My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Gillian, what the f*** are you talking about?"

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

There are some amazing stories from times spent at The Gaeltacht on this week's EXTRA. For anyone who knows the experience, it'll be a hilarious trip down memory lane and for anyone who'd no idea what The Gaeltacht was until the last episode, it's an EDUCATION!! If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Caravans Goes With Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. Now, I don't want to get political here, right? But do you know when you get burned so badly and it's just humiliating? Like if you're walking down the street and you see somebody that you think you know and you wave like wildly at them and then you're like, oh God, I don't know you. Yeah. I was watching a Sky News yesterday and Rishi Sunak, the new Prime Minister of the UK,

was going and shaking everyone's hands. And he literally, so they were like in a row. Did you see that show? And he literally walked by Matt Hancock and Matt Hancock had his hand there and he just annoyed him stop it no I hate when stuff

like that happens honestly it makes me it makes me feel so embarrassed for them as well but like then I'm embarrassed for myself because I've seen it happen

I'm like oh god it's so embarrassing do you know when you when you go out to greet someone and they go in for a kiss and you go in for a handshake and they go in for a hug

and you go in for the double kiss and you're just locked in this incredibly awkward social quagmire and it makes you want to boil your skin off. Oh, I hate that. I actually met two people yesterday and I was like, hi, lovely to meet you. And they're like, yeah, we did. Remember we did that TV show together.

I'm like, oh, crap. And, you know, you've lost them from there. It's like, OK, well, that's over now. That's over. They hate my guts. They despise me. I usually lead with the, have we met before?

Have we met before? We've met before kind of vibe. I do that a lot where I'm like, I know your face. And they're like, no, you don't. I'm like, I do know your, oh, okay, I don't. Yeah.

Because you do, you meet a lot of people and I'm not great with faces. There's some, there's actually a word, there's a word for that my mom told me the other day she was like I never remember anyone's name I think that like

sometimes I feel like I'm losing my short term memory I was like mom that's everyone there is a there is a name of a Brad Pitt has it there's something where

you can actually you just can't tell different faces apart it's like a facial dyslexia you told me that though you teach us the weirdest things so you told us

that Brad Pitt has a there's a disease that he has that he can't remember faces at all really?

you definitely told us that she doesn't even remember some of the crap she comes out with no not at all very interesting should I finish it?

so throwback to when we kind of started talking about irish colleges we thought we'd do a little shout out for now explaining an irish college to people who weren't irish basically our native language irish is where we go it's like a camp that they go and kind of brainwashes into speaking Irish but it's not that it's basically a fertility ritual masquerading as education is ultimately what it is it's where you go you know

your parents send you to learn Irish but you actually just get fingered in a field that's kind of the vibe I didn't get fingered at Irish college thank you very much oh god loser I will tell you something Irish college I'll tell you what it actually is you go on a two week

it's a two week camp three weeks sometimes three weeks three weeks do you know it's a skill I know but you go

and you do like loads of fun water sports and stuff like that but you also go and you have to speak Irish the whole time and you do Irish lessons and stuff like that so you're meant to get better

at Irish and you do like excursions do you know how much it is a week 800 quid imagine you're paying you're meant to get better at Irish and you do like excursions. Do you know how much it is a week? 800 quid. You're paying 800 quid a week to have your child get fingered in a field. And like, I didn't come home

with the word of Irish. I came home with glandular fever. Oh my God. Genuinely, I got glandular fever and my mother bullied me into admitting

that it was from scoring. It was the beat the slapper game that everyone plays in Irish college. And it's not where you physically beat up a slapper joe it's where you try and score as many people as you possibly can yeah yeah beat the slapper in the traditional sense yeah it's a classic i was good at that game it was a highly sexed camp it was a great one for teenagers but there was always somebody that got sent home early so that they were they were always made an example of so if you spoke English it was

like it would send shockwaves through the camp for the whole summer that like this person got sent home for speaking English and actually it was just he was just doing it to try and like make everyone just speak Irish It would depend as well different Irish colleges had different levels

Which one did you go to? Strictness. I can't remember. But ours wasn't as strict. But there is always that. There was Ring is the most strict one. And there was the rumor going around that someone caught their finger in a door and went, ow, and then was sent home.

Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what ow is, I'll squelch it. But they basically, and they're like, everyone's like, oh! Oh, wig. And their finger, yeah, their finger fell off. And they're like, oh no, my finger. And they're they're like home I miss the days of Irish college though and I was actually thinking I know my kids are like the poshest English accents in the world but like I'd love like they're gonna

be doing their holidays over in Ireland for like the rest of their lives I'd love to just kick them down the road to Irish college they'd know they'd know as much of Irish as everyone else in there they'd be grand they wouldn't be behind on anything and I think they'd love it Theodore speaking Irish would be

quite something that would be so cute I did a little shout out for Irish college memories oh here's one Fog related to you I was in Irish college in Akka with Fog

and we swapped boyfriends she took earlingas off my hands and I got this guy with gorgeous highlights from her who's earlingas I'm pretty sure we probably didn't swap

boyfriends if that's the boy that dumped me in the disco hall. I remember his face. He actually looked a bit like Splinter from Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. So hopefully he didn't grow into his face and he's a manky bastard dumping me after three days. Dick. This story's from Gillian I wrote back to this woman I was like what what she goes Irish college for boy girl night I came prepared

and brought down a fake willy with hair to wear I wore fat man pants from pennies and cut a big hole so it would hang out everyone was running over pulling it and giving it hand jobs I was sent to the office and shouted at it in Irish still didn't know what they were saying. But I was given a card, a blue-yellow card and was trying to ring my mother who never answered.

I had to take the big penis off and was made to continue to participate in the Kayleigh dancing with a hole in my crotch. I was like, Gillian, what the fuck are you talking about? For boy-girl night? Like, is that a... that's not like a standard night in Irish college

what's boy girl night oh my god do you remember the Kayleys though of course like a disco you'd go look at Joe's face when we're talking about this stuff

he's like what the hell do you not have anything like that in the UK that you go off and like I don't know learn more English a lot of people had their first a lot of people had their first

kind of sexy encounter in Irish college because basically a lot of the time like so I came from an all-girls school and was like

suddenly I was in school with boys for three weeks Jesus Christ Joanne went down to Irish college she's all the everyone's hands

were down her pants she filled your boots. Here's another one. I had my first kiss in Irish College. In the Irish College I went to, there was a group called Group of Pogue. Pogue is kiss, Jo. You know that yourself.

Essentially, the guy had to ask the principal permission to bring a girl to Group of Pogue to kiss her and it would happen every day after the Caley. Two teachers would stay behind and watch 12, 13 or 14 girls kiss. What kiss what that's just there was a lot of that like i remember ruana when i was in summer camp but we didn't stay i was too young to stay over but it was a day camp for irish and we'd list it on grow love list and people would chant your names and you go up and then kiss them and get your name put on the list on grow i mean you wouldn't get away with it now

basically it was kind of like a tiny trafficking system in Ireland you had to have your first kiss my first what was my first kiss he was forced upon me by by my sister Amber and then her and her friend Lynn locked me in a bathroom with Lynn's brother who wouldn't let me come out until we kissed each other yeah I mean that's again coercive control. Here's another one. Hi, Joanne. I went to... This is so funny. This is classic Irish college. I went to... I won't enter the... I won't say it

because I went to Closet. Beep. Let's say it was more of a recruitment drive for a certain organisation. Each morning, 6am, up and out to stand in front of the Irish flag

in full military stance. It was completely military. They were investigated a couple of years later what this one's so funny oh it's so cute when i was younger i was 5 11 overweight 14 to 15 year old my biggest dream was to go to guel talk to me boys but i was never allowed because i was dyslexic and from the north i'd beg my teachers to please recommend to my parents to send me they're like no you're not going anyway because I'm a lesbian

it would have been a waste of money absolutely but you know what it is 800 euro a week I know that you say it's lots but like having my own children

getting rid of them for 800 euro for a whole week is like I'd rather not go on holidays myself and just send them off and just sit at home totally

100% I just love the kind of the culture of the irish college it was there was really no no law it was like a lawless it was a here's my friend was scoring a guy in college who had a condition where he couldn't sweat i thought andrew made that up literally could not sweat he struggled with the k-leads and had to stand inside the door for most of it otherwise his body would overheat

he would have passed out stop also we were there for the eclipse oh my god I was there for the eclipse were you there for it yeah

I don't remember oh my god that brings back memories they locked us into the hall and blacked out all the windows so we couldn't be blinded by looking straight at it.

Missed the eclipse and sat in a large hall with black bags over the windows. They were practically on the roof. They would have to have sourced a double ladder to salitate them up there. I think everyone just played Beat the Slapper. Of course, it was Irish College. That's what we played, Beat the Slapper.

That was hilarious. Come here to me. I've just looked up an Irish College, right? Joe, this will be, it'll be interesting for people that have never been. So there's a timetable, right? Brickfasta, breakfast, 8.30. Skull, activities, 10 o'clock.

Loan, which is lunch. Skull is, sorry, sorry. Skull is school. Skull is school, Jo. Did you get that? Got it. Loan is lunch, 1 o'clock. Skull, activities.

And then they have dinner at 5. Social activities at 7. And what's supper at ten what the hell are you eating at ten o'clock at night social

activities is beat the slapper joke just yeah social yeah that's the social activity and then you

come home and eat half a slice pan and go to bed we were in the guel talked in 1989 hot

of summer no water the banan tea filled the bath was water we all had to wash for

a week out of the same bath oh hi hottest summer, no water. The banan tea filled the bath as worried we all had to wash for a week out of the same bath. Oh. Hiya. My brother and I always went to the Gaeltocht and his last year there, one of his friends was throwing stones at an old house. A van pulled up

and a man grabbed him and put him into the back of the van and he was dropped back again an hour later. Lol. To this day no one knows exactly what happened. Only in the Geltox what? like he was abducted I I don't know Joe

you can make a call on that one fucking hell Jesus Christ oh well it's the Gueltox can I tell you something they're making a lot of money

I'm looking up courses here right and they're all full there's like one there's space for boys another one there's only space for 60 years and they're all full there's like one is there's there's space for boys another one there's only space for six years and they're 1250 euro oh i can see her brain ticking over here it's gonna be close to new yoke open soon close to vote come on down close to new yoke i'll bring

back the good stuff beat the slapper on the way back 1999 i just finished a very lonely year in first year i I'd made no new friends on account of looking about eight years old. I was tiny, wore braces, was very quiet and adorable. I finally made a friend at the end of the year. My parents said I had to go to the Gael talk so I should ask her to go too. Thing is, back then I had to

wear a head brace for 14 hours a day. Oh. I was very obedient and in spite of being away from home every day I wore my head brace at the house with all the girls from around the country I looked like Robocop to make matters worse the boys called me flat chest

frigid finnegan flat chest frigid finnegan because no one wanted to kiss me and my chesticles hadn't arrived now I did write back to her and she's fine my chesticles didn't arrive until I was like back to her and she's fine so you know my chesticles didn't arrive till I was like 16

everyone used to go around like patting their chest saying crumbs to me so don't worry about it they still they still they still haven't arrived as well

I'm still waiting just to say we should also we should be we're have a tour starting next year and again just a reminder

that Ticketmaster have run out of tickets but if you check the venue that the show is in there should be tickets at the venue except for

London and Glasgow and we'll be adding more of them yeah okay here's a little email dear Joanne and folks such a big fan of your podcast think it's funny time I shared that happened to me years ago long story short my friend managed to get 130 pound vibrator free after complaining about her old one I decided to do the same and bag myself a new expensive vibrator as I just ordered one from the same company. The company was called Smile Makers. I emailed them going into quite a bit of death about my lack of satisfaction with their product.

When I received the reply, it was not what I was expecting. Turns out I'd emailed a children's charity based in Canada who provide healthcare related to gifts to children in hospital. I was mortified and have not been able to live this story down. Here's screen grabs of what happened.

Oh my God. The email is titled unsatisfied with my vibrator. Dear smile, dear smile makers team. I have ordered several vibrators for me to include the surfer and more recently the tennis pro. I'm very disappointed and not satisfied with the tennis pro. As I've already opened it, I am not able to return it,

but was wondering if I could have a refund or swap it for another product. I ordered it from Look Fantastic in November. My order number is blah, blah, blah. The email returned. Hi, it seems you have reached out to the wrong company regarding your order. This is Smile Makers, where we provide healthcare-related giveaways for children. That's so amazing amazing that's really funny brilliant

oh no here's a quick one quick one dear Vogue and Joanna I need your help my ex-husband left me three years ago for a girl

ten years younger they've since had a baby and they're getting married we still talk from time to time but we're obviously not close despite that he's invited me to the wedding

what do I do oh god miss it and look or turn up and look jealous help don't go i'm sorry go i know he's trying to be nice but get lost he left you for another woman he's a wanker hold on to that grudge clutch it tight with both hands and tell him to go fuck himself she's probably with someone else if you're not's got one of those 130 pound vibrators. Jesus. What does it do for 100? It'd want to spoon you as well. 130 quid. It'd want to pour drinks. I'm like that

vibrator better pour drinks and light cigs. Light post-coital fags as well. 130 quid. Don't go to your ex-husband's wedding. It's not petty. You're not, I'm not petty. That's just going. I'm healed. I're not, I'm not, that's not petty. I'm healed. I'm healing.

I'm not involved in that part of your life. I just feel that like, I just feel like you have to just like look after yourself sometimes and your own mental health and don't be worried about making other people happy.

Make yourself happy first. Slán ag bhaile. Oh God. Excuse me, I didn't learn absolutely nothing in Irish college like you you dirty little hoe bag

Míl Sian that's what I learnt Míl Sian Míl Sian Míl Sian guys that's all I know thanks for listening Míl Sian

till next week Cúibh maith ag tóth Cúibh maith ag tóth Cúibh maith ag tóth week God it's hard being a polymath isn't it it's hard being it's hard having

multiple languages God sometimes I just think an hour she just said it's hard being a Colleen Maw a good girl a polymath

oh I thought you said a Colleen Maw Colleen Maw a parley mouth oh i thought you said a carlene ma carlene ma