My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I decided to dress up as a Dementor..."

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Joanne and Vogue finally got round to your Halloween emails... And here they are on the 1st of November, in true Ghosted fashion. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and... Joanne McNally. Ooh, it's a Halloween episode. I've arrived at my mum's house today with two bags of washing I go home tomorrow and she's like why are these here

I was like mom I can't I can't explain it I just I feel I have to get it done yeah what a loser

no do you know what it is I find myself that when you're travelling washing your clothes is actually very therapeutic because it gives you

that bit of you feel a little bit earthed when you wash your clothes but yeah it's a pain in the ass like I'm like I'd be

like you're going to be washing your knickers in the sink and all that's what that's what it is I'm going to bring away like a little a little like

sachet of gels oh yeah we'll go to the laundromat like the Americans do. I'd love that. Trips the laundromat. That is like, that will be my tourist destination

in Australia. We'll go to the laundromats. They have great laundromats in Australia. And they're digital. You just tap and they spin around. Cute little pictures. Cute little pictures.

Get cute little pictures there. Bring some roller skates. Do some old school shots. Yeah, exactly. It's, well, it's, I mean, it kind of, it's a nicer idea. It's just full of kind of backpackers and all yeah exactly well it's I mean it kind of it's a nicer idea it's just full of

kind of backpackers and all do you know what I mean but like oh I forgot Australia is the home of backpackers I never did that

you did I did I didn't even have there was no backpack involved I had a wheelie suitcase like the term backpacking

you know I was a flashbacker as we say I got a job in an office and had an apartment. Whose kids are screaming? I'm sorry. I asked them to leave at 10 and they're still here. I don't know why.

I'll tell you one thing. Those kids have been sleeping until 8am. I know it's only 7am at home, but I don't care. It feels like I've won awards. You know yourself, I have never gotten more sleep in at home but I don't care it feels like I've won awards you know yourself I have never gotten more sleep in my life since I've been in Spain

so what did you two do last night because you were texting at 12 o'clock I thought we were going to I thought we were going to I was waiting for one of you to cancel the pod

no no no no no no no we had a bit of a Alan and I are still on holidays Alan's actually he's actually asleep there behind me because it's a bit early to kick him out are still on holidays Alan's he's actually asleep there behind me

because it's a bit early to kick him out of the room but it's so funny like he's such a testing testing no he's not moving it's one of the it's bathrooms

you know these kind of like just like a frosted glass in front of the toilet oh god yeah but anyway it actually worked out well for me because I know

that Alan's been using my Redken shampoo which is expensive right and he's denied it but I can smell it on his fucking hair anyway

he's like no no no it happened he's denied it so you know how much trouble he'll be in I was like

your hair has never looked so good have you been using my Redken anyway he went to have a shower last night and I

because of the frosted glass I watched and I saw his the frosted glass I watched and I saw his little snaky body bend down because I knew where the reckon was and squeeze it in

and I knew it I burst in I knew it and he's like ahhh shower caught him red handed

Joanne can I say one thing you sound like grey crotch going holidays with you're not allowed you're not allowed to talk to her at the breakfast table. And don't touch her shit. I have this, I have very strange control issues around product.

I don't know why. You do. I don't know what's about. I'm like a little squirrel with my products. It's terrible. And I'm a very giving person. I can be quite what's about. I'm like a little squirrel with my products. It's terrible. And I'm a very giving person. I can be quite caring at times and very affectionate and kind,

I would like to say. But when it comes to my products, don't touch them. It's like me and chargers. I can't. And Joanne has this disease and she's done it to Una. I'm sure she's done it to you, Jo,

where she just, she doesn't even she just looks at a charger and it falls into her bag into my bag she goes home you must have hundreds of chargers in your house

and like chargey phony chargey phonyitis I call it I have a very bad case I can't stop stealing chargers she's like I've no battery left

can I borrow your charger I'm literally like I'd rather I don't care if you've no battery I'm not giving it to you Una our director I didn't realise that they've got a battery I'm not giving it to you Una our director I didn't realise that they were like

in cahoots about my charger issue because I asked Una I think for a lender her charger in Vogue's house once and the two of them burst out laughing

and I was like excuse me what's this in joke that I know nothing about I know yeah you can never have enough chargers doesn't matter

if they're anyone else's just pack them up and go but I'm telling you what, having a, there's that fast charger, I never really understood it. I don't know why there's anything except the fast charger.

But I forgot my charger and the hotel gave me like a normal charger. Honestly, they are crap. I don't know if I ever lived. Do you know what I, you got me onto those Apple charger packs. Is that the thing you're talking about?

You had this, a white thing on the back of her phone. I was like, what's that? And she was like, oh, it's those Apple charger packs Is that the thing You're talking about You had this A white thing On the back of her phone And I was like What's that And she was like Oh it's an Apple charger Anyway I bought it

It's not Like no offence to Apple I'm sure they I think they're doing okay So I don't like The Miami slug It's not good Sorry Apple

It's if you're in desperate If you're in desperate need It's not bad Because you can pop it On the back And it's not cheap It's not cheap it on the back and it's not cheap it's not cheap I got Spenny to buy that for me too

I got him to buy my AirPods and I got him to buy that because I refused to spend the money on it I know and Vogue they're like 180 quid Vogue kept pod shaming me going come on Jemima would you not just get the Apple AirPods

come on because I was like you know 20 quid here 40 quid there like buying the kind of imitation ones and I was like God she's probably right so I went in to buy them I said Vogue do you know they're 300 quid here 40 quid there like buying the kind of imitation ones and I was like god she's probably right so I went in to buy them I said folk do you know they're 300 quid she was

like what I said 300 euro and she goes oh my god I was like how did you she goes oh god Spencer bought them for me I didn't buy them I was like oh yeah I there's certain things I won't spend the money on but I really want them so I just just like rope spending it to get them. Back to that Apple charger, when I was at Madonna with Brian. Yeah, not good. One star. But I was at Madonna with Brian, our friend, and he was sitting beside me and he was like,

oh, my phone's out of battery. He's from Kenmare, so I just can't stop with the accents. He'll be delighted to hear himself mimicked like that. Why don't you just defend the whole of Kerry in less than seven minutes? But I handed him my 180 pound apple phone charger and he looked and he goes thanks but don't worry i have one of my own

at home i was like i'm not offering it to you would you like to use the charge on it you're like i'm not that generous no way he's like i will take the car though okay and his car keys gone more airpod shot i tracked down my missing remember i remember one of the one of the packs it was still i i did track my airpods whatever it's called find my airpods and it was still they're still in shepherd's bush. So I'd rung the hotel being like, I left them in the hotel room and they were like,

we'll check, but I never heard back so we assumed they weren't there. I rang up, I said, my AirPods are beeping right in the middle

of that hotel. I said, put me onto housekeeping at once, please. Anyway, they found them. Stop. Yeah.

A whole, a whole pack of AirPods. The box and the two AirPods in them. The whole kitten caboodle. Oh my god, you must be thrilled. I'm absolutely delighted. It's one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

It feels like you've saved money when you haven't actually saved money. I've actually lost money. That's how I feel about sales though in a shop. If it's like 50% off it's like I didn't want it before it was 50% off but now that it's 50% off

I definitely want it I'm the same with flights they're like only two left at this price I'm like oh my god buy them both even though I only need one get them all

yeah I'm just panicking oh I saw this thing online yesterday where did I screen grab it sorry I'm pulling a complete Joan here. No offense taken. Oh, because, yeah.

She doesn't care. It was a message. Okay, it's called not tripophobia. Not tripphobia. No tripphobia. Oh, it's not the hand with all the towels in it, is it? No. Okay.

It's the fear of not having any futures trip trips currently booked and Spenny thinks that there's something wrong with me like I am thinking

of a trip to go on this time next year and I'm like you don't understand it's about the deals it's about the flight deals yeah yeah yeah

I need to book them to get the deals and it is that is there is no denying it the sooner you book a flight like they absolutely

run up the prices on those flights don't they especially because we have to stick to term times now with tea we can't just drag them out of school

even to save 50 quid on a flight doesn't seem like you I told them I told them this flight is 75 quid off if you think I'm not ripping them out of school

five days earlier dead wrong Theodore never read never learned how to read and write because folk was obsessed with getting him on cheaper flights two days a year in school he was saved for five grand I got a free upgrade what did you expect

you can learn to read when he's older exactly so I just got when he's older. Exactly. So I just got a Joanne's I'm going to call it. You know the way people mail me asking you

to ask me things. No people mail me asking me to ask you things. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I'm like you're basically your post office.

Yeah exactly. So I got one the other day for Patrick Hilty who is the host of the Late Late Show in Ireland and the mail was

hi Vogue please send this message on to Patrick Kielty that was it and then it was an actual message hi Patrick and this really

and this really long message that basically was asking me asking their child to go on the Late Late Toy Show. I'm like, do you know how many messages Patrick Hilty gets about the Late Late Toy Show? It's like, it would be, mine is just, and I would actually, you would be less inclined to get on it

if I passed the message on to him. I can only hear the words Toy Show in that voice. Do the voice, Joanne. Oh, Toy Show. Oh, the toy yeah smack my bitch with a prodigy

because the aim I was there to get ready for the toy show thank you I forgot about that okay Patrick Kielty

has 66,000 followers Vogue has a million but someone was like I'm going to bypass Patrick he's too busy and important Fogue Williams now she'll sort this for me she's got Fogue all going on

what does she actually do what does she do what does she actually do though I had a little snap back yesterday why do you even get dressed why do you bother you don't do anything

why do you even have a head she just walks around pretending to do stuff you don't do anything nothing I got a mail off someone yesterday and I snapped back

and she basically yesterday so I have to work when I'm on holidays like that's the joy of being able to go on holidays is unfortunately that I have to work

like I have to do the podcast I have to do some filming and stuff this woman that's the joy of being able to go on holidays is unfortunately that I have to work like I have to do the podcast I have to do some filming and stuff this woman mailed me I say do you ever take time away from your filming when you're around your children

and it's I'm seething yeah I wrote I wrote certainly do I'm a working mom

so today I had to work for three hours because I have podcasts and brand work your question is disappointing good girl yeah do you know what and it's like that thing with like with men Mom said today I had to work for three hours because I have podcasts and brand work. Your question is disappointing. Good girl.

Yeah. Do you know what? And it's like that thing with men where it's like, oh, look, he's, yeah, look at him. He's babysitting the kids. No, he's not. They're his kids.

He's not babysitting them. Why am I babysitting them? Joe's froze. Look at the way Joe's frozen. Oh my God. I got a photo quick John

John he's gone oh you froze in the best way you froze you froze like this oh my god

he she Joanne just made a weird jaw face I read this thing on Vice this morning about this man who has done

the most ecstasy tablets of anyone in the whole world I was going to send it to you about this man who has done the most ecstasy tablets of anyone in the whole world. I was going to send it to you. Professor Nutt, who I've been reading a lot of recently, was fired from the British government. Now, I don't know what he was doing in there. Who's Professor Nutt? I heard about Professor Nutt.

I was listening to John Robbins' podcast, How Do You Cope? Really good podcast. A lot of it, like, it's quite serious. Really good. Katie Piper's one was amazing her episode was brilliant anyway she's fab

Professor Nut he's big on he talks a lot about alcohol John's given up alcohol he's kind of reading a lot about it sorry what is this podcast I want to listen to it

John Robbins and Ellis James How Do You Cope you've great podcast recommendations well I met I worked with John and so he was telling me about the pod

and then I went to listen to it and I loved it I loved it love love love really good anyway he had this guy on Professor Nut

and Professor Nut is scientist Professor Nut David Nut scientist David Nut memorably said sorry

you know you know I love reading this will be Theodore now in a couple of years. Theodore already reads like that. With his cheap flights, doesn't he? Scientist David Nutt

memorably said, alcohol is more dangerous than crack. He was the guy who was fired from the UK government for saying that ecstasy was less damaging

than alcohol. And they're like, you can't say that. And he goes, but it's true. It's like, it doesn't matter. You can't say it. Why can't you say it? But it is true.

Because it's just not the message that they want to be sending out. But it's true. Yeah, alcohol and cigarettes are the biggest killer. So this man took 40,000 ecstasy pills, right? Over his lifetime. He began taking them when he was 21 eventually at

his peak he was doing 25 pills a day and like so when he stopped he was still high for a few months he was still high because he had so much ecstasy in his body he had a ton of vision hallucinations paranoia he couldn't even open his jaw because it was so painful because he'd obviously been chewing the jaw off himself. He couldn't remember day to day things. Yeah. And they had to like get him take, try and like take him off these. But like, he was just like, he had no memory for like for a month and stuff because I mean,

who the fuck has taken 25 days? Oh my God. That actually makes me feel a bit sick. He couldn't have been like a functioning person in society. Otherwise he was just going around hugging everyone. That's a lot of techno. And he was just a really friendly man.

That's a lot of techno music. That feels like a drum and bass level of pills, to be honest with you. Oh, Jesus. That sounds like scald-y techno. Like, you know,

kind of sounds like a dolphin's getting assaulted. You know, that kind of techno. Meow! assaulted, you know, that kind of technique. Happy Halloween, Vogue. What day is it today? Happy yesterday, Halloween.

Joanne and I, as organized as ever, have let the Halloween ball drop. Let's blame Jo. A brief apology on behalf of myself. I was full of, this was like three weeks ago. I was all Halloweened out of it over in Canada. And I was just really feeling the Halloween vibe and wanted to do this whole week dedicated to Halloween. And then lost interest.

I've lost interest. I'm in Spain now. It's not very Halloween-y. No one cares about Halloween. I've turned my back on it completely. Well, I haven't, listeners, listeners by the way I am going home I'm decorating the house I told you I've got my blow up witch and stuff like that my brother has just sent me a picture

of his house decorated for Halloween so I'm furious because it looks so good I'm not happy for him I'm jealous and also I'm going trick or treating with the kids for the first time and I wonder if they give better sweets in London than they did in Ireland. But I used to go home

with a serious haul in Ireland. Oh, there was the worst ones where they gave you peanuts. They were like, peanuts. Oh, those monkey nuts and the oranges.

Yeah, go on, get out. Just don't open the door. Don't insult me with this shite. Yeah. What you want is, you want the fun-sized bars. That's what you want. And you want to put your own hand in the bowl. Yeah. What you want is, you want the fun-sized bars. That's what you want.

Yeah. And you want to put your own hand in the bowl. Yeah. And you want to take out your own amount. Yeah. No penny sweets, like little bags of Haribo, little like Mars,

little Snickers, like Freddo bars, acceptable, not the best treat, but we'll take them. They're pretty pricey. Are Freddo bars, what are they,

like a euro each? They're not cheap. I'd like a flump. If you're going all out there a dip dab. Have they got tricks lined up in case anyone puts them on the spot? It's a trick or a treat no? Yeah I was going to ask

you what they should really do then. Maybe tell some kind of a joke. My little clan friend tell us a joke that they can say. I've been secretly training Gigi to do the splits and she was three days old. So it's time that she showed you what she can do. No, Gigi's actually not talking to you. I forgot.

Sorry. Because I'm in love with the baby, the rainbow bride at the pool. Whatever. Keep your rainbow bride, kid. I don't care. I'm blocking you from my stories because I have loads of cute things of Gigi going up today. So I'm going to block you. They're not for your eyes. Okay, I've got a Halloween

email. Do you want to hear it? Sure. Well, of course you do because I'm not going to give you a choice. Hi Vogue and Joanne. My spookiest Halloween story is when I was a month out of a two-year relationship. I'm scared to read this because I think my stepdad's in the kitchen. I think Neil's in the kitchen.

Anyway, it's not me. It's someone else. I went to a Halloween party with the girls, feeling very tipsy and somewhat hot in my slutty pirate costume. I decided it was time for my first ever one night stand. At the very end of the night, morale was low, but I met this guy who was the total opposite of my usual type he seemed nice so I thought perfect you'll do great got back to his and we got down to business

well not really because he got nervous and the machinery wasn't working oh to which he then asked will we try anal to which I replied

I don't think you're good if you if you wanted to on one night stand my god you wouldn't get pregnant. Is that true, yeah? To which I replied,

I don't think you could if you wanted to. Went to sleep for a lovely hour and a half to which I was then awoken and told I would have to leave because he lived in digs and the old lady

he lived with would be up. I left my pirate hat there as a souvenir for him to reflect on himself and of the two of us were nothing to say to each other and a 30 minute walk to the bus stop. Oh god. After catching the 7am 155 back home filled with people going to work and me looking dragged through a hedge backwards dressed as a pirate, I made a solemn vow of celibacy. But not before I stopped off at my local pharmacy for the most humiliating morning-after pill run of my entire life.

Context for getting the morning-after pill, I didn't understand that. We didn't get there in the end, but like all good Irish Catholic schoolgirls, I still managed to convince myself I'm pregnant, even if I just kiss a boy. So I was being safe and paranoid. Anyways, one, two, skip a few.

Our anniversary is in December and he still has the pirate hat. What? And much to his disappointment, he still hasn't gotten any anal action. What a twist! What a twist. He did walk her

to the bus stop which was half an hour away. That's quite pleasant. I never get that. No. No. Ah, Joanne. They're like,

train that way, bus that way. Yeah. Yeah, but that's from London boys, you know. Rude, rude boys. Well, it's not really

a story about Halloween though, is it? It's really a story about anal. But still, happy to hear it. Well, I mean, we enjoy both. Let's be honest. We enjoy both.

And I would have thought if I was kind of to unpack that, he knew we couldn't get it up. So we suggested something he knew she wouldn't do and would try and get out of it that way. Do you know what I mean? So he's like, oh, what about anal? And she's going to be like, no, I'm not doing that. He's like, oh, well, that's all I want.

So I'm going gonna hit the hay yeah honestly you know what though some lads after having a big heavy night out in the booze that's like a completely

normal thing to happen and I love that he wasn't scarlet about it 100% the worst part is is if they're scarlet about it then you're like

oh god this is making it really awkward for me now the worst part is when they pretend it's not happening and you're like oh no

and they're like no no it'll be fine it'll get happening and you're like oh no and they're like no no it'll be fine it'll get there and you're like really? because I have to go back to London on Wednesday

so like how long are we talking here? One year my school held book week and we voted for it to be dedicated to Harry Potter

obviously and we all had to dress up as a character i know exactly who she is they are so scary i kind of wish i dressed up as that now anyway anyway i decided to dress up as a dementor the ones that suck the life out of you and my costume was pretty good i put a lot of effort into it so i thought i better use this to my advantage it's a very good dementor. That night I got back into my costume to try and scare people. Oh my god, I have something to add to this. Remind me of It.

My brother was going to be coming home from a scary movie so did you just remind me of It when I said remind me of It? It, as in like the clown? Yeah. Yeah. I meant after this

it that night I got back into the costume to try yeah it he said to remind you to try and scare people my brother was going to be coming home

from a scary movie so I decided I'd wait for him across the road and go running at him. He drove into the estate and I stood dead still at the side of the road staring at him. He was unnerved and

It's so funny. And slowly drove past our house. He circled back and rolled down the window to ask if I was the Dementor. Was I okay? As if someone would be okay dressed up like that. Nowhere near close to Halloween. I let out a big gasp and he drove off.

A gasp? He then, a gasp. What's a gasp? That's what the Dementor sees. They go. Oh, sorry. Okay, okay, okay. He then circled back again he would definitely die first

in a horror film so I decided so I decided I would stand dead pan in the centre of the road we were at a standoff he kept revving the car and flashing his lights, but I wouldn't...

What? And I read this. I don't remember any of this. It's so funny. He opened the window to shout at me, and I sprinted as fast as I could towards the car. He started to come for me, but I had to jump out of the way.

Anyway, imagine this flying towards you in the dead of night on a random September evening. That was very, very funny. Folk loved that. I enjoyed it too, but folk absolutely didn't. I just think

running towards the car so there's this town I think it's in Wales and there's this fella who dresses up like it the clown and he goes around

scaring people and they love it do you not remember no I'm thinking of the gimp what's your man there's a guy the Somerset gimp the Somerset gimp

do you not remember there was all that clown stuff going on in America? Do you remember people dressing up as killer clowns and going around and kind of freak people out and all?

Do you remember? I have to say. Yeah, people are really scared of clowns. I'm not that scared of a clown. They're strange creatures. There's a bit of a rebrand recently, like the Joker and all,

like all that kind of really weird, sad. Yeah, it creeps people out, I guess. It does creep people out. But I watched it as a child in my friend Sinead's house one Halloween. And I was terrified. Everyone floats down here. What's the kid's name?

Oh, stop. Johnny. Johnny. You're floating down here. And his little clown head coming out of the gutter and all. It's absolutely terrifying. It is. Like, even when I watch it back now, I'm like, that's still scary.

It's like Candyman. Really scary. I've got goosebumps. Yeah. I started watching The House of Usher, which is meant to be a scary film. Oh. Program. If you haven't watched The Haunting of Hill House, that is.

Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, my God. film programme if you haven't watched The Haunting of Hill House that is brilliant oh my god the Usher the House of Usher is meant to be like move on from that there was a move on

Bly Manor which was okay but the House of Usher is shite don't waste your time remember Blair Witch remember Blair Witch we didn't know

is it real is it real it was the first time we'd ever seen a film shot like that do you remember that Jo have you not seen the Blair Witch

Blair Witch Blair Witch Blair Witch what's it called I should have seen it in bits the Blair Witch Project I've not seen it all the way through

I don't like horror it's really good I'm a scary scaredy boy yeah there was a girl on the tube when I was coming home

from Madonna and she had like her hair like leaned over she looked like the girl from The Ring but she was absolutely deranged

it was quite scary to look at oh and you're like ah she needs to the girl from The Ring but she was absolutely deranged it was quite scary to look at oh and you're like ah she needs to be looked after The Ring another absolutely

brilliant film yeah do you know what I love it's not really a horror but I love all the final destinations love them I don't

like those ones that like people when they get like all bits chopped off and like saw I can't watch it it's just it's too weird

and hostile and the human centipede like what the fuck I saw a picture of that there's like 300 people in a line with their faces stuck to someone's arsehole

like what yeah that was kind of what it was all about really wasn't it they'd stitch their mouths to the person in front of them's ass

like who thought of that oh let's get a thousand of them to all do it together so they're like a little thought of that? Oh, let's get a thousand of them to all do it together so they're like a little row of, like a centipede stuck together. It's so weird

whoever's mind did that. Yeah, I know. Not exactly Steven Spielberg, it's someone else. No. It's the only one I know. Is that a Spielberg? Is it a John Christian?

Happy Halloween, guys. Yeah. is it a John Christian happy Halloween guys yeah happy Halloween for yesterday and in true ghosted fashion we have brought it a day late oh we're sorry

my decorations will be taken down by the time this has gone out and we look forward to ignoring Halloween again next year Christmas next? Send in your Christmas stories, guys.

We're so excited. We're going to do a whole pod for Christmas. A whole Christmas. We could do a month. We could do a month, a Christmas month. Yeah, the lead up. I'm going to do all my Christmas shopping in Australia, where we're going on tour.

Oh my God. Can you believe we're going to Australia Jo? In like two weeks Hardly believe it You can hardly believe it Look at him shocked He's absolutely shocked Flabbergasted There's these crisps

I can't wait to get When I go over there There's crisps I'm going to get crisps Fanta And these special jellies They have over there As soon as I land in the airport

You know They have Fanta everywhere No not this Fanta This is a different type, Fanta and these special jellies they have over there as soon as I land in the airport. You know, they have Fanta everywhere. No, not this Fanta. This is a different type of Fanta. It's the really orange Fanta. Oh. Okay, thanks for listening everyone. Thanks guys.