My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Floor Length Denim Cape-Jacket."

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

It's time for the midweek therapy dose! This week, the emailers find themselves being driven all over London and carrying out the finest detective work. Plus, creative denim handbags and pregnant bellies. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

hello and welcome to our bonus episode of my therapist ghosted me with me Bo Gulliams and Joanne McNally thank you bye Joanne I'm starting with an email Joanne your story about passing out in a plane reminded me of the time I was absolutely smashed. Got a cab in central London and gave the cab driver my old address. He drove... Oh, no.

He drove me to North London. I fell asleep and woke up outside a house I hadn't lived in for six months. I said to him that I didn't live there, and he went absolutely mad. Bless him, though. He didn't kick me out, asked me where I actually lived,

and drove me to the other side of London. Must have been an extra 40 minutes. Still charged me though. Final fare was 87 quid and when I got out of the cab he told me, grow up and take some fucking responsibility.

Sorry, why? It's so weird that she's like, bless him though, he didn't kick me out. It's his job. He fucking charged you for it. It's his job.

He should have been thrilled you went to the wrong house. I know, like I find, have you ever tried to get into a taxi and they're like, oh you're not going far enough? Yeah, well, supposedly they're not actually legally allowed to do that.

I live in Hoth, so whenever I'm in town, they're only thrilled to bring me home. Of course, yeah. Or sometimes they go, you're going too far. So sometimes it'll be like, we won't get a fare back in. Well, yeah. So we're not going out. And some of them are on their last fare. So like they want to go the way they go home.

Yeah, he's like, which way are you going? It's like, you can't legally ask me that. I'm getting in. Well, I actually went to jump in a taxi with Theodore when I was really, really pregnant. And I went to get in. He was like, nah, sorry. There's a, what are they called?

Protests along that way. And he wouldn't take me. Yeah, but that's kind of fair. No, it isn't. But there's no way of getting through. He told me to get the tube. I had a child and I was fully like really pregnant. I don't want to get the tube. I want to child and I was fully, like, really pregnant. I don't want to get the tube.

I want to get in your car. But if they can't, you can't drive through, if there's people like protesting, you can't drive through them. No, but, excuse me, the next taxi that took me went around the protests

because he wasn't an asshole. I got into an Uber, I got into, I rang an Uber, I ordered an Uber the other day and this car pulled up and I said, are you for Joanne?

He goes, I don't know, I didn't check the name. Did you check the reg? And I said, no, and I just got in anyway. The two of us were just, this could just be some fucking buzzer in a car.

Sorry, it keeps running. This could just be some lad in a car. I'm just like driving, doing laps of Clapham Common with a complete stranger and he doesn't know if I should be in the car

and I don't know if I should be in the car and we're just buzzing around. I get really worried about that like I always like I check the license plate then I get in

and I'm like who are you here for just to make sure that like he's not going to murder me yeah do you want another email oh my boobs are so stingy

do you know what happens when you breastfeed it's mad like my boobs are like they sting so bad and then squirt milk out yeah I know

gross this woman she thought her husband was cheating on her. I mean, listen, I'm going to say this. If you think they're cheating, they probably are. Yeah. That is true. Female intuition, it's not, it makes, female intuition

sounds like it's some woo-woo wacky thing, like we're just like reading auras. It's not. You know, you can sense it. We're reading people. It's an emotional intelligence. Now saying that, I've been cheated on and I didn't have auras. It's not. You know, you can sense it. We're reading people. It's an emotional intelligence. Now, saying that, I've been cheated on and I didn't have a clue.

That's the same. I say... Yeah, but do you know what? That's fine. So what I'm saying is when you think they are cheating on you, they definitely are.

Joanne, why are people cheating on us? Anyway. I know. I was like, I've been rinsed. Me too. I've been completely humiliated. Made an absolute show of by lads.

Like a show. I actually don't find it embarrassing when I think back on it. Because I'm like, you know, I'm embarrassed for you for being such an arsehole. I know. I wish I felt like that. But I still do feel embarrassed by some of it. Really? I just don't think that you should.

I just think it's actually them that should feel embarrassed because like they just did such a shitty little thing. And I'm embarrassed for myself. Have you ever done a bit of cheating yourself? I'm embarrassed for myself that I stayed

and I'm embarrassed for myself that I didn't like stand up for myself more. I do. I have a lot of shame around it all to be honest. I think that you've turned a corner though. I've turned a corner.

You're not so shameful. Have you ever done any cheating yourself? No. Like not in a serious way cheating yeah no no not really no like barely not like hardly just the tip kidding um oh yeah so this woman anyway she think she thought her husband was cheating on her and she had kids married with kids married with kids so anyway and I actually can relate to this so she's

the reason I was suspicious this is her we'll call her let's call her Charlie the reason I was suspicious was because I was I followed his ex-girlfriend on Instagram

let's call her Julie and she posted a story of her TV saying boyfriend don't work kids in bed TV to myself and I instantly jumped to the conclusion that she was signalling

to my husband of seven years that she was available to talk. Now, that to some people could sound deranged, but I can completely relate to that. I remember having a, I was in a situation with a man, as in a relationship with a man,

and he was being, behaving very strangely, flirtatiously with this young one who worked in a shop. And I was trying to see what was going on. Oh, yes. I told you this, didn't I?

And they were doing the same thing. They were mimicking each other on their Insta stories and I knew, I was like, they're communicating with each other. But you know what's really bad

about that? Like that is actually doing something so horrible to somebody else but making a game of it. It's so horrible. It was so embarrassing. It was horrible.

And plus, you can't pinpoint it. So you think you're like, am I... You think you're mental. You think you're mental you think you're mental yeah a few weeks later

he took our kids to soft play and called me saying oh that was so awkward guess who was there and I said it wasn't Julie by any chance was it

lo and behold it was he said that all the kids were playing together so we had to sit with her a few weeks later again I was on a night out with friends I had a few wines in me

saw someone who worked on my husband introduced introduced myself as his missus. The young lad replied, oh, you're Julie. I just laughed at him, said no, headed back to the dance floor. My husband didn't think anything of it when I told him. He just straight his face and said nothing. But I knew. That's the other thing. People are really good liars. Really good liars. Liars. Really good liars. I had a guy, again, I don't want to get into specifics,

who literally looked at me like, the earnestness in his face, because I said, I think there's something going on. And he was like, I can't believe you'd think that of me. Yeah, but that's gaslighting. That's what they do. But if you want to cheat on me, why do you want to... Anyway. I can't believe you'd think...

It was like, how can we be together if you think that of me? Yeah. He turned to cheat on me, why do you want to... Anyway. I can't believe you think... Where are... It was like, how can we be together if you think that of me? Yeah. Turned it back on me. I was crying. My instincts were on fire. I knew. But he basically just talked me

into this shame hell that I was this paranoid, jealous weirdo. Ugh. I remember I said it and I was going to say something too far. I said it

and they were like, we weren't even together at the time. It's like, yes, we were. Oh, I've had that done as well. Actually. Yeah, if you do the math. Yeah, of course we bloody were. Oh, you scored her when we broke up for that afternoon.

Yeah, yeah. We were broken up for three hours. Anyway. Then one day he went to work and left his Apple Watch at home. I had to look. Yeah, you did have to look and I don't recommend

going through people's bits and bobs but sometimes you just need to know she had to with all that stuff going on so she looked into the Apple Watch

went onto messages and saw a number not saved and the message said speak Monday I was too scared to open the messages but I put the number

into my phone saved it as a question mark and went onto WhatsApp to see that picture oh it was June terrible my friend came to look through the messages Oh. It was Julie. Terrible. Oh. I couldn't believe the cheek. So I decided I wouldn't give her the pleasure of knowing that it annoyed me. I left my husband

in the calmest manner I could and got on with my life. They got together, broke up twice and are no longer together. Very hard to keep a relationship, I think, that's built out of deceit.

I think. I mean, I don't know. I mean, there's probably loads of people who are completely happy together. I, on the other hand, am absolutely thriving in capital letters. I had the best couple of single years

tindering and reliving my 20s and I've now settled down again. My new boyfriend is an absolute ride. Highly recommend divorce, 10 out of 10. I would highly recommend divorce. I would.

When are you going to do it again? Your time is coming. I know, I know. I'm due another wedding. Like Joe mentioning his wedding, I'm like, oh, when's my turn? I haven't had one in years.

Yeah, I know. I know. I think it's my turn next I'd love to go to your wedding I genuinely you could have your wedding in our house in Jersey I genuinely would like

to have a couple of marriages so I really need to get my skates on I know I don't really want any more I'm too busy to be dealing with all that stuff to be honest

seven marriages is enough for anyone yeah exactly enough I'm glad it worked out yeah that's actually nice I love hearing a nice ending to a story

and plus it's been two years so like we know that like she won and I think people getting off on the thrill of cheating I understand people cheating they get together

and whatever life is long and complicated and all that shit but I think people who get off on the thrill of cheating that's pretty gross so you wouldn't be like

imagine your face if we got together laughing emojis that's pretty bad speaking of divorces why don't we report julia fox right oh stop firstly okay obviously we're talking about her because she was shopping in her knickers in her knickers like in her knickers brown knickers the whole denim aesthetic that she's

going for now the do you see her her handbag the denim Jo have you seen this denim handbag

where the legs are the where the legs are the handles and the ass is like where you put the bag it's like

it's like someone who's come out it's like someone who's had a breakdown there you go look at her handbag though that's like firstly how can come out, it's like someone who's had a breakdown. There you go. Look at her handbag though. That's like, firstly,

how can anyone make, Where is she going like that though? She can make an entire outfit out of a pair of jeans. She's basically if MacGyver had had a breakdown and it's come out now and it's trying to sell.

You know what I mean? You're like, oh your aunt, she's going through a hard time. She's moved into arts and crafts and she's putting on a sale in the house and it's like that denim, the denim handbag.

It reminds you of that Sex and the City episode where your woman's going through a divorce and so she went into making her own handbags. Do you remember? And they were absolutely gross

and everyone just bought them out of pity. A pity bag. It's like her outfit, it's MacGyver vibes. I don't know how anyone makes that many bits and bobs out of one pair of jeans.

She just, though, I hate what she wears and I'm all for people going out and being MacGyver vibes I don't know how anyone makes that many bits and bobs out of one pair of jeans she just though I hate what she wears and I'm all for people going out and being body confident and stuff like that but come on don't go shopping

in your knickers do you know what this new trend is that I saw today I saw something from the Cannes Film Festival I actually couldn't even open it to look who it was

because I'm just like just no this whole thing right when you're pregnant and only wearing belly tops and stuff. Well, this woman had a dress on, a full black dress with just a hole cut for her pregnant stomach.

It's like, no. I think that's kind of weird, though, that you don't want to see pregnant bellies. Yeah, but what, you're cutting just a hole just so your pregnant belly can hang out. And I guess they're kind of making a thing of it. I don't know. I just, it's not for me, to be honest.

It's not for me. Yeah, it doesn't bother me. Imagine I went to an event and I just cut I just, it's not for me, to be honest. It's not for me. Yeah, it doesn't bother me. Imagine I went to an event and I just cut a hole in my top for my pregnant belly to hang out. It's, but... Because I'm pregnant again. But I would,

it genuinely, those things don't even... I told you, Vogue. I told you. Come June, I'm taking you in to get your tubes tied like a balloon poodle.

It's too late. I've done it. It's happened. He can try his best getting his semen in elsewhere, but it won't be through the traditional channels. So unless you're going to get

your fallopian tube rewired into your eyes. Ew, a fallopian. That's a horrible word. But Julia Fox, that's why I was thinking when it connected with divorce. It's like,

firstly, she's trolling us. Okay. She knows what she's doing. She's trolling us. She's getting the publicity she wants. And like, because she doesn't have Kanye anymore now, she has to do weird stuff like that.

I know. She's got to Whole Foods in her knickers. Have you been to Whole Foods? That is like a nice establishment. I know. Well's got to hold foods in her knickers. Have you been to Whole Foods? That is like a nice establishment. I know. Well, she did. Now, in fairness to her, she did have a floor-length

denim cape jacket on, which, you know, so she wasn't completely in her bra knickers. I've had this discussion before. It's that thing of like, how come on a beach, it has to be waterproof.

You didn't go with the rules, Julia. Because she's talking about, well, why is it okay on a beach? We've discussed this in the pod. Yeah she's talking about why is it okay on a beach we've discussed this in the pod it's only acceptable if it's waterproof it's tog material

if you had worn your togs yeah then it would be fine but you didn't wear your tog but like think of questionable

shit that we used to wear I used to wear a bandana as a top and one on my head that's in now that's totally in now it's back in

yeah it's back in 90s yeah when I used to go and see I went to see Puff Daddy in concert

late 90s Julia Fox is just very much you know when you're like if you were throwing a couch out they'd be like don't throw it out

it's a waste and then she'd have a whole outfit made like they'd be on traps in the curtains I wouldn't like to know what that outfit cost her

don't throw it out it's a waste it's a waste it's still done now I'll turn it into a goona dress you'll be great go into your dabs dressed as a curtain I'll turn it into a tragoona dress you'll be great go into your

Jeb's dress as a curtain I'll look after that did you ever did you ever wear those fluffy leg warmers that you'd make yourself out of

that rotten like fluffy wall material and you used to go to those things like winter party do you not remember those things in the point

I think I went to one of them but no not really like in the O2 like the O2 they used to have these things for like teenagers

and they'd be called winter party and stuff and you'd be called Winter Party and stuff and you'd wear these fluffy leg warmers. You'd get absolutely deranged before you went in because I don't know if there was any booze with them

and then you'd score as many people as you could. Classic. Do you remember? Classic 90s. You'd be lucky if you went home without a cold sore. That's what Julia Fox looks like.

Her outfit looks like a home ec junior search project. Genuinely, that's what it looks like. Poor Julia. And she got a C- first. Like, I remember in Home Ec, I made my aunt a pillow. And God love her. Like, obviously, because she's my godmother, my aunt,

she had to have it out. So I'd say it was down the back of the shed, and then when I was coming over, she took it out and put it right in the place. It's the absolute worst when people get you stuff and you're like, please don't make me have that in my house. It's the worst.

I know. Theodore's always bringing shite home from nursery. I'm like, get that out of here. That's crap. Yeah, I know. I can't pretend to be invested in your potato art. Get an actual talent, please. Oh, poor T.

We love his art. Really, we do. Do you know who Julia Fox she's starting to remind me of? She's got Heidi Montag vibes. Yes. She's got Heidi with the full length. The denim ass bag is very reminiscent of Heidi Montag

eating a bull's heart out of a sandwich bag in town. I feel like, I feel like, and I feel mean saying this because she's kind of getting a bit desperate. It's getting a bit desperate. It's getting a bit desperate. It's getting a bit desperate.

Sorry, Julia. However, or she's an absolute genius because she's given us some amazing sound clips. Oh, yes. Now that you're on TikTok, I guarantee

you're going to be doing some thank you, I do it myself. Joanne, oh, I will do things I thought. Yeah, the lip syncing thing. Things that I find funny now that I'm a comedian

I am going to have the best TikTok ever who ruined your life I think I have a TikTok I just haven't used it yet I don't know how to use it I'm going to learn this weekend

that's my job this weekend to learn TikTok I sound like my mum when she's like how do I do this I'm like oh no I feel like Julia Fox is going to start making felt hats soon I think that's I feel like that's her next step oh god sorry I'm like oh no I feel like Julia Fox is going to start

making felt hats soon I feel like that's her next step oh god sorry I'm actually going on to TikTok is this mine

that's it from us thank you for listening to the bonus ep do we ask them to subscribe Joanne wanted us to cut all that stuff out now she's sneaking it all back in go and ask them to subscribe? Joanne wanted us to cut all that stuff out and now she's sneaking it all back in.

Go on, ask them to subscribe. How do I ask them? Nicely. Look at her face. Please leave us five stars. Don't ask them to leave five stars. Listen, you're about to beg for a subscribe. What's your level of begging?

I'll do the begging here. You know I've no problem with it. Thanks so much for listening to the bonus episode. There's your level of begging? I'll do the begging here. You know I have no problem with it. Thanks so much for listening to the bonus episode. There's no pressure to subscribe or leave reviews. But we'd like if you did. Oh yeah, please

keep sending your emails into hello at mtgmpod.com. Oh, and if you'd like a ticket to one of my UK tour dates, please, they're all on my website. If you'd like a ticket, if you'd like to come to one of my UK tour dates,

they're all on my website. I'm going everywhere. My autumn tour dates on my website. I'm going everywhere. My autumn tour dates are on sale. I'm going to Swindon and Bristol and Norwich and Perth and Guilford and Glasgow and Coventry, Birmingham, like all over the place. Cardiff, Nottingham, Ipswich.

Cardiff, Nottingham, Ipswich. Say bye now. Bye now.