My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I didn't want to be done for criminal damage..."

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

As ever, your fabulous / shocking / disturbing emails keep coming, so Vogue & Joanne get into them once again. This week brings tales of a sticky situationship with feels, a clingy fella who couldn't keep it in his pants and a husband who suddenly felt the need to do some serious manscaping...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and Joanne McNally. I'm sure. Here. I hate it. I was always at the end of the roll call, which was the worst. Do you want to hear some hot guy news? Okay. Okay, hot guy news. It's been a week for hot guys this week so michael b jordan does anyone know him he is going on the top of my laminated list i saw him but i michael jordan to me it's a basketball player then there's this new michael jordan no this is michael b jordan actor. And one of the biggest rise I've ever seen in my life.

His ex-girlfriend is like such a ride. But anyway, I need your help, Joanne. Right? Spenny said that I can have a list of people. Now, I've just noticed that Michael B. Jordan has gone on to Raya, of which you have got hidden in a folder. you have got hidden in a folder and I would like you to help me get on to Rhea so myself and Michael B. Jordan

can have an illicit affair that Spencer knows about. Oh so you're going to welcome him in like a throuple. Oh my God. Throuples are all the rage actually if you're just in a double now it's a bit scarlet for you because it's throuple time I actually get a lot

of emails from people DMs asking to get them on right I'm not on it anymore yeah but you said you hid it in a folder how am I going to get on when you go out with someone

you're not allowed to be on date naps anymore sadly how am I going to get on then to see Michael B. Jordan anyway there's more there's more hot guy news you would get on yourself

so easily honestly I think now that I've had a drink I think I might get would get on yourself so easily. Honestly. I think now that I've had a drink, I think I might get on. I might go on. Get on it. It's like a game. It's like Tetris,

but like with lads. Do you know what I mean? Leonardo DiCaprio has named a newly discovered species of snake after his favorite woman. The actor environmentalist was given the honor of naming a new species after his brand new girlfriend.

I don't think he could be called an environmentalist. Yes, he recycles his yoghurt cartons. And in this day and age, that's all that matters. And he recycles women, which is basically the main thing. Yeah, true. Reggie John Page. No, he is a riot.

He is scientifically the world's hottest man. You know your man that was in Bridgerton? Now, in fairness, he's a riot. You know your man that was in Bridgerton? Now in fairness he's right. He is a great A lashback. Like my God. He's striking.

Like he's kind of breathtakingly good looking. He's too good looking. They're like I'd feel uncomfortable if I had to go out with him. He's too good looking. And then

because he's too good looking the Irish in me kind of tightens and I resent him and think he's a prick. Yeah, I kind of feel like that too. I feel like he's smug because he's such a ride. He's smugness too. That's why I didn't speak to you for the first 15 years of your life.

18 years actually. It was 18. It was 20. It was about 20 actually. It was about 20. It was 20. Until you got over yourself. And then I was like, all right, come on, come on. about 20 20 until you got over yourself and then

I was like alright come on come on when are you going to get over yourself you doody I'm already getting going baby

I have profilo six weeks to go I'm about to hit my peak Hey Joanne and Vogue listening to the pod this week and just remembering how I got to the inkling

my husband was cheating he had shaved all his pubes off he went from a man who didn't give a second thought to grooming to all of a sudden

being really considerate quizzed him on it at the time and his response was that he found a grey hair and was self conscious about it liar I know he honestly thought I came down was that he found a grey hair and was self conscious about it Liar!

I know, he honestly thought I came down the liftie in a bubble, shortly after this discovery I found the dick pics in his phone that he was sending to some young one, bless her, so basically the lesson here is to pay attention to your husband's grooming habits and query any changes then tell him to fuck off and head

up to the guide clinic what's the guide? A hundred. I could not agree with this more. Like, honest to God, when I don't shave and Alan's like, you haven't shaved. I'm like, that's out of respect for you. Yeah. You should be grateful. Because I'm loyal. Exactly.

If I was waxed, do you know what I mean? If I was like smooth, Tropicana smooth, suspicious. You know, something. I was watching, I was was watching I was watching the Pamela Anderson thing on Netflix which was actually really good

I really like her and she was saying that one of her fellas came home and started washing his dick in the sink and she thought you're cheating on me

suspicious washing your dick in the sink what an idiot why don't you just go into the shower and wash your entire body and we'll go

why would you wash your dick on its own like a sippy cup that doesn't make any sense anyway they always say that if your partner starts suddenly

like a big kind of big like increased concern with how they look and all that jazz it's because they're

riding someone else Spenny's always a bald eagle though always a bald eagle basically if your husband washes his genitals he's cheating on you I think that's the lesson there god your husband washes his genitals, he's cheating on you.

I think that's the lesson there. God. If he even showers. Genitals are such a hidden word. If Alan even brushes his teeth now, be like, you're a fucking snake. Who is she? Oh, you're flossing now.

You're flossing. Who's the whore? I would actually like to say that I have recently taken up flossing after a trip to the dentist. And she could tell me I was disgusting. What? Because you're meant to floss every day. Do you floss every day? No.

Look, this is my take on flossing. There's no point breaking the seal now. I've never flossed. I feel like if I floss now, i'll break the seal and then i'll have to floss forever um so another one hey gorillas and joe god cut that out cut that joe out no one even knows where he came from like literally uh heard folks say she loves petty behavior so decided to share this story about an ex. She does. She loves it. Yeah.

I do. I love petty behaviour. We were seeing each other for a few months and it was very intense. He was getting quite needy, wanting to see me every single day. I think that's glorious to me. No, glorious.

It was all a bit suffocating so I told him we should take a break for a week and see each other the following weekend, probably a total of six days. I would have passed away a tide of loneliness by then. That's grand. Yeah, that's grand. We met up and he was acting weirdly distant with me.

I made us dinner, went to bed, all okay. The next morning he went to work and I was telling myself I had a couple of hours later and I noticed a watch on his bedside locker. Big alert because he didn't own any watches and said he hated wearing them. Red flag. He couldn't tell the time

and suddenly he has a watch there on his bedside table. Joanne McNally, do you still have my watch? Please say you do. Of course I do. Okay, come on. I texted him while he was at work. I pawned it for a mountain bike but I'm pretty sure I can get it.

They said I can definitely get it. For a penny farthing. I pawned it for some leg weights and a peloton. Do you remember you used to wear those leg weights everywhere you went? No. What an idiot. Like no impact at all. Probably made your legs bigger.

Lance Armstrong. I wanted those really, anyway it doesn't matter Jo but I used to drink a bottle of red a day during lockdown but then try and counteract it by wearing leg weights in the evenings. Anyway, Jo, go on. I texted him while he was at work and lo and behold he admitted that he went out to a club, got drunk and brought someone home.

He couldn't even last the six days without going out and hooking up with someone else. Six days is a long time for me. For you, yeah. I was livid and I thought he's at work and I'm alone in his apartment. How do I get my revenge? Deciding that I didn't want

to be... I forgot the story goes on and we get to get the revenge part. Woo! I didn't want to be done for criminal damage. I went and got a dead... Sorry, that's how she should have opened the email. I'm sorry now.

Dear Joanne and Beau, I didn't want to be done for criminal damage, but that's how it should have started. Okay, go on, Beau, go on. I went and got a dead cockroach from his garden. We had seen the night before.

He is deathly afraid of them. And I left it under his pillow. I like to imagine his white sheets turned brown when he found it, dropped his keys in his mailbox and never spoke to him again. Yeah. Revenge. Do you know what? That is innocent, petty revenge.

Will I tell you what? You get to walk away thinking you have you've one upped him yeah you've one upped him or you've responded in some way do you know what

happened to me one time and I don't remember his first second name I remember his first name Marcus I bet you anything someone will mail me about it Vogue I know this story

but I love it tell it again I was doing my J1 in America and I kissed him a few times and anyway we went home to Ireland

I met up with him in Ireland it's never the same and I brought him back to Hoth and we were going to a party and he was like we had gone to my house with like loads of people and then I was like

oh there's this party happening down the road we're all going to go to the party he's like I'm not going to the party so he wouldn't go to the party so I was like well fuck that I want to go to the party

so I went to the party and he was obviously raging with me because he'd come back to house and when i got home there was not only ketchup in all my asics runners that i had just bought new there was also ketchup squeezed into my toaster by marcus like but i respect him are you are you a divorcee in your 60s who gets that bitter at that at that young age? I know, kind of weird though, kind of weird. But you know that he's telling that story with glory wherever he goes.

He's like, I shafted this one. I like a bit of penniness myself, so I can't take it and just not. I respect what he did. I respect it. It's very petty. I don't think you can get pettier. It's juvenile.

It's just fucking my condiments it's not fucking my lives it's just fucking my

condiments which is bad it's not that bad either he knew I could wash my runners he knew

I would clean out the toaster because I couldn't be fucked sort it done

quite innocent really no one's no man make of this what you will no man has ever taken revenge on me

for leaving them. And make of that what you will. Read that how you want. I don't know if I agree with that. Not a single one of them has been pissed off about it. There's been a bit of pettiness I would say myself. On my side?

No, not on your side. No. Who? I'll always have your back to the death. Obviously. To the death. When you die, which will be soon, because your house is haunted

and you're about to get possessed by some spirit in your kitchen, I want your eyes glued into my back so they're always there. Always. Do you know what? I will donate my eyes to you. Okay? You will. Consider them donated. Yeah. kitchen I want your eyes glued into my back so they're always there so I have always and you know I will donate my eyes to you okay you will consider them donated yeah that's legal now Jo legal that that's legal she said it she can have my eyes yesterday my long-standing

situationship ended. Plot twists. We both caught the feels. For context, we met November 2021. That's a long time. What year is it? 2023? That's a long time. I always mix up the years. You could have told me it was 2021 and I would have agreed with you. I gave

a proper go of things from last July until now. But because we both knew he'd be going to Australia this April, we never made things official. That being said, dinner dates, Christmas presents, my mum said hi, introduction to friends, the whole shebang was going on, so we weren't far off. What?

I know, it's a bit like, that's a full-on relationship from November 21st. That's a situation. That's a fucking marriage to me. I feel like we're going out. We're married. If that was me, we're married. I'm taking half. we're going out we're married if that was me we're married

I'm taking half we're going to or not I'm taking half folks I cut the cat in half and all gone I'm getting the arse of the cat that's the deal I'm getting the arse of everything

we were supposed to keep seeing each other as much as possible until he left but he found it too hard with the finish line inside so called it a quit suddenly. We had a long chat.

That's kind of fair enough. I don't really believe it, though. Well, okay, let's see what happens. Okay, we had a long chat, and it was made clear that we were both falling in love with each other, and things would have worked out if it wasn't for bastard Australia. Boo. How do I get... I also blame Australia for my first marriage, but anyway. How do... How do I get, I also blame Australia for my first marriage, but anyway,

how do I get over the one that got away? I had prepped myself for it later this year. Now I feel like the rug's been pulled from under me. This has honestly been the best relationship I've had, despite the non-label kind, caring, great sex. Six foot four, a real tragedy. That is a real tragedy. Oh my God. I was gonna say he's i thought you were i thought she was talking about him being hung and i was like that's too much back away there too much for anyone he could get that into you from australia that's a fucking nightmare yeah i'll tell you what why don't you go to australia why hasn't he invited you to australia why aren't you going over there i don't understand yeah I yeah do what I did follow a relationship to Australia

it will work out really well I do think some people say like oh if it's right it's right you'll do anything for it and that's actually not true like sometimes your life does get in the way of relationships it just does and there's not one person so you just kind of recalibrate and then you go into your new life and try and meet someone there so you know and also maybe I sound very traditional but she's like it's the best relationship I've ever had but it was never officially a relationship which seems a bit bizarre you're both holding back in some regard I feel like he's I feel like I know but I feel like he's quite a shot holder as well like why is he the one to call it quits

why is he the one to decide to not make it a relationship I don't know also I do think once something's official it just kind of it becomes less exciting

yeah there is that temptation to keep it kind of you know on the back burner not back burner but I think if it's if it's a possibility

move to Australia with him it's a nice place it's warm it's sunny I just think do you know whatburner, but... I think if it's a possibility, move to Australia with them. It's a nice place. It's warm. It's sunny. I just think, do you know what I think? This is what I think. That the ones that get away

in inverted commas are the ones that you're free to fantasize about and you can imagine that it was this amazing situation and you haven't had the reality of living with them and realizing their issues

and problems and irritations and all that shit so i'll tell you what fantasize about them marry them and then see you'd be fucking wanting them you'll want to have gone in a year i'll tell you what when you meet the one there is no one there's no when you meet the one that didn't get away after the one that you thought got away you'll realize the one that you thought got away wasn't the one that got away because he was crap there's no such thing as the one that got away because if they were into you they wouldn't have gone away do you know what i mean there's no such thing the only solution is to be with someone who wants to be with you so there's no such thing as the one that got away if they went

away they went away for a reason and they weren't into you the way you were into them so they didn't get away they just left which is sounds brutal but it's true and I now have to get away because PayPal have just sent me an email

saying someone spent $500 on my account I gotta go and ring these guys I gotta go and ring these guys because the ghost is making purchases

he's buying some coins that's a really good accent you know we're going on tour we have tickets left That's a really good accent. We're going on tour. We've tickets left for the Ghosted Live is going. We've tickets left for the Marquia Cork.

Cork? How could you let us down like that? I'm practically an ambassador for Cork. They didn't let us down and if you demand it like that they won't come at all. They're very particular. I'm sorry, Cork.

Where's our Cork? We make bear by voguing cock i'll just retag all my safari photos and say i was in photo for like a month you know what that's why it's not selling because you were slagging photo there's some left for belfast and there's some left for a third three arena so if you're thinking a nice i know it's only february but it's time to start thinking about your Christmas presents. And I would say to you, what I'd say is, I would say buy some tickets for our show in December because it would be like you're living the Christmas presents before Christmas.

And if you don't feel that our presents is enough for you to buy a ticket, which is fair enough. I don't know if I'd buy a ticket to us. Also know we will be drug testing folks' children to see why they're so good at skiing. So maybe that's of interest to you.