My Therapist Ghosted Me - Manatees Riding, Dog Jobs & Another Thieving Seagull

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

You can always rely on MTGM for a run down of all creatures, great and small. This week, Vogue had to do something about a hangover, Joanne is in full goblin mode and the list of Ireland's sexiest men remains unchanged.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, with myself, Joanne McNally, and herself, Vogue Williams. as well. Joanna's set up she's set up some kind of recording equipment. That means I just feel like

I'm lurking in on her home. Sorry, I wanted to add I wanted I look like I'm in a snuff movie. She looks like a gamer.

She's about to play Minecraft. So it's because I never, I just don't, the videos are just not good. And it's, it's obviously I'm, I am partly to blame because I moved out of London, which is where I work. So it's not ideal but I was trying to do something good for us for the team so I bought a little camera, I didn't buy a little camera Alan had one. Okay, you look great

your hair looks great, you look like you've brushed it today it's a marked improvement from Monday. You look 100% better than Monday. You just said% better than Monday. You just said butter. You just Freudian slipped said I looked like butter.

Butter is delicious. I would want to look like butter if I could look like butter. No one must look like a pot of butter. Anyway, I don't know why, Joe, the camera now. Joe, I don't understand. How is she so bad with tech? Honestly, I don't know. How does she get through the... Look, it's right there.

For two and a half years. Peeping back in every so often. Hello. We're looking at you on a hidden camera. It's like someone's hidden... That's what I mean. I know. I think I'm going to be killed

By a billionaire Do you know those snuff films And they bring Invited these people to a house And then Millionaires watch And then they They kill them off

Like they snuff them out And you take bets On who's going to survive And all That's the vibe today Well look We'll use what we have I'm not

I'm not I'm not on camera But I'm here You can hear me I'll wave my hand Joanne get in camera shot now There's something wrong with her Oh my god I don't know how it went so wrong

She's off Mike she's not in shot Oh Thank god I got my roots done. Jesus. Well, look, I'm here is the main thing. I think she's going to leave it like that. She's just in the bottom corner of the screen. You can see, I can see my one of my eyes.

Jo, why are you so visible? You don't even go here, Jo. You don't even, you don't even go here. Why are you on camera? Send me the camera you're using,

Jo. It's on his, it's on his laptop. You have one of them. You've chosen to use some weirdo camera and now we can only see your eyes.

I was about to say nice necklace because Joanne and I are both wearing a necklace from her new collab but you can't see Joanne's. Oh she'll get up for that. She'll get up to show off her collab. I worry how much more of Vogue's life is going to rub off on me. Like what am I going to be doing next? It starts with one collab. Where does it end? The collab queen has been dethroned. And the new collab queen is Joanne. It would take me 60 years of posting

three times a week to dethrone you. No one would dethrone you. You are the queen of collabs. I will take that as a compliment. One Dame Lane is the jewellery company. Lindsay, she's an Irish designer. But because she called it Beld, right? So she called the line Beld.

And the amount of people who thought that because you'd worked with Ferry, I'd started working with Beld. They were like, ooh. Whatever, F Barry always wins okay okay and I was like no no no no no no no no no no no no

we're not that we're not that competitive do you know what I mean well your collab is fantastic I'm very proud to be wearing it I'm also wearing the bracelet

it lives on my arm all the time thank you so much the last thing is that for me to sell my collab I need Vogue to wear it send it all to Vogue I've done all I can here

ship it off ship it off to her send it all give her everything give her anything she wants I will tell you I was at a shoot the other day and they asked me

where my necklace was from and I told them and two of them bought the necklace I said that is absolutely amazing you're so good I'm very proud of you

very proud of you thank you I did a shoot with Spenny and I was wearing all your jewellery on the shoot now I usually shoot on my own which is great but I was shooting with Spenny

and we were probably about three hours over because he had to keep stopping and looking at every picture of himself because he thought he looked so high end high end in what capacity now? he was enamoured

with his own reflection like is it Icarus? who's your man? not Icarus he flew too close to the sun who was it? is it Narcissus? who was it?

Joe who's your man who fell in love with his own reflection he drowned in his reflection your man who was that? I've never heard of that the Greek guy

who fell into a puddle drowned in a puddle Narcissus Narciss in a puddle Narcissus Narcissus That's where Narcissus Comes from Yeah he wouldn't Stop looking at himself

He saw his reflection Everywhere He looked And he saw himself In a puddle on the ground Was it Greece Oh my god Was Greek

Greece or Rome One of those places Yeah yeah Greece And then he drowned It sounds Greek It does Greek There's a Greek vibe

To the story So he drowned In his own reflection And let that be a lesson to us all. Wear armbands. Let that be a lesson to Spencer. Yeah. Be obsessed with yourself,

but wear protection. I have to say, we've got to be careful, honestly, about what we say about Spencer on this pod because that story, I know we touched on it in the bonus, but it's still, it hasn't gone away.

And Spenny keeps saying, I think it's gone to something like 43 news outlets now. And he's like, I'm like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I was only joking. But I honestly thought that that was the truth. Anyway. So was that not the truth?

What happened? So basically we both got like, and Gina, we got a bacterial stomach infection. But like, I took what the doctor had thought it was literally and then spread it like wildfire. It would seem on our podcast. Actually, we have, um, we have a bacterial infection in our stomach.

I'm on like four different tablets now. So now I'm the pill popper. That's what it says about Spenny. Some of the articles are like Spencer Matthews overdosed on pills. Pills? It wasn't ecstasy. It was simply cultural tablets. And that wasn't the truth.

I'm sorry. Sometimes I embellish things. Okay? It's kind of like saying your husband out-eat on cowpaw. Like, it's not hardcore. Do you know what I mean? That's why I would have taken it out

from his perspective. Speaking of overdosing on cowpaw, Gigi's mad for cowpull. Like I swear to God, her little handbags, I go through them and it's just full of those little cowpull syringes. She can't get enough of it. Where's she getting her source? Who's selling this shit to her? She, like let's say Otto's

like got a really bad temperature. I'm like, oh we've got to give him some cowpulls. Gigi's over just like a little seal like, or, or, or, just waiting for her little shot of cowpull. It is delicious though. She absolutely loves it. Anyway on Saturday I went to Al's I was having a party in his house and he was really excited for it and I was like oh god I'll just I'll show up for an hour and that'll be the end of that it'll be grand and I didn't eat dinner anything because I was going at half five and I

was like I'll go for an hour then I'll get home and I'll have dinner when I get home Eaton's cheating I rolled in at half three in the morning Winston in tow because I had planned on walking

Winnie home through the park you brought him to the party Winnie came to the party Chris came to the party I was planning on going home

and walking him through the park home things took a real turn Alzo has nice friends I just honestly as soon as I said I was stopping drinking

I've just taken a turn for the worse I love these I love when Vogue shows her kind of less

regimented side because it's very much there I see it on the regular and I just like other people to see it too. Not on the regular. It happens sometimes.

Occasionally on the regular. Yes, indeed. Twice a week. So I love that. And that's what it's all about. You know, you go out, you think you're going to be home by six,

you fall in at four. That's life. Life is for living. Thriving, surviving. Live, laugh, love. I'm happy for you. I tried to say that to myself on Sunday. Any hobbies?

Nobody that I would have fancied, but all very nice people. I wouldn't say I'm on the look. I'm not on the look out. Oh, yeah, whatever, whatever. You know? We all have eyes. No one I fancied then with my eyes. No one I fancied with my eyes.

But, so I woke up on a Sunday morning and I rang Amber and she was trying to like, you know, and you're just like, I kept being like, you had fun.

It was worth, you had fun. You had fun. Just remember how fun it was. Well, I had to get out my, you know those ice rollers for your eyes? I had to get them out

and I had to rub them all over my head because the throbbing was so intense I couldn't get out of bed I couldn't watch television I was in bed till 11 o'clock

in the morning which is late for me okay rubbing ice packs all over my brain hoping I went and got a slush puppy in the park

because I was like maybe I'll get brain freeze I need something to help my phone didn't recognise me my phone when I was trying to open it.

Do you mean the ice globe things? Yeah, the things that the influencers use. Yeah, that you're meant to go do, do, do under your eyes. I had to rub them all over my head. Oh, gorgeous. I love that. Oh, God. Ice baths.

It's basically what you're trying to do is apparently create, like distract your brain from realizing that you poisoned it to death by causing pain somewhere else. So like ice baths are a really good idea if you're really hungover. Because then you're in so much pain because you're so cold that you forget. Yeah, I look, I know. I nearly did dunk my head just into a bath because it was so sore. It's dehydration. As we know, classic dehydration and lack of potassium, bananas and water.

You're only men. You're only men. I'm sorry, there's not one human person that like, all humans are persons, all people are humans. I mean, I hate when people say I'm a human and I've just done it. So what I'm trying to say is,

nobody, basically what I'm saying is no one wants a goddamn banana when they're hungover, okay? This is a lack of experience on your part. And the truth is, Vogue, you've no one to blame but yourself. Joanne, I've never seen you eat a banana in general, not even on hangover days. Don't curse. Yeah, because I don't get hangovers.

I can only see an eye now. I don't get hangovers because I drink too much to get hungover. I'm not private, but that's the scientific fact of the matter. Well, I was trying to count my drinks in my head. I did lose count at one point because I couldn't remember. But I don't feel like I drank enough to go through that torture. When you get to a point where your phone doesn't recognize you, I couldn't open my phone.

I had to put the passcode in. I was like, This has gone too far I've never It's too far I felt just so Ugly And just pathetic It's bad enough

There's a real self-loathing When you look in the mirror And your face is like A cracked scrotum Because you were busy all night And your Even your phone is like Look at you

You piece of shit Look at yourself Yeah The judgment Deserve this Ugly Yeah they're like Do you know what I actually do recognize you But you need to learn a lesson look at you you piece of shit look at yourself yeah the judgements deserve this yeah they're like you know what

I actually do recognise you but you need to learn a lesson eh eh there could not be more conditioner I actually don't think I wash the conditioner out at all

that's because you're a woman of means and you don't you're not used to washing your own stuff so you forgot how to do it yeah you. You're like, my hair is greasy. What happens now? Where's the team? Yeah. Who does this bit? I'll tell you what the problem, right? The problem with the three months sober thing, what happened was I was actually on a really good

path. And as soon as I got in that really good path and I mentioned it to anybody that there might be potential of me going sober for three months, I jinxed myself. So it actually was nothing to do with me or my willpower. It was simply the universe jinxing me. So I will, I'm planning on going sober for three months, but I'm not telling you guys when. Okay? Okay. Not anytime soon, but I'm not telling you guys when. Okay? Okay. Not anytime soon but I will. I will. Well I want no part of that as you know Vogue.

And I move back to London in September so you fucking buckle up. You better get ready. Buckle up. I've already filled the fridge honey. It's ready. Oh god. I've already filled the fridge, honey. It's ready. Oh, God. I have a new thing to drink and I'm going to just drink this because the White Claws, actually,

I drank three of them on Saturday and they didn't do me any favours. I'm going to have fizzy water, flavoured fizzy water and vodka. Practically not drinking. This is very Gwyneth of you. This is very bone brothy. I know.

Anyway, how was your week? Really good. Like I am am as I say committed to the bed rot goblin mode is in full whack like really doing nothing kind of not even reading anymore

just looking at pictures as little mental use as I possibly can has Instagram become difficult for you now? Instagram's a bit difficult because it has the captions so I'm just

I'm just on TikTok now I don't want to read anything has the captions so I'm just I'm just on TikTok now I don't want to read anything I'm just watching I'm just watching Asian women with all those contraptions and gadgets

that they use when they come home in the evening have you seen those TikTok videos they're brilliant and they put their shoes in a little sanitiser

and everything like everything's all it's very kind of like Japanese gadget focused that's kind of where I am at the moment well that sounds like an interesting life to have.

I actually, I don't look at TikTok. I'm happy out now, I have to say. I'm happy out. I don't know how, I don't know how anyone's going to get me back to work.

I really don't. I would like to point out, by the way, when she starts complaining that she hasn't had a holiday, this is how she's chosen to spend her time off. So this is her holiday

and if she tries to come back and tell us, oh, I haven't been on a sun holiday in so long. Poor me. Not poor you. You've chosen to sit in your arms watching TikTok. Vogue, I'm going away for two weeks. Oh, when? Where?

Yeah, next week. Oh, God, Jo, this is going to be a nightmare now. What time is it? We're going to be gaming with you from play. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing bad. Nothing bad. How bad, nothing bad. How bad?

Come on. I'm going to Ibiza. No, I'm joking. No, I'm not. I'm joking. I'm not. I'm too old for that shit now. I turn up.

There was that one time in Greece that I didn't turn up to the podcast because I fell asleep. Next week, I'm going to Edinburgh for the Fringe. Sorry, the one time, I would like to explain what the one time in Greece was, right? It was when she was on that holiday that looked desperate that I'm sure to Edinburgh for the Fringe sorry the one time I would like to explain what the one time in Greece was right it was when she was

on that holiday that looked desperate that I'm sure wasn't desperate if she hadn't been filming it so I I had been on a shoot do you remember this Jo? I was on a shoot

and I had 20 people on set with me and I had cleared this specific amount of time to record the pod and we're just sitting there and I was like, she'll be on in a minute.

No, she'll be here in a minute. She'll be here in a minute. It was so bad, yeah. And there was no Joanne. No, I went back. A microphone was in an airport, a laptop was in the sea. I went back,

I went back, I went back to the room to record it. Like I went back with the best of intentions. Passed out in the bed woke up you're like

yeah and all these masters all Rick so where are you going on holidays well nothing like it'll be nothing like that

I promise you so next week I'm going to Edinburgh for the Fringe not as an act just as a punter this is my when I

when all the years that I did Fringes now I only did I think I did four fringes it's not like I've been there 20 years I'd look at the people just going

looking at shows and drinking champagne and wine I'd be like I can't I would I would fantasize about the time

that I would just go to the fringe and not have to work for the whole month do you know what I mean so it starts tomorrow just go into the fringe

to drink wine look at shows just be a punter you're going to the fringe tomorrow? yeah and one of the one of the Irish agencies in Lisa Richards

my Irish agency they obviously have someone on ground in Edinburgh for the acts and she was like I heard you're coming over do you want me to book you

on any of the kind of collab shows I was like no no it's a holiday I said don't even don't even look me in the eye If you see me in the street

I said Don't you dare try And put me into gigs Not to him I've been to the Fringe once I absolutely Loved it But

Joanne does these She organises these Lovely fancy holidays With her friends But never intends To invite me to anything When was the last time You invited me to something

When Sorry you're only back from where were you you were in Spain for six months you were like you basically moved away

the truth of the matter is and there's just no denying this I have two friends in London so if I don't invite you I'm not inviting anyone rest assured the invitations

will swell in number come September. Oh, I feel so special. I'm like, look, I've got no one else to invite. Do you want to come? I'm like, all right, come. Did you see there was

big news in Ireland? Go on. Ireland's sexiest men have been revealed. It's always the fucking same. Yeah, go on. Am I out? Okay.

No, but I am. Guess. Guess. I was able to guess. It's always the same, this shit. It's always the same. Colin Farrell. Number one.

Colin Farrell. It's always Colin Farrell. I'd say maybe Cillian Murphy because he's in that film at the moment. Yes. Cillian Murphy number two.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go swimming in his eyes. Gorgeous. Cheekbones up a cutcha. Beautiful. I had a dream about him

last night. It wasn't sexy unfortunately but I did have a dream about him. Cillian Murphy. Colin Farrell. Donald Gleeson maybe? No, but I would kind of,

I actually, I think that he should be on the list. Yeah, he's gorgeous. A talent is always attractive. Very talented and nice. I went out with him one time

after the late, not like that, unfortunately. We just went out as a group after doing the Late Late Show and he, yeah, platonically,

very sound as well really nice Damo Damo the new the young guy Paul Meskell no

what is he no not Paul but Paul's obviously on the list is he Paul's on the list number three who's Damo not Damo Dempsey the other Damien

Dermot Kennedy Dermot Kennedy is he on it not on the list but also should be on the list Let's go to one of his gigs Yeah I'll go there That'll be something to do

I'll go there Although he's got a girlfriend So I'm not going backstage Why? Because he couldn't Give you his hands off you I don't want to break up I don't want to break up

A relationship By just existing backstage So I think it's just safer You can go backstage You can go You're safe Me not so much I'm like catnip for men

I'll be like Dermot It's Joanne I'm down the hall I'm gonna come into the dressing room now Please Dermot Please I'm in a relationship Please

Please Control yourself I have security And a taser gun. You wish, you wish. Oh yeah. I mean, there was a time, there was a time. I had a moment, I had a moment. It's gone, it's gone.

I feel like, I feel like we've revealed too much on the podcast that we will never have our moment again. Oh, the moment is long gone. The moment is gone for us. If anyone has heard so much of a sniff of this podcast, we will get there. Anyway, Pierce Brosnan. Oh, for God's sake.

Come on. Go Google him right now. At his current age, he would still get it. So Dermot Kennedy is like, do you know what this is? This list, they're not even editing this list anymore.

This is the same list that's been going around for 60 years. I was thinking your man, Michael Fassbender. He should have been on it. Yeah, good looking guy,

good looking guy. Jose is on it. He's number five. Okay, yeah, good guy, talented, good looking,

on the front page. Again, he's working at the moment. He's got an album. He's all in the front page. Again, he's working at the moment, he's got an album, he's all in the culture magazines. Again, it's just who's around. No offence to Jose. Yeah, very tall, very tall.

Bono should be on the list in my opinion with those purple glasses. Come on now. With the sexy grape. No offence to Bono, but let the fresh wave have their moment. Bono and Pierce Brosnan, folk, stop. Stop it.

Well, do you know what? Colin Farrell must be delighted because he's the biggest riot in Ireland, it would seem. He's the biggest riot to ever come out of Ireland. Colin, I've never seen anyone. Like, the fact that he managed to bury that bandana face, and I know we talk about it all the time. Like, that was a cancelable offence.

And he just bounced back what about your man's son what's his name the Taoiseach what's his name oh Micheál's son Micheál's son

why isn't he on the list can't remember but he's not a celebrity come on just out of interest what's the point of the list who's it for it must be for a brand

or something is it for like a dating website or something and who are the sexiest women? Huh? That's a great question. A lot of sexy women in Ireland. A lot of sexy women in Ireland.

Jo? Too many to mention. Far too many to mention. Far too many to mention. All women are beautiful. But Una Healy is number one. Brian Doyle from the news. The man who reads the news

come on he's never been on the list let's put him on the list are you talking about Brian Dobson yeah that's who I'm talking about and Anne Doyle is the woman

so you've just amalgamated the two and called him Brian Doyle that's exactly what happened that's what happened I love when you can see the cog spinning

it's fascinating. Are you vaping? No. I thought I was off camera. I kind of forgot we were recording. Joanne and I have spent we have spent all week long sending each other

news stories because like for me a lot of bizarre things happened this week right I don't know if you saw

the story I sent to the group about manatees you know those big like they look like a giant seal but like uglier okay

so there's manatees in florida and they basically during mating season the police have had to issue a statement saying please stop texting us and ringing us these are bizarre mating habits people have thought that they're trying to murder them and people also thought that they're trying to murder each other so they've been ringing the police being like there's like dangerous manatees out in the water and the police are like no they're just trying to get the ride. What are they doing? Like when Winston sees Spenny and I riding, he vacates immediately because I'm sure it frightens him too. Everybody's riding looks strange, I would say. A hundred percent. Again, very diplomatic folk. Are you

running for president or something? Where is all this diplomacy coming from? What's happening? folk are you running for president or something where is all this diplomacy coming from what's happening i feel like to announce you're running for something i want everybody to be able to get the ride in peace and that includes the manatees manatees raising awareness for manatees and riding in peace but how are they what is there are they punching each other what's going on yeah they're just quite aggressive in the way that they sexualize you know i don't think animals are big on consent that's what i'm saying anyway go on i don't think that's how they were in the way that they sexualize, you know? I don't think animals are big on consent. That's what I'm saying. Anyway, go on. I don't think that's how they were in the animal kingdom.

No, I don't believe it is. But you sent a link to the group about the woman who was given nine months to live and her dying wish was to ride her ex. So her husband is like, what's your dying wish? And she's like, I'd like to have sex with my ex.

It's brutal. It's brutal, but it's fair. It's a fair quest. Like, if you're like, that's my bucket list. I don't want to go, I don't want to ride the teacups in Disneyland. I want to get up with my ex. I know. I just, I find that, but like, imagine how heartbreaking that would be as a current partner being like, hang on a second.

So you're telling me that we got married and you're never, you're still not over him. Like, I don't think that would certainly not be the top of my list I just find it mad that that would be on her list to do I just don't know

why you would want to do that I guess it just depends on your exes I suppose do you know what I mean yeah I suppose

if you're gonna get a final wish I think like I mean not bringing him up again because we talk about him too much but like give Colin Farrell a little go I think that would mean not bringing him up again because we talk about him too much but like

I could give Colin Farrell a little go I think that would be quite nice no Folk what are we going to do about this before you kick the bucket Colin Farrell Tourette's

I thought like it's it's becoming it's like a condition now Joanne you are the one with the Colin Farrell Tourette's by the way

this is only the you're always Do you want to just start a splinter podcast about Colin Farrell and then we can just put all the Colin Farrell contentrette's, by the way. This is only the... You're always going on a very spandam. Do you want to just start a splinter podcast about Colin Farrell and then we can just put all the Colin Farrell content into that weekly podcast

and then on this podcast we can just focus on the stuff that we do which is important current affairs. Why has he not acknowledged us? I just don't understand.

Colin, come on. I told you, I went to his brother's dance school. I got as close to him as I could. Nothing. Did you see, you know the way you just,

because I do nothing now, I just scroll. That's why TikTok is so annoying because it doesn't automatically go on to the next story. You have to physically use your hand, which is more than I wanted to do this week, to be honest.

But anyway, I need to get like a rubber ball on a head, kind of like a, like on a headband. Just like bang my head off the screen. How are we going to get her to work next week? Like, please remember your pod equipment. I'm not recording the pod at 10 o'clock at night.

I just have a few ground rules, right? Look, those days are gone. I am a different person now. We've totally lost her from the screen. Look at her. Okay, there she... Oh, God. Maybe, you know,

maybe there's no harm in trying to record the pod via voice notes have you thought about that? Jo would you mind? would that be ok? you cut out the background music Jo and anyway it sounds like a good pod I obviously am a very cheap laugh the same as you two are that's why we

laugh like hyenas at bullshit there was a video and it really tickled me as I'd say did you see the video of the seagull who robbed the sandwich out of the co-op

another one I know I thought that was so stupid but amazing so impressive so he went in and Joe

like he made a selection like he didn't just grab the first sandwich he was flicking around with his beak so he walked in he couldn't get in and he was he was he was quite a sizable seagull now kind of like a tricycle size seagull so he walks up to the door but he's not big enough to get the automatic scanner to see him he's kind of looking up looking around and then some young lad walks past sees the

seagull trying to get into the co-op it's a sound citizen stands in front of the door so the thing opens seagull straight in straight to the sandwich section not his first rodeo you could see there was options there sausage rolls Caesar wraps

no tuna sandwich tuna sandwich Joe he's flicking seagull theft there's so many so many of them

so many they're klepto I told you seagulls are known for being absolutely trash bags. They just like, they bully everyone in Hoth, where I'm from,

magnificent Hoth. If you've never been, you should go. And they basically like steal ice creams off people. They wait outside Beshoff's because there's always people queuing up for the chippers

and as soon as someone gets their chips, they swing in there and grab the chips. Can't eat a sandwich on the pier in Hoth because the seagulls will eat it. Tanya, people are worried about AI. It's the seagulls

you need to worry about. They're evolving faster than we understand. So anyway, seagull comes back trying to come back out and this woman who she should be ashamed of herself tried to block him coming

out of the shop. I was like, what are you going to do, report gonna do report him like what are you gonna do arrest him it's a tuna sandwich leave him be he's a bird do you know what I mean like there's no consequences for his actions he's a fucking bird but I was like animals are cheeky little bastards in other animal news yeah did you hear about the parrot in Brazil with the drug cartel oh yeah you told me about that oh my god Jo it's so funny

so basically this drug I just want Joanne I'm actually excited I'm excited for her to go on holidays because she's

I don't know where she's finding these stories but she's spending far too much time online honestly I'm like oh my god did you hear about

the wasp who was smoking I just want bald animals that's all I want so anyway this parrot in Brazil the guards or not whatever the Brazilian guards are went in to raid this gaff and the parrot they trained him to kind of kick off when the police came up so he was like mummy mummy the police are here the police are here mum mum the police are here so he basically

gave them the nod so the parrot let them know that there was the police coming so they all scattered they took the parrot into custody this is no bullshit

this is in the Guardian the parrot this is a direct quote who has not been named that's actually in the police they said he's not cooper has not been named that's actually in the they said he's not cooperating mum the police

that's what he said mum the police mum the police mum the police stop yeah to the parish did the parish

like steal anything or like was he doing drugs or something no but he's in the gang obviously so they didn't even do him for possession they can't hold him

that's against his like legal rights well they're doing them for keeping sketch, I guess. That's actually kind of amazing. But would you not train him? If you've trained him to say mum to police,

would you not train him to say like, I want a solicitor? Like, or something decent. Like he's just sitting there mute now. Can't say anything. They can't just keep him forever.

It's not their parrot. That's a session parrot everyone wants a session parrot only one more pod until I'm back oh really yeah because I'm not

doing one next week joking I'll be there Really? Yeah, because I'm not doing one next week. Joking, I'll be there. Session part. Klepto-seagull. It's the guide dogs I feel sorry for. Boring. Boring.

I feel like, though, as a dog, like, you know, like with Winnie, I'm like, Winnie just, he doesn't have that like, get up and go about him because I feel like he's not really achieving much in life. Whereas like,

he probably looks at like the other, like the police dogs in the park and he's like, like they're really like, they're putting stuff, they're like, they're doing something for society. All I do is mope around the house,

whinging and like just not doing very much for himself. Like he doesn't pay his way. He like, he mope around the house, whinging, and like just not doing very much for himself. Like, he doesn't pay his way. He barely comes over for, like, gives you any comfort, only when it suits him. He was never driven. He was never driven. No, do you know what? I actually blame my parenting.

Yeah, he never had that work ethic. I blame my parenting. I didn't instill a good work ethic in him, and that's why he sits on his arse all day and just watch the other Alsatians doing something really productive

with their own lives it doesn't say much for the kids now I don't know what's going to happen with them because this laziness

has to stop I don't know what's going to you know I don't know what's going to happen with Gigi I was in my bed

last night and she got into bed beside me and how she saw them but like over in the corner of the room I had my outfit ready in the morning because I'm a psychopath and I do bed last night and she got into bed beside me and how she saw them but like over in the corner of the room I had my outfit ready in the morning because I'm a psychopath and I do that every night and she looked over and spotted my blue high heels and she goes mommy are they your

high heels and I was like yeah she can't wear them right now we're going to sleep you can stay here but you can't wear the high tails and she said okay mommy can I wear them in the morning we woke up half six in the morning I just felt her like rubbing my arm and then I just can I can I put the high heels on now first thing

she said to me I was like oh my god yeah you can she's gonna be like that remember that guy in Silence of the Lambs who kept all the women

in the basement to make an outfit out of their skin remember that that's gonna be Gigi put the cream on. Put the lotion in the basket. Oh, that is so funny.

Put the lotion in the basket. I forgot about that. Put the lotion in the basket. Do you know what? Do you know what actually, Jo? Vogue has been really good at impressions there's been a

couple of times there's been a couple of things now where she's really nailed us yeah yeah not the Canadian

one but I can do your man in that yeah and he's dancing around to that song goodbye horses

he's kind of doing the dick talk that is so well that'll be Gigi that's what I imagine you were like last week in your brown dressing round just going like your brown dressing gown just with goodbye horses on the playlist

and just putting your creams on with TikTok on in the background reading obnoxiously loud like I'd say I mean I can't I can't I can't even ask Alan I won't even

he doesn't even ask me how I am anymore he's just like are you ever going to do are you going to leave the house and I'm like I'm spending quality time with you so I can go away for three weeks

that's why I'm here and come here to me out of interest where are you moving to when you come to London because it seems like you don't have anything planned for two weeks time.

Well, I have nothing planned. That's unusual, isn't it Jo? I wonder where she's going to live. Well, folk, I mean, I found the keys. I told you that. I found the key to your, I found your house keys.

I thought I'd lost them, but I found them. So I don't really think I need to inform you of my movements anymore because I'll just let myself in and out. It was awkward before

because I had to ask can you let me in can you let me out can you open the gate whereas now I can just sneak around. You won't even know I'm there.

Perfect. Just to say me and Vogue are going back on tour pretty soon. The autumnal tour starts. Autumnal, yeah. We're going to be in our baggy knits and leather leggings, ready for tour.

Drinking pumpkin spice lattes. Absolutely. Yeah, living our basic bitch life. And all the show dates and tickets, they're all on mycarpistgoestome.com. We're going all over the UK. And we've got a London show. We've got a London show. Oh, also,

do you know what we totally forgot to say? The INECC and Killarney, we announced a second date for that. But, well, they announced it and we just never mentioned it. Oh, well, I'm excited to go there, Killarney. Sure, well, we're on this. Spencer and I are on tour.

Shut up!