My Therapist Ghosted Me - Mousey or Moussey?

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

Let's set the scene... Joanne's in her pyjamas and Vogue is prepped to the eyes with the controversies of the week. There's Adam Levine, Holly & Phil and a shocking look at Joanne's bedroom. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, with me, comedian Dora McNally, and her, fake comedian Val Williams. Thank you very much. What's blue and white and doesn't cross the road a dead chicken yes is it

no I just made the first bit up and I couldn't follow through because I don't know any jokes I read something only yesterday when I was looking

through stuff for the pod about this guy who said that he'd met Jesus he died had a near death experience his parents were told to turn off his life support said that he'd met Jesus. He died, had a near-death experience. His parents were told to turn off his life support.

And he said he met Jesus. And Jesus was up there with just loads of angels hanging around him. Just loads of angels. There's actually really fascinating. Firstly, I'd love to say, I bet his parents were like, we were told to turn off your life support. I bet they weren't. I bet they just wanted to turn it off.

Listen, I was about to say something that would have. My mum would be on the switch before they even be like, Jesus, Patricia. Sorry, I thought it was the light. You didn't, mum. You know I was about to say something that would have... My mum would be on the switch before they'd even be like, Jesus, Patricia. Sorry, I thought it was the light. You didn't, mum. You know it was my life. I needed to charge my phone, okay? I hate to see energy wasted. Thanks, mum. They're like, no, Pat, she's

still breathing. She's about to open her eyes. No, no, no, no. It's no quality of life. Bye, Joanne. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh,h shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh yeah shh Joanne stop crying you're fine go on go to your father your father's waiting for you go to the light go to the lighter yeah go to the light Joanne the light loves you come on focus focus oh no that's how Joanne's gonna get rid of me no she's definitely gone no she's gone she's gone no Joanne I'm here she always talks when she's dead she always talks when she's dead that's how Joanne's going to get rid of me no she's definitely gone no she's gone she's gone no Joanne I'm here Joanne I'm here

no she's gone she always talks when she's dead that's Vogue's thing dad talk that's what she does I've seen her dad loads of times

she's always chatting away don't mind her she's dead no she's definitely dead switch her off there will you okay I'll be like

next week it's me and Holly Willoughby Holly Willoughby and Philips. Go Phil Mitchell. This is a situation where I'm like, whoa. Like, do you know what's happened? And you've said this to me before, right?

I will tell you what's happened. Holly Willoughby has never been in an ounce of trouble in her entire life. And now that she's kind of in a little bit of hot water, people are pouncing. that she's kind of in a little bit of hot water. People are pouncing and they are ready to attack her because they're so thrilled that she is in trouble. I just think like the whole thing that happened was everyone's saying that they skipped the queue, but I think that they were just brought around

into like the ITV viewing area or something. But now everyone's like, actually we've been queuing up for like 15 hours and you just, but they were filming for this morning they weren't I know like going specifically to see and if you decided to queue for 15 hours all power to you but like that was your choice if it is true which I'd say it is that they were there to film imagine going you've come to work tomorrow but you pick to queue for 30 hours to get into work like that's not feasible to that I mean like if they were filming then it's a genuine excuse.

But what I will say is, you're right, Holly is kind of the UK's sweetheart. They love her. And she is like a golden child. She never puts a foot wrong. She looks like a cartoon character. She, like, every time she opens her mouth, it's just rainbows and giggles.

Yes, yes. Unicorns fall out of her teeth. Yeah, she's just, like, innocent. I'd say she just does missionary, like, do you know what I mean? Like like it's the Holly Willoughby we all know and love or Holly Holly lives this

complete double life you don't know maybe she's the one making money sitting on cakes she's the one anonymous he sits on cakes

on um what's that site that Vogue loves I know OnlyFans OnlyFans oh sorry you don't know maybe for Holly Holly'sFans oh sorry you don't know

maybe for Holly Holly's actually like completely twisted we don't know not that I'm saying sitting on cakes is twisted

you know I just think but another thing that happened right Eamon Holmes who obviously hates the both of them has come and stuck

his oar right in and he's like I'm disgusted at what's oh wait I actually he hits out

at arrogant ex-colleagues he hates he hates he hates them and he's just like this is my moment but it's like they've got

they've got 50,000 signatures to have them taken off air it's like oh my god seriously but the people are people are so British people are so censored by anything to do with the Queen

which is gas I saw two things I saw it was almost so funny someone was saying you're queuing to to do with the Queen, which is gas. I saw two things I saw. It was almost so funny. Someone was saying, you're queuing to see, like, the royal family. A flag! It's a flag! I know.

I actually assumed the coffin would be open. No, no, no. I was like, why would you queue to see a flag? Anyway, look, we, you know, whatever. Again, I'm very careful about how I talk about this. Ropey ropey. But people wanted to go and pay their respects and they did but what I was gonna say was the royal family is the epitome of privilege do you think the queen would be queuing to see herself not a fucking hope she would have gone

in the back gate as well so like why you know what I mean you're queuing to see a woman who's the epitome of privilege and then you're giving out about people treated being treated people were privileged skipping the queue. So I think as well, the fact that David Beckham queued from two in the morning. But like David Beckham needed, he needed a little bit of good press, didn't he? Didn't he?

Why? Has he been in trouble recently? Yeah, because he's basically the head of the Qatari. I did not know that. He took a job for like a hundred, he basically sold his soul. So Holly and Phil got an absolute bollocking. David Beckham is like now the king of the world because he queued up. But I'm not

saying that's why he did it. What I am saying is he desperately needed that good press. Apparently he's a real royalist. Wasn't he knighted and everything? No, he wasn't knighted. Or was he knighted? Oh, I think he was knighted. No, he was just the other thing. He wanted to be knighted. He was the other thing what's the other thing? I don't know like MBE

I don't know. Oh The one below knighting O. OBE. Oh he's an OBE. What's an OBE? It sounds like he's an optometrist What is he an optometrist? It's an honour by order of the British Empire

Oh tragic. That's a real burn, isn't it? I know. You're not a knight. I read a really funny tweet recently because it was obviously talking about the land accused to see the Queen. And they were like, surely it would make more sense to just wheel the Queen past the queue at this stage.

I saw that. And it did make sense. But I know. I have to say, when I die, I would like something similar. Okay? I think we say, if you die, because I know you're scared of death. We don't like to present it as a definite for you. If you die, which you might not, folk. You might not.

Theodore keeps saying it to me. He's like, I don't want you to die. And I'm like, honestly, is something coming my way? I remember exactly where I was. I was in bed. My father was reading me a story and I remember so well the reality that I knew my was the day that I figured out my parents were gonna die and I was inconsolable yeah he's quite quite worried about it yeah and yesterday me and Amber were walking along and I was like god I was dying on Sunday and he was like don't die

don't die I was like oh no it's a different way I wasn't actually dying yeah mommy was doing a dramatic death not a real death yeah not a real death

hopefully forever but yeah I was thinking something along the lines of that funeral is something I would like for myself I could guarantee we could definitely

organise that for you we could organise actors like you just have to like use all my money we'd have to rent a queue because you'll be cancelled at that stage there'll be no one actually there

legitimately Holly and Phil Holly and Phil are allowed in first I know you'd want Scandal at your funeral wouldn't you you'd be like someone skip the queue for God's sake

I need a headline I'll be dead but I need a headline they're just oh I'd hate that I actually feel quite sorry for them I'd say they're very upset

about the whole thing and I'd say it was a legitimate situation where they had to go in the back door I think Phil can take it he's turned off all comments on his Instagram

Holly hasn't and I just think like turn them off because you know what like I have been near cancelled before and it's like

as much as we laugh about it like it is not funny oh god it's really like i had such bad anxiety like it was just because you have people coming at you left right and said i know it's horrible all this abuse about something they don't actually know the real truth about and you just can't say anything but even if they do know the truth even if they do know the truth even if holly and phil did skip the queue do they really deserved it like do you know what i mean like move on with your life i'll tell you what two extra people being in the queue. Do they really deserve that? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, move on with your life. I'll tell you what,

Theodore was always trying to skip the queue. two extra people being in the queue isn't going to, isn't going to, isn't going to reduce the time that people are going to be queuing for. I don't know. Holly seems like a nice person.

I don't know. You know what I mean? She does. I wouldn't imagine she was handing anyone a brain envelope to skip the queue. No, definitely not. Do you know what I mean? Well welcome to my therapist guest room Me Jerome McNally

And her A comedian Jerome McNally And her comedian Imposter Fouke Williams Hello hello hello Fouke's like tapping the mic Anyone in from America?

America! Okay quick update. Nick Cannon has welcomed his ninth child while he is awaiting the birth of his tenth. Done. Anyway,

one of the biggest stories Sorry, how much I'd like to say I'm sorry, I know this is crude but it sounds like Nick Cannon has 12 dicks. How is he getting that many women pregnant

at the same time? How is that physically possible, Jo? How is it possible? But these women must be super, super fertile as well. Like, it's kind of incredible. It sounds like these women are putting their legs up

for three hours after. Remember, you'd see that in the movies. They put their legs up in the air to let the sperm travel down because sperm can't swim against the tide, apparently, even though a salmon can.

Will I tell you something about sperm, okay? There's nothing. Excuse me, Vogue. There's things I know and there's nothing you can tell me that I don't know about sperm. Okay, I'm going to tell you something. That's like me trying to tell you something about sperm? Okay. There's nothing. Excuse me, Vogue. There's things I know and there's things, there's nothing you can tell me that I don't know about sperm. Okay.

I'm going to tell you something. That's like me trying to tell you about breastfeeding. There's nothing I don't know about this. Go on. If you want to, well, this is only a rumor, but I'm pretty sure this is why we ended up with Gigi. So basically,

if you are trying for a girl, right, you don't have sex on your day of ovulation. You have sex like three or four days before because female sperm is slower than male sperm, but it lives longer. So female sperm will live for five days up there, wherever it is. I don't know where it lives. It lives up there. And when the egg drops, it will drop into a female sperm because the male sperm would have already died.

But you know what's so funny? Women live longer in life as well. That's gas. Yeah. And we are slower. Like if you put me against Usain Bolt, I would guarantee to lose.

So that's all very true. Yeah, that is true. He's pretty, he's pretty quick. I thought if you wanted a boy to do something weird like eat a spoon or something, was there not some,

there's some weird kind of wifely tale of like, if you're, if your baby's kind of, if the feet are hanging out before you're born, it's a boy. If the feet are coming out your mouth, it's a girl. There's something, if your baby's kind of, if the feet are hanging out before you're born, it's a boy. If the feet are coming out

your mouth, it's a girl. Wasn't there something like if your bump is high, it's a fish? Oh no, so if your bump, girls ruin you basically. So you go wide, wide, wide with girls

and you're just like, I was in bits with my pregnancy with Chi Chi. Like they ruin you. They take, it's girls supposedly steal your beauty. If I ever,

if I ever have another child, right, and if I get pregnant and you hear along the grapevine that it's a boy well i will be hearing along the grapevine because i will have cut you out of my life so it'll be the grapevine i'll be hearing about it on but yeah i won't be hearing it from your own mate i'm just i'm just saying do not contact me for weeks okay i need time to come to terms with it and that oh if you have a baby it's a boy i listen I want another girl. Listen, I don't want any more babies.

I don't. I am. I was up, guess how many times? I swear, I won't mention how long I slept. Nine times last night. No, I'm sorry. We've put a, we've put a, what do you call it, Jo? Moratorium?

You're not allowed to talk about your sleep, Vogue. I'm sorry. Okay, do you know what? When I started talking- Sorry, Vogue, I'm sitting here in my pajamas. I haven't mentioned the fact that I slept for 15 hours last night. I was fucking comatose. 15 hours? I'm convinced one of my pajamas. I haven't mentioned the fact that I slept for 15 hours last night. I was fucking comatose. I'm convinced one of my housemates is drugging me.

And I'm like, drug away. I'm having the sleeps of my life. Can I come down for a drugging? I'm telling you now. Don't cover your glass. Leave your glass. Make a cup of coffee in this house. Leave it unattended.

I don't know what happens. 15 hours? Did you wake up at all? What about food? I slept. I kind of woke up in it. Maybe I had a fever. I don't know. I kind of woke up in it. Maybe I had a fever. I don't know.

I kind of woke up every now and again. Oh my God, that would be so... That's like my dream. That is my dream. I honestly... Anyway, we'll move on. Anyway, yeah, no talking about sleep. Okay, there was two main stories that happened this week, but Holly and Phil are thrilled that the second story happened. Oh, go on. Adam

Levine. I know. I don't know. Yeah, go on adam levine i know i don't know what yeah go on give me your thoughts on it okay my thoughts on it right sorry take me should explain actually sorry what happened so adam levine has basically it's up to five women now who've come forward so adam levine is married to this gorgeous victoria's secret model um he's expecting his third child with her and an instagram influencer came out um saying that she had been having an affair with him for a year and that she uh he was really uh whatever happened she came out and said it and then another four women have come forward since now here's my thoughts on it i think he's a scumbag because you know what if you go and do shit like that right everybody makes

mistakes everybody can be stupid but like how stupid can you be and I was actually personally offended by his statement I was just like what is that it was the shittest statement I've ever read he should have said absolutely nothing it was kind of annoying and it's like we'll get through this together like also don't speak on behalf of your wife like you just fucked her over big time they must have had a conversation about it and agreed that they were going to get through it or else

he wouldn't say it like that do you know what my feelings on it are what firstly I read about it the stupid thing was that he did it from his own account like I think maybe like he did it from his own account. Like, I think maybe. Like, he did it from his own official tick, tick, tick Instagram account.

Yeah, but that's how he got them. That's how he got them roped in because they would see that it was him and they were kind of like starry-eyed, I think. Because personally, I wouldn't say, like,

he's not, he's not, like, he's not up my street. This is how I feel. Maybe I have scandal fatigue or maybe I have just lost the will to care anymore or maybe it's because I just woke up.

I don't know. Maybe it's because the drugs that were in my system from maybe it's because I just woke up. I don't know. Maybe it's because the drugs that were in my system from whenever my house might put in my coffee. I don't know. News alert. Famous man is a bit of a sleazebag. How, like we fucking, I know no famous men to know. This is not a unique thing to Adam Levine. Famous man sends flirty

texts to women half his age who are hot. But you know what I will say? The Instagram model who's saying she had an affair, she's saying that she told the story because she sent screen grabs to her friends. Whether that's true or not, okay? But the rest of them, I'm not victim blaming or anything like that. But you got sleazy texts from a celebrity and now his wife is fucking humiliated and the stories are everywhere. I feel so sorry for his wife, especially because she's pregnant. So she'd have hormones going all over the place.

But like the thing about it is, he did that to her when she was pregnant. And it's just like, you arsehole. They want to publicly humiliate him for whatever their reasons are. But like, I just think he ditched her. If you're going to play with fire, he's going to get burnt. And he's obviously been doing it left, right and center. And it's kind of turning into the Tiger Woods thing. I believe Adam.

No, I don't. I stand with Adam. I stand with Adam. I think Adam is the victim in't. They're saying. I stand with Adam folks. I stand with Adam. I think Adam is the victim in all of this actually. I feel very sorry for him. Do you know why I feel like this? Because I was in a relationship

with a man before who was carrying on with loads of women behind my back and DMing them and all these emotional affairs and all this bullshit. I would have much preferred

if those girls wanted me to know that they'd tell me. I just would have I feel for his wife I wouldn't like it to be made public. I think we live in a culture now where people just rat each other out publicly that's what happens so it's not about he said she said man woman affair it's just I don't the culture of ratting each other out publicly I've I've hit I've hit a wall with this I know it is I've hit

a wall I'm bored of it now I have I have outing fatigue the reason like I'm kind of like not that I'm like sadistically looking forward to it unfolding but I'd say that there's a lot more to come from this story

because five people have come out in the last two days like how many more is there do you know there's a website that will teach you

how to have an affair what yeah like why do you have to be taught just like because people are thick like Adam

and they get caught out. Adam, you dirty little shitebag. Adam is like in the junior infants of Sleaze. Like he's in the... He's in the... He has no lessons. He has no information. He doesn't know what he's doing.

Yeah. So this person will teach you like... But some people are just like... Because I did a TV show on this and some people are just literally looking for an emotional affair as well. But like, I I did a TV show on this and some people are just literally looking for an emotional affair as well. But like, I find it really bizarre that he would just so blatantly go and do that

to think that he could get away with it. It's like, what dude? Like, what? There's probably a bit of ego there as well that he thinks he's a bit bulletproof. But maybe there's more to it. But apart from the girl on TickTick that he had the affair with,

from what I can tell, the other ones are just saying that he sent the messages and stuff i'm just like if i got a message from adam whatever i'm so i'm so scared to even say it but this this um website that teaches you how to have an affair it's all about like burner phones apparently there's a there's a website or an app you can use that deletes but what's up you can delete your messages now as well but there's an app you can use that deletes, well WhatsApp you can delete your messages now as well, but there's an app you can use that'll delete your messages automatically. Except people get stung because they keep the messages

and they go away on fictitious weekends away and he's like, they're the two big mistakes. Just don't do those things. But you know, if you're going out of your way that much to have an affair, like really, do you still want to be in that relationship? Like what's the point of it? Because the secrecy is what's attractive. That's what I think.

I, now I could, like if, right, if you, like, if you're out in the piss one night and if I ended up scoring Alex Turner, let's say, okay, if I scored Alex Turner, I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be like slyly mailing him behind Spenny's back. But like, if you're out and like something happened, like, I'm not saying that I would do it because I genuinely don't,

it would never cross my mind to want to do something like that. Really? Because it sounds like this is literally what's crossing your mind right now. We're listening to it cross your mind. So if anyone spots Alex Turner, if they could pop me a quick DM, I would be absolutely thrilled. I think some people are just hooked on attention. Like I was in another guy that I went out with who had an emotional affair. Well, had several, but one that I stung him on.

Anyway, whatever, we won't go into the deets. I remember asking him like why why why because I knew he wasn't I knew I kind of knew by him and what he was into that he wasn't into this girl I knew that she wasn't really his type now that's not to say I don't know but anyway I was like why and he was like I just she gave me so much attention I just really liked the attention and I was like it was such a it's so simple but it's so true he just wanted the attention and I guess when you're in a relationship with someone that kind of attention you can't give someone attention like that all the time because you get used to each other and you fall into a different groove but they want the it's as simple as that the attention and I'd say that's what Adam was thriving off it was just this attention from these hot young ones no but you

know Emily Ratajkowski was a and like obviously like which she has never um do you know what that's a good example she's actually never come out and said that her husband cheated on her multiple times but that's the rumor and that's where they broke up and she came out and said that people giving the girl on tiktok so much shit need to just like step back a bit and just be like right it's not because it is so easy to blame women but it's not it's not like it's like you forget about the guy who's actually cheated it's like she's not to blame he is in a relationship and he is yes she shouldn't have done it but he's the one who has a wife who's pregnant who's in a relationship who

has kids who shouldn't be doing it so he is the one who's the dirty dog and nobody else and i would i don't know if he'll come back from that because he's got such a clean little image on the voice and everything but it's like that thing, can you separate the person and the art, like I don't know I'm using the term art but Maroon 5 is probably a stretch but I I just think

like I know I'm I know I'm sceptical and cynical but I just think everyone's at it so it just doesn't hold the same weight for me anymore, I'm just like everyone's at it so it just doesn't hold the same weight for me anymore I'm just like everyone's at it so what everyone's having affairs Jo

you're probably fucking strung out no sure Jo why are your eyes going so wide there I don't know why did you shake your head

when you said that Jo he nodded like a Freudian slip of the head I did not anyway my thoughts and prayers

go out to Adam Levine I really hope he gets a break from the sorry you go you go I was filming for have you been watching

Married at First Sight is the show good this year the show's very good this year but I don't think I can talk to you about it because now you haven't been watching it I feel like everyone's been watching it i was thinking though i'm married for aside celebrities oh yeah i'd go on that me too yeah i'd end up getting someone like joe swash i know he's already married but there'd be someone like that who would we get for joanne honestly jamie lang i think like that would have been hilarious

we'd be a great married couple it would be platonic but we would be a great married couple yeah you'd never marriages are never have sex never have sex excuse me jamie lang would be a great option for me because we do get on who would be my option so engaged you want me to say dave the rapper don't you i can see it in your life. Oh, is that what you meant? Dave the Rapper? Oh, I've never thought of that. Okay. That guy that you have his name tattooed in your ass cheek. Dave the Rapper, yeah? That's so strange.

I never would have put us together. But now that you say it, we would be a good match. Yeah, we would. You know what? All fair. She'd just tell me she had a wet room in bed and my nature's planning to just know he is. Spenny told me something that boys have boners all night during the night like

up and down and up and down is that true Jo? I would be asleep so I wouldn't know Do you not remember in Sex and the City when Charlotte put a roll of stamps around Clay's penis to see if he got an erection in the night No I don't remember that

and then when she went because he couldn't get it up for her and she was like trying to figure out, was it mental? Was it physical? So she put a row of stamps around his penis. I'm being very medical today. And it snapped during the night when she woke up. It was broken, so she knew that he could get it up. Oh God, no.

But I feel like Spencer is saying that to you to set himself up for something. I don't know what it is. I'm suspicious. Listen, I was trying to read my book last night and like I was so excited I had 100 pages left and he knew how excited I was to get into bed and read my book do you think he would leave me alone until I just we just had sex I was like I will later I'm just reading my book we will later just reading my book it's like a dog with a bone well I would be very careful about telling this story because there's married couples out there who haven't seen each other naked since 2002 and you're giving out your husband wants to ride you all the time that's not a bad complaint

listen sometimes i just want to read my book okay i'm very tired at the moment as i've as i've said not all of us are getting 15 hours sleep a night okay do you want that's three hours for me i don't know what's wrong with me i had to pull my eyes open to even get out of bed to do this podcast i'm still in my pajamas for god's sake do you know what i because i went this is now if i choose to have a drink, right, and I know that we recorded the pod last time and I said I was never drinking again.

Well, I did. I was drinking again on Saturday. But it's, you have to do it. You can't not, I can't not go on the fest. I know, you have to. It all, do you know what? It all started with a cherry white claw.

As all good stories start. I'll just, I'll just have one of these. I'll have one of these. Long time ago, or is it a long, long... What's the start of a fairy tale? Once upon a time. Once upon a time.

The day started with a cherry white claw. It ended with every woman's dad. I'm getting my hair done today. Do you know what I've realised? The blonde's coming out of my hair. My hair is... My natural hair colour is disgusting it's like a non-event it's like um moosey mousy brown what is it mousy or moosey brown what's the saying mine's mousy is it mousy yeah i think it's moosey no no it's not anyway it's a rodent brown

my hair is a rodent non-existent brown it's disgusting so i'm going to get my highlights done so excuse the fact i I look 90 years of age I think that when you have really blonde hair like we've dyed our hair everyone's hair looks rodent brown so mine is kind of

rodent brown as well but I think maybe it wouldn't look like that if we didn't have the blonde in it no I think your hair is like you have a natural balayage because your your natural hair colour is

it's a specific colour it's like you've got brown hair and then blonde in it I've got rodent coloured hair anyway I feel for everyone out colour it's like you've got brown hair and then blonde in it I've got rodent coloured hair anyway I feel for everyone out there who's got rodent

coloured hair with no specific description it's really annoying if I had a dark if my hair was dark naturally I would just let it be dark

I wouldn't be spending thousands a year on fucking getting it coloured imagine having Gigi's hair those highlights are like

that's bizarre I don't know where she got I used to have white blonde hair Though when I was younger She's got a natural Head of highlights And I'm not even messing

When I say Every time she wakes up She looks like she's had A curly blow dry I know she does She's had a bouncy blow What the fuck I don't know

I do not know She's really obsessed With phones now You literally Cannot leave your phone Everywhere Anywhere And she just takes it

And she's like I just have it for a little bit And she just pisses off at your phone. What are you doing now? That's great. Because if anything, if you ever sound any embarrassed, like if I was Adam Levine, I'd say my child got a hold of my phone.

She's at the phone again. I was hacked. I love when people do something embarrassing and then it doesn't work out. And they're like, I was hacked. When you think you're doing someone a favor and you're not like that time, you two gave their album away for free on iTunes and everyone was like, how dare they?

I know that was, that felt like a slight overreaction to me, to be honest. It's not like they gave, it wasn't like the thing came with an STI that you were, you called if you opened the iPod. It was a song. Delete it, delete it. Now my favorite U2 song, speaking of U2, do you know the song Disco Tech? It doesn't get enough, enough airtime. It's a great tune. You're dead right.

It's such a tune. You stick dead right. It's such a tune. Mm-hmm. You stick that in your next DJ set. What? Is it a DJ? My next DJ set. When are you DJing next? I was actually meant to DJ on Friday,

but childcare issues have meant that I'm not able to. One of the first jobs I've had to say, I actually can't do that. Hold on. All 12 of the nannies were busy. I find that hard to believe. Surely one of them was free. Do you know what though?

I know like now, I don't know if it's true because I don't personally know, but my friend has told me that this girl, I'm going to try and keep it very vague. Basically, she has three kids

and three nannies in London. That's it. That's how you do it. Imagine. But what are they doing? The kids go to nursery. That's it. but then they just stay outside the nursery chatting and smoking probably and then pick up the kid the dream that's what i

i would if i i would love that i have to say now i'd like a nanny for myself in that case imagine can you like evening you make my make my make my lunch airplane Fiji little soft food illegal in the afternoon the dream babies are living their fucking lives yeah I think they're called assistants

at our age so I shot the new bear by vogue campaign this week and don't worry our code goes to 20 still alive still alive

so I shot our Christmas campaign for the first time we're doing a Christmas box would you like one Joanne what's in it? Okay, well, there's different kinds of things. I'm a bit ungrateful.

But you know what's in it? A lump of coal. That's what yours has. That's what yours has. There are assorted boxes of things that people would like from the business side. Sorry, just while we're talking about folks, businesses,

can I just say, and this is not me blowing smoke up your ass because you know I'm hesitant to do that yes I do I got your gym stuff with Lucy Nagle my god

it is so I know which colour did you get blue I'm surprised I was thinking of trying to screw Lucy out of another one

and saying oh the size didn't fit I'll return and get another one but I was like no because she might ask me to actually return it and I was like no I'll just hold on to it

I would say if you asked her she'd send you another one but I was like no because she might ask me to actually return it and I was like no I'll just tell Dan to it I would say if you asked her she'd send you another one it is genuinely now the most comfortable yeah it was very comfortable well it takes such a long time because if you don't have

the right material for a legging so we went through about like nine different fabrics and then we found a really really good one so that's why our leggings are so soft

and they're squat proof so thank you very much Joanne Do you hear Andrew Garfield did you see this story where he was talking about that Andrew Garfield is a method actor apparently I had

I didn't know that Is he? Yeah I always think that's a bit much isn't it? I know It sounds a bit wanky but apparently it's legitimate

and he was actually defending method acting and he was saying for some role that he had that he was a he was a he was a Jesuit priest in it I at the mormon show it's a really good show is it fuck that i wouldn't want to be hanging out with him for a year while he's filming that well anyway he says he was celibate for six months into before filming and i was like six

months that's a long weekend for me what are you you on about? It's not celibacy. It links back to the Adam Levine thing. This is how much sex or how much sexual power famous men have. Sorry, Joanne. Joanne. Like, maybe I am a sexual, like. Predator. A deviant.

Deviant. Well, you're married, Vogue. It's different. but no I don't like honestly like I never thought of myself as being like super highly sexual but like

I wouldn't have to go six months no way I'd easily I'd easily go like if I'm not with someone yeah if I'm not with someone I switch off I have no interest

oh no I'd be going on the hunt I basically my I kind of my genitals go into hibernation I guess you'd call it hibernation

I don't know I don't know sorry sorry Jo but it's true you must be hanging around with yourself a little bit more then

in that sense I'm telling you it's like a switch no you don't go completely celibate you must be like I'm telling you though I'm telling you now building up your toy collection

no I'm telling you now sometimes I just lose all interest I'm like if I'm single I if I'm single, I just, I'm like, I couldn't be arsed. I couldn't be arsed

even having a go on myself. And it'll go on for months and months and then something will happen. I'll be like, oh no, Joanne, you need to get back on the train

and you know, it's all about momentum. But like, I'm not sexually charged 12 months a year. Unless I wet someone and then I'm into it. But if I'm not,

I could just give up completely. I'm like, oh whatever, I couldn't be arsed. Yeah, no, I would. I'd be, no. I'd find that quite hard. No, I wouldn't.

Sometimes I'm just like, it's like a light just switches off. You're like, couldn't be bothered. I could go a couple of weeks without even thinking about it, to be honest with you. A couple of weeks? God, you're very good. A couple of weeks, yeah. That's why I'm permanently in a relationship. Yeah. But there's nothing worse'm permanently in a relationship. Yeah.

But there's nothing worse than being in a relationship with somebody you don't know sex with. Oh, I've been there as well. Yeah, I've been there as well. Same. You're like, sure, just after. What about in a month's time? Yeah, I've got my...

This is so awkward. Sorry, I've actually got my period. I've had it for six months now. Sorry about that. I actually have a severe migraine. It's not a headache, it's a migraine. I would love that one-on-one nanny care. I'd be like, oh God, I haven't seen the babies in days.

Where are the babies? I don't know where they've been taken care of by the team of nannies. I'm like, oh, I can't. Tell them I'll see them at their Holy Communion. Bye. Yeah, when I collect their funds I have a second SSE arena on October 14th

that needs love the first arena sold out which I was like oh deadly that's like throw on a second one huge mistake

is that in Cork is that in Cork no it's in Belfast the SSE in Belfast oh anyway I love Belfast I know and it's in Belfast. Yes, I see in Belfast. Oh, I love Belfast. I know, and it's such a deadly room. Anyone, if there's anyone in Dublin

that hasn't seen Joanne's show, which I highly doubt, go up to Belfast. It's so nice up there. I know. To go for lunch and stuff and to wander around. I'd love to know what the demographic,

what the stats are population-wise because it seems to me like Belfast is significant it has significantly more women I don't know why maybe it's just because I gig and I I meet a lot of women

but it's just sound women everywhere oh come here to me and I'm not just saying that because I need to sell a second arena I genuinely think you're really sound

oh sorry particular shout out to Salford who I've never experienced energy like that in the room like Vicar Street's one thing

but Salford they were standing up before I'd even said anything. Like they were, Gerard was like introduced to me and they were like on their feet. I was like, I haven't said a thing. I just, I don't deserve this at all. But the energy in that room was unbelievable. So thank you, Salford. It was one of my favorite shows ever. That's up in Manchester, isn't it?

Yeah. I'm not surprised. It's Manchester adjacent. Manchester adjacent Salford. I know Alexander had a couple Of friends over there Recently and I was like Oh where are you

Bet you from in America They're like We're from Canada I was like Oh well I've just Said the worst thing Possible so hello We wanted to know

What we did this week I'm trying to look At my week as well I feel like I feel like Because Monday Turned into a bank holiday That I wasn't expecting

I feel like I've been Like chasing my tail All week Oh my god I actually Joanne put up A video of her I feel like I've been like chasing my tail all week oh my god I actually Joanne put up a video of her room and like I was so close to a panic attack that I was like do you want me to come over and help you will I help you with that room but it's do you know what it is it's it's just because I'm not here that much when I come in when I come in I have two days to unpack everything repack everything you know what I mean it's a constant it's exhausting I was saying to Vogue

it's fucking relentless do you know what I bought Vogue what vacuum bags oh my god she's come over to the dark side I'm gonna pump my way

into an organised life you are gonna because you know what you do not have the space for your summer bits during the winter like when we get to the point we have a winter wardrobe and a summer wardrobe,

that will be a really nice day, but it's not coming for a long time. It was actually kind of embarrassing because I was like, I'll pack up my summer wardrobe and the vacuum bags are huge. I didn't even half fill the thing. Sometimes I don't have a summer wardrobe. Oh, wow. I was like, there must be other things. Come on, Joanne.

You made a really big deal about getting these vacuum bags so you could pack away your summer wardrobe. Turns out I have four bikinis and one pair of denim shorts. That's all I have. Well, listen, you won't know yourself when you're packing away your coats next summer. Oh, I'm living for the coats. Living for the coats.

Another organizing tip, you have to buy yourself velvet hangers. Just get the black thin velvet hangers. They save like 30% space and everything has to be buttoned up so then it all sits nicely on the hanger again saves like i told you i'd come over and do this for you i know but like it's there was actually a company contact me and they're like we'll come over and organize your

room that's kind of what they do and i said thank you so much but it'd be wasted on my bedroom if i get a house at some stage i'd love if you helped me there joan take take 10 steps back accept it you will die with how amazing people like that are if they come over and organise like it's just but you will always

follow that why do you think I live in my wardrobe downstairs because I'm just like I need to put everything back perfectly but you know what it is

I've outgrown my I've outgrown my room and I've outgrown my wardrobe I've too much stuff like I'm nearly 40 now like I should have my own flat like that's where I should be

but I just don't have time to organise I know but you're not we've spoken about buying a flat I know but you're not allowed we've spoken about buying a flat I think what you need to do is

get those wardrobe people over and let us all see it online because there's no content I love more than that please do it

for me thank you very much for listening I've been Vogue Williams a comedian extraordinaire and she's been

Joanne McNally kind of comedian and we will continue to be those people next week when we're back yes yes correction corner

we're on our holidays next week we're not auction holidays but we're not doing the pod for a while whoa whoa whoa that sounds a bit you know

you'll be back you'll be back in October don't worry as much as I don't like announcing a departure from Instagram because I just think like go away

and just come back when you feel like it. I am going to announce that we are departing the pod for two weeks for a quick break, a brain refill and we're very excited to come back but we're also very excited to have a little holiday. Exactly, if we're at the stage of the podcast where we're talking about my

wardrobe, we really need to go away. That's the content I love. I'd listen to a pod just on your wardrobe if I could. We need to live our lives, get some more interesting stuff and come back. Basically, me and Vogue have had a massive fallout and we can't look at each other anymore

so the pod may or may not be back. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Joanne and I have been fighting, physically fighting. Physically fighting. Vogue glassed me yesterday. She glassed me, Jo. She swilled me.

Isn't that what the Geordie Shore people say? Swilling, isn't it? Swilling. When you throw a drink at someone. Yeah, I think it's swilling. Have you ever thrown a drink at someone? I have.

Have you? Yes. Who? I think a couple of times. What? One was to one of Spenny's friends. Was it a joke or was it a serious swill? No, it was a serious swill.

I know. What did they do to deserve the swill? There was a lot of deservingness of the swill because I actually got an apology after said swill. Okay, okay. Yes, then I knew I was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who knew that you'd be the violent one?

Huh? Oh, I have quite the temper. I do. Oh, I know, but they don't know, but they know now. You know now. I break things. That's my worst trait. Breaking things and then regretting breaking them after.

But I haven't done it in a while. This laptop has been around at least two years. If that swilling story doesn't make the Daily Mail, I will quit, retire and bury myself in the ground. Are you sure? I only said it because I need a bit of press, you know? If it's one thing about William's needs, it's more press. Bye.