My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "He always wants it in the shower."

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

The MTGM UK tour is complete for now, so obviously Vogue has immediately had to find some more work... Time for the Spencer & Vogue Tour! Plus, the obligatory emails about cheating and sexual preferences... Obvs. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Do you know that Spenny So Una our director Came up the other day for Spenny and my show And like The way he chews food I've never heard anything like it It's like he's just like snapping away And it's literally I never knew how much I hated it Until I just hear him doing it

All the time They do say it's a sign of love When you can't bear the sound of your partner eating They do say it's a good sign it's a sign of love when you can't bear the sound of your partner eating they do say no no it's a really bad sign what about when you can't

stand the sound of them breathing I would try holding his nose or maybe something something practical and covering his mouth at the same time

okay there is I remember one of the, I'm all, cause I, I'm embarrassed to admit, like I'll lick a knife. Oh,

on my, in your own home. You're allowed. I'll lick a knife. I'll lick a knife. And I'll, and I'll also, if it's a saucy,

saucy meal, cause I love a sauce. I'll lick the sauce and put it on my finger. And I know it's just, it's a saucy saucy meal because I love a sauce I'll lick the sauce and put it on my finger and I know it's deemed disgusting but in some cultures

it's deemed very respectful well classify restaurant an establishment where you're going to purchase food where somebody is oh no she does do it there

do you know it yeah do it there yeah I would do it but I would do it on the sly I would like lick my finger on the sly but I remember like lick my finger on the sly. But I remember a friend of a woman, we won't know,

we won't name because we're not, we're told to stop rotting people out in the podcast. She said one of her biggest, one of her biggest pet peeves, poor Amber, she gets thrown under the bus for absolutely everything. I know. It wasn't Amber, by the way.

It wasn't Amber. One of her biggest pet peeves is people licking their the knife in the finger and she's like if you want more just like order more or whatever. So I know it's bad

but hey if it's wrong I don't want to be right because if there's extra sauce in that bowl I want it in my mouth. Well you're not wasteful. How do you get it there?

Yeah I could be I'm not it's not like I'm picking up the plate and licking it although I will say I'll pick up a bowl of ramen and drink it. Well I think that's I'll pick up a bowl of ramen and drink it. Well, I think that's, I think that you're allowed to do that.

I think you are. I remember once I was in Spenny's parents' house and it's just because I would do something like this at home. And I started drinking milk out of the carton, but there was only a little bit of milk left. So I'd taken the carton to the table. You animal. And I started drinking. And Spenny's mom was like like because she's really posh and polite she was like

it was like I had like thrown acid all over her her living room I was just like I'm really sorry I'm going to live with you then it was like

it was like you'd walked a cow into the dining room and just sucked directly from its teeth yeah I know so I never did that again I had to dirty glasses all the time

lay down like one of those wheelie things that the mechanics lie on to go under the cars. And just wield yourself under the body of the cow and just latch it onto its breast. That's what I do on Saturdays at the weekend for extra nourishment. I'm from house. This is what we do here, okay?

This is what we do in house. Come here to me. Do you know the way, speaking of red flags and men chewing so much in our ears existing yes yeah just like men in general

do you know that the because we were talking about the Barbie movie that we absolutely loved yes do you know that yeah loved it

do you know that apparently if a man hasn't watched or didn't enjoy the Barbie movie it's the number one red flag of 2023. You know that?

Really? Joe, what did you think of it? Card's on the table. I haven't seen it, but that's not our choice. I do want to see it. Sexist! Sexist, misogynistic, racist.

Woman hater. Fascist. Homophobic. Homophobic. No, I will, I will watch it Woman hater, fascist. Homophobic. Homophobic. No, I will, I will watch it. I will, I will. And I bet I'll love it. Sure.

Joe, you need to redeem yourself, buddy. I will. You need to fucking watch Barbie while burning your own bra. If you want to get back on this podcast, you need to make some real feminist efforts. I've got a week off next week. I'll watch it.

It's my homework. Educate yourself. Do the work, my homework educate yourself do the work Jo okay do the do the fucking work sorry Vogue carry on I did my first live show with Spenna last night

oh my god yes I know let it go it was actually a lot do you know what I have to say

the Olympia was a really lovely venue because it feels like it feels like we're all kind of hugging each other in a way. The way the stage is set up and you're super close to everyone. And like, it didn't feel like a Wednesday night crowd. It was just like, everyone was just up for a laugh and having fun.

And it felt like, it felt like a great Saturday crowd, I have to say. Wow. God, you got really lucky. Wednesdays are usually A bit A bit Chill Tougher Than the weekend Yeah So I do stand up in it

So Joanne's gonna see My first stand up Her first bit of stand up Yeah Boo I won't Boo You're shit

Get off the stage I've heard that one before I read that online Saw that on Buzzfeed They're the great hackles that people do stop do you actually get

hackles like that one guy he didn't hackle me directly hold on how did the stand up go firstly well I would like to say by the way

although you did not help me with my jokes or anything like that I feel because I've seen your show excuse me now

I cut that one out I'm sorry I cut that one out what one the one about the car exhaust don't you fucking out. I'm sorry. I cut that one out. What one? The one about the car exhaust. Don't you fucking dare say I didn't help you with that shit. Yes, I did.

Anyway, as I was saying, I learned from you that it's not like, it's not like gag, gag, gag, gag, gag. It's like you can tell a little story leading up to a gag. And I'd say Spenny's,

like I'm really, like I really want a good critique off you tonight because you're my comedy queen. And I'd say Spenny's, like, I'm really, like, I really want a good critique off you tonight because you're my comedy queen. And I basically, like, would take on, and I would like you to heavily heckle Spencer as well. And I think that that's fair. How did he get on? He got on really well, but his jokes are different to mine.

Okay. Like, he's more of a, like, I don't know, jester. Gotcha. Yeah. But I had one guy he was at a show and he was a friend of a friend

so he ended up coming backstage after and he made some comment to me like he was one of those he's one of those dicks

who just comes backstage thinks he knows everything about comedy but has never stood on a stage he's just a fucking one of these absolute

ugh can't stand them. Anyway. And you don't really want someone's opinion straight away. And they're throwing thinks he knows everything about comedy, but has never stood on a stage. He's just a fucking, one of these absolute, ugh, can't stand them. Anyway. And you don't really want someone's opinion straight away. And they're throwing their way, they won't say anything. Like, it's, I would put it down to

pure, unadulterated, raw sexism is what I would put it down to. Okay. They've just seen him perform for an hour. It was one of the Vicar Street shows and they're backstage saying nothing. Saying nothing to you. Not saying, like, fair play, enjoyed it, nothing. Saying nothing to you. Not saying like fair play,

enjoyed it, nothing. Which I think is just rude really to be honest. He made this comment to me like something like oh well I read whatever something I'd said in the show

he's like well I actually I'd read that on I read that on the internet already. You must have taken him down. And I said I said go on

find it there for me And he couldn't So I was like you're funny Now maybe he had heard Something similar Don't get me wrong I'm not reinventing the wheel here It's about female dating and all

But I was like You're a prick To come backstage You're a fucking prick Who did that Who was it I don't know I couldn't even tell you his name

To be honest He was just a friend Oh my god Yeah You just can't do that And then I got really paranoid and I spent like an hour Googling it to see

could I find it anywhere on the internet and I couldn't. So I was like, either he's full of shit or it's just parallel thinking and it's not, it's not like some viral thing

that, do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. Hey, Joanne and Vogue and of course joe never thought i'd be one of those stories you read out as an i'm an avid listener here but here goes i'm in a deep shit situation and i really don't know what to do i'm a gay guy in university I've had a boyfriend for the past few months, but I've cheated on him on a couple of occasions. Please save the harsh opinions of me.

I know cheating on anyone is shit, but I guess I'm young, dumb and stupid. But my boyfriend is quite a bit older. It does happen. My boyfriend is quite a bit older than me. So our relationship is like his forever one. But sometimes I do not feel the same. And after cheating on him, I'm left thinking left thinking oh do I just end it yeah uh however he struggled mentally with a lot of stuff

so I guess the only reason I hold back is because I don't want to send him back 10 steps and it had taken us two years for him to open up oh I mean what age is this kid I don't know but he does sound like a 90 year old man what age is this man he does sound young but what I'm gonna say is I think that when you start cheating on somebody if you're doing it a couple of times you know it's not the right thing and you have to like set him free like I got cheated on like at the very start of a relationship that went on

for a very long time and it's like why did you bother so I think it's much nicer to cut loose and also the

like we don't judge well we do but only when it suits us and then sometimes we don't judge it all some people we judge heavily others we don't judge at all there's no system to it

it's not science but we don't judge this man for Some people we judge heavily, others we don't judge at all. There's no system to it. It's not science. But we don't judge this man for cheating because he sounds like a really good guy. He's just fucked up a couple of times. He's probably not that happy in the relationship he's in. He knows it's not the forever one for him. What I would say is,

this is what it is. I love you, but I love me more. So you can't stay just because someone's going to get really depressed if you leave. You can be kind about it and do it as kindly as you can, but I love me more. So you can't stay just because someone's going to get really depressed if you leave. You can be kind about it and do it as kindly as you can, but you can't stay. It's your life.

You have to live it. You have to be happy. I know, but yeah, but I think by staying, I don't think that you're being kind. I think that you just think you're being kind, but then you're going to go out and keep doing the dirty because it's kind of like having your cake and eating it at the same time. So you've the comfort of a relationship, yes go and do what you want and if he's older and he his biological clock is ticking indeed he will not he'll only be able to have kids until he's 95 um but like give him a chance to meet somebody else if you're not really that into it that's why i think a lot of people turn their eye to cheating because they'd rather

keep the person and just let them play away from home every now and again than have them leave so some people so like if you were to say to him if you think about what he would want would he rather be with someone who's cheating on him or would he rather be set free probably set free however some people would rather be cheated on I was a bit like that right I turned him not even a blind eye I gouged my eyes out, threw them out the window. I had not a fucking eye in the house. These sockets were empty. I think that you didn't, you didn't have like solid evidence when you were together and

you were kind of choosing to believe that he wasn't cheating. kind of choosing to believe that he wasn't cheating. Well yeah I mean I didn't find a woman in the bed but I found hairs and I found a woman's razor. In your bed? Yeah yeah yeah. And then I came back from

I was away working and I came back and all my stuff was in the wardrobe. What do you mean? Basically like he'd put my stuff away so it didn't look like I was

there living there no yeah my the stuff from my side table was in the wardrobe oh god now in fairness

if memory because you can I can we all kind of fudge our memories we had broken up for like a day and then I came back down So in fairness, if memory, because we all kind of fudge our memories. We had broken up for like a day. And then I came back down, we got back together.

But you'd obviously made the most of that day. Well, listen, I have made the most of a break in between a breakup. Yeah. Not as much as I should have, because obviously I am not as slutty as I wish to be. No, but we're going to work on that. So anyway, we think that you should let him go kindly. Let him go with kindness, love and light. Let him go with love.

I'm exploring Buddhism. Let him go with love and light. Buddhism. Let him go with love. I'm exploring Buddhism. Let him go with love and light. Buddhism supposedly is like the best religion to be because Benny's obviously been very involved in religion the last while. Oh, go on. Has he kind of hit the religion button? Has he hit the ball? Yeah, I mean, he's kind of...

Has he taken the holy water? No, he's not taking the holy water. He's took the holy water out. He's not into that religion, but he says like Buddhism. And I do think Buddhism seems like a nice religion, but I'm also thinking we could do kabbalah and have that nice little red bracelet like madonna oh and you get a great body with kabbalah look at madonna okay my new fella six months official thrilled that's long as well so well done is a great ride well done again

he knows what i like and he does it well well done to him round of applause well done well done to him the only the thing is he always wants it

in the shower he's always getting in there when I'm there and getting it going it's fine and I'm not against it but when I try and initiate it in bed

or fuck in the kitchen anywhere he's not up for it so he only wants to have shower sex like a little merman I know but like

I feel like you're just like your head is crushed up against a wet wall and you're just like trying to like make yourself smaller to make space water is not the lubricant you think it is. It's not. It's not.

You think it's going to be all slip, slimy like a dolphin. It's not. It's not. It's not oil. It's water. It grips you in a way you don't want to be gripped. I get this, guys. Exactly.

It's not. It's like, oh it's like turn it down heat the water it's like I've never had a good time in there with someone else no

what I do enjoy is the is the clean up I'm happy with the clean up after it you're squishing the windows as he goes I'm thrilled

so as we're there yeah I'm doing my top off cleaning myself ready to go washing the hair bang bang bang good to go she said I just like Bang, bang, bang. Good to go. She said, I just like it slightly different and not always wet and wild.

No one always wants it wet and wild. And sometimes I want to go in the shower and have private time. It's the, oh come on. Like, so she's not like, well, you want to be laid out in the bed like a spatchcock chicken. That's what you want. Not crushed up against the wall of some shower. No, like, and I just feel like maybe he like maybe he doesn't want to dirty his sheets, which I understand

because that's the worst job of all the jobs in the house is changing your sheets. Imagine knowing your boyfriend or girlfriend was riding you in the shower because they didn't want you contaminating their sheets. That's a bit of a red flag there. I'm worried I'll get to that point because I love cleanliness so much.

I'll be like, I'm not doing it unless you put plastic down. I'm going to have plastic'll get to that point because I love cleanliness so much I'll be like I'm not doing it unless you put plastic down I'm going to have plastic on my couches and stuff soon enough that's so 80s yeah remember the good room

that no one could go into it was plastic on everything I would tell this lad there's a water shortage cop on climate change like what say you want to ride

ethically I just don't I don't think anyone has that much fun in the shower like it's fine if you're trying to be a sexy little bitch

for a minute but like if Svenny kept creeping in on my shower time I'd be like babe come on I just want to like wash my feet in peace

leave me alone like Alan be roaming around and I'm like Alan I need to wash my bits get out there's something embarrassing about somebody watching you wash your bits. Get out. There's something embarrassing about somebody watching you

wash your bits. And I don't want, don't, Svenny was on the ground the other day. He's brushing his teeth. It's like, there's only so long

I can pretend I'm just soaping my breasts. Get out of the shower. I actually have cleaning to do, please. Svenny walked in the other day and he just looked

at the shower floor and obviously I pissed. I was like stop looking you're not meant to be in here that is so funny was he aroused? no he was not aroused unusually

so why don't you start pissing in the shower or something and he won't get in that's actually a really good suggestion just say because of the hot water

and that it kind of triggers your urethra and yeah that's that's what you do and pissing in the shower

yeah that's actually genuine advice it makes sense that's actually genuine advice. It makes sense because if you flush the toilet, that wastes litres and litres of water. If you're just pissing in the shower, you're actually killing two birds with one stone. Done. Yeah, you can't spend your life riding in the shower.

You need to come up with other alternatives. You need to break them in. Maybe lay him on the bed, but say that he can put his feet in a bowl of water or something. It must be like some cleanliness thing for him. Some people are really, really strange about stuff like that.

So I actually think it's something to do with his sheets. You know what? You need to get yourself a second set of sheets and you can change them straight after. Tell him you'll help him.

Maybe it's shame. Pop a towel down. Maybe it's personal shame that he feels dirty. Like your man in Sex and the City. Do you like your man in Sex and the City do you remember your man in Sex and the City every time he rode Miranda

he went in and showered straight away maybe he's got maybe he has a smelly dick and you don't know about it yet because it's always

in the shower when you meet the dick I'm sorry but that's a thing boys have that that's so lazy he's like rather than just

wash it beforehand he's like I'm just going to wash it in you that is so rude rub- like rather than just wash it beforehand he's like I'm just going to wash it in you that is so rude rub-a-dub-dub I'm with that look tune in for more

doctoring next week well I guess that's it is it that sounds like it's it that's it for us that sounds like it's it. That's it for us. That sounds like it's it for us. Joe, anything to add?

No, of course not, because you never do. Meanwhile, Australia's on sale. Ghosted Australia. Canberra, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney. We're putting a third Sydney date on. Yeah. Oh, and obviously Canada. We know, we know. Edmonton Calgary Ottawa

Winnipeg it doesn't matter I'm gonna be there I'm gonna be there by the time this comes out it's too fucking late now it's too late well at least you've

tried to sell it you have done your job over and over again God knows God knows I've done my very best there you