My Therapist Ghosted Me - Mirrors, Easter Bonnets & Open Relationships

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

Pretty much everything is covered this week... Joanne is watching Game of Thrones 5 years after it ended, Vogue reckons she had an ugly week last week, Bella Hadid has an amazing face and surely it's about time people gave Kate a break. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams. There we go. I called Winston, Winston Williams because I went into his bath there and I'm thinking about letting him leave this earth like quite soon

his tablets are 150 quid a month I don't know if Winston's worth that I'm joking everybody obviously I love Winnie

well I mean that is quite expensive a lot of people do make decisions they're like health insurance for a pet they're like I can't afford to get him

a prosthetic leg for three grand I'm going to have to let him go. Oh, no, I couldn't. Now, I like, I think I can afford that 150 a month for Winnie Bob. Yes, I think you can afford that. But now I never got him insured, to be fair. And he's 12 and he hasn't caused too much trouble.

He's 12. Winnie's 12, looks great. Is he making us out of communion? He's making, no, that's your confirmation, isn't it? It's your confirmation, Fab, yeah. Use the money he gets for his confirmation to pay for his bills. That's what he should do. I was only talking to Neil, my stepdad, the other day,

because I was like, I should really start putting money into accounts for the kids. Because I read this thing that your kids would be able to sue you for having them in your content. I thought, I'm screwed. Really? They go for me. There's no getting away with that now. Because they'll want a piece of the action.

So I decided I'll take obviously take money off for like the amount of money I'm spending on them and I'll put money

in their account every year that's very sound of you I know but you know what because also tax reasons I'm trying to work out if that if it's beneficial

tax wise chuck loads into their own accounts you have to do that with kids. I wish my mum had. What? Set them up. Set them up with what?

Like the amount of Spenny's friends who are like set up. Like as in there's your house. There's your home. That's generational wealth. Take it. Take the home. That's quiet luxury.

That's succession stuff. I remember when Neil was rich for a minute and it was a minute. Yeah. We were promised homes and then he was not rich any longer. Yeah. And we never got the home.

That's very disappointing. It was very... Do you know what? I'd rather have never been offered the home. I had a similar situation. I was told that I'd be given a chunk of cash for deposit and then I was told that there was...

I was not getting that anymore. That's a... I was like, that's fraud. Like, I'll sue you. Pat. I'll fucking sue you. That was a verbal agreement that we had.

Excuse me. I'd picked out a couch for my new apartment. It was in Hoth. It was the nicest apartment ever. No, never saw a sniff of it. Nine deal delivered. No, gone.

You know, they're always saying about the bank of mom and dad. You know, giving out about people who have the bank of mom and dad. I'm just jealous of them. So I know loads of people though whose parents still take them away on holidays, pay for everything.

Take them on holidays, pay for... I find it fascinating. Anyway. Spenny won Bake Off. Did you watch it? Oh God, spoiler. I did it again. Oh!

Well, it happened on Sunday. And has it aired it aired but I immediately after like posted that he won with a winner thing on it and everyone was like that's a spoiler

I physically can't control myself oh sorry you mean a spoiler for the people watching yeah for the people who hadn't watched it I know but he's your husband

you're supposed to you're allowed to congratulate him yeah I was quite surprised actually they were all kind of crap though who was he on with he was on with? he was on with Paloma Faith she was the worst

of all the bakers I listened to her Elizabeth Day how to fare recently it was really good she's very funny but she was really funny on it and it was so mean

she's beautiful I think she kind of looks like Billy Piper doesn't she? yeah she's a real like happy face as well she reminds me of one of my friends but at the end

your man Noel Fielding was like and the winner is Paloma Faith and he was like of course it's not I thought it was so mean

but she was the worst and Jodie Whittaker from Doctor Who I've never seen a Doctor Who I think she's the one

who said is she the actress who says she's half a bottle of red every day? Is that her? Because I'm pretty sure it was her and then everyone was like, she's an alcoholic.

It's like, half a bottle of red? Would you fucking stop? You shouldn't just, like if you said two glasses of wine, no one would care. Yeah, it's just because she gave it in bottle measures. Is it her? She said it in 2018.

Maybe she doesn't do it anymore. Well, I just really thought, I said, I respect that. Yeah. And I think the reaction was over the top. Yeah. Anyway, I just really thought I said I respect that and I think the reaction was over the top anyway I just was thinking that I just give spoilers away all the time

it's like secrets I can't keep them don't tell me I'm the same I can't I give away spoilers I'm always being accused of spoiling

but I'm like it's on telly you can't leave it forever although I will say I watched every single episode of Game of Thrones except the final because I just wanted to save it

and then I never went back to it so I don't want to know what if anyone Do you think anyone remembers at this stage? That was years ago. People loved it. Gosh.

I loved it myself but I couldn't tell you what happened in the final. Anyway, I must go back to it. Emilia, what's her name? The blondie one? She's absolutely beautiful. She's so beautiful.

The one who went out with Drogo or whatever her name is. He's a riot as well. Emilia Clarke. Oh my God, she's absolutely beautiful she's so beautiful the one who went out with Drogo or whatever his name is he's a riot as well Emilia Clarke oh my god she's so beautiful and then she went

into that really weird Christmas film I know I liked that I kind of like it was absolutely shocking I know but I like shite like that

yeah look I enjoyed I actually went to see it in the cinema now that was a mistake I paid like 50 pounds to go and watch it in Leicester Square which was

that was a con but to watch it in the privacy of your which was that was a con but to watch it in the privacy of your own home it was Christmas I wanted to feel the cheer I know come on

I know but how was I to know how bad it was oh come on you can tell even though I know it was going to be shite it's Emilia Clarke

and it's Christmas and Emma Thompson's in it oh I was desperate I'd still watch it again though over the Christmas period of course Christmas films I think they're hard

to gauge but yeah I went to watch it in Leicester Square Theatre which literally as you know is six grand speaking of Christmas films

you know who I think would be like your perfect husband go on Vince Vaughn perfect we've chatted online no

yeah stop have I not told you that no yes I mean all the other shit you tell us, you haven't told us this. Yeah, you replied to one of my YouTube videos,

or my Insta videos about my stand-up, and he's like, this is fantastic. Where can I see you live? Oh my God, he's asking you out on a date. Did I tell you? He asked you out on a date. I mean, there was definitely, there was like a winky face at the end of it and all.

When was this and how long have you left it and is it too late to go back? Okay, that didn't happen. I made that up. Oh. Oh. You're a dirty little bitch. Wouldn't you be perfect together though?

No, men just don't. My stand-up is hostile now and it doesn't really bring anyone in. I did say that to you. I said just don't do stand-up in front of people. Yeah, it's hostile.

But Vince Vaughn might not see this. But I agree. I think he probably maybe is one of the guys that goes for personality I was reading something recently about

this part to do with this book thing I'm writing what do you mean goes for personality you're right you're hotter than him you're way hotter than him

I'm not in my I've had hotter eras but anyway look that's another story but that I was reading this thing about it was kind of this cave person

approach to attraction and lust and desire and everything and it was kind of this cave person approach to attraction and lust and desire and everything and it was saying that people who are really good looking they I mean this is kind of basic

but they catch easier like obviously they don't have to make an effort as much of an effort at the start but then it kind of runs out whereas personality Oh personality always shines through

Always shines through But you know what sometimes That's why people stay for the personality yeah Last week I was having do you ever have I had an ugly week last through. But you know what? That's why people stay. For the personality, yeah. Last week I was having, do you ever have, I had an ugly week last week

and do you know what I went and ditched myself? We said that, we did see that. We noticed it. I know, I was looking. He said, look at that fucking pig. Joe, I saw you sneer at me. Look at that pig. I saw you sneer at me

while I went all out. I went, I got my hair done, I chopped off all the hair. I took out the stenos, I put on fake tan, obviously goes to 20. And I got polyn done I chopped off all the hair I took out the stenos I put on fake tan obviously goes to 20 and I I got polynucleosides

trout jizz under my eyes trout and then I got profilo profilo and then I got a facial laser thing

like I really hit it hard I got my brows done and now I feel great it just took a whole lot of work to get here I mean it's all in the head

though isn't it no no no no it's not I think it's in the head though, isn't it? No, no, no, no, it's not. I think it's in the head. Like I could wake up, on a Wednesday I could feel fantastic and then something will happen on Thursday I feel like a bag of shit.

And I'm like, and I'll only wear baggy mummies and I just feel awful and then something will shift and then two days later I'm back to feeling fine. It's a fucking rollercoaster, I can tell you. It is a rollercoaster. I think it depends

on your hormones on the day. Well my hormones are I don't know if I'm fucking perimenopausal but I'm all over the shop so I might have a bit of confidence on Wednesday

between two and six and then the rest of the week is just spiralled spiralled spiralled. She's strolling around clapping common between two and six

on a Wednesday. No I'd be in front of the mirror going look at that bod look at that bod trying Look at that bod. Trying on all my new knickers. And then the next day, I'm like, you're disgusting. And I'm wearing like a bin bag.

Trying on all my new knickers. I have two full-length mirrors in my house. One of them, I look like Giselle. Well, keep that one. That's the only one I engage with now.

And the other one, I look like an Oompa Loompa. Is the fancy one the Oompa Loompa? The wavy one is Giselle oh that's Giselle yeah and that gave me

a false sense of security so I'll get dressed in front of that and I'll be like banging and then I'll walk into a shop and I'll get one of those

horrific hate crime mirrors and I'm like who the fuck is that oh my god but you know what I don't understand about those shops the down lighting

and like I honestly look at myself and I'm like oh my god I need to go to the cellulite slayer right now Oh my God. But you know what I don't understand about those shops? The down lighting. And like, I honestly look at myself and I'm like, oh my God, I need to go to the cellulite slayer right now. And you don't have, no,

it depends on the angle. It depends on the angle. You know, you cannot avoid having cellulite. Apparently it's just the muscle that keeps your ass in place. Without cellulite, you just fall apart.

Your skin is full of it. I've seen women on the beach and they have no cellulite. Well, they can kind of, what would you call it what do you no some women just don't have it

they're just genetically they don't have it I'm telling you mainly French women what do you call they can you can cover it with muscles

if you train and then your muscles are covered every woman has cellulite it's literally your body trying to keep itself together

so that you're not just a fucking meat carcass walking around it basically just keeps your skin on your ass like we can't we shouldn't want to get rid of it

yet we do because we're insane well I got sent a thong bikini I don't know who was thinking what they were doing anyway you cannot wear a thong bikini

unless you're at all times in the perfect position unless you're Kanye West's wife Jesus Christ well she's I mean yeah unless you're being groom times in the perfect position, unless you're Kanye West's wife. Jesus Christ. Well, she's, I mean, yeah, unless you're being groomed by a superstar. You know what? Is anyone going to rescue her at any stage?

What's going on? Okay, listen, I have battled with this and I don't, I saw more, like, she covers her vagina with her phone. So she walks around naked, just covering. And then I was like, does she do that when she goes and sits in studio with him? Like, like I sit with my legs apart all the time. Like, can you imagine? Look at Jo's face.

I don't understand. Is she naked or is she taking a call to her labia? What's happening? I think she might be on, yeah, labia calls. That's where a woman's instinct is. She's like, listen to me. Mother Nature lives inside you. I know.

Through the labia. And she's like, get the fuck out of this toxic relationship. This man is treating you like listen to me mother nature lives inside you I know through the labia and she's like get the fuck out of this toxic relationship this man is treating you like a chihuahua he's dressing her up like he's taken her to crufts

and he's walking her around the place but does she like the attention I mean and she does look fine I was thinking of getting she looks amazing I was

oh my god her body I've never seen an nicer body on anyone ever Emily Ratajkowski oh okay fair enough yeah she's got a great body I mean I've never seen an ice or body on anyone ever. Emily Ratajkowski. Oh, okay. Fair enough. Yeah.

She's got a great body. I mean, I've seen lots of great bods. Yeah, actually. But like, her bod is amazing. But I still wouldn't be getting. Joe, he's right there. Joe. Great bod.

Great bod. You're looking really well, actually. You're looking well rested. Have you been sleeping more? Flexy, mate. Flexy? Have you been flexing? I'm trying my best, but it's slow.

It's slow, Joe. Oh, that's so cute. Joe's been on the flexy buzz. Lots of sweating and swearing under my breath. Good's slow. Oh, that's so cute. Jo's been on the FlexiBuzz. I'm sweating and swearing under my breath. Good. Okay, well, I love that. Thank you, Jo, for joining the FlexiApp.

Good for you, Jo. Hello and welcome to my therapist go... No, do you want to do it? You do it. Thank you. Get me warmed up for later. Joe, silence please. There's a charity event for the Teenage Cancer Trust in the Albert Hall tonight.

Joe and I did not get invited, but anyway. Which is Kevin Bridges baby I think he does it most years and so I am doing it tonight there's a load of us on it but so last night

because I haven't gigged since those Borgos shows ended at the start of January so what is it now it's like nearly the end of March really yeah

so it's a long time to not be gigging so I did I said I'd do the warm up show last night oh my god I can't imagine I swear to god I was So it's a long time to not be gigging. So I did, I said I'd do the warm-up show last night. Oh my God. Do you want, I can't imagine.

I swear to God. I was, I was like the tin man. I was like, anyone in from America? I lost my way. I was supposed to do 15 and I don't have

a 15 minute set so I was trying, you know, we were trying to like How long did you do? I did 15. I did 15. Oh wow. Yeah. But I'm only minute set so I was trying you know we were trying to how long did you do I did 15 I did 15 oh wow yeah

but I'm only doing 10 tonight thank God because they've added John Bishop to the line up so they've taken file of me but that's still harder to do 10 it's really hard

if you don't have like a 10 minute set ready to go you have to kind of do a mishmash of your jokes and it'll have to make sense so yeah so anyway last night was

it shocked me to the core but anyway I'm fitting my hiatus is over yeah thank God and I was, last night was, it shocked me to the core. But anyway, my hiatus is over. Yeah. Thank God. And I was scared last night. I was like, oh no, I hate this feeling.

I hate it. I know, but at least you did last night. You're doing tonight and then you're going to the Americas. What's that W40 shit that you spray? WD-40. WD-40. That's what Michelle said. You need your fucking WD-40 on you.

You're on now. You're into it. You're ready. I mean, I'm ready now yeah I've got I've got my my jeans from Pullen Bear

I'm good to go yeah perfect well my week is not as interesting as yours mine wasn't interesting it was fucking terrifying I was like

it was like I was about to do the London Blade it was like a hundred seater I said to Kevin I was like I'm fucking fucking sweating here I haven't kicked in six weeks he's like oh you'll be alright I was like I fucking won't be this is going to be really really bad does he kick all was like I'm fucking fucking sweating here I haven't kicked in six weeks he's like oh you'll be alright

I was like I fucking won't be this is going to be really really bad does he kick all the time I'm fascinated by him he's on we were chatting he's also on a doing fuck all

phase of the comedy cycle well I suppose you have to do that when you've toured loads and he just did Australia you do you just sit around and do fuck all for a while

and then you and then you just start the whole rigmarole again like that's what happens but when you are in your down time and everyone needs down time you have to take it but then you and then you just start the whole rigmarole again like that's what happens but when you are in your downtime and you have everyone needs downtime

you have to take it but then you have to kind of you know you have to get quick again you know it's like going back to the gym you have to like pump again

I just find it so like because Penny and I on our show we do stand-up comedy at the end and it's just I find that part

just so nerve-wracking I'd rather stand there naked yeah no I wouldn't I wouldn't actually well you'veacking I'd rather stand there naked yeah no I wouldn't I wouldn't actually well you've got a great bot thank you very much but I wouldn't

what I do this week I realise that English traditions can drive me fucking crazy like I'm trying to make Easter bonnets for the kids it's a big deal have you heard of an Easter bonnet

I mean I'm aware I know it's a hat I'm assuming it's some sort of Easter hat themed hat yes it's a hat

but you have to make like a really good Easter bonnet because then everyone sees the Easter bonnet T wants oh my god I haven't finished this dinosaur one he wants a dinosaur Easter bonnet

so I'm trying to make this like mad looking dinosaur Easter bonnet I found I got a green top hat I have a tail going out the back he's meant to be building it

he sits there fuck all and I'm there making the Easter bonnets this is why children is a you know it's a big choice it's a big decision

it's a big decision but I'll tell you what it's not just clothes that get handed down it's Easter bonnets oh yeah one bonnet a family 100%

I give my Easter bonnets my friend texted me she was like you're not making more Easter bonnets are you and I was like yes you can have the Easter bonnet when I'm finished

are you passing it all around passing it around yeah sustainability Louisa might even be giving me an Easter bonnets are you? And I was like yes you can have the Easter bonnet when I'm finished. Are you passing it all around? Passing it around yeah. Yeah. Sustainability why not? Louisa might even be giving me an Easter bonnet so I'll have three Easter bonnets. Is that an English thing?

I think it's an English thing. I've never heard of well I never made one in Ireland did you? No. Is Benny had an Easter bonnet hat when he was younger? Oh God.

Of course he did. I was looking at other other English traditions two that I really liked there's one called bog snorkeling bog snorkeling

in Wales and you get into this like 50 metre long bog and you just like swim up and down I think I'd quite like that your skin would feel great no

you're snorkeling in the absolute dark through like bog I don't think you actually go under the bog you do you're snorkeling they've snorked us I've seen it I couldn't think you actually go under the bog you do you're snorkelling

they've snorkelled I've seen it I couldn't think of anything worse but you know you ever see those seaweed baths and stuff like imagine how good

your skin would be it's a bog no it wouldn't be for me now although it is great for your skin because they're always fine in old bodies old people that have been preserved

if you drown in a bog I'll see you in 3000 years yeah you will be there cheese rolling festival yeah down the hill they literally chuck a lump of cheese down the hill if you drown in a bog I'll see you in 3000 years yeah you will be there Cheese Rolling Festival yeah down the hill they literally chuck a lump of cheese down the hill

and everyone has to run after it yeah very English well we have the Rose of Tralee yeah an amazing festival we have the Father Ted Festival

and we have Liston Farna we do indeed which is the matchmaking festival we also do throw an easy single down a hill once a year don't we

yeah we do actually we certainly do baby bells yeah and the cheesy strings once a year do you remember I did that ad after same morning

we were all there no do you remember I did that no you don't remember the baby bell ad no and I literally I was like

how am I going to promote the baby bell like what am I going to do so I just shoved it in my giant mouth and took a picture and then that was my ad for baby bell just a little picture of me with a fucking baby bell on my mouth of going to do so I just shoved it in my giant mouth and took a picture and then that was my ad for baby bell

just a little picture of me with a fucking baby bell in my mouth they are delicious they are delicious do you know what I read the other day and I was like

this is a controversial thing to say apparently the word crack is originally English not Irish who told you that I read it

get it up there where did you read it on an English publication crack origins in the 19th century the word was used in Scotland and Northern England I read it get it up there where did you read it on an English publication Crack Origins in the 19th century the word was used in Scotland and Northern England

to describe entertaining conversation yeah oop oop Charlie we've stolen something from the English yeah that's terrible

shocking and apparently the word for Tory is Irish is originally Irish Tory yeah it's like Tuig or something means dick or something.

How do you find this, man? Do you know, you're absolutely right. Yeah. The word was used of Irish peasants. Their words, not mine. Yeah, that's okay. Dispossessed by English settlers and living as robbers

and extended to other marauders, especially in the Scottish Highlands. Abusive nickname for supporters of Catholic James II. There you go. Goss, isn't it? So Goss. Isn't that Goss?

Isn't that Goss? I'm always trying to do traditions for our family. Like, you know the way you have your, like, Christmas traditions and stuff like that? Like, everyone has different ones. My tradition, and I wish my mum had done it,

is I give my kids breakfast in bed every weekend. Once a week, breakfast in bed, and they get to watch tv that's lovely I know isn't that nice for them no one does it for me hinty hint hint come to my home no no okay Bella Hadid yes her morning routine yes It's a 10-step wellness regime. And now what I will say about Bella Hadid, she looks amazing.

Her skin is fab. There's no denying that. She had shiny skin. It was like tinfoil nearly. Yeah. It was gleaming. Yeah, she's a glow bug. But I'm sorry.

She swallowed 14 vitamin tablets in one gulp. Imagine how many I could get in my mouth. Did she do that? One gulp. How could she get 14 in? No, no, no, no. She held them out in her hand. She couldn't possibly have downed them all. She's mouth did she do that one gulp how could she get no no no she held them out in her hand she couldn't possibly

have downed them all she downed them all in a gulp those went down that gullet I'm telling you can you imagine how many I could fit down if she did that 60

I go through phases of vitamins now I do there's two that I do take well one in particular and it's a it's a probiotic for your tummy

but that's about it. I just think that like trying to... 14 a day. And all the glue. It was like she was drinking PVC glue. What was all the gloopy shit? Green sea moss gel.

And then she took shots of essential oils and fulvic detox which aims to eliminate toxins in the body. Now I'm all for that, right? And that's why I've set up camp in the sauna

because I'm like I'm going to like get rid of all this crap from the weekend but like you can't be going around and boozing and having fun

and then saying I'm going to take full Vic detox I think it's too much it's too much I think you can over sanitise your inside

like you you know you need a bit you need the old parasite in there come on she popped on the crystal bracelets

and she loves saging so you've that in common she got that from me but she sages her face You need the old parasite in there. Come on. She popped on the crystal bracelets. And she loves saging. So you've got that in common. She got that from me. But she sages her face. Because it's good for the skin. Sages the face. I think, do they know?

Do they? Firstly, I mean, we're not even going to talk about the time in the morning. How the fuck? What time does she get up? I don't know. But how long that would take? I know. But then she's not finished.

She journals and meditates and then finishes off with a delicious croissant. Yeah, I think I think they're pushing wellness as they're pushing wellness and we kind of we all know it's a bit of a cod really, isn't it? You just want it like You don't need a 16 step morning.

You have two fucking coffees and a beta blocker like everyone else. I wouldn't have a coffee and a beta blocker now because they kind of they defeat the purpose of each other. I would wake up Please don't purpose of each other I would wake up please don't dispute my process

I would wake up what? two red balls and a beta blocker what? I actually don't wash my face in the morning there I said it

I only wash it with water because I've cleansed it the night before so in the morning I only wash it with water Dr. Judith Storm told me when I went to see her

she's a dermatologist and she was like people are over. Washing. You don't have to be using scrubs and exfoliant like your skin is equipped to handle that itself and this like all these young ones these kind of whatever the generation behind the generation behind us. Millennials. Gen Z. No what are the ones underneath them Generation Alpha yeah the Alphas sorry what that's a new thing they're Generation Alpha

so like the 14, 15 year olds are using all these like really heavy retinols on their skin because they're watching these TikTok videos and they want to kind of like we did

you mimic adults so like we were like smoking byroids and wearing heels they're using all these really hard retinoids on their face and ruining their skin

I know well you don't need to be doing that you don't need to be exfoliating you don't need to be doing that on the regular you have a lovely body just keep it

keep it and don't be doing a Bella like I'll tell you well I'll tell you my favourite morning routine this is only if I can 7 o'clock if I can get in

I train and then 7.30 I eat something really quick get the kids ready for school and then I walk them to school and then I go home yeah and I and I start working and that's it that's nice I put on SPF as well yeah of course every day like I was I was working with there was male comics I was working with last night they're talking about we're talking about sunbathing and tanning and they're like oh yeah facing the not a bother. And I was like, you mad bastards. Facing the sun.

I was with this dermatologist, because I was in a job, and she wears a full visor, like as in covers her face down to beyond her chin. Like a beekeeper. She looked absolutely amazing. But like, you can't be going around like that. No. Scary for people.

Yeah, it is. In Benidorm, you'd look like you'd kind of a big audition I guess. It's because I don't get half the shit I audition for I don't get any of the shit I audition for. I don't think I've ever got a single audition. Republic of Italy

which was like 15 years ago. Do you remember that? The Chica Miga over there. Chica Miga over there. It was cancelled within six weeks when I got there.

They fired me and then they cancelled the whole show. I think I fucking it was cancelled within six weeks when I got there they fired me and then they cancelled the whole show I think I ran it into the ground I don't mean to be proud about it but I think

so Bella Hadid now I don't okay they all go and see this specific doctor who I would like to personally go and see myself

I don't know what I'd get done but he's a wizard so I would let him work his magic on my face. But did you see that picture of the girl who got a forehead reduction? I did, God love her. Because someone called her a five head.

Yeah, quite cruel. That's what kids are cruel. But we spoke about that before, about stuff that you would be scarlet about, like with my brother, with my legs and stuff like that, like sagging my legs. So I always had this weird thing about my legs but she got a she got a surgery

she's only 27 and it cost her nine grand but now she feels really confident I just wonder how like considering your brain I think did they move

her hairline forward is that what happened I think they must have moved her hairline forward but she felt like she always had to have a fringe I get if you've got something like that

that you're completely. Why not get it done? Do you remember that programme, The Swan? Oh my God, yeah. Do you remember, did you ever see The Swan? There was this programme on MTV,

it was in America, called The Swan. Amanda Byron. And there was, Amanda Byron, yeah, hosted it. And like, you could never do it today,

but people basically went to this house and then they were talking about the things that they didn't like about themselves. And they were given all this free plastic surgery. So they got all the plastic surgery on the show and then they revealed themselves. And they weren't allowed to look at themselves before the reveal. And these were just like regular women, you know, and suddenly they were being turned into pageant queens. And I remember reading something about it and they were like, it was actually, I mean, it was kind of unethical like they'd give them full-blown veneers and

like some of them were living in trailer parks and then they're gone you need to afford to upkeep veneers and and breast implants it cost a fucking fortune oh god it was actually so bad but you don't remember watching that when you were younger I mean I want to go on loved it so bad it was kind of before plastic surgery plastic surgery hit Ireland really. It seemed like a kind of very out of this world kind of thing. But yeah, I thought it was fab. Everyone loves a big reveal,

a big before and after. But it was, it was, it was crazy. Sadly, I was going to tell you about the fact that Bruno Mars is in $50 million of debt to the casino that he's been doing a residency in, but they've just come out to say that that's not the case. But like, is it not the case? Maybe they're protecting him.

It's a specific story. So he makes $90 million a year off the casino. Like, I would never have thought he made that much money. He will only make $1.5 million per night after taxes. Only. Only. Only. Basically. Poor Bruno. MGM basically.

Own him. I know we should have a whip around for him. God love him. Sort of got from me. So I have heard that he is quite the gambler though. Yeah. I went to see him now in concert and I wouldn't say I'm a huge Bruno fan.

That's why I think I was so taken aback by this story because I was like, what? Who's paying him 90? He's very talented just not for me I honestly think being a gambling addict

has to be the worst addiction you can have because there's no end to it it's not like if you're a binge eater or an alcoholic or a drug addict you'll kind of knock yourself out at some stage whereas gambling you'll just keep going and going and going and going because you're always going to think that you're going to win i know and you'll put the house on it you'll put your mother's house

on it and it's just i used to go out with somebody who was very into gambling like way too into gambling to the point where like just had nothing like nothing just like any money that was made would go straight into the casino and i could never understand it i know we just don't get it thank god i'm so glad i don't get it. Thank God. I'm so glad I don't get it. Don't you start getting into that now. I tried. Honestly, I was like

a neuter dog shagging the fucking slot machines. I had no interest. No interest. If that's not true, that's like, I find it so fascinating, the rumours and the bullshit

that goes around. Kate Middleton has reappeared. I just, I like, can you imagine, I suppose like, if that shows how famous they are. Like I just find it, like the amount of rumours

I've heard about that and I'm just like, it's so ridiculous. The amount of people mailing me by the way, being like, where is she? I'm like, I'm the last person

that would find out with the size of the mouth on me. I just find that healthy. You are royal adjacent. People are asking me if I know via you. But I'm not actually in any way royal adjacent as much as people would like to think I am. You are kind of.

I'm not really though. Well you are. Okay I'll take it. Yeah you are. I'm a royal. You're more royal. I actually though I feel sorry for her. Like, just... God, can she not take a break

without everyone, like, having aliens come and pick her up? Just chill. It's mad. I think because it's... She's so visible all the time. I was reading this thing the other day. They were like,

she's the first kind of internet princess. And she's the first one who's princess so she's the first one who's directly it's the first time they've had an Instagram account it's the first time they've had

social media so it's like that constant visibility and then she goes away and they're whoever their PR team Jesus like

fucking I haven't done PR in a long time but I could do a better job it was a shambles it wasn't great in fairness

it was a shambles and as if Kate is editing her own photos and banging them up online. Like when I worked for Vaseline, I had to send tweets through 16 people. There's no fucking way

she's just writing, doing something and being like, send, up, story's live. There's no way. But they somehow made her

take the hit for that. The whole story is absolutely wild though. I just don't know why we need a proof of life. Like she's hardly dead or a hostage do you know what I mean like she's just

taking a break and I have this I have this feeling the more I kind of grew and grew and we discussed this I was like I feel like it's going to be

one of those stories and thank god she's seen us now she's been out walking and out and about that when the truth comes out people are like

I wish I hadn't been like that but I had someone speak to me about it and I just the rumour they told me was so awful that I was like how can you

repeat that to a table full of people when it's complete bollocks was it the facelift was it the BBL no it's just no really

like an awful one but there's just been so many and it's like and even when she was spotted I saw people being like that's not her and it's like oh my when she was spotted I saw people being like that's not her and it's like oh my god please

like seriously you need to get a grip to see the photo when they don't help themselves because when people people want to think they're on the inside

scoop or they spot issues so when that photo came out and then it and then it was killed or whatever you're feeding into every conspiracy theory

anyone's ever had about the royal family or anyone I'd say QAnon are fucking buzzing wherever they are because it shows that they do lie about things

and there is more to discover about certain things yeah but you know what I think you'll never find out what's the point in even speculating

because you're never going to find out unless people want you to know you will never find out I think the truth I think the truth comes out eventually

via different I don't think so at all that really unless Harry plans on writing another book which he doesn't apparently

I read that somewhere I did read that he didn't think that he was going to write another book what else are you going to tell us you held nothing back

like what else your bowel movements over Christmas what else have you got Harry he's been cut out as well so he doesn't know anything about anything now.

No. That's it he's done. He'll just be like I joined an improv group in the Windy City. Wow okay thanks. Thanks Harry we can't wait to hear

your next useful information. Anyway I hope Kate is well and happy. I can completely understand how she would need a break whether it be mental a mental break

or a physical break. I could not imagine anything worse than being in that situation and part of that family or firm or whatever you want to call them. But what I was

pleasantly surprised at when she was about walking out of that farm with your man yesterday Yeah. She was wearing a black hoodie she looked so gorgeous in sports

wear yeah I was like who's putting her all those fucking goonas she loves a goona though

does she love a goona well remember I used to love a floral until Joanne came steamrolling in and she said get out of those

floral dresses now Vogue and she strangled me with one what in your velours in your G-signatures I just thought

she looked so gorgeous in her casual clothes I know but it's kind of weird it's like when I see my mum in casual clothes I'm like ooh maybe Kate's just

had enough of being put in emerald wraparounds she's just like I can't bear this and a flat pump maybe she's like I just need a break

from the wardrobe I would if I was her I mean it's a lot to be getting dressed up all the time I couldn't I was her I mean it's a lot to be getting dressed up all the time I couldn't I was in an office yesterday and there was people

going around in heels and they wear those heels all day like I find that really painful I'd be in a pump now I have to say a pump or an old runner

I wore heels a couple of times and when? it was very bad like my dad you can't you need to practice you need to have a my dad. You need to practice.

You need to have a bit of time. You need to have a bit of experience walking in heels to walk in heels the way women think. Like the way I thought I looked versus how I looked walking in heels. The way I thought I would look versus how I actually looked. It was barbaric.

I can imagine you and Amber walk quite similarly. Yeah. Wide gait. No more than yourself. Just stomping around. I look like I just stomping around I was like a cave woman four foot down at one time

I was like a cave woman who just crawled out of the cave and skipped a couple of evolution generations and suddenly I was in heels and a mini but I have so many pairs of heels

so many pairs and I just pack them for a job I put them in I wear them for the job and then I put them I get rid of them I don't want to be in them no

you can't run around town you can't scoot in a heel no I can't go scoot job and then I put them, I get rid of them. I don't want to be in them. No. You can't run around town. You can't scoot in a heel. No, I can't go scooting. And I tried to. I'll tell you what, I tried to scoot in a pump there the other day. I got a bad blister now on the back of my foot. Bad blister. Royal family rumours as well.

Did you see that thing about Prince Charles? King Charles. Oh, the Russians said he's dead. Where did that come from? They're trying to cause chaos. The ones in the troll farms. The troll farms? What's a troll farm?

So they have these, it was like, what China do as well, when there's an election or anything going on, they set up these, have you listened to the Amber Heard podcast yet? You should listen to it.

Is it Amber Heard's podcast? Who trolled Amber Heard? No. So it's all about. Stop, about that. Remember that, so when they have these troll farms

where they generate hundreds and thousands of tweets by bots and then they make them go viral and then suddenly it feels like there's this half the world is against this person and actually they're all just generated.

And it's what happened to Amber Heard. Yeah. So Who Trolled Amber Heard is a really good podcast. They're trying to get to the bottom of actually, because they figured out now that that's actually what happened. But they're trying to figure out now who actually did it. And

China and Russia do it and Russia did it to King Charles. Wouldn't it be amazing to be able to find out like mad stuff. Like there's loads of stuff I'd love to find out where it came from through me. Remember I was trying to do my own little wag from through me. Remember I was trying to do my own little wag at the Christie and then I was told

to put a pause on it. Yes. But like, because it's just, I thought fair play to her, but it was a bit of a waste of money. But like, I just think that like,

I just. A bit of a waste of money. But I mean. I feel you, Mel. But I just feel like. You can't put a price on your reputation. I know,

but you know, and you know, and it's like, I know but you know and you know and it's like I know and it's so frustrating and there's so much crap I'd love to just be like I need to find out about that but then you just do have to let it drop because otherwise what's the point? I know. You drive yourself mad. Yeah and you know deep down who's

In the words of Jedward you need to know what you're about and have your authentic self. Do you want Jedward to come on the bonus ep? Is that what you're aiming for have your authentic self. Do you want Jedward to come on the bonus app? Is that what you're handling for? I do love them. I do love them.

They sent me a Christmas message one year just out of nowhere. They send the funniest voicemails. Don't they? Vogue, what up? Just want to send you

some good vibes from Ireland. If you're in Ireland, great. If you're not in Ireland, you're still very, very close. Hopefully Spencer's there doing everything and you're just chilling there. Being the queen that you are. I know.

They're always so nice. They're so sweet. Oh, God. Yeah. Before we pop off just to say I'll be zooming in

from the Americas next week from Philly where I am doing a show and then I have a show in Chicago and I have

for some reason three shows in San Francisco and two shows in LA and all the tickets are on joannmcnally.com

I'm actually really jealous I'd love to be going there with you I'm looking forward to the long haul flight if I'm honest oh my god how long will it be

I don't I'm hoping three days remember the Australia one do you know what we should do for ourselves we should book ourselves a flight to Perth and just fly there

we should just never get off oh I'd love it will we do that one time I'd love it that's two full days I'd love it let's sit on either side of the plane

so it's like we're on our own but we're not on our own I can come out of it and be like isn't this fucking great no one can contact us this cost us a fortune

but it's worth every penny it's like going into some sort of vortex god it's so stunning I can't wait for a flight to Dubai I know it's only seven hours I know it's not great but it's still seven hours

it's like Flight of the Navigator. Do you remember? Flight of the Navigator. Yeah. And he lost like 16 years and then he went back and sadly had to relive them again. But yeah,

a flight to Perth and back would be great. Just do a U-ey. Do a 3.0 and Perth comes straight back. With Spenny, I asked, because we're flying to Dubai, we have shows on in Dubai,

by the way, and also Spenny and I are in Dublin on the 28th and 29th of March. But I asked to be seated away from him. I did. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Not at all. Does he mind?

No, he doesn't. Of course, he'll be all over me the whole time. But I was reading this book, right? Speaking of spending, because I asked him this last night. And I'm reading this. Someone sent me it. It's a great book.

It's about this woman who is in an open marriage. And basically it opens with her saying that her kid found out that she was in an open marriage. And it goes back to her being in an open marriage. basically it opens with her saying that her kid found out that she was in an open marriage and it goes back to her being in an open marriage and she starts from the very start and I thought it was so fascinating. I don't know, maybe

that will be part of my life at one point. I want to be in the open world but Svenny's not allowed to be. But I want to be. Is it a fiction book? No, it's real. Oh, nice. It's like her diary. It's really, really good. But I was thinking, like, because Svenny's tagging me saying that I'd come home crying. I don't think I would. You'd come home crying if you were in an open... Because I'd feel guilty because I did her diary. It's really, really good. But I was thinking like, because Fanny's tagging me saying that I'd come home crying. I don't think I would.

You'd come home crying if you were an elephant. Because I'd feel guilty because I did the writing. I don't know. I think you're coming into a new phase. Thanks, Joanne. I think you could handle the guilt

and maybe just throw an onion in your face on the way home so he thinks you're riddled with guilt. I think I could handle the guilt. And Joanne and I were in Soho House on Saturday and there is a lot of,

there's a lot of tail there. Is that what you say in Soho House on Saturday and there is a lot of there's a lot of tail there is that what you say? There was a lot of there was a lot of there was a lot of you're right there was a lot of tail there was a lot I thought this is where

I could begin the open marriage I was like I'll pull a few of those tails I pulled one of them right off remember I left six tails six tails in my handbag and I kissed his ass and I kissed his ass

that's my my favourite line of yours my favourite line of yours I didn't kiss him on the ass a shout out for Paul that's funny do you have anything else to say we don't

thank you everybody thanks for listening we'll see you on listening we'll see you on Wednesday we'll see you on Wednesday