My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "He burst into tears..."

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Just before they disappear down under, Joanne & Vogue have a look through your emails and the swear beep record is exceeded...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me, the bonus episode with me, Vogue Williams, and... I am Joanne McNally. What do people used to call you that would drive you mad? Joanna McNals. Joanna. Joanna. Anything.

C***. There's that wanker again. Oh, it's the comedian, in inverted commas. Gasp. What a terrible way to start the bonus podcast. Yeah, you see, I never say that word. I only ever spell it. But I was in, I was telling Sven this on the other pod,

but like I was doing a job and I was going into this place and there was a man pushing trolleys outside, like putting the trolleys back. And a woman was in a car and he literally, I don't know what happened, but he was raging with her because she hadn't gotten out of the way of the trolleys quick enough. And he called her a C-U-N-T. And I don't know why. What? Yeah. that's a lot now i was like what did you just say to her i was like you should be embarrassed of yourself don't speak to someone you don't know like that and then i was like i was actually worried you

shouldn't do things like that because that's when people like throw trolleys at you yeah you can't you shouldn't get involved but it is the it's the word it word it really ups the game of whatever kind of slang and match you're in it's real oh okay that's the level is it if Spenna and I

have a fight as well it's real like it's the and it shouldn't be but it is kind of when you're slagging someone off

the final frontier is to go fucking that's it then it's like whoa we've got to level 10

we're at level 10 unless it's Scottish ah yeah but that's like a term of endearment alright you wee oh my god I can't stop

saying the word it's so awful I don't beep out when I said it I'm gonna beep them all out it's the only one

we beep it'll just be like that like a ringtone the whole episode do you find though I don't beep out when I said it. I'm going to beep them all out. It's the only one we beep. It'll just be like that, like a ringtone. The whole episode. Do you find though, when you fight with Alan, like when I fight with Sven,

I would, first of all, we've never said the C-U-N-T word, but like as soon as someone goes, fuck you. And then it's like, oh, and then after the fight, it's like,

remember now, you said fuck you to me. Do you remember you said that that wasn't good I write stuff down I tell you that and firstly I would never call Alan a c***

to his face I I will exclusively only do it behind his back on whatsapp messages but I write stuff down I tell you that

like if we've had a fight but we've had a couple of drinks which makes us sound like some pissed couple but we're not like he doesn't really drink that much anymore but I'll write stuff down

and email it to myself so then the next day in bed I'll start reading it back because I'll forget in the height of it you've got to create a dossier so if and when I disappear one day

you know it's all there we'll just read her emails and then we'll know read my emails it does look like I'm abusing myself know it's all there we'll just read her emails and then we'll know read my emails it does look like I'm abusing myself because it's from

Joanne McNally to Joanne McNally and it's just like fuck yeah we don't actually fight that much we did a bit at the start

but we really don't fight that much anymore we've kind of learned how to rub along and we can de-escalate quite quickly now do you know the way I understand him more now so I kind of learned how to rub along and we can de-escalate quite quickly now. Do you know the way?

I understand him more now. So I kind of get that he's always in the wrong and I just let it go. But what I was going to say to you was back to the Scottish, Scottish, the, I was on, um, a current affairs.

Um, I was on TikTok again. And, uh, they had it's a video going around the most Scottish baby you've ever seen and it is the cutest thing

it's a little Scottish baby like she's they're gorgeous I actually don't know the gender of the child and they've got the little kind of bit they've got the little

like very kind of an old woman it's very I mean I'm going to use the term Karen haircut but I'm not you know yourself I kind of I don't really enjoy the term Karen but and it's very I mean I'm going to use the term Karen haircut but I'm not you know yourself I kind of

I don't really enjoy the term Karen but and it's red and they ask the baby anything and she just goes aye

and she's like the size of a tic tac and they keep asking her questions she goes aye it's very sweet I'll send it to you I'll send it to the group

if you get a kick out of it I want a Scottish baby my next baby will be a Scottish baby well is he not does he not have like a land up there or something? No? Yeah, no, they do.

Yeah. But they're like, come on. I mean, they're not actual. I know. No, they're not real Scottish. Thiefs. That's what they are. Let's call it what it is.

Stop it. I have to stop doing that. I was listening back to R-Pod the other day, and I'm there calling his family a bunch of nudists. Like, they're not nudists. I was just joking. What? When a joke goes too far,

and then it will end up in the paper. And like, if his family think that I'm calling them nudists, like, they're not nudists. I just made it up. We have company. Now he's interrupting you. He just interrupted me. Did he ask you, is his jacket nice?

His jacket is actually, it looks good, yeah. Yeah, is it right? Yeah, it's really cool. Have a good day. He's like, thanks. There he is. I've given it the nod. I dress him in the mornings.

I pick his outfits. She gives him a good wash and dress. Yeah, I do. I talk him and everything. I'm like, all right, Spano, come on, it's 6 a.m. Let's go let's get the day going this is what you're wearing spin around get into the baths

but it's halk on the ass i absolutely hate when he comes because he'll always ask me what to wear but like from the way he asked me i know which one he's decided on and if i don't like that one i'll still say the one that i like and then he's like no but i want this one and i'm like well why are you asking me just just pick the one you want because you then he's like no but I want this one and I'm like well why are you asking me just pick the one you want because you're not going to listen to me and then the fuck you

and then I'm in the I'm in the corner of the bedroom taking minutes from the two of them Joanne's emailing each of us our separate arguments

yeah yeah yeah do you remember when Spano's at this remember he called you a fucking at 3am do you remember I was there

I took it all down. I'm like the stenographer in the court. Gotcha, Svenno. Joanne, I can't believe I sent Joanne a message last night because I've just

realised something. We are getting on a flight that is 21 hours 45 minutes long in a row. There's no getting off the plane.

In a row? In a row. There's no breaking it up back to back hours Jo back to back Joanne I'm not joking I'm taking my resistance bands with me I'm not sitting there for 21 hours what am I going to do with myself

I've never sat in one spot for 10 hours because I will just lie there for the whole time and I'm the one with Vargas fans like I could literally die and I won't move. I don't know what to do.

I'm going to have to bring a couple of books. I think I've been so worn down from the Prosecco tour that like I didn't even bat an eyelid when I saw that. I was like, oh yeah, Grant. We're going back in time. There and back. There and back. Oh, sorry.

You know, time travel is not my oh sorry we're going you know time travel is not my strength we're going we're going forward in time it'll be great I think we're losing time though you have 21 hours back to back

with no children you can just chill relax you can nap you can doze you've got that amazing like HD eye mask thing you're gonna have a ball

all i'm saying is i have not sat still for that long in a long like ever i don't remember the last time i did it and also i was doing it i do a podcast for boots i was doing one yesterday all about oh we know yeah but I was doing one about ADHD and so many alarm bells were going off that I was like I'm actually I'm booking in for an appointment I think you should but what I will say to you is this and I I mean it's like I actually think people need to be there's a lot of it going around at the moment it's it's the new it's the new Tamagotchi really it's very very popular at the moment it's really having a moment adhd and lyme disease i hear a lot about them at the moment a lot about lyme disease as well but you know what i went i swear to god but i once

went to see my therapist because i was like i was like i need your help i can't stop i was like i just want to sometimes sit down and do nothing and i can't do it i was like so like sometimes when spenny and i are going to watch a movie i'm like i'll google the end so i don't have to have the stress of not knowing what's going to happen but then i can also get up and do what i want during the movie so i can go off and have a shower and come back and i still know what's going to happen it's like my mind never stops it's never quiet in my head it's never quiet in there but i i don't think it's i honestly don't think that that's why people do meditation to try and learn to quiet the mind like it's that's how people's minds work everyone's mind is busy I could do meditation for three minutes I would never be

able to sit down and do it I know but it you kind of it's you learn the practice of meditation you learn you to learn how to do it and it's and it's really difficult like people start and they do like three minutes and then they they build it up to five six minutes but I think it's a very common human experience I also think that because of the way we consume media now which is in these teeny tiny chunks of time these like three minute videos for like when I worked in PR and when I started we were making like 14 minute videos for brands when I left we were making three minute videos because people just won't watch them like our attention span has shrank so significantly but also I do think you have ADHD I mean there's no but even but like see when we're

talking like I'm not just talking to you I there's other stuff going on in my head that like I'm thinking about when I'm talking to you and I can can't, it won't, it won't stop. You're having thoughts. I think that's okay. If you, if you were just staring blankly back at me, I'd be, I'd be more concerned

to be honest. Hi girls. Just shout when you're sick of cheating one night stand stories and we can all stop sending them in never stop sending them in

ever Oh God no I'm 41 well versed in one night stands and last week was just another acting Sporty Isn't that our new term for it?

Sporty I like that Yeah we're sporty Sporty people Anyway Every time I hear these I'm like I really didn't I didn't do enough sport

no I didn't no well you're making it up with the polo go on yeah I'm well person

when I said last week was just another outing I also get the urge to go in search of one at about the same time every month is that just me oh

do you know why that is is it because period ovulation? Yes! You're like, you're a walking wide on basically when you're about, when you're at your

most fertile. Your hips extend and everything which is probably why your, explains your gait, Vogue. Your gait, yes.

Your fertility, your hips are constantly extended, ready to receive. And apparently like you walk with more kind of swagger and your bum wobbles more

more pizzazz it's all in the science yeah more pizzazz yes look at that you can tell when a woman

is particularly pizzazzy that she's about to bleed anyway I met this guy also in his 40s and we got chatting one two skip a few we got in a taxi

and went back to his place his place that was clearly a family home I'm talking kids toys in the living room a pram in the hall the lot

we got in and I immediately asked him what the deal was well that was the end of it oh my god he burst into tears

and started begging me not to tell his wife who was oh my god he was obviously away with the kid for the night I pointed out that I had no idea who he was to tell his wife, who was, oh my God, who was obviously away with the kid for the night. I pointed out that I had no idea who he was,

let alone his wife, and I'd have no motivation to tell her. He apologized, still crying, and walked me to the front door. I thought it might be a small courtesy to call me a taxi, but I was expecting too much. At the door, he said, sorry, we couldn't work this out,

and shut the fucking door. I couldn't work this out and shut the fucking door i couldn't work this out i'd only met him a couple of hours ago men uh i mean it would i don't understand would you not have to cut as would that man not have the common decency to hide his children's toys like no do you know what don't do it in your house. You absolute, that makes him worse. Like, it's not even the cheating so much for me. It's going back to your home

where you live with your kid. Go to a fucking travel lodge. You're lazy and you're cheap. He probably didn't think she'd mind. Like, you know,

he's like, oh, we're both in this together. She's like, no, no, no. And also, he could have lied. Come on, who is this fucking idiot? Just say it's your nephew or whatever. It was mind in my together. She's like, no, no, no. And also, he could have lied. I was like, come on, who is this fucking idiot? Just say it's your nephew or whatever.

It was mine to my nephew. Like, you know, she'll know it's a lie, but at least she's not in the position where she kind of has to pull you up in it then. I don't know. As I said,

animals with eye fans. I do think there's something really grim about bringing someone back to your family home when your wife is like out of the country for an evening. They're just rubbing their hands together as their wives drive out of the, pull out of the driveway. Really, get a hotel room for a hundred quid. Seriously, just the Travelodge Express. I'd have no motivation to tell her. I mean, it's, I can't say I would either, to be honest.

Like, why upset her? Do you know what I mean? like, why upset her? Do you know what I mean? Esther Perel, who I read a lot about cheating and the kind of, how unrealistic monogamy is in a long-term relationship, she often talks about cheating, that telling so many cheaters, like the person you tell,

it's like them taking a bullet for you because sometimes it just alleviates your guilt, but just puts all this... Yeah, it's you only doing yourself a favor. Horribleness, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what are we saying here? Just clean up after your kids?

What's our What's our message? Storage boxes? Our thing is like It's not your fault obviously but like I would just

What an absolute scummer A cheap He's a cheapo A bum skag We found another bum skag I blame the mother for not cleaning up before she went away

That's who I blame That's who I. I blame the mother for not cleaning up before she went away. That's who I blame. It's clearly the mother's problem. If she'd cleaned up, that woman would have been able to go and have a one night stand with this man and not feel guilty about it. That's the issue there.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, well I think we solved that one. Women need to clean more. That's the message there. Make a fucking effort, will you? that's the message there make a fucking effort will you hey vote Joanne and Jo

love the pod thank you I was listening to this week and when Joanne was talking about finding her airpods in a hotel it reminded me of a time when I wasn't so lucky

my mum had some surgery at the end of last year 10 hour brain surgery Jesus I'm laughing because it's like not some surgery that's pretty intense it was a total totally shy time 10 hours is a long time 10 hours is a long time with the brain is it's a delicate piece of meat did i ever tell you 10 hours it's a long time

jesus back to back 10 hours back to back what imagine that a surgeon can a 10-hour operation and Vogue's bringing her resistance bands for a 20-hour flight. Imagine the doctor just started squatting in the middle of it. I need a break, lads. I'm going for a fag.

Good luck. Anyway. It was a totally shy time for her, but thankfully she's okay now. We got her some AirPods to use while she was in hospital to watch TV, etc. and keep her busy.

Because of brain surgery, she totally lost the plot for a little while. And when I was visiting one day, I took her AirPod case off charge and realized it was empty. She was convinced someone had stolen them and started loudly pointing out which nurses she thought might have nicked them. I quietened her down, pulled up, found my iPhone and set about a search at the hospital. My heart sank when the beep started coming from a locked bin store.

Oh no. I kindly convinced, sorry, I convinced a kindly janitor to let me in. Sleep deprived and overall slightly unhinged by the stress of everything. Climbed into the huge biffa bin and started rooting through the bags until I found one of the airpods in thankfully I stopped short of tearing it open before a passing nurse explained that was a bodily waste fluid bag and that there was no way

I should be messing with it a real low point of life knee deep in human crap in a hospital hun cupboard what? what's hospital hun cupboard. What? What's a hun cupboard? Anyway, now Jan

has all her faculties back, she still blames me because apparently I binned them when tidying her bits and bobs away. Well, you're welcome, Jan. That was all in hindsight. Quite a funny classic mum response. I mean, like... Airpods are very expensive. You should have dug them out of the crap.

I'd be ripping that bag apart. 100% there is no way I would have been able to leave them. They're basically 100 quid an airpod. They're 100 quid a pod and 100 quid for the case. Yeah. You can shower for free after. Just like, yeah, just like serious.

It'd be fine. You might get a few ear infections it doesn't matter you'll have saved 300 quid save 300 quid i do it vogue would be in there if you dropped a weetabix you'd be like jesus lads 23 cents get in that wheelie bin kids come on we're off for a couple of weeks now while we go over and do a tap and takeover of Australia yeah

we're off to Australia well it's our usual pod break we take two weeks off every 12 weeks we feel like we need to tell you that because sometimes our brains stop working so we will be back in two weeks sometimes

a lot of the time we'll see you when we're back from australia look after yourselves