My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! “I fully choked…”

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Remember a few weeks ago when Vogue & Joanne asked for your ‘near-death experiences’? It turns out that you answered that call in your droves! Plus dump-worthy offences and whether or not you kiss your Mother on the lips…If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. Do you want to hear what dumpable offences in the bedroom are? The highest one, Eating food in bed. Sorry, but like I eat food in bed. I exclusively eat. I can't remember the last time I ate a meal that wasn't in bed.

I have a tray. I have a tray on legs. I was nearly going to buy one of those trays. Is it worth the investment? I don't live. I convalesce. I'm an elderly woman. I eat mashed potato.

I am ready for that home. I am ready for that home I am ready for that home I might start eating In the bath again I used to love that I had a bath last night I didn't eat anything And it was very disappointing I'll give you the top three right

Leaving clothes on the floor Oh Joanne You're really bad for that Yeah I can't sleep If like there's a wardrobe Door open Or if there's clothes

It has to be really really clean Last one snoring I'd hate if Spencer snored I'd hate yeah I did go out with a lad who snored before

and it is it is very frustrating because whatever weird physics rule exists they don't ever wake themselves up

it's only you that ever they ever wake up so you just have to I used to just elbow him in the back and he'd turn on his side or whatever

but yeah no it's incredibly frustrating Prada peter tries to accuse me of snoring i was like come here now i'm not having it oh god that's the worst i'd hate to be a snorer i don't snore i genuinely he's trying he's heckling me i'm telling you he's trying to god your aunt's like a moose in the bedroom snoring away he's trying to um erode my confidence so that i never leave i believe i truly believe that to be the case. I mean, it's coercive control as far as I'm concerned. You'll never find somebody else with that snoring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. No one will love you when you snore in your sleep. Shut up! I wholeheartedly agree with him. Spenny does snoring. Now, Spenny, like, oh God, he insists on sleeping naked as well. It's just not for me. You know what he said on our pod last week?

And I was like, do you want to get that cut out? Like, that's a bit weird. And because he finds it so un-weird, he let it stay in. And now I'm having a video made out of it. He kisses his mom on the lips. I don't think that's weird. What? You can score your mom if you want.

That's allowed. Joanne always scores her mom. Listen, if you can't score your mom if you want that's allowed Joanne always scores her mum listen if you can't score your mum who can you score oh Joanne that is sick I don't kiss my mum with a lift but anyway

oh god it's really sickened me and now I feel uncomfortable will your mother I'm sorry to say this but your mother doesn't love you clearly she wouldn't

we wouldn't be a very like we would like we'd say I love you the odd time but we wouldn't like like we wouldn't always be very, like we would, like we'd say I love you the odd time, but we wouldn't like, like we wouldn't always be giving each other hugs and kisses.

You know what I mean? Hmm. Now me and my mum, we'd be quite tactile, quite affectionate. Really? Yeah. Like would you lie

on the couch beside her and have her rub your head and stuff? No. Well, I don't know. Why are you so shocked by that? You kiss her on the lips. We're not going out now, you so shocked by that you kiss her on the lips we're not going out now

mum everyone calm down I don't hold her hands and feed her spaghetti from my fork she's my mother but yes I I'd be

you know I'd be willing to score my mum on occasion Christmas's, birthdays things like that she's a good looking woman she's a good looking woman she's a good looking woman she's my next to cane on my password she's basically my wife

right before i get even more freaked out by joanne let's do emails okay you ready sure hi joanne evoke i started a new job and oh this is really bad i've read this actually god i started a new it's so bad i started a new job. Oh, this is really bad. I've read this actually. God. I started a new, it's so bad. I started a new job in January of this year and spent my first few months hating it and not fitting in. I have since made a really good friend. Let's call her Sarah. Sarah is just amazing.

And I enjoy working so much with more since we got to know each other. We're both single. So she invited me to her sister's wedding as her plus one. I'm delighted for a day out. Last weekend, we went to a pre-wedding party and while mingling, the shite nearly flies out of me when I see a fella I had a one-night stand with a month prior in my home city. He was out on his friend's stag. Me and Sarah continue our

mingling until she decides to introduce me to her sister and the groom. Words cannot describe the feeling when Sarah's sister's fiance, who was marrying in three weeks was the same man I slept with a month before it was his stag I couldn't even respond to his hello nice to meet you when we were being introduced he shook my hand cool as a cucumber and continued on with his evening I obviously feel terrible and while I know I'm not to blame I do not know how to tell Sarah she really likes the man and anytime I moan about finding it hard to find someone she says sure look at Mr. Fiance he's a great man blah blah blah i'm really thinking it would be best not to say anything have i left it too late i discovered it on saturday and it's now tuesday joanne i bet

you you and i are gonna have different opinions on this you know there's no point there's no point to that like no keep it to yourself suck it up keep it to yourself i would feel like i would tell the friend and let the friend decide what to do because I would like I would rather know even if you decide to do nothing with it and the sister wants to get married to him anyway because some people are okay with that kind of thing if she wants to get married to him anyway she has has the knowledge to be able to do that but being someone who's been through a divorce it's a really shitty thing to go through and if you can avoid having to do something like that because you find out like years down the line that someone's fucked you over you'll be really annoyed with yourself and she's wasting years of her life whereas if the sister has that knowledge she will know what to do with it

oh I thought you were saying don't say it because divorce like you don't you don't want to go through divorce if you don't need to go through divorce don't so don't fuck like I just think taking when some people look what am I trying to say I'm quite cynical about stuff like this I believe that everyone is cheating on everyone else

I don't think it's unusual I think it's pretty common so he just got stung unfortunate they'll probably have a lovely marriage anyway

on his stag do he's a piece of shit that's no I was actually going to say that's a saving grace because that's kind of, that's tradition on stag dos, isn't it? Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's what people,

that's what lads do. They ride people and lick their own balls. That's what I heard. I could be arsed cheating on Spenny. I could be arsed. One of my friends was saying he was on a stag do before and they, like, say they landed in Prague or whatever.

That, like, say there was 10 lads on the stag. Five of them went say they landed in Prague or whatever that like say there was 10 lads on the stag five of them went off and were never seen they didn't see them again until they arrived back in the airport

they basically went off into whatever brothels they could find and they're married men and then they come back and no one's any the wiser and they probably go on to live very happy lives

I'm just saying I think that you should let your friend know because then your friend will know what to do with it because it's her sister and at least the sister will have the heads up and she might not have to go through a messy divorce in like three years time

when she finds out that he was doing the dirty. I think life is long. People are complicated. Keep it to yourself. And that's the end of that. When you tell me that time when you scored a span, I forgave you my mother was fuming

though she was very jealous about the whole thing Spenny's like in your space he just comes so close into people's personal space I have to be like really sorry about that he has no concept of personal space I don't know I think he does it on purpose i think he likes making he likes unsettling people yeah i think he does do it on purpose

hello i'm writing in because i need your opinion advice i'm due to get married fairly soon to my long-term partner and i love him completely and couldn't imagine my life without him and we have two beautiful children together however as of lately i've been thinking a lot about my ex we broke up can you believe it was the other one i wanted you to read but we're through this one now so we wanted to what i actually wanted you to read the next one but i got mixed up so we're doing this okay we broke up years ago due to him falling out of love oh no oh it was extremely traumatic and i thought i would never get over it but i did or so i thought but recently i've been thinking a lot about him even missing him but just thinking about the

relationship we had in general bear in mind we've both completely moved on he now has his own partner and children as well but why am i suddenly thinking about him is this normal should i be worried like i said i love my partner completely and i feel like i'm cheating on him on some level um it's completely messing with the head please give me the kick up the hole I need. Well, you're Irish for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that you spend a lot of time with somebody in your life

and like it's natural to sometimes think back on them. And it's even natural to miss them because if you spend so much time in somebody's company, like they're your best friend for a period of time. I think everyone is constantly thinking

about their exes. And this is the truth. So like when you go out with someone, they kind of become part of your being. When you spend that much time with people and you're sleeping with them and you're in love with them and that just doesn't go.

They kind of, they live inside you. You absorb them in some way. One of my friends, now I don't want to get anyone in trouble here, was saying that she she's in a new relationship she thinks about her ex all the time all the time and she like and also the key is if you were rejected by them you know the way the brain just can't process it it won't accept it so it feels like you were discarded which of course makes it worse and you feel like

you weren't you didn't matter and of course that it worse. And you feel like you weren't, you didn't matter. And of course that makes you feel worse about yourself and all those things. I genuinely think, one of my other friends, we were talking about this and she was like, if you're thinking about them, they're thinking about you. Oh, that's a nice way of putting it, but that's probably not true. Sometimes it's like, they're like little flashpoints in your brain. They just kind of, it's like your brain is this conveyor belt of thoughts that just spin around and eventually if you've enough thoughts in a day someone's gonna fucking rear their ugly head well I'm very happily married and I still like have a little stalk of some ex's pages

it's quite it's quite entertaining to do that yeah it doesn't mean anything doesn't mean you're like mad about them and you want to get back with them it's just you're just a nosy bitch don't worry yeah it's just I mean if you broke up with someone and never thought about them again for the rest of your life you're a sociopath just don't contact him that's all then there's the line just don't contact him steer clear of that line or build a doll of his head and set fire to it another option I wouldn't suggest that uh okay next so no hold on hold on hold on I like. I like this, I like this. I remember, I read,

there's this course you can go on where it's called like bondage breaking. No, it's not, that was a bondage course. That's a different thing. Something about breaking ties where they kind of, I think it's kind of like pagan-y, reiki stuff. Where, because so many people are trapped.

They have their ex living in their head rent free all the time. And they do this kind of breakage ceremony where they, it's kind of a bit of like, remember that how a light is a feather stiff is a board thing. I think someone just walks around you loads of times. So they tie you up in rope and then untie you. And it's kind of this, you know, metaphorical, but breaking the ties with your ex. And maybe do something like that.

I don't know. It's not going to make you stop thinking everyone does it it's completely normal and it's actually it's a lot of it is due down to nosiness as well yeah there's no such thing as closure really oh god i don't fancy it i don't fancy any of my exes closure's a pipe dream no you don't fancy them i don't fancy any of my exes either but no they were part of your they were part of your life. Exactly. Next one. That doesn't just go. Okay.

Jesus, she really wants to move on. Jesus, folks. Well, because it wasn't the original one I wanted to go on. This was the one I wanted to have. I was having a nice time talking about that. I know, but Joanne, the only problem is

you talk about that for the rest of the pod. I know what you're like. One more question. One more thing, just to put on that thing. If someone knows what I'm talking about about that breakage course send us the deeds because i think that would be a handy thing for us to be able to tell people right because i think a lot of people are trapped trapped trapped yourself

yeah and then you can secretly do it to your partner while they're asleep so that they stop thinking about their ex boom oh my god ew think about that our partners don't think about their exes don't even think about it. No! I've done, I'm trying to, I'm in the middle of hypnotising Prada Peter to clear out his entire wank bank. Oh my God, it's like someone said to me, if you left a room and you could leave a recorder playing

and you left the room and there's loads of people and they're talking about you, would you listen to the recorder? Yes. No. Well, that's exactly where, well, you read your daily mail comments.

I don't, I just don't want to know. I don't really read them anymore because I just don't want to know I don't really read them anymore because I just don't give a shit about what anyone says about me anymore they're not vicious enough anymore I'm not interested you're like boo

boo boring I know a lot about myself yeah hi joanne vogue and joe that's nice i love the pod and as a 56 year old woman i would like to say i wish we had you 35 years ago i think i'd have a lot less guilt and hang-ups anyway here's a near-death show experience i went to joanne's show last December after Christmas we had a pre-show dinner in Max's restaurant lovely

we had a steak and chips bottle of red I fully choked on a tiny piece of steak I couldn't breathe and there was no noise coming from me

I'm triggered as I type it was horrendous she screamed for help I could hear the manager calling for an ambulance and then a waiter who was half my size

stepped in and did the full Heimlich maneuver my life didn't flash in front of me but I did think oh god I don't want to die

in a restaurant 20 minutes later after calming down with the health of the fantastic staff Ali asked if we'd just go home oh no

let's go see Joanne and we did I was a bit shaken and obviously we'll never eat steak again but honestly Joanne it really helped going to see you

well that's nice isn't it he pulled her back from the brink maureen oh my god is her name maureen maureen maureen i'm so glad you're still with us holy mary and saint joseph is also glad spenny nearly choked on a carrot and he said it was the most terrifying thing because he literally i know i know it's so sorry it's just the most terrifying thing because he literally, I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's just the most unmasking thing I've ever heard. Go on. Sorry.

He choked on a carrot in the office and he said that it was the most frightening thing ever because like he just couldn't get any air in. He had to like pound on his chest and his business partner was hitting him on the back. Yeah. He said he was absolutely petrified. Awful way to go. Awful way to go. Maureen, I'm so sorry that happened to you

but thank you so much for coming to the show you know what you need to laugh clear out those passages God I don't think I would eat steak again after that

I'd be too scared if I had a near death experience no no way hello I was on a holiday in Italy with an ex of mine and we're getting ready to go out for dinner i threw my t-shirt at him hit him in the face and i started laughing when i began to choke on my fruit pastille i was eating my ex was genuinely annoyed that i'd hit him in the face with my

t-shirt i didn't realize i had the sweet lodged in my track yet he didn't run to my aid so i had to take matters into my own hands and violently punch myself in the back back to dislodge the fruit pastille it dramatically flew from my throat onto the floor and the two of us just stared in shock at the tiny sweet that it could have caused my end safe to say safe to say i was not too pleased that he hadn't noticed and i was unable to breathe because of a fruit pastille huge fan of the pod can't wait to see in the three arena that wouldn't be a great way to go now, fruit pastille. It's less embarrassing than a carrot,

in fairness. Yeah, there's a bit of kudos to a fruit pastille. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, there's a bit of spice to that one.

At least it wasn't a carrot. Carrots are choking on a tampon. Pathetic, Spencer. Pathetic. And on that note, we would like to bid you adieu

as I said Dubai New York Birmingham Ipswich Corn Exchange do it all places I will be

if you care to join I would love to go to be honest and I'm I'm sorry but I'm going to your show in November oh and seeing as

most of my audience have had some sort of choking experience I am prepared to do the Heimlich Maneuver so that there's an extra reason to come it's the same space

chew slowly girls chew slowly chew well chew sensibly that's the lesson chew sensibly please