My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I dare you to get the ride, dressed like that."

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Your Halloween emails have started to come in and they are predictably hilarious! Plus, Britney's book and a musical interlude. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Boo Did I give you a fright You're just getting in the spirit You would You would give out Stink To me If I did that to you I I am

But you know Like You know the way I have this Nervous disposition Or whatever An overactive nervous system Whatever the fuck you want to call it I don't know what it is

I It's getting worse Like It's getting worse Anyone says hello to me Anyone says anything I like I jump out of my skin

It's horrible I hate it So I like I jump out of my skin it's horrible I hate it so I guess I'm just trying to share the pain thank you I hate to see you getting away with it your nervous system is like just so zen

and I did you just call me zen? no no no I absolutely did not I called your nervous system zen big huge difference I am not Zen And that's fine

I could like See you in a restaurant And you wouldn't have been Expecting to see me And I'd be like Hey how's it going Whereas even if I was Expecting to see you

And you went Do you want to I'd be like It's weird It's so weird I hate it I don't know what it is I tried to get it fixed

For a while I don't know I'll have to come back to it It's just It's not a great hate it I don't know what it is I tried to get it fixed For a while I don't know I'll have to come back to it It's just It's not a great way To live your life I would suggest therapy But I did therapy for ages

It's not about It's something physical In my fascia That's what the Inside scoopy bit's called In your fascia That's very nice Yeah

I was going to say your aura I need to have my fascia Your aura I need to have my fascia Scooped out So I'm just an empty vessel Inside And clean Sometimes

No reaction To anything I'm sick of it Sometimes when I'm hungover I wish that like When I'm really hungover Which doesn't Listen I'm back on

Cyber October But I want to take my brain out And wash it And just I feel like That would be so nice And helpful Yeah That's a really good way

Of looking at it Because sometimes my brain If I'm Not having a great time It'll split into two And it'll start like Talking to itself Whereas I speak to myself

All the time And that's Totally I enjoy that Like I talk to myself More than talk to anyone else Obviously Do you ever feel like Sometimes you're on the verge Of a panic attack So your brain Myself all the time And that's Totally I enjoy that Like I talk to myself More than talk to anyone else Obviously Do you ever feel like

Sometimes you're on the verge Of a panic attack So your brain Starts talking to itself In a kind of a hostile way Or it splits into two Or there's three Voices in your head

Whatever And It's just part of being alive Sometimes Things You know Split But there was

Someone I must have said something About it somewhere And someone shared a meme With me where they were saying, if you're having a bad day, just remember a friend of mine went to a doctor and said

she had a voice in her head not understanding that it was around consciousness and thoughts. Did you see that? I thought I sent it to you. It's so funny. She didn't understand that, like, she could speak to herself and her own brain i thought that she was possessed or some shit that was kind of that'd

be kind of scary when you first realized that but apparently some people don't have an inner monologue they like i i must find out more about it yeah they don't they don't have an inner monologue they just get on with their business i remember when i first noticed i had tear ducts and I ran downstairs to my mom and I was like, I have to go to the doctor. I've got slits in my eyes. You know, your little tear ducts just there. And I was like, what are they? I'd say Sandra was like, I couldn't give a shit.

I literally, she didn't even hear me. She just, she just stared straight through me. She's like, I couldn't give you got a slice in your head. She's like, there's a sword, there's a machete through my brain. Sandra's like, get out of yourself

and go into Zara. I remember a girl in school used to blow bubbles out her eyes. Oh no. It was her party trick when we were in the yard in primary school.

We'd be like, do it again, do it again. And she'd really focus and kind of go into a state of mind And then she'd blow bubbles Out her eye ducts Like you just said

Like those little slits She'd blow bubbles out them Yeah yeah yeah You can put You can do anything If you put your mind to it Jo Eye bubbles Do it

I have I have found the whole Like Nose system Quite entertaining lately Because of the What's it called Sinusitis The nose system Should be lately because of the what's it called sinusitis

the nose system should be up for an award channel 4 I used to suffer really badly from nosebleeds and I still get them sometimes and like I'd wake up in the middle of the night

and like I just have like blood all over my bed because I've had a nosebleed in the middle of the night but like since I've had sinusitis it's like so I have to put these drops

down my nose and put my head back and it goes so quickly down your throat it's mental do you not's like So I have to put these drops Down my nose And put my head back And it goes so quickly Down your throat It's mental Yes Do you not remember the kids Who used to put spaghetti

Up one nostril And pull it down the other Those geniuses Oh my god It's grim The body's gas isn't it The body's absolutely a hoot A little gas

The sinus system Entertaining It's up there with Motherland As far as I'm concerned. I have been very entertained. I could watch it all day. I still have a touch of a swelling here

but amazing that like because of sinusitis my face started swelling and it started going up to my eye and stuff. Have I mentioned that I have sinusitis? No.

I'm sick. Your sinuses deserve a Netflix special. That's how entertaining they are. Let's pitch that. I have something to say. Oh, we're always in for that. Go on.

I've done a full 180 on Jada Pinkett-Smith. Joanne, I was kind of concerned about you the other day. Oh no, wait. I hope you've gone back to my way of thinking. No. Oh, for here we go. Okay. I'm telling you now.

Do you know what, right right So I was looking online You know the way I'm just kind of looking You know the way Everyone's monitoring The internet You were online Were you on TikTok

By any chance I'm on holidays Alan he's like If you fucking Pick that phone up One more time I'm working Alan It's my work device

I'm going to throw it Into the volcano I'm like I'm monitoring I'm monitoring I'm working Alan. It's my work device. I'm going to throw it into the volcano. I'm like I'm monitoring. I'm monitoring. I'm just monitoring the world. I'm monitoring as we all like to do.

Anyway I was enjoying all these memes by Jada Pinkett Smith because they are really funny. And then I was like hold on a second.

You're probably going to think I'm being but I was like it's starting to feel a little misogynistic like she's writing a memoir a memoir

it's part of a memoir is you a memoir is you talk about your life and what's going on in it that's what a memoir is

so I think just people have turned on Jada Pinkett Smith and they think she's doing will some sort of disservice because he's like

a good guy it's like they're in a marriage he's on the same Pinkett Smith and they think she's doing Will some sort of disservice because he's like a good guy it's like they're in a marriage he's on the same page as her and the reason I the reason the thing that cracked me the most because people were like

why are we hearing so much about her life because she's written a fucking memoir and she's promoting it now more than we heard about Matt Perry when he was slagging off Keanu

they write memoirs Brittany had an abortion with Justin they write memoirs I know but anyway I was thoroughly enjoying one of the memes about Jada Pinkett Smith because it was quite funny. And it was this guy talking about, he's like, the world's ending.

And then Jada walks out of her wardrobe and she's like, me and Will have been separated for seven years. And it was really, really funny. And I was laughing. And then at the end, he called her a bald bitch. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know. That's too far. So I unliked it because I'd already liked it And then at the end, he called her a bald bitch. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know. That's too far. So I unliked her because I'd already liked her before I finished the end.

And I was like, this is misogyny. That's not funny. Okay, this is what I'm just going to tell you about Jada Rice. This is from me. Have you been on to her? I was talking to her yesterday, yeah. I just find her as a person when I see things about her in the press. And she might not be like this at all because it might just be the press creating this image of her I find her a bit self-serving like

she's just she Jada loves talking about Jada as far as I know even when she does her red table she always like there's always like like I could be dying and Jada could turn that story into something about herself she's kind of that person to me you know I mean what I will say in defense of my good pal Jada Pinkett Smith Show me a person in Hollywood Who isn't exactly like Sorry Sorry Sorry

Show me a person in Dundrum Town Centre Who isn't exactly like that Everyone is self-serving That's the God's honest truth You don't even need to be Like Drank your own Kool-Aid

Like the Smiths have To be self-serving Because she's going out With someone of Will Smith's calibre And she has kind of left him that people are not

okay with that and Will has presented as this really sound person and everyone thinks he's an angel we don't know what the fuck is going on back there

nobody nobody is an angel and also I heard a great quote Joanne you can love somebody but it doesn't mean you have to like them

all the time isn't that good is this about Gigi i sent it straight to spencer i know she's so kind i just yeah no i know shit's complicated life is complicated shit is complicated but if but if you put stuff out you have to expect some stuff to come back like that's why like even when i went like not me obviously when spencer said stuff that i wish he hadn't said about us and it comes back and i'm like oh god i wish you just hadn't said that and now it's just like you can't just like just don't be like i don't know

i just started to notice when i was on tiktok for 62 hours a day the the Auntie Jada Pinkett Smith rhetoric is so intense and people people are like why is she telling us this like I don't need to know it's like

she's written a memoir that is literally what memoirs are and don't read it if you don't want to know about it you're reading it this is what I decided it's misogyny

whereas when Brittany announces she had an abortion with Justin everyone's like going back to her videos being like she tried to communicate it For years

Poor Britney etc Because people love Britney And people have really turned On Jada Pinkett Smith I will tell you though I am very excited About Britney's memo He absolutely shafted her

On the Cry Me A River video He had an actress Dress up exactly like her And suggested that Britney had cheated on him And She had this abortion That she's saying

She didn't really want to have But what else She said Well she's kind of suggested that he cheated on her with Nicole Appleton from All Saints. Did you see that? Well, I just saw she said that he cheated on her and that she's not going to mention the woman because the woman has kids and she doesn't want to embarrass her.

Supposedly everyone's linked it back to Nicole Appleton. So I never told you about my obsession with Justin Timberlake, did I not? So I used to love him so much. I used to listen to all his music all the time, NSYNC, everything. And then he came to Dublin, I think for two or three nights. I went to the concert every night in a row. And then because I thought, remember, there was a nightclub in Dublin called Lily's Bordello. And it's where all the famous people went.

And I had decided Justin Timberlake was going to be going to Lily's Bordello after his gig. So I rang up and pretended to be going to Lily's Bordello after his gig so I rang up and pretended to be an Irish radio presenter Gerry Ryan I pretended to be his daughter the man

oh sorry I pretended to be his well it would have passed for the man as well indeed I pretended you're definitely not as masculine

as we have presented you to be but it always makes me enjoy it off so keep going I rang him alright lads alright surprise Definitely not as masculine as we've presented you to be, but it always makes me enjoy laughs, so keep going. I rang them. All right, lads.

All right, surprise. Surprise. Surprise. I rang them and I said, I'm Gerry Ryan's daughter. Can I, I need to go into the club tomorrow night. And they let me in and Justin never showed up. So that's how obsessed I was. I was just trying to hunt him down.

He was too busy demanding Brittany have an abortion. That's where he was. Oh, I mean, oh oh god it's such a day like I mean it's so bad but I really I'm gonna pre-order the book I am I'm gonna do it oh it this is I mean there isn't there isn't a sinner won't be reading this book did you ever see his face when uh she kissed Madonna at the and I know I'm bringing up Madonna again But I can't help it Of course I went to see her again I went to see her again

I know I saw it Yeah he He was absolutely raging When she did that And then like That was after the Crimea River

And everything like that She kept her mouth Completely shut When they broke up She did So this is We've spoken about this Before Vogue

Where these memoirs They do fascinate me Because Like It's You are bringing You are bringing a lot of people down You're bringing a lot of people down

You have to do it though If you're gonna Yeah you have to do that Yeah if you're gonna do a memoir I'd be fucking scared of that I'd be shitting I don't know what she's gonna say about us Valk She'd be very scared

Joanne you should be really nervous actually You should be shitting yourself After that After that night you had with her I know what you did to to say about us, Valk. She'd be very scared. Joanne, you should be really nervous, actually. You should be shitting yourself. After that night you had with her. I know what you did to her. After that night you had with her, you were in big trouble. Oh, wow. After you went yachting with Brittany,

I mean... Those long lenses tell a story, don't they, Valk? Indeed they do. The problem with abortion is, I mean, what a way to start a sentence, but sometimes when two people decide to have one together one person in hindsight will feel like they were pressured into it forced

into it yeah yeah and the other person with their memory will serve them differently and they're like what i thought we agreed together which is what justin's saying whereas britney is it it has fermented for years and she's processing it and she's like well actually I would have kept it and it doesn't paint him in a great light but his memory is saying hold on a second I thought it was a joint decision

because memories are murky and life is messy well if he thought it was a joint decision that's him saying that as well at the time of her life she had just released her for a single

and she was like she had like grown herself from a child to want to be this huge persona so maybe at the time it probably didn't feel right for her we will actually never know

and I don't think Justin will ever snap back because he won't be stupid enough to do that okay so we've got lots of Halloween emails because we did ask for them Joanne

but we are going to go deep dive Halloween next week because I have a of Halloween emails Because we did ask For them Joanne But we are going to go Deep dive Halloween Next week because Of a few Halloween It's Halloween Yes It is Halloween Boo

I'm off to Dunn's today To go and like Raid the decoration department I can't wait And Woody's Because I'm in Ireland It's a bit late in the day For you

Listen I know I'm really stressed about it I'm going to get them up there It's only going to be Five days of decorations But they're going to be Magnificent Magnificent Quick Halloween story I went as a slutty devil dressed about it. I'm going to get them up there. It's only going to be five days of decorations but they're going to be magnificent.

Quick Halloween story. I went as a slutty devil. We've all been there. I've actually been one. Have you ever been a slutty devil? A slutty devil? What does that look like? Where are the horns? What's happening? I wore a little leotard and red tights and then just had two little horns on my face with the most glamorous makeup you've ever seen on a bouncy blow dryer.

Oh yeah. Beep beep for Halloween. Let's do this. Let's go. My dad nearly had a heart attack. I was dating this fella and he was dressed as Ali G. Matched his stoner vibe quite well. We were at a friend's party

and we got way too drunk. Ended up riding in the bathroom and the little sister of the guy throwing the party walked in. Oh no. She had eaten too many sweets and got sick in the toilet beside us while we were frozen in shock.

Him still inside me. Jesus. Not the type of spooks you'd usually get on Halloween, but oh well. Oh wow. That reminds me... That reminds me of a story. Please share with the group here we go

spenny and i really went to town one halloween and like i dressed up as voldemort so i had like paper mache all over my face to like make my nose disappear and stuff like that and spenny dressed up as doroth maul so he was like all red and black and like had loads of horns all over his face and then we actually kind of got a little bit horny and because I am a neat freak, horny, that's really weird to say.

Well, yeah, horny. What are aroused? We got horny. Yeah. And anyway, I wasn't going near my white sheets with our face stuff. Popping candy in the knickers.

Fizzing. What else do you want to say? We're ready. Throwing those snaps on the ground Go on So actually we ended up Having to get in the shower And just like Had all this shit

Running down our face And trying to ride in the shower Which is like difficult At any time But like just like Especially with the paper mash I know I'd say you fucking

Blocked the thing Did you? No it was very clean It was very tidy And it was very short But there you go That was my Halloween Riding story

But Voldemort and Darth Maul Have burned Voldemort and Darth Maul Have had sex No way I saw it I'm going to Be completely transparent

I don't know who Those people are Voldemort Google Voldemort He's in Harry Potter Is he a DJ? He's in Harry Potter Is he a DJ He's in Harry Potter How do you not know those people

Do you know why Because I still I haven't I didn't I didn't go down The Harry Potter Road And have not yet done it

So I don't know Now the name would be familiar But I wouldn't know I wouldn't know I wouldn't know straight away that he was in that thing he's a very good very good character

he's in that show do you want to do another email? yeah hi Joanne, Vogue and Jo please keep me anonymous as I feel like this hasn't happened to very many people I'm fucking really excited now

after hearing you on some Halloween stories I thought this was fitting Halloween is big in Ireland but I don't live there anymore so boo where I live now Halloween isn was fitting. Halloween is big in Ireland but I don't live there anymore, so boo. Where I live now, Halloween isn't as big as it is in Ireland. Anyway,

I don't let the lack of Halloween stop me from bringing my Halloween-obsessed self. My favourite movie is The Exorcist, so who else would I go as than a possessed Regan McNeil? I've gone as her before. The Exorcist girl. More paper mache. I didn't know you were

So into Halloween I only want to be Really scary people And I actually was Frightened of myself When I went to her And I had yellow eyes And everything

And I like mushed food On my clothes So it looked like I'd been throwing up On myself Like she does In The Exorcist You know that she

Broke her back During that film That scene It is so scary That movie She broke her back So they were She was thrashing around

I think this is the one Because I was looking up like You know weird Kind of facts about Halloween films And she was thrashing around so much But it was being Rown by a machine She wasn't doing it herself

And she had spinal injuries after it Oh my god Did you hear loads of people Did you Google that Joe Is that true That's true mate Yeah And loads of people

died on the set of that movie like loads of mad shit went on because it was just cursed yeah after hours

of makeup I'm so sorry after hours of makeup we were ready to head out we got the bus to town A few questions that I need to know

Do You can never hurt me so That Halloween banger I need to know What I've done wrong And how long it's been going on Go on Sorry

I keep searching Whatever the words are I'm in a daze. I feel isolated. Don't wanna hide. I know that better than the National Anthem. Like that was, you grow up,

you're like, give me those parachute pants. Let's go. Right for the day. I wanted to do that. Let's dress up as them for Halloween. We'd look deadly. I'd love that.

We'd look amazing Joanne Joanne and I Are setting up Don't bother You Nicky Joanne and I Are setting up a shoot Sorry

Joanne and I Are setting up a photo shoot And I did it again Joanne We're setting up a photo shoot For our pod Pictures And I was at the

I was with the photographer Yes I am Buster My makeup artist And I was like Now guys Jo with the photographer Yesterday and Buster my makeup artist And I was like Now guys Do you want I want to do a shoot

But we don't want it To be sexy And as soon as I said it I was like No The lads are like So me and Vogue

Have an issue With the photos That are That are promo photos At the moment We just feel like It doesn't really represent It's just a bit too

Sticky or groomed Or something Like Una our director Was very clear when she said, you look like frigid aunts, which is. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. But I just keep doing that. And we don't feel it represents.

But Bo keeps telling everyone, we just don't want to be in for photo shoots. We just don't. Please, guys, if you could just hold back on not making us sexy. I know that we just exude sexiness But like Put back on your paper mache nose Something to consider

You could be my Darth Maul And I'll be the exorcist Okay now back to this girl Okay After hours of makeup We were ready to head out We got the bus to town And obviously had a lot of stairs

And people But fuck it We were having fun We decided to play Truth or bus to town and obviously had a lot of stairs and people, but fuck it, we were having fun. We decided to play Truth or Dare. I love that game. It's part of Halloween fun. And one of the girls said, I dare you to get the ride

dressed like that. Challenge accepted. I ended up finding a weirdo who was obsessed with the Exorcist movie and lo and behold, we rode over an open well behind my apartment. I won Halloween that year.

That creates a lot of Safety issues for me I'd hate to fall down a well Jesus Christ Did you have insurance That's a Oh I tell you I feel bad

I wouldn't even ride over A closed well What does that say about me I wouldn't want to be Anywhere near a well Also It's not going to be hard To get a lad to ride you

Dressed as your one Like you'd get ridden If you were dressed as the Like What's the I'm trying to think Of the ugliest Film character Penguin

The penguin From Halloween If you were dressed As the penguin You'd find some Lad to ride you Do you even look At the face Jo

Do you even look Do you even look At the face Do you even look Or is it just Scanning the hells Absolutely revolting Before we go Jogue

Jogue That's great Oh no we forgot you then No you're in there Joe and Joe Joe Actually I was Because I was looking at Joe

Before we go A quick reminder Me and Vogue Are going to Australia We're going to be in Brisbane Sydney Perth

Sydney again Melbourne Melbourne And Sydney again And we'd love to see you there Sydney Sydney Sydney

Two of the Sydneys are sold out But there's tickets for all the other shows Yeah So please come and see us It's going to be so much fun I can't wait We're going to be in Australia For November

We're very excited we'd love to see you