My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I almost killed my fella...."

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

In this weeks bonus, Vogue is using her soft, lady voice and Joanne is NOT charming. Plus, a nut roast nightmare.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Welcome to my purpose ghosted me. Very chilled here today for a little bonus episode with myself, Joanne McNatty and my good pal. Fog Williams. Good to see you Joanne. And yourself Fog. We're going to start today's pod with a sound bath because Joanne and I... Very relaxed today. Have you had your cacao?

Have you had the cacao? Just want you to know if anyone else is going through anything stressful, we're going to speak very slowly today in a very calming way. And then we're going to do a sound bowl at the end. Yes, we're going to do our best feminine voices to make you... Sometimes, you know, I used to be so scarlet of my man voice that when I'd first meet, if I fancied a guy, I'd be like, Hi, how are you?

Hi! People do that all the time. People change their voices. It's like the way you speak really high to a baby because you know that certain certain tones certain levels to deliver a certain type of communication so say if you feel like threatened you'll you'll lower your tone whereas if you're wanting to be liked and wanting to kind of disarm someone you'll speak quite high and women i find straight women,

I think I read this somewhere, obviously, somebody who fucking knows BuzzFeed, that they'll put on a higher voice when they're trying to be attractive to a man. That's what they'll do. It kind of, it, what would you say, makes them more attractive. They're less threatening.

Makes them, yeah. So I basically start, my hands start coiling in to hide some of the hugeness of them. And then the voice comes up and I'm like. The sleeves come down. You try to curl your feet, curl your toes in a little to look like a normal sized foot, size five foot. I hunch over and then I put two basketballs down my top. Yes, Very slowly.

Just shove two scones up your vest. And place them right over the chest area. Do a little tuck. Hold on. Fuck. It's like Noel's house party. Thank you. Bye.

Was that me or did she do her sexy woman voice there? Hey. Did you do her sexy woman voice there? Hi! Did you do your sexy woman voice to that man? It felt like you did. It's the postman. Me and Nicky are doing my business partner. My aunt just talked about business partner.

We're bringing out a line of clutch bags and she's just sent me a sandcloth. Oh, go on. Unboxing. A bit of an unboxing show. Look at you. Someone's been on the TikTok. She's a leopard obviously this is

this isn't a visible platform it is an audible platform but it's Nikki wants to do a leopard print

I feel leopard print is over she says it's never over oh leopard print is not over no no no no I feel it might be over look the inside is kind of mint green

now you know you're going to have to make one for Gigi. She's going to have to have one of them. She loves them. It's like I'm doing the shopping channel. Apparently the shopping channel, by the way. Apparently that shifts a lot of stock. Guess who's going on QVC, my friend? No.

Are you really going on QVC? No. It's a dream come true for bare by vote yeah oh my god amazing how high is your voice

going to be on that day hey look how nice I'm charging again I've got this face right here like me like me

please I'm not a scary person no you're not I like your voice when it's mid range that's when I feel most comfortable and less threatened I know you're not trying to come on scary person no you're not I like your voice when it's mid range that's when I feel most comfortable and less threatened

I know you're not trying to come on to me and you're not trying to scare me that's what I like I like mid range what's my scare voice what's my scare voice

I actually know because I do it to Spencer quite often and I've actually do you know what I realise I do to Spencer sometimes the finger I'm like

don't you wag the finger oh my god that's so old school I know but when he's when I'm just don't you wag the finger oh my god that's so old school I know but when he's when I'm just it's just a little like no let's not

let's not let's not cause a fight yeah you're like let's not rock the boat and the boat is me and all my needs need to be met

yeah unless you want to see a tsunami yeah rock someone else's boat. You're going to be in the fucking water, on a lilo, on your own. I have figured out since the last, because you keep bringing up really scary plane things. I figured out why I'm so frightened of planes. So it was when I was going up into the air to go to St. Barthes. So it was when I was going up into the air to go to St. Barthes, I was like, how is this physically possible that this giant aircraft is going into the air? And I see everybody with their hand luggage.

And if they knew what was inside my silver anxious preoccupied bag, that's going to take the plane down. And I was like, everyone's sneaking it on like me. I could not relate to this more. sneaking it on like me I could not relate to this more I when I was flying around America in doing domestic flights I almost ratted myself out because I was worried that the weight that I was sneaking on in my anxious back my back was it was gonna interrupt the flow of the plane because because they're so specific because everyone has to the weight has to be like level on the plane and I was like oh my god the middle's gonna crack open

because like barrel of shit with me so I understand there will come a time where we'll have to rat ourselves out my cousin Killian

went to pick up that bag for me and I was like oh be careful that's really heavy I was like he'll do his back in if he doesn't know

sorry I want to talk about this QVC thing I'm absolutely buzzed for you I was like he'll do his back in if he doesn't know sorry I want to talk about this QVC thing I'm absolutely buzzed for you and for me it's really cool do you want to come on and be the model I can do your tan no I'll just keep ringing

me again Vogue put me on loudspeaker Speneno did it for his clean coat and um andy peters is on it all the time andy peters is one of the hosts on it and he's really obviously he's really good you've seen him on the rain and so i'd quite love it was him but like it's really exciting i never thought i'd be a qbc girl are you gonna be doing like live tanning sessions or? Yeah, yeah. Are you? I hope so. Cause I would love to do that too. Cause, cause I do my tan in like four and a half minutes. So I'm like, I want to show people how easy it is to tan. Oh my God. The incels are going to be bet into this now. They'll be at home, folks in their bikini smearing. No, no, no,

no. I won't be doing, I won't be doing my my own. In a paddling pill. Are you in a paddling pill with other women tanning each other? There won't be an incels crotch dry. I'll tell you what, I'll do my feet or my hands. That's about it. Oh, your feet. Jesus Christ. I know. They did say

listen, you can do the feet or the hands. We don't have time for both. You're going to have to choose. Are you going to get your feet out on the internet on the tv no way jose especially with the way i'm looking now because i feel like since i've been in um since i've been on my holidays i've just become so feral my beard is back you know the fluffy beard it's back yeah the brows are all over the place the legs are are very... That's island life. I've all those things wrong with me and I haven't been on an island at all.

I've just been sitting in London and I have no fucking excuse. I haven't dried my hair once since I've been over here and I dried my hair yesterday for the first time and because I've been putting so much conditioner in my hair every day,

all my extensions just started pulling out. I was like, oh God, Hadley's going to kill me because it's basically like a remover and I've been stuck. I'm like, can I fix my hair while I'm away? And then they all just started getting dragged out. I was like, oh God, Adley's going to kill me because it's basically like a remover and I've been stuck. I'm like, I'll fix my hair while I'm away and then they all just started

getting dragged out. Well, I can't wait. You're going to have your full Alsatian hair for the QVC. What was the dog that we said you looked like that day when you came on with the curly blow dry?

Not a smelly Alsatian. I'm an Afghan hound. Sorry, sorry, Alsatians are smelly. Okay, sorry. Would you like to look like an Alsatian or an Afghan hound. Sorry, sorry. Alsatians are smelly. Okay, sorry. Would you like to look like an Alsatian or an Afghan hound? Come on. There's no comparison. I'd fucking absolutely, absolutely

love to look like an Alsatian and I will when I get my bob cut back in because I'm having a balayage. Now I hope that I'm allowed to announce it now that I've said it here on the pod. I get myself in a lot of trouble on this pod. I hope you know. All the time. Would it be a lot of trouble on this pod I hope you know all the time Would it be a secret? It's not like you're running for office

sure you can say you're doing the QVC channel Well all I know is that I did a Bareby Vogue shoot the other day in St. Barts and I mentioned it on the Bareby Vogue shoot in a video so I'm assuming the news is going to come out here but you know what I think the best place to mention it is on Therapist

the news is out there you go oh my god I hope they don't like tell me I can't do it now because I've outed them like that time you lost me a job remember

oh yeah trust me I've lost myself way more work than I've lost you oh wow oh we move on no work for us I wanted to I wanted to get your opinion on something I'm planning

on doing basically I flew over with the kids and everything like that and we flew economy because it's very expensive to fly with that many people

nice work nice one of us i'm too way way too scabby let's put that in a clip look into it she won a great post that now flew economy i flew economy i flew economy i flew economy i did economy i flew economy i did write a song about it good girls too about economy so I was in that so I was in that economy place and I was like because Benny basically had a lovely flight and flew on his own and didn't get interrupted at all I had all the kids over on top of me because all they want to do is be beside me like I hear mummy because they're terrified because they're in economy because they're like what the fuck is this i'm terrified mom i've told you it's more

so why are these people on my plane they're like whimpering they're just like scared why is there so many stuff t t asked because you know do you know what i think is bad right when you're sitting in economy they fucking walk you through business of course And T was like why do these people have lying down seats And I was like I don't know I don't know Because they're very lazy

You're never having that So I have considered Because my mum used to fly in business With Neil and they would dump all of us down the back which obviously is a great thing to do and I was thinking it's four or five an acceptable age to start doing that and it's not

Off you go Osho keep walking, keep walking He's fine, he's two He's two next week, he's grand, he's fine He can't walk, he's like using the drinks trolley to kind of get himself down to the seat like a stroller but i was thinking to myself right i was like okay otto's still free on the planes so what i'll do is yeah still free for like a week so i was like i'm gonna take advantage of this i am going to upgrade myself and Otto for the way home because it's a night flight.

Like, would you do that? Would you do that? Is that bad? Well, where would the rest of them be? They'll be down the back with Spenny. Oh, crap. Once Spence was there, like I thought maybe. Only because I feel like I'm getting a deal.

It's two for one. It's Otto and I, two for one. Oh, well, you know what I'll say. Hundy P. Oh, for fuck's sake. That's too much. I's i know sorry it's going on notes me she voice notes me it's gonna go and she writes it in text you're right it does have to go i actually i even hated myself then i followed it i just find the hypocrite that you're such a hypocrite when you talk about that. Hypocrisy. Yeah, like, I'm sorry. Well, once you be a...

I'm saying sounder. My point is this. Once, once... I sent you Bottie G and you were raging. It's not, it's not fun. It's not cute. It's not charming.

Someone put up this post and I got sent it by so many people because they were like, I've decided to start calling the botanical gardens the Bottie G and I thought, that's a bit of me. Yeah, it is a bit of you. I got sent it by so many people because they were like I've decided to start calling the botanical gardens the botty G and I thought that's a bit of me yeah there's a bit of you

I got sent it as well I said don't fucking send that to her I had a I got a message from a woman the other day she was very she really doesn't like me

and she's like just so you know I want you to know I don't find you charming at all what do you think of that? I was like, charming? I don't know if anyone finds me charming.

I was like, okay, hundy pee, hun, hundy pee. I don't find you charming. Oh, hey, I'm so upset. I want you to know, I don't find you charming. Oh, I'm so upset. I want you to know I don't find you charming at all. What do you think of that? What do you think of that? I think nobody

finds me charming at all. Classier charming. It's not us. Anyway, the abbreviations, I don't find them charming. What do you think of that? I don't find my own charming either. So I'm cutting myself off now. That's my last hundy pea. I'm going, I'm sober. my own charming either so I'm cutting myself off now that's my last one dp I'm going I'm sober okay I'm on the drive

so anyway on the business class thing I did look into it and uh yeah I'm just I'm just too scabby it was too expensive too expensive and actually there was no seats at all until May 5th so oh really no seats

until May 5th yeah God so much business going on Jesus so much business business that's a lot of business

that's a lot of business people flying back from St. Barts I was trying to count the seats on my way by but they push you through so quickly I couldn't because I was trying to count the seats on my way by but they push you through so quickly I couldn't because I was trying to figure out how much they're making.

Like, get up that aisle, you nosy bitch. Stop looking. The folks out with their abacus trying to figure out how much money the airline's making.

Hold on a fucking second here now. Excuse me. Six seats. 60 grand each. They push it through so fast. I think people are genuinely shocked when they see Spenny down there. I'd say he's pretty shocked as well.

Does he know where he is? No, I do medicate him before we get on because he gets so nervous about it. You just tell him he's filming an adventure documentary. Like, this is Bear Grylls has asked you to do this just to kind of it's a survival exercise

Spencer it's going to be on the Discovery Channel eat the food in the tin you have to Bear says eat the food

in the tin no he was in he's looking for the camera crew he's like where's these fucking hidden cameras I can't see any there

this is going to be a huge hit I've had my big break the camera crew. He's like, where's these fucking hidden cameras? I can't see any there. This is going to be a huge hit. I've had my big break. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I nearly killed my fella on Sunday night. Ooh. Go on.

Made the man a nut roast and he had a severe peanut allergy. Ooh. Go on. Made the man a nut roast and he had a severe peanut allergy. Ooh. Sorry, how do you not know?

Pardon? Is it a first date? Like, how long do you know him? Sorry, this just reminds me we were on the beach yesterday

and T had been over looking at this bee, right? This dying bee on the ground in the sand and he was there for about 10 minutes because he's obsessed with animals looking at this bee right this dying bee on the ground in the sand and he was there for about 10 minutes

because he's obsessed with animals looking at the bee then off he went completely forgot about the bee walking back down the beach

and got stung stung by the same bee because he stood and forgot where it was and he had I mean an almighty meltdown

for about 25 minutes we had to get him off the beach I was like he almighty meltdown for like 25 minutes. We had to get him off the beach. I was like, he can't stay here like this. But you can get really bad. Do you ever see people when they get stung by bee, the allergies that they get? Yes. Didn't read the ingredients on the back of the packet and just assumed it would be grand

and wouldn't have peanuts in it. A nut loaf. Hold on. Did you not just say specifically she made him a nut loaf a nut roast a nut roast and she said it'll be fine it won't have peanuts in it

okay oh my god had to get the ambo to hospital and he ended up in intensive care and nearly died

all because of the nut roast all because all because of this rogue nut roast that that had the audacity to have a nut in it sorry this has a bang of that mushroom lady story off it in australia just saying it's made of nuts now is that it sounds delicious to be honest i think i'd like a nut roast

that's like me having a panic attack that there's banana in a banana cake when i like if i had a chronic banal allergy and then i'm in an ambulance going i don't know how this happened all i had was three banana cakes this seems so unfair and unjust i've been tricked and lied to she's got they're so lucky he didn't i know i have a friend who has a nut allergy and he comes over to the house and he's like oh is there any nuts in that and i get so freaked out that i'm like can you just like order something because i don't want you because he brings a pen around who has a nut allergy and he comes over to the house and he's like, oh, is there any nuts in that? And I get so freaked out that I'm like, can you just like order something because I don't want you. Because he brings a pen around

when I'm like, I don't want to be the one that like kills you. You can die here, but just on a takeaway or something. Terribly scary. We're sorry for your troubles. Yeah.

But I think having that allergy would be terrible. I mean, we're laughing about it now, but underneath, I am having waves of, oh Jesus, if he actually died, it would have been my fault. And how mortifying it would be terrible um i mean we're laughing about it now but underneath i am having waves of oh jesus if he actually died it would have been my fault and how mortifying it would be to say it was a little nut roast that did it i just there is a piece of the story missing for me if she'd said it was a chicken breast but there was a nut somewhere stuck in it

like i'd understand more how this happened i don don't want to victim blame, but it's a little confusing. I would have thought it was, I would have thought it's assumed that there is nuts in a nut roast. But look, who am I to judge? I can understand the embarrassment of that as well, though, because Benny once choked on a carrot. And the only reason he said that he was able to save himself

is because he was like, I can't have it written that Spencer Matthews chokes to death on a Tesco carrot. Well, certainly not a Tesco carrot. Was it a Tesco carrot? A Tesco carrot. Yeah. You'd be expecting a weight rose at least from him. At least.

No dignity in that name. Okay. I've had to take the day off work to try and get over it. He's grand, playing away in the Xbox, delighted to be alive. And I'm over here trying to get over the trauma of it all. To be honest with you, it's a bit of his fault as well. You offered him a nut roast and he accepted it.

100%. See what I did there? Yeah, yeah. Finished it. It's over. It's over. The phase, the chapter is closed. Well done, well done. But yeah, I mean mean like for the person who has the allergy

and like obviously a very serious one surely he could have flagged I mean it's his own health if you're if you're allergic to nuts tell your girlfriend

when she's giving you a nut roast is there nuts in that nut roast no I don't think so there's nothing on the back alright Grant seconds please

I think the only way I'll get over it is if I get marched down the street and people peg rotten lettuce at me shouting shame and that will be

my penance just before we go obviously Ghosted Live is going to America we are in New York

and we are in Boston tickets are available at macarpusghostedme.com and I also have to say I am in Dubai on Friday so

if you're in Dubai in Dubai Opera with Spenny for our very last date of our tour in Dubai Opera and I can't wait I'm going to Dubai for like

I've got 48 hours in Dubai 48 hours let me go crack yeah let's see what I can't wait I'm going to Dubai for like I've got 48 hours in Dubai 48 hours let me go crack yeah let's see what I can get done then