all just like everyone's always

accusing people of making up pregnancies it's just it's a thing. Okay so what did you think when you watched her? Well I've only watched like three episodes

so she's not pregnant yet oh you've started from the first season shite yeah well I ruined that for you she gets pregnant ah yeah

I mean like who doesn't that's not a big reveal but honestly I look at it and I'm just like maybe it's just jealousy on my part

because like I just start going wider she's not wide it's just like one tiny little bump that looks like a Malteser up her top. Pregnant women are so funny. Pregnant women,

I would not mess with them. They're very, they get very wound up about other pregnant women and what they're doing. Like, I'm pretty sure that's why Amy Schumer outed Hilaria Baldwin that time.

Because she was so raging? Because she was doing that really weird thing. She was posing with the baby, but basically the photo was to show off her banging body. And Amy's like, that's not,

don't, it's not saying to do it to other pregnant women. And I think that's why the whole thing started was that she, it was Amy Schumer's revenge on Hilaria Baldwin

for making her feel like shit. I was thinking I'd like to live with it more pregnant women because then you could just complain together. You could just do what you wanted to do

and sit and go to bed early. And no one would whinge about you. Because when we were in France, Benny was like to me, you were really, by the way, you were in really bad form in France. And I was like, oh, sorry. I felt like dying all day.

And I thought if I was with a pregnant woman, they wouldn't have said that to me. They would have been kind and nice. Yeah, that's nice. It's like a little club. A little pregnancy club. A little wine club. As in whining, not wine.

Yeah, but you know, I have very little, maybe it's pregnancy, I have very little time for people that I don't want to be around anymore. Yeah, I have noticed you are quite irritable. I just don't want to spend my time

with people I don't want to spend my time with anymore. I know. Shari was like, we have to let Joe in, Vogue. He's part of the podcast. I'm still angry about that. Leave him in the corridor please for the love of God

he has to come in no Jo no also by the way that is only a what do we call it an assumption that she's not

apparently allegedly she's an allegedly people are talking about it on Reddit but people are always talking about shit on Reddit Kathy Griffin

that's how she gets away with everything she says she says like these outrageous things about people and then she's like allegedly well I was gonna see

because I saw this right do you know the way I'm kind of like fascinated by you you're one of those people there's a few people

I'd like to put in a box and watch you being one of them I'd love to just follow you around and see what you get up to on your day but not

you can't know that I know you're doing it yeah you'd be to on your day but not you can't know that I know you're doing it yeah you'd be so bored like I don't do anything I even want to know

what her morning routine is like she opens her eyes and then what happens isn't it though isn't she fascinating I'm like what does she have for breakfast someone else was like

someone else was like because you must have said it on a pod and there was women messaging going yeah I would love to see what you do too I was like I what does she have for brekkie? Someone else was like, because you must have said it on a pod. And there was women messaging going, yeah, I would love to see what you do too. I was like, I don't fucking do anything. I wake up, I lick the CBD oil immediately. Really, that's the first thing you do?

Yeah. And then what about breakfast? Nuts. Oh, gross. And coffee. And a yogurt. I love yogurts. I knew you'd have a yogurt.

What kind of yogurt this is not this is not good content yes it is people don't care okay last question what yogurt not only is it not good content

it's not the first time we've done it what yogurt I need to know what yogurt I would usually order stuff from the co-op so I order the big tubs

the big giant tubs oh the fage or vanilla fat free oh okay I like an Activia myself walnuts and nuts whatever yeah

I was actually laughing at that video you put up of asking me to be godmother and you're like you're the one Gigi doesn't like you and I'm like it's not even up for debate

she's funny though she only likes certain people it's very strange she's kind of starting to annoy me now I've said I've done the whole cutesy cutesy

high voice thing I'm always giving her compliments as a mother though sometimes when they're being so annoying like Theodore had

an absolute meltdown I just look at him and I'm like I wish I could just tell you to f*** off I know okay right so I wanted to do melt it. I just look at him and I'm like, I wish I could just tell you to f*** off. Okay, right.

So I wanted to do quick fire questions because Jo's really upset that I'm obsessed with your morning routine. Okay. We learnt loads of new stuff there. We did, yeah. Okay.

I found this and I thought I'd like to know these about Joanne. Okay. What are you reading currently? Oh, well, because I'm writing that book, Penguin sent me out a huge, big thing of,

thing, thing, box of books for me to read. But you know what I'm actually reading? I haven't started that. David Mitchell has a book out at the moment. Do you know your man from the Peep Show? He's got a book out. I'm reading that. He's meant to be super clever.

Yeah, he is. The book is quite good. What's the first concert you attended? What was the first concert? Well, you know I'm not into music. You like whale music. I know.

I know I'm not really into it. I know it's so weird. I wish I was into music. I love music. I've never once in my life, do you

know when someone's like oh I just sat in and listened to an album. I'm like what? Oh my god if I have a new album to listen to when that Dave

album came out I was like that's me. I'm driving everywhere on my own. I don't want anyone in the car. No. I like chat. I like listening to people that's me. I'm driving everywhere on my own. I don't want anyone in the car. No.

No. I like chat. I like listening to people telling me things. I like finding out what's going on. I don't like, I know, I don't really like music.

You're like, it's such a huge, no, Theodore. See, that's why Theodore likes music. He doesn't like music.

Well, that's because he's not developed yet. I'm an adult who doesn't like music. Favourite word? Glorious. Oh, no, sorry. Favourite word? Glorious. No, sorry.

Favourite word. The word I use the most is deadly. Deadly. Me too. First job? I think it was in like a spa or something like that. Oh, no.

Petrol station. I used to be mad into it. Should we ring your mom about these questions or do you know anything about yourself? No, I do, I do. Petrol stations. I loved the smell.

We used to smoke on the forecourts and everything. Do you remember? We'd be smoking beside the petrol pumps. Yeah. I went to I do. Petrol stations, I loved the smell. We used to smoke on the forecourts and everything. Do you remember? We'd be smoking beside the petrol pumps. Yeah. I went to a petrol station the other day, right?

And I tried to use the pump. It was not the other day. It was when the petrol shortage was. And I was standing there and I was talking to Louisa and I was like, fuck, this one's out of petrol. And I went in and I was like,

when are you getting more petrol? He's like, oh no, it's full. You just can't be on your phone. You can't. Yeah, because if it drops, it sparks and you could blow the place up. That's a lot of garbage. No, that phone reel was even in. We can't. Yeah, because if it drops it sparks and you could blow the place up.

That's a lot of garbage. No, that phone reel was even in we weren't we were like Jesus we were smoking away we were like we put that phone away. You're like smoking on the foreground

Sir, you need to put that phone away health and safety, yeah? If you could change your name what would it be? Lucia. Oh. What was your favourite subject in school? English.

If someone were to play you in a movie who would it be? English. If someone were to play you in a movie, who would it be? Ooh. I mean, realistically? No, it doesn't have to be realistic. Margaret Robbie. Yeah, true. Good one.

If you had to eat one thing for every meal, I know what this is, going forward, what would it be? Chicken. Salad. Chicken salad sandwiches. Oh, gross. From the co-op.

If you could spend a day in someone else's shoes, who would they be and why? I'd spend a day in your shoes. Then I'd know what you're doing. I wouldn't spend a day in someone else's shoes, who would they be and why? I'd spend a day in your shoes. Then I'd know what you're doing. I wouldn't spend a day in your shoes. I'd find the kids stressful. Yeah, don't.

Don't go there. I wouldn't like that. Certainly not at the weekend. No, I'd like to... Someone I would like to... She's dead, you see. Nora Ephron. I would like to spend a day

doing what she does. Now, who's she? She was a really good writer. Okay. What is the last text you sent? Her book, Heartburn, is what I would recommend if you're going was a really good writer. Okay. What is the last text you sent? Her book Heartburn is what I would recommend if you're going through a breakup. It's brilliant. It's really small. You'll fly through it.

I need to borrow some books for my holiday in January. Yeah. What's one of your favourite memories? Doing Singlehood, the first play that I ever did. Oh. And what's the last text you sent? The last text? It says, it's to Joe Lyc sent? The last text? Mm-hmm. It says,

it's to Joe Lycett and it says, Guinness and an abortion. Oh, Christ. Everybody, I have extended, first of all, thank you to everyone who donated. We did a charity workout

and I've got a big, huge, massive prize on my page right now. So go check it out sign up and please donate it's for an amazing charity that helps women that are facing homelessness in ireland so please go and donate what you can even the the price of a cup of coffee or a glass of wine would be absolutely amazing we're trying to get to 10 grand make it happen and go check out the prize because it's pretty good. I would like to ask you to donate to me and vote for me

for the comedy breakthrough at the National Comedy Awards. Joanne's absolutely terrible at trying to get you to do something. Vote for Joanne. Let's all vote for Joanne because she's going to be brilliant. We're going to get her

as the best comedian, newcomer, newcomer comedian. I think it's breakthrough. Breakthrough comic. She's got to be brilliant. We're going to get her as the best comedian, newcomer, newcomer comedian. I think it's breakthrough. Breakthrough comic. She's got to win it. Got a hammer. I'm coming through.

She's coming through. Vote for Joanne and also vote for My Therapist Goes With Me. Please. See, I don't mind begging.