My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "He's off on his stag..."

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

We've all heard tales from stags and hens, but what if you're unsure about what might be about to happen when your fiance is off for the weekend?! Plus, Joanne made it to Winnipeg and Vogue is celebrating her birthday!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Joanne McNally it's because I'm looking at her I shouldn't say her because I'm looking at Joanne oh is it rude to say her maybe it's rude to say she I think it's rude to say she you remember your mum would be like who's she the cat's mother I never understood that

I never understood that either stupid I don't know my mum would talk about I'm going to see a man about a dog and then Spenny tell me that's a term

for a drug dealer so then I'm questioning like what did my mom do when I was growing up did she work in Aer Lingus or was she in fact a drug dealer she wasn't a drug dealer

okay I'm just putting it out there she was not a drug dealer Sandra's not a drug dealer it's Vogue's birthday today yeah it's Vogue's birthday today happy birthday thank you

Joanne don't Joanne don't bring that up Joanne God embarrassing also because I'm in Canada and I'm five hours ahead and, don't, Joanne, don't bring that up, Joanne. God, embarrassing. Also, because I'm in Canada and I'm five hours ahead and I don't, it's confusing. There was a lot of shambles about getting here and everything.

I kept waking up in panic going, is it the birthday today? So I rang Vogue on Sunday morning. Was it Sunday morning, Saturday morning? Saturday morning when I was in a hula hoop I went I rang her And she's like hello And I was like Is it your birthday today

And she goes no And I was like alright listen See you later And she goes see you later And we literally hung up straight away I was so glad It was that short I was just like

Why is she ringing me Now small talk I'm here for the birthday If it's not your birthday I'm hanging up That's literally what happened And do you want some good news always

who was the first person to wish me happy birthday me you can you believe it is that that's probably the time difference is it

probably it doesn't matter it doesn't matter Joanne you win okay you win I win yeah it's always nice to get the first one in there

so it's a bit like it's a virtue signalling I'm a really good friend I'm the fastest bestest friend look I was first and somebody I would just like to

clear something up because Amber posts this thing for my birthday every year it didn't say happy birthday on it but it's all these pictures of us

like she's gone to a bit of effort like so she posted like 10 pictures of us and I reposted it and someone mailed me and they were like are you reposting your birthday message it didn't it didn't say happy birthday so I wasn't reposting a birthday message good woman for clearing that up she's um she gets off on a technicality there also let us just say we can think one thing three

weeks ago and we can think a totally different thing in a week's time none of this shit's set in stone feel the same about that set in stone. I feel the same about that I have to say. I know I do too I'm sticking with that one yeah I do see that it is kind of annoying yeah Can we talk about the art behind your head like hotel art in general

I don't understand Well I am beaming in from downtown Ottawa in Canada I'm not saying that the artwork is shit because I'm in Ottawa. Ottawa's a gorgeous city. But I have to say, I was a little confused by it myself. Yeah. It kind of looks like an infection, but I believe it is.

Stones on a beach? A volcano, I think. And I bet you anything those jizzy throws on the bed match the the painting do they bet you anything they always do that

jizzy throws I don't think I have any jizzy throws I think it's just standard white cushions white pillows what sort of shitshow am I staying in

ring reception excuse me where are my jizzy pillows I didn't have to use my foot to get anything off the bed and I'm staying in. Ring reception. Excuse me, where are my jizzy pillows? I didn't have to use my foot to get anything off the bed and I'm not happy. I've paid top notch here and I don't have a single pillow to jizz on. It's a fucking disgrace.

Your bag is probably on top of them, like on the bed, your full bag, just covering all the jizzy pillows. I probably ate them last night in my sleep or something. The jizzle, the jillows. Jizz pillows. Catchy name. It is a catchy name.

Oh, I wanted to talk to you about one thing that I saw before we move on to our amazing emails that we love. Yes, indeed. Did you see that story about the middle class shoplifters? Hit me. So as a shoplifters hit me so as a shoplifter myself indeed

as a shoplifter coming from a position of shoplifter I'd like to identify as now coming from a position of privileged shoplifter coming from a position

of privileged shoplifter so I haven't shoplifted in ages okay not a lot when I say ages I mean years obviously it was back in the day but supposedly there's a serious shoplifting problem shoplifter so I haven't shoplifted in ages okay not a lot when I say ages I mean years obviously it was back in my it was back in the day but supposedly there's a serious shoplifting problem

like it's it's like it's a real issue now yes I go into co-op and the steaks are like in these big massive plastic yolks that used to only be reserved for like the champagne and stuff I know did I never did I not send you the photo of all the Lurpak? The things that they're now wrapping in locks. Like what they used to put kind of razors behind. Or the perfume. It'd be locked up. Now they're putting it on fucking onions

and all. But anyway, someone sent me this photo. Packs of Lurpak. Which I have to say, I do believe Lurpak to be the most luxurious of unsalted butters. I love Lurpak and Kerry Gout. I only believe Lurpac to be the most luxurious of unsalted butters I love Lurpac and Kerrygold I only love Lurpac when I'm in England

obviously when I would prefer there is a difference Jo I'm telling you there's a difference between English and Irish butter Irish butter is really yellow it's em

I'm a Derrygolder I like Derrygold I'm a Kerrygold now I'd be it's gorgeous delicious it looks like kind of a jaundiced lump

of lard and it's massive and you have to keep it out of the fridge because it's rock hard because it's real butter so i'm not talking about those kind of shoplifters although there is a real problem with at the moment shoplifting and i saw robbie williams posted a video of somebody shoplifting and everyone went crazy about it because it is such a problem they're trying to bring a new law in about shoplifting by the way so beware if you're thinking of shoplifting and everyone went crazy about it because it is such a problem they're trying to bring a new law in about shoplifting by the way so beware if you're thinking of shoplifting yeah hold on was Robbie was Robbie promoting the shoplifter or condoning the shoplifter well he was laughing about the shoplifting but I think shoplifting can be quite funny sometimes depending on the kind of shoplifting it is especially when they try to run out real quick and run into the glass door. I've seen those.

That's gas. I saw this man trying to steal a bottle of beer and he put it down his trousers. It fell down his trousers, smashed on the ground

and then he slipped on it. So that kind of immediate karma. Immediate karma. Don't you dare. I know. But like, what kind of world are we living in when you have to like

unlock a tomato but these are women right have a good bit of money but they're just kind of shoplifting for the kick of shoplifting and they can't stop

also what I would say was this is all very not Demi Moore God do I need to Winona Ryder Winona Ryder it's all very Winona Ryder. Winona Ryder. It's all very Winona Ryder-esque.

Because do you know what as well, I would say, and I haven't read the article, but if you are kind of, you're known, if you are like, say, an heiress to something or you come from money or whatever, and you had a life

where you can afford high-end products and then suddenly you can't afford that anymore I'd say that would drive you to a bit of shoplifting because you're like well I've established a certain look for myself and it's not shopping in Aldi so they go in and they probably think they don't look suspicious because women like that yeah they had they probably is a stereotypical shoplifter that's why this story is so salacious because it's like

oh god middle is it rich girls or middle class girls well it says middle class but I think that these are women

who like can very much afford what they're stealing but they're stealing it like they talk about it in the article they're stealing it because it kind of

gives them like a buzz did you ever see that in Catastrophe Sharon Horgan did it and like she was just like switching the tag on something so they'll switch the tag on things as well

so like they get something that would have been like 60 quid and they'll get it for 40 quid I just think that's smart no kind of makes sense don't condone it though

smart shopping certainly don't condone it we obviously don't condone it but Sharon Horgan did it so that's all I'm saying yeah and I I don't condone it

but like it's in my past and I'm not proud of it I never swap all I'm saying yeah and I I don't condone it but like it's in my past and I'm not proud of it I never swapped tags I just stuffed stuff yeah I just stole stuff the old fashioned way

everyone does everyone I honest to god I don't know a single cell actually no I know one person who I asked have you ever stolen anything

and he said he accidentally stole a packet of chewing gum I was like you're lying through your hell anyway whatever maybe it's more

a female thing I don't know I stole a lot but like off my dad so I was like you're lying through your hell anyway whatever maybe it's more a female thing I don't know I stole a lot but like off my dad so I feel like that doesn't count because I was just stealing from within the family no that doesn't count

you're entitled to all that stuff he would have left it to me anyway exactly you're just dipping into your inheritance remember I got I've spoken about this before

but I got arrested for shoplifting when I was out of spoken about this before but I got arrested for shoplifting when I was out of my mind I know but the reason I love your story so much

is because what you were stealing yeah it was very clear I was not well it was all kind of like food but like

it just the whole thing stank to the point where it was like baguettes I think I stole a couple of baguettes pastries and a tub of pen and jerryries the security guard was like where are all the electronics they just didn't understand but people do steal food all the time but

I had no access to money at the time and I had this compulsion blah blah blah but it is kind of terrifying when you're like oh it's like an out of body experience when you get that tap on the shoulder and the bounce is like I'm sorry can you come back into the store please and a fucking croissant drops out of your sock. You're like, oh, right, okay.

Sorry, a croissant falls out of your top. I think I said sock, but actually changed to top. That's better. A few Danish pastries popping out the bottom of your legs. Yeah. I've been followed around

because sometimes, you know, I can be a bit casual with my appearance sometimes. That's a good one good that's a very good a very good way of putting it yeah

yeah I can be a bit casual with the old appearance at times and the hairbrush and the hairbrush

forgetful and the brush the forgetful I just can't forget how to use it or and as we know the older you get the less you care Forgetful at the brush. The forgetful. I just can't forget how to use it. Or, and as we know, the older you get,

the less you care. Yeah. And so anyway, I was in a shop once and I was, I could feel the security guard. I just felt like it was, I think it was Brian Thomas

and he was kind of keeping an eye on me and I was like, what's this man's problem? And I looked down and I was using a black plastic bag. I had a bag of clothes that I'd obviously taken from someone's house or something and I was dragging it's this man's problem and I looked down and I was using a black plastic bag I had a bag of clothes that I'd obviously taken from someone's house or something

and I was dragging it on the ground around me and a very old parker jacket and my hair looked like a nest and I was like oh okay

I see it this does look I get it yeah I see it I see the motivation here that's fine yeah a black plastic bag

like a bin bag. You're so classy. It looked like I was using it as a handbag. I know. We've all been there. No, we haven't actually. We definitely haven't. But like, it's too obvious.

What burglar brings in a black sack? Like, come on. Just stuff clinking around in the old little cantaloupes. Dear Bojo, I'm getting married in March. And me, and me fiancé.

Me fiancé? Is she gone? Is she gone? Is she gone? Have we lost her? My fiancé is off and it's sorry I'm not drinking that's for sure

because I'm on day two of sober October haven't drank in two days Sorry carry on I'm getting married in March and my fiancé is off on a stag next month

Here's some background My fiancé and his friends are a bunch of lads, lads, lads. Oh. You know the source. The ones who are in their 30s would still give each other dead legs and call each other legends all the time. Assholes, basically.

One of my friends who's married to another of the lad children in the group showed me a video the other day of her fiance when he went on a sag it's a scummy

dimly lit video of her fella essentially being sucked off by a woman in leather great fun legends all around

I no no no no thanks so the so the woman's fiance was getting sucked off at his side to marry her

no so her friend's fiance yeah was getting sucked off at his tag to marry her no so her friend's fiance yeah was getting sucked off and she so what's your one doing about her

so hang on so I think that she didn't really care about it because it was on his tag but here she continues

basically I'm not okay with the idea of my fella getting sucked off or wanked off by anyone except me I think that's

fair enough that is fair call me a frigid boring bitch but it's not my vibe also not my vibe and I'll tell you what I fucking am frigid

only joking yeah from two frigid bitches to another I wouldn't be on for my boyfriend getting sucked off on a stag either call me old fashioned

yeah and I'm not wanking you but you're certainly not getting wanked by anyone else right exactly do the wanking yourself

I don't like wanking. It's the least favourite of my things to do. I'll do blowies. Obviously with this mouth, I'll do blowies. But wanking, no. I don't want to ruin his stag before it even starts, but how can you say, don't cheat on me when you're on your stupid lame stag

without actually saying it? Or am I missing something? Are we all just supposed to accept cheating on a stag because otherwise your little friends think your wife-to-be is a non-legend? Ah, here. No way. Do you know who the only non-legend there is?

Your man who thinks that it's so deadly to go and get sucked off on a stag because it's his last night of freedom. Like, you're about to get married. If that's your vibe, don't get married, you fucking non-legend. Well, I I I mean

I would say I would say it's absolutely rampant I would say maybe it's better the devil knows why are you shaking your head Jo

do you actually think that it's rampant I just I think yeah it is what's the point I don't want to go and get finger banged

by someone on my hen I know It's just It's a different way Of thinking There is definitely A kind of Last chance saloon

Esque vibe To a man's tag Isn't there Jo? They do feel like Oh well maybe It's not as bad To do it now Before there's actually

Like it's a legal Binding Contract between us Here is what I would do, Anon. I would tell him that your friend has shown you that video, you feel really uncomfortable about his stag, and that you want to have a chat with him before he goes. And then say, P.S.

I always find everything out. Remember that, my friend. I'll always find out. That's actually really good. I will always find out. Insert the seed of paranoia oh yeah make them nervous

it always gets back to me even maybe go one further say like I just want you to know I have a rat in the camp yeah I have a rat in the camp yeah

that's a great one you don't know who it is but I've slipped I've paid there's a I have a financial arrangement with one of your friends and trust me,

if you do anything, it will come back to me. Then maybe it's better you don't know. I never know what the right thing to do is. I don't know whether it's ignore, move on, not know, no. I don't know. I'd have to know

and I think if she's feeling uncomfortable, say that to him and just be like, listen, this is how I feel about it, whatever, whatever. And who cares if his friends think you're a non-legend because you don't want him

going to get a blowy off someone else I also think she might have she might have a gut instinct that he will or he won't

because you would wonder is it a bit insulting to him if she brings it up and says look I don't cheat he's like how can you

think that of me but then when they say that that's when they are cheating I know a guy who told me that he was on a stag party once they went to Prague obviously and they landed

they were there for 48 hours and some some of the stag party maybe two members left the party from the airport and arrived back to the party

when they went to board the plane home I don't understand they just abandoned the stag the second they landed and then reconnected with the stag when the when they went to board the plane home I don't understand they just abandoned the stag the second they landed and then reconnected with the stag when the stag went to fly home basically they went off

to do their own bits and bobs for 48 hours in Prague and you can imagine what they were oh my god maybe they were just on one of the maybe they were on one of those bikes that's like a nine seater bike that you sit on and drink beer

and you get one euro hot dogs that's what they might have been doing getting the one euro hot dogs in Prague yeah all innocent I lived off them when I was inter-rating

because I had no money I just used to get one euro hot dogs three a day they're absolutely delicious I have to say and you put ketchup

on anything it's just to taste massive but yeah they disappeared and came back the cheek I'd hate to go

like I don't think I have another like hen or stag in me I just it's just not my idea of fun

and I think that I would be really quite honest about that like I just wouldn't no I mean when I get married again I don't want a hen okay I'm just saying it now

fine I don't want a hen noted you should get planning that actually I mean places book up months in advance I don't want a hen. Noted. We should get planning that actually. I mean, places book up months in advance. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.

I was watching someone's stories the other day and she was having a belated baby shower because her friends, because of COVID, her friends weren't able to throw her a baby shower.

And I would just like to say that I am owed two baby showers. So I would like those baby showers, please. Well, would you really like a baby shower. And I would just like to say that I am owed two baby showers. So I would like those baby showers, please. Well, would you really like

a baby shower? Yes. Really though, come on. Think deep into yourself. I just want a party to celebrate me and you can pretend and well done

for having the babies. But it would be more fun than a baby shower because obviously I'll be able to do stuff that I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant. I'd happily organise

that for you. We'll do a party. Sorry, I'll repeat. I will organise that I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant. I'd happily organise that for you. We'll do a party. Sorry, I'll repeat. I will organise that for you. I just removed the happily because it would be a tonne of pay in the hell, but I would do it. Well, I'll tell you what.

Why don't we organise a joint venture? You can do my baby shower and I'll do your 40th and we'll have it in one. Why don't we just throw a party and just celebrate ourselves? Okay, I mean. Why not?

I mean, I just did that on Friday, but I'll do it again. Yeah. I turned 40. I never really marked it. You had a baby. We never really marked that. Jo, you can come. You can come, Jo.

It's not just a girl's trip. Jo had a baby. We never really marked that. We did. We bought him that six grand bugaboo. Joanne wouldn't even know what that cost. I bet you, I just charged her for half. No, I don't know, I don't know.

Hey girls, I know three lads who live together in Dublin. If one of them brought a girl home and was struggling to get rid of her the next morning, he would send a sly message into their WhatsApp group. Five minutes later, two of the lads would start

hammering on his bedroom door, dressed head to toe in football gear, telling him to hurry up and get ready for their match. He would act like he totally forgot, spring out of the bed and throw on his football gear, apologising profusely to the girl

that he didn't have time to spin her home before the match. All three of them would waver off into a taxi, close the front door, order her chicken rolls and sit in the couch for the day, playing FIFA in their full football gear. Now, so my judge, but really it's a kind way to send a girl off without just straight up

asking her to leave. Aside from the lies and deceit, it's a decent effort to go to to avoid hurting someone's feelings. that's all from me love you ladies I've just moved to Battersea and I'm living for the day I bump into you both

in the asparagus for a large glass of vino I have to say I think that's job well done like that's I think that is quite fair I don't think I'd mind

I wouldn't mind either it would be fair but I would have been out the door way before that could even happen because I wouldn't be I couldn't mind either. It would be fair, but I would have been out the door way before that could even happen because I wouldn't be, I couldn't deal with that. I'd be like, bye!

Like literally, I'd probably go at like 4am after all the riding was done. I'd be like, I gotta go. I've left men's houses with a very bitter taste in my mouth. If it had happened like that,

I think I'd feel much more positively about it all. It's a lot of effort from them and we appreciate that. Usually when you want someone to leave, you start acting a bit cold with them and a bit distant. Right. And then you feel like shit because you're like, oh, God, he's clear. He wants me to leave.

He's been really cold and distant. And then you leave and you feel like shit. Here, he's going to be really nice to you in the morning because he knows you're going to be gone in 10 minutes. He's not trying to freeze you out of the bed. So he's probably going to be in really good form. Yeah. I think it's fine wouldn't it be so embarrassing if after

reading this the second you stopped having sex it's 3am and there's all these lads banging on the bedroom door telling your man he's got a football match

you're like but it's 3am it's an early start it's a long journey to the pitch get out that's it from us for the bonus I've been Gerard McNally she's been Val Gwilliams journey to the pitch. Get out! That's it from us for the bonus.

I've been Joanne McNally. She's been Vogue Williams. Happy birthday, Vogue. Thank you. What age are you now? 38. 38 and happy. 38 and proud.

There you go. 38 and proud and happy. 38, proud and happy. And eight is one of my favourite numbers. Jo, have you anything

to say to Vogue? A very happy birthday. Thanks, Joe. I was waiting for your text, but it is like five o'clock now and I still haven't got a text, so you must have been waiting for this. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

He wanted to do a face-to-face, didn't he? That's so kind of you, Joe. Before we go, while we have you, My Therapist Goes To Me is on tour, will be on tour in Australia. We're going to Perth we're going to Sydney we're going to Melbourne

and then we go straight back to Belfast in the SSC so if anyone's in those areas and would like to come along we'd love to have you all the dates and information is on our website mytherapistgoestome.com very excited we're going soon

I'm packed I'm packed and guess where I'm going today Winnipeg Winnipeg yay yeah