My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "How Do You Respond To A Fella Like This?"

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

You'll know by now that the MTGM inbox gets some weird and wonderful emails - but this week, Vogue & Joanne received one of the particularly peculiar ones. Plus the latest on the back and forth with Leo Varadkar! If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Hello and welcome to the extra helping of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Go on Joanne, let's do our screen times. But like my screen time looks like an iPad number. It's like it just it's relentless it just goes on for days it's so embarrassing mine comes up and actually i'm surprised i'd even pretend to do it with you because like i don't know if i'd be able to tell the truth about it it's so bad i know mine's like you've been on the phone for 26 hours a day i'm

like there's only 24 hours in a day how have I gone over they're like you've literally created time you're you're so addicted when you're like oh I've no I'm rushed off my feet today I have absolutely no time for anything and then I'm like oh but I had seven hours to be on my phone but do you know what I'm so aware of it now like I find myself just mindlessly scrolling but asking myself what are you doing do you you know what I mean? Like why are you watching someone squeeze a spot? Who is this person?

Yeah pack a lunch for a child. You don't even have a child Joanne. Why are you watching an Asian woman relentlessly pack her child's lunch box?

What is this bringing to your life? Nothing. Nothing. I love watching that or I love watching people like make food that I would never

ever eat in a million thousand years but I love watching it. Sometimes I wake up in make food that I would never ever eat in a million thousand years but I love watching it sometimes I wake up in the morning and watch you work out with John Belton while I'm in bed

I'm like what's this little bitch up to now what's she doing what smug activities is she up to do you know what actually this man came up to me

in the park the other day and he congratulated me for not being on the phone this man came up to me in the park the other day and he congratulated me for not being on the phone when I was with Theodore in the park. But like, I'm like teaching, I've taught him how to ride

his bicycle. So like, I'm like so fully invested in that. I'm like, thank God he didn't see me 10 minutes ago. He came up and congrat,

did he know you? Or he just was like? No, he didn't know me. He was like, it's so nice to see a parent like, really looking at what their

child is doing and not, and not being on their phone all i was thinking is he obviously only just saw me meanwhile you're busy selling gg to some leprechaun bubble industry for like 60 grand work bitch work work it work it or you're out work like your mommy they've got to listen

they've got to pay the wage I do get out like my brother's like do you put money into an account for them I'm like yeah mine who's gonna have to

who's gonna have to fund their lifestyle it's a different vibe over here parents like I mean they fund them till they're like 30 ridiculous

that is so someday Gigi's gonna come knocking for that sweet cash and you're gonna have to explain to you inject it into your face and I wanna be there when that day happens

I'm gonna take out the holiday album I'm gonna say do you remember going here no I know you don't I am telling you now I do not understand why any Jo have we discussed this before I don't understand why any parents bother spending money on a child before they're 14 they don't remember anything I have no memories sorry

do you know what I will tell you like I am so jealous of like I have people in my life that their their family still takes them away and pays for their holiday and pays for all their dinners. And they're in their 30s and they still get whisked off. So I'm like, how the fuck are they on holidays again? And then I'm like, aha. Really?

The parents are, yeah, I know. We were born into the wrong family. We were. My mum's kind of starting to make strange suggestions that. Like you take her away. No, that I buy her an electric car.

John, you shouldn't have Toured so much She's gone This is the thing She's gone from me being like Can I get you a bottle of wine Not at all Don't waste your money

To sending me links To electric cars And iPods Just going to leave This here I'm not your sugar daddy I'm your child When's her birthday

imagine you got her an electric electric cars are not cheap she was like you buy me an electric car and you can have the Volvo are you why

I want a sex life I'm not driving around in a Volvo thanks I'd be absolutely mortified I'll drive the Volvo on my way into assisted living because that'll be like

I'll have given up the ghost at that stage anyway that's where you want to live anyway you're going to like the first thing you're going to do once you stop touring

you're going to move into your new house buy yourself a stairlift you're going to really get yourself sorted oh my god Jason Byrne was telling me the funniest story

I don't know if I could I probably actually probably shouldn't tell around the pile because it's his story do you know I'm jealous when I see that you're out with Jason Byrne

he's great crack but I'd be too shy to go out with him. I was always like, he's one of the best, not to blow smoke up his art, well I suppose I am, but he is,

he's one of the best. Jo, do you know, have you ever seen Jason Byrne live? I literally had him on a pod the other day. I recorded with him the other day

and it's one of the funniest recordings I've ever done. He's a funny man. We don't want to talk about you cheating on us anymore, right? It's too full on he's just

he's just talking about it like it's normal life now Joanne who are you well writing and recording is the same thing in our book who are you cheating on us with I've got other bits

and bobs on I gotta pay the bills Jo we invented you okay if it wasn't for us you'd be fucking serving grill

in the global canteen so you want to watch yourself because this feels very Notions 11 I heard you're working with Joel Dommett and Ricky Gervais

is it true? Joel Dommett yes Ricky Gervais no I'd accept I'd accept Ricky Gervais if you could work with someone like anyone from Top Boy

I'd be very happy with that Joanne have you watched Top Boy me and Spencer are addicted although we watched the last episode yesterday of the second series

and we thought we had two more to go I don't get it is it like Top Man for twinks what is it it's like it's like

it's about like gangs in East London and stuff like that like drug gangs it's so good I've realised why I watch all this old shit

and it's not shit but at the moment I'm watching this very interesting documentary about the palace of Versailles and I realised it's firstly

absolutely fascinating five stars highly recommend secondly I realised that there's so much going on that I find it quite soothing to just watch documentaries about a simpler time.

Even though building Versailles was actually quite traumatic because most people died falling off the roof. But it is just a simpler, simpler time. I don't know if it was a simpler time. I don't think we would have survived that time.

Oh God. For Jesus' sake, we'd be long dead they loved killing each other you would have died you would have died in childbirth like 28 years ago oh at least yeah

100% em I have got fan tastic news for you go on do you want to hear it what is it

well I actually am just over the news myself have you checked your Instagram recently obviously yeah have you gotten any new followers

oh my god I know what you're gonna say I know Joe's over the news Leo Bradcar follows both of us

sorry I don't think you I don't think it's Bradcar Bradcar no it's Bradcar it's Leo Bradcar

yeah I mean... I'm from Hayes. Basically, Joe, Leo has given us the keys to the city and we're absolutely thrilled. Did he just follow you, though? Did he DM you, no?

No. Oh. No. Shit, Buzz. Did he DM you? Oh, we're in full correspondence. Like, it's... Shut up.

There's, like, love eye emojis thumbs up the whole kitten no there is not yeah so he's chosen a favourite yeah

there's like that's absolutely okay I'm unfollowing him congratulated me on everything I've done yeah right congratulated me on like giving you a career

just he's just all over me like a rat up a drainpipe basically Leo and do you know what's so pathetic do you know what's so pathetic he actually just he's just all over me like a rat up a drainpipe basically Leo and do you know what's so pathetic do you know what's so pathetic

he actually do you know what he actually said I've actually mailed him twice well no I haven't mailed him I've tagged him twice in something

talking about him one of them says sorry but can Leo get any better what a hero nothing nada nothing back

he obviously he smells my desperation yeah you see you were too it's too much right I'm gonna go after me home Martin I slipped into his DMs

it was just I was very cool about it I was like listen do or don't oh sorry make it work or don't make it work be your own man or not

you mailed him first yeah I did it on the pod do you remember oh okay Joanne okay well like maybe I'll mail him and say glad to have you on board no I think just leave it now

I think let me have that connection no Joanne I want that connection no you've got Amanda Holden let's just leave it leave it as it is Amanda Holden's pretty amazing

isn't she god her face that's what she looks like in real life as well there's some people that you're like yeah they don't look like that in real life

but some of them do she does Leo does Sophie Jamie's girlfriend she looks like in real life as well. There's some people that you're like, yeah, they don't look like that in real life, but some of them do. She does. Leo does. Sophie, Jamie's girlfriend just looks like she's walking around with the Paris filter on, but she's not because it's real life. I know, we need one of those LED head torch things that she wears. I won't after what I'm planning on my face for the next like four weeks. Oh my God, I can't wait to see this. Did you hear this, Jo?

She's getting full scaffolding brought in the whole kitten caboodle everything I'm going to look like a different person I'm going to look very similar to that cat lady she's getting a conservatory put in the back of her head

a spiral staircase between her tits we're all absolutely delighted I just got do you know what this is such a basic thing to say but like

it's a Monday morning we're recording this pod there's two things that like have just made my day already Leo of Radcar obviously I'm a little bit disappointed

that he mailed you do you know what actually to be fair to Leo right and I've always gotten really good vibes off Leo you went fucking sniffing around after him

so that's why he mailed you right no that's grand whatever but I if he if he hadn't followed us back

that would have been a giant snub I don't know what political party he's with but I would have found out and not voted for him again yeah oh my god

that is shocking I was like that's the last time I vote for Sinn Féin that is the last time I vote for Sinn Féin I don't know if they're here

I wonder if Gerry Adams is on bloody Instagram Last time I voted for Sinn Féin, yeah. I don't know if they're here. I wonder if Gerry Adams is on bloody Instagram. Gerry Adams, he's Labour Party, isn't he? Gerry Adams? Yeah. Boris Johnson represents River Island. I know, I have all my facts. I was saying to Joe earlier,

Boris Johnson's had some turnaround, hasn't he? I mean, he broke the law and then off he goes to Kiev and then everyone forgets about what he did did you see he Zelensky addressed the door from a bunker in Ukraine

wearing like his combat gear or shit because he literally is like on the ground like you know what I mean he could be like attacked at any time

and it's just so old school sorry did you not see when the when the French the French president Macron, he starts trying to waltz out in all these t-shirts and stuff.

It's like, dude, you're not under siege. Get the fuck back into your suit. Where are you going? 100%. I did a job with this really big, big, big company. And this guy owns it. He must be swimming in cash. And he basically had this huge uh vip

event where he had to go in black tie blah blah he waltzes up he honestly might have still had a hairbrush stuck in his hair somewhere hadn't brushed his hair little manky t-shirt on i think that there's times when you have to like look nice and not look nice you can't be rocking around in combat like i don't want a politician dressed like a 16 year old lesbian unless they're literally going to war there's no other excuse for it I went for a whopper run yesterday how long? I don't know

I lost the charge to my Fitbit but I'm guessing it was like 6k that's not bad when I say guessing I'm getting back into running

you know like I have numerical dyslexia so like I walked up the hill and ran down it ah come on running down a hill Joanne

that's not running yes it is the wind was the wind was coming towards me actually it was quite a struggle so then I got down

and I ate I'm not gonna I'm not gonna diss your 6k went on a date and ate 60 kilos of carbs and a bottle of white wine I was like

don't worry about it I kind of like fannied around on the hill earlier so I'm good balance it's all about balance balance okay listen

I'm gonna tell you yeah you get to choose which email baby names what was his name a sexual death threat sexual death threat yeah sexual death threat threat threat let's try and say it all together sexual death death threat okay dear joanna v, I need serious advice on how to reply to an out-of-pocket filthy text. I've been texting

back and forth with a guy I've met a couple of times through mutual friends. We've had some really lovely and wholesome conversations, but he sent me an alarmingly detailed

series of texts the other night about how he was going to murder me with his dick. And I haven't spoken to him since. That's not acceptable.

I'm not a prude I can handle a sexy text but this is giving me serious serial killer vibes as a recovering Catholic I like this girl I feel like I'm being thrown in the deep end

how do you respond to a fella like this all the best now well I mean there's sex talk and then like I don't want to be told

you're going to kill me with your dick no there's sex talk and then there's death threats. Maybe it was a typo. Maybe he was like, I'm going to massage you with my dick.

Maybe he didn't mean to say murder. Maybe it was... I'd have a massage, a dick massage. There's really no excuse for threatening to murder someone with any part

of your body, your genitalia included. And how is he going to kill you with the dick? Well, he's just murdered the mood. Tell him, you've murdered the mood. You've murdered the mood.

You've murdered the mood, you're gone. Yeah. What a weirdo. Stop weaponizing your genitalia. It's 2022. Read the fucking room. And that's the end of that. What a blab.

Okay. Hi there. I've recently been introduced to your podcast and I've been laughing along whilst binging the episodes. I finally caught up and listened to MTGM Extra where you were discussing baby names. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my midwife a few years ago. I asked if she delivered a baby that had been named a ridiculous name. And she told me that she had and that she actually intervened. A young woman came in and said her daughter's

chosen name. She said she'd heard it and liked it, how it sounded. And it just rolled off the tongue. The name, I hear you ask, fellatio. It kind of does sound like a nice word. Apparently, the young woman kept repeating it with an almost Italian twang. And the midwife asked her if she knew what it meant the woman had no idea

the woman was apparently completely mortified the name meant noshing off a bloke I thought it was the other thing luckily the poor baby was spared from a lifetime

of ridicule thank you Sarah that is so weird like I've named her fellatio after the Greek god of gobble swallow fellatio to be fair god of gobble swallow. Felatio,

to be fair, to be fair, it's actually a gorgeous name. It's a gorgeous word. It is a nice word. Yeah. Felatio. It's up there with bombastic.

Yeah. Felatio, bombastic. I'm not saying blowy anymore. I'm just going to ask if any of you would like a Felatio. Maybe that's what Felicity is short for.

Yeah, just kind of like, yeah, you're like, I'm a grown woman now. I don't say blowy anymore no exactly I'm not 14 like I'm a mother now I say fellatio

okay fellatio I actually went to that drag brunch that I went to and I asked people for like loads of drag name suggestions and the amount of emails

I got from people saying don't bother your name's Vogue Williams and I thought what you're actually not you're not wrong Joanne if you don't go to the doctor

today honestly yeah I think that's I think that's the last of it there thank you for listening to the bonus episode it's been me Joanne McNally and

Valacia Williams just a little reminder I'm on tour in Ireland and the UK I've Killarney dates on sale Vicar Street's in Dublin's on sale and all across the UK and I'm also going to a place

called Yeovil she's been practising since last week Yeovil Yeovil Yeovil and Yeovil have not been incredibly responsive

to my show so if you know anyone in Yeovil let them know I'm coming in.