My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I can't picture my future with anyone else."

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

This week... Is it Vogue or Joanne who occasionally turns up to a job and finds out they've also booked a 'hand model'? Plus, batch cooking, long-distance relationships and swimming in Lake Michigan.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello. Can you hear that train outside? Hi. Hi. Hello. Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Dara McNaughty and me, Bo Williams. Me Boag Williams If you come back here This house is your

Me casa, Sue casa You own my room Me bed, me bed If I come home And you're already staying In my house and hoath You can kick me out There you go

That's a real thing That's what we want I just read this thing If anyone tries to get into our bed, I will fucking kick off. John, there's not a hope in hell he's coming anywhere near our sheets. No.

Disgusting. You're in the den in the back, you pig. Did you see Spenno's post? This is when I knew I was turning into a comedian, but I don't have comedic rights. So it's very, it's very, comedians are very snobby.

There's a lot of people working as comics that other comedians don't believe are entitled to be doing so. They're like, they didn't do their time in the clubs. They didn't do their time. But sometimes I believe I can get away with a remark when actually I need to put myself back in the box

of I am not a comedian. I can't it so he did a lovely post there is no lane fat enough to keep you in it there is no end to your abilities and talents there is no lane I'll tell you what happens your line go on Spenny did an amazing post the other night I don't know if you saw it it was about that every day he's getting women are commenting on his appearance and being like are you okay like la la la all these kind of things and like he was like i'm fed up of it like this is the best i've ever felt i'm really healthy nobody had all these comments when i was like um an alcohol an overweight alcoholic blah blah blah yeah and he'd written this, all this. That's actually really funny.

But he'd written this whole lovely post, and I was like, that's such a nice post. And it was like, and all these women just asking me if I'm okay. And I was like, oh my God, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. All I wanted to write underneath it was, are you okay?

Are you okay, hon? That's funny. And I couldn't I couldn't No But you know why He's getting so much abuse You could Why?

Because No because I have a real soft spot for him I feel When he does a post like that It's coming from An authentic place I think he is

Quite hurt That he's getting All these comments About his appearance But the reason he is Is because You've opened him up to that Ultimately it is your fault You've opened him up to that.

Ultimately, it is your fault. You've made him the butt of so many of your jokes that now everyone else is piling on. You've now put yourself to blame. I don't want their anger redirected at me. Thank you very much. So you will take that back immediately. We don't deal with accountability with that joke. I thought you were going to say,

he's getting all these comments because he hasn't been spending enough time with Dr. Ewan. I was going to agree with you. No. Listen, you know, I am a big fan of the slimy cereal killer look. Like it's literally my chef's kiss. That's my, that's my most.

His body has never looked better. And I'm surprised he's getting that many comments. But I mean, you have to agree with Natasha. It's a bit frightening for me. Natasha is a bit frightening. So just to flag, there's some traffic noise coming. But I mean, you have to agree with Natasha. It's a bit frightening for me. Natasha's a bit frightening. Sorry, just to flag, there's some traffic noise coming in because

I'm in Chicago and the hotel, the Wi-Fi in the hotel isn't good. So I've opened the windows to let it in. So I said, before you came on,

I was saying to Joe, I was like, what is that noise? And I was like, it's the Wi-Fi coming in through the window, if you must know. Is that coming up

from Lake Michigan as you were calling it earlier? Michigans. Yeah, it's coming up Through the window If you must know Is that coming up From Lake Michigan As you were calling it earlier Michigans Yeah it's coming up From the Lake Michigans Which is just to the right there By the silver bean I swam in that lake

Are you sure That just wasn't the pool In your family home and house No I gave the song I'm not giving the pool Neil's too tight To bring on all days

He's like yes folks We're in Lake Michigan Keep going babe Keep paddling away there When you're older Tell your mates Did you swim in Lake Michigan? Michigan

I did swim in Lake Michigan I told you I was a Chicago native For three Three or four weeks One year Oh of course

Yes yes yes I forgot about Yeah Forgot about the time You lived in Chicago For three days Yeah Oh there it is I did We lived in the time you lived in Chicago for three days. Yeah.

Oh, there it is. I did. We lived in the, see Wi-Fi coming in. I like that noise. It brings a nice ambience. Doesn't it? I'm walking here.

I'm walking, I'm walking or working, Jo? I'm walking here. I'm walking, I'm walking here. Yeah, I'm walking here. Yeah. I just had to listen for a noise there.

My auntie Naomi is up here because she gladly she kindly picked her up from the airport and she and she's like I'm like I'm just doing a podcast now I think she's in there playing the kids piano

I'm not I'm not even joking she's like now it seems like a really good time she's meant to be doing her French homework sound is the most important part of the whole thing but now it seems like a good time to bang out an old tune she told me she was going in there

to do her French homework that woman has been doing French lessons for 15 years I said to her today have you improved nope it's very hard unless you're on the ground no you have to be Living over there It's why

When I was living in Chicago I came home With a Chicago accent I would believe that Sign of a music Oh there it is Coming in Look

Here's the wifi Can you hear it It's a long one It's a long bit of wifi There we are Here I want to ask you About something Eva Mendez

Eva Mendez What do you call her Eva She just goes We had a non-verbal agreement that I would be a stay-at-home mum. Did you read that? Just staying at home,

getting railed by Ryan Gosling every day. Jesus Christ. Sorry now, Jo. Sorry, Jo. Sorry if you're not able to handle my female sexuality. It's not my problem. I agree with her.

I think that sounds like a fantastic life to have. I'd just lie there and be like a fantastic life to have, really. I'd just lie there and be like, when are you back? Yeah. Yeah, when are you back? When are you coming back, Ken? Yum. I'm ready.

I'd even wear nice knickers every day. Same, same. I would, yeah. Wink, wink. There'd be no period. There'd be no period kn'd be no no period knickers that you just couldn't bear to throw away

it's fine they'll be fine nothing grey in that wardrobe yeah I mean it's Eva Mendes I'd say she just kind of menstruates

glitter it's kind of sexiness yeah she's not I was gonna say she's very glowy we tried to send her some bare by vote

glow stuff and she doesn't need it she just is a glow no did you try did you try jeez I almost sent her a metallic bag

did you send her she won't want anything she's Eva has the life that we all want to be living can you imagine being at home when she's two kids so that's like at a level

that you can handle I'd say she definitely has a cleaner probably a housekeeper and then Ryan Gosling just comes home and then when she wants me time he's gone away in a movie set making her millions of dollars thrilled yeah she's like put on your roller skates I'm done with you now and just pushes him out the door off he goes weee back into town hey Vogue and Joanne

I feel like there's a conversation to be had about the man baby phenomenon how do they exist how do they sustain themselves how do they function day to day why do we keep

having sex with them oh I met a guy after chatting on the apps for a bit one eventful but enjoyable date passed

no flags on the second date I dropped the act that I wasn enjoyable date passed. No flags. On the second date I dropped the act that I wasn't going home with him. I 100% was because he had huge sexy hands.

It's a thing. Well I have huge sexy hands as well thank you very much. No Vogue you just have huge hands. There's a huge

huge difference. Your hands make no sense. Stop waving them around. It's disgusting. Go on. They're taking up the whole screen. Imagine when I dance at raves. I just block the DJ for everyone.

You must know. I mean, you've never been offered a hand collab. You know that in yourself. In your heart of hearts, you know there's a reason for that. Joanne, not even that. When I have gone to do certain ads right i'm not joking you they have had a hand model there so it wouldn't be my hands in the show are you joking yeah no i'm serious well i think that's because hand modeling is like its

own thing it's like its own genre of modeling but that is also insulting to you yes i wasn't really that insulted because i kind of got it you know what i mean yeah it's obvious i'm surprised i haven't gotten someone in with a smaller mouth thank god even your wedding photos the close-ups of the ring it's someone else spence is like someone else's hand for the close-ups please especially my wedding photos yeah spence is like we can't use our real hands in the first wedding this is the problem in the someone else's hand for the cloud subs please especially my wedding photos yeah Spencer's like we can't use our real hands in the first wedding

this is the problem in the first wedding we used the real hands and they basically we ruined all the pictures so we couldn't actually use the pictures because my hands

just took up the whole shot so the second time round we decided to go with a hand model even the photographer is like I have all the Photoshop apps but even they

can't handle this. They just collapsed. I must show you the wedding pictures of Sveni and I in Scotland. We had this lovely lady who was, I don't know,

what's it called, officiating, who was marrying us, basically. But she had this huge, big mop of curly hair in every single picture.

All you could see, like, behind my head was this big outline of curly hair. In every single picture, all you could see, like behind my head, was this big outline of curly hair. And there was nothing we could do about it. Like they were all there. But the photographer didn't think to say, like, all of your pictures are just going to have this lump of hair in them.

And now we've just got hair pictures. A different type of bride now would have asked her to shave her head. I've read stories. I was a pregnant bride. I'd already fucked up, so it didn't matter. Yeah, you're like,

let's just get this done. Quickly sign the papers. Deliver it. Okay, please, back to the emails. Sorry. He was absolutely... He probably could get himself out of the marriage

if he wanted to. He'd had half a bottle of whiskey before the wedding. He was really bad that day. There was no consent there, but let's not focus on that. You're bad to a multimillionaire. Say nothing. Everyone look, nothing to see here

everyone look ahead stop looking over here keep smiling keep fucking smiling mom smile mom you're like roofying your own husband

at the wedding just in case he comes to and realises what's happened he did get a fright when he gave up the booze it wasn't the booze fright he got a fright when he saw me and booze it wasn't the booze fright he got a fright when he saw me

and I was still there he was like what the fuck oh well it is what it is night time activities took place and they were as average

as any first time roll around to the morning and he's up at 6am for work great I politely followed him downstairs and watch him eat a disgusting bacon roll he offered me nothing oh my god that is so rude that is so rude but wait to hear this then his mother let herself in with his lunch box for work oh my god she gave it to him kissed him on the lips and then left like he was a little

school boy this was a man in his early 40s with an actual job we haven't seen each other since it was a mutual ghosting lord let the next one be a real adult now i haven't had now i can't really call spenny a man baby because he just gets other people to do stuff for him like not necessarily his mom he'll just pay away the problem he's just resourceful really I guess and willing to delegate he's a delegator sorry your mom making your lunch

for work it's not even a special picnic event it's just like the day that's just like the normal day to day behavior that is your mom sending you to work with a cheese drink get a life event. It's just like the day, that's just like the normal day-to-day behaviour. That is gross. Your mom's sending you to work with a cheese drink. Get a life fucking loser. She might as well

just ripped her brow off and fucking breastfed him in front of his one night stand. Disgusting. In that situation, rightly or wrongly, I do feel the mother has a role to play there as well. Like there comes a stage

where surely you have to say you need to fend for yourself here. I would say that's mostly down to the mother. Like I was only, I was talking to Sven about this recently and Alexander has friends, right? And he's one friend who's so lovely, but like the friend moved to London

and like when he went home, like eight months later, his mom was like, have you washed this towel? Like he didn't even know that you had to wash a towel. So he'd been using the towel after every shower I just thought because he was clean the towel was clean it's like how did you not teach him that hold on that's actually that's actually that's actually

not a bad take on it Joanne's gonna only wash your towel every three weeks now that actually makes complete sense to me if I'm clean what's what's the problem? That's the cleanest I'm ever going to be throughout the day. That's actually a really good angle. You don't get rid of all the particles. You don't get rid of all the particles. This is really... This guy's ahead of his time.

Who is he? My mum, Todd Alexander. I think me and him could be really happy together Hey what perfume are you wearing? Eau de Damp Like it just seemed rotten Smell of crust Oh that'll be me

Yeah There's a smell like old dust Me Me But that makes sense Anyway look Trust me. Me. But that makes sense. Anyway, look. My mum taught Alexander how to make a spaghetti bolognese, right?

And I kid you not, right? He was over, he was living over here down at my mum's house. And he was like, I'm off to make my food for the week. I was like, oh, cool. What are you making? He goes, spaghetti bolognese. And I was like, and what else? He was like, just spaghetti bolognese.

And I was like, so when do you eat it? He had spaghetti bolognese from Sunday lunchtime for every meal until Thursday. And it was lunch and dinner, spaghetti bolognese the whole time. And then he'd treat himself to a takeaway on Friday and then it was back to spaghetti bolognese. But that to me just screams consistency, which I think is a great thing to have. Like I would eat the same thing now over and over and over. Ah, so would I.

I don't see the point in spicing up your dinners like that. Like I'd be on Aldo's side there now. Yeah, but you'd eat a chicken salad for your whole life. Like that's all you'd eat that every day till the day you die. Look, I was very impressed before I came to America. I batch cooked a chicken sirfie, which is in the freezer now at home. And I keep thinking about it.

God, I'm very surprised. We're taking it back, Joanne. You have to let us know when you're going to say something like that. It's really, it's... I know. Sorry, I should have put a trigger warning on this joke. Joanne cooked! I was...

While I was doing it, I was like, what is this? What's happening? It's very therapeutic to cook. I love cooking. There's another brass going in here. I guess this is batch cooking. Is that what this is?

Dear Vogue, Joanne and Jo. Newish listener, love the pot. I'm having an internal crisis and I need some help. I'm 23 and my boyfriend and I of five years, we were together since we were 17, broke up six months ago. I moved abroad for one year for work and we broke up three months in. It wasn't so much the distance that came between us. It was more like we were on different paths. I was

living my new life abroad and he was stuck at home doing the same old. We were having problems before I moved away, fighting over silly things and just not being kind to each other. To be honest, I think we both needed time apart to deal with our own personal issues before we could be good to each other like we deserved. God, this is... Yeah, very grown up for... I'm a mature 23-year-old, isn't it? Wow.

Yeah. I'd be back here in his car even if I broke up with him. I'd be like, you'll suffer. But I loved and still love him so much and he was my best friend and I cannot picture my future with anyone else no matter how hard I try. I very much feel like it's a right person,

wrong time situation. Wow. So my problem is that I feel like I'm finding it hard to move on because I feel like in my head I'm thinking that we will eventually get back together once we are both okay, in inverted commas. I've kissed a fair few lads and done some extras.

Only slept with one guy. It was awful, of course. I want to move on, lads and done some extras. Only slept with one guy. It was awful. Of course. I want to move on but I also want to be with him. Please help. Well, hold on a sec. Let me just read. So,

you only broke up six months ago. That's nothing. I wouldn't be expecting to be any further along in your journey than that. You're actually quite far along, I think. And you seem to be very

emotionally intelligent and kind of self-aware. And you, like, that's very far along I think and you seem to be very emotionally intelligent and kind of self-aware and you like that's very impressive I think I think as well and not to sound condescending because of your age

but I think that like if like let's say for instance you were my child which could I have you could I have possibly

if you were my child yeah no I know I couldn't have had you she could be my child I was quite an early starter anyway humble brag over what age were you what age were you like 10 first year in school i was three months old whatever anyway anyway not to sound condescending for your age but let's say

you were my child what i would say to you is i think it would be really nice to go and like live a life outside of this person and what's nice to go and like live a life outside of this person and what's meant to be will always find a way and I think that when you're 23 you should really go and just enjoy yourself you're away now like I remember when I lived in Australia and I didn't enjoy myself and then when I went back with you Joanne I was like I absolutely love this place and I was kind of disappointed that I hadn't made more of an effort when I lived there last time to really enjoy it so wherever you are go enjoy it go out explore of course when you sleep with somebody for one night stand it's never going to be that great just keep trying yeah especially when you're

still in you're still connected to someone else that's the thing yeah sometimes the rebound thing you kind of force yourself you're like oh I need to get back I need to do this to you hope that the sex with someone else will break the connection with the previous person but sometimes it has the opposite effect it actually just makes you miss them more because you have this

because sex with no intimacy is a different experience to sex with intimacy so when you're when you're in love with someone the sex is different when you've sexed a stranger you're like oh my god

I've never felt so empty inside this is what I would say as well when you I had a breakup I've had loads of breakups. Two of them, I thought to myself, I will never recover from these. This will just be, I will just be damaged from this.

I will live my life and I will go on and survive, but I will always want to be with that person ultimately. And you know what? I don't anymore at all. It just takes time Everything heals It just does You just

I know time It's really It's really frustrating advice Because There's no shortcuts You just have to Go through it And be nice to yourself

Yeah be nice to yourself Because you're actually doing really well But be nice to yourself But just remember Really well Treat it Treat it as a new experience Go out

Enjoy Like you're 23 You're like You're not old and battered Like Joanne and I experience go out enjoy like you're 23 you're like you're not old and battered like Joanne and I so go and enjoy yourself exactly you're a life out of you

you know what I mean and you're also it's when you're away you can also get a bit homesick but you but you obviously had the sense

to know that you're a bit young to be in a relationship that serious because you're away and you're trying new experiences and stuff it's just time I guarantee I cannot say this enough I've been there I thought I'd never get over them I'm over both of them and sure I thought I'd marry all my ex-boyfriends and I only married a couple of them but I thought I'd marry all of them so you know I know she only married half of them yeah how stupid would I god my first boyfriend when he broke up with me every seven minutes I was convinced that getting pregnant with his child would be the

solution for the two of us because I was so now that's different you and this guy obviously you're like look what's wrong time right people wrong time I was like oh he's the right guy this is the right time I'm willing to

completely tie myself to this man for the eternity by having his child I can tell you now I'm pretty fucking glad I didn't

oh my god stop I know imagine me here in Chicago with a 14 year old. Where's Chicago? Chicago, do you mean?

Chicago, obviously, yeah. Where you used to live? Michigan. Everyone's asking for you here about. They're all like, where's Vogue? She used to live here. Oh my God, I know, yeah.

And with that, we are going to say goodbye to you. Thank you so much for listening to the bonus episode we will be back Amber's just staring at me now I'm frightened I don't know what I've done

I didn't get her vodka on the way home they didn't have any on the plane I'm dead I didn't get her a 200 fags and Judy Freed

fucking rage gentle plugging I'm on Taskmaster so when this starts Taskmaster will have started so check it out 9pm Channel 4 every Thursday

I'll have to tuck in a little plug as well Spenny and I are doing Dubai we're going there in April so please do join us